


My Girl

by CheerUpLovely



Category: NCIS
Genre: Case Fic, Character Death, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gradual Relationships, Mentions of Cancer, NCIS - Freeform, Pregnancy, Season 4 onwards, Team, mossad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:15:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 79
Words: 268,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheerUpLovely/pseuds/CheerUpLovely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an ex-partner dies, she leaves Tony DiNozzo a parting gift: the daughter he's never known. Determined that he can't be a father, it's up to his team, his true family, to prove that he's capable of raising his new daughter, Penny. But if there's one thing that team Gibbs have come to know, it's that there's always a few surprises along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Every Birthday Is A Bonus

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you may have read this over on FF.Net, but I decided it's time to spread around this fic. It's my longest ongoing and it's almost finished! It was inspired at first by the wonderful book "My Best Friends Girl" by Dorothy Koomson and it just ran away with itself and has turned into a story that's taken me over six years to write.
> 
> You'll note some key points that seem weird - yes, Jenny's alive. No Vance, but back when this was first written, all of this was correct. Because of later plot points, some things don't add up with the characters regarding their histories, but in later chapters I've amended a few things!

"Experience which destroys innocence, also leads one back to it." James Baldwin.

The mail man jumped as Tony DiNozzo rushed past him, noticed him, and then doubled back to stand before him.

Usually, the two came face to face every morning, with the mail man having finished handing out the mail to each section of the NCIS field office, and him being on his way out when the Special Agent was waltzing in, a ridiculous amount of energy for such an early hour of the morning. Of course, there were days when the agent's choice of activities the previous night were blatantly the cause of his happiness, and it was always these same activities that were the cause of the worse-for-wear days, where he'd come on, his shirt buttons only just correctly latched together, and still rubbing a drizzle of sleep from his face as he downed as many coffees as he could. Today was not one of those days. Today, he was there at his desk just as the mailman was about to lay down his mail onto the desk surface.

"Special day, Agent DiNozzo?" the mailman asked him.

"It's my birthday," he grinned, with all the excitement of a five-year-old.

"Happy birthday," the mailman nodded as he handed over the wad of envelopes that had been bunched together for Gibbs's team. To Tony's delight, most of the envelopes were blue or red, basically card coloured. This year, he'd purposefully arranged for all his mail to be forwarded to the office for his birthday, especially since the year before McGee had been completely smothered with a thousand different birthday cards from Abby alone, and the fact that it was his birthday spread round the building like wildfire. Needless to say, Tony had been extremely jealous when McGee had been the one on the receiving end of female attention for the day. Sometimes McGee's happy-puppy look ended up getting him far more attention than Tony would like.

"Twenty-one again, Tony?" Ziva asked with a touch of teasing to her voice as she joined him in the office, taking her place at her own desk.

"Nope," he grinned. "Thirty-four and proud."

"What's there to be proud of?" she asked, clearly more touchy about age than he was.

He threw his jacket and rucksack onto his chair, and went over to Ziva's desk, leaning over and grinning at her. "Every birthday is a bonus, Ziva."

And then, it dawned on her. "You have a date tonight."

"I have a date tonight," he confirmed.

"Anyone we know?"

He laughed at her. "Of course not."

She raised a single eyebrow at him. "Anyone you know?"

He sighed, shaking his head as he stood up fully again. "Ziva, you wound me," he said sarcastically, placing his hand rather overdramatically on his heart.

She just shook her head at him, turning her computer on and waiting for it to load up as McGee joined them in the office. Tony sat down at his desk, completely ignoring the 'good morning' routine conversation between his co-workers and starting on his pile of birthday cards before Gibbs could arrive and drag him away from them. Any envelope that didn't have his name on was tossed straight across the bull pen to McGee's desk, many of them hitting the man in the head, but he didn't stop to notice.

It was strange that, after all his training, and all the discipline that had followed his opening of the SWAK, that he didn't notice it. It was rather much like all of the others, slipped in among the bundle, all innocuous and innocent. And, like all the others, he didn't really look at it. He didn't try to decipher the handwriting on the front, he ignored the picture on the front, and he simply opened it, eager to receive the message that had been scrawled inside and the occasional twenty dollar bill that an elderly relative would place inside.

It was only once it was open that his heart stopped. He recognised the handwriting instantly.

Dear Tony,  
Please don't ignore this.  
I need to see you. I'm dying. I'm in Capital Hospice, DC.  
Yours, Alicia.  
X

Slamming it shut, he realised that the card didn't have the usual 'happy birthday' emblazoned on the front. The piece of glossy cardboard sailed across the room when Tony slung it away from him as if it had burned his fingers. It landed in the direct centre of the bullpen, and sat there staring at him with a more intense gaze that that of his two co-workers who looked at him as if he were insane. The card remained on the floor. No one moved to pick it up. It remained there, right where he could see it no matter where he tried to look on his desk. Daring him to ignore it. Daring him to pretend the words inside weren't carved into his brain.

I'm dying.

He took a chug of his coffee, convinced he hadn't woken up properly yet.

The card still sneered at him, goading him. Ziva and McGee exchanged concerned glances.

He threw his chair backwards, and went into the centre of the bull pen. He picked up the card and, dispassionately, he tore it in half. Then, he tore the broken pieces in half, before throwing them unceremoniously in the bin. He stomped back over to his desk, ignoring the now very worried stares in his direction, and sat down, going back to his birthday cards.

There, that was better. Much better. He sipped at his coffee and opened his cards, carefully arranging them so that any passing attractive female could see them and feel like stopping in to wish him a happy birthday by means of a kiss or five. Everything was right again. Perfect, even. Just how it should be on his birthday.

Nothing could ruin it. No matter how much anyone tried. And they were trying, weren't they? You couldn't try much harder than that message of mortality dressed up as a birthday card. Very clever. It was like when you found out Santa was just your dad wearing a beard and a few pillows up his shirt. Well, it wasn't going to work. He wasn't falling for any of that nonsense. He was going to carry on with his perfect birthday plan. He was going to convince Gibbs to let him leave at five, go home and look dashing for his date, and then spend all night getting special birthday treatment from the girl he'd met in the bar last weekend, Fiona.

\----

The door was slightly open, and it didn't protest as Tony gently pushed on it. He hadn't knocked.

From her place amongst what seemed to be a thousand white pillows, she smiled up at Tony as he stepped into view.

"I knew you'd come," she whispered.


	2. I'll Think About It

She was wearing mascara.

Even now, at what was probably one of the darkest hours of her life, Alicia was wearing make up. She always did have more style than sense.

At one time, he would've just come out and told her that - callously uttered the mild insult because he knew she'd take it with a smile and know he was messing around. He couldn't today. Things had drastically changed between them. Firstly, he hadn't seen her in four years. Secondly, the last time he'd seen her, she'd had her fingers buried in her mousy hair as if on the verge of pulling it out and all the make up she was wearing was running down her face amid her tears. She was talking, stumbling over her every word, saying so many things that Tony didn't care to hear. He, on the other hand, had been grabbing his jacket, pulling on his abandoned shirt and shoes, and holding back a thousand angry words whilst she collapsed into tears on the bed. Things don't go back to being normal after you part on those terms.

And thirdly, she was ill.

Neither of them spoke as a nurse fussed around Alicia, noting the readings on the machines, checking the lines on the drips, plumping up the pillows behind her. The nurse looked at Tony almost as if she knew him, and then warned Alicia not to talk for too long and left the pair to it.

Still, they didn't speak. 'Hi' seemed like an insufficient way to greet someone he'd sworn to cut out of his life and never speak to again, but it was also because he couldn't bring himself to talk. He just couldn't. This wasn't the Alicia he'd come to see. This wasn't the Alicia he'd braced himself to talk to after all this time.

He hadn't known what he expected, and he hadn't really thought about it on his drive from the NCIS base to the hospice after a mumbled fake excuse to Gibbs, but he hadn't expected her to look like this. He wanted to close his eyes and see the Alicia he expected to see. That mass of mousy-blonde hair would be there, as would that smooth healthy glow on her flawless skin. What would be the clearest thing about her? Those eyes. Eyes which were the blue-grey colour of highly polished steel. Or her smile, which would always light up the room around her. Whichever it was behind his eyelids, the real Alicia would be there, so perfect and three-dimensional that he could almost reach out and touch her.

With his eyes open, Alicia Ryan was different. Altered.

The Alicia who was propped up in the bed had skin that was a blotched patchwork of grey, white and yellow. Her face was hollowed out from weight-loss and under her sunken eyes, conspicuously missing their eyebrows, deep dark circles were permanently etched. Around her head was a tied red scarf, probably to hide the lack of hair. Tony's body went cold. Her beautiful hair, her gorgeous long locks that she'd always been so proud of, were gone. Stripped away by the drugs that were supposed to make her better.

He didn't know she'd look like this. Frail, and so fragile that one touch would crumble her into a thousand pieces.

"It's good to see you," she said, her voice a low rasp that was probably as painful to create as it was to hear. "I'm glad you came."

"What's with the voice?" he asked, wincing inside as he realised how cruel his tone sounded.

"It's the treatment," she explained. "It makes my mouth dry and my tongue feels like its grown a carpet on top."

He half-smiled. "Remember when we'd feel like that because we'd gotten so drunk the night before?" he commented, before mentally slapping himself. I was trying to express sympathy and even that was going wrong.

However, Alicia's cracked lips pulled up into a smile. "Trust you, Tony," she laughed weakly. "No one else has dared to say anything like that to me. Too scared of making me cry, I suppose. Trust you to break the taboo."

"It wasn't intentional," he muttered shamefully. "Just being myself, I guess."

"I wouldn't want you any other way," she smiled.

"What's wrong with you, Alicia?" he asked her. That sounded wrong, too. Admittedly, part of him was still that man who was gathering his belongings and leaving her apartment as quickly as he could, but most of him was broken hearted at the sight of the woman before him. He was used to solving problems with action, and there he was, staring at a woman who was in pain, knowing that he couldn't do a thing about it.

"Leukaemia," she replied.

"I thought only kids got that," he replied before he could stop himself.

"That's what I said," she smirked. "When the doctor first told me, I said those exact words. Didn't go down to well, I can tell you."

"Glad to know it's not only me who says inappropriate things," he muttered loudly.

"Yeah, even when I'm at deaths door."

She said that so calmly that it shocked him. He had the urge to reach out, take hold of her by the shoulders and shake her. Violently. So violently that she was reminded of what was going on. How could she be so laid back about this? So comfortable with the notion? He was struggling to understand how someone who was his age, who went to the gym, who ate relatively healthily, who had never smoked, never drank quite as much as he did, woke up one day to find there was a clock ticking over her head. How does someone like Alicia discover she was one step closer to knowing when she'd meet her end? It was the one thought that had been plaguing him since the second he'd opened that card this morning.

"It's alright, you know. I've accepted what's going to happen to me," Alicia assured him, as though reading his thoughts. "It took me a while, but I'm here. I know it's going to take you a while to catch up."

"Only a little while?" he asked sarcastically.

"I had to get to this point quickly," she continued, ignoring what he'd said and how he'd said it. "I had to make plans. It's not just about me. So no matter how much I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening, I had to remember the most important person that needs taking care of."

"Penny," he whispered.

She was talking about her daughter, Penelope. How was she taking this? If Tony was having problems dealing with it, how was a little three year old coping?

"She's why I've asked you here," Alicia whispered. "She's yours, Tony."

Tony's eyes widened and for a moment he realised that, yes, it was completely possible to choke on nothing more than air. He found his chest constricting and breathing became an unfamiliar action as he looked helplessly at Alicia.

"…excuse me?" he spluttered out after a long silence.

"Penelope's your daughter, Tony," Alicia said simply.

"She-she-she can't be!" he coughed out desperately. "You told me you'd slept with someone else and that it was his baby," Tony reminded her, once again picturing her covered in running make up as she begged him not to leave her. "That's why I left. You said it wasn't my baby."

"Well, at the time, I didn't think you could handle it," she explained, much calmer than he was.

"I can't handle it now!" he exploded back, standing up from his chair and starting to pace the room at the end of her bed. "Jesus, Alicia. I can't be Penny's dad."

"You are," she confirmed.

"I'm not the daddy type,"

"Which is why I told you she wasn't yours in the first place."

"I can't be her father," he whispered, more to himself than Alicia, but she answered him none the less.

"Unfortunately, you don't have much of a choice, Tony," she whispered, "because I'm not going to be around much longer to be her mother."

And then Tony realised why, exactly, she'd asked him to come.

"What?" he whispered.

"After I'm gone, I want you to Penny to be with you."

"What?" he repeated.

"I want…no, I need Penny to be with you after I die."

Tony could feel the frown creasing his forehead and his face twisting into an 'are you mad?' expression. Alicia just stared back at him as if she expected an answer to what she'd just told him.

"You're joking, right?" he stammered.

"I'm dying, Tony," she replied, exasperated. "If I was joking it'd be funny. Of course I'm not joking. This is my little girl's future I'm talking about here, and I need to know you'll be the one to take care of her when I die."

"I can't," he said, shaking his head.

"You haven't even thought about it," she protested.

"There's nothing to think about," he explained. "I'm an NCIS special agent, Alicia. I work all hours of the day, most of the time all hours of the night. My apartment hasn't been cleaned in six weeks and I consider that a good thing. I could get killed any day with what I do. I'm not father material."

"Well, the difference there is that while you could die, I actually am going to die," she said simply, but the bluntness cut into him, softening his gaze. "Look, I've done all the hard stuff…morning sickness, losing my figure, twenty-six hours in labour…you just have to look after her. Be her father. Love her."

Like it was that easy.

"Alicia, we haven't even spoken in four years and now you're telling me that you're dying and I need to take in our daughter? Can you see what's wrong with this picture? Can you understand why I'm having problems with this?" he asked her, using so many hand gestures that Abby would be proud of him.

"She's your daughter, Tony," she said, a determination in her voice that sounded rather threatening considering its hoarseness.

He couldn't argue with that. He stopped, glancing at the photo on her night stand. It was a plain frame, but a close up of Alicia and who must be Penelope. He knew of her, of course, but he'd never actually laid eyes upon her. Penny had her arms linked around her mother's neck, holding her mother as close as possible to her. They were both grinning at the camera. Penny really did look like the both of them, he noticed, although more like him than Alicia.

"Tony," Alicia whispered softly, indicating for him to sit on the end of the bed when she realised how the photo had strangely calmed him. He sat down silently. "I'm sorry to lay this all on you in one day, but I don't know how long I've got left. I can't afford to mess about. If you don't take her, what will happen to her? There's no one…" the whites of her eyes darkened with red and her chest started to heave. "I can't even cry," she whispered between heaves, "because I'm not producing enough tears." Instead of crying, she started to choke, each couch convulsing her thinned body.

This affected Tony more than anything else, and he put his hand over hers. "Please don't," he whispered, desperate to stop her. "Look, I'll think about it, okay?"

Alicia kept inhaling deeply until she'd calmed down. "You'll really think about it?" she asked when she was calm enough to speak.

"Yes,"

"That's all I ask," she smiled weakly. "Thank you."

They lapsed into silence. He knew he should be going. Gibbs had given him an hour for his 'personal business', and he was running dangerously close to the end of his time limit. Alicia had done the deed, had asked the unthinkable of him, so what was there to do but for him to leave, retreat back to his birthday, and think about it as he had promised?

But the haunted look in her eyes was what kept him there at her side. Everything she did, even on her deathbed, was for her daughter. Nothing and no one came before Penny. The idea of leaving her must be more than she could bear. And how do you explain to a child that you're leaving them? How do you tell your child you're dying?

"Where is she?" he asked in attempt to diffuse the tension and guilt that hung over him.

"With my father and step-mother."

Tony's heart actually jumped it's next beat. Were things really that bad that she'd left Penny with them? "And how's that been?" he asked her, rather than jumping up and screaming 'are you mad?' at her.

"Awful," Alicia replied, the whites of her eyes reddening even more. "They don't let me see her. Since I've been here they've brought her to see me once. Once in three weeks. They say its too far so they only bring her when it's convenient. I speak to her on the phone every day but it's not that same." She took a deep breath. "I miss her so much, and I can tell every time I speak to her that she's becoming more and more withdrawn. She can't understand why she can't be with me when I need her the most. But they don't want her there and she knows it. Tony, I want to be with my daughter. I've only got a little while, and I want to spend it with her," she looked at her, her eyes beseeching him, asking him to solve this problem for her. "I just want to see her."

"Is there anyone else she can stay with?" he asked her. I knew that she had no other family, but surely she had some friends? Anyone that Penny could stay with but her Alicia's father and step-mother.

"No," she shook her head. "When I first got seriously sick, I wrote to you to ask if you could take care of Penny for a while, but you never replied."

"I never opened the letter," he replied honestly, rubbing the back of his neck in shame. I still had it, he was sure, kicked to the back of a drawer like all other correspondence from her. I was too indignant to open them but to cowardly to throw them away.

"I guessed you didn't," she nodded. "I tried a couple of other people but they couldn't take on such a big responsibility, so it had to be my father."

"Do they still live in the same place in Riverdale?" he asked her.

She nodded. "Yes.

"Okay," he nodded. "Maybe I could go in and see her on my lunch hour tomorrow if we're not working a big case."

Alicia's eyes lit up a little. "You'd do that?"

He nodded. "I'm not saying I'll take her in or anything, but I'll just go and see if she's all right, okay? Just a visit."

"Thank you, Tony," she smiled.

But there was one flaw.

"She won't know who I am," he realised.

"She might do," Alicia corrected him. "She's seen photographs."

"Where does she think I am?" he asked, considering she'd never been part of his life.

"She thinks you've been on holiday. It's only recently she started asking, so…" she trailed off, leaving him to draw his own conclusions. Her eyes closed, and this time they remained closed.

Tony froze, anxiety twisting in his stomach as time ticked by but she didn't open her eyes. The machines were still rhythmically beeping so he knew that she wasn't…but what if this was the start of it? What if this was the beginning of it?

Her eyelids crept apart into thin slits her sallow skin greyer than it had been when first arrived. He was tiring her out. He should leave. Gibbs was going to kill him as it was. But he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with her. Be with her. Just in case…he wanted to sit there all day. All night. If it would help.

"I better go," he forced himself to say. He wouldn't do any good there. "If I'm going to see Penny tomorrow I better not piss my boss off by getting back late today."

He stood up, placing a gentle, almost brotherly kiss, to her forehead.

"Tell her mommy loves her?" she said, her voice as weak as tissue paper.

"I will," he replied. "Of course I will."

He paused in the doorway, waiting for Alicia's reply. He got nothing, so he turned to look at her. She was asleep, that was clear from the slow rise and fall of her chest. He watched her for a few seconds, fancying himself as soon kind of guardian angel watching over her and keeping safe, but reality reminded him that no one could do that for her now. She was beyond being kept safe. She was beyond his help.

Sighing, he left the room, and headed out to the car. It wasn't until he had parked back outside NCIS, spotting McGee returning to the building with three coffee's in a Styrofoam holder and a Caf-Pow in his other hand, that another coherent thought, and perhaps the bravest moment in his life, occurred.

There had been a time when he'd promised Alicia he'd been her knight in shining armour. But he couldn't do that any more. He couldn't be there to protect her from shadows and nightmares. He couldn't hold her and promise her that everything was going to be okay. She was beyond his help.

But Penelope wasn't.

He turned his car around, and headed out to Riverdale, and Alicia's parents house.


	3. Do You Know What Day It Is?

"I'm here to see Penny."

The woman in the doorway looked at Tony blankly, and he fought back a groan. He only had his lunch hour to make the visit to Alicia's father's house, and her arrogant step-mother, Deirdre, wasn't making it any easier for him to get back to work on time.

"Penelope," he repeated, slower this time.

"What do you want with Penelope?" she asked. She seemed respectable enough, normal, docile even, but Tony knew that pure evil ran through this woman's veins.

"I'm Tony DiNozzo," he introduced.

"Oh," she said simply, but didn't move to let him in.

"Penny's father." It was the first time he had introduced himself as her father, and it felt strangely right coming off the top of his tongue.

"I see,"

Tony sighed aloud this time. "Look, I went to see Alicia this morning and she asked me to stop by and see Penny," he explained. "So, can I see her?"

Deirdre looked down her nose at Tony. "She's not available right now."

"Excuse me?"

"She's not receiving visitors."

"A three year old isn't receiving visitors?" Tony repeated with a frown.

Again, she sneered down her nose at him. "The little madam is being punished, not that it's any of your business."

"Its entirely my business," he corrected. "I'm her father."

"Be that as it may, you'll have to call at another time, as she's being punished," Deirdre told him, moving to close the door.

Tony, however, lunged out and held out his arm, preventing her from closing it. "Being punished for what?" he demanded.

Deirdre said nothing.

"I want to see her. Now."

"She's not allowed to see anyone right now."

"I'm not leaving until I see her."

At this, Deirdre's body relaxed in resignation, and she allowed Tony through the door. Tony was shocked at his own protectiveness - a side to him that he'd never even imagined he possessed for Alicia's daughter. Of course, she was now his daughter as well. That still hadn't sunk in entirely. Neither had the fact that Alicia really wasn't going to be there forever. Penny was, until that moment, a simple drifting thought in the back of his mind, a reason why he and Alicia weren't together any more. Now she was his.

Deirdre headed up the staircase, muttering just loud enough for him to hear as he followed her. "It's not like we wanted her here in the first place."

Tony took in a shaky breath, partly because he was about to meet his daughter for the first time, but mostly because he'd only been speaking to Alicia's stepmother for a moment and already he realised that all the horrible stories he'd once thought couldn't possible be true, were in fact as clear as day. Deirdre stopped outside one of the white panelled doors. There was a key in the lock, which she turned. She locked Penny in? SHE LOCKED HER IN? Tony fumed, the same strange protectiveness firing up inside of him again. Where did they think a child who probably wasn't tall enough to reach the front door handle would go if she left her room?

Penny's current room was twice the size of Tony's living room. The walls were magnolia as well, but the carpet contrasted in royal blue. Two of these walls were line with bookcases, and on each shelf was a colourful array of books, stuffed bears and toys. None of them looked as though they'd been played with, though. They were ornaments, perfect, untouchable relics from childhood. The neatly made single bed sat beside the large window that overlooked the wide expanse of garden. Despite the brightly coloured children's belongings, the room gave a cold and uninviting feel.

At the centre of the room was a small red plastic table and a matching tiny chair, at which sat Penny. Even from a distance Tony could see something was wrong and this certainly wasn't how he'd first imagined setting eyes on his daughter on the drive over there. She sat stock-still on her chair, not touching the lunch plate before her and almost rigid with fear. Her dark hair, an identical brown to his own, hung around her face in dirty, unwashed clumps, her pink top was grubby and creased.

Shock punched Tony in the solar plexus. He'd imagined she'd be cross-legged on the ground, looking at a story book filled with pictures whilst she clutched a stuffed toy dangerously close to her. Not this.

"Penny," he whispered, moving slowly across the room towards her.

He crouched down beside her, and waited for her to look at him. She did, and he was met with his own eyes mirrored on her face. She was definitely his daughter. She had that same disbelief in her eyes that he felt; the 'why does she have to go away' look. The look that he'd seen staring back at him in the rear view mirror before he'd pulled out of the parking lot, one that told him exactly how lost he'd be with Penny, but without Alicia. He could only imagine how hard it would be for this little girl to lose the only person she'd ever been able to depend on, and knowing that dependency might soon be aimed at him terrified him.

"Penny, do you know who I am?" he asked her.

A few seconds passed, and then she nodded.

"Who am I, Penny?" he asked, just to be sure.

"Daddy," she whispered, before turning her face back to her lunch plate.

It looked more like a dinner meal, with age-greyed boiled potatoes, dried and shrivelled peas and a desiccated pork chop that was covered in a skin of gravy. The smell of the old meat assaulted his nostrils and he turned away, resisting the urge to gag.

"Yes, I'm Daddy," he confirmed. "Did Mommy tell you that you might come and stay with me for a while?"

She nodded.

"How do you feel about that?"

She raised her shoulders and then lowered them again. Then, in a tiny, hoarse voice, just like her mother's, she whispered. "don't know."

He slowly reached out and tucked a lock of her unwashed hair behind her right ear, so that he could see her face, but before he made contact she flinched away from him into a cringe, her hands flying up as though to protect herself from an attack. Tony recoiled back as well, his heart racing as he realised she thought he was going to hurt her. The small, fragile child thought he might hurt her. He stared at her, feeling his heartbeat increase. Then he noticed her right hand, three red lines streaked across her swollen palm. Around her right wrist were multicoloured bruises that looked like handprints, as though someone had held her hand that way as they whacked at her with a cane…just like Deirdre used to do to Alicia when she was a child.

"Penny, who did this?" he asked her softly. She just looked at him. "It's okay, Penny, you can tell me. You can trust Daddy." Daddy. How naturally it had fallen of his tongue. Again, there was no reaction, and then her eyes flickered over his shoulder to where Deirdre was standing in the door way.

Inside, Tony snapped. He wasn't evening remotely close to screaming, lashing out or overturning furniture, as he had done when he was angry before, though. Instead, the anger spilled through him until he was calm. It dampened every other emotion until he felt nothing else.

He knew then what he had to do.

He got to his feet and Penny relaxed a little. He marched across the room to one of the wardrobes and opened it. He found so many neatly-folded clothes, but grabbed only as much as he could fit into the rucksack he used for work. It wasn't a lot, but there was enough to alternate clothes for at least a week.

"What are you doing?" Deirdre asked him.

He ignored her, shoving the clothes into his bag as Penny looked up at him with a childlike hope. Daddy, she realised, was coming to take her away from Nana Deirdre. Like Mommy promised.

"You can't do this!" Deirdre shrieked at him.

"Clearly I can," Tony pointed out. "Because I am doing it."

"I'll call the police," she threatened.

He stood at full height before her. "Perhaps I should have introduced myself properly," he said, producing his badge. "Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS." Of course, he wasn't police, not anymore, but most people heard 'special agent' and the acronym and assumed they were some branch of authority.

"Fine, take her," Deirdre spat. "We'll be glad to see the back of her."

With that, she turned on her heels and left the room. Tony waited until the bag was done up and the footsteps were faded before crouching at Penny's side again. Her face, with it's tear-stained cheeks, ski-slope nose and pouty lips, was turned up at him. She immediately looked happier with Deidre out of the room. "Do you have any of your toys here, Penny?" he asked her.

She nodded.

"Okay, I want you to find them, especially your favourite, can you do that for me?"

She nodded, this time suspiciously.

"We're going away," he explained. "You're going to come and live with Daddy now and tomorrow we'll go and see Mommy."

"Mommy?" her face brightened a bit. "Really?"

He nodded, smiling. "Yes, I promise. We'll go every day."

Her chair didn't make a sound on the thick carpet as she pushed it back. She went over to her bed and reached underneath, pulling out another rucksack that was filled with toys. One was hanging out and she tugged it out completely, he noticed it to be a strange looking rag doll. She clutched it in her arms and handed the rest of the bag to him. He grinned at her, and she gave him a small smile back.

Time passed. He didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually he was standing on the end of the street, waiting to cross the road to where his car was parked. He had his rucksack over his shoulder, Penny's in one hand, and he was supporting the child he held against his hip with his other arm. His cell phone vibrated against his thigh, signalling yet another phone call from Gibbs he hadn't answered in time.

"Do you know what today is?" he asked Penny out of the blue.

She looked into her eyes, as if nothing he said would surprise her, and shook her head.

"It's my birthday."

Penny leaned out, giving him a tiny kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday," she whispered faintly, and then rested her tired head on his shoulder.

\------

Tony just stared at her as she had curled up asleep in his chair. He stood before his desk, realising just how much she looked like him. She had the same dark hair as he did. She had a healthy summery complexion, despite the treatment she'd received at her grandparents house, complete with a few sun kissed freckles on her cheeks an nose. She had the same face shape as Alicia, but his nose. It was too great a resemblance for her not to be his child. She even twitched her nose in his sleep like Ziva teased him for doing when he fell asleep at his desk.

Okay, so getting her to his desk in the first place had been nothing short of impossible, but it was either that, or go home where he'd be completely alone with the child he had no idea what to do with, so the mission to get her into NCIS without anyone getting suspicious or noticing that he had a child with him was the only option. The lobby had been busy, but the security guard had raised an eyebrow. Tony, thankfully, had managed to silence him with a look. Then, noticing that the elevator was stuck between two floors, he realised that Gibbs was clearly holding a conference with one of their FBI 'friends' in it, and took off to the stairwell. Thankfully, he'd been right, and Gibbs wasn't in the bullpen. In fact, only Ziva was. She looked up as soon as he'd entered.

"There you are! We've been calling you for an hour. Gibbs is--" she stopped, noticing that Tony was placing a sleeping Penny in his desk chair. "Tony, what…who is that?" she asked, getting up from her desk and going to stand before his, looking down at the sleeping girl with wide eyes.

"That's Penny," he said simply, placing his jacket over her shoulders even though it swamped her, but it substituted for a blanket.

"Tony-"

"She's my daughter."

As he suspected, that stopped the questions. Ziva continued to look at Penny, completely stunned. Of course, it hadn't surprised her that Tony had fathered a child considering all his ships that had passed on what had proven to be many different nights, but the idea of one of them actually falling into his hands was one that confused her.

"Where is her mother?" Ziva asked, and she noticed Tony stiffened before her. His shoulders locked into place and he froze completely. She frowned at him, about to ask him another question when the elevator doors opened across the bullpen, signalling Gibbs's return.

"DiNozzo!" he barked, as soon as he saw the back of his head.

Tony turned instantly, as did Ziva. Together, their bodies completely covered up that there was a sleeping child in Tony's chair. "Boss, I-"

"I told you to be back two hours ago. Where the hell have you been?"

"Riverdale," he said simply.

"Riverdale?"

"Boss…I've got a bit of a … situation," Tony tried to explain.

Gibbs fixed him with a glare. "Does it involve searching for a new job?"

"Her mother's dying," he blurted out, and Ziva whipped her eyes round to him.

"Who's mother?" Gibbs asked him.

"Penny's mom. Alicia. She's got leukaemia, and she hasn't got much time left, and I-"

"Cut to the chase, DiNozzo."

Tony sighed, knowing that he was already in enough trouble, and that revealing this part of his past to Gibbs would either lessen his anger or throw it into catastrophic levels of rage. He stepped to the side, looking to the little dark haired girl sleeping peacefully with her head on the arm of his desk chair, covered by his jacket, still fast asleep despite the conversation that had just been happening before her.

"Boss, I…I think I'm going to need some help," Tony admitted quietly.


	4. I'm Going To Take Care Of You

People were talking to him. Gibbs was asking him questions; questions he didn't have answers to. Ziva had her eyes trained on him and he heard her say his name twice, maybe even three times, but he didn't pay any attention; he'd dazed off into a fantasy world he knew as 'this morning' where this situation didn't exist. This morning, he'd been happy, excited even. He had a date lined up for that night, a great celebration planning for his birthday that involved too much alcohol and a hangover accompanied by a naked woman in his bed the next morning. Clearly, that wasn't going to be happening now. So, he just waited for someone to shake him, for cameras to burst out from behind McGee's desk shouting, "surprise!" and tell him it was actually all a joke, but it never happened. He just stood there, wondering whether he was actually insane and had imagined the whole thing. But then again, his imagination never had been that good.

Penny was curled up in his chair, the same chair that sometimes groaned with the strain when he threw himself into it first thing in the morning. He doubted that it even recognized the fragile weight of such a tiny girl upon it, compared to himself. The desk was between her and the three adults staring down at her, but he still felt the need to whisper in case they woke her up. He didn't know what to do if she woke up. He didn't know the first thing about children. So, silently, he stood there, not knowing what else to do other than to look at this new person in his life.

She would have just turned three years old. Last month. Inside, a part of him wanted to give himself a head-slap for not being there for any of the three birthdays. He'd missed his daughter's birthdays. Three of them. Penny. Penelope. It was a nice name, he decided. It wasn't fancy and unique like some he heard of today. Now that he was actually taking the time to look at her, he could see just how much she did look like him. She had the same dark hair that he did, although hers was lank and hanging where it hadn't been washed for so long. She was obviously a child who enjoyed being outdoors, as beneath the pale skin that had set in during her stay at her grandparents house, he could see a light dusting of sun kissed freckles on her cheeks and nose. She had the same face shape as him, the same chin, the same nose...the resemblance was too great for her to be anything other than her father's daughter. She even twitched her nose slightly in her sleep like Ziva teased him for doing when he fell asleep at his desk.

"DiNozzo!" A startling head-slap brought him back to reality and out of his daze. He didn't look up from Penny even though he was now concentrating on Gibbs' presence. He was concerned for Penny, wishing for nothing else than Alicia making a miracle recovery so that he didn't have to prove how bad an idea this was, but he still couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Yes, boss," he answered promptly, but without his usual enthusiasm.

"Where's this girl's mother?"

"Capital Hospice, downtown DC," he said, still lacking bounce to his tone.

"What for?"

He swallowed a lump in his throat; one that didn't bring tears but instead a choking panic threatening to consume him. "Leukaemia."

Gibbs was silent for a moment, and then he stepped forward in line with Tony, the two of them looking down at Penny together. She wasn't just some girl sitting in Tony's chair now, she was Tony's daughter, and he was soon to be all she had left in the world. "How long does she have?" he asked, quieter this time, a strange sympathy in his voice.

Tony shook his head. "Not long." They continued to watch Penny, who twitched her nose again, snuggling further into Tony's jacket and inhaling deeply. "Boss," he croaked out in a helpless tone that was unlike him. "I…I don't know what to do." That lump was still there. Why? Was it because he was finally facing up to the fact that Alicia was going to die, or because he was scared about being completely responsible for Penny after she was gone? He could already feel the questions, the 'what ifs', and the despair clutching at his insides and setting not to move.

After a moments silence, Ziva moved around the two men, going behind Tony's desk. Tony drew in a sharp breath. She wasn't going to wake her up, was she? But instead, Ziva crouched down beside the chair and leaned close to the little girl, scraping back some of her hanging hair to reveal more of her face. "She certainly does resemble you, Tony," she said in a soft tone. "That much is obvious."

"Yeah," he murmured, sounding almost distracted. "Yeah, she does."

"She's a beautiful girl," Gibbs nodded, "regardless."

It was that moment, when Gibbs and Ziva had undeniably accepted Penny as his daughter, that Tony snapped. The shock that had numbed him with seeing Alicia so fragile and weak as well as the drive that had sent him to Riverdale to rescue Penny from her grandparents, had worn off. This was reality now. Not a dream. Not a figment of his imagination. Not even a movie. He was a father. He had certain responsibilities he had to face now. He knew that he wasn't ready for it, and the reality of this was what sent him into a panicked overdrive.

"What am I going to do?" he cried out, taking a step backward to distance himself. His hands found themselves holding his head upright as he looked at Penny with a fear in his eyes. "I don't know the first thing about being a father!" As if to demonstrate this, he found his voice raising considerably, forgetting that loud noises woke sleeping children.

"It will work out, Tony," Ziva assured him gently. "You will learn what you need to know."

"Well, what am I supposed to do with her?" he asked, wildly flinging one of his arms in her direction, as if he were afraid she were about to explode.

Gibbs turned from Penny to face him. "DiNozzo-"

He looked at his boss, desperation still clinging in his eyes. "Boss, I can't do this," he insisted.

"Yes, you can," he told the younger agent, "you have to."

Tony gulped loudly, shaking his head. "What happens when she wakes up? What happens when Alicia…" he stopped shirt, running his hands through this hair. "I'm going to have to be the one to tell her when she…Oh god, how do I tell her…do you think she…Oh, man, what have I gotten myself into…?"

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked again, stopping him mid rant. "What are you doing?"

"I just…" he calmed down, but just a little. "I know that this looks bad…"

"Yeah, you got that right," Gibbs confirmed.

"But I haven't ignored her," he defended quickly. "I haven't been ignoring her all these years, honestly."

"Then I suggest you start at the beginning and explain exactly why your daughter is spending more time behind your desk than you are today."

Tony nodded, taking a deep breath. "Alicia and I were together four years ago but then she got pregnant. She told me that it wasn't my baby and so I left. I never heard from her again but I knew that she had a daughter, Penny. A few months ago I started getting letters from her but I never opened them, and then this morning I had a card from her telling me that she needed to see me and that she…that she was dying, so I went to see her. She told me that Penny was mine but she didn't want to tell me because she didn't think I could cope with it, but now she needed me to look after her when she was gone."

"Where was she staying until today?"

"With her grandparents in Riverdale. Alicia's dad and step-mom. Which is bad," he explained vaguely. "They're not the nicest of people."

"Meaning?" Gibbs asked impatiently.

"Meaning that when I got there Penny was locked in her bedroom with food so old it could be classed as penicillin," Tony explained, feeling his hands start to shake again as he pictured what was happening back in that house. "Not to mention the fact that there are red marks on her hands."

Ziva's eyes dropped from Penny's face to her hands that were curled around Tony's jacket. She gently turned them over, careful not to wake her and gasped. "She was hit," she confirmed.

Gibbs's eyes clouded over with rage as Tony's had done when he saw the marks. "The grandparents did this?" Tony nodded. "You call anyone?"

"No," he admitted, realising that the first thing he should have done was call the police and have them locked up for child abuse. "I just got her stuff and got her out of there…that's how she ended up here. I couldn't leave her there, Gibbs, not like that. She hadn't even seen her mom for three weeks and-"

"All right," Gibbs said, cutting him off and looking between Penny and Tony. "She's your responsibility now, DiNozzo," he said simply. "You have to take care of her."

"I don't know how," he said. "I don't even baby sit. I don't have any siblings…I don't know what to do with kids."

Ziva continued to inspect Penny closely. "For a start, she needs a bath," she pointed out, looking up at Tony.

He frowned at her. "A bath?"

Gibbs gave Tony one of his looks. "Yes, DiNozzo, a bath. Look at her, she's filthy. Now, you take her home and give her a bath before you even think about doing anything else."

Tony's eyes widened. "You mean…me…by myself?"

Gibbs just stared at him.

"It's just that…I don't know about kids and-"

"I can go with him," Ziva offered. "If I can finish my paperwork at Tony's apartment."

Gibbs nodded. "Go."

Tony inhaled deeply, going over and awkwardly lifting the still-sleeping Penny from his chair, keeping her wrapped in his jacket. He awkwardly threw his bag and Penny's over his other shoulder and moved towards the elevator.

As Ziva moved to do the same, Gibbs stopped her, leaning in close so that Tony wasn't listening in. "He's capable of this," Gibbs told her. "Make sure he knows that." Ziva just nodded and walked after Tony, who was waiting by the elevator.

How had he gotten himself here? he wondered, as he stood waiting for the elevator to arrive. Here. Where this fatherhood thing was a serious issue? He'd left Alicia's bedside determined to only think about it, and hadn't. It wasn't as if he'd had to think about it right away, so he'd walked out of the hospice, placing the idea to the back of his head to be brought out and considered another time. Except 'another time' had occurred only minutes later when he arrived back in the NCIS parking lot.

That morning, his biggest decision was which shirt he was going to wear so that his date for the evening could tear it off of him. Now, that was just a memory from a distant age. Was that really him? Was it really him that had been planning on getting slaughtered from excessive drinking that night? Because if it was, how could he be the same person taking his three year old daughter home for a bath and seriously having to think about becoming a proper father?

Him and a child. Tony DiNozzo and Penelope Ryan. Him and his daughter. Surely this was never meant to happen.

Children had never been a part of his plan. Of course, there would always be the part of him that yearned for a mini-me, someone he could teach all his tricks to, but then he'd learnt about reality. He was barely capable of taking care of himself, let alone another human being and one so dependant at that. There had been never been children in his life growing up, an only child in his family of three that had dwindled to two after his mother died, coincidently the same time that his father had become an alcoholic. Sure, he could probably handle taking a football into the back yard and keeping kids occupied that way, but feeding and bath time and bedtimes?

You had to be prepared to give up everything for children. Everything. Time, space, affection...could he really do that?

The doors opened, and he had Ziva stepped into the elevator. As the doors shut behind them, Penny stirred, and Tony held his breath in case she woke up. A hundred different expressions flitted across her face as her dream played out in her mind, and then she settled back into sleep, pressing her face in the spot between his neck and shoulder as if she'd always known it.

Could he do this? Could he raise his daughter? He could doubt until the cows came home, but it was futile. There was no going back now. He'd taken her from her grandparents. He'd had to, of course, because she couldn't have stayed there a moment longer when she was being hurt and wasn't wanted, but he'd still taken her.

That meant he hadn't just said yes to taking her in, he'd practically screamed it from the top of his lungs.

By the time they arrived back at Tony's apartment, Penny was like an anvil in his arms. His biceps, elbows and forearms were frozen in pain because he'd had to carry her up the stairs to his apartment, as the elevator was broken. Of course, he'd drive there, not trusting Ziva to drive safely with just him in the car, let alone a child of Penny's age when he didn't even have a booster seat for her. When they got inside, he lay her down on the couch, nearly jumping out of his skin when her eyes flew open. With her dirty dark hair fanned around her, she kept her eyes trained on him, always watching and never leaving him for a second when he moved around the apartment.

She was terrified. Wide-awake and terrified. Join the queue, kid, he thought. He was terrified too. The implications of what he'd done a few hours ago were only just starting to hit him now that Gibbs had sent him home with her. He'd done something big and stupid and it was only because Ziva was there with him that he wasn't stumbling and tripping over things every time he moved.

"Are you okay?" he asked Penny cautiously. His fear that she might burst into tears outweighed all his other fears combined. He had no idea how to handle a crying child. He'd never babysat, but he'd held a child at parties occasionally, when he'd known that once a child started crying he could hand them back to the person responsible for them, secure in the knowledge that nothing he could do would appease them so he didn't have to try.

Penny was silent, and Ziva appeared at Tony's side. "Where is the bathroom?" she asked him quietly. "I'll go and run the bath for her."

"Down the hall, second door on the right," he told her automatically. "Ziva, I-"

"You're welcome," she half-smiled at him, and disappeared down the hall.

Tony turned back to Penny. "Where are we?" she asked him quietly.

"We're home at my house," he told her gently.

She nodded, crawling to sit on her knees beside him, looking around at the apartment. She screwed up her face. "It's messy."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "I'm not a very good cleaner."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Mommy's a good cleaner."

"I know," he repeated. "She used to help me with my cleaning."

"Before you went on holiday?"

Of course, she thought he'd been on holiday for the past three years of her life. He just nodded. "Yeah, before then."

She nodded, accepting this. "I watched Mommy clean sometimes."

"Do you think you can show me sometime?" he asked her, humoring her. "You can teach me how to be a good cleaner."

She nodded again. "Yeah." Her hair was so lank that it didn't even move when she nodded her head.

"When was the last time you had a bath?" he asked her. She shrugged her shoulders. "We need to wash your hair. Then we'll get some dinner."

"What's for dinner?" she asked him.

"I don't know. I can't really cook either. Do you like pizza?" he asked her.

She nodded. "I like peppa-oni," she said, sounding out the word on her tongue. Pronouncing it ever so slightly wrong, just like Ziva did with words occasionally. He found it as cute on her as he did on Ziva, not that he'd ever admit that to the former Mossad agent. She'd pick up the nearest object and kill him in twenty different ways with it if she thought he was referring to her as 'cute'. He could probably get away with 'attractive' with a light beating, but definitely not 'cute'.

"I'll call us a pizza then," he said.

She didn't move as he did his usual routine after coming home from work; thinks like putting on the television, although this time he looked at what was on the screen before he moved on to taking off his tie, throwing it on the back of the couch. He put on a couple more lights, and then Ziva poked her head out further down the hall.

"The water's ready," she told him.

He nodded. "Come on, Penny."

She followed him down the hall, and then went into the bathroom together. Ziva had pinned back the shower curtain and ran the bath half-full. There was a little amount of bubbles in there. Of course, it was a pathetic amount, but it made the water slightly more appealing to a child. "Bubbles?" he questioned. "I don't have bubbles."

"Hair shampoo," she confirmed. "Not as good as bubble-bath, but it works in emergencies." She went to turn around and leave the bathroom, but was surprised when Tony reached out, taking hold of her arm gently.

"Stay," he whispered.

"Tony-"

"I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted, and then let out a shaky breath. "Please."

She nodded silently, and then sat down on the edge of the bath. Tony bent down, crouching before Penny as he helped her to get undressed. Penny wasn't very co-operative, as her eyes were fixed on Ziva now. "Whoozat?" she asked.

"That's Ziva," Tony told her. "She's my friend. She's going to help us do bath time. Is that okay?"

Penny nodded. "Thank you for putting bubbles in my bath, Ziva."

"You're very welcome, Penny," Ziva smiled at her.

"I think Ziva's a good friend," Penny observed, as Tony took off her pink sweater.

"Yeah?" Tony asked her. "What makes you think that?"

"Because she's being nice and helping you," Penny said simply.

Tony and Ziva shared an amused look, before he turned back to the task at hand, gently tugging her grubby t-shirt over her head. He had to stop himself recoiling in horror. She was reed thin, and obviously hadn't eaten properly for weeks. Her arms were like twig branches that hung from her scrawny shoulders; her ribs producing from her skin that...

Oh God, her skin...tears actually punched his eyes when realized that this was his daughter's skin he was looking at. This was his little girl's beautiful skin that was blotched all over with dirt and bruises. His mind caved in on itself and his heart thumped in his ears. How could they do this? How could anyone do this? He knew that this sort of treatment went on in the sickest parts of society, but he never expected it to happen so close to home. It partly reminded him of when Kate died. They knew the risks every day when they went into the field, particularly when dealing with terrorists, but they never considered what would happen if one of them died. He knew that Alicia's stepmother was capable of this, and that her father of much worse, but he'd only ever heard the stories. He couldn't actually believe it until that moment.

He finished undressing her, and lifted her into the bath. She was oblivious to Tony's shock and, for the first time to Tony's eyes, she grinned, slapping her hands into the bubbles as she giggled. "I like the bubbles," she laughed.

"I can tell," Tony said, unable to hold back his smile.

Of course, the bubbles were only from shampoo, and they soon began to fade. Thankfully, Penny sat obediently still as Tony attempted to wash her hair, occasionally with Ziva prompting that she needed to tilt her head back further. However, the last large clump of bubbles remaining was, at this point, piled onto the top of Tony's head in attempt to give him a bubble wig.

"Now you've got more hair!" Penny said proudly.

"Very …bubbly hair," he observed, feeling the water running down the back of his neck from when she had dumped them on his head.

"Mommy doesn't got hair no more," Penny said sadly.

"No, she hasn't," Tony confirmed.

"The medicine made it go away," she remembered. "It all started coming out so she cut it all off and wore scarves instead. Mommy had pretty hair."

"Yeah, she did, didn't she?" He also remembered.

Penny looked up, observing Ziva deeply. "Ziva's got pretty hair too," she said, touching her own hair. "It's like my color."

He was glad that bath time went without any hitches. As he finally got the hang of washing her hair, Ziva kept her more than occupied, chatting away to her about anything and everything to keep her mind off of what was happening, and what was still to come. Tony joined in when questioned, but in the end he was just sitting there, focusing on the task at hand, worried that if he took his eyes off of her for just a second she might drown. When he lifted her out of the bath sometime later, he bundled her into a warm towel, one of his new ones that had barely been used so was still soft. Ziva had gone to pay the pizza deliveryman, so father and daughter were alone in the bathroom together. He dried her skin carefully, not wanting to hurt her, but she still winced when he touched one particular bruise on her side.

He frowned, looking at her with concern. "Penny, did your grandparents do this to you?" he asked her gently.

She just stared at him, her previous chatter abandoning her.

"It's okay, Penny, you can tell me," he assured her.

She nodded.

He stopped drying her and enveloped her into his arms. Together, they stayed like that for some time, sat on the bathroom floor, both warmed by the steam in the air and each other's embrace. Penny snaked her arms out from the towel and wrapped them around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder.

"Daddy," she whispered.

"You'll be okay, Penny," he told her. "I'm going to take care of you now, okay? I'm going to take care of you."

She lifted her head from his shoulder, putting her hands on his chest and forcing herself up. He let his hand drop from her wet hair and let it fall to her side, whilst the other still remained on her back. She looked at him with curious eyes, frowning as she tried to figure him out. She kept herself propped up with her hands sprawled on his chest.

"You're not going on holiday again?" she checked.

He shook his head. "No."

"You look like me a bit," she observed.

'A bit' was an understatement, of course. They were almost duplicates, save for gender and size. Yet, there was still the fact that her eyes screamed of Alicia. "I guess I do," he agreed.

"You're gonna look after me for mommy, right?" she asked him.

He took a deep breath, feeling the responsibility piling onto his shoulders as he nodded. "Yeah, I am." His hand came up to the back of her head, placing his palm against it and stroking down her hair, the locks curling slightly as they began to dry. It felt cleaner now, softer.

Penny was silent for a while, watching him with curious eyes once more, until she spoke in a tiny voice. "I don't think I mind that."


	5. If You Need Me

They ate their pizza in silence; no one really knowing what to say. Ziva wanted to assure Tony that things would be okay, but didn't want Penny to ask a question about things not being okay, and it was clear that Alicia's illness was having a similarly heartbreaking response on Tony as it was their daughter. So, Tony and Penny tucked into their pizza in silence, Ziva just looking between the two and wishing that something more could be done, by anyone. They were so alike in appearance, and she'd noticed certain mannerisms that were the same as well. When Penny appeared to be thinking, she'd scrunch up her nose, and when she was outsmarted on something and couldn't think how to react, she'd just stare with such intensity that it almost made her shudder to realise it was an exact replica of Tony's eyes; eyes that could search even the most guarded soul and lay it bare for only them to see.

After dinner, Penny took up her place on the couch before the television. Ziva had no idea what was on, but it appeared to be an old action movie. "From Russia With Love," Tony announced when he saw Ziva's quizzical expression. "Sean Connery, 1964. A real classic."

"James Bond?"

He nodded. "The second in the series. Never been another one like it."

Penny watched the fight sequences and action scenes as if they were some form of undiscovered treasure that she alone had found, but Ziva could see how old they were. Of course, Tony considered them classics, but his idea of classic coincided with her idea of badly shot fight sequences that looked out of place and appallingly timed. Even the special effects were terrible. But Tony loved them, and apparently so did Penny, and any common ground they could find at the moment could be precious, so she bit her tongue when her instinct told her to scream heresy at several of the scenes in the movie.

Before she realised it, she'd sat and watched half of the movie before realising that Tony was no longer in the room. In fact, she wasn't even aware of him sitting down in the living room at any time. She got up from the armchair beside the couch, and went down the hall, pausing in the doorway to check that Penny was still happily watching her movie. As she suspected, the bedroom door that had once been swinging open was now firmly shut. She knocked on it, not waiting around for him to answer before she opened it herself. Inside, she found him lying in the centre of his double bed, eyes closed and occasionally facing the ceiling as he lightly banged his head against the headboard of solid wood behind him.

"I came in here to be alone, Ziva," he said, not looking up because he knew it would be her.

"You have had time to be alone," she said, crossing the room and sitting down on the edge of his bed. She was silent for a moment, thinking that perhaps her presence alone would cease him banging his head, but he continued the repetitive motion. "You will give yourself a headache doing that," she told him simply.

"I've already got one," he half-snapped back.

"Tony-"

"Look, Ziva," he interrupted, stopping the banging of his head finally and sitting up properly. "I appreciate that you're trying to help, but I really don't want to deal with this right now."

"You do not have a choice," she pointed out, bringing her legs up onto the mattress and tucking them underneath her. He couldn't help but notice it was an unnaturally feminine action for Ziva, but at the same time, he realised that this showed how comfortable she was around him; she was finally letting down her guard in a time when he was fighting to keep his intact. "You have a daughter to think about now. A beautiful daughter."

"A daughter I didn't want," he muttered, almost guiltily.

"How can you say that?" she asked him. "You are her only hope."

"I'm not cut out to be a parent, Ziva. It doesn't come easy to me."

"What about it do you think is easy for anyone?" she challenged him.

He couldn't answer, sighing heavily instead. "I can't do this," he told her. "I'm not going to do this."

"You have to. She's your child and you need to take care of her now, whether you want to or not," she reminded him. He looked away from her dark eyes, focusing his attention on the other corner of the bed. "You cannot run away from this, Tony," she added more quietly.

"Who are you to decide what I do?" he snapped back quickly.

"You and Penny are family," she pointed out to him, emphasising the important word and not acting on his snappy tone. She understood that emotions were ruling his words at the moment. "Families do not get to walk away from one another, families fight for each other."

"What about Alicia? Alicia's her mother and she can't fight. She physically can't."

"Which is why you have to," she replied quickly.

He shook his head again, lapsing back into the doubt. "I can't do this," he insisted.

"You do not have a choice," she reminded him.

"It's not a case of 'won't', Ziva. I just can't!"

She took a long look at her partner, seeing how torn up he really was inside. For a moment she was even sure that she had seen tears in his eyes but he had blinked them away too quickly for her mind to register them. Tony wasn't like this. Tony took risks. Tony brushed emotions away. Tony still had the mind of a child sometimes. But, she realised, Tony now needed to change. He couldn't take risks as big as he had done in the past because he had a life other than his own to consider. He couldn't brush off his emotions whenever he wanted, because what he denied himself to feel could make a huge difference to Penny's emotional state. He couldn't go out to dates and parties which lasted until the small hours of the morning because he needed to be there for his child. He needed to be there to put her to bed, and Penny needed to know that he would be there when she woke up, especially now. It was only so long until the fear of abandonment by her sole remaining parent would begin, and she would need Tony more than she might ever need him in her life. He would have to be ready for that.

"You have to try," she whispered to him.

Tony was silent for a moment, remembering the fateful times he had said 'I'll try anything once and twice if I like it' when faced with something new. "What if I still can't?" he asked, a fear evident in his voice. What if he really wasn't capable of looking after Penny? What would happen then?

"Then at least you will have tried," Ziva told him, as a tiny head appeared around the doorway.

"Daddy..." Penny muttered quietly, looking between him and Ziva with curious eyes.

"What's the matter, kid?" he asked her.

"I gotta go to the bathroom."

"Right, well...the bathroom's in there," he said, pointing her into the room they'd been in a while ago. "...you okay on your own?"

She tilted her head to one side. "Huh?"

"Do you...do you go on your own, or do you need someone to go with you?" he asked, almost hesitantly.

To his surprise, she grinned at him proudly. "No, I wipe my own ass," she announced before she skipped across the hall and into the bathroom.

In the bedroom, Tony and Ziva looked at the door, stunned. "Did that just happen?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Ziva confirmed, nodding her head with a look of wonder on her face. If anyone had doubted that Penny was truly Tony's daughter, they would have been proved wrong in that instant alone.

"Whoa," Tony muttered.

"See, you should not be so worried," Ziva told him, turning back to the conversation they'd been having before. "Look at how you are affecting her."

He sighed, moving to the edge of the bed and sitting beside her. "And how, exactly, am I doing that?"

"You insist that you aren't capable of being a father, but the moment she's around you she seems to forget that her mother will not be here much longer," she pointed out.

He shook his head sadly. "That's herreaction, Ziva, not mine."

"It shows that she trusts you," she revealed.

"She hasn't even known me for a day," he argued back.

"But you showed up and rescued her when she was being ill treated." Ziva smiled at him, reaching out and taking his hand in her own. It wasn't a romantic gesture, more of a friendly one, but Tony stared down at their clasped hands. "You have done a good thing, Tony," she whispered to him.

At that moment, Penny came back into the room. Tony was partly glad, because he hadn't known how to react to Ziva's words or her touch. Of course, there were many times when they'd let down their sarcastic exterior around each other and proved that they had each others backs, but it was rare for a physical assurance to come from this. The simple touch of her hand had sent more calm through his body after such stress than any cheap date had done after a hard days work. Part of him suspected that any second she would revert to her usual mannerisms and tell him to stop being ridiculous and they'd go back to their playful fighting and flirting, but the part of his mind that craved this comfort from her in his situation kept hold of her hand, not wanting the moment - this precious moment when they were both letting each other further into their protected core without any consequence - to end.

Penny's yawn took them both out of their trance with each other. "Are you tired?" Tony asked, as she approached the bed. Penny rested her head on Tony's knee, nodding against his jeans. "You better go to bed then," he realised. "You'll have to sleep in my bed."

"Will you stay with me?" she asked him in a tiny, tired voice.

Tony looked up at Ziva, who nodded at him. "Yeah, I'll stay," he assured her.

Ziva stood up from his side. "I should be going," she announced.

Tony's eyes snapped back up to her. "Ziva-"

"You will be fine, Tony," she assured him with a gentle smile.

"But-"

"If you need anything, just call me and I will come back, but for now you could both use a good rest," she instructed.

Tony looked at her for a moment, dangerously close to biting his lip and begging her to stay so that he wouldn't be alone with the three year old he didn't know how to care for, if only for Penny's sake, but he didn't. Instead, he surrendered, realising that she was telling the truth - they both needed the sleep, and he felt comforted knowing that with one phone call she could be back here. "Okay," he nodded, and looked down at Penny, nudging her slightly as she began to fall asleep leaning against his knee. "You going to say goodnight to Ziva, Penny?"

Penny looked up at Ziva with a frown. "You goin' home?" she asked.

Ziva nodded, crouching down to her level. Tony watched interaction between them with interest, wondering when Ziva had learnt to be so good with children or whether it was just a natural thing with women. "Yes, but I shall see you in the morning."

Penny nodded. "Thank you for my bubbles," she said again.

"You're very welcome," Ziva smiled at her. "Lyla tov, Penny." Penny looked at her with confusion, scrunching up her eyes in the same manner as her father. "It means 'goodnight'in Hebrew," she informed her.

"Oh," Penny said. "Lyla tov," she repeated, and Tony wondered who sounded cuter; Ziva with her naturally assumed accent where the words rolled effortless off her foreign tongue, or Penny, who stumbled over the words as she tried to clumsily match the pronunciation.

"That's right," Ziva praised her. "You are very gifted with languages, Penny. Now, I shall see you tomorrow. You look after your father, yes?"

She nodded. Ziva smiled warmly as Penny leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She then turned her attention to her partner once again. "Goodnight, Tony," she smiled.

"You don't have to go," he argued as she stood up once again.

"I have no clothes for tomorrow and I am in desperate need of a shower," she pointed out. She was right, he realised, he just wanted her here for his own selfish reasons. "I meant what I said, however, and if you need me I shall come back."

He smiled at her, looking rather much like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Thanks," he murmured.

"You're welcome," she nodded, as she moved into the hall. "Goodnight."

He heard the front door close, and then whispered into the silence of the room. "Goodnight, Ziva."

Once in bed, Penny curled up against him. He shook his head slowly at the notion, but didn't move from the position beside her. He didn't want to risk her kicking up a fuss from him moving her out of his arms, so he let her stay there, feeling slightly warmed by her presence, and glad that he wasn't alone for the night. He could no longer hear the television in the background, realising that Ziva must have turned it off before she left. Had the two of them fallen asleep on the couch he'd have been tempted to turn it back on, but instead, the bedroom was silent and empty apart from them, and he was left to the wrath of the deepest corners of his mind.

His first thoughts drifted to Alicia. Alicia had been a friend before his girlfriend, a girl he'd known since college. She'd been the girl who always second guessed him and always turned out to be right. One of her friends was dating one of his, so they always had an excuse to spend time together and whenever he was showing off she was there to put him in his place, whether they were drinking shots or he was trying a new prank. He couldn't count the amount of times she'd said "I told you so".

She'd been there for a lot of things in his life, both good and bad, and it felt strange now to know that she wasn't going to be there for similar moments in their daughter's life. Alicia had been the first girl that he'd ever really opened up to. He remembered taking her to see his mother's tombstone when she couldn't understand why he got so irritable every June. He couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been there until they had broken up, and that's why he had taken it harder than he assumed she had. Clearly with Penny in tow, and knowing that he was the father, she'd suffered with the break up as much as he had, but at least she had a reason to go on. It was leaving Alicia that had started him on a string of one date relationships and too much casual sex.

He wasn't sure he believed what was going on. A part of him wondered if this was still a cruel joke on him to make up for four years of no contact. He felt bad about it, especially about not opening the letters she sent him, but she'd moved house and changed her number and he wasn't about to go to her father's looking for her. It wasn't impossible to find her, but it was for him on his own and he was too aware of keeping his reputation to ask anyone for help. But still...this was Alicia...

She was the girl who had taken care of him at a frat party when he'd ended up drinking too much and vomiting for three hours into the bedding plants outside his rival fraternity. She was the girl who had given him the encouragement to pass his exam into the police force when his father told him he didn't have what it takes. She was the one who snuck him a cheeseburger when he was in hospital after breaking his leg. She was the one who would tell him that his hair was getting too long, the one who would tell him that tanned was one thing but looking like a roasting lobster was a step too far. She was always at his side, the first to tell him when he was doing something wrong and right in line to show him what he was really supposed to be doing.

So why hadn't she given him a chance to know his daughter?

That part of him actually resented her, even though she lay sick and dying away from her daughter in a hospice. Being a father had never been part of his plan, but didn't he deserve the chance for it all the same? He had to admit, there was something about Penny that he couldn't describe, but she had captured a part of his heart already; the part of his heart that had burst at the sight of signs of abuse to his daughter and the part that had whisked her away from those who claimed to be her family. He'd never planned on settling down and raising a family. How can you consider that option when most of the girls don't even hang around for breakfast afterwards? Now, in less than a day he had become a father to a girl who was about to lose her mother. He'd always have to make time for her. He'd have to take her to school when she was older, do parents night and school productions, something that he'd always hated being a part of himself. He'd have to be at her side when she was sick, and to encourage her when she was doing well.

He'd have to grow up.

He didn't think he knew how to be a father. Outside of work he was a complete mess. He seemed to drag everyone around him from one disaster to the next, reading magazines that were really only designed for looking at the pictures, waking up at lunchtime on his rare days off and eating leftover pizza for breakfast. He went on dates and got slaughtered, more than often sleeping with a woman he barely knew. He'd go into the line of duty attempting more daring moves than most stunt men wouldn't try. He played loud music, and the language in his favourite films was explicit, not to mention the violence in them. He drove cars that were classic rather than safe and he drove as fast as he could without getting a ticket. He left dirty clothes on his floor until he literally had no change of clothes left.

But now, that would have to change. He couldn't go out all night and bang around as much as he wanted when he got in because Penny would be sleeping. He'd actually have to give a damn about his health and safety, even at work, because of what might happen if he were to come to some mortal harm and then Penny would have no parents. He couldn't play music and moves that would more than likely leave Penny needing a shrink before she turned five. He couldn't drive like he was sitting on a bee because it wasn't safe for her.

"I'm going to be a terrible father," he whispered into the room.

It was the way that Penny looked at him that made feel the most useless. It was the same futile way he'd looked to his father when his mother had died. She looked at him with expectancy, waiting for guidance and wanting to know everything he had to offer because he was the guider, the protector, the parent; and in a child's eyes, parents knew everything. He knew that her eyes were exactly the same as his, but she looked at him like he remembered Alicia looking at him; a locked on expression that didn't change.

"Nu-night, Daddy," she suddenly murmured, and he froze, having thought she was already asleep. "Love you."

Catching his breath in his chest, he was silent for a moment. Eventually, in the final moments before she fell asleep, he managed to choke out a reply.

"Um...night, Penny."


	6. I'll Do It

"Anthony. Anthony, wake up."

Six year old Tony felt himself being shaken away, much to his annoyance. It was a Saturday morning, and his basketball practice had been cancelled so he wanted to spent a morning sleeping in for once. Of course, he enjoyed basketball, but he hadn't been playing it for very long. "Dad?" he asked, rubbing his eyes as he instantly recognised the empty voice of the man who was shaking him. His father looked down at him, and Tony, still half-asleep, didn't spot the red-rimmed eyes of his father.

"Breakfast," his father said simply.

Confused, Tony slipped out of bed, not bothering to pull the covers back over afterwards. He didn't even bother to change out his pyjamas like he usually did in the mornings. He just followed his father downstairs, all the more confused. He never got woken up for breakfast on weekends - only ever on a school morning. When he reached the kitchen, he couldn't smell the bacon frying of the sausages cooking or the toast toasting. He couldn't smell breakfast. Where was the cook? Where was the maid?

"Where's Mom?" he asked his father, as the two of them sat at the kitchen table opposite each other.

His father held out his hand, and Tony reached out carefully, putting his hand inside his father's. Something was wrong, and he knew it. "I am about to tell you something very important, Anthony, although it is not something nice. It is going to hurt for a while, but I need you to be brave and strong."

"Where's Mom?" he asked again.

"Anthony, you know that recently your mother has been ill..."

"Where's Mom?"

"Do not interrupt me, Anthony," his father told him, keeping the harsh edge from his scolding tone but it still served to keep Tony from asking again. If anything, the lack of discipline in his father's voice was what stopped him because he knew that it meant something was very wrong. "Your mother was sick, and sometimes when people get sick they do not always get better."

"But Mom told me she was going to get better," Tony frowned. "The doctors gave her a medicine."

"The medicine had stopped working a long time ago, son," he told him.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Anthony. No one knows. It just happens sometimes."

"Is that where Mom is?" he asked. "With the doctors again? I heard you go out in the night with Mom. I heard the car."

"Yes," his father confirmed. "I took your mother to the hospital after you feel asleep. The maid stayed here so you were not alone, but your mother was very ill and I had to take her back to the hospital."

"But she just got home again yesterday!" he complained. She was meant to be there. She was meant to be at his basketball match tomorrow. She promised. She promised him. No matter what.

"She got worse, Anthony," his father told him. "We cannot help her here like the doctors can at the hospital."

"Did they help her?" he asked. "Can she come home again?"

His father shook his head. "No, she can't."

"But she promised to be at my game tomorrow," he argued. "She promised.

His father squeezed his hand, looking at him with an intense gaze. "Anthony, son, the doctors did everything that they could to help her, but I'm afraid your mother passed away early this morning."

There was a long silence in which Tony wondered whether he had heard his father correctly. He didn't know what to do. His father was seated before him, the picture of strength at a moment of loss, and he didn't know what to do. Tears were in his eyes, on his cheeks, dripping off his chin...

"But she promised..." he whined as he began to sob.

\--

Tony snapped awake with a start. For a moment, he lay there, breathing hard as if he had been running. He hadn't been running though, he had been dreaming, or rather, he'd had a memory, and a disturbing one at that. He ran his hands over his face, wiping away the cool sweat that covered his skin. He hadn't dreamt about that day for many years. That day. The day his mother died. The last time he had allowed himself to cry other than the one time he had indulged in tears after Kate's death.

The temptation to go back to sleep was great, but he knew from the sun streaming through the curtains that it was too late in the morning to do that. He shook himself, sitting up in bed. It had been a long night and he hadn't got much sleep with the combination of memories and not wanting to move in case he woke Penny up.

Oh, and Penny had told him that she loved him.

That had been a key reason in him not being able to sleep. It hadn't been thoughts of Alicia completely that had kept him restless, but the girl he had known for a little over six hours. He'd allowed her to curl against him in bed, and she had told him that she loved him. She hadn't even mistaken him for someone else, as she had clearly said 'daddy'. He'd spent a long part of the night asking himself what that meant. After a day, Penny had fallen in love with him as a father, even though he was withdrawing himself because he didn't know what to do.

What did that mean? Did being a father automatically bring him to love her in return? He hadn't been able to say it back, mainly because his throat had dried up into something resembling the Grand Canyon when he had croaked out a tiny goodnight to her, but he later realised that he hadn't really tried to say that he loved her. How did you know if you loved a child? Wasn't it something you were meant to know without needing to spend a sleepless night thinking about it like he had?

That worried him even more. If he had to think about it and you weren't supposed to, did that mean that he didn't love her, or worse, that he wasn't capable of loving her? Sure, he was doubtful that he'd make a good father, but surely he was capable of loving a child, even if he was a disaster at domesticity? What about the feeling of warmth he'd gotten when she had curled up against him? Did that mean anything, or was it simply body heat that warmed them or the fact that it was blood that bound them?

He'd have sat there all day worrying if he let himself, and he knew that Gibbs and Ziva would be the first to break his door down and drag him out of his bedroom. So, he went to haul himself out of bed, pausing when he realised that Penny was standing on the carpet beside his side of the bed.

She was still wearing the pyjamas he'd rescued from the cabinets at her grandparents house, her dark hair so wild and untamed that, through his early morning eyes, she resembled Ziva slightly. She stared at him, silent until she was sure he was properly awake, and then she tilted her head to one side.

"Go see mommy now?"

\--

It was amazing to see how both Penny and Alicia brightened the moment they were in the same room together. Three weeks is too long for a child to be separated from a parent, Tony realised, as Penny instantly forgot about him when the door to Alicia's room was opened before her. She dropped his hand and ran into the room, managing to scale Alicia's bed with an admirable determination. "Mommy!" she exclaimed with excitement.

Alicia instantly wrapped her arms around her daughter, who ignored the many tubes and wires connected to her mother's arms. "Penny, oh sweetheart, I've missed you so much." As she held onto her daughter, she looked up, her eyes connecting with Tony as he stood awkwardly in the doorway. "Thank you," she mouthed to him. He just half smiled and nodded as a reply.

Penny soon lifted her head from her mother's shoulder, showing her face with many pecked kisses. "I missed you too, mommy," she said between kisses.

"Have you been a good girl?" Alicia asked her.

She nodded. "Daddy says I can stay with him now so I don't have to stay at Grandpa's no more," she said, grinning in Tony's direction, showing Tony just how grateful she was for the previous day's rescue.

"I'm glad, angel," Alicia smiled, smoothing down Penny's wild hair. It was brushed now, but not so much tamed. She didn't seem phased by it's bushy appearance, and Tony realised that he'd only ever seen Penny when her hair was desperately in need of a wash, and that this was probably her natural hair type. "Are you okay?"

Penny nodded enthusiastically again. "Yeah. I like Daddy's friend."

Wow. That had changed the mood quickly. Alicia looked at her curiously. "Daddy's friend?"

Penny continued to nod. "Her name's Ziva. She's cool."

Alicia just raised her eyebrow at Tony, who quickly stepped in to dispel any absurd ideas that were going through her head at that moment. "Ziva's my partner at work," he told her. "She helped us out with bath time last night."

"That was nice of her," Alicia said, with a strangely encouraging glint in her eye.

"Trust me," Tony said, stepping further into the room and allowing his tired body to collapse into the chair beside the bed. "If there was one person other than you who could convince me to do this, it would be her."

"It's good that you'll have her, then," she acknowledged.

Tony nodded sadly. "Yeah, I guess so."

The door to the room opened from where Tony had closed it behind them, and a young nurse came into the room. She didn't look a day older than twenty, with shining red hair and green eyes which lit up when she saw Penny. "Penelope, it's lovely to see you again," she remarked in a heavy Irish accent.

Penny turned to the voice. "Hi, Lauwa," she smiled.

Laura. Alicia had mentioned this nurse before, Tony remembered from yesterday. This was the nurse that been there with her since her illness had really started to affect her.

"How are you?" Laura asked her.

"I'm okay," Penny told her, and then pointed at Tony. "This is my Daddy. I'm staying at his house now."

"I'm glad to see that," the nurse smiled.

Alicia looked at Laura, and spoke quietly to her. "Laura, could you possibly watch Penny for a moment whilst I speak with Tony?"

Laura nodded. "Of course." She turned to Penny, holding out her hand. "How about some candy, Penny?" she tempted.

At the mention of candy, Penny was off and down the hall with her mother's nurse without so much of a goodbye to either of her parents. In her absence there was a deep silence, one that made Tony uncomfortable. "You look well," he remarked simply.

Alicia smiled. "I feel well," she told him, but at his hopeful look she reworded it. "Not well, better. A lot better, actually."

"I'm glad."

"You, on the other hand, look exhausted."

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Were the bags under his eyes that obvious? "I didn't get much sleep last night," he admitted.

"Which means you didn't sleep at all," she assumed.

"I had a couple of hours," he corrected. "Yesterday was a long day. I had a lot to think about."

"You have to take care of yourself too, Tony," she reminded him.

"I am taking care of myself," he told her. "But it's not just me anymore, is it?"

She looked away from him for a moment. "Tony-"

"I'll do it, Alicia," he said, causing her head to snap back round to him. "I'll take care of her."

Alicia smiled, perhaps the most real smile she'd ever had other than when she had seen her daughter for the first time in three weeks. "Thank you, Tony, so much."

"She's like you," he explained. "One smile and that's it."

"Hook, line and sinker?"

"In less than a second," he confirmed.

She smiled, "That's all it takes with kids," she remembered, knowing how she'd felt when Penny had first been placed in her arms.

"Yeah," he agreed simply.

"Was she okay at my fathers?"

He skirted around his answer, not wanting her to know what had really happened. She was ill, and didn't need to know about the pain he'd taken Penny away from. It would only distress her and he didn't want it to be plaguing her mind like it clearly had been for the past three weeks. "She missed you a lot," he told her instead. "She was upset."

"But she knew who you were?"

He nodded. "Straight away. All she wanted to do was come and see you, and I told her that we'd come every day, and that she was coming to stay with me, and that was it. No questions asked."

"My father didn't give you any trouble?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

"I didn't see him. Your step-mother gave me the usual scum-on-her-shoe look, but that was to be expected."

Alicia smiled sadly. "I always got the impression that she didn't want Penny around."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore," Tony pointed out.

She nodded. "You're right. That leaves just one more thing you have to promise me."

"What's that?" he asked, almost hesitantly considering the magnitude of yesterday's favour.

"When I'm gone and things settle down, I want you to change Penny's surname to DiNozzo."

"What?" he asked, more shocked at the fact that she assumed things would ever settle down without her.

"She's yours now, Tony," she said simply. "It was selfish of me not to give her your name to begin with, but I never intended on telling you-"

"Okay, I'll do it," he agreed, before he had to hear a speech about why she had really left.

She smiled, leaning back against the pillows again as weakness began to tug at her. She was exhausted just from talking, and Tony could see that she needed sleep. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice scratchy.

Penny came back into the room, candy in hand and full of excitement. "Mommy, Lauwa brought me candy!"

Alicia smiled tiredly. "That was nice, did you say thank you?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Good girl."

"We'd better get going, Penny," Tony interrupted. "Mommy's tired and I've got to go to work."

She looked at him unfairly. "But we only just got here!"

"We'll come back tomorrow, I promise," he assured her quickly.

She sighed heavily, mimicking a teenager. "Okay," she half-complained, before leaning on her toes to kiss her mother again. "Bye, Mommy, I love you lots."

Alicia smiled, gathering all her strength to hug and kiss her daughter. "I love you too, angel. Be good for Daddy."


	7. Who The Hell Are You?

Tony was surprised to find that he wasn't the last person to arrive at work, even though visiting Alicia had added another hour onto his usual work drive. Ziva was already sitting at the desk closest to the elevator, tapping away at her computer. Thankfully, Tony realised that this meant desk work. He'd never looked forward to desk work, but that morning he was too exhausted for anything else. Just beyond her, he could spot Gibbs at his desk, coffee in hand as he stared at his computer screen. Penny skipped off ahead of him, stopping at Ziva's desk with a bright smile as she popped her face up before her new friend.

"Hi, Ziva!" she said brightly.

Ziva smiled at the little girl, turning away from the computer screen for a moment and leaning on her forearms on the desk. "Shalom, Penny."

As she had done the night before, Penny tilted her head to one side, scrunching her nose. "What does that one mean?"

"It means 'hello'."

"In Hebrew?"

Ziva was impressed at her memory for her age. "That's right, Penny, well done."

"Oh," she said, understanding now. "Shalom," she repeated.

"You said it very clearly," Ziva praised. "We'll have to teach you some more words. Did you go and see your mother this morning?"

Penny nodded. "Yeah, but we couldn't stay long because Daddy had to come to work."

Tony arrived up behind her, and was about to go to his own desk when Penny tugged on his trouser leg, pointing at Gibbs suspiciously. "Whoozzat, Daddy?" she asked him in a loud whisper.

"That's my boss," he told her. "Your Uncle Gibbs."

"Uncle Gibbs?" the man in question repeated from behind his desk.

Tony shrugged helplessly, and Penny looked at her new uncle with a scrutinising gaze. "Uncle Gibbs has got a serious face," she observed.

"He has, but he's not scary," Tony assured her.

"I know," Penny nodded, before skipping over to Gibbs's desk, leaving Tony to put his bag at his own desk and turn his computer on. Penny stopped at Gibbs's side. "Hello, Uncle Gibbs."

Gibbs turned his chair. "Hello there, Penny."

She looked at him curiously. "You don't say Hebrew like Ziva?" she asked him.

"No, I don't," he half laughed. "Has she been teaching you already?"

She nodded. "I know that 'shalom' means hello and 'lyla tov' means goodnight," she recited proudly.

"You have a very good memory, Penny," Ziva praised her, as she stood from her desk, crossing the bullpen so that she was leaning over Tony's desk. "How did it go last night?" she asked him.

"Slept through the night," he confirmed.

She smiled. "See, I told you that you would be fine."

"She slept through, not me," he contradicted her, before coming out from behind his desk and going over to McGee's currently empty one. "Here you go, Penny," he announced, catching her attention away from where she was asking to try some of Gibbs's coffee. "Your own desk!"

"DiNozzo," Gibbs warned.

"Yes, boss?"

"McGee will be here any minute, Tony," Ziva pointed out, glancing at her watch to confirm that he was already two hours late.

"But he's not here now," he said simply, making Penny comfortable in McGee's chair and spreading an array of McGee's expensive jotter pens and personalised notepaper before her so that she could draw to her heart's content. When McGee did arrive half an hour later, he was breathing heavily.

"Sorry I'm late, boss," he panted as he rushed through the bullpen. "Car trouble."

"Don't let it happen again," Gibbs warned, as he did any time someone mentioned 'car trouble'.

"No, boss, I..." he stopped short, standing before his desk. "Why is there a little girl at my desk and why does she look like Tony?" he asked.

"Long story," Tony said, not looking up from his paperwork.

McGee looked up, shocked to find that no one was paying the girl the slightest bit of attention. "I missed something big, didn't I?" he realised.

"Yes, you did," Ziva confirmed, whilst rooting through her desk drawer for her stapler.

Penny finally noticed McGee, and looked up at him, tilting her head to one side. "Hi, I'm Penny. Who the Hell are you?"

"Penny," Tony jumped in quickly. "Bad word. Don't say Hell."

"Sorry, Daddy," she grumbled.

McGee's eyes widened. "'Daddy'?"

"She's DiNozzo's daughter," Gibbs said, as he stood up from his desk and stopped in front of Penny. "I'm going down to the lab. Penny, you're in charge. Make sure these guys behave themselves."

She nodded with a proud salute. "Yes, Uncle Gibbs."

Gibbs headed to the elevator, and McGee continued to stand motionless, shocked at what he had walked into. "Uncle Gibbs? ... daughter?...how late am I?"

"Late enough to make your desk hers for the day, Probie," Tony told him.

"I didn't know you had a daughter," McGee said, as he doubled back to Tony's desk, lowering his voice.

"Neither did I until yesterday."

"What is she doing here?" he asked again.

"Mom's sick." Penny said from McGee's desk, not looking up from her drawing. "I'm gonna live with Daddy now."

"Oh," he said, understanding the situation more.

"Penny, this is another uncle," Tony called over to her.

McGee looked almost touched for a moment. "I'm an uncle?"

"Yes."

"What's his name?" Penny asked.

"His name's Probie," Tony smirked.

"Tony-"

"Hello, Uncle Probie," Penny waved at him, from his desk, his chair, and holding one of his pens.

"Great," he grumbled, as Ziva laughed from behind him.

\--

Something was different in the lab. It was...it was still. It was...quiet. Abby was missing something...her pigtails. She was...sleeping? Gibbs walked over to the desk, where she had rested her head on her arms, her dark hair spilling over the white of her lab coat where she hadn't tied it up in her usual manner. "Abs," he said, and shook her shoulder when he got no response. "Abby?"

"Gibbs!" she exclaimed, her head shooting up from her arms.

"No pigtails," he observed simply.

"I felt like doing something different today," she shrugged.

"You don't do different."

"Maybe it's time for a change," she countered.

"You don't change. Where's the music?"

"There is no music today."

He frowned. "There's always music. Are you sick or something?"

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"You look paler than usual, too."

She surrendered, standing up and staring to pace the room with an alarming change of mood. "Fine, so I don't feel great today. Is that a crime? Never mind," she changed again, walking back over to him. "What can I do for you, bossman?"

"You're sick, aren't you?" he confirmed.

"Not if you need me to do something."

"Abs-"

"Uh oh," she interrupted him, stepping to the side and leaning over the trashcan, emptying her stomach into it. Gibbs was beside her in an instant, holding back her hair as she hadn't put it into pigtails. She gagged for several minutes, and then stood up slowly.

"All done?" he asked, his voice softer now.

She nodded. "Yeah."

He put his hand on her forehead, ignoring the roll of her eyes. "Fever. You're sick."

"I'm not sick," she insisted again.

He looked at her, the dark circles under her eyes and pale skin standing out so much more than lack of sleep would have caused. "If you're not sick, then who's the father?" he asked her.

Her eyes widened. "I'm not pregnant," she said, so rushed it was unbelievable.

"Fever, vomiting, exhaustion...you're either sick or you're pregnant," he narrowed down.

"I'm not sick."

"Then you're pregnant," he told her. "So who is the father?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you know about being pregnant?" she accused him.

"I know all about it," he pointed out, not needing to tell her about Shannon's pregnancy. Abby knew about Kelly.

"Good for you," she announced. "But I'm not pregnant."

She sat back down in her chair, annoyed at the exhaustion she felt. She rested her head on her arms again on the desk. Gibbs followed her to the desk and sat down on an empty patch of it. "Morning sickness sucks, doesn't it?" he half-teased her.

"It's not morning sickness," she mumbled into her arms. "I just ate something bad or something."

To her surprise, Gibbs actually laughed. "Abs, most women use stomach flu as their excuse, which is much more believable, so the 'I ate something bad' isn't going to fool me."

She raised her head, glaring at him. "You are a horrible person."

"Who's the father, Abby?" he asked her, seriously this time. She didn't answer him. "You do know who it is, don't you?" Again she hesitated. "Do you know? Abby, don't tell me you had a one night stand--"

"It would have to be McGee's," she whispered hesitantly, not wanting to reveal the secret relationship they'd been hiding under Gibbs' nose but now having no choice. "There's no way it could be anyone else's." She was silent for a moment, and then she looked up at Gibbs. "I can't be pregnant, can I?"

"Do I have to give you a rule 12 lecture?" he asked her.

She grimaced. "I think it's a bit late for that," she told him.

"Then yes, there's a possibility that you could be pregnant."

"Uh oh," she mumbled again.

"You bet," he confirmed, but then he teased her again. "Does this make me Uncle Gibbs or Grandpa Gibbs?" he asked her.

She looked up at him again, shocked. "Gibbs! You can't tell a soul about this, living or dead. I mean it!"

"Do a test or go to a doctor," he told her.

She leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest stubbornly. "Maybe I don't want to."

Gibbs shrugged, standing from the desk and going to leave. "Then maybe McGee needs a rule 12 lecture," he said simply.

Abby let out an unfair sound, even more so like a teenager than her stubbornness had been. "That's blackmail!"

Gibbs turned back at the door, thinking this over. He nodded. "Hmm...yes, it is."

\--

The blackmail had worked, and having done a blood test herself, which revealed to be positive, she actually doubted her own work for once, wondering if someone had contaminated her blood with hormones overnight. Someone had, of course, and that someone was McGee. So, she decided that going to the doctor on her three-hour-early lunch break would be the best thing to do. However, she was just about to leave the lab when the doors opened, and Ziva all but ran into her.

"Abby-"

"I'm fine!" she insisted quickly, before another person could tell her that she looked paler than usual.

Ziva, however, looked at her strangely. "...okay."

"What can I do for you?" Abby asked brightly. "Please tell me you have something for me to do. I'm dying of boredom down here."

"Actually, I came down here to share some news," Ziva said.

Abby's eyes widened and she clapped her hands together. "You're getting married!"

Again, Ziva looked confused. "Who would I be getting married to?" she asked.

"I don't know, maybe Tony opened his eyes and-"

"Tony's eyes are firmly open and he's having enough troubles with the female species at the moment as it is," she cut Abby off.

"Ooohh, is this about the news?" she asked. Ziva nodded. "Then come join me on a break," Abby said, dragging Ziva through the lab by the arm over to where the workbenches were. "So, spill!"

"Well, it is not so much my news as Tony's. He asked me to come and tell you," she told Abby. "I am sure you noticed that Tony and I disappeared early yesterday afternoon."

"Does this involve a shotgun wedding?" Abby asked, her eyes gleaming.

"Abby, no onehas got married!" Ziva cried.

"Oh, right, continue."

"I went to help Tony with bath time and-"

Abby stopped her there. "Is this a story that has explicit details, because I'm going to need to get another drink first if it is?"

"No, I went to help him with Penny's bath time," she corrected her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about the explicit details?"

"Penny is Tony's daughter, Abby," Ziva finally explained.

Her eyes widened. "Tony has a daughter? Since when?"

"Since yesterday. She's three years old. Her mother has leukaemia and has asked Tony to care for Penny when she has passed."

Abby's excitement faded, and she looked down at the floor sadly. "Oh my God...Poor Tony...and that poor little girl."

Ziva was about to speak again when she noticed what was on the work bench before them. "Abby, is that...a decaffeinated caff-pow?" she asked warily.

"Um...yes. Yes, it is," Abby nodded. "I thought it might be time to kick the caffeine addiction again."

She eyed her warily. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just decaf," she said innocently.

"Abby?"

She snapped irritatedly. "Do you need me to spell it out for you, Ziva? D-e-c-a-"

"I believe that you are spelling out the wrong word, Abby," Ziva smirked.

"And what should I be spelling?" Abby asked, feeling her heart pounding.

"P-r-e-g-"

"Shhh!" she exclaimed, placing her hand over Ziva's mouth and looking around suspiciously. "I haven't told McGee yet!"

Abby removed her hand, and Ziva gasped. "So, you are...?"

"Maybe. I did a blood test myself and that was an all systems go, so I'm going to the doctor," she revealed.

"Does Gibbs know?" Ziva asked.

"Gibbs knew before I knew," Abby groaned. "Sneaky silver fox."

"What are you going to do?"

Abby sighed. What was she going to do? "For a start, I'll be sneaking out for my doctors appointment before McGee comes down here looking for me."

Ziva smiled. "If this is the case then now may be your best opportunity. He is currently attempting to reclaim his desk from Penny."

Abby frowned. "Penny has his desk?"

She nodded. "Tony sat her there before he arrived this morning and she refuses to leave it."

"And Gibbs is allowing this?"

"Allowing it? He's encouraging it."

The two of them laughed together. "I must meet this child," Abby announced.

"No," Ziva corrected. "You must go to the doctor."

"I must go to the doctor," she repeated obediently.

"Now."

"Right now," Abby said, grabbing her purse from her desk drawer.

"I will keep McGee distracted in the meantime for you," Ziva offered, as they headed to the elevator together.

Abby nodded, distracted as she went one way and Ziva another. Why did she get the feeling that this was going to change things, no matter what the outcome?


	8. Where We Goin', Boss?

It had only taken Penny an hour to disappear. One minute she had been sitting at McGee's desk, drawing away on all his expensive and highly cherished stationary, and the next time Tony looked up the three year old had vanished from the chair; expensive stationary still intact. Naturally, considering all the unfortunate places a child could end up in this particular building, he had bolted from his seat and rushed around trying to find her, a thousand possibilities rushing through his mind, all of which might have Alicia murdering him the next time they went to visit her. What if she ended up in Abby's lab and she had some particularly gruesome evidence? What if she overheard some rather choice language? What if she ended up in autopsy?

Luckily, he found her on the other side of the bullpen, badgering one of the other agents and asking him if he liked her drawing of Uncle Gibbs Drinking Coffee. He jogged over, sighing heavily. "Penny! Sorry, Marson," he shook his head. "You take your eyes off them for a second..."

Special Agent Marson, who had a ten year old daughter of his own, nodded almost sympathetically. "I know, man, don't sweat it."

Tony turned, looking down at Penny who gave him the puppy dog eyes almost instantly when she realised she was going to get a 'talking to'. "Penny, what did I tell you about when we're here at my work?" he asked her.

She cocked her head to one side, sending half of her hair sweeping over the top of her arm. "No running?"

"The other thing I told you," he prompted.

"Not to talk to strangers?"

"That's right," he nodded, folding his arms over his chest. "And that man, who was he?"

She looked up at Marson. "Secret Agent Man," she whispered guiltily.

"Who was he, Penny?" Tony asked her again.

She bowed her head. "Stranger."

"Yes, he was a stranger," Tony confirmed, pointing back to their area of the bullpen. "Come on, back to your desk, young lady."

"Daddy-"

"March," he instructed, and she walked past him with a heavy groan that would impress a teenager.

Despite being scolded, however, Penny skipped over to Gibbs' desk when she saw him take a seat and started bouncing on her heels beside him, peering over the top of his desk. Tony, on the other hand, collapsed helplessly into his chair and ran his hands over his face. "Hi, Uncle Gibbs," Penny chirped.

"And where did we run off to?" he asked her, raising a curious eyebrow.

"I was talking to a stranger."

He frowned. "That's not good, Penny, you shouldn't talk to strangers."

"He's not a stranger any more," she pointed out to him. "He's a Secret Agent Man and Daddy called him Marson."

"He was a stranger to begin with though, wasn't he?" Gibbs told her.

She nodded, groaning again as she had done with Tony. "I know, but Daddy's working and I'm bored."

Gibbs gave her a smirk, and pulled his chair out a little. "Come and sit here with me and we'll find something for you to do while Daddy actually does his work and goes to see your Auntie Abby down in the garage."

Tony raised his head. "Boss-"

"Go, DiNozzo, she's okay up here."

"Yes, boss," he said, getting to his feet and heading to the elevator. On a second thought, he went and leant over Gibbs' desk, locking eyes with Penny as he ruffled her hair. "Be good," he told her. "Please."

\--

"Do you know how to fight?" Penny asked Gibbs, sometime after Tony had gone down to the garage.

Gibbs looked up from the email he had been frowning at. "Yes."

"Did you ever punch someone in the head?" she pried further, spinning on McGee's chair, which she had brought over to sit on.

"Yes."

"Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off?" she asked him.

He frowned at her. He was happy to answer her questions, but there was some questions that a three year old shouldn't be able to form coherently. Asking if he had punched someone's head clean off their neck was one of them. Just what movie had Tony let her watch? "No," he told her, giving her a strange look.

"Oh," she said, almost dejectedly. "Can you kill a guy with your bare hands?"

He sighed, drinking the remainder of his coffee before answering. "Yes."

Penny's eyes widened, looking at him with awe. "You're so hardcore, Uncle Gibbs," she told him in a loud whisper.

Gibbs was saved from any further interrogation by the little girl when Tony came back from the garage. Both of them looked up as he came back, a look of varying expectation on both of their faces; Gibbs wanting answers, but Penny wanting praise for behaving. "We found two sets of prints hidden on the top side of the trunk, Abby's running them through AFIS now and said she'd call when she gets a hit," he said, sitting himself down at his desk and tapping away at his keyboard and then writing something down from the screen onto a nearby piece of paper.

Gibbs looked at Penny, and then back to Tony. "DiNozzo, did you sit her in front of a James Bond film by any chance?" he asked.

Tony looked at him as if he were crazy. "Abby?"

"Penny."

He nodded. "From Russia With Love." Gibbs stared at him and as usual, he caved under the glare. "I don't have many kids films, boss. Any, actually."

"I suggest you get some," Gibbs told him, before realising that the look of distraction covering Tony's face now probably meant that he wasn't really listening to a word he was saying. He turned to Penny and spoke quietly to her. "Penny, can you finish up this important work for me while I talk to your dad?"

"What have I gotta do?" she asked him.

He turned out a draft print of a service record and turned it over. "It needs a picture of a bunny on it."

She looked at him, screwing up her nose in concentration. "A bunny with little pointy ears or big floppy ears?"

"Whichever one you think is prettiest," he told her, before standing up and going over to Tony's desk. He leaned his hands on it and spoke quietly so that Penny didn't hear what he was saying. "How's her mother?" he asked.

Tony shook his head slowly. "She looked better, but...but she's not getting better. She won't. It's nearly the end."

"Does Penny know that?"

"No, I don't think so," he said, realising that they hadn't actually talked about it. "I just don't know what to do," he admitted, leaning forwards and resting his fists against his forehead.

"What is your gut telling you to do?" Gibbs asked him.

Tony was silent for a moment, as if he were actually trying to ask his gut, but then he shook his head again. "I'm not sure it's telling me anything."

"Your gut will always be telling you something," he told him.

He looked up. "What's yours telling you, boss?"

Gibbs looked over at Penny, who was happily drawing her bunny without a care in the world. Occasionally she would stop, put the pen down, and put her loose hair behind her ears and over her shoulders so that it stopped getting in her way. "You have a daughter now, DiNozzo, and you have to realise that she's not going anywhere," he said, looking back to Tony who was also watching Penny. "When her mother's gone, she's going to be scared and she's going to miss her, so you need to fight to help her get through this."

He nodded, almost obediently. "Fight for her, right."

"She might fight against you and everything you try and do for her, or she might not, but you've got to be gentle and patient. You need to take things slowly - at her pace."

"At her pace," he nodded again. "Got it."

"DiNozzo?"

"Yes, boss?"

"Is there a reason why you're writing your case notes onto a drawing of a cat?"

Tony looked down at what he had been writing on, finding that his previously blank notepad had been covered with a half-torn piece of paper. Sure enough, there was a picture of a cat, and even though it wasn't named it was clear that Penny had drawn it. He looked at it sadly, remembering a time from his childhood; a time when he'd draw pictures of 'daddy and me', slip them onto his father's desk in the study, and wait and see if he ever appreciated them. Pictures that he poured all of his little artistic skill into. Pictures that he would screw up if they weren't perfect enough to show his father. Pictures that were never looked at. Pictures that were covered by more important pieces of paper on his desk. Pictures that were ignored and left to be brushed into the trash.

"What if I turn out like my father?" he asked softly, not taking his eyes off of the wobbly lined picture.

Gibbs looked at him. "That's what you're worried about?"

"Yeah, I kinda thought it was a big deal."

Gibbs pointed at Pennny. "Look at her, DiNozzo. You got her out of a place where she was being mistreated. You're nothing like your father."

"But what if I fail her, boss?"

"Penny loves you, Tony," he said, a little less stern than he had been before. "She thinks the world of you and she's only known you for a day. You're not going to fail her unless you don't fight for her."

He shook his head. "It isn't that simple."

"Maybe not," he acknowledged, "but it doesn't change anything. She loves you."

He looked up, frowning slightly. "She tell you that?"

"She tell you?" he challenged back. Tony was silent for a moment, remembering how he had put her into bed last night and she had mumbled those words. Love you daddy. "That's what I thought," Gibbs said, as his cellphone rang in his pocket. He listened for a moment and then hung up. "That was Abby."

"We got a hit from AFIS?"

"Our missing marine isn't as missing as we thought. Gear up."

Tony grabbed his back and threw on his jacket. "Where we going, boss?"

"Norfolk," Gibbs said.

"What about Penny?"

Gibbs stopped in his tracks, looking back at the girl who was sitting innocently at his desk. She watched them with their bags and then slid off the chair, going over to Tony's desk. She picked up her own bag, holding it in one hand, copying Tony's stance. Spotting Tony's baseball cap on the corner of his desk she put it on her head, despite the fact it was miles too big for her, and then looked up at Gibbs.

"Where we goin', boss?" she asked, in a true mimic of her father.

Tony watched her, a tiny smile crossing his face as if his heart was swelling with pride. In his lack of reaction, Gibbs knelt down to Penny's level, turning the hat on her head so that it wasn't so crooked. "You, Penny, are going to do some very important forensics work," he told her.

She cocked her head to one side. "What's 'rensics?"

\--

Leaving for Norfolk would usually take less than three minutes, accounting for any of Gibbs' pep talks or scolding in the elevator. However, at the moment they had still been in the building for a further ten minutes and this time wasn't looking to end as Tony tried to leave the lab. Of course, this wasn't easy considering Penny had sat on the floor and wound all her limbs around Tony's lower leg. Ziva stood waiting in the doorway, and Abby was leaning against one of her lab worktops, both women not wanting to get involved but also curious as to how Tony, who had much experience with leaving behind clingy women, was going to get Penny to let go of him.

"Let go, Penny, I have to go," he told her.

"Don't go away, Daddy!" she cried out.

"I'm not going away, I'm just going out for a bit," he corrected.

She looked up at him, frowning and scrutinising his face. "Just a bit?"

"I won't be long," he assured her.

"So you're coming back?"

"Yes, I'm coming back," he nodded.

"Do you promise?"

This question stopped him. He even stopped struggling to release her arms from around his knee. He couldn't promise that, not really. There were dangers with their job; so many dangers. Kate struck his memory. She had said one morning that with their job they could die any time they walk out the door, and on that same mission she had been shot by a sniper.

In his silence, Ziva approached them. She crouched down to the ground and touched Penny's shoulder to alert her attention. "Penny, your father is coming right back, but right now he needs to go and do his work," she explained.

"But I don't want him to go," she whined.

"He has to, Penny."

"But, Ziva-"

"I have an idea," Ziva said, giving her a smile. "If you promise to be a good girl and play with Abby, then I promise I will look after your father for you. Does that sound like a good idea?" she compromised.

Penny turned her scrutinising gaze to Ziva now. "You promise to bring him home?"

She nodded. "I promise."

She thought about this for a moment, and then nodded, releasing Tony's leg from her grasp. "'Kay" she surrendered. Tony ruffled her hair, which Penny immediately smoothed out again. "Be good, okay?" he told her. "If I remember I'll get us some ice cream for dinner tonight." This brought a smile to her lips, and he had to follow suit. "That's better, a smile."

"Bye, Daddy," she said, hugging his legs again but this time letting go with no intention to imprison him in her arms. "I love you."

"Bye, Pen," he replied, not adding on the declaration at the end, but Penny seemed not to notice this nor be bothered by it. Ziva, on the other hand raised a curious eyebrow, locking eyes with Abby but neither woman wanted to be the one who raised the conversation while Penny was still in the room.

As Tony and Ziva left the lab, Penny turned on the spot and looked at her newest aunt for a long time, taking in the pigtails, the tattoos, and the dark make up. "You're my Auntie Abby?" she asked.

Abby grinned. "Sure are."

"I don't have any other aunties," Penny said, pleased with this. "I got an Uncle Gibbs and an Uncle Probie now, but not any aunties."

"What about Auntie Ziva?" Abby asked, as she lifted Penny onto the stool beside her and passed her a smaller decaffeinated caff-pow.

"She's not an auntie," Penny revealed.

"She's not?"

"No, she's just my Ziva."

Abby smirked. "Your Ziva?"

She nodded. "Yeah, she's Daddy's partner."

"Well," Abby said, as they both took a long sip of their drinks, slurping on the straws. "I'm like your daddy's sister."

Penny looked at her strangely. "Daddy hasn't got a sister."

"I know," she replied. "That's why he's got me."

"Oh!" Penny said, as she understood. "I like your hair," she sidetracked.

Abby twirled her hair. "Thanks, Penny. You know, your hair would look great in pigtails," she said, making the shape of a photo frame with her thumbs and forefingers to place before Penny's face.

Penny scrunched up her nose. "I never had pigtails before."

At this, Abby was completely shocked. "Never?" Penny shook her head. "Well, I think we have our first mission, Pen-Pen."

\--

When Tony arrived back much later that afternoon, it was starting to get dark already. He went down to the lab rather than to his desk and found Penny fast asleep in Abby's chair. Abby saw him enter and grinned at him. "Hey, you're back! Got anything for me?"

He shook his head. "Someone got to him before we did. Took two in the chest before we got there." He looked over at Penny, taking in her peaceful face. "She okay?"

"She's fine. She missed you, though," Abby told him, as she stood behind in the second doorway, watching her sleep.

"She has pigtails," he noticed.

"I know, poor kid never had pigatils before. Had to fix that."

"You gave her pigtails," Tony repeated as if she didn't quite understand the importance of this.

"Yeah, she loves them," she grinned. "Doesn't she look the cutest?"

He turned to her. "Abby, you've made her fall in love with a hairstyle that I can't do," he said to her.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I didn't know you could do any hairstyles," she probed.

"That's not the point, Abs."

"Relax, Tony. This is what Auntie Abby is for," she reminded him.

He sighed, relaxing. "Thanks for this, Abby."

"No problem," she waved off. "I was nice to have company other than McGee down here for a change."

"How long has she been asleep for?"

"About an hour now," Abby said, checking her watch. "She tried to stay awake until you came back, but eventually caved in."

"Okay," he nodded. "Well, Gibbs is letting us off early as we don't have to deal with the paperwork, so I'm taking her home."

"You two gonna be okay?" Abby asked him, as he went over to the chair and lifted her into his arms, managing not to wake her.

"Yeah, Ziva's coming with us," he said offhandedly.

"Oh?"

He gave her a look, stopping whatever was running through her mind. "It's nothing, Abs. She really helped us out last night, so I'm cooking her dinner to say thanks."

"You're cooking?" Abby asked, feigning terror.

"It's a special occasion," he said. She didn't believe him, and folded her arms over her chest to prove that. "Okay, not that special...we're getting take out, but I'm paying."

"Wow, good to see chivalry isn't dead," she said sarcastically as she turned back to her computers.

"See you tomorrow, Abs," he called back as they left the lab.


	9. I Have To Ruin That

When he opened the door into Alicia's room the next morning, Penny ran in and scrambled up onto the bed. Immediately, Penny forgot that Tony was in the room and began showering her mother with hugs and kisses, paying no attention to the tubes and machines around her. No, it was Tony that couldn't stop staring at them, just as he had yesterday, and it was because of this that he noticed that there were ones intruding through her skin today that hadn't been there yesterday. The thought didn't fill him with hope, rather, it made his skin crawl, but it didn't bother Penny, who was just happy to see her mother again.

It was a good few minutes before Penny finished her rambling that recounted the past twenty-four hours since she had seen her mother, and Tony sat down in the chair beside the bed, staying silent through the mother-daughter exchange. He'd spent most of the night jumping through a range of emotions after Ziva had left, and he'd finally ended up at a place called 'acceptance', which felt a lot like 'resignation'. He was starting to feel exactly like the petty office from yesterday's case - chased down until he was trapped and then held hostage in a situation that was miles too big for him to cope with. But his options were limited. He could either take Penny back to Riverdale, back to the grandparents who neglected her, or he could leave her to grow up in care with a family that wasn't her own. Of course, he didn't doubt that there was many families in the state that would be able to give Penny a childhood more cherished than he would, but he couldn't do that now. So, no matter what conflicting emotions were inside of him at that moment, he had to do this. This was his daughter, after all. He might not have been there to help name her, or to kiss the top of her head when she was still newborn, or to watch her take her first steps and say her first words, but she was still his child. He had to do this. How could he not?

"How are you feeling today?" he asked Alicia when Penny was curled up asleep beside her mother. Unfortunately they'd had an encounter with sugar the night before, so she had slept in late, and it didn't help that they had turned up at the hospice earlier that morning to see Alicia because Gibbs needed him in sooner than usual.

When she answered, Alicia's voice was weaker than usual and her eyes were darker as well. "Tired. Very tired," she admitted, before going back to watching her daughter. "Has she been behaving?"

"Good as gold," he confirmed.

"She's a good girl. She likes to make people happy...can't stand to see people sad." Alicia sighed, stroking her daughter's dark hair, shining soft as it had been washed again the night before. "I don't have a lot of money to leave behind but I've left it all in a trust fund for when she's older," she revealed. "You know, for college, a wedding...that sort of emergency fund. I don't want her to blow it all in spring break."

"Like we did?" he asked, with a smirk.

"Yeah. This money is for her big days."

He nodded. "Okay."

"The account details are in with my will. Everything you'll need to know and have is there too. Birth certificate...doctors record...everything with her name on it."

"Right," he nodded again.

She reached over the blanket and took his hand. "I really can't thank you enough, Tony."

"It's okay," he shrugged, trying not to show her how big a deal he was really making about this. "She's my kid too. I can't let someone else raise her."

"Not just for that," she shook her head. "I mean...taking her in is the best thing that I can ask for. But...having the chance to say goodbye to her...that's so much more. I might not have had the chance to if she'd stayed with my father."

"Alicia..." he started, but she cut him off.

"Make sure she knows how much I love her. She's so young, and I don't want to be sad about me forever, but..." she trailed off, starting to choke up on tears that her treatment prevented her from shedding.

Instead, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I won't let her forget you, Alicia. You're her mother. You'll always be her mother."

"Take care of her, Tony, please..."

"I will," he told her firmly.

She looked back at Penny sadly, stroking her cheek. "Every time I look at her I can't stop thinking that it might be the last time I see my baby," she admitted.

"Don't think like that," he told her.

"It's reality, Tony," she pointed out.

"We're coming by for lunch later, remember?" he told her, as if begging her to hold on for that.

"I know," she nodded gently.

They sat through small talk for another half an hour before Penny stirred. "Hi, Angel," Alicia smiled, stroking the side of her face with a single finger.

"Hi, mommy," she grumbled. "Is the sun out now?"

She smiled. "Yeah, honey, it's up now," she said.

"Have me and Daddy gotta go to work?" she asked.

"I'm afraid so, Penny," Tony answered. "Boss wants us in early and mommy's tired."

Penny curled tighter against Alicia for a moment and then forced herself into a sitting position, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She kissed her mother's cheek. "I love you, mommy."

"I love you, Penny. I love you forever and ever."

"Forever and ever," Penny repeated.

Tony turned his head as he got to his feet, looking at the window for a moment so that he didn't have to witness another emotional goodbye. He couldn't help but think about what Alicia had told him earlier...one day, one of these goodbyes would be their last...

"Do you remember the words to your songs?" Alicia asked her daughter.

Penny looked at her strangely. "But you sing the songs mommy," she told her.

"Do you remember them?" Penny nodded. "When you're sad, just sing those songs, okay? I want you to teach Daddy the words too."

Penny nodded again. "Okay. Bye, Mommy," she said, kissing her again.

Alicia gave her the strongest hug she could manage. "Goodbye, my darling."

Tony squeezed her hand one more time. "Bye, 'Lisha."

"I'm sorry, Tony," she whispered.

"Stop apologizing for the past," he told her for the millionth time in the past two days. "I'm going to take care of her. We'll see you later for lunch, okay?"

"Tony..."

"Okay?" he checked, more forceful this time.

She nodded, realising that Penny wasn't the only one who would need reassurance. "Okay."

\--

It was a strange feeling of peace when Tony found himself alone in the bullpen later that morning. He passed the time by typing up his notes, guiltily pinning up the picture of the cat by Penny he had drawn on the day before as he did so. At the moment things were quiet so McGee and Ziva had taken Penny with them to the coffee shop on the corner. It only gave him around fifteen minutes of quiet, but it was a fifteen minutes he was thankful for, if only to clear his head. The elevator beeped, and he expected to hear the incessant chatter of Penny talking away to her new found family, but instead he didn't.

The occupant of the elevator entered the bullpen and stopped before Tony's desk, and Tony looked up at her. Instantly, he recognised the young woman and stood up. Alicia's nurse. "Laura."

"Special Agent DiNozzo," she said. "I'm sorry to disturb you at work, but Alicia asked me to come here."

"Is she okay?" he asked.

"Where's Penelope?" Laura asked, looking around them.

"She went to help my partner with the coffee run. Is this something important?" he asked her. "When Penny gets back we were going to come and have lunch with Alicia..."

"I need to speak to you urgently, sir," she cut him off. "Is there somewhere more private we can go?" she asked.

At this, he frowned, his heart pounding. "Of course, this way," he said, leading her towards one of the conference rooms. Luckily, the one closest to them at the bullpen wasn't being used, and he lead her into it. They sat down opposite one another. "What's happened?" he asked. "Is this something about Penny living with me?"

"No, it isn't about that," Laura said quietly.

"Then it's about Alicia," he realised.

"Yes," she nodded.

And then, he knew. He couldn't describe it, but he knew why Laura was there, away from work, away from Alicia in the middle of the day. He knew. He also knew that he wasn't ready. "Is she okay?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"I'm so sorry, sir," she began, and the bundle of butterflies that had been fluttering around in his stomach plummeted, "but I'm afraid Alicia passed away shortly after you left this morning."

"What?"

"I'm so sorry," she repeated.

"But...but she looked all right.." he argued immediately.

"She was very, very ill, sir."

"But she looked okay...she said that she felt okay...just tired..."

"She did look better, yes, but she had been deteriorating for a long time," Laura reminded him. "We were all surprised that she held on as long as she did."

Tony was silent for a moment as it started to sink in. Alicia was gone. The deadly illness had reached its point of no return long ago but now it had consumed her; rid her of her energy, her health, her life...her daughter. That morning really had been the last time she'd see Penny. It was why she spent longer saying goodbye that morning, talking about songs words and forever and ever. But yesterday...they'd laughed yesterday, they'd remembered old times. It didn't make sense that she was gone.

"She...she wasn't alone, was she?" he asked, as all the moisture left his mouth and he struggled to speak.

"No, I was with her," Laura told him. "She said to tell Penelope that she loved her, and to tell you goodbye, and that she thanked you."

He leaned forwards on the table top, putting his head in his heads. "I should have been with her..."

"She didn't want that. She'd asked enough of you already, she said, and she was happy."

"Happy?" he half-laughed. "She was dying-"

"She'd been holding on because she didn't know what was going to happen to her daughter, sir." She interrupted him lightly. "But when you came she was happy because she knew that Penelope would be taken care of and that she could let go. That's why she was looking better - she wasn't worried any more. She knew that she was near the end and right after you left she told us that she knew it would be the last time she saw you."

"Why didn't she tell us?" he asked, still speaking into his hands. "I would have stayed. We could have been with her...did she suffer?"

"No, she went to sleep and didn't wake up," she told him. "I was holding her hand, she knew she wasn't alone."

He hadn't known. He hadn't even said a proper goodbye because he'd been adamant that he'd see her at lunchtime. Now, even. He and Penny should be on their way to see her now. Even then, at the end of everything, he'd assumed there would always be one more chance. Always one more day, one more visit...one more goodbye. "I should have stayed..." he whispered, fighting back tears. He mustered all his strength, and looked up at Laura. "Thank you, Laura. Thank you for being there for Alicia and for coming to tell me yourself. Thank you for...for respecting her final wishes."

She nodded. "I only apologize that the news wasn't good," she whispered, seeming on the verge of tears herself.

They both stood up, Tony wiping away furiously at his face to remove and trace of tears that may have escaped when he wasn't paying attention. He saw Laura out, but waited in the doorway for a moment. He stood there in shock, long enough for the others to return from their coffee run. Penny skipped forward ahead of them only slightly, swinging Ziva's hand in a way that made the Mossad officer seem strangely more feminine than she'd usually let others see her and carefully holding a small Styrofoam cup containing her new favourite hot chocolate. She looked up and saw him, waving brightly to him as her pigtails swung with the movement. That look on her face was unmistakable, even after three days he knew it. She was excited about seeing her mother...her mother who...who had just died.

He returned her wave slightly, but couldn't bring himself to even begin matching her eager smile. He just stood and watched as she helped McGee load each coffee onto the respective desk. Ziva, on the other hand, paid more attention to his lack of smile, and approached him. When she made it to the doorway, she noticed that he was still watching Penny, and was taking shaky breaths.

"Tony?" she asked.

He took a deep breath, trying to control himself, but failed. "It's happened," he choked out.

She frowned. "What has happened?"

"She's gone, Ziva," he told her, biting his lip as tears welled again. Saying it himself made it much more real, but he fought the tears back, refusing to let them fall when someone had suffered a stronger loss than he had with Alicia's passing. He rubbed at his forehead, leaning fully against the doorway.

Ziva placed her hand on his arm. "I am so sorry, Tony."

"I have to tell her," he realised, as both of them looked over to Penny, who was laughing away at something McGee was showing her in a video on a computer. "She's happy...and I have to ruin that."

Ziva was silent for a moment, and then she stepped back. "Stay here, I will be back."

He was too confused to disobey, and he remained in the doorway, watching as Penny continued to laugh as she fixated on the screen. Part of him wanted to know what was so funny, especially seeing as McGee never had anything on his computer that was humorous to anyone other than himself and Abby, but he didn't want to make his presence known. If he did, he'd have to tell her...he'd have to tell her about Alicia and that would be...he didn't know how he was going to do it. He wanted to release everything, to scream to high heaven and wait for the feeling to end, but he couldn't. He hadn't realised until now how unbalanced he felt, how he'd spent so much time since Alicia's 'betrayal' on the verge of hysterics, always wanting to let it out, but now he knew that if he started he'd be unable to stop.

But when he was about to lose control again, Ziva was back, her comforting hand on his arm again, the same comforting hand he'd held two nights ago when he needed reassurance. "I have spoken to the Director," she told him. "She said that her office is available to you if you would like some privacy with Penny."

He looked at her, dragging his helpless gaze away from the little girl in question. "Thank you," he stuttered.

The hand that was on his arm rubbed up and down for a moment, before stopping again. "I am here if you need me," she told him in a whisper, and he could tell that the words held more meaning today than they did two nights ago when she had left him after Penny's bedtime. She might not have been overly confident when helping him with a child, but she understood loss and how it could break ones heart no matter what the circumstances.

The moment ended, and Tony took a deep breath. He approached McGee's desk, and Penny jumped round to him, tugging at his pocket and pointing to his desk. "I got your drink, Daddy!" she said. "It's coffee, but Ziva said you don't like coffee but it had to have coffee so it's just a hot chocolate with a little tiny bit of coffee in it. Ziva let me try a bit, it's really nice," she rambled.

"Thank you, Penny," he murmured.

She instantly picked up on his usual mood that had suddenly disappeared. "Daddy-"

He held out his hand to her, waiting for him to take it. "Come on, Penny. I need to talk to you about something."

She just stared at his hand. "Where we goin'?" she asked.

"We're going to Auntie Jenny's office upstairs," he told her, lifting her onto his hip when she didn't take his hand.

She looked confused, especially when they walked past his desk. Pointing back down to the desk, she leaned over his shoulder. "Daddy, you left your chocolate coffee!"


	10. Bring Her Back, Daddy

The walk up to the Director's office had never seemed so long. He walked up, Penny held against his hip as she pointed down at his desk, protesting the whole climb that he had left the special coffee she had found for him, telling him how she even got to pay with McGee's coins for it, but he didn't reply. He was too busy trying to work out what he was going to say once they got to the directors office. He could feel eyes burning into him, McGee's no doubt confused and Ziva's coated with understanding. He stepped through the open door, into Cynthia's department, and she buzzed instantly through to the main office. Jenny Shepherd appeared in the doorway, approaching him and playing a hand on the shoulder that Penny wasn't occupying.

"Tony," she began, but he just nodded and mumbled a reply.

"Thanks for this."

She gave him a gentle smile. "Take all the time you need, I've had my calls diverted," she informed him.

Tony nodded, and they went into the office. He didn't think to close the door behind him but no one was going to disturb him. Everyone was going to see to that. They went over to the couch and he sat her down. She crossed her legs, leaning forward so that she was looking up at her father expectantly. He sighed. How was he going to do this? He'd had kids involved in their cases before, and he'd had to explain tough things to them regarding family members, but never this; never his daughter, never Alicia...he tried to speak, but no words came out. Nothing happened.

Penny tilted her head to one side as she always did. "Why are your eyes red?" she asked, breaking the silence of the room.

"They're a bit sore," he told her, managing to stumble over his reply.

"Why are they sore?" she asked him. "My eyes get sore when I do crying. Have you been crying?"

He nodded. "A little bit."

"Why?"

"I'm sad," he said simply.

"Why?" she repeated.

"I'm sad because of your mom," he choked out, struggling to hold it together.

"Is it time to go and see her now?" she asked him hopefully, the bright smile from moments ago crossing her face and he hated himself for knowing he was about to knock it clean off.

"Not today, Penny," he said, shaking his head.

She frowned at him. "I want to see Mommy," she told him. "you promised we'd go for lunch today."

He took a deep breath, leaning forwards and clasping their hands together. He found it strange to feel how tiny those hands were within his own; he'd never really thought of his hands as large until he'd seen how small and soft Penny's were in comparison. "Penny, when your mom said that you were coming to live with me, where did she say she would be?" he asked her cautiously.

"In heaven with the angels," she told him, as if heaven was simply at the other end of the Navy yard.

"Did she say why?"

"Because she was really poorly and the angels would look after her." She frowned harder. "Why can't we go see her?"

"Penny, I...I'm sorry," he stumbled, touching her face with his fingertips. Oh, god...he realised...I'm going to break her heart. Would she hate him? Shut him away? Decide that she didn't want to live with daddy anymore? "Mommy's gone to be with the angels now."

She just shook her head. "No, she's not. She's at the hospital."

"She was, yes, but now she's gone to heaven."

"When is she coming back?"

He shook his head this time, eyes filling with tears all over again. "I'm sorry, Penny, but she's not coming back."

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" Penny suddenly screamed, and he realised that his words were starting to take affect. First screaming, then crying...then heartbreak. "I don't believe you!" she repeated, standing on the couch and stamping her feet against the cushions. "I want to see my mommy! I want my mommy! I want mommy!"

He reached out his arms to try and contain her but failed because she fought him off. "Penny, you can't-"

"I want mommy!"

He sat there beside her, frozen as Penny's tantrum took affect, flinging her arms up and down, screaming. Her cries got more anguished as well as louder. He didn't know what to do. Should he try to hold her? Leave her to scream it out? Run away and hide? The latter was the strongest urge, to bury his face in a pillow, cover his ears and wait for all of this to go away. He knew he couldn't, but he didn't know what else to do. Laura had offered to stay with him on her way out so that he wouldn't be alone when he told Penny but she'd done enough already, he'd told her. Now, he wished she had stayed. She would know what to do. Maybe he should get one of the others...Ziva...Gibbs...the Director...they'd know what to do. Someone had to know, because he didn't. He just kept repeating that he was sorry, but Penny didn't hear him. She just screamed and screamed.

"I want mommy! I want mommy!"

And then he acted instinctively. He slipped his arms around her even though she fought against him, hitting out with her tiny fists, each hit connecting with his body but not hurting him. She bucked and twisted wildly, still screaming, but he stood his ground, holding her until her anger faded and she went limp against him, throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing against him.

"I want mommy!" she sobbed.

"You've still got me," he told her, his own tears streaming on his face. "I'm still here."

"Bring her back, Daddy. Bring Mommy back," she begged him in coughed sobs.

"It'll be okay," he just whispered in reply to her. "We'll be okay."

\--

Down in the bullpen, Jenny noticed that Ziva kept moving her eyes from her computer screen up to the door of her office. Everything was silent save for the tapping of keys. Gibbs had returned moments after Tony had gone upstairs, and had silently nodded before going back to his own computer, drinking his entire coffee in two gulps before throwing it roughly into his trash can. Ziva and Jenny exchanged a look but nothing was said; it was clear that this was bringing back memories of Shannon and Kelly for him.

After a short while, the unmistakable screaming of a child was heard, followed by loud and uncontrollable sobs. Jenny sighed, and leaned forward where she sat at Tony's desk, all of his team mates and his leader looking up to the door; all hoping that Tony would be the stronger man and not run through the doors helplessly. She noticed the particular expression on Ziva's face. Ziva, of all of them, had bonded with Penny almost as much as Tony had. She had been there late into the night twice, and had spent time with her during the day. Jenny knew that it was hurting her to hear Penny's pain too.

"It's not easy," she acknowledged.

"Explaining death to a child?" Ziva questioned.

She nodded. "Especially when it's someone they love so dearly."

Ziva sighed. "Tony looked heart-shattered."

"Heart-broken," McGee corrected instinctively, but even his tone was sympathetic for their senior field agent.

"Don't mistake parental pain for heartbreak, Ziva," Jenny told her. "That look in his eyes...he's not in pain for Penny's mother, because he knows as an adult that she was in pain and that there was nothing he could do to help her, but Penny...she doesn't understand that, and that's what's killing him inside...knowing that she needed someone to do more for her mother and he wasn't able to be that person."

"I was under the impression that he loved Penny's mother," Ziva frowned.

"He loved her, yes," Jenny nodded. "But he wasn't in love with her."

It was half an hour later when Tony finally came out of the Director's office. He came down the stairs slowly, with Penny fast asleep against a huge wet patch on his shoulder; clearly she had cried herself to sleep against him. He held his daughter against him with a softness that none of them had seen from him before, other that Ziva, who had been there with them at home. He came down silently, not making eye contact or conversation with any of them as he reached down and grabbed his bag. There was the odd sniff of held-back tears, and it was clear from Penny sleeping that the sounds weren't coming from the little girl but instead the man who held her. Gibbs approached him, standing directly behind him

"Tony."

"See you tomorrow, boss. I'm taking her home," he said, his voice emotionless and barren before he had straightened up.

"Tony," he said, more forcefully this. Tony straightened up and faced him, finally making eye contact and revealing the haunted look in his eyes. Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder and spoke softly to him in a manner that Tony wasn't used to from his boss. However, the words would have had no affect from anyone else other than him. "No one should have to do what you just did," he said.

"But I did have to," Tony whispered.

He started to walk away, but Jenny caught up with him at the elevator, holding the doors as they were about to close. "Tony, you have grievance leave," she reminded him. "I suggest you take it."

He nodded silently, and Jenny allowed the doors to close, shutting him off from the only people he knew could help him.

\--

Later that evening things hadn't improved, not that he expected them to. Tony and Penny sat on the couch, with the little girl sobbing silently, clutching her bear fiercely as her father lay behind her, both on their sides facing the television. Old reruns were playing, but neither of them were paying attention; it was just something to fill the apartment with more sound than their sniffs and occasional choked sobs. Occasionally, Tony should rub tears from his face, unaware that he was crying because he was unable to focus on anything other than Penny's sniffles, which made him feel useless and empty as he was helpless to stop them. So he ritualistically rubbed away and tears he found, not wanting Penny to see him crying.

Six o'clock came and went, and soon they had been lying on the couch for six hours more than they should have been, mourning the loss of the woman they'd not been prepared to lose. The sound of a knock on the door broke Tony out of his trance, one that had him ignoring all phone calls made that afternoon, and he looked at the door. There was no movement on the other side of it, but he went up and opened it, Penny not reacting at all to his absence. On the other side of the door was the dark haired woman he'd found himself wanting that afternoon, when he needed to comfort his daughter and remembered the only woman he'd feel comfortable calling and asking for help.

"Ziva," he croaked. "What are you doing here?"

"Have Penny and yourself eaten this evening?" she asked him.

"No," he said, running his hand through his hair as he realised he should have thought about not only lunch, but dinner, by now.

"Then I am here to make you dinner," she said, walking past him and into the apartment. She stopped in the hall, looking into the lounge at the little girl, gripping her bear so hard in case she felt it too would leave her. "How is she?"

Tony came to stand beside her, shaking his head as he gazed at her. "Barely speaking and there's no stopping the tears," he told her.

"And yourself?" she asked, bringing her gaze to him.

He continued watching Penny, unsure of how to answer that. After a few seconds of hesitance, he shuffled his feet. "Let's go into the kitchen, I'll bring Penny," he told her.

Having lifted her from the couch in her crushed state, Tony carried her into the kitchen, sitting her down in one of the chairs before taking a seat beside her. The chair was too big for her, and the night before they'd brought a pillow through for her to sit on but he hadn't thought of that now. It just made her look tinier than she actually was. Ziva began to look through the cupboards in their silence.

"What would you like for dinner?" she asked them both, turning to face them.

Penny just shrugged. Tony shook his head lightly. "I'm not really that hungry."

"Penny, what would you like?" she asked the little girl.

Penny looked at her father, and then to Ziva, and answered in a tiny voice; her first words since she had cried herself to sleep against Tony in Jenny's office. "If Daddy's not hungry than I'm not hungry too."

"Both of you are hungry, and you are both going to eat something," Ziva told them. "Is there anything special either of you would like me to make?"

Tony sighed. "To be honest, Ziva, anything. I'd eat thirty packets of mayonnaise if it was all there was."

Under any other circumstances, she might have rolled her eyes, but instead she looked to Penny again. "Penny, is there anything you would like?"

"Thirty packets of may'nase," she whispered.

Ziva nodded, and then ignored both of their replies. "I will call a pizza."

"'kay," they both whispered in response.

\--

The pizza was eaten in silence, and not long after Penny succumbed and fell asleep in Tony's arms. Silently, he lifted her and carried her through to his bedroom, where he placed her beneath the blankets. She immediately curled up with her teddy, but did not reach to seek him out as she had done the night before. Instead, she barely noticed that he wasn't there. He remained in the doorway for a long time after that, until Ziva came up the hall and stood beside him, leaning on the opposite side of the door frame.

"Is she sleeping?" she asked in a low voice, not wanting to wake her.

He nodded. "Yeah...I broke her heart today," he said, his own voice in a whisper.

"Tony..."

He shook his head. "I can't go through with this, Ziva," he said, falling into the same self-doubt he'd had the night before.

"Yes, you can," she told him.

"Why did this have to happen?" he challenged her. "To Alicia? To Penny?"

"I do not know," she admitted quietly.

She looked at Penny, and when she looked back again she found that there were tear spilling over his cheeks, which he instantly wiped away. "This is ridiculous," he scolded himself.

She took his hand, in the same comforting manner she had done the other night, the same way which made his skin tingle, and enclosed it in her own. "Tony, you do not need to be strong all the time."

He scoffed. "Says the emotionally guarded Mossad ninja," he said.

She didn't rise to the bait as she usually did, but instead kept her gaze trained on him. "You have lost someone you cared for as well," she reminded him.

He watched his daughter, seeing the gentle rise and fall of her chest, and sighed. "I can't afford to break down, Ziva. If Penny sees-"

"Penny is sleeping," she pointed out.

"I can't break down," he repeated. "She needs me to be strong. If she sees me crying then-"

She cut him off this time by tugging him by the hand she held, leading him down the hall and into the lounge. She sat him down on the couch, placing herself beside him and then holding both of her hands in his own. "She will not hear you here," she assured him quietly.

He shook his head still. "I can't, Ziva."

"Look at me, Tony," he didn't naturally. "Look at me," she repeated, more tenderly this time, and perhaps it was the unusual tone in her voice that caught his attention. "Do not hold yourself away from this. Yes, Penny needs you to be strong and you are being very strong. But she also needs you to show her that it is okay to mourn our losses. It is okay to cry, Tony, for yourself and Penny. It is okay for you to be releasing your emotions. There is nothing stronger that you can be doing for her than that."

He leaned forwards over their clasped hands, and she caught the shimmer of tears against his cheeks. She smiled reassuringly even though he was no longer looking at her. She replaced one of her hands on the back of his neck, swirling her fingers through the fine hair on the base of his skull when she felt a single tear drop onto their hands.

"You are a good father, Tony," she told him, when he seemed to relax a little at her touch, almost like a child being comforted by a mother. "It will be okay."

"No, it won't," he protested.

"Not so soon, but in time it will be."

"How do you know that?" he challenged her, bringing his streaming eyes to meet hers.

"Because you are trying," she said.

"And that's enough?"

She nodded. "It is enough for Penny." He leaned forwards again, taking deep, controlled breaths. "I understand that this is causing you pain, Tony. I know that, but you cannot change what was happened. If it were possible, we would correct this, but we cannot. You need to remember that you are not alone in this. You have Penny, and the two of you can help one another, and you also have me."

"You?" he asked, lifting his head again.

She nodded. "You are my partner, Tony, but you are also my friend. We have been there for each other in the past, and I am here for you now. So if there is anything you would like me to do...anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."

He nodded slowly, keeping his eyes trained on hers. "Okay."

They remained there for some time, eyes locked, with her hand still drawing circles on the back of his neck in a way which made her mind scream out was wrong. There was a strangely romantic notion to her regular action, especially now that their eyes had locked; him begging for comfort and her unsure of what lines could and could not be crossed to provide it. There was something in those brown eyes she gazed into, making her realise that he wasn't just screaming out for comfort, but for her specifically, and it wasn't in the way that he was usually chasing after girls. No, the look in his eyes had nothing to do with finding a sexual partner for the night; his eyes wanted something more.

"Would you like to be alone?" she asked him, when he didn't look away and his gaze began to drain on her. "I can leave if-"

As she started to withdraw her hand from his neck, he grabbed it, holding it in mid air and bringing her closer without intending to. "No...I..." they locked eyes again, and she saw the true weakness he was hiding within them. "Please...stay."

"Tell me what I can do to help," she prompted him.

"Just...be here," he requested.

She nodded slowly. "Okay."


	11. Tateleh

How long had he actually been sleeping for?

The only reason he even knew he'd slept was because his eyes protested as they prised themselves open. There was barely any light seeping into the bedroom even though he couldn't remember closing the drapes before he went to sleep. He couldn't actually remember much. The door was open, showing an equal lack of light in the hall; he usually closed it behind him as a force of habit, something he'd done as a child and teenager and continued to do as a grown man. He was lying beneath the blanket rather than above as he had done one of the previous nights, so he'd clearly put thought into getting into bed before he'd climbed under the duvet. He was still wearing sweat pants and his t-shirt from the night before, though, so maybe it wasn't a lot of thought he'd had to give to the situation.

There was no blaring alarm clock that had woken him that morning, unlike yesterday. Yesterday when Gibbs had wanted him in early to catch up on his overflowing out tray of paperwork. Yesterday when they'd visited the hospice for one final exchange with the woman inside it...yesterday when Alicia had died. With no alarm clock to drag him kicking and screaming from sleep he wondered what had woke him so effectively. In the distance, he could hear sound; a murmured phone conversation that he couldn't make out the words of even though it appeared to be the only sound in his apartment. He knew that voice; that husky, unique tone.

Ziva must have stayed last night, he realised. He remembered that now; he remembered her taking him into the living room, away from the bedroom where Penny slept so that he could release the anguish that had been eating away at him. Of course, he'd argued against her insistence that he release his emotions and allow himself to cry (one, because he didn't want Penny to hear or see him crying, and two, because he was a man and his father had drummed it into him after his own mother's death that real men didn't cry), but she'd managed to coax him into shedding tears right before her. There'd been eye contact as well. Eye contact that gave him more reassurance that things would be okay than anything that anyone else had done so far. Eye contact that had made a wad of emotion lock in his chest, and he knew that it wasn't the emotion she was trying to get him to embrace rather than lock away. Eye contact that had him fighting every part of his consciousness to focus on the little girl asleep in his bed rather than the beautifully mysterious woman before him; this woman who had, over the past few days, transformed from the dangerous Mossad officer who could leave him vomiting just from a drive to the other side of the Navy yard, fearing for his life just because she was holding an office stapler. Now, she was the closest thing he had to a guiding light. She was coming back to his apartment just because she was concerned about him, because she wanted to help him...because he was hurting and she wanted to be the person who could take that away from him, and he had seen that all in her eyes. But at the end of the day, no matter how comforting it was to look into someone's eyes with so much intensity, it was just eye contact and nothing more.

Was this the first time he'd had a woman stay over at his apartment and not had sex with her?

It was certainly the first time he'd woken up alone and not stumbled straight out of bed and into the shower. On nights when he didn't bring a date home, he ended up watching reruns into the early hours of the morning, and falling into bed later earlier hours, which some people would consider ridiculous considering the ungodly hours he had to wake up for work most of the time. Once the alarm snapped him from whatever dream he was having (ten to one it would be one featuring fast cars or scantily clad women, three to one on it featuring both), he would roll out of bed, avoid hitting the carpet with too much force, and wake himself up with a shower. Coffee was for people like Gibbs and McGee, who needed it to get them through the day; Tony preferred his own methods. He preferred his own drive to get him through to the next second.

His own drive, which had disappeared all now, leaving him helpless to the sudden ugliness of uncertainty.

If it were possible, he'd fly a million miles away from the hurt that this situation was causing both him and Penny, this new daughter that he'd barely been given the opportunity to know before he'd had to explain that her mother was gone forever, but he knew that it would never help them escape it. Yesterday and these painful days that followed would always be imprinted in their memories, whether they ended up in the wild rain forests away from all human contact or whether they stayed where they were in the bedroom, in the dark of the pre-sunrise morning and hidden beneath the blankets. Yes, he realised as his eyes flickered again to a gap in the drapes, it's always darkest before the dawn.

However, the darkness now wasn't one he could see being lightened by his own sunrise, whatever that may prove to be. Alicia was gone; her time at life had passed, but he and Penny had to carry on regardless. Penny was a three year old girl, though, and needed guidance first; meaning Tony had to go about his day, pretending that he was okay, to some extent, and act like he didn't feel his way of life had come to a shattering standstill with no means of repair. In all practicality, he'd have to make sure Penny didn't pick up on the fact that he was starting his life all over again, becoming a different man with different priorities.

Going back to work would be difficult; he knew that. Jenny had recommended that he use all of his grievance leave, which he would probably take, but being away from work usually left him feeling useless. Even when he'd been infected with pneumonic plague, he'd returned to work a week early, albeit not entirely in a fit state, just because he was bored. Now, however, things would be different. People wouldn't be looking to him for what to do, but waiting to see what he would do when things collapsed in his own life. They'd be waiting to see him screw up and see what he'd do about that. Gibbs would have expectations of his fatherly skills, which at the moment were severely lacking. Abby would hug him at every available second, probably joining McGee watching him like a cracked glass about to shatter, just with the physical contact that the Probie wouldn't offer. Jenny would be the sympathetic boss, asking if he needed time off, if there was anything she could do...and Ziva...what would Ziva do?

Finally, his eyes fell on the ominous glow of the alarm clock. Yes, it was definitely early. A small corner of the bedroom floor was lightly bathed in the faint light that shone from it, showing the time to be 4.17 in the morning; a time he rarely saw without being awoken by a phone call. A sound reached him, snapping his eyes away from trying to figure out whether his alarm clock was lying to him about the hour of the morning. It was much closer than Ziva's faint tone down the hall, definitely the sound which had woken him. Definitely the sound.

He looked down at the bed beside him. His eyes were met with a mirrored version of his own, dark eyes that bore into him as intensely as Ziva's did, this time seeking comfort rather than answers. Penny, his little girl, his brand new daughter, was staring up at him from where she lay only a few inches away. Her eyes ran with tears she was struggling to keep silent as she clutched furiously at her bear still, something she'd still been doing even in sleep, he'd noticed. Her eyes were unmoving, waiting for him to do something, anything. Unsure of what he could possibly do, he reached out one arm, feeling the muscles in it complain from wanting more rest, and he pulled her closer to him, closing the gap between them as she settled her head on his shoulder.

"It's okay," he whispered into the bedroom, unsure of why he was keeping his voice so low. No one in the apartment was sleeping now.

"I didn't want her to go away, Daddy," Penny whispered back, her voice thick from either sleep or tears, probably both.

"I know, I didn't want her to go away either," he agreed, slowly rubbing her back with his palm, as if assuring her that it was okay to cry as she had done yesterday.

"Then why did she?" she challenged him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, struggling to find the answer to a question he'd been asking himself for many restless hours now. "Because sometimes, when people get sick, they don't always get better," he explained, "and the doctors can't always help us."

"Why not?" she complained, pouting out her lower lip. "They should."

"Sometimes they just don't have any answers," he told her honestly.

"But I need my Mommy," she argued, as if this were grounds enough for Alicia being allowed to live forever and Tony wished that this was true.

"You've got me now," he reminded her, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt when he spoke. "I'm not going anywhere, Penny, I promise."

"Why can't I have a Mommy and a Daddy at the same time?"

How many children had asked themselves that at some point in their lives, he wondered? He sat up in bed, pulling her into his lap so that they were facing one another. "Penny," he told her softly, using his thumb to wipe away some of the tears on her cheek. "Your mother had been ill for a very long time, but she doesn't have to be ill anymore," he told her. "We can be happy about that, can't we? She won't be hurting or sick anymore"

She just nodded wordlessly.

"I know that you're sad now," he continued, noticing as more tears replaced the ones he'd wiped away just seconds before. "We both are, but that's okay. One day soon, we'll realise that we were lucky to have her as a mommy and as a friend, and we'll be happy that we can remember her smiling and not hurting...but we can't feel happy today, it's too soon."

"Where is she?" Penny asked.

"Her body is still with the doctors," he explained.

Her little brow furrowed. "She's still at the hospital?"

He nodded. "Her body is still at the hospital, but her spirit is gone."

She tilted her head to one side. "What's a spirit?"

He screwed up his nose trying to explain it, not noticing how similar they looked. "It's a part of us inside that you can't really see, but it's what makes us special and different to everyone else."

"Where has Mommy's gone?" she asked him.

"Some people think that it goes to heaven and lives forever, but some people think that it just disappears and that sleep for a long, long time," he told her.

"Where do you think it goes?" she asked him, her eyes baring into his once again.

"I think it lives on," he answered without a second thought. "I don't know if it goes to heaven or somewhere else, some other place that I don't know anything about, but it doesn't just disappear. It lives on, even if it's only in the hears of the people we love."

Penny watched him for a moment, and then leaned forward. "That's what I think too," she told him before kissing him on the cheek.

She settled against him again, curling into a ball in his lap and resting her head on his chest. Was she tired? How long had she even been awake for if it was her sniffle that had woken him in the first place? It was barely four-thirty in the morning and her eyes, whilst covered in the sheen of tears, were still bright and curious. She must have been awake for some time before her sniffles had awoken him.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, remembering that the pizza Ziva had called on their behalf yesterday had barely been touched by the youngster. Penny didn't reply, but nodded against him instead, sending her dark hair rubbing against his shoulder, an act which tousled it. "Let's go and see what food we've got," he told her.

Again, she was silent, but made no move to get up from the position she'd found in his lap. So, he raised himself from the bed, awkwardly switching her from sitting sideways against him so that he could hold her with more ease. Eventually, she fell against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his chest, burying her face against his shoulder. He sighed for a moment, feeling her stomach rumbling against his own and dreading the sight of empty kitchen cupboards, before he left the bedroom. Almost immediately, he'd bumped into Ziva, who was leaving the bathroom.

"Good morning," she said, giving him a gentle smile.

"Hey," he replied, the smile he attempted to return seeming more of a grimace. "You stayed?"

She nodded. "You asked me to, and I wanted to make sure that you both slept properly," she explained.

"She did," Tony said, nodding his head down towards Penny.

"I know that," Ziva nodded. "You, on the other hand, did not lie still until an hour ago."

That's why he felt he'd had no sleep, clearly. "I thought I was quiet," he murmured.

"You were," she assured him, giving him that look she always did when her Mossad training seemed to give her the one-up when he was trying to fool her.

They went down the hall and into the living room, Tony flicking on light switches as they passed. "Who called you earlier?" he asked casually.

"Adam," she answered, with a soft smile tugging at her lips.

Tony stopped, raising an eyebrow at her. She simply smiled back, and their eyes connected; however this time he knew that this wasn't the same eye contact that had dragged him through the past few days. No, this was contact that reminded him of the painfully obvious factor of Ziva's life which he had been ignoring. Adam. Lieutenant Adam Gellar, to be more precise. A naval recruit officer who had contacted them when one of his old buddies had been murdered whilst on the phone to him. Lieutenant Adam Gellar, Tony thought with an internal frown, who had been dating Ziva for the past eight months.

But that smile on her lips was what kept his frown inside of him. He knew that she'd missed him since he'd visited Iraq for five weeks. Tony didn't even know what it was for, all he knew was that Adam was away on business as this was all Ziva would tell him. The main reason he wouldn't get any more information out of her about him was because she knew he didn't trust Adam. But while this may be true, he knew that she missed him, even though the strong Mossad woman wouldn't ever admit it.

"He will be back in two days," she informed him, that soft yet sickening smile still present.

"Great," he replied, with no enthusiasm.

She shook her head at him, like a mother giving up on arguing with a child. "I know that the two of you do not see eye to eye, Tony, but Adam is a respectable man and he treats me well."

Of course, there wasn't just the fact that Tony didn't like Adam, there was also the clear dislike for him mirrored from Adam himself. There was usually a long staring contest and a handshake that seemed more like an arm wrestle when the came into contact, a battle over Ziva featuring her partner at work and her partner outside of work. "I'm not the one dating him, Ziva, I don't need the convincing."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head and murmuring something in Hebrew under her breath. She turned her attention to Penny, stroking her hair as she stepped closer to Tony. "Shalom, Penny," she said, brightening her voice but still speaking quietly.

Penny rolled her head across Tony's shoulder, so that she could see Ziva. "Hi," she whispered quietly.

"How did you sleep?" Ziva asked her.

"For a long time," she told her.

"That is good," Ziva smiled.

"I miss Mommy," she continued.

Ziva stroked her hair again, causing Tony to breathe deeply despite himself. Whilst Ziva stood so close to him, comforting his daughter without a second though, he chided himself for only being able to think of how close she was standing to him, and how that meant he could smell her hair. If he turned his head, their faces would be less than an inch apart, so he kept his eyes trained on the mirror across the room, and resorted to watching them through the glass.

"I know that you do, Tateleh," Ziva sighed, lapsing into a Hebrew pet name for her that she'd once used for her younger sister. "But you have your father and he will care for you."

Penny nodded, and turned her head into Tony's shoulder again, tightening her grip around him. "Tateleh?" he questioned, turning his head now that she had stepped back. His pronunciation on the Hebrew word wasn't brilliant.

"A Hebrew nickname. It means 'little darling'," she translated for him. "Gibbs also called, he said that you are under orders to take your two weeks leave."

"Orders?"

She nodded. "If not you for your own well being, then for the purpose of settling Penny into your apartment."

He looked around him, taking in the stacks of pizza boxes, magazines, and unironed clothes. "I guess firing the maid wasn't a great idea," he grimaced.

"I am sure you are perfectly capable of doing the cleaning yourself, Tony," Ziva told him. "Besides, Penny cannot sleep in your bed forever. Arrangements need to be made and your time off is the perfect opportunity to see to this."

"I know, but.." he broke off, composing himself against the sudden spring of orders and expectations that had been launched at him. "It only happened yesterday, Ziva," he said, his voice dropping low again. "She needs time...I need to take this slowly."

She put her hand on his shoulder for a moment. "I believe this is the purpose of ordering you to take the full time off. "

He nodded, realising that she was right. "I still have to go into the office this morning," he realised. "I've got half of Penny's stuff in my desk from yesterday and she'll need it."

"I can bring it to you, it is no trouble," Ziva offered.

He shook his head, declining her offer. "I could do with the fresh air."

"Tony..."

"I solemnly swear I will do no work," he said.

She watched him for a moment, and he knew she was trying to figure out of he was lying, but she seemed satisfied with his pledge. "I cannot refuse you that," she settled.

She went to walk into the kitchen, and he waited until she was in the doorway before he called her back. In all honesty, he didn't trust himself to tell her this while she was standing so close to him, especially since Adam's impending return was now clouding his mind. "Ziva, listen...about last night..." he said.

She turned to him. "Tony, that is something you say to the women you sleep with in the mornings, yes?" she corrected.

"No, seriously," he told her. "Last night."

"What about it?" she asked him.

"Thank you..." he croaked out. "For everything."

"It is nothing," she smiled.

"It's something. More than something. We'd probably still be on the couch if it wasn't for you," he told her. He walked towards her. "Me and mia stella," he told her.

"Mia stella?" she frowned. "My Italian is not that fluent."

"It means 'my star'," Tony told her. "I hope you two both like toast, because that's pretty much all that's in my kitchen."


	12. I Didn't Do Anything

He found himself closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before he was ready to leave the elevator. On the ride up to the squad room he'd realised why Abby had once felt so safe in there. There was something comforting about being shut off from everything else, knowing that just for a moment, there was no bad news that could reach them inside the elevator. He had Penny hoisted up onto his shoulder, as he had done all that morning, and she was hanging onto him silently. In fact, it was much like the first day he had found her, only this time she was awake and refusing to let go of him. Her usual enthusiasm had been shot down ever since the previous morning, when he'd had to tell her that her mother had died. Ziva was beside him in the elevator, and he was thankful for that. She stood tall beside him while he slouched under the weight of the little girl that was causing his shoulder to ache. They'd driven in separately, but arrived at the same time and they were the only people in the elevator. She didn't fill the air with useless assurances that things would be okay, because she knew that he didn't want to hear that right now. She just stood beside him, and stayed by his side. Partners, even in a situation far beyond their work.

Eventually, the doors pinged open, and he stepped out into the squad room. It felt strange knowing that he would be leaving here again shortly. Even when he came into work feeling sicker than a zombie he'd end up staying for at least six hours until he was sent home kicking and screaming. They went into the bullpen, Ziva settling her bag on her desk and going about her usual morning routine of turning on her computer and checking her phone messages. Tony, on the other hand, was silent as he turned to his desk. It was a drastic change from yesterday, when he and Penny had walked in side by side, her holding his hand as they bickered about whether Incy Wincy Spider was a better song than New York, New York. Now, he struggled to get all of their things from his drawers into any available empty space in his bags with one arm, whilst still holding Penny securely with the other. It didn't take long for him to sigh, and look around him for a moment, seeming rather lost.

"Penny," he told her, putting his hand on her back. "I need to put you down for a minute."

She made a little squeal and tightened her arms around his neck.

"Penny...please..." he begged, his voice sounding as broken as it had done the day before.

"No, Daddy," she protested.

He sighed again, looking around helplessly. He couldn't keep holding her, but it seemed he couldn't put her down either. She was only going to cling tighter and tighter to him every time he attempted to put her down. A hand on his shoulder startled him, and he turned to see Ziva standing there. She nodded towards Penny. "How about Ziva?" he asked Penny. "Will you go to Ziva for a minute?"

Penny thought about it for a moment, then she whispered against him, so that he felt her answer rather than heard it. "'kay," she murmured. Then, as Tony began to pass her to Ziva, she lifted her head from his shoulder.

Ziva settled the young girl on her hip, and her revealed face showed fresh tracks of tears running down her cheeks. Ziva smiled softly at her. "Let us wipe away those tears, Tateleh," she told her, not in an upbeat voice but there was a tenderness there that Tony hadn't heard from Ziva until Penny showed up. He watched how she handled his daughter, almost fascinated by her instinctual movements as she took him over to McGee's desk, stealing one of the tissues from the box on the shelf behind it, wiping away Penny's tears with a reassuring smile. "That is better, we can see your pretty face now," Ziva told her, gently stroking her cheek with her finger.

Penny put her head down in Ziva's shoulder, hugging her tightly as she had done Tony. "I want my mommy, Ziva," she said, in a heartbroken tone that caused every part of Tony's body to ache.

"I know, Penny," Ziva told her, as she rocked her gently. "But you have your father."

"And you?" Penny asked her.

She smiled again, unseen to the little girl, but Tony saw that this was more a smile of content. "Yes, you have me as well," she assured her.

Penny's arms tightened around her again. "I like that you're my friend, Ziva."

Ziva's smile grew, despite the circumstances. "I like that too, Penny."

The moment brought Tony back to their undercover operation, where they'd posed as assassins Jean Paul and Sophie. When they'd discovered Sophie was pregnant at the time of her death, he'd tried to picture what Ziva would be like with children. His first thought, obviously, had been of many miniature versions of her, each holding paper clips and advancing on him with sparkling eyes and threatening smiles, but he'd seen through that after a moment. He'd been able to picture her standing over a baby, stroking their face and whispering lullabies in a way that seemed so unlike her usual self that he barely believed it. Now, however, as she held his daughter closely, comforting her in her mother's absence, he realised that he had been right. Dealing with children was different than dealing with murderers and criminals. Children needed care and love, things which were never involved in their work so he'd never been able to see Ziva as he was seeing her right now.

He turned to his desk, guiltily realising that Ziva was easily doing a better job at comforting Penny than he was, and he was supposed to be her father. He swept everything into his bag, regardless of whether or not he would need it later, and as he tried to shove the bag closed he realised that he really didn't need to take his stapler with him, so he fished that out and threw it back into the drawer. As he closed the desk, finally able to close the bag without various things popping out of it, the Director came down the stairs. She walked into the bullpen and, upon seeing Tony, she stopped.

"Aren't you supposed to be on leave?" she asked him.

"I'm just getting our things," he explained quietly.

"Do you have a moment?" she asked. "I'd like a word in private."

Tony looked over at Penny and Ziva before he answered Jenny. Ziva, who had heard the Director's question, nodded to him, assuring him that Penny would be fine with her. "Yeah, sure," Tony nodded.

He followed her up the stairs and into her office, trying to return the gentle smile that Cynthia gave him on the way past but he soon realised that it came out as nothing more than a grimace. Jenny shut the door behind him, and gestured for him to sit at the conference table. He remained standing for a moment, the couch catching his eye; the same couch he'd sat at yesterday. He broke his daughter's heart on that couch. He snapped his gaze away from it, and sat down at the conference table. Instead of sitting opposite him, Jenny took the end seat so that she was facing him sideways.

"How is Penny coping?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"Quietly," he told her. "She uh...I don't think she knows what to do. She keeps asking for Alicia. Every time I have to tell her that she's not here I have to see that look on her eyes all over again..." he broke off, seeing that look in question and taking a breath.

"And how are you coping?"

Tony was silent at this. People kept asking him that question, and he kept avoiding it. "Penny's the one that matters here, not me," he said emotionless.

"You know that isn't true, Tony," she told him gently.

"She lost her mother."

"You lost her mother, too," she reminded him. "Regardless of your relationship with her more recently, you must have been close to her at some point for her to have had your child."

College days where she was his entire world flashed back to him, and he nodded. "Yeah, we were close," he murmured.

"Then you have your own loss to mourn."

He half-laughed at this, leaning back in the seat. "You sound like Ziva," he told her, earning a questioning glance in return. "She uhh...she stayed last night. I don't know whether she slept or where she slept, but she was awake when I went to bed and awake when I got up."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is there anything I should know, Agent DiNozzo?" she asked him, a formal tone in her voice.

He shook his head. "No. No, Ziva and I aren't in a relationship," he assured her.

"I didn't think so," she said, her smile returning. "I believed she was still seeing Lieutenant Gellar."

"Yeah, he gets back soon," Tony remembered from their conversation that morning, fighting to keep the dis-contempt from his voice.

"I'm sure she's pleased. However, we aren't here to talk about Ziva," Jenny told him.

"I thought not," he nodded slowly.

"Have you given any thought to the funeral?" she asked him, as gently as he'd ever heard her voice sound before.

"I..." The funeral. Alicia needed remembering. Arrangements needed to be made. Alicia's life needed to be remembered well. "No. No, I haven't," he admitted.

"Has she any family members who can arrange the ceremony?" Jenny asked him.

"Her father and her stepmother but...well, I'm sure you know about what they did to Penny."

She nodded. "Yes, I know, and I have passed the matter on to Jethro for investigation."

Tony looked up sharply, meeting her eyes for the first time. "What?"

"NCIS investigates on behalf of agents families as well, Tony. Penny is your daughter, and child negligence and abuse is a crime."

He leaned forward on the table, placing his head in his hands. "I should have done something about that. I didn't think..."

Jenny reached out, putting her hand on his shoulder. She'd always considered DiNozzo much like a younger Gibbs, but there were moments where she was reminded of a lost little boy when she looked at him. "You were overwhelmed with a situation you weren't prepared for," she told him slowly. "It's understandable."

"No, it's not," he said, raising his head to look at her again, a haunted look in his eyes. "She'd been hurt and I didn't do anything. They're supposed to be her family and they hurt her. They hurt my little girl and I didn't do anything about it." He returned his head to his hands and took a shaky breath.

"You got her out of there, didn't you?" she reminded him. He realised that she was right, releasing a deep breath through his hands. "Are there any other family members who need to be notified about the funeral?" she asked, getting back to the task at hand.

He shook his head. "I don't think Alicia would be bothered about them being there, to be honest," he realised. "They treated Alicia the same as they did Penny. Both of them were burdens, so I don't think her father will be planning anything."

"Which would leave it to you."

"I guess so," he said, staring off into the distance. He fell into silence, realising that he didn't understand a single thing that he needed to do. He smirked ironically. "You know, I've been to so many funeral, but I've never organised one before. I never thought I'd have to. My mom...Kate...Paula...now Alicia?"

"If this is something you don't feel you can handle, Tony, I'll make the calls for you myself," Jenny offered.

"I can't ask you to do that," he said, even though his mind was screaming for him to accept, for some of the pressure to be taken from his shoulders.

"You don't have to," she assured him. "Funerals are time consuming. You'll need to arrange a location, transportation, what sort of funeral you'd like for her, not to mention flowers and other costs. All of this on top of getting to know your daughter will be hard, even for an NCIS agent."

"You're the Director of NCIS," he said, as though it presented an argument on his behalf.

She smiled sadly at him. "It's arguable which of us has the more challenging task at hand right now."

"Are you suggesting I can't do this?" he asked her defensively.

"No," she shook her head. "But I can see from the look in your eyes that you don't want to."

"I don't want to have to bury her at all," he told her. "I don't want Penny to have to see a cold slab instead of her mother."

"Tony," Jenny said gently, putting her hand over his. "I will make the calls for you as soon as you let me know anything you would like to be a part of the ceremony," she told him.

"You'd really do that?" he asked her in disbelief.

She nodded. "Just tell me when you're ready."

He looked at her, a little stunned. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "I was also wondering if you had any family you could call to help you over the next few weeks, seeing as you won't be here," she asked him.

He shrugged that idea off quickly. "I don't get on well with my family, Director. What's left of it, that is."

"What about your father?" she asked him. "Have you considered calling him?"

He stiffened in the seat. "Me? Call him?"

"Yes, Tony, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about this," she pointed out.

"We don't know that," he told her. "Besides, we don't need him. My real family is here at NCIS, so is Penny's."

"I'm sure your colleagues would be very touched to know that, Tony."

"Yeah, they probably would," he agreed, standing up. "If there's nothing else...?"

"Of course not," she said, standing along side him. "I wish you the best with getting to know your daughter, Tony. Let me know about the funeral arrangements and if there's anything else I can do to help."

He smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Thank you," he said, moving to the doorway. Before he left, however, he turned back. "Director?"

"Yes, Tony?" she asked, as she sat back down at her desk.

"I wasn't just talking about the team when I was saying about family," he told her. "She already calls you Auntie Jenny thanks to Ziva."

And before she could react to that, he was gone, leaving the Director of NCIS with a smile on her face that didn't disappear for quite some time.

\--

Back in the squad room, Ziva had sat down at her desk. Penny was perched in her lap sideways, still holding onto her neck with one arm as Ziva checked her emails. "Where's Daddy gone?" Penny asked, when Tony had been gone for several minutes.

"He is upstairs speaking with Auntie Jenny," Ziva told her.

"Why?"

"I do not know, Tateleh, you shall have to ask him when he returns."

Penny sighed, snuggling her face into Ziva's neck. "When will that be?"

"Soon," Ziva assured her.

"Promise?"

Ziva looked down, smoothing back Penny's dark hair so that she could see her eyes, before settling her palm on her cheek. "Penny, your father will be back in a moment. I promise."

"'kay," Penny muttered, snuggling closer again.

After a few more minutes, Tony came back down the stairs. Penny looked up. "See, here he is," Ziva told her.

"Hey," Tony murmured at them, before walking straight over to Gibbs' desk. He put his hands on the edge of the desk and leaned in to his boss. "Director gave you the case," he said simply. It wasn't a question. Gibbs turned away from his computer and looked at Tony. "Penny's grandparents."

"Yes, she did," he said.

"I want to be a part of it."

Gibbs shook his head. "No, DiNozzo."

"She's my daughter," he pointed out.

"Which is exactly why you can't be a part of it," he reminded the younger agent. Tony sighed again, dipping his head as the feeling of helplessness flooded over him yet again. "I'm not going to let them walk away from this, Tony," Gibbs told him. "They hurt an innocent girl."

"MY girl," Tony corrected with a fierce protectiveness. "They hurt my girl."

"And I'm going to give them Hell for it," Gibbs said simply, turning back to his computer to signal that the conversation was over.

"Good," Tony nodded, determined to have the last word as he straightened up and went over to the side of Ziva's desk. "Ready to go home?" he asked Penny, as she reached out her arms for him, nodding. He bundled her up into his arms, and looked down at Ziva. "Thanks for watching her, Ziva," he breathed.

"It was no trouble," she assured him. "I hope this afternoon is better than yesterday for you both."

"So do I," he agreed, as he grabbed his bag from his desk and threw it over his other shoulder. "I'll see you guys soon."

"Yes, you shall," Ziva smiled. "Goodbye, Penny,"

"Bye," Penny said quietly, waving to Ziva with her tiny hand as father and daughter moved back towards the elevator.

\--

"I'm hungry."

He grimaced, as she told him yet again that she wanted food. They were standing in the kitchen, staring at the cupboards that had revealed nothing but the end slices from the loaf of bread which had been used for breakfast that morning. He'd checked the fridge, but it had nothing but the milk that had gone out of date the day before and he couldn't give her that. Instead, he just stared at the emptiness of the kitchen.

"Me too," he agreed, as his own stomach rumbled.

"We don't got no food, do we?" Penny realised.

Tony was about to answer, but a knock on the door interrupted him. He left the kitchen, Penny following him obediently and hiding behind his legs as he opened the door to reveal their guests. He frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"It is good to see you as well, Tony," Ziva replied, leaning against the door frame so that she could see the little girl hiding behind his legs. "Shalom, Penny."

"Shalom, Ziva. Shalom, Auntie Jenny," Penny said, greeting their visitors with more grace than Tony had done.

"May we come in?" Jenny asked.

Tony stepped back, still in shock as he realised that the Director of NCIS was about to see his messy, empty apartment. The two women stepped in, both with different reactions. Ziva wasn't phased by the mess, but Jenny raised her eyebrows at the stacks of unwashed clothes and pizza boxes.

"Daddy fired the maid," Penny told her.

"Thank you, Penny," Tony said, shutting the door behind everyone. "So, uh...what brings you to our humble...trash pile?"

"Shopping," Jenny said simply.

"Shopping?"

Ziva nodded. "Shopping."

"You're going shopping?"

"We are going shopping," Jenny corrected him.

The shock continued to mount. "As in...me as well?" he asked hesitantly.

"Unless your kitchen has mysteriously filled with food since this morning, yes," Ziva confirmed.

"Oh," he said simply. "Right."

"We goin' out, Daddy?" Penny asked him.

"I think so," he murmured, distraction taking hold of him. Shopping. He hated shopping.

"I get my shoes," she said simply, tottering off down the hall.

"Shopping?" Tony asked again, once she had disappeared.

"Penny needs more clothes and you need food," Jenny pointed out. "She'll also be needing a bedroom. We're here to help with that."

"Shouldn't you both be...working?" he reminded them.

"We're covered for," Jenny told him.

"Does Gibbs know about this?"

"It was mostly his idea," Ziva told him.

Tony laughed, not believing this for a second. "Gibbs let you leave work in the middle of the day to go shopping?"

Jenny raised a stern eyebrow at him. "Jethro is not Director, Tony. I am."

"Of course, Ma'am...uh...Director," he stumbled. "And uh...thank you, I guess."

Penny came back up to them, shoes shoved onto the wrong feet with the laces dangerously untied. "Ready, Daddy," she told him. "I got my dollar too," she said, holding up the bill.

He frowned at her. "Where did you get a dollar?" he asked her suspiciously.

"I found it in the couch," she told him, pointing at the massive pile of mess. "Can I spend it shoppin'?"

He nodded. "Okay. We better sort your shoes out first, though."

As Tony bent down to put the sneakers on the right feet and then tie the laces so she didn't trip, Penny looked up at him. "Are we goin' to the mall?" she asked him hopefully.

"Uh..." he trailed off, looking to the women beside him for confirmation.

"Yes, Penny, we are," Jenny confirmed.

Penny's eyes widened, sparkling for the first time since yesterday morning. "I never been to the mall before."


	13. He Was Never There

Tony hated shopping.

Of course, not many men would have been happy with the idea of following two women and a young girl around the shops, but Tony considered himself in more danger than the others. He really hated shopping. He was willing to suffer puppy dog eyes for three weeks straight, and whatever punishment Ziva could inflict with a paper clip, just to get out of shopping. However, these pleas in the car journey on the way there hadn't been heard - he was only thankful that Jenny was driving. As they'd walked around the mall, the other men looked at Tony with shared sympathy for the poor man. Penny would take either Jenny or Ziva's hand, skipping along beside them and pointing out all the things she loved and wanted while Tony shoved his hands in his pockets, grumbled about the horrors of shopping with not one, but three, women, and wished that he was back on the couch at home.

The first shop they'd arrived in was a toy store. Wow, what a great decision that had clearly been. Take a three year old child to a toy store. Penny's eyes had lit up at what lined the shelves, reaching for her dollar as if it could buy her all of it. At the same time, Tony resisted the urge to tear up his credit card so that they couldn't use it to pay for anything. He got another look of sympathy from a male store attendant as he walked in behind the others, and he could see the confused, questioning stares they gave him; all of them trying to work out how he was connected to each of the females he was with. Of course, they might have guessed from the constant "Daddy, look at this!" that he was Penny's father, but they had no idea that the women with them were his boss's boss and his partner. Oh no. It looks like some messed up day out; being dragged shopping by his girlfriend and mother-in-law. He could appreciate that these people were his family, and now Penny's family, but in a brother-sister-Gibbs-like-a-father way, not a Ziva-is-my-girlfriend and My-boss-is-like-a-mother-in-law way.

And so, the hands remained in his pockets, and the grumbles remained hardly existent beneath his breath.

It was difficult for him to adjust to the aisles in the toy store. Not just because they sold so many different things than when he was a child, but because he was now shopping for a completely different gender (and paying for it, as well. He hadn't had to do that until he was twelve years old and forced to spend his own money on himself). He'd grown up buying toy police badges, plastic weapons and action figures. Penny had known exactly what she liked and it couldn't have been more different to her father's childhood tastes. She'd wasted no time in heading over to the girls toys; eagerly pointing out the dolls, costume dresses and child's make-up sets while Tony resisted the temptation to lead her into the section containing action figures that shot out plastic fireballs and spoke three different phrases when you pushed a button.

When faced with a choice, and reminded that Daddy's credit card was not magical enough to buy it all, she'd decided that she wanted some new dolls. 'Some' had quickly turned into 'several', and 'several' had soon become 'as many as her hands could carry'. She'd walked straight past the stuffed animals because she was content with the bear she had already, the one that she had sat down on the couch when they had left, assuring the inanimate object that they wouldn't be long and that he should behave and look after the house while they were gone, even if it was a mess. Tony was glad that she had passed on the stuffed animals, but not too thrilled when she passed him all the dolls to hold. This left her hands free to do more shopping, as she led Ziva and Jenny further into the toy store, and Tony was left to follow them obediently, gazing longingly at a stand of build-your-own hovercraft sets.

But all in all, he realised that Penny was actually happy as they walked around the store. Up until Jenny and Ziva had mentioned the words 'shopping' and 'mall', Penny had been nearly silent, only muttering as little words as she needed. She'd clung to Tony in a way that he had never felt so needed before, and while it had scared him, he could now look at her, skipping amid the toys with her new found family, that he had liked it. He'd liked holding her close, knowing that she wanted him and no one else. Needy women were different from dependant children. Because of this, he made no comments about the growing pile of price tags he was carrying. He let her look at the toys for as long as she liked, and to take all the time in the world deciding whether she wanted the doll with the green ball gown or the mermaid's tail. He let her get the accessory set for the doll she eventually chose (the mermaid, because she liked the hair) even though he knew that half of it would probably be lost somewhere in his apartment by the end of the week.

He let her stay in the place that brought her happiness as long as she wanted because her mother had died yesterday, yet she was smiling. He didn't know how long she'd be smiling for, and he wanted to be as long as possible.

However, their next shop still had him biting back a groan. A clothes store. Not just any clothes store. Not a store that sold expensive suits, silk ties and Italian leather shoes…the children's clothes. He might have been shopping for toys as a child, even though they were for himself, but he had never been clothes shopping before. His mother always brought his clothes for him, because she knew his sizes, if not always his tastes, but after her death he'd been made to suffer hand-me-downs from one of his elder cousins. That is, until he'd discovered the joys of wearing handmade finery.

The store was surprisingly empty, but it was a weekday so there wasn't going to be a lot of children dragged around a store by their mothers. Parents were working, and children were at school, the ones that weren't had ended up in the store in the form of stressed mothers' looking through the racks of clothing, checking sizes as their toddlers had twelve fits of tantrums in their strollers; trying to escape the binds that prevented them leaving the store while their mothers were preoccupied with other matters.

Thankfully, Jenny and Ziva had taken charge of looking through the clothes. Tony wasn't sure why he was more thankful, because he was holding four bags from the toy store already, or because he really knew nothing about what little girls wore. And so, the endless racks of outfits had began to be searched, Penny telling them colours she liked, and what clothes she wanted. Jenny had checked the labels in what she was wearing so that they knew the sizes (something Tony hadn't even thought of doing) while Penny proceeded to point out a rather sparkly t-shirt that she liked to Ziva. Dresses and skirts were and instant no; at least the ones that the sales attendant had pointed out to them were.

"Too short," he'd announced, as he threw himself down into one of the chairs nearby and laid the bags of toys on the ground beside him. He was more than happy for them to shop and spend his money if he could sit back and relax while they did. "Way too short for a three-year old."

Jenny smiled at him, that strange smirk that she usually challenged Gibbs with. "It hasn't taken long for you to become an overprotective father," she commented innocently.

"There's nothing overprotective about not wanting Penny to go out looking like a lap dancer when she isn't even old enough to know what one is," he defended. "That," he said, gesturing to the skirt Jenny was holding, "is too short."

"Relax, Tony," Ziva smirked. Why did they keep smirking at him? Was it because they knew how uncomfortable he was with shopping? "I do not think she will be getting into the back of a boy's car any time soon."

That hadn't made him feel any better. "Penny will never be getting into the back of any boy's car, romantic intentions or not," he told them simply.

"Were your intentions romantic when you took a girl into the back of your car?" Ziva asked him.

He gave her a look. A look that explained everything; particularly that when a girl had gotten into the back of his car all words of a romantic nature had been to simply lead on the more censored actions that followed. "The skirt's too short," he said, choosing not to answer her question.

In retaliation, he'd been forced to actively join the clothes hunt.

"Penny," Tony called her over, after what seemed like an age of shopping. Penny looked up from where she was standing impatiently beside Ziva, who was looking at a rather ugly pink shirt with a look of repulsion on her face, no doubt wondering how any parent could dress their child in it. "Pen, come here, you'll like this one."

She frowned at him. "You said that last time," she protested, but going over to him anyway. Shopping wasn't quite so fun now that she remembered she was still hungry.

"It's different this time."

"You said that last time, too," she reminded him.

He lifted her up when she reached his side, and he showed her the outfit that was on display on one of the mannequins. "What do you think?" he asked her. She gasped. "Did Daddy do good?"

"Daddy, I want it!" she exclaimed, looking at him with awe.

Tony looked over his shoulder at the women, pride beaming over his face. "Daddy did good," he confirmed.

\--

When they got back to Tony's apartment, she had pulled a chair up to the bathroom mirror, the legs of it scraping dangerously against the hardwood flooring of the hall, and stood up to see her reflection. Tony stood just down the hall, close enough to be able to see her but unseen by her as she admired her reflection. As she was still short her legs weren't visible in the mirror, but he could see the knee-length denim skirt, patterned with butterflies and flowers that were embroidered by the right knee. Autumn was starting to kick in, so Jenny had insisted on a pair of thick winter tights for her to wear beneath it, crème in colour. In the mirror, Penny could see her long-sleeved navy blue shirt, which had similar patterns as the skirt around the wrists and neckline. It was covered by a sleeveless jacket, which had a suede body and a faux-fur trim. As both Ziva and Jenny had insisted, no outfit was complete without a pair of shoes, which had turned out to be two new pairs. One was a pair of sneakers to replace the shabby pair she'd arrived in, and the other was a pair of black suede boots without a heel to match her new outfit.

A beautiful little girl...and her mother would never see her like this again.

"Does she know you are watching her?" Ziva asked him, as she came up to his side in the hall.

He shook his head, looking down for a moment at the shampoo bottles he was holding; the ones he was supposed to be putting away. "I've missed too much of her life already," he murmured, raising his eyes to Penny again, who was now pursing her lips as if she were getting ready to put make up on. "What happened yesterday took her innocence away...I thought I should savour every bit I see now."

She smiled at him, nudging his shoulder. "Here," she said, taking the shampoo bottles from him. "I will put these on the shelf, and you can continue your savouring," she told him, walking into the bathroom before he could even put up a fight. She went into the bathroom, Penny watching her appearance in the mirror. She stopped posing and watched as Ziva set the shampoo down on the wire shelving unit beneath the shower head. She frowned, tilting her head to one side as she looked back at herself. "Is something wrong, Penny?" Ziva asked, as she saw the little girl's intense frown.

"I dunno how to do them," she said with a huff.

"What are you trying to do?" she said, going to stand beside her. The fact that Penny was standing on the chair brought her to Ziva's shoulder height.

"A girl at the mall had her hair all twisty like you did yesterday. I can't do it," she complained.

Ziva smiled softly. "You would like a braid in your hair?" she asked. Penny nodded. "I can help with that."

Penny's eyes widened. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yes, really."

Tony watched almost fondly as Ziva finger-combed Penny's hair, separating it into three sections and then braiding it over itself. He didn't know what surprised him more; the fact that a week ago he'd never have dreamed of a scenario like this taking place in his own bathroom, or the fact that the woman who smiled gently as she braided a little girl's hair was Ziva. Of course, it wasn't that he thought Ziva wasn't capable of doing this, it was more the shock. There seemed to be two alternatives to the Mossad officer: the work orientated, dangerous and mysterious woman that he'd come to recognise as a part of his life, and the more domestic, softer side of her that she had revealed since Penny had become a part of his life.

Penny, bless her. Her mother only died the day before. Perhaps she still thought that Alicia would be coming back from the hospital, no matter how many times he had to explain to her that she wasn't. That saddened him, as he watched his partner playing with her hair in the mirror; the two of them comparing their hair. Alicia wouldn't get to see her like this any more.

Panic gripped him, but not as much as it had done over the past few days. It was more a panic for Penny. After all, what would the future hold for the two of them now? He couldn't depend on the kindness of his team forever. Jenny and Ziva wouldn't come over and remind him to go shopping, and Alicia wasn't there. She wouldn't be there on Penny's first day of school - he'd have to find a school for her, and kindergarten too. She wouldn't be there to cook dinner - which would have been a bonus, considering the mess they were making with empty pizza boxes alone. No walking into a kitchen to see Penny baking cookies with her mom - isn't that what girls did with their moms? Alicia wouldn't be there to remind him when Penny needed her hair cut - how long was too long? Who would tell him he was over reacting when Penny brought home her first boyfriend - when she was fifty, of course - and he threatened to kill the poor guy? Who would help Penny do her hair, pick out her prom dress...the sex talk, oh God, he'd have to give her the sex talk!

But Penny had a new family now, he realised, as Penny turned to Ziva on the chair and began trying to braid her hair. Ziva would later regret this, judging from the amount of knots that were already forming, but Penny had a cute look of concentration on her face as Ziva's hands - hands that had been covered in bloodshed - now guided her tiny fingers with such delicacy through the hair. He supposed that his family, his team, would be as much a part of Penny's life as he was. Gibbs would give Tony the morning off - hopefully - so that he could be there on Penny's first day at school. They'd struggle through making dinners together, but what better way to learn, right? Baking cookies...Ziva liked to cook, right? Maybe Penny would mention cooking and Ziva would offer. With so many women around NCIS he was sure someone would notice when Penny's hair needed cutting - or maybe even Penny herself would tell him. Prom dresses could be covered - more than likely with his credit card. Abby and Ziva were covering the hairstyles...

As for the boyfriend? He was sure that the women would tell him he was over reacting - but he was pretty sure that all the guys - even docile old Palmer - would join him in interrogating the unlucky boy.

"Like that?" Penny asked hopefully, securing the band at the end of Ziva's messy braid.

Ziva nodded. "Yes, exactly like that," she praised.

Penny grinned. "I'm gonna go show Auntie Jenny and Daddy my braid," she said proudly, jumping down off the chair and running into the hall - so quickly that she barrelled head first into Tony.

"Whoa, slow down there, Speedy Gonzales," he told her, steadying her before she toppled over on the hardwood floor.

"Daddy, Daddy, look!" she bounced excitedly. "Ziva did me a braid."

"Wow, that's pretty, Penny," he told her.

She grinned, and ran off again before he could say another word. Ziva stepped out of the bathroom, smiling after the little girl. "She certainly has your attention span," she teased him.

"She certainly has no career as a hairdresser," he told her, indicating the mass of tangles on one side of Ziva's head.

However, Ziva touched the braid fondly. "We all start at the bottom, Tony, before we reach the top."

"Really?" he asked her. "So, you never used to pull wings off of flies and torture baby birds as a child?"

She frowned at him. "Is that what children do in this country?" she asked.

"No," he said, when he clearly didn't understand his meaning. "Well...maybe the wings off flies part, but not the baby birds."

She shook her head slowly, listening to the faint cries of 'look what Ziva did!' coming from down the hall. "Practice makes perfect," she said, almost to herself. "I was not much older than Penny when I attended my first dance class," she remembered. "I was so nervous, all the other girls were so much prettier and much better dancers than me. I suppose the negative thinking overtook me."

"What happened?" he asked her, unable to believe that the other girls in her dance class were prettier than she was.

Her eyes glazed over, something that was always happening when she was divulging her past. "I slipped during a twirl," she admitted. "Collapsed to the ground in front of all the laughing girls, all their fathers who looked at me, glad I was not their daughter."

"What about your father?" he asked them. "Can't imagine he'd have let them do that, being Deputy Director of Mossad, and all."

"He was not there," she said, her voice soft. He only then noticed that she was looking everywhere except for his eyes. "He was never there."

He reached out his arm and put it on her shoulder, a little surprise when she didn't shove his gesture away, but instead placed her hand over his. "Ziva," he began, but she cut him off.

"If Penny chooses to dance, make sure you are there to watch her," she told him simply, as if Penny's childhood would make up for her own. "Because you are the only person she will search for in that audience, and it will break her heart if she cannot find you."

"She'll find me," he whispered, before he realised the words were toppling out of his mouth. "And so will you."

Their eyes locked, and he was about to lean in to embrace her when footsteps stampeded towards them. "Daddy, I'm still hungry!"


	14. I Don't Need Help (Making A Bed)

"So, what do you think?"

Penny looked at Tony as if he were insane.

"Well?" he prompted. "What do you think of your new bedroom?"

She silently stared into the empty room for a few moments. Tony had spent the better part of the previous evening dismantling everything in the spare room, namely his computer desk and the shelves that surrounded it. There was no room to put the shelves anywhere else, and the desk, for the moment, was crammed into one corner of the living room. The shelves, beloved shelves that he'd spent a whole weekend fixing up because he was terrible at DIY, would go back into a flat-packed state in the back of a closet until he figured out what to do with them. He supposed he could always do with more DVD shelves…

Penny, on the other hand, didn't see the room as an area for film investment. She saw a pale blue room. She saw a crème carpet. She saw a window without any curtains.

"Its very empty," she said simply.

"Well, we're going to fill it with stuff," he reminded her.

"What stuff?" she asked. "I don't got much stuff."

"You do now we've been shopping," he half mumbled under his breath. "Now, how about we put the bed over here, by the window. What do you think about that?"

She tilted her head on side. "We didn't buy a bed, Daddy."

"Yes, we did. You spent an hour jumping on it in the store, remember?"

At this titled her head to the other side, scrunching up her nose. "Where is it then?"

"It's in the box in the hall," he told her.

She stepped back into the hall, looking at the box with keen interest. "It doesn't look bed-shaped."

"That's because it's in little pieces and I'm going to put it all together," Tony told her.

"All by yourself?" she asked him. He nodded. "Can you do that?"

"Hey!" he protested. "I can make a bed!"

"Daddy, maybe you better call Uncle Gibbs for some help," she told him.

"I don't need to call him."

"But he's making a boat all by himself. He can help you make a bed."

"I don't need help making a bed."

\--

Gibbs stood outside of the house for a short while, observing it from beside the car. Of course, this was through no choice of his own; he was forced to wait on the edge of the sidewalk while McGee struggled with his seatbelt. He would trust his life to his youngest 'probie' agent, but for all his brains there was sometimes a lack of common sense, and a definite divide between him and the rest of the world, that made him want to double the force behind his head slaps. So, while he was forced to wait, he looked up at the house before him.

It didn't give off first impressions of a house that had imprisoned a child, although they rarely did, he remembered. Almost a replica of the houses surrounding it, it looked as if it were nothing more than a house. Not a prison. But it had been a prison, if not one with bars. His eyes caught a particular window, not sure why he was drawn to this one, but he could imagine the darkened eyes of a frightened child looking from that window, wondering when she'd next get to go outside. That frightened child was a DiNozzo, Tony' s daughter. It was probably why the hurt eyes he pictured were the same ones he saw on his senior agent whenever Tony's father came up in conversation. Tony and Penny. Father and daughter. Two innocent children who had been neglected by the people who were supposed to love them; their families.

At least they had each other now, he thought, as McGee finally managed to clamber out of the car. He stood beside Gibbs, looking up at the house. "Is this it?" he asked.

Gibbs just stared at him.

"Right, of course it is," McGee realised. "Are we going in?"

"No, McGee, we're going to wait for them to notice us and invite us in for tea."

"Right," McGee repeated, looking down at the sidewalk for a moment. "Of course, we're going in."

"You think?"

Gibbs walked up the front path, pausing on the step before he knocked. This was DiNozzo's daughter. One of his team's children. Penny had been mistreated her. Neglected. He fought back a shudder as he remembered the marks Tony and Ziva had described to him, angry bruises and red lines that tainted her skin. She'd been abused here. She'd been hurt. Beaten. Traumatised for life, probably. So, when he knocked, he made damn sure that he knocked hard.

An aging woman opened the door. "Mrs. Deirdre Ryan?" Gibbs asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "Who wants to know?"

They flashed their badges. "Special Agents Gibbs and McGee. NCIS."

"NCIS," she repeated, testing the word on her tongue. "You're here because of the girl."

"You've been expecting us, good," Gibbs said. "May we come in?"

She turned on her heel, walking into the house but not closing the door. "If you're anything like that DiNozzo boy, you won't take no for an answer," she said as she walked away from them.

They followed her, McGee closing the door behind them. They found themselves in a living room, and Deirdre was now sat down beside a similarly aged man. "My husband, Alan," Deirdre introduced simply, before turning to the man in question. "Navy cops, here about the girl."

"Alan Ryan?"

"That's me," he said, not looking particularly bothered about two federal agents interrupting his television programme.

"Special Agents Gibbs and McGee," Gibbs introduced again. "We'd like to ask you a few questions about your granddaughter."

"Would you now?" he asked.

"No, actually," Gibbs said. "What I'd really like to do is lock you up and throw away the key for the damage you did to that little girl, but my boss keeps reminding me to ask the questions first."

Now, that had Alan's attention. He turned away from the television screen completely. "If you're gonna go accusing me of hurting a little girl, you'd better start at the top and tell me why," he told them.

"You kept a three year old girl locked in a bedroom," Gibbs said simply. "Her mother was dying in hospital and she hadn't seen her in weeks."

"Is that a crime?"

"I didn't say it was. But if you want to talk crimes, then I'm more than happy to arrest you over the evidence of physical abuse we found on her."

"The girl was misbehaving," Deirdre said defensively. "It was discipline."

"Not in that magnitude," Gibbs told her.

"Well you're Navy cops, right?" Alan said. "I ain't hurt no marines, so you can't arrest me."

"No, you haven't hurt a marine," Gibbs told him simply. "But Penny's father is one of my agents, and his family is entitled to NCIS investigations as much as a marine."

"I'm getting the third degree because Alicia's good for nothing boyfriend decides to be responsible for once?"

"Mr. Ryan, when was the last time you saw your daughter?" Gibbs asked him, taking the focus away from Tony.

He sat back in his chair again, thinking about this for a moment. "Now, you gotta understand that me and 'Lish weren't on good talking terms-"

"When, Mr. Ryan."

"She kept calling every day, asking to see her girl, but seeing her? Not since she dropped Penny off last month."

"You're aware that she has a serious illness?" McGee asked.

"Yeah, I know about the cancer," he said.

"Alicia Ryan passed away this week, did you know that as well?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes," Alan said. His voice changing. "Yes, I know she's dead." He stood up, revealing himself to be at least half a foot taller than Gibbs, although it was still questionable as to who was more intimidating - the special agent, or the grieving, yet absent and abusive father. "I want you feds out of my house, now."

"We'll leave, Mr. Ryan," Gibbs said. "But you're coming with us."

"Excuse me?"

"McGee," Gibbs prompted.

"Alan and Deirdre Ryan, we're arresting you in connection with child neglect and abuse…"

\--

An hour later, Penny stood in the doorway still, watching Tony with a large smile on her face. "You think this is funny, don't you?" Tony accused her. Grinning behind her teddy bear, which she clutched ever faithfully to her chest, she nodded. "It's not funny."

"Yeah, it is," she laughed.

"No, it's not."

"Is."

"Not."

"Is."

"Not."

"Is times forever," she shot at him suddenly.

He looked at her, realising from the triumphant expression on her face that he couldn't argue with 'is times forever'. Instead, he grumbled, going back to the instructions. "It's so not funny."

"Daddy," Penny said. He looked up, seeing her walking towards him with something in her hands. He smiled sadly at her, remembering how Alicia had done the same thing to him once when she'd watched him brutally attempt to put up a shelf in her dorm room. Penny, on the other hand, didn't take hold of the instructions and show him how to do it properly. Instead, she pressed his cell phone into his hand. "I think you better call Uncle Gibbs now."

He smiled at her, ruffling her hair. She'd wanted pigtails that morning but had to make do with her hair hanging over her shoulders, as neither Ziva nor Abby were there to do it for her, and Daddy was a bigger disaster with hair than he was with DIY. "I think you're right, kid."

\--

Gibbs took one look at the unstructured bed on the floor and almost cringed. Already there was sawdust and nut bolts all over the carpet - God only knew how. "What did you do, DiNozzo?"

Tony looked hurt at Gibbs' tone of voice and exchanged a look with Penny, who giggled at him. "I just took it out of the box, boss," he said simply.

"And you played with it too," Penny reminded him, despite Tony pressing his finger against her lips in an attempt to silence her.

"You 'played with it'?" Gibbs questioned, turning away from the woodwork mess on the ground.

"I just…tried to make the bed…" he explained vaguely.

"With a hammer," Penny added.

"DiNozzo!"

"Yes, boss?"

"…go put a movie on for Penny. Then get your ass back in here and learn how to put a bed together."

Building the bed had been quite easy in comparison to making up the remainder of the bedroom. The chest of drawers had been more complicated, and Tony was sure he'd never lifted anything as heavy as the mattress Penny had chosen 'because it was bounciest'. Weren't you meant to discourage kids from bouncing on beds? He remembered breaking his arm by doing that once. He'd been thirteen, trying to argue against his father by acting like a child. He lost the argument, to say the least, and that was how he ended up sitting in the emergency room with his next door neighbours babysitter instead of his father.

After the furniture had been made, it was time to break out the paint. Penny had chosen for her new bedroom to be lilac. He was glad of that, girly, but not girly enough that Ziva would forever tease him for being covered in pink paint. He knew that she wasn't there, but it wouldn't surprise him if she'd left some kind of spy surveillance to check up on him. Penny had wanted to join them for the painting, so, with Gibbs being the one who pulled her hair back and secured it with a hair band, something Tony chose not to question, she had been given her very own paint brush. Her new clothes wouldn't get stained either, seeing as Tony had given her one of his NCIS t-shirts to cover her. It gathered on the ground beneath her, but that meant he also wouldn't be under stress getting lilac paint out of her new favourite socks, either.

"How are you?" Gibbs suddenly asked, when Penny went over and pressed all the buttons on Tony's portable radio, searching for 'good songs'.

Tony was a little taken aback at this, but gathered himself quickly. "I'm doing okay," he said simply.

"Can I believe you on that one?"

Tony looked over at Penny, who decided on a radio station and then went back to painting the corner of the room by the window. The look of concentration on her face was undeniably adorable. The determination to not touch the other wall, even though it was going to be painted the same colour anyway, was something that brought to mind a more advanced image; concentrating on homework. In a few years, she'd be in school, and it definitely wouldn't be long until he'd have to start thinking about kindergartens for her. She'd be getting homework…was he going to be able to sit and help her with that, or was she going to be like him, hiding away her bad grades at the bottom of her bag and forging his signature to evade trouble?

"How do you get to be a good father?" Tony asked his mentor.

Gibbs, instead of answering his question, laughed. "That's what you're worried about?" he asked.

Tony looked at him strangely. "I kinda thought it was a big deal."

He turned serious. "I can't tell you how to be a good father, DiNozzo," he said, looking away from the wall he was painting to where Penny was now standing back to admire her work. "You learn it from her."

\--

Hours later, when Gibbs had gone home, Tony and Penny stood in the doorway for a third time that day. This time, they were admiring their handiwork. Beneath the window stood a bed, with a lilac and pink bed cover, covered almost completely by the array of stuffed animals that they'd bought the day before. Taking prize position on her pillow though, was her favourite. The chest of drawers stood beside a wardrobe, not completely filled with clothes but holding enough to get her by for now. No doubt she'd grow into her female state of mind and learn to love clothes shopping no matter how boring it was or how long it too. Beside the bed was a small set of shelves, holding her books (many, many books), and the children's movies that she'd brought on the small amount of time Tony had been allowed in a movie store when they were shopping.

But something was missing, Penny knew.

She turned on her heel, and went down the hall to Tony's bedroom. He frowned, watching her leave. After a few moments she came back, dragging the old rucksack that he'd first brought her home with. She put it down in the centre of her new bedroom and began to dig through it as it still contained some of her old clothes. She resurfaced with a photograph frame, only a small one, and she looked at it for a while.

"What's that, Penny?" Tony asked, having not seen this before.

Penny was silent, and put the photograph frame on the bedside table next to the lamp. "Now it's a perfect bedroom," she announced. "What's for dinner?"

But while Penny tugged on his hand to try and manoeuvre him into the kitchen, he stared at the photo frame, where the sparkling eyes of Alicia Ryan looked back at him.


	15. I Will Destroy You

Tomorrow was marked with a big red circle on the calendar. To no surprise, it singular line was shaky, almost weaving off course as it joined with the beginning, but this was not done by a child's hand. No, it was Tony's hand that trembled as he marked the day as Alicia's funeral. He'd forced himself to eat his breakfast, especially when Penny was questioning why he wasn't, but he couldn't take his eyes away from the looming red circle. Inside it were words he'd never forget…13:00...Alicia's Funeral. He'd been tempted to write 'for the love of God, DiNozzo, don't you dare show up late' underneath it, but it wouldn't have fit in the tiny square space on the calendar…the calendar he'd only brought recently because Penny had wanted to count down until Christmas already. At this time of year, he'd only been able to find one with some upstate landscapes on, but still, it had Christmas marked on it, which kept Penny happy.

What didn't keep Penny happy, however, was sitting indoors and thinking about what tomorrow was. It's a chance to say goodbye to mommy, he'd explained to her. A chance to say whatever you want to her, a chance to remember her. But mostly, a chance to say goodbye. She hadn't liked this idea. She didn't want to say goodbye. When he'd told her, she'd frowned at him, cocking her head as she always did when she was confused. 'Why do we have to say goodbye?' she'd asked him. It was with a heavy heart that he realised that she still thought Alicia would come back to her one day.

Sitting indoors wasn't helping either of them. So, on the morning before the funeral, when he knew that he'd be doing nothing more than climbing the walls trying to find a way to do this without upsetting Penny and himself even more than they already had been, he gathered her sweater (just in case, as it was windy outside), helped her with her shoes, and off they went in the car.

Or rather, off they went to NCIS.

This was a good idea, he decided. If he stayed at home he'd get even more nervous, and Penny would surely notice. The last thing he needed was for his anxiety about the situation to pass onto her. He told himself that going to see everyone was a distraction for her, but he knew that it was conveniently distracting for himself as well.

Their first stop was the lab, seeing as Penny had demanded pigtails that morning and Tony, of course, was hopeless at doing anything with any hair other than his own. He could brush it, but that was about it. It felt strange as he stood in the elevator, gently playing with the visitors badge that he wore. He screwed his nose up at it; this strange badge that would prevent him working, and half-smiled when he noticed Penny doing the exact same thing out of the corner of her eye. She didn't question why she had to wear it when she'd never needed one before, but she certainly wasn't thrilled with it being clipped into her favourite lilac t-shirt.

They arrived in the lab with almost-burst eardrums. Abby was oblivious to their presence because of the volume of her music, and Penny stood with her hands covering her ears until Tony turned it down. Abby whipped around from her desk, ready to project Hell onto whoever dared touch her music until she saw who it was. Her face split into a grin, and she ran towards Tony, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Tony! You're back!"

He patted her back before half-heartedly trying to remove her arms. He was finding it a little difficult to breathe. "Hey, Abs."

"And Penny!" Abby declared, as she pulled back from Tony and lifted Penny up onto her hip. "I missed you."

"We need a favour," Tony explained.

"And what can I do for you this morning?" she asked them.

Penny held up two hair bands to Abby; lilac to match her top. "Daddy can't do pigtails yet," she told her.

Abby didn't look surprised by this. "Of course he can't. Not as good as me." Penny giggled. "Oh, I almost forgot. I've got a present for you."

Penny's eyes widened. "For me? Really?"

"Yeah, it's in my top desk drawer," Abby told her, setting her down on the ground again. "Why don't you go and find it?"

As Penny rushed off to Abby's desk, the forensics Goth turned her attention back to the child's father. Tony watched the excitement on Penny's face when she reached Abby's desk and climbed onto the chair. "You didn't have to buy her a present, Abs."

"Yeah, I did!" she protested. "I was going to come shopping with you guys but something came up last minute and I had to kick it back here. How are you two doing?"

Tony sighed. "She's still missing her mom, but she's smiling more."

Abby put a hand on the top of his arm, lowering her voice. "I'm so sorry, Tony…"

"It's okay," he assured her, forcing a smile. "We're…we're getting there. We're making progress. Which is good, right?"

She smiled at him, her pigtails swinging as she nodded. "Do you need a hug?"

He looked at her sceptically. "My answer isn't going to change the fact that you're going to hug me, is it?"

"No," she said, before hugging him tightly again. She held him like that for a while, just before his face turned purple with the force of the hug, and then pulled back, looking him directly in the eye. "Are you all right?" she asked him.

Sadly, he looked down at the ground, paying close attention to his shoes. "No, I'm not all right, Abs." She looked a bit dejected at his answer, and he nudged her shoulder with his own. "But I will be," he assured her. "I've got Penny, and she makes me smile and laugh every day even though she's sadder than I am. We're getting there."

"You look exhausted," she pointed out. "Are you sleeping okay?" He was silent, just giving her a look. "Tony!" she scolded.

"I can't help it," he explained. "I spend half the night worrying about everything and the other half trying to get to sleep, only I can't because Penny kicks me in her sleep."

Abby looked confused. "Gibbs told me yesterday that she had her own bed now."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't think that come morning," he told her.

"Midnight sneaking?" she asked with a smirk.

"Three a.m. sneaking," he corrected. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Abs. I do all the stuff they do in movies…the glass of warm milk, the stories before bedtime, I tucked her in…but she still crawled back in with me."

Abby shrugged at him as if the reason were obvious. "Well, the past few weeks have been hard for her, and you were there."

"Meaning?" he probed, not seeing the real reason of her answer.

"Tony, she's always going to have her first memory of her father as you being the man who charged in and rescued her. So, when she wakes up in a new bed in the middle of the night she's going to want the familiarity of her dad."

He nodded slowly. "I guess so."

"Daddy, look!" Penny cried with excitement as she ran back over to the pair, holding up her gift for him to see.

He found himself looking at a small purple hippo…something that he'd seen before. Only this was not Bert. This definitely wasn't Abby's Bert. But it had the same spiked collar and lilac furred skin. Not to his surprise, when Penny squeezed it, it made a farting noise. "I should have seen that one coming, really," he realised.

"Well, she's too old for me to knit booties for her," Abby pointed out, as if the natural thing one did after knitting booties was making farting animals.

Tony looked at her. "You knit?"

"Well…no," she said. "That's why I made the hippo."

\--

Tony waited for Penny to finish having her hair tied up, and then Abby announced that she needed him to send McGee down to her. He chose not to question it, after all, he was sure the Probie was doing some probing of a different kind with their resident Goth; and while this made him feel like a protective older brother on Abby's behalf, he knew that McGee wasn't the type of guy who was going to run off and hurt her…mainly because Abby had the means and the dedication to hunt him down and bind him in chains to her wall for the rest of his life. No sooner had the elevator doors opened, they found McGee standing before them, a caff-pow in his hands.

"Probie."

"Tony," he frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting," he said simply. "Abby wants to see you down in the lab."

Again, he frowned. "She does? What about?"

Tony shrugged. "No idea. Didn't say."

"Uh…okay." He stepped into the elevator, and as Tony and Penny left, he caught sight off the little girl. "Hi, Penny," he said to her.

Penny looked up at him and smiled. "Hi, Uncle Probie."

McGee rolled his eyes. "You know, Penny, you can call me Tim if you like. Abby and Ziva do."

Penny shook her head. "Ziva calls you 'mugee'," she corrected him.

"Well…Abby calls me Tim. Lots of people call me Tim."

Penny tilted her head to one side. "Daddy said your name is Probie."

"It isn't my name."

"Then why does he call you that?"

McGee was left in a stunned silence as the elevator doors closed, sending him on his way down to the lab. Penny just giggled and skipped ahead of Tony into the bullpen. She found Ziva sitting at her desk and stood on her tip-toes so that she could see over the top of the desk.

"Hi, Ziva," she chirped.

Ziva looked up from her computer, and smiled at Penny. "Shalom, Penny. What are you doing here?"

"We're 'visitin'," she said, copying what Tony had told McGee.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah," Penny nodded. "We went to see Auntie Abby and she did my pigtails for me," she said, moving her head so her pigtails swung.

Ziva smiled. "I did not think that your father would have learned so fast."

"No," Penny giggled. "He needed help from Auntie Abby."

Tony stood on the edge of the bullpen, watching his daughter's enthusiasm for seeing Ziva. He loved that his partner got on so well with Penny, especially considering the amount of time they spent together, but this was the first time he had seen Ziva since he'd leaned in dangerously close in his hallway. Ever since then, he'd been losing sleep over his constant wonderings…was he actually going to kiss her? Did that mean he wanted to kiss her?

"Hello, Tony," Ziva greeted, snapping him out of his daze.

"Hey," he said, a little awkwardly. "Where's Gibbs?"

"Questioning a suspect," she told him.

Tony looked confused. "Abby said you guys didn't have a case."

"We don't."

"Then who is he questioning?"

Ziva's eyes flickered to Penny for a moment, and then back to Tony. "I believe Gibbs would be the best person to ask about it."

"Ah, right," Tony brushed off, sitting himself on the edge of Ziva's desk. "So, how is it working without me?" he teased her.

"Oh, it is horrible," she told him with a groan. "People are being professional, work is being done…"

"So you don't understand most American idioms but you do understand sarcasm?" he asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"I think you will find that sarcasm is a universal language," she pointed out.

"Daddy, I'm thirsty!" Penny complained from beside him.

"Okay, uh…let's get a drink," he said, getting off of Ziva's desk and leading her over to the water cooler.

As Tony left, Gibbs came back looking rather satisfied, but at the same time extremely pissed off. He noticed Tony, and looked to Ziva. "Did you tell him?" he asked her.

She shook her head, watching the pair. "No, but he asked."

\--

Down in the lab, McGee instantly noticed that something was wrong. He stayed in the doorway, looking around him warily, half-expecting to see Abby having a nervous breakdown underneath her desk. Instead, she came out of the ballistics lab with a cheery smile.

"Hi, McGee."

He looked at her suspiciously. "Something's wrong."

She shook her head. "What makes you think that?"

"No music. It's…very quiet."

"Oh, that," she brushed off. "I just felt like some peace and quiet today."

This raised his suspicions even more. "Something's very wrong."

"Nothing's wrong, McGee."

He decided not to push it, and handed her the caff-pow. "I brought you a caff-pow."

She looked at it, and took it from him. After a second of deliberating it, she set it aside on the table. "Uh…no thanks, McGee."

This time, his eyes widened. "Abby, are you sick?"

She was taken aback. "What?"

"No music…no caff-pows…are you sick or something?"

"Uh…something," she said.

"What?"

"I'm not sick, but I'm definitely something," she told him.

He frowned. "Abby, you're confusing me here. A lot."

She bit her lip, and lead him over to her desk. She sat him down on her chair and then proceeded to stand before him, wringing her hands. "Timmy…you like kids, don't you?"

"Yeah, I like kids," he said innocently. "Is this something to do with Penny turning up?"

"No. Not really."

"Well then, what is this about?" he asked her.

"I just…wanted to know what you thought…about kids…" she trailed off.

"You mean, having them?" he pried.

"Yeah," she said, glad that they were on the same mind track, at least for the moment. "One day…maybe…in the far off distant future." Not that less than nine months was far off in the distant future, of course.

"Well, that would be great," he said, half-stuttering over the words.

No sooner had he spoken, Abby blurted out what she had to say. "Good, because I'm pregnant," she said quickly.

McGee say there in silence, staring at her. His eyes were blank, his jaw was hanging slack, and she was pretty sure that if she'd knocked on his forehead she'd have heard his brain rattling, trying to process the news she'd just given him. However, three minutes without any reaction whatsoever was drawing the line for her.

"uh…Timmy…I kinda need you to say something."

"Gibbs is going to kill me," he said, still motionless.

Abby looked confused. "That's not what I was thinking…"

"He's actually going to kill me," he continued, as if he hadn't heard her. "And he's going to get you to cover it up for him. Oh my God, maybe he'll dump my body using his boat. That's why he's been building it. He's been waiting for me or DiNozzo to screw up. I just always assumed it would be Tony…"

Abby cut off his rambling. "McGee!" He looked up at her, shaking himself. "Gibbs already knows."

Horrified, he almost fell out of the chair. "What?!"

"He already knows," she repeated. "He kinda knew before I knew."

"Why does that not surprise me?" he groaned.

"Because he's Gibbs," she shrugged. "But that's not the point. The point is that I'm pregnant. And it's yours, of course. I'm not that kind of girl. I uh…I've been to the doctor, everything's fine. Ziva made me go…"

"Ziva knows?" he asked.

"Well yeah, I had to tell Ziva," she said simply.

"Before me?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's like the girls code of honour."

"Gibbs and Ziva knew before me?" he repeated, trying to figure out how many other people Abby had told before him.

"Tony and Ducky don't know yet," she said optimistically. "Unless Gibbs told Ducky or Ziva told Tony. I don't think Tony knows though, otherwise the entire building would know."

"Great, I feel so much better," McGee grumbled.

"McGee, will you focus here!" Abby told him. "This isn't about who knows. This is about us…and a baby. Our baby. You, Timothy McGee, are going to be a father."

"Oh my God…" he said slowly, as Abby's words sunk in. "I am…I'm going to be a father."

"So?" Abby asked hopefully. "Does this mean you're…like, happy about this?"

"Of course, I am!" he told her, jumping to his feet. "Abby, this is great news," he assured her, putting his hands on her hips.

"Good," she said, releasing a relieved breath.

He frowned. "Were you that worried about telling me?"

She nodded. "To the point where if you wanted nothing to do with this I was going to borrow Gibbs' boat and get rid of you myself."

He looked rather worried. Actually afraid. "You don't really mean that, do you?" he checked, stumbling over the words.

She smiled at him, covering over her intentions with innocence as she always did. "I guess you'll never have to find out now."

\--

Back up in the bullpen, Tony came back over with Penny on his hip, helping her balance a cup of water in her hands. Seeing that Gibbs was back, he went over to the desk. "Hey, boss."

Gibbs didn't even look away from his computer screen. "If you're not visiting…"

"Don't worry, we are," Tony told him. "No working."

"Not that that's a change," Gibbs pointed out.

"Hey!" Tony protested. "I work…"

Gibbs looked over at Ziva, standing up. "Ziva, can you watch Penny for a second? I need a word with DiNozzo in private."

Tony set Penny down on the ground at Ziva's approval, and followed Gibbs over to the window. He stood there silently for a moment until Tony spoke. "Something wrong, boss?" he asked.

"Penny's grandparents are being charged with child negligence," he told Tony, keeping his eyes focused on the agent before him.

Tony was stunned, and then shook himself. "Whoa, wait. Rewind. What?"

"McGee and I brought them in yesterday morning. They'll receive sentencing tomorrow."

Tony seemed more pissed off than anything. "You went to bring them in? Without me?"

"Yes," Gibbs nodded, drinking some of his coffee.

"I'm Penny's father. I had a right to be there," he said.

"You are on grievance leave, DiNozzo. You're not authorised to work any cases," Gibbs reminded him.

"This isn't just a case, boss,"

"Which is why I couldn't have you there," he told him. Tony's eyes were questioning, and Gibbs stared him down. "Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't have taken one look at the man who did that to your daughter and managed to keep your hand off your weapon?" Tony looked away, his silence explaining everything. "That's why."

Tony sighed, running his hand through his hair. "They're being charged?"

"Yes."

"Tomorrow."

"Yes."

Tony looked over his shoulder, making sure that they were out of earshot of Penny. When he was content that she was happily chatting away to Ziva, he looked back at Gibbs. "It's Alicia's funeral tomorrow."

"Do you really think they were planning on attending?" he asked him. Tony was silent, filled with rage when he realised that the Ryan's probably hadn't considered attending the burial of Alicia. "Are you going alone to the service tomorrow?" Gibbs asked, his tone softer.

Tony looked over at Penny, watching her rather than having to suffer his boss' stare. "Jenny arranged it all."

"That's not what I asked you, DiNozzo."

He shrugged. "There's no one else to ask, Gibbs. A few of her friends from college will be there, but I couldn't get in contact with many. Most of Alicia's friends went off travelling and are still somewhere in Africa."

"It's a hard thing to do alone, Tony."

"I won't be alone," he said lightly "I've got Penny."

Gibbs continued to watch him, even though Tony's eyes were firmly planted on his daughter. "What time is the service?"

"1300."

Gibbs nodded. "I'll pick you two up at 1230."

Tony whipped his head round, stunned. "You want to come?"

"Like I said, it's a hard thing to do alone," he justified.

"Uh…thanks, boss," he said, tripping over his words.

"Now, go take that girl home before I tear up that visitors badge and give you some work to do," Gibbs instructed him, before heading towards the Director's office.

Tony nodded after him and went over to Ziva's desk. Penny didn't even look up from her conversation about her new bedroom until he spoke. "Come on, Princess, we better go."

She swung her legs on the edge of the desk, pouting at him. "But I wanna stay with Ziva…"

"Ziva has to work," he told her.

"But Daddy…" she whined.

"We'll see her soon, I promise," he assured her, not wanting her to have a full-blown breakdown in the middle of NCIS.

Ziva leaned forwards on the desk. "Actually, Tony, I was meaning to ask you a favour."

He nodded. "After what you've done for me and Penny, I owe you one."

"The power is out in my apartment for the evening…"

At this, he fell into the old DiNozzo routine, leaning on the edge of her desk. "Want me to bring over some candles?"

"No," she smirked. "I was wondering if I could get ready at your apartment?"

"Get ready?" he questioned. "For what?"

"Adam," she said simply.

Tony nodded. "He's back today."

"He is taking me for dinner tonight, but as the power is out…"

Even though he hated the idea of her getting ready for Adam, he nodded. "No, of course, that's fine. Just come over when you're done here," he assured her.

"Thank you."

"No problem." He looked at Penny, helping her off of the desk. "See, kiddo, you'll get to see her later."

"Bye, Ziva."

"Goodbye, Penny."

Tony looked at Ziva, as Penny took hold of his hand. "Any idea what time you're finishing?" he asked her.

"Midnight, if you don't leave now and let her work," Gibbs said as he walked back into the bullpen.

"Right, okay," Tony said, quickly making himself scarce. "See you later."

\--

Tony sat at the dining table with Penny beside him. They were only having fish sticks and fries for dinner, but Ziva had still declined their offer of any food because of her intended dinner with Adam. At the moment, she'd been in the bathroom for over an hour getting ready. Somehow, Tony never thought that she'd be the kind of girl who took that long to get ready, but apparently even Mossad ninjas needed hours to make themselves look their best. Not that he thought Ziva needed it of course. He'd take her out for dinner even if she were just wearing sweat pants and an old t-shirt. In fact, he'd take her out in her pyjamas…providing she wore them, of course.

"So, how do I look?"

Penny and Tony both looked up from their dinner, yet with different reactions. Penny's face lit up in a grin and she clapped her hands together. "You look like a princess, Ziva," she told her.

"Thank you, Penny," she smiled, before looking to Tony for his approval.

He took in the image before him…Ziva standing in his living room…the absolutely radiant beauty that he'd never get to have for his own. It hurt to know that she wasn't dressed up like this for him, but she looked happy, and if Adam made her happy he was going to have to accept that. However…if Adam didn't appreciate how amazing she looked then he'd have to have some seriously bruising words about appreciating women.

She wore a deep green dress, not unlike the one she'd worn when they were under cover as Jean-Paul and Sophie Ranier. He remembered that dress well…he'd had a number of arguable disturbing dreams about removing that infamous dress many more times than the one time he had done. He didn't know what made him more uncomfortable, the fact that he could so clearly remember every inch of her body when it had been revealed to him over two years ago now, or the fact that there was very little of it that wasn't on show right now for Adam to see. Not that it was a tasteless dress, mind you. The neckline wasn't revealing and the skirt fell to her calf. It was only when she turned to give him a complete view that he realised that almost her entire back was on show. But it wasn't smutty. It wasn't the sort of dress that he'd find himself chasing in a bar. No, he was drawn to this image before him for a different reason. For such a simple dress with a simple design…she looked absolutely breathtaking.

But she wasn't going out with him looking like that. Adam was offering her a classy dinner at a fancy restaurant that night. He'd offered her fish sticks and French fries.

Yeah, he didn't stand a chance.

"You look great," he told her, giving her the nod of approval she was waiting for.

"Honestly?" she asked him, looking at her hair in the mirror. She had it all up, swept into a clasp at the top of her neck. He preferred her hair down, hanging over her back. He could almost imagine it now, sweeping over the bare skin that was on show…he'd loved running his fingers through her hair when they were undercover. Her hair was always soft, so thick and full of vibrancy. He couldn't remember ever appreciating a woman's hair like he had done on that night undercover. "You are not just saying this to make me leave your apartment faster?"

Tony got up from the dining table and made his way towards her. He took his time, not bothering to cover the fact that he was looking her up and down. She immediately noticed the difference in his expression, though. She'd seen him admire many women, whether they were investigating a case or just meeting in the bar after work, but she hadn't seen that expression before. The eyes that traced the length of her body were not his bedroom eyes, not eyes that wanted to lure her into a dark space and lock the door until they were both exhausted. No, those eyes craved something more. Something simpler, yet all the more disappointing to not receive.

"No, really," he assured her, when he was standing before her, his hands in his pockets so that he could guarantee himself they weren't going to reach out and touch that bare skin on her back or run his fingers through that gorgeous hair. If she were going out with him that night he'd have taken that hair clasp and thrown it across the room, letting her curls tumble over her shoulders, but she was going out with Adam, so he allowed her to hide one of her most alluring traits from him. "You look…beautiful."

She smiled softly at him, trying to ignore the way he was looking at her. "Thank you."

He rose his eyes to hers, holding her gaze steady for a moment. His eyes had rarely held anything other than sorrow and hurt for weeks now, and she was pleased to see that there was something other than pain holding him. However, while she loved to see a man admiring her with such dedication, such adoration, it was awkward for it to come from someone who was clearly not her lover. Tony was her partner, and they were friends. Adam would be here any second to take her away from him…

The door knocked, rather conveniently, causing them to break apart. Their eye contact, that dangerously close eye contact, was broken, and Tony headed towards the door. "You go and get your things together, I'll get the door," he offered.

"Tony…" she started, still standing in place. He turned to her, and his expression could have fooled her that none of the past few minutes of staring had happened. She took a breath and removed the moment from her mind as well. "Be nice," she warned.

"I am nice," he defended.

"I mean it," she backed up.

She disappeared down the hall, no doubt back into the bathroom, and Tony was left to answer the door. To no surprise, Adam was standing there. Tony resisted the urge to slam the door straight away. Adam was one of those sickeningly handsome men…strong features and morals to match…the sort of man that women everywhere think had been carved by angels. The sort of man that made men like Tony feel like failures, effective. Naturally, Ziva had fallen for this, which had made Tony's hatred for him fuel even more.

"Agent DiNozzo," Adam said stiffly.

"Lieutenant Gellar," he replied in the same tone.

No men made to move, and just continued to stare one another down in hall. "Is Ziva ready?" Adam asked.

"Almost," Tony confirmed, still not backing his gaze done.

"I see we're not on first name terms yet," Adam noticed.

"It's not me you're dating," Tony pointed out.

"Let me guess, you hate me on principle."

"Something like that," Tony nodded.

"Tony!" Ziva hissed from inside the apartment. "Be nice!"

He turned, seeing her wandering through the hall barefoot. "Are you ready?" he asked her.

"Yes, I am just fetching my shoes," she told him.

Tony turned back to Adam, keeping his voice low so that Ziva wouldn't be able to hear him. "If you hurt her, I will destroy you," he threatened simply.

"Ziva's a strong woman," Adam said confidently. "She doesn't need the likes of you looking out for her."

Naturally, Ziva appeared beside him in the doorway before Tony could act on his impulse to hit the smarmy bastard. "Adam," she said simply, as she looked upon the man she had not seen for months.

Tony could only watch as Adam whisked her into his arms, obviously pleased to see her after so long at sea. Ziva said her goodbyes to Tony, and called through a goodbye to Penny as well, but neither of them had much time to return her words.

That night, Tony lay away for a long time. As the power was still out in Ziva's apartment he'd offered her his bed for the night, even promising to be good and sleep on the couch. She'd told him that she would be fine, but promised him in return that if she found herself in trouble of a place to stay, she would come back. It was at two in the morning, when Penny crawled into his bed half-asleep and muttering tiredly about unicorns, that Tony realised that Ziva wasn't coming back. In turn, he soon realised where she would have ended up staying.

Adam's.

What made matters worse was finding out how much this bothered him.


	16. The Scar's Always There

Tony stood before the mirror in the hall, looking at his reflection. He'd never had a problem wearing a suit before, but this tux was nowhere near as comfortable as it had been when he'd worn it to the last work Christmas party. The collar was choking him so much he'd started to wonder when this designer had started lacing them with a noose. Beside him, Penny clung to his leg, looking at herself. Unlike him, she wasn't wearing black. Alicia had been very firm on the fact that she should be able to wear whatever she wanted to the funeral, and she hadn't got any black clothes anyway. Tony had made a convenient point of avoiding them when they were taken shopping by Jenny and Ziva. Instead, she was wearing a blue Disney princess dress…Cinderella, she had informed him that morning. In fact, that was more or less the only words she'd spoken to him. It was baby blue in colour, covered in places with glitter. When she rubbed the dress against his suit it was leaving faint traces of sparkles, but he made no move to brush them away.

He swallowed a lump in his throat as he watched her; so fragile, so broken…his fragile, broken princess. "Do you want pigtails today?" he asked her.

She shook her head against his leg.

"Okay, shall we just leave your hair down?" he asked, running his fingers through the bottoms of it.

She nodded, still trying to stare down her reflection.

He stroked her hair down. "Don't worry, okay? It's going to be okay."

She didn't react to his words, and he stood there, tracing his hands through her hair until Gibbs was standing in the hall with them. "It's time to go," he told them quietly.

Tony nodded, looking down at Penny. "Time to go," he repeated.

\--

He found himself staring straight ahead with mixed emotions. There, on a raised platform before him, was Alicia's white coffin. Part of him wanted to laugh at this. There was no way that was Alicia in there. She was claustrophobic. He remembered that from college, junior year, when he'd got drunk and accidentally locked them in a closet together. She wouldn't sit still a coffin, right? The other part of him wanted to break down, to run away. He didn't want to face up to reality. Today meant that she was never coming back. Today marked the end more than her actual death did.

Explaining the white box to Penny had been harder than accepting it himself. When he told her that Alicia was inside of it, she'd broken away from him and run towards it. He'd followed her, but not before she'd had the chance to try and lift the coffin lid. She wanted to get to her mother. So close to her, yet further away than ever. The lid was too heavy for her to lift, and she'd collapsed into tears; noisy, angry sobs that had Tony welling up himself. This is why he had been glad he'd opted for a closed casket at the funeral. He could hardly imagine how difficult this would be for Penny if she'd actually been able to see her mother's face again. He'd had a nightmare about her trying to climb into the coffin with Alicia.

As she sobbed to Tony that her mother would be scared in the dark all alone, Tony had led her to the front pew, sitting her down in his arms. She buried her face in his neck and he rocked her, stroking her hair, but there was nothing he could say or do that would make this all right, not today. Not today. Gibbs took a place beside them, and he sat silently, more like a pillar of strength than comfort.

Tony watched as, just before the service began, a few girls walked in and sat down in the pews on the other side. None of them gave Tony or Penny any recognition. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't go through with this, boss," he said, almost glad that Penny's sobbing into his neck meant that she wouldn't hear his words.

"Yes, you can," Gibbs said simply.

"I hate that people expect me to be brave," he said, his words aggressive, but sounding like a scared little boy all the same.

"No one's expecting that of you."

"I'm scared shitless, Gibbs."

Gibbs looked at Tony, seeing a reflection of Penny in his eyes. He'd buried friends and coworkers before, but he'd never seen him so cut up at a funeral service. Not even at Kate's. He'd seen him break down after Kate's funeral and almost break his hand on a wall, but never had he seen his agent in such an emotional wreck. This time, the funeral was different, the goodbye was different…this time, he had someone who needed him to be strong. Someone who would need him forever, but at the same time still needed the woman who they were saying goodbye to. "I know. But you can do this."

"I don't want to," Tony said, shaking his head before he pressed it against Penny's hair. He turned it to the side so that he was facing in Gibbs' direction, but had his eyes firmly on the coffin before them. "I don't want to do this to her. Why did this have to happen?"

Seeing the open tears that Tony didn't even try to hide today, Gibbs put hand on Tony's shoulder. "You're not on your own today, DiNozzo," he reminded him.

Tony was silent. He knew that he should listen to Gibbs, because he knew more than anyone what it was like to bury someone so close to you. More than that, he knew what it was like to be a father. "Does it ever get any easier?" he choked out.

"No," Gibbs said. "The pain heals, but the scar's always there." He noticed the hold that Penny and Tony seemed to have on each other. Penny's arms were tightly around his neck, almost mimicking the hold that Tony had on her torso. She was sobbing into his neck, while he released his tears onto her hair. "You still have Penny."

He took a deep breath, taking his eyes away from the coffin and looking down at Penny. "When I first found her, I thought she looked like me," he remembered. "Now, I can't look at her without seeing Alicia…"

"You can do this, Tony," Gibbs assured him, stroking Penny's hair. "Do it for her."

Tony took another breath, trying to control the shuddering in it. "For her," he repeated.

"For Penny."

"I can do this," he said, with little confidence but still more than he'd had earlier.

Gibbs nodded. "You can."

But he still struggled to hold it together when the music began and Penny started sobbing even harder.

\--

By the time they'd finished saying their private goodbyes to Alicia, the girls who had attended on the other side of the room were already gone. Clearly they weren't hanging around to say their own goodbyes to the woman who was a close friend to them. He came out of the viewing room, holding Penny close against him. She wasn't crying anymore, having cried herself to near exhaustion, but he held her head against his shoulder, trying his best to soothe the whimpers that escaped her when she had the energy.

When he reached the pews, he found that Gibbs was not alone anymore. In the row directly behind him were Ziva, then Abby and McGee, and then Jenny and Ducky just behind them. Tony looked at them through his bleary eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked them.

"I asked them to come," Gibbs told him.

"Why?"

"It's hard to do this alone," Gibbs told him for the umpteenth time.

Tony looked at Penny, then at the others, who all offered him small smiles of warmth, and back to Gibbs. "I'm not alone, though," he pointed out, like a child himself, unsure and uncertain now faced with the cruelty of the world.

"No," Gibbs agreed, "and now you know that."

\--

Somehow, they found themselves in Jenny's back garden. There was no wake, because only Tony and Penny were left mourning at the end of the service, but they wanted to stay together so that the father and daughter knew they were not alone. None of them knew Alicia at all, let alone well enough to mourn her passing, so they busied themselves with other things, not attempting to lift their spirits but ready in case they were needed by either of them. The weather was nice, so Tony didn't mind sitting in the garden, watching the team around him as the sun went down. He was in a sun chair, cradling Penny against his chest as she still refuses to leave his arms.

Ducky and Gibbs were standing over a barbecue, at the moment working on some sausages. Abby and McGee seemed to be in a world of their own in another part of the garden. He had no idea what was making them so happy, but he was glad someone was happy today. Ziva and Jenny were standing at the other end of the veranda, deep in conversation about something, he didn't know what, but he was finding it increasingly hard to ignore the weight of Ziva's worried eyes on him.

When the food that Ducky and Gibbs seemed to be in charge of over at the barbecue was finished, Tony leaned his head closer to Penny. "Are you hungry?" he asked her. She shook her head. "Do you want a drink?" This time, she nodded. "What do you want?"

In a tiny voice, she replied: "Juice."

"Okay, let's go and ask Auntie Jenny," he announced. He stood up, and went over to the other side of the veranda, where Jenny and Ziva were standing. "Have you got any juice?" he asked her. "Penny's thirsty."

"Of course," she said, before looking at Penny. "Would you like to come and choose some, Penny?"

Penny's only reply was to burrow further against Tony's neck, hiding away from everyone.

"Sorry," Tony said awkwardly. "I'll get it myself."

"No, I'll get it," Jenny told him. "You two stay here."

Tony stood helpless as Jenny disappeared inside, leaving him alone with Ziva. Even today, of all days, he realised that this was the first time he had been alone with her since her date with Adam. It's the first time he's actually seen her. Now, in the sunset light, the golden glow of her skin warmed the icy hold on his heart. Since when had he started thinking of her as beautiful rather than hot? He shook the thought from his head. Today was not the day, and she was Adam's girl now, not that she was ever his own to begin with. It still made him want to hurt Adam for having the chance to hold her last night.

"What you did today was not easy," Ziva acknowledged.

Tony shook his head, readjusting his hold on Penny. "No, it wasn't. But thank you."

"For coming?"

"For not asking me how I am," he said. "All anyone ever does anymore is ask me how I am, how I'm holding up…seems like a useless question, really."

"I cannot ask you that," she told him. "I know that you are not okay."

He shook his head, looking into a part of the garden where he knew his eyes wouldn't land on anyone. "I thought I'd be able to get through today, but…"

"You did," she pointed out.

"Barely."

"You were there for your daughter," Ziva reminded him.

"You guys were there for me."

She reached out, putting a hand on his arm. His skin burned under her touch. "We are your friends, Tony. What did you expect?"

He shrugged. "Not for all of you to take time out of work just to watch me get upset."

"That is not why we cane, Tony, and you know that."

He smiled weakly, even though his heart wasn't in it. "I'd hug you, you know, to thank you, but I've kinda got my hands full right now."

Ziva's smile contained more warmth, and she put her arms around both him and Penny. "You are welcome, Tony."

"Thank you," he whispered.

Jenny came back with a plastic cup of juice, and Ziva stepped back. "Here."

Tony took the cup. "Thanks." With some manoeuvring, he managed to help Penny drink from the cup, and then returned her head to his shoulder when it was empty. "Is that better?" She nodded. "Are you sure you're not hungry?" She shook her head, and Tony looked worried.

"Has she eaten today?" Jenny asked him.

"Only breakfast. She keeps insisting that she's not hungry."

"It's been a hard day for her," she reminded him. "For both of you. She'll eat when she feels hungry."

"I hope so," he sighed.

"She will," Jenny assured her.

Abby approached them, silently hugging Tony but pulling back in surprise when a farting sound is heart. "Uh…Tony…"

"That wasn't me," he covered. "It was Bertha."

"Who's Bertha?" Jenny asked.

Tony moved a little, revealing the purple hippo that Abby had given Penny. "Apparently Bert is a boy, so this one has to be a girl. Hence, Bertha."

"Clever name," Abby praised.

"Apparently they're going to have Bert-babies together," Tony continued, remembering how Penny had described this to him over dinner the night before.

Abby looked thrilled. "I could start a Bert-business!" She put a hand on Penny's back, rubbing it gently. "Looks like we're going into business together, Pen-Pen."

Abby stood with them for a while as they talked, even though Tony was mainly listening. It was nice to catch up the things he had been missing at work, but the moment was broken when he heard Penny's voice in his ear.

"Daddy?"

He bent his head, whispering back to her. "Yes, Princess?"

"Wanna go home."

"Okay." He lifted his head, looking at the others. "We're going to head home, guys. Penny's tired. Thanks for today, you didn't have to be there."

"Yeah, we did," Abby smiled.

"Well…thanks."

He made his way through the team, saying his goodbyes until he found himself in the hall on their own. He helped Penny put her coat on, surprised to see that his hands were shaking at the zipper. He could barely move it because of his trembling. Terror gripped him, and he shut his eyes tightly. They were really alone together now. Alicia definitely wasn't going to come back by some miracle of God. She was gone forever. It was just him and Penny. The two of them. A little girl who missed her mother and a father who wasn't sure he could do a good job raising her.

Ad then there were hands on his, helping him. They wrapped around his own, guiding the zipper up until Penny's jacket was completely closed. But afterwards, the hands did not release him. They remained wrapped around his, waiting patiently until his trembling had ceased. He opened his eyes and stared at them, trying to focus his breathing on remaining as steady as the hands that held his. Gentle hands. Caring hands. Familiar hands.

"Ziva…" he whispered, almost pleadingly with his voice shaking.

He felt a hand run over his hair briefly, comforting him as if he were a child. It had been what he was doing to comfort Penny, running a hand through her hair. They were alike in that way as well, as having their hair played with relaxed them. He let out a breath, and raised his eyes to look at her. She was less than three inches from him, watching him with concerned eyes. Yet, she didn't condescend him. She didn't ask him what was wrong, how she could help, or whether he was okay. Because like she'd said before, she knew. She knew what was wrong. She knew how to help. She knew that he wasn't okay. Because even though Gibbs was like the father he'd always wanted his biological father to be, and even though Abby was like a sister to him and he'd worked with McGee longer…Ziva still knew him best. He couldn't describe it. She just got him. She understood why he needed everyone one minute but needed solitude the next. She knew. She always seemed to know.

Her hand stopped its motion, resting on the back of his neck as he stared at her, looking at her for what to do next. "Take Penny home, get some sleep," she told him quietly. "If you need me tonight, call me." He nodded numbly, taking her words in. Go home. Get some sleep. He knew what to do now, for tonight at least. "I am here for you, Tony," she assured him. "Both of you."

She allowed her hand to fall as he stood up, bringing Penny onto his hip. She immediately buried her face against him in the same way she had done all afternoon. "Say goodbye to Ziva, Penny," he prompted his daughter softly.

Penny lifted her head, leaning out and putting her arms around Ziva's neck before planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "Bye, Ziva," she whispered in her tiny voice.

Ziva gave her a smile, stroking her cheek. "Laila Tov, Tateleh."

Tony looked at her as Penny replaced her head against his shoulder once more, an action he was become more than used to now. He kept his eyes trained on hers for a moment, waiting to see whether this was the extent of their exchange, but when she didn't move to return to the others he bent forward and kissed her cheek. It was only gentle, but he lingered his lips against her skin for a moment. A moment more than he should do, if only to refresh the memory to his lips as to what she tasted like. Ziva. She just tasted like Ziva. Just like he remembered. When he pulled back, he looked almost embarrassed, appearing more like a lost little boy than he had done all day. "Ziva…"

"You are welcome, Tony," she assured him.

As Tony turned and left, closing the front door behind him, she remained there for a moment. Both of her cheeks burnt, one kissed by a broken child and the other by a broken man - both of whom she cared for. Moving to the window, she watched as they got into Tony's car and drove away, wishing that she could do more for them, especially as Tony's partner. Of all the nights to go to his apartment and just be with them for the evening, it should have been tonight.

Her cell phone rang, startling her out of her thoughts. Adam's name flashed on the caller I.D. She bit her lip…what was the emotion running through her at that moment, when she saw his name? Was it guilt?

A better question: why did she feel guilty?

\--

Almost like a routine, Tony helped Penny into her pyjamas. Usually, this was followed by a story, the two of them sat side by side on her bed, propped up with pillows. Sometimes, she'd fall asleep during the story, and he'd either stop there when he realised or he'd carry on reading in silence, depending on whether or not he'd read the story to her before. Some of them had deeper meanings than just happily ever after, and he actually found himself curious as to how it ended. Not tonight, though. He helped her into her pyjamas and then took her from her bedroom and placed her down in his bed.

Skipping the goodnight story, the song, the glass of warm milk…everything that had set up their nightly routine, he climbed onto the bed beside her. He'd removed his tie at Jenny's house, and it was probably still sitting on the veranda beside the chair he'd been sitting in, but he was still wearing his dress shirt and pants. He made no move to take them off; that required an energy he didn't have. Instead, he just lay down next to his daughter, putting his arms around him as she curled up against him.

She fell asleep within minutes, even though when he gazed out of the curtains he could see that the sun was only just setting; the sky a beautiful mix of purples and oranges. Lilac, Penny's favourite colour, could be seen just before the darkest parts where you could already see stars against an inky backdrop. But Penny was sleeping, and that was what mattered. He didn't care whether she woke him up at four in the morning ready to start the day, because tomorrow would be a better day. Tomorrow was the start of everything brand new. Tomorrow had to be better because it certainly couldn't be worse than today. So he let her sleep, and for a while he just watched her, knowing that as long as she was sleeping, her heart wasn't hurting.

But his heart was, and it only wanted one thing.

\--

As her cell phone started to ring, Ziva rolled over and picked it up. This time, it was Tony's name that featured on the caller I.D., but as she was about to answer the call an arm fell around her waist. "Don't answer," a voice whispered huskily in her ear.

"It's Tony," she explained.

"You're busy," the same voice purred, tightening his hold on her and kissing her neck.

She craned her neck away from him. "It has been a hard day for him, Adam. He might need me. I told him to call if-"

Adam broke away from her, rolling onto his back with a heavy sigh. "He can't keep running to you for everything, Ziva. You're not his mother, and you're not his girlfriend."

She looked away from the ringing phone in her hand, frowning at him. "What are you saying?"

"That you shouldn't answer," he said simply, not wanting to get into the argument about her 'working relationship' with Agent DiNozzo.

She glowered at him. "I am answering," she decided. However, when she accepted the call she discovered that he had just hung up. She sighed, putting the phone back onto the bedside table. "He has gone," she said, almost with regret in her voice.

"Convenient," Adam remarked, returning to kissing her neck. When he moved to her lips, however, she found that her heart wasn't in it as it had been before. She should have answered. She told him to call if he needed her and she hadn't answered….

\--

She hadn't answered. That was okay, right? It was okay, he tried to tell himself. He hadn't needed her, he just…needed to hear her voice. She probably couldn't hear her phone if she was still at Jenny's. They were probably drinking and partying…no, she wouldn't be. She'd be worrying about him, more than likely. He put his phone back on the bedside table, and placed his arm over Penny instead.

He just wanted to hear her voice…

He just wanted to know that she wasn't leaving as well. He needed to know that she wouldn't be taken away. He needed her to be the one constant, the only woman in the world who wouldn't be taken away from him. Too many women he'd lost to death; his mother, Kate, Paula, Alicia…who would be next?

The only ones he had left were Abby, Penny and Ziva.

He couldn't lose them.


	17. No, I'm Still Shocked

It had been three days since the funeral. He'd like to think that a lot had happened in three days, but it hadn't. A lot hadn't happened when it should have done…like opening the curtains, daily showering, doing things other than watching old TV re-runs and movies. He couldn't remember the last time the rooms were flooded with natural daylight or when they had a healthy cooked meal. Take out was easier, more convenient, and they could watch more movies if they didn't have to take time away to cook. Life seemed easier when they were watching television.

But that changed on the fourth morning.

On the fourth morning, he walked into his living room and saw Penny already sitting on the couch in front of the television, staring at that mornings weather report blankly. One thing that had happened in the past three days is that she'd learnt how to turn the television on herself. So, he turned around and went into the bathroom. He showered, put on a clean pair of jeans and a clean long-sleeved t-shirt (double checking that they were clean because laundry also hadn't been done in the past three days), and then he went in to Penny. She was still sat in the same place.

Not anymore, he realised. This wasn't good for her.

He got her up from the couch, took her into the bathroom. He ran her a bath, carefully checking the temperature of the water, and he made sure that she was clean before he let her out. Then, he let her choose her favourite outfit to wear to make a chance from the constant pyjamas of the past few days, and brushed her hair for her, making sure that he played some music in the background of their very different morning. They needed to get out, they needed to see people, they needed to do something.

And all of this came to one conclusion.

NCIS.

"What do you think?" Tony asked, as she sat down on the floor before him and handed him her shoes. "It will be nice to see everyone, won't it?"

"Yeah," she answered, and he was taken aback to find that she was smiling. Really smiling.

That made him smile, and he touched her cheek. "You're smiling."

"I like seeing everyone," she told him simply.

"I like it when you smile," he told her, giving her a big hug. "When you smile, it makes my day so much better."

Penny was still smiling when he pulled away and went back to putting on her shoe. "I miss Ziva 'specially," she told him.

His smile dropped a little, but he tried to regain it. "I miss Ziva too," he told her. He hadn't heard from her since the day of the funeral. He'd tried calling a few times since, but always hung up before she'd have even noticed the phone was ringing.

"When will she come over for dinner next?" she asked.

"I don't know, you'll have to ask her."

"Do you think she wants to?" she asked. Yes, she must be feeling happier…she's asking questions again.

"Maybe, but we'll need to go shopping first," he reminded himself. "We're running out of food again." Actually, they ran out of food days ago, but thanks to the magic of delivery boys they hadn't needed to worry about that.

"Auntie Jenny said that we've gotta go shopping before we run out next time," she pointed out to him.

"That's not a bad idea. How about when we come home we go shopping first? You think we can handle it without Ziva and Jenny?" he asked her.

She thought about it, and then nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"We'll give it a go, right?"

"Yeah."

As he tied up her shoelace, he wondered whether they were still talking about shopping.

\--

Down in the lab, Abby and Ziva were sitting together. There was a gap between the cases, so as Ziva had finished her paperwork and Gibbs was in MTAC she'd gone down to see Abby. The two of them sat around the large table, Ziva with a coffee and Abby with a decaffeinated caff-pow, even though she insisted they tasted disgusting. Ziva had just finished explaining to Abby about not answering Tony's call in time, and that she is now worried because she hasn't heard from him since.

"It was not supposed to happen," she insisted. "It was a mistake. It must have been…"

"Look, you don't have to explain anything to me," Abby told her.

"It was inexcusable, Abby."

"If anything, I think you two were long overdue for some good old pent-up frustration sex."

Ziva looked at her strangely. "Abby, I am not talking about having sex with Tony," she explained slowly.

Abby suddenly snapped up. "You're not?"

"I did not sleep with him," she insisted.

"Okay, wait. Totally wrong end of the conversation. Start again," Abby told her, this time listening to the conversation that she was supposed to be hearing rather than the one she wanted to be hearing.

"I was at Adam's, but I had told Tony to call me if he needed me," Ziva repeated.

"And he called?"

"Yes."

"But you didn't answer?

"No," she groaned. "Adam told me not to but when I went to answer anyway he had already hung up."

Abby shrugged. "Maybe he just thought you were asleep or something."

"I always answer my calls," she justified. "Unlike Tony. Since then he has not returned or answered a single one of my calls."

"Ziva, relax," Abby told her. "He's under a lot of stress. He hasn't answered any of our calls."

But still, Ziva was worried. "Perhaps I should go over tonight and check that things are all right…"

"Wait, don't you have a date with Adam tonight?" Abby reminded her.

Ziva stopped, but then shook her head. "Some things are more important."

Abby was silent for a moment, focusing on her drink, before asking out of the blue: "So, what's Adam like?"

Confused, Ziva frowned. "How do you mean?"

"Is he more of a hopeless romantic or is he one of those guys who likes it angry and rough?"

She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You were never an innocent child, were you?" she realised.

"Nope, now stop avoiding the question and give the poor pregnant girl some details," Abby instructed her.

"He is more of a romantic but not as much as he could be," Ziva divulged.

"So, what?" Abby pried. "No candles, roses and silk sheets?"

She shook her head. "He has given me roses, but it did not coincide with the sex."

"I thought not," Abby decided.

"You did?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah, some people you can just tell with."

Ziva looked even more confused. "You have not met him before."

"He has a vibe. What colour were the roses?" she asked.

"Yellow."

Abby winced. "Ouch. Bad move for Adam."

"What is wrong with yellow roses?" she asked.

"In roses, yellow is the colour of friendship," she explained.

"Yellow is my favourite colour for roses," Ziva defended.

"So! Guys should always give red roses," she insisted.

Ziva looked away. "I am not particularly the flower type, Abby."

Abby eyed her suspiciously. "What's going on between you two?" she asked. "Yellow roses, wanting to cancel dates…"

"Abby-"

"And you had this really weird look in your eye when you said it, too," Abby pointed out to her. "Has something happened?"

Ziva was silent for a moment, fingering the rim of her coffee mug. "Something is bothering me about this relationship, yes," she admitted.

"What is it?"

"I do not know," she told her. "That is what is bothering me."

Abby frowned. "I don't get you."

"In Mossad, I learned how to read a person," she explained. "I can tell what a person is thinking just by looking into their eyes."

"You think Adam's lying to you?" she realised.

"No, I know that he is lying to me," she corrected her. "But I cannot figure out what he is lying about."

"Have you tried asking him?"

"Of course. He insists there is nothing to lie about."

"But you're not convinced?"

"No."

Abby paid close attention to the look on Ziva's face. "Do you think it's something bad?" she asked, hoping that it wasn't an illness. She didn't think Ziva could go through another Dead Man Walking after what happened with Roy.

"Would he have a reason to lie if it were not?" she pointed out.

"Well…maybe you're just over reacting," Abby suggested. "Perhaps it's just something on his mind. Maybe it's not you he's lying to."

Ziva shook her head slowly. "Abby, I am not wrong about this."

"Wrong about what?"

Both women turned to see Tony and Penny standing in the doorway, both with smiles on their faces. It was as if they had never been away. Abby got up went over to them. "Tony! Penny!"

Penny waved from Tony's arms. "Hi, Abby. Hi, Ziva."

"Well, this is certainly better," Ziva observed. "Seeing the both of you with a smile."

"We're happy today," Penny announced, as they came to stand beside her at the table.

"I am very glad to hear that, Penny," Ziva smiled.

"We like seeing people. 'Specially you guys."

"That's because we're so awesome," Abby told her brightly. However, her face dropped when she saw two lop-sided pigtails on Penny's head. "Oh dear, Pen-Pen, what happened here?"

Penny looped her fingers through her pigtails. "Daddy did them, but he didn't do them very good."

"Hey, I tried, didn't I?" Tony defended quickly.

"Oh no, this will not do," Abby shook her head. "This has to be fixed. Wonky pig-tails are a no-no."

"Yeah, Daddy. Big no-no," Penny told him.

Abby plucked Penny from Tony's arms and marched through the lab to her desk, leaving the two agents alone. They instantly began speaking at the same time.

"Ziva-"

"Tony-"

They stopped, laughing lightly at their mistake, before Ziva stepped in first. "I am sorry, Tony," she told him.

"For what?"

"Not answering your call."

"Ah, it's nothing," he waved off. "Penny was asleep and I just wanted to see if you remembered that documentary about James Bond I told you about ages ago." Ziva raised an eyebrow, but was pleased to see that she could still tell when he was lying to her. He noticed her look. "And this is where you remind me that you're Mossad and you know I'm lying. So…uh…I was just a bit freaked out when it was only me awake, and once I called I realised how stupid a reason that was to call you so I hung up," he explained.

"I should have answered," she told him. "I said to call-"

"It's okay, I don't mind," he assured her.

"I haven't answered anyone's calls," he pointed out. "I just…needed to shut out the world for a few days."

"And now?" she questioned.

"I realised that shutting the world out in the way that I did isn't healthy for Penny," he said, looking over at where she was happily chatting away to Abby. "She needs to see people, she needs me to open the curtains in the apartment…things like that."

"You both seem happier today," she observed.

"Yeah, we are," he nodded confidently.

"You have become a natural protector."

He looked back to her. "You think?"

She nodded. "I saw the state in which she arrived in, Tony. Look at her now. One week, and she is smiling. Whatever you are doing for her, it is working."

He squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't really feel like I'm doing anything," he admitted.

"You are doing everything," she assured him. "And she knows it."

He nodded, and then changed the subject, almost too quickly for her liking. "Are you guys busy today?"

"For the moment, no," she told him. "We do not have a case. Why do you ask?"

"It's the official reading of Alicia's will this afternoon. I can't really take Penny with me."

"I am sure there will be someone here who will watch her."

"Okay, cool," he nodded.

Abby and Penny came back over, both of them smiling. "Much better, don't you think?"

"Thank you, Auntie Abby," Penny said, shaking her head around with her now level pigtails.

"Now, let's all go upstairs," she said. "Auntie Abby has something to tell everyone."

"Ooh," Tony cooed. "Sordid secret, Abs?"

"You'll never know if you don't come upstairs with us," she told him.

Tony looks shocked, wondering what on earth she had done that even she would consider 'sordid'. Ziva pushed him lightly towards the door. "Come on, Tony. It is worth hearing, I assure you."

\--

Upstairs in the bullpen, Tony sat down on the front of his desk, lifting Penny into his lap. Ziva stood beside them, continuing to talk to Penny about what her new favourite movie was (Tony was actually glad that her new favourite was one of the Disney films rather than From Russia With Love). Abby stood in the centre of the bullpen, beckoning McGee out from his desk until he was standing next to her. Gibbs looked up from his computer, strangely gazing upon them up. Abby and McGee were almost directly in front of him, looking like a pair of nervous teenagers, while Tony and Ziva were behind them, Penny on her father's lap while she chatted away to Ziva, the three of them looking strangely mature and natural together.

"You tell them," Abby hissed to McGee.

"You tell them," he shot back.

"I told you," she countered.

"And Ziva and Gibbs," he pointed out. "It's really just telling Tony."

"Then you can tell Ducky and the Director and we'll be even," Abby suggested.

He looked confused. "What?"

"Just do it!" she told him.

"No. I can't. I think I'm going to throw up."

"Fine," she huffed. "I'll do it."

"Thank you," he sighed gratefully.

"Attention people!" Abby said brightly, not needing to get anyone's attention because they were all watching her already. She looked at the eyes on her, Ziva's encouraging smile, and took a step backwards, pushing McGee into the proverbial spotlight. "McGee has something to tell you!"

"Abby!" he hissed, before realising that everyone was now looking at him. "Uh…Abby's uh…"

"Spit it out, McGee," Gibbs told him.

"Abby's pregnant," he mumbled quickly.

Tony's eyes widened, and if Penny hadn't been holding onto his neck he probably would have dropped her. "Really?"

"Congratulations," Ziva praised, coming over to hug Abby.

Gibbs just looked at them silently.

Tony was looking at them with more curiosity. "Wow. I'm shocked…" he announced. "I mean, I'm happy for you…" he stopped, shaking his head. "No, wait, not yet…no, I'm still shocked."

"You knew, didn't you?" McGee assumed.

"No, he did not," Ziva assured him.

"Gibbs?" Abby asked, looking at her surrogate father with hope. Silent could either mean good or bad with Gibbs.

Gibbs stood up from his desk, going over to Abby and kissing her on the cheek. She smiled, realising that this was a blessing from him. However, he stood before McGee for a long time, just staring, before he eventually spoke. "Mess this up, McGee, and I'll find you wherever you run to."

With a suppressed terror, McGee nodded. "Uh, yes, boss."

\--

Later that afternoon, Tony arrived back at NCIS to collected Penny. He'd been longer than he'd planned to be, which meant that Penny would probably be complaining about not having dinner by now, but the reading of Alicia's will had taken a lot of out him. It seemed more final than the funeral, in ways, dividing up what little she had and delegating it to others; mainly him. Every step they took away from Alicia's life seemed more final than the previous one. So, when he stepped out of the elevator, his eyes were still rather red even though he'd carefully composed himself in the men's room downstairs first.

What else could cheer him up, however, than seeing Penny happily sitting on Ziva's lap whilst she worked at her desk?

"Daddy!" she cried when she saw him watching them. She dropped herself down from Ziva's lap, and hurried around the desk to him, throwing herself into his arms.

"Hi, Princess," he told her.

"I missed you," she told him. "You were gone for a long time."

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, placing a kiss against the top of her head. "Do you want to do your drawing on my desk while I talk to Ziva?" he asked her.

"Okay."

"Good girl," he said, watching as she gathered her picture and her colouring pens and then took them over to Tony's desk. He turned to Ziva. "Thanks for watching her."

"She is no trouble, Tony," she smiled back at him.

"Where is everyone?" he asked, noticing that the bullpen was well and truly empty save for them.

"Gibbs is downstairs with Ducky, and Abby and McGee left early for a doctor's appointment," she told him.

He narrowed his eyes at her playfully. "You really knew that she was pregnant?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked her.

She shrugged simply. "If I were in her situation I would not expect her to tell McGee."

"That's a strangely hypothetical situation," he commented.

"Of course. How was the reading?" she asked him.

He sighed, not really liking the change of conversation. "It was harder than I thought it would be," he admitted. "Any money she had left was for Penny, but I already knew that. Then there's this," he said, holding up the thick envelope in hands. "Letters for Penny on her eighteenth birthday, her wedding day, and one for whenever she feels ready to open it. There's a Christmas card for her and a card for her next birthday as well. Then there's a necklace that belonged to her mother; not the evil stepmother woman, her real mother, that she wanted to pass on to Penny. There's uh…" he trailed off, looking down at the envelope. "There's a letter for me as well, with a DVD."

"What is on it?" she asked.

"According to the letter it's all the video footage she has of Penny growing up," he told her. "Stuff that I missed."

She smiled gently at him. "That will be nice for you to see."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Except I can't bring myself to watch it."

She reached out, taking his hand over the desk. "It may take time, Tony," she reminded him.

"It's stuff that I shouldn't have been there for though, but I wasn't."

"Through no fault of your own," she pointed out.

"I still should have been there."

"You are here now," she said. "When it matters the most."

He nodded slowly, having not taken his eyes away from the hand that held his. She kept doing that. She kept taking his hand, just as he kept on being surprised at how everything seemed to disappear when he felt the brush of her skin against his. "I should get her home," he announced. "We've got to get some groceries before we run out of food again. Thanks again for watching her."

Ziva watched sadly as they left, realising that Tony no longer had the smile on his face as he had done that morning.


	18. If I Ask Again

For the rest of Tony's grievance leave, he shut out the world, just as he had told Ziva he couldn't do. However, this was a different kind of blocking them out; while he continued to ignore every single phone call and message that they left for him, he focused his full attention of keeping Penny. They spent most of their time doing things together; watching movies, listening to music, going to the park…everything that Tony felt he had missed out on without having to watch the DVD that Alicia had left for him. He didn't want to watch it because all it would do was remind him that he hadn't been there for those things when he could easily have been.

On the morning he returned to work, it was clear to everyone that he had been in touch with at least one person, however. Before he sat down at his desk, he took Penny up to Jenny's office, where Cynthia would be watching her while he worked. The second he sat down, however, Ziva moved in to question him, but they were called out before she could get an answer. It was only when they returned at midday that she had a chance to talk to him, and ended up waiting in the hall for him after he had been questioning someone.

"Tony," she said, when he emerged from the interrogation room.

"Did you find out where this guy's brother is?" he asked her, looking at the file in his hands rather than at her.

"Tony, can I speak with you?" she asked him.

"Don't tell me the guy's dead, because he's the only one that can tell us where the drugs are," he complained.

"This is not about the case," she told him.

"Then can we do this later?" he asked her. "We've got a shipment of drugs that has been missing for thirty-six hours and a dealer on the streets who's getting his revenge on half the US Navy because of it."

"Tony!" she snapped, grabbing his arm and holding him in place. He glared down at her, but she didn't remove her hand. "You have not answered a single call in over a week," she said pointedly.

"I've been busy."

"Doing what?"

"Getting to know my daughter," he told her stupidly.

"Clearly you have spoken to Jenny, as arrangements have been made for Penny while you are working," she observed.

"It was a necessity," he said simply. "I didn't want to get her a nanny. I was raised by several nannies, it was a nice excuse for my father to do as little as possible for me. I don't want that for her."

"You could have at least answered one call," she told him. "We are all worried about you, Tony."

"Well, you shouldn't be," he said. "I can take care of myself and Penny just fine."

"Yes, you can take care of Penny, but whether or not you can take care of yourself is questionable," she told him.

"Meaning?"

"You are exhausted, Tony," she pointed out. "You have dark circles under your eyes, you have lost weight…"

He ripped his arm from her grasp, glaring at her more than ever. "You're not my mother, Ziva. Don't talk to me like I need taking care of."

"Do you?" she asked simply.

"I'm fine."

"I believe otherwise."

"Then you go ahead and believe that, I've got work to do."

"Work can wait," she said, batting down the folder that he went to raise again.

"No, Ziva, it can't!" he shot at her. "Not for me. I need to find this guy's brother, get him back in that room and charge him, and I need to do that quickly. I'm not taking Penny home for dinner gone midnight. I can't slack off just to waste time anymore."

With that, he walked off, heading back towards the bullpen. Of course, she followed him, not dropping her argument. "Why are you so opposed to accepting help?" she asked.

"Because I don't need help," he said simply. "I've got everything covered just fine."

"A week, Tony," she reminded him. "Anything could have happened in a week."

"What? Afraid that I might do something stupid?"

"No, I just-"

"You just what?" he asked, spinning on his heel to face her again . By now they were in the centre of the bullpen and people were starting to stare at them. "I appreciate that you're trying to help, Ziva, I really do, but I loved Alicia once. I really cared for her and she died. She's gone now, and she's never coming back. Did you ever consider that I might need to get that straight in my head still? I need to do this my own way and no one else's, and if shutting out the world helps then that's what I'll do!"

"What about Penny?" she challenged him. "She's your daughter."

"She's Alicia's daughter too."

"You are not the only person who needs considering in this situation, Tony!" she said, raising her voice to match his.

"Don't you think I know that?"

"DINOZZO! DAVID!" Silence fell over them both as Gibbs' booming voice came at them from the staircase. They looked at them and then started to stare each other down. "What the Hell is going on here?"

"Ziva's-"

"I know exactly what Ziva's doing, DiNozzo," he cut him off.

"Good, then you can tell her to stop it because I don't need anyone taking care of me," he said like a petulant teenager.

"I am only worried for you, Tony. You do not speak to anyone for a week, we were worried-"

"You're not my wife, Ziva!" he yelled at her. She was actually shocked by this, and visibly stepped back at his words. "You don't need to keep track of me every second of the day. You don't need to worry about me. You don't need to care. So just leave it."

"ENOUGH. Both of you," Gibbs shouted over them again. They stopped. "You're scaring Penny."

Guiltily they looked up, Penny was standing on the landing with Cynthia and Director who had come to see what was happening. The young girl was clinging to Jenny's leg, looking terrified. After all, Tony and Ziva were her favourites in this place. Daddy and Ziva. Daddy and Ziva who helped each other and didn't fight. Tony rubbed his face, the situation sinking in.

"Ziva…" he started, but when he looked at her she was already gone. Gibbs was standing in her place. "Boss, I-"

"I don't care, DiNozzo. You don't bite of someone's head just for trying to help."

"Help?" he half-laughed. "You think what she's doing is helping?"

"No, but it might be if you let it," Gibbs pointed out.

Tony almost pouted. "I don't need anyone's help," he insisted.

"Never said you did," he said simply. "But partners look out for each other, and if you've hurt her with what you just said then I'm going to let her used whatever Mossad techniques she wants on you."

"Boss-"

"Fix this, DiNozzo," he instructed. "Today."

\--

Gibbs' words stayed in his head for the remainder of the afternoon, and that was how he ended up sitting the elevator when he was meant to be at home. Penny was sat on the floor beside him, the two of them leaning against the back wall. Of course, they got plenty of strange looks from the agents who actually were going home, but Tony ignored them. Penny pulled a funny face as she looked up at him.

"Why are we in here, Daddy?"

"We're waiting for Ziva," he told her.

"Why here?"

"Because she'll have to come in here to go home."

"Why don't you go see her at her desk?" she asked.

How do you explain the complexities of adult arguments to a child? "Because I don't think she wants to see me right now," he explained.

"Is it because you were yelling at her?"

He winced. "You heard that, huh?"

She nodded. "Lots of people did."

"I'm sorry," he said shamefully.

"Is Ziva still my friend?" she asked strangely.

"Do you want Ziva to be your friend?" She nodded. "Then yeah, she's your friend."

"Isn't Ziva your friend anymore?" she asked him, hesitating clearly because she was wary of the answer.

"Yeah, of course she is," he assured her hurriedly.

"Then why did you yell at her?" she asked him. "You don't yell at your friends, it's not nice."

Tony skirted around this answer as well, mainly because he didn't know what had possessed him to shout at her like that. "Penny, sometimes when grown ups get scared they do things that they don't mean to do," he explained.

"You yelled Ziva because you were scared?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"What were you scared of?" she questioned.

"I was scared that she was right," he told her, brushing down a piece of her hair that had worked its way out of it's hair band that morning.

"Was she right?"

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, she was."

"Are you scared of Ziva?" she asked him.

He shook his head defensively. "I'm not scared of her."

"I think you're wrong."

He looked down at her again, amused to see her smirking at him. "I'm not scared of her," he repeated.

"Are you gonna say sorry?" she asked him. "If you make someone mad or you make them cry then you have to say sorry 'cause it's the good thing to do."

"Yeah, I'm gonna tell her I'm sorry," he assured her.

"Is that why we're waiting in the 'levator?" she asked him.

"Yeah."

"Is she gonna be a long time yet?" she asked him.

"I don't know. Why, are you tired?"

She nodded. "And hungry."

He laughed. She was more like him than she knew sometimes. "You can go to sleep if you want, and I'll wake you up for some dinner when we get home," he told her.

"Okay."

Within minutes she'd fallen asleep against him. He brought her into his lap so that she was resting against his shoulder rather than the elevator wall. About half an hour later the elevator doors opened, and this time it wasn't a random person, it was Ziva. She looked at him strangely.

"Tony?"

"Hey," he said simply, suddenly realising how stupid he looked.

"Why are you sitting in the elevator?" she asked him.

"I'm waiting for you," he said simply.

"I have been sitting at my desk since you left," she reminded him.

"I know," he nodded. "I just figured you might want to be alone…or that you didn't want to see me…but I'm hoping for the alone part."

"I did, for a while," she said. There was a silence, and she shut the elevator off, suspending it in mid air so that they would not be interrupted when she sat down next to him. "I heard Gibbs yelling at you."

"Yeah, he sure ripped me a new one," he remembered.

"I did not think he would do that."

"I did," he realised. "You and Abby…you're like daughters to him. It was the same with Kate. I know that when I do wrong and piss you off or hurt you he's always going to knock the sense back into me. Sometimes literally. Most of the time, actually. I understand that more with Penny around."

She nodded. "You would do the same for her."

"We gotta protect our girls."

She smiled slightly. "Gibbs does not realise that I do not need protecting from you."

"I know, but I understand why he does it." He looked down at Penny, and then back at Ziva. "I'm sorry, Ziva."

"Is apologizing not a sign of weakness?" she teased him.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't apologize," he pointed out, taking her hand in his. Thing got better for him when she was holding his hand, so maybe he could make things right the same way. "You were right. I'm sorry. You were just trying to help and I was being my usual pig-headed stubborn self."

"Yes, you were."

"It's just…I have to be the strong one for Penny," he told her, "and it's hard trying to do that if I'm accepting help left, right and centre."

"You do not have to accept all the help, Tony," she told him. "You just need to accept that it is there when you do need it."

"I know," he nodded. "I know that now."

"Good," she smiled.

"And…I'm really sorry for yelling at you like that. You can, uh…go ahead and go all Mossad Ninja on me next time I do that," he allowed her.

"Oh, there will not be a next time," she assured him confidently. "You would not get as far as you did today."

"Really, Ziva…I…"

"Do not apologize again, there is no need," she told him, squeezing the hand that held hers.

He smiled back. "Want to join us for a late dinner?"

"Is this a way of making amends?" she asked him.

"If that's what you think Italian food is," he nodded.

"Then yes," she laughed. "It is."

\--

They ate dinner with Penny, before putting her to bed for the night. She'd been more exhausted than he'd realised, and had barely stayed awake long enough to eat. After she'd fallen asleep in her own bed, Tony returned to the living room where Ziva was, where they watched a movie together (she hadn't seen Airplane yet, and that disgusted him). However, when midnight approached it was time for her to leave, but he checked on Penny before. When he came back, she was standing in his open doorway, ready to leave.

"Still out like a light…" he said. Ziva frowned at him. "Uh…fast asleep," he corrected himself.

"Oh," she realised. "Well, thank you for dinner."

"Thank you for coming," he countered.

"A dinner invitation from you that does not involve the food arriving by delivery boy is a rare treat," she teased him.

"I take it you enjoyed my cooking?"

She seemed to consider this. "Hmm…it was not bad."

"Not bad? You're kidding, right?"

"I guess we shall see next time," she said simply.

"How about we make that next time tomorrow?" he asked her boldly.

She looked at him guiltily. "I am seeing Adam tomorrow evening."

"Oh," he said, looking crestfallen. "Oh, okay."

"You do not like him," she realised.

"No, I don't," he told her. What was the use in lying to her? She'd be able to tell straight away.

"Because you are jealous?"

"No," he answered quickly. Almost too quickly. "I just don't trust him. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I do not want you to be hurt either," she said quietly, and he looked confused. "You are a dear friend to me, Tony. Seeing you in so much pain and knowing that there is little I can do to help is a horrible feeling. Even if you hide your pain from everyone else, please do not think that you must hide it from me," she told him.

He smiled awkwardly. "Thanks."

"You do not need to keep thanking me, Tony. I would do anything for you."

Her words sounded more romantic when said out loud, and she even looked a little embarrassed afterwards. When their eyes met again, he found himself leaning in, even more so when she wasn't pulling away. Both of their hearts pounded in a perfect rhythm. Was he about to kiss her? Was he? He realised that he was, and remembered what he was doing, remembered Adam, remembered that Adam made her happy, and he stopped, resting his head against her forehead instead. They both closed their eyes to avoid looking at each other.

"Stay," he whispered.

"I cannot," she told him regretfully.

"Please?"

"Do not ask this of me, Tony," she said, a pleading tone in her voice that told him that she actually wanted to stay.

"If I ask you again, will you stay?" he tested.

"Yes, so do not ask," she told him. "You are hurting and it would not be fair to Adam."

"Right," he breathed. "Adam."

"Tony…"

"I just…I don't understand," he told her.

"You do not understand what?"

He bit his lip, clenching his eyes closed tightly for a moment. "How can what you have with Adam be so great…how can it be real…if he can stand to be away from you for four months at sea, and …and I can't even stand to be away from you for four minutes?"

He opened his eyes, finding that hers were already open and looking directly back at him. She looked stunned, but still beautiful. If he hadn't moved in to kiss her before he certainly would have done now. She was about to answer him when there was a call from behind him.

"Daddy. I had a bad dream."

Tony turned back to Ziva, but she stopped him from speaking. "I will see you tomorrow. Thank you for dinner. Goodnight."

She was gone before he could say another word, and he stared down the hall in her absence. "Goodnight…" he whispered after her.

"Daddy…" Penny whined, now beside him.

He picked her up, resting her against him as he walked back to her bedroom. "Come on, princess, let's read another story."


	19. Can I Have You Forever

Two weeks passed since Tony almost let himself cross the line with Ziva. The 'incident'as he allowed his mind to refer to it, was never mentioned again. It anything, it had made them closer friends, because it revealed to Ziva that he was actually willing to open up to her. She was still determined to be there for him, and Tony was even more protective over her when Adam was mentioned. It was getting to the point where the temperature in the room went down by twenty degrees whenever he was mentioned, so she'd had to promise him that if Adam ever upset her she'd let Tony punch him first.

However, despite her help, the only help he'd allow himself to accept, Tony continued to spiral downstairs. He was still determined to get Penny from day to day with a smile on her face, and by doing this he'd begun to neglect his own health, not that he'd notice. In fact, no one except for Ziva noticed to begin with. Abby and McGee were always thinking about the baby, normally disagreeing about what Abby could and couldn't do while she was pregnant, and Gibbs was always wrapped up in a case. So, when Ziva noticed and pointed out to him that he was overtired and slowly starving himself, he just assumed it was her newly developed ability to act like a mother hen to him.

His true exhaustion was revealed to everyone, however, when he arrived in the office one morning. Penny always seemed to bounce along beside him rather than walk, so when Tony seemed to be dragging his heels with the effort to take each step, even the mail guy noticed.

"And at the end of my dream, everyone was smiling again," Penny told him chirpily.

"Good, I'm glad," Tony yawned. "Now, time for you to go and see Cynthia, Daddy has to work."

They bypassed the desks, as they did every morning, and headed up for the directors office. There, Tony left Penny with Cynthia before returning to his desk and turning his computer on. While he waited for it to load up he placed his head on one hand, tiredly examining a pile of paperwork on one side of his desk. He inwardly groaned; he'd really fallen behind, even though he'd been working extra hard to prove that he can be a good father and a good agent. Usually this was the sort of work he'd return to NCIS to do after midnight, leaving again just before Gibbs would arrive in the morning. Now, the only work he done at night was wondering how long it would be before Penny arrived in his bed for the night rather than staying in her own.

Gibbs saw the tiredness, although was more curious about Ziva's concerned watch over her partner than anything. He stood up, and while Ziva thought he was going to speak to Tony, he continued on past his desk, and ended up in the Director's office. Cynthia looked up. "Sorry, Special Agent Gibbs, the Director's in a meeting."

"I'm not here to see the Director," he said, going over to the small table behind Cynthia's desk, where Penny was sitting and colouring. "Good morning, Penny," he said as he crouched beside her.

She looked at him brightly. "Morning, Uncle Gibbs."

"What are you drawing?" he asked her.

"Me and Daddy in the park," she showed him. Of course, it looked like nothing more than lines of colour, but the colours were all there…blue sky, green grass, yellow sun.

"It's a good picture," he told her. "Did he take you to the park?"

She nodded. "Yeah, when he didn't have to work for a bit."

He nodded slowly, looking at the picture when he asked her. "Penny, what did you have for breakfast this morning?"

"We had cereal," she told him.

"How would you like to come and get some pancakes with me?" he asked her. "We'll take your dad with us too."

She looked at him, smiling brilliantly. "Yeah!"

"We better put your coat on first. It looks like it might rain today," he warned her, handing her the pale blue zip-up jumper that was hung on the back of her chair.

She put away her colours, and allowed Gibbs to help her into her coat, then they went downstairs. Naturally, she skipped ahead of him, carefully taking the steps one at a time, though, and raced over to Tony's desk. She'd developed a skill of dodging the agents around her, as had they for avoiding tripping over her. She stopped at Tony's desk, placing her hands on it so that just her eyes were visible over the top if his desk.

"Hi Daddy," she announced, when he didn't immediately react to her presence.

He looked up, his reactions slow from his exhaustion. "Hey, Princess, what are you doing down here?" he asked her.

"Uncle Gibbs is gonna buy me pancakes," she told him.

Stunned, Tony raised his eyebrows. "Well that's very nice of him, I hope you said thank you."

Gibbs walked past Penny, grabbing his own jacket from his chair. "You're coming too, DiNozzo," he said simply.

"I am?" he asked, even more shocked.

"Get your jacket."

He slowly got to his feet, putting his jacket on and throwing his cell-phone into the pocket. "Wow. Uh….thanks, boss."

\--

The three ended up in a small café somewhere on base. They'd been there before, Tony remembered, but it was a long time ago. Kate used to get her coffee from here some mornings. In fact, that was why he remembered it - he'd pissed Kate off and offered to buy her breakfast and coffee as they were on an all-night case, and this is where they'd ended up. They sat inside, as it was definitely clouding over ready to rain now, so they chose a window seat so that Penny could still look around her without getting bored. Tony had ordered pancakes like Penny, but didn't move to devour them straight away like she had done. It had taken a very stern Gibbs-stare to get him to start eating.

"So, Penny, how's your bed?" Gibbs asked her.

She looked into her pancakes with guilt. "I still get into Daddy's bed when I wake up."

"Well, that's okay," he assured her.

"Really?"

He nodded. "Lots of big boys and girls are a lot bigger when they sleep in their bed on their own." He knew that, he remembered that Kelly had spent her first night in her bed alone when she was four years old. She was always getting into bed with him and Shannon, at least when he was home she was.

"So, it's okay if I sleep in with Daddy?" she checked.

Gibbs nodded. "If he doesn't mind."

Penny looked at Tony curiously, almost worried about what his reaction would be. He smiled at her. "Hey, you know I don't mind," he assured her. "You can sleep in my bed whenever you want."

Penny grinned, and went back to her pancakes. It was silent for a moment, until the chirpy girl spoke up again. "Uncle Gibbs, guess what me and Daddy did last night," she prompted him.

"I don't know."

"Daddy showed me how to make pasta and we cooked it both of us together," she said proudly.

"Wow," he said, before turning to Tony, keeping his eyes on the senior field agent when he was speaking to Penny. "It sounds like it's lots of fun living with your Dad."

Tony frowned a little, wondering what Gibbs was up to this time, but didn't say anything. Penny, on the other hand, happily talked away to Gibbs. "Yeah, but not always. Sometimes he makes me take a bath when I don't wanna, or eat yucky green foods."

Gibbs ignored her scowl. "That's what all Dad's do," he told her. "And you have to take baths and eat green foods. It's how Dad's take care of their little girls."

"Really?" she asked, while Tony was pleased that he was doing something right.

"Yeah," Gibbs nodded. "If your Dad is telling you that, it means he's looking after you very well."

Penny looked down at her pancakes and then up at Gibbs. "Does that mean I don't gotta go live back with Grandma and Grandpa?" she checked, and Tony visibly stiffened at the petrified expression on her face. "I don't like it there."

"No, Penny, you don't have to go back there," Gibbs assured her. "Not as long as you have your Dad."

She quickly turned to Tony. "Daddy, can I have you forever?" she asked him. "I don't want to ever go back there never."

He leaned forward, putting his hand on her hair softly. "You'll always have me," he promised her. "Forever and ever."

"You won't get sick and go to heaven like Mommy?"

At this, Tony realised what this was about. He looked at Gibbs, and the expression on his boss's face explained everything; this was the point that he'd brought him here to make. He had to take care of himself. He couldn't afford for something to happen to him, not when there was Penny's care to think about. Her only other relatives were her grandparents, and if she didn't go to them she'd end up in care. The whole point of taking her in in the first place was that she didn't go to Alicia's father and stepmother or go into care. He couldn't let her lose another parent, not so soon.

He looked back at Penny, who by now was so worried about what was being said that she looked like she might cry. "Penny, I'm not going anywhere," he told her. "I'm always going to be here to look after you."

"Promise?" she asked him with a trembling lower lip.

He nodded, surprised at the confidence that came with his words. "I promise."

\--

By lunchtime, they'd solved their case, so Gibbs had given them the afternoon off. When they were packing up to leave, Tony approached Ziva's desk. "Hey, are you busy tonight?" he asked her.

"No, I am not," she told him.

"Can I ask you a huge favour?"

"Of course," she smiled.

"I was uh…I realise that I haven't been taking very good care of myself lately," he said.

She nodded. "I had noticed."

Of course, she'd noticed. She'd noticed and told him at least a thousand times in a fortnight. "Yeah, I should have listened to you sooner."

Before either of them could lean into apologies again, she got back to the topic at hand. "What was the favour you wanted to ask?"

"I was wondering whether you could come and sit with Penny while I catch up on some sleep, since we're finishing early and all," he told her. "And I'll make it up to you as well," he said hurriedly, before she thought he was just using her to get free care for Penny. "Dinner. We'll make dinner. Or get take out. Whichever you want."

She nodded. "Yes, of course."

Relieved, he grinned. "You're a lifesaver. Thank you."

She lifted her back onto her back, carrying her jacket despite the heavy downpour of rain outside. "Let us get Penny, shall we?"

\--

Tony was pleased to find that he actually managed to get a couple of hours sleep at home. Of course, that was after he spent half an hour deliberately trying to remain awake so that he could listen to Penny and Ziva. It wasn't that he was spying or at all curious about what they were talking about; he could just hear their voices drifting down the hall, and it was with an image in his head of the two of them together that send him off into a restful sleep. When he awoke, they managed to make dinner together, albeit rather disastrously, but it was fun and they'd all laughed even though it had taken a long time to clean the kitchen up after dinner. They were just settled on the couch to watch a movie together when Ziva's cell phone rang.

"Who can that be at this hour?" she asked, as she got up from the couch and took her cell phone from her jacket pocket.

"Can't be Gibbs," he realised. "He'd have called me too."

She answered the phone without checking the caller I.D. "Ziva David….Adam, hi."

Tony stiffened on the couch, looking at the television quickly before the temptation to take the cell phone from Ziva's hand and throw it into the alley outside the apartment overtook him. Ziva had gotten used to him doing that now and took the cell phone into the kitchen so that he didn't have to hear the conversation. A few minutes later she came back into the lounge and settled beside Penny.

"Everything okay?" he checked, still inwardly looking for an excuse to beat the guy senseless.

"He wished to know if I would like to go dancing tonight," she said simply.

"Do you?" he asked.

She looked at the clock. "It is late…"

"You've had later nights before," Tony rightly pointed out.

"That is true, but I have had a very nice evening and I would much rather stay here as I had planned," she told him.

"Ziva…" he started, and she looked up at him. He was about to tell her that she was making the right choice by staying here, here where neither of the people she was would ever do anything to hurt her, and then he saw the look in her eye. He remembered how she had looked at Adam when he had been on his doorstep waiting for her. Ziva was actually falling for this guy. You didn't look at someone like that unless you were really falling in love with them. Love. The word clutched at his heart and squeezed when he thought about it existing between Ziva and Adam. But still, she was falling, and she deserved to be with someone who made her happy, right? "Go," he said softly.

She frowned. Was Tony actually encouraging her to go out with Adam? "Tony…"

"Don't put your live on hold for the two of us," he told her. "We've had a good time, and it's Penny's bedtime soon anyway. You should go with him, enjoy the rest of your night."

She smiled at him. "What makes you believe I am not already enjoying myself?" she asked him.

"You love dancing," he countered.

"Yes, I do," she admitted. He'd seen her dance once before, as part of an undercover operation. It had only been a small case, but it had involved her dancing with their main suspect. It had been awful watching her so close with the man who had killed so many female marines, by first starting out with dancing with them, but the main reason Tony had been unable to take his eyes off of Ziva was because of the graceful ease she put into her dancing.

"So, what are you waiting for?" he told her. "Go home, find something amazing to wear, and go dancing." She smiled at his encouragement, but still looked hesitant. "If you don't go, I'll drive you down there myself, and we both know how much he'd love to see me," he warned her.

At this, she half-laughed. "Okay, I will go."

\--

Penny had been in bed for just over an hour. Tony had sat with her for a long time, reading and trying to settle her, but a fever had been creeping up on her throughout the evening, and she'd not taken kindly to going to bed at all. Eventually, though, she had settled, and Tony had been checking on her every time he got up ever since, slowly creeping to her side and checking her forehead, prepared to ring Ducky or the hospital the second he thought it was too high. However, it seemed to stay steady, and not worryingly high at all.

Just before midnight, as he was about to go to bed himself, he checked in on her again. She was sprawled over her blankets, half of them gathering on the floor beside her. He always thought this was amusing. When she slept in his bed, she curled up against him, tight in a ball, but in her own bed she took up as much space as possible. He lifted the blankets back onto her, checking her fever once more, and then went towards his bedroom.

However, he was stopped in the hall by a noise outside his front door; a shuffling of feet following by a gentle, unsure knock. He frowned, pulling Penny's bedroom door to but not shutting it completely in case she called for him in the night. He went to the front door, pulling open, shocked with what he saw before him.

"Ziva?"

She stood there, a complete wreck of her usual self. She was so broken that it was impossible to remember her laughing on his couch a few hours ago. She wasn't crying, but it was clear that she had been from her red eyes. Her make up was running down her cheeks, her clothes ruined and clinging to her from the torrential rain outside. He didn't even know if she'd taken a jacket out with her, let alone where it was. She looked up at him, her expression scaring him because it was one he'd never seen on her face before.

Betrayal. Pain. Disbelief.

"Ziva, God, what happened?" he asked her, bringing her into his arms without a second thought. She didn't fight him as he embraced her, wrapping her arms around him. She didn't even feel bad about getting his shirt wet. He held her, feeling the trembling of her body, either from shock or rage, probably the latter, until he ushered her into the living room. "Wait here," he muttered. He disappeared, leaving her in the living room but returning a few moments later with a pair of his sweat pants and a warm sweater, a towel slung over his shoulder. He handed them to her. "Here, you're soaked," he pointed out. "Get into these and I'll put those clothes in the dryer."

Once again, he stepped out of the room kindly as she got changed. When he came back in, he was sitting on the edge of the couch., staring at the coffee table. He went over, taking her wet clothes from her and placing them on the ground, kneeling before her on the carpet.

"Ziva…" she looked away from him. "Ziva, did he hurt you?" he asked her.

She shook her head, but he thought differently. He knew that this had something to do with Adam. He knew that this would end badly, he knew that he'd hurt her.

"He must have done something," he pressed on.

"Please…do not ask me what happened…" she whispered.

"I have to. If he's done something-"

"Please, Tony," she repeated.

He looked at her for a moment, realising who it was before him. This was Ziva. Ziva David, Mossad Liaison Officer. She wasn't going to tell him anything she didn't want to, no matter what the situation. He bowed his head for a second. "I'll get you something to drink," he said.

He went into the kitchen, taking some deep breaths as he poured a glass of water. Something had happened when she was out with Adam, and it had to be either Adam's fault or Adam was the one who had done it because she wasn't with him now. She was with him. He went back into the living room with the glass, handing it to her. She drank half the glass and then put it down on the coffee table before her. Tony settled on the couch beside her, sitting sideways so that he was facing her.

"Please, Ziva, talk to me," he half-begged, but his voice was soft.

"There is nothing to say."

"You can start with why you turned up on my doorstep, soaking wet, in the middle of the night," he prompted her.

She shook her head. "I cannot tell you."

"Why?"

"Because I was foolish," she revealed, looking away and starting to speak to herself. "I should have known better, I should not have let my emotions cloud my judgement, but…"

"Ziva…"

She continued shaking her head. "Do not ask me again. I will not tell you."

He took her hand in his own. He'd realised this properly now after that day in the elevator; they could make things better for each other by doing this. Just a simple gesture of holding hands got them on their way to solving the problem and getting past the hard part. He'd seen a quote like that once. I feel like I could conquer the world with one hand so long as you were holding the other. Her hand was not warm this time, though. It was freezing. How long had she been out in the rain? He placed his other hand over it, taking both of hers and rubbing them gently, trying to encourage the warmth to return to them.

"Just tell me that he didn't hurt you," he asked her.

She shook her head. "Not physically, no."

"Are you sure?" he checked. "Because you know I'll go over and kill him right now if he even thought about laying a hand on you."

"No, Tony, he did not touch me," she said quietly.

"Well, whatever he did, he'll pay for it," he told her. "Seriously, Abby can cover for us and everything. We could go right now and throw a brick through his window or something. If you want. Maybe if we're lucky we'll get his head…"

His attempt at bringing a smile to her lips failed, however. "It does not matter," she told him.

"Yes, it does," he told her, all seriousness back in his voice. "It matters to me. It matters a lot."

At this, she rested her head against his shoulder. He released her hands so that he could get a better hold of her, and he leaned them both against the back of the couch. He was partly glad that Adam had pissed her off enough for her to fall into his arms like this, but this isn't how he wanted it to be, so he just held her. She'd done what he needed so that he wasn't as broken anymore, so he would do the same for her.

"Tony, I came here because I did not want to be at my home tonight," she revealed. "Adam and I had a ….a disagreement, and if I know him as well as I know I do, then he will surely come to my apartment and try to speak with me."

Tony nodded slowly at her words. "Sounds like there's more to it than that," he picked up.

She nodded in reply. "There is. I am just not ready to tell you yet."

"Well, I'm here for you when you are ready," he told her. "The whole 'here for you' thing works both ways. Remember that."

She nodded against him. "I shall."

They stayed there for a moment, just holding each other. He loved the feeling of her being in his arms, knowing that just by holding her he was helping her. He could feel her breath hitting the skin of his neck, his pulse beating against her temple. Surely she could feel it, and how fast it was beating? He'd never felt this comfortable before, not just holding a woman. He felt like he could stay there for weeks, just holding her; no words needed, just bodily contact that didn't end in sex….wow, did he really just think that?

"Daddy…"

The whine from the doorway startled him, and they both looked up to see Penny standing there, clutching Bertha in her hands. She was as pale as a sheet. "What's wrong, Penny?" he asked her softly, getting up from the couch and going over to her.

"My tummy hurts," she complained as he crouched down before her.

"You feel sick?" he asked her. She nodded, and he stood up, taking her hand. "Okay, come with me," he told her gently. He turned back to Ziva. "Sorry, Ziva, do you mind getting me a glass of water?"

"No, of course," she said, getting up and going into the kitchen.

Tony, on the other hand, took Penny into the bathroom, sitting down on the floor with her before the toilet seat. She sat in his lap, and he checked her fever again. It was higher again - must have been a stomach bug. As he brought his hand down from her forehead, Ziva came in, setting the glass of water on the floor close to him. He thanked her, Penny looked up at Ziva.

"You came back," she observed simply.

Ziva nodded, sitting down on the ground beside Tony. She combed back Penny's hair with her fingers. "Yes, I did. I missed you."

Penny looked like she was about to say something else, but must have suddenly felt worse as she began to cry a little and squirmed uncomfortably in his arms. "Daddy…"

"It's okay, it's okay," he assured her, his voice nothing more than whispered breath into her ear.

They sat there for a while, Tony whispering into her ear, using one arm to rub her back and the other to keep her hair out of her face whilst she leaned over the toilet bowl. Ziva watched him, not once taking her eyes away from his face. The tenderness that overtook him whenever Penny was near now had a strange effect on her. She couldn't deny that she was attracted to Tony, because he was certainly an attractive man, but her main draw had always been to much physically stronger men. Men who could intimidate her, over power her. Men who could take control away from her after she'd been exerting it all day.

Now, however, she was starting to doubt that. She looked at Tony, watching as he whispered gentle words into his daughters ear to prevent her feeling scared on top of unwell. She clung to him, almost painfully sometimes, but he let her, and never asked her to loosen her grip. He allowed her to cry and let out her fear of being ill. At one point, she saw a shadow of fear cross Tony's face when Penny asked if she'd be going to heaven because she was sick, and he'd spent a lot of his whispers of assuring her that she was his, and that she was never going to heaven because she was his angel, and he needed her there with him.

Tony DiNozzo, a man who had been broken severely but was too focused on putting Penny's heart back together to take the time to fix his own.

And it was then, when an exhausted Penny collapsed against her father, weakly whimpering as he helped her to slowly sip the water beside them, that she realised that the strongest men weren't always the ones who were physically powerful.


	20. You Care That Much About Me?

Tony sighed heavily, rolling his neck to stretch out the aching muscles gathering at the top of his spine. It had been a long day in the field, which had ended with him shooting their main suspect before he could in turn shoot McGee. He'd been glad that Ziva had been teamed with him, so that it hadn't ended up being her in the line of fire, but he was still pissed off that some rogue marine with a passion for slicing women's throats after shooting them in the thigh had tried to kill his Probie. Their suspect had died. Dead meant case closed. Case closed meant paperwork. He groaned at a singular thought: case closed and dead meant more paperwork. He wanted nothing more than to collapse at his desk, recover for a few moments and then get started on that paperwork before he realised just how long it was going to keep him there.

However, his desk was already occupied.

Jenny stood behind his chair, her hands placed on the shoulders of his daughter, who sat in the chair, spinning it lightly by kicking her foot against the edge of the desk drawers. He was about to ask if something was wrong before he realised the half-irritated, half-amused expression on the Director's face and the fact that his daughter looked more like a rainbow than a human being.

"What in the name of Gibbs…" he muttered as he looked down at Penny.

"She thought her pens doubled as face paints," Jenny explained to him.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

Penny smiled at him innocently from underneath an array of colour that covered her cheeks. "I wanted to be a butterfly like in the story we read," she told him simply.

"You used your pens on your face?"

"They're not permanent, Tony, I checked." Jenny assured him.

Gibbs walked in at that moment, seeing Tony groaning into his hands before noticing Penny, who grinned at him. He laughed at her. "You need a bath," he told her straight out.

At this, her face paled with horror. "No!" she protested. "No, I'm clean!"

McGee laughed as he sat down and begun his paperwork. "Yeah, definitely Tony's daughter," he said to Ziva, who returned his amused expression.

"Hey, I bathe," Tony argued.

"Occasionally," Ziva teased, as she came to stand beside him.

Penny smiled at her as well. "Shalom, Ziva. I'm a butterfly."

"I can see that," she smiled in reply. "And a beautiful one at that."

As Penny's grin grew more triumphant, Tony looked at Ziva with an appalled expression. "Who's side are you on?" he asked her.

"My own," she grinned at him, before returning to her desk.

"See, Daddy," Penny said, as she jumped down from his desk and stood before him, lifting up the sleeve of her sweater to show that her arms, at least, were pen-free. "See, I'm all clean."

"No, you're not," he told her.

"No bath!" she protested, jumping on the spot as if it helped her cause.

"Penny, you're filthy," Gibbs told her, completely on Tony's side rather than Penny's, for once. "You need a bath."

"Daddy…." she whined, turning back to Tony and jumping around even more.

He shook his head. "Sorry, Princess, he's right. Bath time."

McGee looked at him strangely, having not heard the nickname before. "Princess?" he questioned.

"Not a word, Probie," Tony warned him. "It's our thing, right, Penny?"

She turned to face McGee, the expression she directed at him an image of her father's face. "Yeah, Probie, it's our thing, and I don't want a bath, please!" she stressed, turning back to Tony, thinking that using her 'please' would get her out of her fate.

"Hurry up, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him.

"What?" he asked, watching as his boss, too, went to his desk and begun the post-case paperwork.

"Take her down to the showers. Then you've got paperwork to do."

"But, boss-"

Gibbs shrugged, indicating that he wasn't changing his mind. "If you didn't shoot the guy, then you wouldn't have so much paperwork to do," he reminded him.

Grumbling, Tony hoisted Penny over his shoulder, carrying her fireman-style out of the bullpen. "Come on. Shower."

"But-" she argued.

"The quicker we do this, the quicker it will be over."

\--

Half an hour later Penny came running back into the squad room, giggling insanely. If anything, they heard her before they saw her, the second the elevator doors opened. She stopped in the centre of the bullpen, waiting for Tony to catch up with her. She was wearing an NCIS t-shirt that he'd stolen from the gymnasium downstairs, and it still swamped her tiny, thin frame even though it was the most petite size available. Tony, on the other hand, all but stomped into the bullpen wearing a full NCIS track suit; his hair dripping wet still as he wiped at it with a towel. It stuck up in all directions because of this, making Ziva laugh as much as it did Penny. He took this opportunity to glare at the two of them, but it didn't stop them.

"Tony…" Ziva laughed. "You look…"

Gibbs frowned at him as if he were insane. "Did you take a shower as well, DiNozzo?"

Penny's giggle was their answer. "I like the bubbles."

"DiNozzo?"

He shrugged, going over to his desk. "She likes the bubbles," he repeated.

Obediently, he sat down and begun getting on with his paperwork. Penny went over to the other side of the bullpen, sitting with Ziva at her desk. They'd already arranged for Ziva to get a lift home with them as her car was in the garage, so she was waiting for Tony to finish his paperwork even though she had finished her own already. She went through the tiny backpack that Penny carried with her constantly until she found a comb, and began to untangle her hair, running the comb through the dark strands until it began to dry shining and cleaning. The two of them talked quietly, Ziva explaining how she had once combed and braided her younger sisters hair for her when she was younger. Tony half-listened, glad that Penny didn't ask more about Ziva's sister other than her name. He knew that Tali had been a victim of a roadside suicide bomber, and that it had hurt Ziva more than anything else had done in the world. It was one of the first time she'd ever opened up to him about anything, standing outside the hotel with the single slice of pizza and two Styrofoam cups of coffee.

"Ziva…"

The voice that didn't belong to any of their team mates caused them all to look up, apart from Ziva. She knew the voice. She just stared at the back of Penny's hair, stopping the comb for a moment to take a controlling breath. However, she then went back to combing the young girl's hair, not looking towards her visitor. "What are you doing here, Adam?" she asked him coldly.

"We need to talk," he told her.

She kept her eyes on Penny, who looked at Adam with a scowl. It seemed that Tony's opinion of Lieutenant Gellar had passed onto his daughter. "I do not wish to speak to you," she told him, and while her voice was calm, Tony knew as he watched from across the bullpen that if Penny weren't sitting in her lap, she'd have killed him with the nearest office equipment.

Of course, he also wanted to make Adam suffer. It had been three days, and Ziva still hadn't told him what had gone on with Adam when she had returned to his apartment in such distress in the middle of the night. She insisted that it wasn't worth him worrying about, but this just made him worry more; so much so that when Penny snuck into his bed in the middle of the night he was already awake, contemplating what awful things had happened and how he could make Adam pay for it. He stood from his desk, going over and standing before Ziva's, skilfully placing himself as a barrier between the pair. It wasn't for Ziva's safety, but for Adam's…she'd already been found over a dead body in NCIS before, and while he was part of the group that still believed she hadn't done it and that the death had been natural, he knew that she was more than capable of hurting Adam deeper than he had hurt her; only her pain was emotional rather than physical, as she had assured him. Besides, Ziva had promised him that he'd get to punch Adam first if he hurt her.

"I think you'd better leave," Tony suggested calmly.

"This doesn't involve you," Adam told him quickly.

"You heard her," Tony continued. "She doesn't want to talk to you. So, if I were you, then I'd leave before I hit you. Hard."

He actually smirked at Tony, which only increased his desire to hit him. "Do you really detest me that much, Agent DiNozzo?"

"Special Agent DiNozzo," he corrected. "And yeah, I do."

"Tony," Ziva told him, her usual 'be nice' tone taking place, but this time he knew she was warning him not to make this a physical fight.

"What?" he asked unfairly. "He asked."

Ziva turned to Adam, finally raising her eyes to him. "Adam, I am working," she told him, fighting hard to keep the disgust from her voice. "We will talk another time."

"No, we'll talk now," he argued.

"David," Gibbs intervened, coming over to stand near the growing tension.

"Lieutenant Gellar was just leaving, Gibbs," Ziva told Adam, giving him his cue to leave, which he never took.

Gibbs, however, had other ideas. "If you're going to duke it out, use the elevator, and do it now so that he doesn't barge in here on my time again," he told her. "Go. Now." Ziva surrendered, standing up and handing Penny to Tony over the desk. She started toward the elevator, and Tony placed Penny straight down on the ground, starting to follow her. Gibbs grabbed his arm and held him back. "Not you. Stop right there."

"Boss-" he argued.

"Ziva's a big girl," he reminded him. "She can take care of herself.""But-"

"This isn't your time to step in, DiNozzo," he warned him.

Tony backed down, and Gibbs released his hold on his arm. "If he upsets her, am I allowed to knock him out?" he asked.

"No," Gibbs told him, turning back to his desk but keeping his eyes on the elevator once he had sat down. "That's my job."

\--

Once inside the elevator, almost like tradition with Gibbs' team, Ziva shut it off, the two of them standing in almost darkness. She kept her eyes focused ahead, not dignifying him with the full extent of her attention. "Say what you have to say and then leave," she told him, her voice still cold and filled with the venom of a woman's rage.

Adam turned to her, leaning against the far wall. "I was hoping the anger had passed by now…"

"It has not," she confirmed.

"Ziva, please-"

"Do not ask me to understand any of this, Adam," she told him. "Because I do not, and I never will."

He sighed, keeping his eyes trained on the side of her face, seeing as she wouldn't look at him. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"That does not change the fact that it did," she said.

"You weren't supposed to find out this way…"

She half-laughed at the irony of this. "I was under the impression that I was not supposed to find out at all."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Ziva," he told her.

She was silent for a moment. "Yes, you did," she told him quietly.

"No, I-"

"You lied to me, Adam!" she shot back at him, her voice rising considerably, echoing dangerously off the metal walls around them. "You looked me in the eye and you lied to me!"

"What annoys you more?" he challenged her. "The fact that I lied or the fact that your precious Mossad training didn't pick up on it sooner?"

She chose not to answer this. "Does she know?" she asked him instead.

"Who?"

"You know who."

He was quiet for a second, and then shook his head. "No, she doesn't."

"How many others?"

"There are no others," he was quick to assure her.

She laughed hollowly. "This time I am certain you are lying. How many?" she asked him again. He didn't answer. "How many women, Adam?!"

"Ziva-"

"Tell me!" she ordered, banging her hand against the metal wall.

He sighed. "Four," he surrendered. "Including you."

She shook her head slowly. "You make my skin crawl."

"Oh yeah, I'm the bad guy here," he scoffed.

"I am not the one sleeping with three other women," she pointed out.

"No, but you're the one shacking up with DiNozzo whenever by back is turned," he yelled back at her.

This time, she turned to face him. She could deal with lies, but not accusations. "It is not what occurs behind your turned back that is in question here."

"It is now," he told her. "For all I know you've been pulling a fast one over me as well."

"Tony and I are colleagues," she told him clearly. "Partners. He is having a hard time with a new daughter and I am helping him."

"Yeah, I know what that must be like," he teased. "Partners. Seen it in movies. Tell me, Ziva, how many long stakeouts have you been on together?" he taunted her, taking another step closer to her. "Undercover? Man, I bet there must have been some good times there, am I right?"

"How dare you!"

But before she could protest physically, she found herself pressed against the wall of the elevator, Adam's face disgustingly close to hers. A week ago she'd have relished attention like this from him, but now it just made her stomach churn. "You're my favourite of them all, Ziva," he told her, pressing a harsh kiss to her lips. "You always were."

She threw him off of her, surprised at how easy it had actually been to overpower him. Within seconds she had thrown the switch on the elevator again and the doors were opening by the time he was able to get up and make a grab for her. In the bullpen, the others had all heard the elevator doors open and looked up expectantly. Even from across the room, Tony could see the unshed tears in her eyes, dangerous tears that came from too much anger and no outlet. He growled internally and leaned on Gibbs' desk. Gibbs was looking at Adam in the same way. "Permission to kill, Boss?" he asked.

"No, you've got enough paperwork to do already," he reminded him.

Plan B it was, then. "Permission to render unconscious and cause extreme pain?"

Gibbs nodded. "Granted."

"Ziva, wait!" Adam protested.

"No," she told him, turning on the spot with fire in her eyes as she shoved him. "No, I waited four months for you and then I find this out. No," she shook her head. "No more waiting. I am finished with this."

"We're good together, and you know it," he argued.

"The problem lies in the fact that you are good with other women as well," she spat at him, causing the others to realise what must have happened between the two of them. Tony wanted to go over and kill Adam where he stood, but he didn't. Ziva shook her head slowly. "You are pathetic," she told him. "A poor excuse for a man. I only hope that your other women realise what a mistake they are making."

"This isn't the end of this, Ziva," he said, almost a warning in his voice.

He turned and got into the elevator, leaving Ziva to take a deep breath to compose herself before turning back to her team. She immediately found herself before Tony, and allowed herself a single moment of weakness, resting her head against his shoulder. For a brief moment he wrapped his arms around her, but understood when she pulled away quickly that she would not allow herself to be so easily comforted before her co-workers. Instead, she went back to her desk.

Penny was sitting in her chair, and she looked at Ziva for a moment, deep eyes that seemed to have aged far beyond her years, and then opened up her tiny arms. Smiling sadly, Ziva returned the gesture, bringing the small girl into a tight embrace before sitting back down in her chair with her. Penny pulled away when they were comfortable, looking into Ziva's shining eyes. Tony watched in a small wonder as she used her sleeve to wipe away some of the leaking tears that she was trying to hide by using the bottom of the t-shirt she was wearing. "Don't be sad, Ziva," Penny told her.

"I am not sad," she smiled back, and already, thanks to the small girl that had captured all of their hearts, she felt herself returning to the contentment she'd had moments before Adam had arrived.

"Good," Penny smiled. "Because Daddy said that man was a stupid jerky bastard."

Ziva actually laughed at this. "He is right," she nodded, catching Tony's eye for a moment.

Gibbs looked over at Tony. "Finish your report, DiNozzo, then you can go," he said.

Tony looked surprised. "Just the report?"

"You can do the rest in the morning."

Tony looked back to Ziva, who ignored his attention for the moment. He went and sat down at his desk, and waited a few minutes until he send her an instant message.

AnthonyDiNozzo: Are you okay?

She noticed the presence of the message on her computer and opened it. She reached one arm around Penny and typed back a reply. 

ZivaDavid: I am fine.

AnthonyDiNozzo: Come home with us tonight, he typed back immediately.

ZivaDavid: I will be fine, Tony. I am okay.

He looked at her reply, resisting the urge to walk over to her desk and tell her simply that she wasn't fine, as she'd done to him on more than one occasion, but he decided on a different approach.

AnthonyDiNozzo: If you want to do the girly thing and dive into a tub of ice cream then you can do it at my place. I have ice cream. I have a couch. I even have a secret stash of chick flicks and an adorable daughter who doubles as a teddy bear. I just don't want you on your own tonight.

He noticed a gentle smile cross her lips from across the room as she typed back a single word. 

ZivaDavid: Why?

His answer was simple.

AnthonyDiNozzo: Because you wouldn't let me go through my heartache alone.

\--

They'd done their usual evening routine, watching a movie, eating take out, and chatting on the couch, until Penny's bedtime. However, while Tony usually put Penny to bed alone, silently insisting that it was daddy-daughter time, this time Penny asked for Ziva to help as well. So, she sat at the edge of her bed, with Tony sitting beside her, propped up against the pillows with Penny, and listened as he read the familiar story of Briar Rose to her.

"The Prince went from room to room until he came to the old tower. Going up the winding stair he saw a little door. A rusty key was in the lock and the door was half open. There before him lay the sleeping princess. The Prince bent down to give her a kiss. As he did so the sleeping beauty opened her eyes…" he stopped reading, looking down when Penny didn't attempt to finish the next line of her favourite story as she usually did. Instead, he found that she was curled up amid the pillows, clutching Bertha in one hand and her old faithful stuffed bear in the other, fast asleep. "She's asleep," he said gently, lowering his voice.

"She has been asleep since the brave prince set out on his journey," Ziva revealed.

"Why didn't you say?" he asked her, standing up and replacing the book on her bookshelf. "I would have stopped reading."

"I was enjoying the story," she told him simply

"Who'd have thought?" he teased, as he turned back to her. "Ziva David, fairy tale fan."

"I was read stories as a child, Tony," she reminded him. "I was not raised by wolves."

His face glazed over in mock amazement. "Funny enough, I read her a story like that last night…"

"Shh!" she interrupted him gently, trying not to laugh. "You do not want to wake her."

Instead, Tony smiled, pulling the blankets up over Penny as Ziva stood from the bed. He nestled Penny in the bed, making sure she was comfortable before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her cheek. "Goodnight, Princess Penny," he whispered to her, as he did every night.

The two of them went back into the living room, sitting back down on the couch. Ziva had tried to sit at one end, knowing that without Penny present he would surely ask her about her talk with Adam, but he gave her no chance to keep away from him, sitting down beside her. He put one arm around her, using it to pull her to him. She didn't protest or move against him, settling her head on his shoulder, but she did question it. "Tony…"

"No, Ziva, you have to talk to me," he told her, his tone no longer playful. Fairy tale time was over now, and it was time to face reality.

"It is not important," she said, having told him so many times that the words seemed to have lost meaning.

"Yes, it is," he corrected her. "You were the one who told me not to bottle up my emotions, so don't go all hypocritical on me. Tell me what's going on."

"I am not the first woman this has happened to, Tony."

"I don't care," he told her. "It still happened, and I want to know what it is." She hesitated, and he pulled her up from his shoulder so that he could see her face. Boldly, he put his hand on her cheek, leaning them back against the couch's back rest on their sides, their faces inches apart. His thumb traced up and down her jaw line. "You can trust me, Ziva, you know that, right?" he asked her, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

"I do trust you," she murmured back.

"Then why won't you tell me?" he half begged her.

There was a silence, and then… "Adam and I were dancing for an hour," she began. "Then we went back to his apartment. We began to get passionate and then…" she broke off, moving her eyes so that she was looking over the back of the couch rather than into Tony's compassionate eyes. "…and then he called me by another woman's name."

Shocked, Tony did a double take at this. "What? You mean, like, properly? Not just a similar sounding name?" He couldn't deny that he hadn't done the same thing to many girls, but Ziva wasn't just any girl.

She scoffed a little. "My name does not sound like 'Amy', Tony," she pointed out.

"Oh my God…" he said, his hand stilling on her cheek for a moment. "That bastard!"

She kept her eyes away from his. "I was not the only one that Adam had waiting for him in port when he returned."

"How many?" he asked gently.

"Three others."

"Oh, Ziva…" he whispered, his voice sympathetic but more comforting as he began to trace her jaw line again.

"I should have known this was happening. I am Mossad, Tony. I should have seen the signs…"

"Ziva, you can't go through your whole life thinking that everyone you need is going to let you down," he told her.

She smiled rather ironically. "Most of my life proves otherwise. They either die or disappoint."

Tony looked away for a moment, and then moved his hand, tracing it all the way back through her hair before resting it on her shoulder, pulling her fully against him. She brought her hand up, resting it on his back for a second before taking a fistful of his shirt in her grasp, letting her head rest on his chest. He put his head down on top of hers. "I know I've let you down before, but…" he trailed off, tightening his hold on her. "But…you should know that I'll never do it again. Not intentionally."

"I know," she spoke against him.

"I don't want to be the one who makes you cry like that…like you did the other night," he continued.

She raised her head, looking at him stubbornly. "I was not crying!"

"You had been," he said calmly. "I could tell." He put his hand on her cheek again. "I don't want to be the one who makes you think that you have to be ashamed of your tears. And I don't want to be the one who makes you cry in the first place. It…it hurt me to see you like that," he admitted quietly.

"It did?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Why?" she asked. "You were not the cause of it."

"I know, but…but you're Ziva. My partner. My friend. You're a kick ass girl who shouldn't have had guys treat her like Adam treated you. If it came down to it, I'd rather walk on broken glass and have Gibbs head-slap me for a hundred years than see you cry."

She smiled weakly. "Surely you are exaggerating there, yes?"

He considered what he'd just proposed. "Okay, maybe not the hundred years part, but definitely the broken glass part." This time, she let out a gentle laugh, and he smiled, taking in every curve of her lips. "That's better," he nodded slowly. "Smiling."

She let her laugh die out, and then sighed. "How did I begin falling for that asshole, Tony?" she asked.

"I don't know," he told her honestly. "But he's definitely an asshole." She looked away again, the shame and blows to her pride starting to show again. "Ziva, look at me." She didn't. "Look at me." This time, she did. "Close your eyes. Close. Your. Eyes." Her eyelids flickered shut, and he put his arms around her. "Come here." He guided her back so that she was leaning against him, her head pressed into his neck so that he could feel her warm breath tickling his skin. "Just relax, okay? You're here, and I'm not going anywhere. Adam's going to be sorry for what he did to you, because he's just lost the best thing in the world. So…just forget about everything that he did and remember what an incredible woman you are." He could feel her smiling against him, and her arms tightened around his back. "He doesn't deserve you, Ziva," he whispered to her.

"Thank you, Tony."

"I don't want to see you get hurt again," he added. "I can't."

"You care about me that much?" she asked, sounding a little shocked by this.

"Yes," he whispered, barely audible but she felt the words leaving his throat from the hold she had on him. She sighed, realising how comfortable it was lying in his arms. "Come on, let's get some sleep," he told her.

"I do not want to move," she told him wearily.

"Just down the hall," he told her.

And then he surprised her, lifting her effortlessly into his arms and carrying her down the hall. She tried to hide her shock, but he felt her brow furrowing against his neck, and smiled to himself. He liked that he could still surprise her, even though she was Mossad and probably had ninja techniques to predict his every move. He lay her down on his bed, and she snuggled beneath the covers, neither of them contemplating the fact that they were about to share a bed together for the first time since that far off under cover investigation; and how this time they were friends, not posing as husband and wife. He climbed in beside her, realising that this could certainly raise some questions he didn't want to answer just yet when Penny joined him during the night, but for now he just let Ziva return her head to his shoulder.

"You know that you could have come to me with this sooner, right?" he checked.

"I know," she whispered tiredly.

He smiled at the almost cute exhaustion in her voice. "You're as bad as me sometimes, you know that?" he teased her. "Stubborn to the bone."

"Two of a kind, is the expression, yes?"

"Two in a million, more like," he corrected her.

She sighed tiredly, fidgeting beneath the blankets as she got comfortable. She ended up kicking them down partly, freeing her arms. Eventually, she found her comfort. "Tony?" she whispered, remembering his previous words despite being on the very edge of sleep.

"Yeah?"

"I care about you, too," she told him.

He smiled, taking her hand in his above the blankets as her eyes dropped for the final time. "Sweet dreams, sweet cheeks."


	21. The Least I Can Do

Ziva's eyelids rose with the sun. She was surprised to realised that she'd slept later; usually without an alarm she was still out of bed and on her morning run by the time the sun was rising, but felt more rested than she had done in weeks. A nagging thought of uncertainty was gone from her mind, and the only thing she was aware of in the first few moments of waking was not what she needed to do before leaving for work, but rather that she was comfortable. With a gentle sigh, she opened her eyes, which almost bounded from their sockets when she realised what 'comfortable' also coincided with.

Three inches from her face, was Tony DiNozzo.

She froze, not that she was barely moving to start with. Worry flooded over her, replacing the warmth that had previously washed over her when her eyes had opened. Had they slept together? She moved her eyes down her body, realising that even though she was beneath the blankets she was still fully clothed, as was he. She was still wearing the clothes she'd worn to work, however. Tony didn't look much more comfortable in the jeans and shirt he'd changed into once they'd arrived back at his apartment. She remembered him offering her some sweat pants and a t-shirt to change into, but she hadn't really planned on staying much longer than after Penny had gone to sleep.

But she had stayed. And she had told him the truth about Adam's betrayal. And she had acted completely beyond her usual behaviour by breaking down. Worse still, she had broken down in front of her partner, who was only ever supposed to see her in moments of strength. She knew how hard it was to be a woman in the world they lived in, especially in their choice of career, and sobbing into her partners chest about her boyfriend cheating on her probably wouldn't help the respect level much.

He had to respect her though, she realised, otherwise he'd have taken advantage of her need for comfort last night.

Instead of luring her into bed for nothing more than a night of meaningless sex, he had climbed in beside her and let her sleep curled in his embrace. She was willing to bet it was the first time a woman had slept in this bed without just sleeping, but she ignored this thought. Tony had been there for her, and even in sleep it looked as if he still were. Above the blankets, filling the minute gap between their bodies, their hands were sprawled on the bed clothes, beside each other in perfect symmetry but not touching. She smiled, despite herself. He really had been there for her last night. He took care of her, even though whenever any advancement in their friendship seemed to beg for more than a kiss on the cheek and a friendly hug she always seemed to find a reason to step back. Maybe they really were just too good friends…or maybe…

She shook herself before the voice in her head began to sound like Abby's conspiracy theory. No, she told herself. She was recovering from Adam's betrayal and Tony's comfort was nice. She could hardly have rejected his offer of help when she had scolded him for doing the same thing only days before.

She moved slowly, rolling out of the bed and sneaking from the bedroom. Thankfully Tony was still fast asleep, and she'd remained in the doorway for a moment, watching him. He looked peaceful, and she was glad to realise that he was sleeping properly once again. On the bedroom floor was her jacket, which had been thrown on the bed when she arrived and since moved onto the floor sometime since. She looked in the pocket, retrieving her cell phone. There were a dozen missed calls - none from Gibbs, which meant that they didn't need to arrive at work any earlier than usual - but plenty from Adam. Without reading or listening to any of them she deleted them, slipping her cell phone into her pocket. Both her and Tony must have slept deeply as neither of them had heard her phone ringing. She wouldn't have answered it, but she imagined that Tony would have had a choice few words to direct at Adam.

A noise from down the hall distracted her, and she realised what was wrong with the sleeping image of Tony…once she had left the bed, he had been alone. She looked over her shoulder, immediately noticing the half-open door that led into Penny's room. From what she had learned, Penny always ended up in Tony's bed during the night, so she was confused to realise that there hadn't been a three-year-old snug between them that morning.

She went down the hall, standing now in another doorway as she found the source of the noise. There, in the middle of the bedroom, was Penny. Of course, she was hidden by a sweater, which seemed to have become entangled in her limbs and wrapped itself around her head, only a small portion of her dark hair poking out of the top. She'd already tried to put her own jeans on, even if they were on backwards and haphazardly done up. After a moment, Penny managed to get half of her face visible through the opening of the sweater, and Ziva smiled at her, giving her a tiny wave.

"Ziva!" Penny said, excitement in her tone.

"Hush, Penny," she whispered back, placing a finger to her lips. "Your father is still sleeping."

"Look!" she continued, flailing her arms so that the sweater flapped around. "I can do it nearly by my self!"

Ziva crouched before her, helping her to put the clothes on properly. Once the jeans were on the right way round and the sweater was now being worn rather than looking like some form of entrapment, she smiled at her. "That is not the only thing you have done this morning. Did you stay in your own bed all night?" Penny nodded proudly, and Ziva broke out in a grin, hugging the small child. "Oh, Penny, your father will be so pleased!"

"And then he won't get sad anymore?" she asked hopefully.

Ziva pulled back, smiling still. "When people are sad it helps when somebody does something to help them," she explained.

Penny frowned. "Does this help Daddy?"

Ziva nodded. "Yes, for when he finds out what a big girl you have been, he will be so proud of you."

Penny smiled at the thought, and then begun her usual train of morning thought. "I'm hungry."

"When your father wakes up we can have some breakfast," Ziva told her.

"I'm already up."

Both Penny and Ziva looked to the doorway to see Tony leaning against the doorframe, a fond smile on his lips. He was wearing a robe now, so he must have woken almost immediately after Ziva had left the room. She wondered how long he had been watching them, but didn't question it as Penny jumped and ran towards him, jumping up and down excitedly before him.

"Daddy! Daddy! I slept in my bed all night! By myself! All night!" she told him.

Tony developed an over-exaggerated look of shock and amazement that he knew now that Penny loved. "Oh my God, did you really?"

"Yeah, all night!" she told him.

He jumped down quickly, lifting her up and holding her above his head. "Oh, Penny, well done!" Penny giggled as he lifted her up and down in the hair, her hair shaking around her shoulders. "I am so, so, so proud of you!"

"I'm a big girl."

"Yeah, any bigger and I won't be able to pick you up anymore," he told her, bringing her down and settling her on his hip. He looked at Ziva. "Did you hear that, Ziva? We've got a big girl sleeping in her own bed now."

"I did hear," Ziva said, as she stood and went over to the doorway with them. "She certainly is grown up."

"Right, I need to shower," Tony announced. "Why don't you two find yourself some breakfast and then we'll make sure we celebrate having a big girl in the house!"

"Yeah!" Penny said, dropping from Tony's side and scurrying away into the kitchen.

Of course, this left Tony and Ziva alone in the hall. She looked at him for a moment, before realising that something needed to be said. Only she didn't know what. "Um…Tony…"

He looked shocked. "Wow."

"What?" she asked.

"I don't think I've ever seen you nervous before."

She gaped a little. "I am not nervous!"

"You're stumbling over your words," he pointed out. "Very unlike you."

"I just wanted to thank you for last night," she told him.

He shrugged. "It's the least I can do."

"Tony…"

"Look, if you're going to keep telling me not to thank you, then you're not allowed to thank me either," he told her, a touch of amusement in his eyes even though they both knew how serious he was about the situation. "We look out for each other, okay?"

She nodded, a gentle smile filling her face. "Okay."

"Now, if you don't mind keeping Penny occupied for a few minutes, I've gotta make some phone calls as well," he told her.

"To whom?"

"The rest of the team," he said simply. "We have ourselves a big girl to congratulate now, and I want everyone to make a big deal out of it for her."

She smiled. No matter how much Tony thought he was doing a terrible job as a father, he knew exactly what to do in his heart. "That will be nice for her."

He nodded gently, smiling as he saw into the living room, where Penny was now sitting on the couch humming to herself as she waited for Ziva. "This is the first milestone I've been around for in her life," he said quietly.

Ziva put a hand on his arm, bringing his eyes back to her. "There will be many more, Tony," she assured him. "Now," she scrunched up her noise. "Go shower, you stink!"

\--

When they arrived at NCIS, there was an added bounce to Penny's usual habit of skipping ahead of Tony. They'd left a little earlier so that Ziva could go back to her apartment and change before work. Penny, however, skipped right past Gibbs, who was walking down the edge of the bullpen when she passed him, and went straight over to his desk. Disappointment and confusion filled her face when she saw that he was not there, as he was every morning. When she turned to question his absence, she was pleased to find that he was standing right behind her.

"Were you playing Hide and Seek, Uncle Gibbs?" she asked him.

"All the time," he told her. "You're very happy today."

"Yeah, really happy," she grinned.

Tony came to stand beside Penny, lifting her up onto his hip so that she was the same level as Gibbs. "Did you tell him what you did last night?" he asked her.

Penny looked at Gibbs, puffing out her chest proudly. "I stayed in my own bed all night by myself," she told him.

"Well done, Penny. I bet your Dad was real proud of you."

"You bet he was," Tony grinned.

"I'm a big girl now," Penny continued.

Gibbs smiled. "Then how about we go down to the coffee shop on the corner and celebrate by getting you a big hot chocolate with lots of chocolate sprinkles while your Dad does his work?" he asked her, as if it were some conspiracy.

Penny grinned. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

She nodded and smiled, before spotting McGee. She wriggled out of Tony's hold and ran over to him, tugging on the side of his jacket as he struggled to balance his coffee and Abby's caff-pow along with his bag. "Guess what, Uncle Probie, guess what!" she told him.

Tony turned back to Gibbs. "Great, you did get the message!"

Gibbs looked blankly at him. "What message?"

"I left a message on your cell phone about Penny…" he said. "I wanted everyone to make a big deal out of it for her. You know, to encourage her."

Gibbs shrugged. "Never got any message."

\--

In between calling witnesses, Tony often looked around him. He'd looked up once and seen McGee researching baby name websites. The next time he'd seen Gibbs glare at McGee and tell him to get on with his work. After that he'd looked at Ziva, who'd been given the same job he had. She looked at him, raising her eyebrows in a shared expression of sympathy for the task at hand, and then he dialled another number. The next time he looked up, however, he found his view blocked. Cynthia was frowning down at him, almost impatiently as Penny stood beside her, holding Cynthia's hand while her other arm swung backwards and forwards.

"She escape again?" Tony asked, almost hesitatingly.

"Twice," Cynthia confirmed.

Penny's escaping from Jenny's office had become almost ritual. She'd decide that she wanted her pigtails redone, or that she wanted Ducky to tell her a story, or that she wanted to see Daddy and Ziva just because, and when she realised that Cynthia was on the phone she'd leave by her own will. Penny started jumping up and down on the spot, giggling.

Tony frowned, and beckoned her round to him. "Hey, come here." She went behind his desk, standing before his chair as he turned and leaned down close to her. "You can't keep running off, Penny, or I won't be able to leave you with Cynthia while I work."

"But-"

"No buts," he told her. "You stay where Cynthia tells you, okay? Otherwise we'll have to look at day care centres for you."

Penny pouted, jumping to emphasis her discomfort with this topic. "No day care!" she protested.

"Then you have to do what Cynthia tells you. Listen to her."

"Okay," she said grumpily.

Tony noticed something on her cheek, and touched it. "What have you been eating?" he asked her, when he realised that what was covering half her face was in fact food remains.

"Nothing."

"Is this cake frosting?" he asked her.

"No," Penny said, shaking her head.

"Yes," Cynthia corrected her.

"Just a little bit," Penny excused herself.

Tony looked at Cynthia. "Where did she get cake from?"

"The girls in administration had a whip around for a birthday and got a cake. A certain little girl got hold of it and ate a quarter of it to herself," Cynthia told him. "And it was hardly a small cake, either."

Tony groaned into his hands. "Penny…"

"The cake was lovely, Daddy, you should eat some," she told him brightly.

"That wasn't yours," he explained slowly.

"I asked first," she assured him. "I said 'please'too."

Tony didn't know what to say to this, especially since the past few days had been a haze of introducing the word 'please' to her. Instead, he watched as she started skipping around in a circle, singing to herself. "Penny…" she didn't listen, and continued to sing. Gibbs came in and stared at her strangely. "I hate sugar highs," Tony mumbled.

"You ever seen a real sugar high, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

He looked almost worried. "This isn't a real one?"

"It could be a lot worse," his boss told him, putting an evidence bag on his desk. "Take this down to Abby."

"On it, boss," he said, eager to escape the sugar induced high that could apparently get 'a lot worse'.

\--

Down in the lab, Tony found Abby standing before her computers with an odd expression on her face, her hand gently rubbing at her stomach. He eyed her carefully, wondering whether he should turn around in case he was attacked by hormones or whether something was genuinely wrong. Realising that facing Gibbs's wrath was arguably worse than pregnant Goth wrath, he entered the lab, coming to stand beside her. "Hey, the boss wants you to do your magic with our dead guy's wallet," he said simply.

"Okay," she said. Nothing else. Just 'okay'.

He noticed that expression, the 'somethings wrong I just don't know what' expression, and frowned. "You okay, Abs?"

"I'm hot, sticky, tired, sore, nauseous…pretty much pregnant," she summed up for him tiredly.

"No, seriously, you don't look so good," he told her, mentally adding 'pale' to the list she'd just given him.

"I'm fine," she brushed him off, forcing herself to perk up as she turned to him. "I heard you and Ziva shacked up last night."

Horrified, he forgot about his worry. "What? No. She just stayed over."

"Interesting…" she trailed off.

"Nothing happened, Abs," he stressed. "Adam turned up here yesterday and pissed her off, so I took her back home with me and Penny for dinner. She told me what happened with Adam and then I let her stay. Nothing happened."

"She told me what happened as well," she nodded. "She was down here this morning."

"Yeah," Tony said, sitting on a nearby stool. "The bastard."

Abby nodded simply. "I see you have some negative emotions towards Adam as well," she noted casually.

"Many of them," he confirmed.

"And how are you planning on working through these negative emotions?" she asked him.

"The next time I see Adam I'm going to kill him with my bare hands," he said, rather lightly considering his words.

"Clearly we're going to have to keep you away from him until this phase passes, because there are only so many times I can get you off a murder charge. I couldn't help you if you actually did do it…especially if you didn't let me help," she added conspiratorially.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I think we can pull it off between us. Are you free this weekend?"

"Why wait?" she grinned. However, suddenly, her face turned into a painful wince. She leaned over, doubling down and holding her stomach with one hand while the other gripped the table beside her.

"Abby?" Tony asked, on his feet and at her side instantly.

"That's three times today…" she murmured to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," she tried to assure him. Her attempt to stand up and prove this was thwarted, though, when the pain caused her to bend down again.

"It doesn't look like nothing," Tony pointed out.

"It's nothing, Tony."

"Abby, if it's nothing, why are you crying?"

She was silently for a moment, raising a hand to touch her cheeks. Black water covered her fingertips when she pulled her fingers back, showing that not only was she crying, but her carefully applied make up was also running rather hideously. "Oh my god. I am crying," she realised.

"Abs, talk to me. What's going on?" Tony asked her.

She bit her lip and then surrendered. "Can you do something for me without telling McGee?" she tested him.

"Of course, what do you need?"

"I need you to take me to the hospital," she told him, her voice shaking.

"Why, are you okay?"

She shook her head. "I think I might be losing the baby."

\--

Tony and McGee sat side by side in the empty corridor. A cup of coffee was held by each of the agents, but neither of them did anything to stare at the dark liquid in the plastic cup. Abby had been whisked away for examination and hadn't been heard from since, much to their disappointment. Sure, she had asked him not to tell McGee, but no sooner had the examination room doors closed, Tony had been on the phone to the younger agent, because he couldn't bare to leave him in the dark about the fate of his child.

"She's been an hour," McGee observed. "How long does this take?"

"I don't know," Tony murmured, still looking down.

"Do you think she's okay?"

He wanted more than anything to be able to answer with a 'yes', but found that he simply shrugged. "I don't know," he repeated.

"Gibbs is going to kill us when he finds out we've both gone," McGee pointed out, if only to make conversation.

"Ziva's going to kill us when she has to take the rap for it because she's the only one there," Tony countered.

"Down two agents and a forensic specialise in the middle of a case…"

"Some things are more important," Tony cut him off softly.

"Why did you call me?" Tony was silent, not answering his question. "You said that Abby asked you not to, so why did you?"

"Because a father has every right to know what's happening to his child and it's mother," Tony told him, the coffee still captivating his attention as he remembered everything that had happened with Alicia.

So maybe he hadn't exactly called McGee because he was McGee. Usually, he'd have respected Abby's wishes and kept this whole ordeal a secret from McGee, but Penny, as much as he hadn't thought it until now, had changed him. The reason he'd called McGee was because he'd realised that it was his chance to make sure that Abby's child didn't grow up like Penny had done: without a father. For Penny, there had been no middle ground; she'd gone from having a mother but no father, to a father with no mother. She'd never gain the balance, but Abby and McGee's baby was going to be different. Abby and McGee's baby would not have a father who was 'on holiday' when in reality he didn't know that his child existed. Abby and McGee's baby wouldn't lose it's mother through unforeseen circumstances that were just too unfair to consider. Abby and McGee's child wouldn't be abused by grandparents who didn't even want the child around. Abby and McGee's baby would have a family, through not through blood, who would be there whenever they were needed, and even when they weren't.

And McGee, most importantly to Tony, was going to be there. He couldn't bare to see Abby, more like his little sister than his friend, have to raise a baby alone when there was a perfectly good father around. Perfectly good? Did he really think that? Yes, he realised, as he stared down at the coffee with a fascination worthy of Gibbs. McGee was going to be the sensible sort of father, he realised, but a brilliant father nonetheless. He'd be there, sitting at his child's side as they did their homework. Tony could see him struggling with a little girl's hair just as he did. He could see him struggling to keep up with a little boy who was running circles around him. Yes, he could see them struggling, but what parent didn't?

He could see this baby changing McGee; giving him confidence. He could see McGee growing up even more, but at the same time, growing down. He knew that McGee would learn the importance of playing camping using only the table and a bed sheet. He'd learn that the best stories weren't novels based on co-workers, but stories about dragons and heroes and winning the princess's heart. He'd learn that you could spend the best morning at the end of the summer walking through a park just to feed the last loaf of bread to a group of ducks. He'd understand that to raise a child you still had to have a child in your heart.

Tony knew he'd understand, and that he'd learn, because he already had.

McGee nodded gently, realising that, for Tony at least, this stemmed beyond Abby, but the fact that he was there waiting with him was enough for him. "Thanks, Tony."

"No problem."

There was another silence, which soon became unbearable again. "While we're waiting, can I ask your advice on something?" McGee asked.

"Is it something I can give advice about?" Tony checked.

"I think so."

"Then yeah, go ahead."

McGee cleared his throat. "I was thinking I'd ask Abby to marry me."

Tony let out a breath, sitting up properly and leaning back against the seat he was in. "Wow. That's very….huge."

"I thought it'd be the right thing to do," he explained.

"You 'think'?" Tony asked.

"She's having my baby, the least I can do is marry her."

"I guess so," Tony nodded.

"Besides, statistically, married men live longer than single men do," he continued.

"Yeah, but married men are a lot more willing to die," Tony shot back. "Besides, how do you know that for sure? Maybe it just seems like longer. And I'd love to see Abby's face when you tell her that your proposal is backed up by statistics. I know that she has weird ways of justifying things, but not that weird."

"You don't think I should do it?" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't think you should do it because you feel obligated," Tony corrected.

"Would you have married Penny's mother if you knew?"

Now, there was a question. "Maybe," he said sadly, remembering being young and foolish and wanting nothing more than him and Alicia forever. "I was a different guy back then." He snapped out of it, remembering who he was talking to. "Don't ask her to marry you because you feel like you should. If you want her to marry you, then you should do it because you love her, not just the baby."

"Right," McGee nodded.

"Do you love her?" Tony checked.

"Of course, I do," he replied - no hesitation. Only truth.

"Does she know that?"

"Yes," he nodded firmly.

"Then those are the right reasons to ask her," Tony contributed.

The two men looked at each other, and then a doctor came out. "Is there someone for Abigail Scuito out here?"

"Yes," McGee said, standing up instantly. "I'm her….I'm the baby's father. Is she okay?"

"Tim, I presume?"

"Yes."

"She's asked to see you," the doctor smiled. "This way."

Tony hung back in the doorway as McGee went to Abby's bedside. He wasn't in view, but he could still hear every word they were exchanging.

"Hey, how did you know I was here?" McGee asked her.

"I knew Tony would call you."

"I'm glad he did….are you okay?"

"Yeah, it was a false alarm."

"So, the baby's…?"

"Staying put exactly where it is until it's ready to come out."

Tony heard McGee's sigh match the relief in his own heart when he heard that. "Thank God for that."

"You were worried?"

"Terrified."

"Me too."

The pair started talking about a scan picture that Abby had been given, and Tony couldn't help but be happy. He'd missed this with Penny…

…and speaking of the little rascal.

"Auntie Jenny, why does the coffee go cold so fast?"

"Because, Penny, they secretly don't you want you be able to enjoy it for any length of time."

"Bastards."

Tony frowned, realising more the fact that removing the word 'bastard' should have come before introducing the world 'please' into her vocabulary than the fact that she was there. However, the small girl spotted Tony and ran to him.

"Daddy!"

He picked her up, lifting her onto his hip as Jenny followed after her. "Penny, what are you doing here, Princess?" he asked her.

"I'm sorry to bring her here, Tony, but it was an emergency," Jenny told him.

"Everything okay?"

"Gibbs and Ziva are following a lead, Cynthia went home sick, Ducky's busy with autopsy and I have to go meet the Director of the CIA and do some damage control," she explained.

"Does the boss want me back?" he asked.

"He wants you to stay and make sure McGee doesn't lose his head," she told him.

Tony smiled back in the direction of the room. "I don't think he will," he said confidently.

"Has there been any news?"

He nodded. "Probie's in with Abs now. Her and the baby are fine. It was a false alarm."

"Thank God."

"Things are getting dramatic around here, aren't they?" he commented lightly.

"Life would be boring if it weren't dramatic," Jenny pointed out. "It would be nice if the dramatic things were kinder to our hearts than they have been lately."

"Yeah."

He looked in at McGee and Abby, the latter of which was tracing an outline on a scanned picture to an amazed Probie. Penny also looked at them. "Is Auntie Abby okay, Daddy?"

Tony smiled. "Yeah, Princess, she's all better now."

But he wasn't. He tightened his hold on Penny. Abby had almost lost her child that day, to circumstances that were beyond her control, showing him the very real discovery that God worked in ways that were more devastating than mysterious sometimes. Kate died. Paula died. Alicia died. Abby nearly lost her child.

What if something happened to make him lose his?


	22. It's Not That Hard

Abby had been forced into taking a week off to rest after her near miss with the baby. It was only when McGee had joined in Gibbs and Jenny's argument that she'd started to listen. Of course, she'd already insisted that she didn't want people telling her how to bring up her child, because she knew from watching her old friends from college with their children how irritating it could be, but it was different with McGee because this was his child as well. So, when he insisted, actually pleaded with her to take the time off, she started to realise that it may well be for the best. Luckily for her temporary replacement, however, they didn't have any major cases.

This was how, mid-morning and mid-week, the team ended up having lunch together. Or at least, as together as they could be as a team without Gibbs. He'd gone for coffee and hour ago, suspiciously ten minutes after Director Shepherd had, so the others were gathered around Ziva's desk. She sat in her chair, leaning back casually against it with her lunch on her lap. Tony sat sideways, with his feet up against the front of her desk. Penny had joined them for lunch as they weren't busy so she was sitting in Tony's lap with hers, while Tony balanced his around her. McGee sat on the other corner of Ziva's desk, only without his feet up. They were all talking about nothing when Penny decided to just steer the conversation to her favourite conversation topic: when Ziva was next coming over.

"Daddy, you should ask Ziva if you can cook dinner for her at our house," she ordered him.

Tony looked at Ziva, who mirrored his confusion. "Should I?"

"Yeah," Penny decided.

"Ad why's that?" he asked, when he realised that he had no idea whatsoever as to where this was going.

Penny almost, almost, tried to roll her eyes at him. "Because I like her and she's my friend and you like her too and she likes you and she's your friend and because her boyfriend was a dick!"

Tony frowned, watching his daughter's 'see, it's obvious' look and trying to figure out what she'd just told him. Something about friends and dinner. "And that means I have to cook her dinner?" he checked.

"Yeah."

"Penny," he said slowly. "You do realise that Ziva has dinner with us nearly every single night?"

"This has gotta be nice and special," she told him.

"It does?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because she needs someone to be nice to her and it should be you," she told him simply."

"Why me?" he asked.

In response, he got another long winded answer. "Because you're her friend and you look after each other lots so you should make her a nice special dinner and you should both look nice as well."

Tony scrunched up his eyes, almost dreading the thought of his already-confusing little girl becoming an even more confusing teenager one day. "I'll never understand how your mind works," he realised.

"Ask her!" she told him, shaking his arm so that he nearly dropped his sandwich.

He rolled his eyes, both Ziva and McGee watching him with amused expression because they'd heard every word said between father and daughter. "Ziva," he said in a bored tone, "would you like to come and have dinner with us sometime?"

"Tonight," Penny prompted.

"Tonight," he repeated obediently.

"Say please."

He looked like he had swallowed something nasty. "Please," he said in a very forced voice.

McGee laughed. "I wish I'd filmed that," he said, poking his pasta pot with his fork. "Tony DiNozzo taking orders from a three-year-old girl. How can you refuse that?" he asked Ziva.

She laughed, and turned back to Penny. "Penny, I would love to have dinner with you and your father tonight," she answered.

Penny looked at Tony. "See, it's not THAT hard."

\--

When the door knocked that evening, Tony wasn't surprised when Penny ran towards the door at top speed. She seemed to know when Ziva was at the door, and loved to answer it herself - something Tony was less fond of thanks to the time she'd had a three minute conversation with a window salesman because he'd been in the bathroom. He'd had a child lock installed on the door the next morning. This time, however, he was prepared, and caught her in the hall, grabbing her and setting her back down on the floor before him.

"Wait," he told her. "How do I look?"

She smiled at him. "You look pretty," she told him.

"I'm a man, Penny," he told her. "Men don't look pretty, they look handsome."

"You look handsome, Daddy," she smiled.

He caught a look at himself in the mirror. "You don't think I look too much like Brad Pitt?"

Penny giggled. "Shut up, Daddy."

They laughed, and he moved to answer the door. "Go put your pyjamas on, okay?" he told her, watching as she disappeared into her bedroom. Penny had already had her dinner for the evening, under the insistence that it would be a 'special dinner for Ziva and Daddy', and had promised to go to bed without a fuss.

He opened the door, immediately appreciating his daughter's determination for the two of them to dress up nicely. Ziva was dressed in a cerulean blue strap top and white trousers, which contrasted to his black trousers and back. He was too busy taking her in to notice the approving look she gave him after the quick once over. They both thought that one another looked gorgeous, but neither of them would admit it aloud. To be honest, Tony was pleased that Penny had given him an excuse to invite Ziva over in a way that would make her think about her beauty and enhance it just a little, just enough for her to appreciate how beautiful she was to him. Ever since she had stayed over because of 'that bastard', as Adam was now known to them all, even Penny, Tony couldn't stop thinking about how it had felt to fall asleep beside her, feeling her breath against his neck as she gained the comfort she needed from his embrace.

"Hey, come in," he told her, trying to clear his throat as he said this.

"Thank you," she said, moving in the apartment.

She entered, and he shut the door behind her. Of course, when she put her bag down on the ground and hung her jacket up on the coat pegs beside the door, it revealed just how much of her back was on show from her top. She ran her fingers through her hair, combing it after the wind had knocked it into a mild frizz, and when it swept to the side Tony was given a full view of her back. Thankfully, he was saved from being caught gawking by Penny running down the hall and throwing herself at Ziva's legs. She was so excited that he didn't even bother to point out that she was clearly not wearing her pyjamas like he'd told her.

"Ziva, you're here!" she grinned.

"Shalom, Penny," she replied, trying to regain her balance by steadying herself against a doorframe.

"You look really pretty."

"Thank you very much."

"Go in and sit down if you want," Tony offered. "I'm just finishing up dinner."

"Okay," she smiled, before turning to Penny. "Are you coming with me, Penny?"

She nodded, tugging on Ziva's hand. "Yeah, Daddy can cook well on his own," she assured her.

Ziva laughed at this, allowing herself to be lead away by the young girl. "I am sure he can."

They went into the living room, and she instantly noticed the dining room end of the large room, which was definitely decorated nicely. The table was set for two, a bottle of wine already set out with two glasses between a pair of red candles.

"Your father has certainly made the table look nice," she observed, as her and Penny sat down on the couch. She stared at the table, unable to believe that Tony had done this for her.

"I made him do it," Penny told her proudly.

"You did?"

"Yeah, to make sure that you smile lots tonight."

This alone brought a smile to her lips. "You have already made me smile, Penny,"

"Daddy said your boyfriend was a dick," she said, emphasising the word that she knew she wasn't allowed to say.

"He is," she agreed, "but he is not my boyfriend anymore."

"Good," Penny smiled. "He's not a very nice boyfriend if he's not nice to you."

"No, he isn't," Ziva smiled lightly.

"Are you sad because of him?" she asked quietly.

"No," she replied honestly. "Not so much anymore, but I was."

"Is that why you stayed at our house?" she asked.

"Yes," she nodded.

"Did Daddy help you not be sad?"

"He did, yes."

"He helps me not be sad as well," Penny agreed. "He looks after us lots."

"He is good at it," Ziva smiled.

"I'm happy you came over for dinner," she told her brightly. "That means Daddy can look after you more and make you even more not sad!"

"I am sure he will."

"Yeah, Daddy said he likes making his girls smile."

Ziva smiled curiously, about to question the 'his girls' comment when Tony entered the room. "I hope you like Fettuccine Alfredo," he told her.

"I have not had that in years," Ziva said appreciatively.

"Good," he smiled, with the same decisiveness as Penny. "It's my specialty."

She looked at him in disbelief. "I have been your partner at work for two years, Tony. You have cooked for me several times now and I have yet to taste your specialty?"

He shrugged simply. "I haven't been forced into this by a little girl before."

Her eyes fell on the table again. "The table looks wonderful."

Again, he shrugged. "I thought I'd use all this stuff seeing as I never had," he explained.

"Then why did you buy it to begin with?" she asked.

Another shrug. "I thought it might have impressed a date."

"But this is not a date," she pointed out.

"Yeah, it is," Penny said brightly.

"No, it's not," Tony told her.

"But you said a date was when two people have dinner together," she told him.

"It's not a date, Penny," he told her.

Penny was about to protest when there was another knock at the door. However, the person on the other side of it was not who he expected. Penny suddenly disappeared down the hall, and Ziva followed Tony to the door.

"Boss?" he questioned, when he saw who was there.

Gibbs simply looked over his shoulder. "Is Penny ready?"

"Ready?" he asked. "Ready for what?"

"She didn't tell you?"

At that moment, Penny appeared at Tony's side, clutching her backpack before her. "I'm ready, Uncle Gibbs," she smiled.

"And where do you think you're going?" Tony asked her.

"I'm gonna sleep in Uncle Gibbs' house tonight," she told him.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. I said 'please'," she assured him.

"Don't you think you should have told me?" he pointed out.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," she told him. "So you and Ziva can have your date."

Gibbs nodded his head a little. "You gotta admit, she's as sneaky as her father."

"I'm not sneaky," Tony denied instantly.

"You didn't tell me you had a date with Ziva tonight," he pointed out.

"It's not a date," Ziva explained.

"He didn't tell me you were 'visiting', then," Gibbs corrected. "He usually brags about these things."

Tony looked down at the ground. "Well…if I told you…you'd…hurt me."

Gibbs stared him down, secretly enjoying the fact that he could render Tony as ashamed as a scolded child. "Penny will be fine at mine. I'll bring her in to work with me in the morning." Tony stared to protest, but he stopped him. "She'll be fine. A night off will do you good." He held out his hand to Penny. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah. Bye, Daddy. Bye, Ziva."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" Tony exclaimed, crouching down to her level. "You be good for him, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"And if you want to call me and say goodnight you can," he assured her.

"Okay. Bye, Daddy."

He hugged her, realising that this was the first night since she'd arrived that he'd spend without her. "Bye, Princess."

Penny moved next to hug Ziva's legs, and then beckoned her down to her level. Ziva leaned down and Penny started to whisper loudly to her. "I hope Daddy makes you smile more. He wants to make you feel better and make you smile because your boyfriend was a dick and Daddy said that he never 'aserved you anyway. He said you need a nice man who knows you prop'ly. He said so. I heard him."

"Did you now?" Ziva half-laughed curiously.

"Yeah, but I think he doesn't want you to know that."

Ziva whispered back. "It will be our secret then," she assured her.

Penny giggled, "Bye!"

And with that she was gone. Tony was stunned for a moment, as he realised that she was already down the hall with Gibbs. "Is something wrong?" Ziva asked him.

"I didn't think she'd be going to her first sleepover when she was three years old," he admitted.

"I hardly think they will be staying up all night to paint one another's toe-nails," she assured him.

"I really hope not, it might give her some kind of mental trauma," he said, as they closed the front door and went back to the kitchen. This time, Ziva followed him, sitting at the breakfast bar and watching him tend to the dinner. "Nah, she'll come back tomorrow with a tool kit announcing she wants to build a boat," he assured himself.

"Luckily you do not have a basement," she pointed out.

"Yeah," he nodded. "What were you two giggling about anyway?" he asked her.

"It is a secret," she smirked.

He sighed. "Great, she's already keeping secrets from me. I didn't realise she was a teenager already."

"Do not worry," she told him. "It is not a bad secret."

"Good, the last thing I need is you two ganging up on me."

"Worried?" she teased him.

"Wouldn't you be?"

She smiled. "Dinner smells wonderful, Tony," she complimented.

"Of course it does," he bragged. "I'm making it." He smiled for a moment, watching her out of the corner of his eye. "You know, it's weird watching you with Penny," he said, knowing that now was the perfect time to bring up his suspicions now that Penny wasn't around.

"Strange?" she asked, looking suspiciously.

"No…it looks…I don't know…natural," he realised.

She smiled softly. "It is nice to see the innocence in the world for a change."

"You like kids, don't you?"

"Penny is a wonderful child, Tony. Anybody would find it a treasure to be around her." Tony nodded slowly, paying close attention to the dinner. "Do you like children?" she asked him.

He shrugged. "I never really thought about it before Penny came along. Not seriously, anyway."

"I suppose that having somebody you can love and call your own has to be special, yes?"

He smirked at her. "You, on the other hand, clearly have thought about this before."

"Every young girl wishes to grow up and be a mother, Tony," she said, her voice distant. "There was a time when I wanted nothing more than that dream."

"You never thought about going for it?" he asked.

The distance in her voice faded, and she scoffed at the idea. "I am a Mossad officer, Tony. The majority of my family members were either so deeply involved that they would never be able to leave, or they were killed as acts as revenge because of this. It was not a safe environment to bring a child into and it still is not."

Tony was silent for a moment, noticing the strange expression on her face. It was like she was forcing herself to believe what she had just told him. He didn't know what the expression meant, but he knew enough to know that he wanted to make it disappear. Instead of questioning her, however, he held up two plates. "Dinner is served."


	23. Scared You Can't Do It?

Okay, he'd promised himself that he wasn't going to bring this up again, but he just had to. After a few minutes of eating in silence, he'd realised what that expression on her face had been. Or at least, what he'd assumed it to be. He snapped his fingers. "I get it now!" he announced.

She looked up at him strangely. "You get what?"

"The whole staring into the distance thing when you talk about kids," he reminded her. She looked away, taking the opportunity to drink some of the wine Tony had poured them. "You're getting broody, aren't you?" he realised.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, you're getting broody," he repeated, a smug grin on his face.

"That is quite an assumption," she noted.

"I don't hear you denying it."

"I am denying it," she told him.

"Go on then, deny it," he encouraged her. "Say 'I am in no way whatsoever feeling maternal being around Penny', and you're not allowed to smile or laugh when you say it."

"You do remember that I have been trained by Mossad, yes?" she smiled at him.

He leaned across the table a little, trying to stare her down. "Scared you can't do it?" he teased her.

She met his eyes, holding his gaze. "I am in no way whatsoever feeling maternal being around Penny," she told him.

However, she was oblivious to the fact that she was smiling through the entire statement. "Gotcha," he told her, leaning back triumphantly.

"What?"

"You smiled."

"Tony-"

"It's the rules of the game, Zee-vah. You can't smile, otherwise you don't mean what you're saying. Which means there's a part of Ziva David that wants to be a mother."

Her eyes dropped, and she reached for her wine. "I will never be a mother," she said quietly into her glass.

"Sure you will," he told her. "I mean, it's only natural now. You're not Mossad anymore, technically, you're NCIS. That's a lot safer even if there are risks."

"No, Tony, you misunderstood," she told him, and he stopped, the cheeriness fading from his face at her tone. "I am not capable of having children of my own," she told him - the first person she had ever admitted this to aloud.

Embarrassed, he busied himself in his food. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Don't be," she said, forcing a small smile so that the tone of the evening wasn't dragged down by the past. "You do not have to be a mother to be part of a child's life," she pointed out.

He nodded slowly, watching as she drank more wine. "I'd like it if you were a part of Penny's life," he told her seriously.

"You would?"

He nodded. "You've been more help to us than anyone since she arrived here, and Penny's crazy about you."

She smiled. "Thank you, Tony. That means a lot to me."

He raised his glass, and she followed suit, toasting to the remains of a happier evening.

\--

Later, they sat on the couch, more wine in their glasses. There was old Sinatra swing playing in the background, low in volume but enough for Tony to recognise and sing along to some of his favourites; his bad singing making a rather tipsy Ziva giggle like a small girl into her wine. Of course, this only encouraged Tony more. However, he'd had to stop when the phone rang: Penny, ringing to say goodnight because she couldn't possibly go to sleep without Daddy saying goodnight to her.

"Did you have something nice for dinner…" Ziva listened to him say down the phone. "Really?…wow, that was nice of Uncle Gibbs to show you his boat," he said rather pointedly, rolling his eyes. Ziva bit back another laugh, which was hard because of the quantity of wine they'd drunk. Neither were completely intoxicated, but it had definitely loosened up a number of knots. "…No, I don't know how he's going to get it out of the basement…I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll read your story for you…okay, Penny…I'll see you in the morning, okay? …Be good…Goodnight, Princess."

He hung up the phone and leaned back against the couch, still carefully balancing his wine. This time, however, he sighed. His mind was at ease now that he knew Penny was very clearly safe in Gibbs' house.

"He showed her the boat?"

He nodded. "I told you he would. I was right."

"All that has proved is that your ego is too large," she told him.

He faked a look of hurt. "I'm not egotistical."

At this, Ziva scoffed. "You have one of the biggest egos on the planet, Tony."

"No, I haven't."

"Yes, you have."

And so, they continued bickering, with the sound of Frank Sinatra crooning away in the background.

I could show the world how to smile  
I could be glad all of the while  
I could change grey skies to blue  
If I had you.

"I'm just proud of myself," he defended.

"That is the same thing, yes?" she teased.

"No, it's not," he said pointedly. "I can be proud of things other than myself, see…like Penny sleeping in her own bed now…" he smiled to himself. "Actually, I'm proud of a lot of things that Penny does…and I'm proud of my Probie, about to be a father…" he stole a look at her, noticing that she was watching him in intrigue. "And I'm proud of you, you know," he added quietly.

"Me?"

"Yeah, really proud," he nodded.

She looked slightly confused, a look which he found quite cute. Of course, he could never tell her that - he valued his life too much. "Penny is growing into a beautiful young girl, Abby and McGee are bringing a child into the world together…yet you are proud of me for doing nothing?"

"I mean it, Ziva," he said, readjusting himself in the chair so that he was facing her more. He loved this Sinatra song, but he knew that Ziva needed to hear what he had to say rather than his terrible Ol' Blue Eyes impression. "You've had a tough life from what I've heard, and that's not even including all the stuff you'd have seen and done with Mossad. I hate to bring up bad memories and all, but you lost half your family…I can't even imagine how hard that is. Sure, I mean, I've lost people…but I never had a big family, let alone had good relationships with them. You did. It would be heartbreaking for anyone in a normal environment. I don't think anyone else can do what you did…to take that pain and try and direct it to a greater cause…I couldn't. It takes heart…and a lot of bravery."

I could leave the old days behind  
Leave all my pals, I'd never mind  
I could start my life anew  
If I had you

Ziva wondered how they'd fallen into a habit of too-close conversations sitting too-close on this couch. His arm was resting on the back of the couch, and they were once again sitting sideways, facing one another - their usual position. She looked away, feeling uncomfortable in the sudden closeness now that it was her and her own emotions under the microscope, as it were. Her wine held her gaze, and she swirled it in the glass a little. "I do not feel so brave anymore," she admitted quietly.

"I think you are," he told her honestly.

"Yes, Tony, but you are biased," she said tiredly.

"How so?"

"You are my partner," she said simply. "You are supposed to tell me whatever I need to hear in order for me to get the job done."

She could still feel his eyes burning into her face, despite the fact that she had looked away moments ago. "Being your partner means that I get to be the first person who tells you that you're being brave," he corrected her. "And I mean it," he insisted. "Just like I'd have meant what I was going to say earlier."

"And what was that?"

It was only when she replied that he realised what he'd said. Stupid wine. He'd meant to say the last part in his head. Now, however, he'd landed himself in a hole and a ninja Mossad agent staring at him. "I didn't say it because you said that you couldn't have kids and I didn't want to upset you, but…" he sighed. "I think you'd be a great mom, Ziva."

To his surprise, she didn't cause him any harm. Instead, she smiled. "Thank you, Tony. You are a great father," she complimented in return.

He felt his own smile forming. "Thanks."

I could climb a snow-capped mountain  
Sail the mighty ocean wide  
I could cross the burning desert  
If I had you by my side

And to neither of their surprise, they found themselves leaning upon each other on the couch again. Of course, even though they were quite drunk and much more at ease with each other, so much so that neither of them moved when Tony's hand fell upon her hip and Ziva's slung over his stomach, nothing else happened. However, they stayed there, locked in place, until…

"I should be going," Ziva realised, moving to sit up.

"Wait," Tony said quickly, tightening his hold on her.

"What am I waiting for?" she asked, when after a few moments he said nothing more.

"I don't know," he realised. "Just….stay for a while longer."

She placed her head on his shoulder, wordlessly assuring him that she was staying for the while he had requested. And they stayed there silently, the sound of Sinatra lulling them into peace.

I could be a king, dear, on crown  
Humble or poor, rich or renowned  
There is nothing I couldn't do  
If I had you  
Baby, if I had you

\--

Just as Tony had assured her, Penny was pleased to find that Gibbs had not only read her the bedtime story, he'd also sat on the edge of the bed to do it like she'd asked him to. She was in the spare room at Gibbs' house. He knew that there was still a child's bedroom up in the loft, converted into Kelly's bedroom only weeks before he'd left for the final time; the bedroom she'd asked for because she wanted it decorated in a special way - pink walls, everything always pink, a special den for Kelly.

"Did they live happily ever after?" Penny asked, just before he reached the end.

"Of course," Gibbs nodded.

"How do you know?" she asked him. After all, he hadn't finished the story yet.

"Because the Princess was a good girl," he told her. "If she was naughty then the Prince would have run away very quickly."

Penny screwed up her face. "What a pile of shit."

He sighed. "You don't have to say exactly what your father says all the time," he told her.

"I love my Daddy," she told him with a smile, as if that justified saying the word 'shit' in the middle of a fairytale.

"I know you do."

"Thank you for letting me call him to say goodnight," she smiled, settling back against the pillows as Gibbs raised the covers around her.

"You're welcome."

"Uncle Gibbs, why don't you got any kids?" she asked him.

He was silent for a moment. The question had come out of the blue, but it had raised memories that had been slipping into his mind all night. He had to admit that having a young girl in his house again, the first time since Kelly had been laid to rest, had reawoken the sound of laughter in the house. "I used to," he said sadly. "I used to have a little girl just like you."

"What was her name?"

"Kelly," he said quietly. "Her name was Kelly."

"Where is Kelly now?" she asked him, looking around as if she might be hiding under the bed.

"She isn't here," he told her. "She hasn't been for a long time."

"Does she love somewhere with her Mommy?" Penny asked. "I lived somewhere different from Daddy with my Mommy."

"She had an accident in a car," Gibbs said.

"Did she have to go to the doctors?"

He nodded. "Yes, her and her Mom did."

Penny frowned. She recognised this story. She knew the connection between 'not here' and 'going to the doctors'. "Did they never come back from the doctors?"

He looked away for a moment, shaking his head. "No, they didn't."

"My Mommy had to go to the doctors and she didn't come home too," she told him.

"I know," he said quietly. "You must miss her lots."

"Yeah," Penny said. "Lots and lots. Do you miss Kelly and her Mommy?"

"I do."

"Do you still get sad?" Penny asked him.

"All the time," he admitted.

"I still get sad sometimes too."

Gibbs noticed that Penny was playing with her hands on top of the blankets, and he took them in his own. "It's okay to be sad," he assured her.

"Daddy said it was too."

"He's right," he told her. "When we miss people, it helps us to talk to our friends and our family about them. Then we can remember them happy and smiling."

"I liked it when my Mommy smiled," Penny remembered.

"I bet she smiled a lot with a little girl like you," Gibbs told her, and Penny smiled at this, nodding. "Do you talk to your dad about her?" he asked.

She looked a bit guilty. "Only sometimes."

"Your dad will understand if you want to talk about her," Gibbs told her. "He misses her too."

"Then we can make each other smile," she realised.

He nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

"Did you like being a Daddy?"

He nodded. "Yes, I did. I liked it very much."

"Do you think my Daddy likes being a Daddy?"

He smiled at her. "He loves being a daddy, especially to you. He told me."

"I think you were a good Daddy," she decided firmly. "You're a bit like a Daddy to my Daddy."

"Because I tell him off sometimes?"

"No, because you take care of him when he's stuck, and when he does something bad you show him how to do it right."

"I guess I do," he nodded.

"Ziva takes care of him when he's stuck too, but Daddy's taking care of her more now," she added.

"Everyone needs taking care of sometimes."

"I like it when Ziva comes to our house," she told Gibbs.

"Do you have fun with Ziva?" he asked, even though he knew that answer to that question.

"Yeah but she makes my Daddy smile too," she explained. "He smiles more when Ziva's at our house. He smiles when he looks at her even when she's not looking at him. I see him smile though."

At this, Gibbs realised what was going on. He remembered looking at Jenny when she didn't look at him from across the bullpen, back when they were partners with no authority between them. He also remembered her looking up and catching him with that smile on his face. He knew there was an attraction between the two of them, that much was obvious to everyone, but was Tony really falling in love with Ziva? He half considered explaining the benefits and reasons behind rule twelve, but realised that Penny was only three and was still having trouble understanding what rules were in general, let alone what it meant when you broke one of his. "You should go to sleep, it's past your bedtime," he told her instead.

He tucked her in again and went to the doorway. He turned off the bedroom light on, as the hall light was on for her, but when he was about to leave she called out. "Uncle Gibbs?" He turned, looking back at her. "Do you think my Mommy is friends with Kelly and her Mommy? I think all angels are friends. Kelly and her Mommy must be angels too because you look like you remember them as angels like I remember my Mommy."

He nodded, smiling at that thought; the thought of Shannon and Kelly not only being happy where they were, but also being together. The thought that had plagued him for many nights was that his daughter and her mother had ended up in two separate places, where Shannon would spend all eternity separated from her precious daughter, and Kelly would be afraid without either of her parents. "Yeah, I think they're all angels together," he nodded.

"Heaven friends," Penny named them.

\--

Back at Tony's apartment, him and Ziva were still lying on the couch in each others arms. Neither wanted to move now, but they had been silent for a long while, only the sound of Sinatra lulling them in the background.

The world is full of people, but none like you

"Are you still awake?" Tony asked her.

"Yes," she whispered in reply.

"I think I will be all night," he confirmed.

They're ordinary people, but none like you

She understood why immediately. "Penny is with Gibbs, Tony. She could hardly be safer."

"I know, I just worry."

"That is why you are a good father," she nodded against him. "You should not doubt yourself so much."

"I'll try not to in the future," he said, just to humour her. He knew that he still had a lot of self-doubt to get through yet.

How far away is yesterday before you came along

"Good," she said. "A man with your capability should not have to suffer his own doubt."

"It's not my own doubt," he corrected her. "More of my father's inherited doubt."

"You did not get on, yes?"

"No, he just didn't have any time for me," he told her. "Let alone try and be a father to me, especially after my Mom died."

"You are trying with Penny, Tony," she assured him. "And you are succeeding."

It seemed to be just a dream to me, until you proved here on

"I couldn't have even thought about doing this without all of you guys though," he reminded her. "Especially you."

"I have not done much, Tony," she denied.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked, moving his head a little so that he could see her eyes. "You're as big an influence on Penny as I am, in her eyes. I think you might actually be her best friend already."

The lanes are full of lovers, but none like you

She smiled at this, moving her head again so that she was comfortable. Of course, this also conveniently shielded her eyes from his. "Thank you for making me dinner tonight, Tony. It was wonderful."

"I'm glad Penny made me do it," he agreed. "It's nice to see you this relaxed, especially since Adam."

I shut my eyes to realise this grand surprise is true

She smirked. "According to your daughter, he is a 'dick'."

He groaned. "I've really gotta work on the cussing with her."

"Not that one," she told him. "I think she may have hit the screw on the scalp."

"Nail on the head," he corrected. "She hit the nail on the head."

"Penny tells me that you think I deserve better," she added.

He nodded. "Is this the big secret I'm not meant to know about?"

"Partially," she revealed.

That I'm the lucky one who found you

"Then yeah, I do think you deserve better," he said, no point denying it now. "You need someone who can treat you like the woman you are, rather than just a nightly stop off for some cheating bastard while he's in port every few months."

She smiled against him, an action he felt through his shirt. "Penny is right, you do take care of your girls."

He grinned, definitely pleased that he couldn't be seen now, as she'd have slapped that smile right off his face. "So, you're my girl now, huh?"

"Not as much as Penny is, but you are certainly taking care of me," she pointed out.

He tightened his arm around her. "I've got your back, Ziva. In and out of the field."

"As have I for you," she agreed.

I shut my eyes to realise this grand surprise is you is true

That I'm the lucky one who found you


	24. Doesn't Daddy Love Me?

A few more weeks passed, and things became stronger than ever. If anything, they'd hit a routine. Tony had learned how to do pony-tails, but not yet mastered pigtails, which Abby still needed to do for him. On some occasions Ziva would do a French braid, which hung beautifully down her back now that her hair was getting longer. They'd found their balance. They'd found out what they needed to do around each other and they'd settled into that.

Until October the twelfth.

On that morning, the pair came into the office quietly. Usually they walked through together, Penny skipping as she held Tony's hand - this morning she was in Tony's arms, her face hidden against his neck. Rather than taking her straight up to Cynthia, as he did every morning, he took her to his desk, setting down his bag and then placing her in his chair. He started digging through his desk drawers while Ziva and McGee exchanged looks of concern. Eventually, Tony stood straight again, Bertha the hippo in his hands, and he took Penny back in his arms.

"See, I said you'd left her here," he told her, his voice soft but almost silently.

Penny took the hippo silently, the farting hippo not making her giggle for once, and held it closer to her. She placed her head on Tony's shoulder and he left a kiss on her forehead.

"Is everything okay?" McGee asked them.

Tony just turned and looked at him, his glare said it all.

"You're both quiet this morning," he observed.

"Your point?" Tony asked irritant.

McGee looked awkwardly at him. "You're just quiet this morning."

"McGee..." Ziva started, trying to warn him away but Tony cut her off.

"Don't even think about it, Probie," he said, warning in his voice. "Not today."

"October twelfth?" he questioned.

"McGee, leave it," Ziva told him.

Tony went over to McGee's desk, standing over him, Penny still held to him with a strange possessiveness they'd not seen from him before. "Do you know what today is, Probie?"

"Uh...no."

"Mommy's birthday," Penny said in a quiet voice.

McGee was silent, while Tony directed his attention to the girl in his arm. He kissed the top of her head, blocking out everyone else around him. "It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered to her when she held him tighter. Even though they'd all seen him comfort her before, only Ziva had heard that level of tenderness in his voice; the night she had shown up in the middle of the night and Penny had been ill. Only then, when Penny was helpless and clinging to him against sickness, had Tony found the natural father in him that whispered nothing but still helped.

They disappeared, no doubt up to find Cynthia. Once up there, he put Penny down in her usual place. Cynthia didn't even question the mumbled 'thanks' from Tony, but Jenny walked out of her office with a smile. "Good morning," she greeted.

"I wish it was," he grumbled, but caught himself when he noticed who he was talking to. "Sorry, Director."

"Bad day, Agent DiNozzo?" she asked him.

He looked at Penny. "Birthday, actually," he said.

"Penny's?"

"Alicia's," he corrected painfully.

"Would you rather take today as a personal day?" she offered.

He shook his head. "No, we talked about being at home and we'd both rather be here."

"Well, if there's anything I can do, let me know."

"Thank you," he said, before going back over to Penny. He crouched down at her side, and she looked up at him. "I'm only downstairs today, okay? If you want to see me just ask Cynthia and she'll bring you down." Penny nodded, and went back to her drawing. He wasn't sure what she was drawing, but he was pretty sure that today she wasn't going to be drawing 'me and daddy'.

Today she was drawing angels.

Today she was drawing Mommy.

\--

However, come lunchtime, Tony's patience and sympathy had turned into a self-loathing and irritable black void. Even walking past his desk seemed to make someone aware of how careful they needed to tread around him. There were no cases that day so the team were confined to their desk, buried in paperwork. He answered Gibbs' questions, but he didn't involve himself in the conversations that Ziva and McGee held in between. He didn't contribute any of his 'insane' theories. He didn't make any juvenile comments. He didn't do anything other than his paperwork.

Across the bullpen, Ziva watched him. She didn't bother to hide the fact she was watching him because he was barely aware of Gibbs calling his name most of the time, so she knew he wouldn't feel his partners eyes hovering over him. No, she just watched silently. His face was blank, no concentration creasing his eyes as he focused on his work. She didn't know how long he planned on shutting the world out, but she hoped that it didn't stem any further from today. She'd seen the effects this had on him and Penny much closer than anyone else had. She'd been there in the middle of the night when Tony finally released his emotions, and while she had been able to help him then she knew that eventually there would be a time when he broke and she wasn't there. He would break and no one would be there; it was just what happened in life. Sometimes there wasn't always someone there to pick up the pieces.

Not today, she thought to herself. It couldn't be today.

In the afternoon, Jenny had needed to leave the building, Cynthia accompanying her, so Penny had been allowed by Gibbs to stay in the bullpen. Most of the time she sat with Gibbs, as he had explained that Tony needed to get his work done, but she understood this, and after a quick cuddle with Daddy she'd sat obediently beside Gibbs at his desk, still intently drawing what she imagined angels looked like. When Gibbs went downstairs to see Ducky, however, Penny had returned to Tony's side, finding her voice again as she repeatedly tried to get his attention. Did he like her drawing? What colour were angel wings? Were they big enough wings? Did Mommy have a halo? What was a halo for?

"Penny, I need to do my work, can you draw quietly, please?" he asked her, not raising his eyes from his keyboard.

"I want you to draw," she told him.

Across the bullpen, Ziva noticed the tightening of the muscles around his neck. Tension that he'd been holding silently all morning was beginning to rise, and she couldn't bare to see it unleashed on Penny. "Penny, would you like to come and draw over here?" Ziva offered, bringing a spare chair over to her desk.

"I wanna draw with Daddy," she whined.

"I can't draw, I'm working," he told her.

"But you draw at home," she argued.

Struggling to keep calm now, Tony released a shaky breath, still not looking at Penny. "We're not at home, are we?" he told her. "We're at my work."

"When are we going home?" she asked.

"I don't know."

"What are we having for dinner?"

He was really struggling now. "I don't know."

"When are we-?"

Shouting suddenly, Tony turned to her. "I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?"

Everyone looked at him, none more so than Penny. She'd jumped half a mile in the air when he'd turned suddenly, and then started trembling. She was completely stunned, looking at him like she was about to cry. Tony had never raised his voice to her before. He'd always been calm with her, always as understanding as he could be for the simple reason that he needed to be; he needed to be calm and patient and understanding because she'd lost her mother. Sure, he scolded her when she was bad, but he never shouted. Never.

Realising what he'd done, he put his face in his hands. What had he done? When he looked up again, Penny was staring at him, and he hated the look in her eyes.

Fear.

"Penny..." he whispered softly.

She spun around quickly, still clutching Bertha the hippo to her chest, and she ran off. As she did, she passed Gibbs as he entered the bullpen again. He watched her scamper off and then saw Tony with his head in his hands.

"What did you do, DiNozzo?" he asked.

"I don't know," he groaned into his hands emotionally. "I think I might have just ruined everything with Penny."

Gibbs stood over his desk, staring at him. "I have only had one coffee this morning, DiNozzo. Do not make me hurt you."

"I shouted at her," he told him. "I didn't mean to, it's...it's Alicia's birthday...I'm..."

"On edge. Pissed off. Upset."

He nodded. "...yeah."

"Where did she run off to?" he asked.

Tony looked around. Why hadn't he looked to see where she was going? Why hadn't he stopped her? "...I don't know..." he realised.

\--

Half an hour later and the entire squad room were searching for Penny. She hadn't been seen by anyone since she'd passed Gibbs on his way in. Tony was pacing up and down in the bullpen terrified; the skin around his thumbnail throbbing where he was biting down on it so hard. Why hadn't he followed her? Why hadn't he paid more attention? It wasn't her fault. It hadn't been anything to do with her. He'd just been pissed off because Alicia was gone. He didn't know whether he was pissed off with Alicia or whatever God had taken her away from her daughter, but he was pissed off all the same. He'd had no right to take that out on Penny, and he knew it. He knew it all to well, but he still stood silently as Gibbs spent a long time explaining why he had no right to take it out on Penny. Everyone gathered up in the squad room, checking in after their search, and Ducky and Abby were speaking through voice conference on Gibbs' phone.

"The lab?" Tony questioned.

Through the phone, Abby answered. "I checked four times, Tony, she's not hiding anywhere down here."

"Any of the offices upstairs?"

"The entire building has been put on an Amber Alert, and will report to me directly if Penny is seen," Jenny told him.

"Not autopsy?" he suggested, shuddering at the thought of the nightmares she'd probably have for the rest of her life if she'd managed to get into autopsy.

Through the phone, Ducky banished this thought. "I assure you, Anthony, she is not here."

"Where is she?" Tony asked aloud, groaning.

"She couldn't have gotten into MTAC," McGee narrowed down.

"And she could not have left the building," Ziva added. "Security would have seen her."

"What about the closets? The gym?"

"Both clear," she confirmed.

"You're sure?" he asked.

She nodded. "I checked three times."

"She has to be somewhere!" he told her, raising his voice again. Ziva didn't even flinch but Tony fell down into a nearby chair. He was shouting again, this time at Ziva. He had to stop shouting. It was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

Gibbs came back into the bullpen. "Security guards are tracing her route by reviewing the CCTV tapes."

Tony leaned forward in the chair, rubbing his hands over his face. "I shouldn't have shouted," he murmured to himself. "I shouldn't have shouted at her..."

"But you did," Gibbs said simply. "You can't change that now."

"I terrified her, boss," he said, raising his head. "That look on her face..."

"The only thing you can do now is fix this," he told him.

The doubt in his face was spilling over from the deepest part of his heart. "Can I?" he asked, so much emotion in his face that he looked as afraid as Penny did when she turned and ran from him. Ziva put her hand on his shoulder.

"No child likes being told off, Tony, but they still love their parents despite it," Gibbs said quietly.

"I have to find her," Tony said.

"We will," he assured him, before turning back to the entire team. "We search everywhere again. Everywhere. Got it?"

Everyone disbanded, but Gibbs headed away alone.

\--

Opening the door to one of the buildings many stairwells, Gibbs was greeted with a faint sniffling. He followed the sound, looking underneath to find Penny curled into a ball. He crept up beside her, sitting down on the ground next to her, placing his coffee on his other side. "Penny," he said softly.

She looked up at him, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "You found me."

"I must be getting better at hide and seek," he suggested.

"Yeah," she sniffed.

He took the napkin around his coffee and used it to help Penny dry her tears. "Why are you hiding down here, Penny?" he asked her.

"I made Daddy mad," she sniffed again.

"Penny-"

"Doesn't Daddy love me no more?" she asked, her voice getting more and more high pitched as she let a few more tears fall.

"Your Dad loves you very much," he assured her.

"But I made him really mad and he shouted."

Gibbs was silently for a moment, bringing her into his lap. She sat facing him, but kept her head down. "Penny, you know that your Dad loved your Mom very much?" She nodded. "Did it hurt your heart when she went to heaven?"

"Lots," she said, with another sniff.

"It hurt your Dad's heart as well," he told her. "Today he really missed your Mom, and it made him hurt more so he got upset. He didn't mean to shout at you, he just got too sad."

"Is he still sad now?" she asked.

"He's worried because he can't find you."

She looked at Gibbs. "Is he looking for me too?"

He nodded. "He is. Auntie Abby got made at him because he made a mess in her lab," he said, telling her in a loud whisper as if he were explaining some big secret.

"Really?"

Gibbs nodded. "Oh, yeah."

Penny looked down at Bertha the hippo. "Are you going to shout at me too, Uncle Gibbs?" she asked him.

"No, Penny, I'm not," he assured her.

"My Mommy shouted sometimes. So did Grandpa. Grandpa shouted at me lots."

"Well, I'm not Grandpa," he reminded her. "I'm Uncle Gibbs."

"I heard you shout at Daddy once."

"Your Dad was being a bit silly then, wasn't he?" he remembered.

"Did you make him not silly anymore?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, he's not silly anymore." There was a silence, and he lowered his head a little, meeting her eyes. "Shall we go and find Daddy now?"

She thought about this, and then looked back to Gibbs. "Will you hold my hand in case he's mad at me still?" she asked.

"No one is going to be mad at you, Penny," he assured her.

"I think Daddy might be."

"He's not," he repeated. "He's just scared that you might have gotten hurt when he couldn't find you. He just wants you to be safe."

Penny thought about this as well. "Daddy loves me, doesn't he Uncle Gibbs?"

He nodded. "Yes, he does."

"I know that even though he doesn't tell me."

Gibbs looked at her. "Come on," he said, getting to his feet and offering his hand to Penny. "Let's go and find him."

\--

By now in the bullpen, Tony was going out of his mind. He was pacing up and down, still biting the skin around his nails. Ziva leaned against her desk, watching him. "What have I done?" he asked over and over. "What have I done?"

"Relax, Tony..."

"Relax?" he asked her. "You saw what I did!" he reminded her.

"No parent is a saint, Tony."

"I scared the shit out of her, Ziva!"

She heard the vulnerability in his voice and went over putting a hand on his shoulder. This stopped his pacing, but she didn't remove her hand. "She will be fine, we will find her," she told him now that he wasn't wearing holes in the carpet.

"Alicia asked me to do one thing," he remembered. "One goddamn thing. To look after our daughter. I can't even do that. I'm useless-"

"Stop it," she told him sternly. "We have been through the hopeless stage and you have worked through it. I will not watch you fall back into it," she told him.

He shook his head. "What if she's hurt? What if that's why we can't find her?"

"She is fine, Tony."

"You don't know that," he shot back at her. "She could be really hurt. What if she fell down the stairs or something? What if she's unconscious and we can't find her because she can't hear us calling for her? What if-?"

"Tony, enough!" Ziva snapped sharply. Tony was stunned at this, finally looking at her. "She will be fine. We will find her." She kept her eyes trained on him. She'd found that just by looking at each other he'd allow himself to break a little, to show to her and no one else what he was going through. "Trust me, we will find her," she repeated, whispering this time.

At that moment, Gibbs appeared at the other end of the bullpen. "Found her," he said simply.

Tony looked away from Ziva, his face a picture of relief when Gibbs brought his arm round, steering Penny so that she was standing in front of him. She was still clutching her hippo against her chest, bless her. Tony broke away from Ziva, and in one swift movement the had gathered Penny in his arms and he cradled her against him tightly.

"Penny, God, you had me so worried. Are you hurt anywhere?" She shook her head against him, and when she realised that he wasn't going to shout at her she placed her arms around him tightly. He put his hand on the back of her head, stroking it as he looked at Gibbs. "Where did you find her?"

"Hiding at the bottom of the stairwell," he said, sitting back at his desk.

Tony sighed, turning his attention back to Penny, nestling his head against hers. Into her hair, he spoke, and it was clear to Ziva, who was still standing beside him, that the reason he had hidden his face was because of the tears in his voice. "I'm sorry," he told her. "I'm so sorry I shouted at you. I'll never shout at you like that again. I promise. I'm so sorry."

"Uncle Gibbs said it was 'cause you missed Mommy," Penny told him.

"I know. I shouldn't have shouted at you. You didn't do anything wrong," he assured her.

"I miss Mommy too," she told him.

"Oh, Penny..." he sighed, moving over to his desk. He sat in his chair, placing her on the desk before him. He looked his daughter in the eye, one hand on the desk beside her but the other stroking her hair. "Penny, you know that we can talk about Mommy, don't you?" he assured her. "Any time you want."

"You won't get mad?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Of course, I won't get mad," he told her. "We both miss her, and if you want to talk about her or ask me something about her, you can. Whenever you want, Penny, I mean that. If you want to talk about her and remember her you can always talk to me. Always."

"Okay," she said.

He leaned forward, hugging her again. "I'm sorry I shouted."

"You said that already," she pointed out.

Tony half-laughed. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?" he turned serious again. "What do you think, can you forgive your silly old dad?"

She nodded. "Yeah, 'cause I love my silly old Daddy."

He smiled as he heard her say this. "Thanks, Penny."

Unknown to them both, Gibbs listened in on their exchange, thinking about what Penny had said to him in the stairwell. 'I know he loves me even though he doesn't tell me'. Tony hadn't told her that he loved her yet. He knew that the word 'love' was difficult for a man like Tony, but telling his daughter was different. This wasn't romantic love, this was unconditional love.

Jenny appeared at his side. "You found her?"

He nodded. "Hiding in a stairwell."

"She's okay?"

He nodded again. "She is now."

"Good."

They stood in silence, just watching as Tony held his daughter and she held him just as tightly. "DiNozzo hasn't told her that he loves her yet," Gibbs commented suddenly.

"Love is a strong word, Jethro," Jenny pointed out.

"Not to a kid," he reminded her.

"They'll find their own way."

"They better," he said almost to himself. "Or they'll have me to answer to."

\--

Later that day, with Penny sitting in his lap as he typed away at his desk, Tony looked up to see the entire team standing around his desk. He frowned, noticing they were all holding identical white envelopes. "Where's the party?" he asked suspiciously.

"The Hilton. Six weeks time," Jenny told him.

"December," he realised.

"Christmas," McGee added.

Tony's eyebrows raised. "Office party?" he asked, taking the envelope that Jenny offered him. "At The Hilton...that's classy."

"That's the idea," Jenny told him. "Families welcome, children included. Black tie. Attendance is not optional."

Penny took the invitation from his hands, admiring the decoration. "Oooh...pretty."

"Black tie?" Tony questioned. "You mean...?"

"James Bond Theme," Ziva confirmed, an almost devilish grin on her lips.

Tony looked towards the ceiling in awe. "There is a God, and thy name is Bond. James Bond."


	25. Don't Do That To Me

Christmas crept up on them quicker than they expected it to. In between work, Christmas shopping and trying to juggle family visits in between this, six weeks passed faster than they'd imagined it would. Tony had his usual Christmas card in the post from his father, wishing him a Merry Christmas. Tony had also continued his ritual by reading it at his desk, ripping it up and throwing it ceremoniously in the trash can. However, now that it was one week before Christmas with the office party the following night, Jenny had insisted that Gibbs' team take the afternoon off; mainly because they had all been putting off buying something to wear. They were all ready to leave, just waiting for Abby to join them.

Tony sat with his feet up on his desk, watching Ziva curiously. "So...Zee-vah...you going with anyone to the dance tomorrow?"

"Not exactly," she told him. "Although I am considering James from accounting," she revealed.

Horrified, Tony's jaw dropped. "What? No way!"

Ziva, on the other hand, was pleasantly surprised at his reaction. "Is there something wrong with that?" she asked him casually.

"Yeah, plenty!" he protested.

"James is a nice man, Tony."

"No, he's not."

"There is no reason why I should turn his offer down."

"I'll give you two reasons right now," Tony told her. "He still lives with his mother and he drives a van with no windows."

She shrugged. "He likes his privacy, is that so wrong?"

"Yes, because he's a serial killer!" Tony argued.

McGee looked between them, confused. "If he were a serial killer he wouldn't have been able to get a job at a federal agency."

"Shut up, Probie," Tony told him, before turning back to Ziva. "The point is, you can't go with James," he told her.

"Why?" she protested. "No one else has asked."

"You didn't ask her?" McGee asked. A ball of paper hit him in the side of the face. "Ow! Tony!"

"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?" he reminded him.

"I just thought..." the paper hit him again. "Tony!"

"Not a word!" he told him.

\--

The mall was busy, especially as it was a week before Christmas. The tuxedo's had been an easy buy and also a quick one, which left a lot to say for the women. Tony and McGee ended up following Abby and Ziva around helplessly through the women's clothing store. Abby came stomping over to them, angry that she'd found the perfect dress but it had been snatched up by another woman.

"There will be other dresses, Abby," Ziva assured her.

"Many, many others..." Tony groaned, sounding bored.

"But it's not that one!" Abby pointed out. "That one was perfect. It wouldn't make me look fat!"

"You're not fat!" they all assured her quickly. Abby had stared to clearly show she was pregnant now, with only four months of her pregnancy left.

Abby turned to Tony. "Tony, you can fix this!"

"I can?" he asked suspiciously.

She nodded. "I've seen you talk hundreds of women out of their dresses before. For once, use your powers for good!"

Ziva laughed. "Abby, Tony's flirting is not a magical ability."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Ziva, I don't flirt with women, I just talk to them. Is it my fault that it comes out like music?"

"Yes," they all said in unison.

Tony turned to McGee. "Who's side are you on?" he challenged him.

"The side I'm least likely to get hurt on," he answered.

"Which would be mine," Abby pointed out. "Good thinking, Timmy."

"Come on, Abby," Ziva said, leading her to another section of the store. "Let us find out dresses so that these two do not end up boring themselves to death."

Tony looked at the endless racks of dresses. "It's a tempting thought right now, actually..."

The two women continued shopping, holding up endless dresses and admiring them in the mirrors. Ziva looked rather closes at a slinky black dress, with a very low neckline and back.

"No!" Tony insisted quickly. "You can't wear that."

"Why?" Ziva asked, looking for any imperfections in the dress. "What is wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it?" he repeated incredulously. "Ziva, half of it's missing!"

"I like it," she justified.

"It's winter, Ziva. December. You'll freeze to death. Besides..." he added. "Guys might look at...everything that's not covered...which will be a lot..."

She scoffed. "This coming from the man who has seen me naked," she pointed out.

"Under cover," he reminded her.

"My body does not chance when we are not under cover," she said to him.

This thought took hold of his mind for a moment...reminding him so much that he'd now been almost half a year without a date...five months without sex. Five months without a woman. Five months. Five months. Before that, the longest he'd been had been five days. There was a massive difference. And now Ziva was basically forcing him into remembering the look and feel of her naked body touching his. Okay, he was right, they were under cover, but he knew there would be no change in her body. It would still be perfect, still be as he remembered it...how he remembered it every night he fell asleep alone again...

He shook his head. "Ziva, I hadn't had a date or sex in five months, don't do that to me," he told her, clenching his jaw tightly.

"Perhaps you should find another way to itch the scratch, yes?"

"Scratch the itch," he corrected quickly, trying not think about how he'd like to scratch his itch. "And that's not the point. My itch doesn't need scratching. I don't even have an itch."

"Yeah, Ziva, that's really cruel," Abby agreed, but she still grinned at the reaction it had on Tony.

"It is also a viable interrogation technique," Ziva added.

"I'm not under interrogation, especially not by you guys," Tony said.

"It's a scientific fact that if you say the word 'naked' to a man three times when you're standing close to him he has to cross his legs," Abby added.

"That's not true," Tony laughed nervously.

"We could test that theory," Ziva suggested.

"Or," Tony interrupted. "We could buy these dresses and get the Hell out of here before we really do die of boredom." Ziva and Abby selected a few dresses and headed towards the changing rooms. McGee smirked at Tony. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

"You like Ziva, don't you?" he realised.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he denied.

"You like her, like her."

Tony laughed it off. "What are we, thirteen?"

"You don't want anyone else to go to the party with her, you don't want other guys looking at her..."

"This isn't one of your novels, McGemcity," Tony reminded him. "I'm just worried about her after what she went through with Adam."

"That was months ago," he pointed out.

"So?"

"And there's the fact that you're thinking about her naked."

"She made me!" Tony argued in defence.

"You enjoyed it."

There was a small silence, and then Tony did the only thing he knew to do. He slapped McGee on the back of the head. "Shut up, Probie."

\--

In the changing rooms, Ziva and Abby managed to get cubicles beside each other, and were talking to each other. "So...who are you really going to the party with?" Abby asked.

"No one," Ziva told her.

"What? Ziva, you can't go alone!" she argued.

"Why not?"

"Because if that creepy guy from the mail room realises that you're alone at this party he'll be all over you like my Uncle Larry on a buffet," Abby pointed out. "Besides, I thought Tony was going to ask you?"

"He did not," she said simply.

"You could ask him," Abby suggested.

"Abby, this is not a teen dance," Ziva argued. "I can go alone."

"But it'd be so much better if you went with Tony."

Ziva groaned. "Why are you so interested in Tony and I?" she asked.

"So there is a you and Tony?" Abby asked. Ziva could hear the smile in her voice.

"Abby..."

"I'm just saying," Abby justified. "The guy hasn't had a date in five months...he won't hold out like that for just anyone."

"He is busy being a father," Ziva pointed out.

"Ziva, unless they're having marital problems, father's don't go that long without sex," Abby told her.

"I am not sleeping with Tony 'just because'," Ziva said, almost horrified at the thought.

"So, you're looking for something more long-term?"

"Abby, really!"

"It'd be perfect, Ziva!" Abby told her brightly. "Penny loves you, Tony is clearly in love with you, and you practically live at their place already."

"It is not like that, Abby," Ziva said quietly.

"It could be," Abby pointed out.

"But it is not," she insisted, before she allowed herself to think of the 'ifs'. However, she was saved by her reflection. "Abby, I have found the dress."

"THE dress?" Abby asked.

"Yes."

"Which one? The little black one?"

"No," she grinned. "The other one."


	26. Do You See What I See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the end of this chapter is One Republic - Stop And Stare

The following night, Tony and Penny were in his bedroom together, getting ready for the agency party. Tony was already wearing his tuxedo and was brushing Penny's hair for her as she stood before his mirror on a chair. She was wearing it down for the party, so he didn't have to worry about fiddling with hairstyles that he couldn't do. She had chosen a blue dress that was covered in glitter to wear.

"Are we going to go to the party soon?" she asked impatiently.

"When we're all ready," he told her. "Then we'll go pick up Auntie Abby and Uncle Tim."

"Not Ziva?" she asked.

"No, Ziva's going to see us when we get there."

"Why isn't she coming with us?" she asked dejectedly.

"Because she had to get ready at her house tonight."

"Why?"

"So then no one gets to see her pretty dress and it'll be a surprise," Tony explained.

"Have you seen it?" Penny asked him.

"No," he shook his head.

"How do you know it's pretty then?" she challenged him.

He smirked. "Because Ziva always looks pretty in her dresses."

"She looks like a princess."

Tony looked Penny's reflection sadly, remembering how beautiful Ziva had looked when she had left to go on her date with Adam. "Yeah, she does."

"Is Ziva going to have Christmas with us?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said honestly

"Can we ask her?"

"We can, but she doesn't celebrate Christmas like we do," he explained.

"Why?"

"Because Ziva's Jewish," he told her simply. "She has her own traditions that are different to ours."

"What's a 'radishun?" she repeated.

"It's something you do at special times," he explained. "Ziva does different things at this time of year."

"Has she always done different things for Christmas?" she asked.

"Yeah, since she was a little girl."

"What does she do?"

"She..." he stopped, realising that he didn't actually know what Ziva did over the holidays. "You know what, maybe you should ask her," he suggested. "She'd like that. She'd be able to tell you lots of stories about it."

"Can I ask her tonight?" she asked.

"Not tonight," he said. "It's a party tonight. People will be dancing."

"Will you and Ziva be dancing?"

"Yeah."

"Together."

"Maybe," he nodded. "I don't know."

"You gotta ask her," Penny insisted. "Or someone else will."

"Okay, I'll ask her," he half laughed. He stopped, when he realised that there was a thoughtful, yet sad expression on Penny's face. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Can Santa bring Mommy back for Christmas?" Penny asked.

Tony was saddened instantly, remembering years when all he'd wanted from Santa was his mother to come back. "No, Penny, he can't," he told her quietly.

"But you said Santa can bring me anything I want," she told him.

He remembered making that argument as well. He took Penny in his arms, sitting on the bed with her in his lap. "Penny, Santa can't bring your mother back. She has to stay in heaven now," he told her.

"Not just for Christmas? She likes Christmas."

Every time she said 'Christmas' it sounded like 'kismas'. "I know she does, but Santa doesn't work like that. Neither does heaven."

"Do they have Christmas in heaven?" she asked him.

"Yeah," he assured her. "They have a lovely big Christmas will all the angels."

"What does Mommy do in heaven?"

Tony smoothed down a stubborn wave in her hair. "She watches over you and makes sure that you're okay?"

Penny looked out of the window, revealing a cloudless winter sky. "Is she watching now?"

"Of course she is," he told her. "Our angels watch us all the time."

"How do you know that?" she asked him.

"Because I'm your Dad, and I know everything," he told her. She giggled. "Come on, we don't want to be late for the party."

\--

They arrived at The Hilton in good time, but as they were walking in Tony took Penny to one side and crouched before her. "Right, you little rascal, listen to me. I can't tell you to behave tonight because I know you're going to forget I've told you that. I want you to stay by me tonight. Or Gibbs, or Ziva, Jenny, Abby or Tim. Tell me or Ziva who you're with, okay?"

Penny nodded, and they entered the main dinner hall where the party was taking place. Penny's eyes immediately lit up. She'd never seen anywhere like this, and her eyes found the glitter ball on the ceiling. "I like that ball, it's shiny," she told Tony.

"It's a glitter ball," he told her.

"I've got glitter on my dress."

"Yeah, you have."

She continued looking at the glitter ball. "Can I get one of those?" she asked.

He laughed. "We'll see, Princess." At that moment, he thought he saw someone, and did a double take. When he looked back, Jenny and Gibbs were standing before him, looking rather...close. He chose not to mention it. "Is that Agent Sacks?" he asked.

"Yes," Jenny said.

"He's FBI. What's he doing here?"

"I've invited some of our more co-operative associates," she told him. "I see it as a chance to bond with some of our sister companies,"

"Bond?" Tony smirked.

"Pun not intended," she told him.

"But we don't do bonding," Tony argued.

"Just enough to be civilised, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him.

"In the spirit of Christmas," Jenny added.

"We hate each other," Tony reminded them. "Why should we bond?"

"We all serve the same country, Tony."

"We have bodies in autopsy that aren't as cold as some of these guys," Tony told them. "I mean, honestly, I...I...I..."

He stopped, rendered speechless at the sight which had captivated his attention. He stood facing towards the stairs that marked the entrance, looking past Gibbs and Jenny to see the radiant image beyond them. Making her way down the steps was Ziva, as he had never seen her before. What Penny said about her looking like a Princess just didn't seem to compare anymore. He remembered her standing in his living room, dressed to go out with Adam, his heart and his body wanting nothing more than for her to stay with him wearing that green dress she'd worn but now…God, if having to watch her leave with Adam had been what it took to see her descending the staircase ahead of him right at that moment, looking as she was, he'd have gone back in time and done it again.

Since the shopping trip the previous day, Abby hadn't stopped making reference to Ziva's choice of dress. Perfect had been the word that was mentioned the most. She also insisted that Ziva would have many men drooling over her, and if that was the case Tony was ready and willing to knock them all to the ground. He had to admit, Abby had been right. The dress was a deep red, not to low at the front, but enough to show enough flesh above her chest to captivate the eyes of every man in the room. Not indecent, just flattering; more than flattering, actually. This was so much better than the simple green dress she'd worn for Adam; this dress had diamante patterns on the bodice, patterns that sparkled as they caught the light cast from the glitter ball. She'd not just pulled this dress from her closet - she'd looked for this dress for hours, and chosen it for a reason - the reason being that she looked absolutely stunning in it. It clung to her upper body, hugging itself to her hips even though it was loose and flowing satin around her legs.

One of the attendants took her shrug from her, and as she turned to hand it to them he saw that the back of her dress was non-existent. The fabric missed her back, showing a large amount of skin that he just wanted to touch, to taste, but he knew he couldn't. She'd worn her hair up, though, like she'd done for Adam. He loved it down. There was something compelling about the way her curls brushed against her back. It reminded him of being under cover - beautiful curls hanging loose as nature had intended. After they'd sat through a dinner undercover, which had been broadcast in MTAC, they'd been ordered to retain their cover back in their hotel room - something he'd been afraid of at first glance - but once they'd gotten back up to their hotel room he'd changed his mind. She'd caught him looking at her strangely, having changed into a nightgown but still with her hair tightly held in grips, and how amused she'd been when he silently stepped up close to her and removed the hair pins, allowing her hair to hang around her shoulders and simply announcing 'that's better' afterwards. Maybe he'd have to do that tonight…

"DiNozzo," Gibbs warned, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yes, boss?" he asked breathlessly, not taking his eyes off of Ziva.

"Close your mouth, that's your partner."

Recovering himself, Tony straightened himself up. "Yes, boss," he repeated.

Penny ran from his side, dropping the hand she had been holding, and went straight to Ziva. They met at the bottom of the staircase, and Penny hugged her legs. Part of Tony wanted to call out and stop her, in case she ruined the dress in anyway, but Ziva didn't seem to be thinking that way. Instead, Ziva bent down and placed her arms around Penny, allowing the small girl to kiss her on the cheek and then returning the favour even though she'd clearly spent the afternoon perfecting her appearance. This always surprised Tony. It didn't matter how long Ziva would spend making something perfect, she'd never deny Penny the chance to look in or help her; even if it meant that perfection being compromised.

Seeing Ziva pay that much attention to his daughter stirred something inside of him. He didn't know what it was, but it gave him the urge to do something drastic to make Ziva live with him and Penny (maybe burn her house down and offer her a place to stay?). He loved seeing them spend time together. He liked watching someone making his daughter happy. Even more so, he liked watching someone making Ziva smile. The most important people in his life; Ziva and Penny. Knowing that they brought smiles to each others faces made him feel warm and fuzzy inside, even though months ago he'd have denied that. He just didn't know what feeling that was.

And why did it feel stronger when Ziva was smiling at him?

By the time Penny had successfully dragged Ziva by the hand to his side, Jenny and Gibbs had moved on to greet other guests. "Daddy, look! Ziva's here!" she told him brightly.

"Yeah, she is…" he said, now that she was less than three feet in front of him. He smiled at her, running his eyes the length of her body and back again. "Ziva…you look…wow…just…wow," he decided, stammering as he couldn't keep his eyes from her.

"You are speechless," she realised.

"I ...you just look...wow."

"You have already said that," she pointed out.

"I don't know what else to say," he admitted, looking her in the eye now that he had drunk in every inch of the dress. "Ziva, you look...you look beautiful."

She smiled, looking around them. "Thank you. Although, I believe I may have dressed too much for the occasion."

"You look perfect," he assured her." There's not a man in the room who's not checking you out right now," he glowered at the leering men. "Unfortunately."

Admiring his tux, Ziva removed a brush of glitter that had rubbed off from Penny's dress. "You do not look to scruffy yourself, Mr. Bond."

Penny grinned up at them. "Now you really gotta dance with her, Daddy."

Not taking his eyes away from Ziva, he nodded. "Yeah, I think I'll have to."

\--

Out on the dance floor, Abby and McGee held each other close. "You know," Abby commented. "You should wear a tux like this more often. It suits you."

"Are you kidding me? I look like a lounge singer in this thing," he groaned.

"I'm serious," she said, nudging his shoulder. "You look really…"

"Hot?"

"Handsome," she corrected.

"I guess I can live with that," he smiled, leaning to kiss her gently, but not before making sure Gibbs wasn't watching.

"You know," Abby started again. "When we do stuff like this it makes me glad we're making a go of this for real."

"You were having doubts?" he asked.

"No, of course not," she told him quickly. "I love you, remember? It's just that scare was well...scary," she remembered.

"You're okay though," he pointed out, rubbing his hand across her growing stomach. "Both of you are."

Doubt filled her voice. "You really think we can do this?"

"I thought you weren't having doubts?" he questioned.

"I'm not, I just...do you?" she asked him.

"Yeah," he said, and then again with more confidence. "Yeah, I do."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever heard you sound so sure before," she commented.

"It helped me to think what it would be like to have a baby with you," he revealed. "Knowing what it would be like to see you glowing."

She smiled. "What do you think it would be like...having a baby together?"

"We'll find out soon," he reminded her.

"I know, but what did you imagine it would be like?"

"I thought it would be amazing," he told her. "When you have the baby, I'll be in the delivery room with you, and when you start screaming at me to rot in Hell, I will." She laughed at him, but he carried on. "We'll raise our baby with values that are important to us, like respect for other people's opinions and doing what's right even if it isn't easy. When they go on their first date we'll be sitting at home, nervous and waiting but acting like we aren't...and then one day they'll go off to college, and we'll look at each other and think...'you know what? We did a good job'."

She smiled at him, shaking her head. "God, McGee...no wonder you're a bestseller."

\--

Tony approached Ziva, noticing that she was standing talking to James from accounting, which had made him grumble from afar. Because of this, Abby and McGee had temporarily kidnapped Penny and were holding her hostage until Tony got his act together and asked his partner to dance. So, he crossed the room to where she was standing with James. "Hey," he smiled at her. "Can I borrow you for a second?"

"Of course," she said eagerly, her eyes screaming 'save me'.

James got the hint, and smiled at Ziva. "Enjoy your night, Ziva, you look really nice tonight."

He left, and Ziva is amused by the glare that Tony directs at the man's back. "Why are you staring at him like that?" she asked.

"He said you looked nice," he spat.

"Women like to be told that."

"'Nice' is practically an insult, Ziva," he told her. "The way you look tonight...just...so much more than beautiful..."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Well, uh..." he said, catching himself. "The real reason I stole you away from the Accounting Demon is to uh...ask you if you wanted to dance."

"I would love to," she smiled.

Ziva took his hand and allowed herself to be lead to the dance floor. They passed Abby and McGee on the way, and McGee's jaw dropped - he hadn't thought Tony would actually go through with it. "Problem, Probie?" Tony asked.

"You're actually going to dance with Ziva?"

Tony looked at Ziva, but the comment was directed at McGee. "The word you're looking for is 'wow', and the word I'm looking for is 'in your face'."

The music began, almost on cue, as he lead her to the centre of the dance floor. Not many people were dancing now that the large buffet on one side of the reception hall had been open, which pleased him just fine. He wanted to dance with Ziva, and he didn't want the rest of NCIS teasing the two of them about the same 'denied feelings' that McGee wrote about in his novels. He didn't know what was worse, working with the teasing for the next three years, or Gibbs giving them a lecture on rule twelve. He never gaze never strayed to the people that may or may not be watching them. He had more important things on his mind. He took her in his arms, one hand on her hip with the other holding hers. She smiled, placing her free hand on his shoulder; the space between them more than obvious, and both had an aching to fill it, but they held back.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us  
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust.  
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years.

"Why have we never danced together before?" Tony asked aloud, as they swayed to the music. He found it strange, with the amount of under cover scenarios they'd participated in, they'd never danced together. He'd watched her dance under cover, when she'd had to dance with their suspect, but he'd never danced with her…something that had proved to be a greatly missed opportunity.

"You have never asked before," she pointed out.

"I asked tonight."

"So you did," she nodded, "and here we are dancing."

Tony gave her a mocking grin. "Christmas came early this year."

"Then I shall return your gift," she threatened lightly.

"You got me a gift?"

"You got me one," she replied.

"How did you know?"

"Penny told me."

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes.

Steady hands just take the wheel  
Every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal  
For the life I lead

The chorus of the song kicked in, and Tony seemed to be waiting for it. He'd heard this song before on the radio, but never paid attention to the words, not as much as he was now. Mind you, he was dancing with Ziva, he wanted to remember this song. He wanted to remember the words. He wanted to remember every second of how she felt in his arms because he didn't know how long it would be before he got an opportunity like this again. As the tune of the song became more powerful, he put more feeling into his steps; steps that he hadn't used for a long time now, but ones his feet still know. Ziva followed his lead, allowing him to move her across the dance floor in any way he wanted, listening to the words of the song as much as he did.

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be.  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need.  
Oh, can you see what I see?

The slower tune returned to the song, and to match, their movements also slowed. However, after a graceful turn, Ziva ended up being pulled close in to Tony, through no intention of their own. The gap between them was now gone, as she ended up pressed firmly against him in all ways. Tony groaned uncomfortably. "Ziva…" he murmured, his face wrought with control.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Do I need to remind you how long I've been without a date?" he half-laughed.

Teasingly, she grinned. "Am I tempting you, Tony?"

"You're teasing me, that's what you're doing," he corrected her.

"And how is that?" she asked.

They're trying to come back, all my senses push  
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could  
Steady feet don't fail me now  
I'm gonna run 'til you can't walk  
Something pulls my focus out  
And I'm staring down

He placed his hand on her upper back, wishing that he felt her hair spilling over his fingers, but instead there was nothing but air. "The last woman I held like this, I had no intention of letting go of for the rest of the night," he told her with a smirk. However, he leaned in closer, whispering directly into her ear; "and right now, I feel like I couldn't let you go either."

Ziva was about to answer, but before the words could leave her lips she found herself spinning as he moved quicker with the music again.

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be.  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need.  
Oh, can you see what I see?

During the instrumental part of the song they danced expertly, as if they'd danced the steps together a million times before. However, the music soon calmed again, and they stood in the middle of the dance floor, their eyes connected. The moment they had stilled, Tony gave in to temptation. He reached up, finding the singular clip that held her hair in place and he gently removed it from her hair. Immediately, her curls tumbled down her back, brushing against his skin and hers, and in their proximity he heard her sigh when he did this.

What you need, what you need, what you need...

People were watching them now, that much was obvious, but they didn't care as they stood motionless in the centre of the floor. Tony leaned forward, placing his hands in her curls. Ever since they'd been under cover together he'd been wishing for this moment, the moment where he could dive his hands into her luxurious hair, feeling its softness between his fingers and knowing that she knew it was him that was doing it. Not Jean Paul Ranier. This wasn't a fake husband. This was Tony, and only Tony, and there was nothing fake about it.

Stop and stare

He brought one hand down, trailing it through her curls until it rested on her upper arm. He trailed his finger tips up and down the skin there, a gentle motion that seemed to have her surrender to him. His other hand cradled her hair beneath her hair, so he felt it when she seemed to surrender, her neck collapsing a little as she leaned ever so slightly into his hold. He leaned forward, closing the gap even more as he rested his forehead against hers, and the additional contact as well as the motion of his finger tips was enough to make her shudder.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

Her shudder ran through her, transferring onto him. Knowing that she was in the moment as much as he was gave him the courage to move again; too intoxicated in the moment to think of any reason to stop. The hand that was on her arm moved, settling on her lower back. His hand landed on nothing but bare skin, the top of his hand teased by the very last length of her hair. As his thumb stroked the bare skin ever so gently, she trembling unwillingly in his arms once again, only this time she knew it affected him because she felt his breathing hitch.

Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared

She remembered Abby's words: 'he wouldn't hold out like that for just anyone', and put one of her arms around his neck. It would have drawn them closer had they not already been impossibly close. Her other palm was sprawled on his chest, ever so slightly trying to find a hold against the shirt he was wearing. Her eyes were raised to his, only an inch away, and she found herself unable to move under his gaze. His eyes watched her, seeing so deeply that she felt as if he were seeing all her soul, faults and all…eyes that were speaking volumes of words that she knew he'd never say aloud…

I've become what I can be

Breathlessly, Tony spoke, his lips so close to her own that she felt them more than she heard. "Ziva..." It had never been like this under cover; they'd always been so focused on appearing like a married couple that they'd always dived at each other's lips the moment they'd realised they'd be faxing sex again. Now, however, as instinct took over Tony, gradually leaning him closer to her lips, he realised that married couples weren't like that. Of course, they had their passion, but passion wasn't always about speed. Passion was about timing. Passion was leaning in so slowly that it drove both of them crazy…both of them wanting, pleading, for more…

And then the moment was broken. Penny tugged on the side of Ziva's dress. "Ziva, do you want to dance with me now?" she asked.

They broke away, realising what was happening. Tony kept his eyes on Ziva's, even though she decided to avoid his gaze. Instead, she smiled at Penny and took her outstretched hand. "I would love to, Penny," she told her.

As Penny and Ziva went to a different area of the dance floor, Tony heard the last line of the song, one that would echo in his mind, summing up everything he felt when he watched his partner and his daughter interacting with such ease together.

Oh, do you see what I see?


	27. For The Better

Gibbs stood in the doorway to the living room, watching as the majority of his team stood decorating the Christmas tree. It wasn't his living room, it was Jenny's; she'd rightly pointed out that they all, with the exception of Abby and McGee, had planned to spend Christmas alone. It was also Tony's first Christmas with Penny, and seeing as they barely had room in their apartment for Tony's DVD collection, especially now that most of Penny's Disney films were taking over the shelves, they definitely wouldn't have room for a Christmas tree. So, the gang were all staying at Jenny's for their few precious days off over the Christmas period. Christmas Eve had dawned late that morning, and they had all gone over with their gifts, placing them under the bare fir tree in the window of the living room. Now, with only six hours to go before midnight heralded the start of Christmas, they were taking up the long-held tradition of decorating the tree.

Abby stood to one side of the tree, hanging some baubles directly before her - naturally, she had picked out the red ones, seeing as all of them had insisted black baubles weren't going to hang on their tree. Her eyes strayed to her left, watching McGee with a smile on her face as he lifted Penny up to reach a higher branch with her decoration. Her hand went down to her stomach, now fully showing that she was pregnant, and her smile grew. Gibbs saw this look, even if McGee didn't. He also saw the almost maternal way that Ziva placed her head on Penny's hair when she had been returned to ground level. Ducky was sat in the armchair beside them, taking various photographs when they least expected it. Of course, most of the time was spent asking Abby how to use her latest digital camera, and spent a long time commenting on how they were too complex for the simple task they were needed for.

"I love Cissmas," Penny grinned, clapping her hands together at the tree. "It's sparkly."

Gibbs smiled at this, noticing that Jenny had come to his side from the kitchen. She handed him a drink. "She's changed them all, hasn't she?" Jenny pointed out.

He nodded, listening to the teams laughter as Tony came into the living room with an armful of tinsel he'd found in Jenny's attic. He ceremonially dumped it on Ziva's head, covering her in the shining decorations and grinning stupidly at her when she resurfaced with a playful glare. "For the better," Gibbs agreed.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
Let your heart be light  
From now on, all your troubles will be out of sight.

They stood there in the doorway, former partners now watching the team they watched over, the team one of them managed and the other directed. They laughed silently as Penny ordered them around now, telling her father that the tinsel wasn't high enough, or telling McGee that he couldn't put the pink bauble next to the red bauble, or ordering Ducky to take another photo of her with someone. Of course, they all humoured her until Tony and Ziva finally took action. The partners immediately set about the task the same way they would apprehend a suspect. They looked at each other, silently forming their plans before nodding at the same time. Ziva reached down, scooping Penny up in her arms and holding her in place while Tony closed in to tickle her. She giggled in delight, squirming against them both.

"Tony's changed the most, of course," Jenny continued.

"He's got a lot to learn."

"And yet, you're still proud of him."

Gibbs was silent, watching as Tony took Penny from Ziva and kissed her check with an exaggerated 'mwah!' before putting her back down on the ground. "Aren't you?"

Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
Make the Yule-tide gay  
From now on, all our troubles will be far away

Jenny mimicked his silence, staring into her drink for a moment before returning her attention to the team. "Do you ever feel like a parent to your team?" she asked him.

Gibbs thought about her words, looking out at the team in question. Abby, most like a daughter to him, of course. He'd always hoped that Kelly would have grown up with her; with an appreciation of others opinions, wanting to help people, but knowing ultimately the difference between right and wrong in a world where the lines were blurred. Then there was McGee, the man who would basically the son who had hidden away from his abilities because he was too afraid of others opinions and criticism. He had taken him, forced him to realise his true capability and introduced him to his own world. And Tony…well, the son who'd be most like him, as much as he'd refuse to admit it. Tony could always be counted on to get whatever information was needed from even the toughest suspects, even if his means were not always admirable - not to mention the fact that he was a dedicated father who now lived to spent every second adoring the child he'd missed out on for three years. Then there was Ziva, the girl who joined them from another life, almost their adopted daughter. She'd had a bond with Jenny to start with, thanks to the missions they'd done in Eastern Europe together, so she had no trouble getting on her surrogate mother's side. Getting on Gibbs' good side had proved a little more difficult, but she had proved where her loyalties lie when it came to realising what Ari had done. And Penny…who else could she be but the glue that had bound them all together?

"Most of the time," he admitted.

"Good," she half-laughed. "It's not just me then."

Here we are as in olden days  
Happy golden days of yore  
Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more

Tony lifted Penny again, placing her on his hip so that she had better access to the higher tree branches. She giggled as he blew raspberries into her neck, and then threw her arms around his neck. Of course, they'd been more affectionate with each other that day than anyone besides Ziva had ever seen them to be, but this caught him off guard, especially when she gave him a kiss. Gibbs saw the somewhat shocked look on Tony's face, but was pleased to see it fade and Tony return the gesture before they went back to their decoration.

Then, they stepped back to admire their handiwork, the tree now completed. Abby moved to stand beside McGee, and he put his arms around her from behind, both hands settling on her swollen stomach. Tony stood with Penny still on his hip, holding her with both arms. Ziva, beside them, looked a little out of place for the moment, until Tony noticed this, taking one arm and throwing it casually over her shoulder, drawing her closer into the ground.

"Where's the star?" Penny asked.

McGee handed Penny the star after Tony had lifted her so she was sitting on his shoulders. She reached out, her tiny hands placing the star on the top of the tree. She clapped her hands together when it was finished again and they all smiled.

Through the years we all will be together  
If the fates allow  
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough  
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Gibbs nodded to himself, moving further into the kitchen to refill his now-empty drink. As he turned, he murmured a string of words that were meant to be spoken to himself, but Jenny heard them.

"Good to have a family Christmas again."

\--

The evening passed with them all gathered in the living room. Ducky would be leaving soon to spend the remainder of Christmas with his mother, but for the meantime he was more than content to sit by the living room window with Penny, talking to her about some of the more forgotten origins of Christmas traditions. She'd loved to hear about singing carols on doorsteps, and had demanded to know why Tony hadn't taken her carol singing. He'd given her a much softer and innocent version of the fact that most people would open their doors and scream profanities at them for interrupting their evenings with terrible singing of songs that most people didn't even known the words to anymore. Penny had been more shocked, though, when Ducky told her how he had once misbehaved near Christmas and his mother had told him how Santa would leave a lump of coal in place of a gift. She'd spent a long time examining her gifts under the tree (from a distance and with no touching, at Tony's insistence) so that she could make sure none of them were coal-shaped; because even though she'd tried "specially hard" to be a "specially good girl", apparently with Christmas you can never be quite sure you were well behaved enough. However, when she yawned, the sound reached Tony's ears and he looked over from where he was sat beside Abby on the couch.

"Looks like bedtime," he announced.

Clearly exhausted, Penny turned her head to him, her eyes pleading for a bedtime extension. "But it's Cissmas…"

"It's Christmas tomorrow, princess," he reminded her.

"I don't wanna go sleep," she complained drowsily.

"Santa won't come until you're sleeping," he pointed out.

Jenny piped up from where she was sitting in one of the armchairs across the room, a glass of wine in hand. "When I didn't want to go to sleep on Christmas eve, my father used to read me The Night Before Christmas," she remembered. Some of the others looked at her strangely, trying to imagine their Director as a little girl with a rebellious 'I don't want to go to bed' attitude. It was like the rare times when they heard about what she got up to when dealing with cases alongside Gibbs. The more stories they heard the more it made sense that she ended up travelling through Eastern Europe with Ziva.

"Yeah!" Penny grinned, her energy returning somewhat now that she had a viable reason to stay up a little longer. "A story!"

"I don't know it," Tony admitted. "Not enough to be able to tell her."

"Then I believe luck is in our favour," Ducky told him. "Gather closer, my dear," he told Penny, and she scooted onto the carpet, sitting down before Ducky.

"You know the whole poem?" McGee asked, almost in awe.

"Why, yes, Timothy," he nodded, as if it were simple. "My father frequently told us this tale during the Christmas period, before his death, that is. After he had passed, I took up the tradition to tell my young niece. Well, she is not so young anymore. A grandchild of her own on the way! Mind you, her son is only fifteen…the things children get up to these days…"

"Duck," Gibbs half-laughed, merry from the amount of alcohol he'd had - a sight the others were enjoying. Abby still had her camera firmly in her hands, ready for the moment when he transitioned from 'merry' to 'completely smashed' and did something she'd only happily remind him of when he was sober again. She had a five dollar bet with McGee that it involved Jenny and mistletoe. "Not really the time for that conversation."

"Ah, no," he realised, remembering Penny sitting right before him. "Now, where was I?"

"Story!" Penny said brightly.

"Not a story, my dear, but a poem," he told her, gently tapping her nose when he leaned forwards in the chair. "It was written a very long time before you were born by a man named Clement Clark Moore. 'Twas The Night Before Christmas," he told her.

"I am not familiar with this particular tradition, either," Ziva added in.

"Then you'd best gather around as well," Ducky told her.

Of course, when Penny realised that her and Ziva were listening to the story together, it was only natural that Tony found himself dragged down onto the carpet with them. Penny curled up in his lap, more than happy to turn him into a rather lumpy armchair which she could jump around on to her amusement, while she waited intently for Ducky to begin the story. Realising that there was no hope of returning to the couch, at least not before Penny had been put to bed, he leaned back on one arm, making himself as comfortable as possible on the ground. As he wrapped his other arm around Penny, Ziva started to mimic his decision, leaning on her arm so that she was more comfortable. However, much to Abby's delight, she appeared to be leaning into Tony because of the way they were leaning on their arms. The forensic scientist grinned ear-to-ear, nudging McGee in the side.

"Look!" she hissed.

"What am I looking at?" he asked her, gently rubbing the spot on his ribs that she'd jabbed with her nail. Another Abby-induced bruise to add to the list.

"Tony and Ziva!"

McGee sighed, putting a hand over hers and speaking slowly as if he were talking to a child. "Abby, we talked about this, remember?" he told her. "Just because they stand or sit within three feet of each other does not mean they're destined to be together." She pouted, but then remembered the camera in her hands. Gibbs' drunken actions weren't nearly as important as documenting a picture she could enlarge and post on their desks with a note that said 'get a clue'. She snapped a picture of the three when they weren't looking and gave McGee a triumphant look.

Before Ducky could begin his tale, Penny tugged on Tony's shirt. "Daddy?"

"Yeah, babe?" he asked her.

"Are we a family?"

"Of course," he assured her, recovering from the shock of the question that had resulted in his leaning arm slipping beneath him, giving him the beginnings of a nasty rug-burn on his palm. "Me and you."

"And Ziva?" she asked.

"And Ziva, and Uncle Gibbs, and Auntie Abby and…"

She interrupted him. "Not just us and Ziva?"

He gave her a confused look. "No, Penny, we have a big family."

"Oh," she said simply.

She turned her full attention back to Ducky, unaware of the confused look exchanged between Tony and Ziva.

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there."

Gibbs felt the couch beneath him move as another occupant filled Ziva's empty space at his side. He didn't look up from where he was watching Tony and Ziva, as he knew that it was Jenny beside him now. She was the only one who would slide into a spare seat next to him at any given opportunity. It was something he was pleased to realise he expected of her now, especially at a time like Christmas, which, since Shannon and Kelly had died, had left him holed up in his basement with a bottle of the strongest alcohol he could find until the holidays were over and he could go back to work. He said nothing, however, and continued his observing of his agents. He was glad that Tony and Ziva were there for each other, especially considering the past six months, which had been heartbreaking on different grounds for the both of them, but even he couldn't deny how naturally they acted like a family. Jenny nudged his arm, sharing his gaze.

"They aren't together, Jethro," she told him. "Don't look so worried."

"For how long?" he asked.

"They are both good agents," she reminded him. "They know the complications of getting involved with a co-worker."

"I know how to build a boat with my bare hands, but I still get splinters."

An amused smirk appeared on her lips at his justification. Only Gibbs could successfully liken a relationship to building a boat. "I doubt that the two of them will become involved," she continued. "They each have their own lives, both of which are very different…"

"Yet Ziva sits there, celebrating Christmas," he pointed out.

"She hasn't abandoned her own traditions," she reminded him, indicating to the candles on the windowsill…four now lit in honour of her own holiday celebration.

"But she's willing adapt them to fit Penny."

"Precisely," Jenny nodded. "She's doing this for Penny, not Tony."

"I repeat," he told her. "For how long?"

Over on the other side of the room, Ducky continued reading the poem aloud. "And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,  
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.  
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,  
Down the chimney, St. Nicholas came with a bound."

Tony sat, not really paying attention to the story, with a gentle frown on his face. What had Penny meant by him and Ziva being her family? With the exception of her wanting Alicia back for Christmas, he was starting to worry that, being so young, she was started to forget her mother. It made him think about the DVD Alicia had left to him, the one containing everything he had missed that she had documented…the one that he hadn't watched yet, even though it followed him everywhere in his bag in case, by some magic, he decided he wanted to watch it. Recently, as Penny began changing from the three-year-old scared girl he'd first come to adore into the proud little girl who was "not three, I'm nearly four", he'd had the aching urge to watch the DVD. However, whenever he put the disc into his DVD player he'd been unable to press 'play'. Perhaps now was the time to watch it? No, he told himself almost immediately. This wasn't a time for sadness. This was Christmas Eve, and he had his daughter in his lap, his closest friend beside him, and his family all around him.

He turned his attention to the little girl in his lap, and then to Ziva, smiling as he noticed similar expressions on their face from the tale that neither had heard before, as Ducky reached the end. "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,  
And away they flew, like the down of a thistle.  
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,  
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

"And speaking of 'goodnight'…" Tony jumped in, looking down at Penny, who now rested her head tiredly against his shoulder. "Bedtime, little lady."

"But Daddy…"

"Santa won't come if you're awake. Come on, say goodnight."

She made her way around the room, kissing and hugging everyone goodnight before she wandered back over to Tony. "You tuck me in?" she asked tiredly, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, of course," he told her.

"Ziva, too?" she asked.

Ziva looked surprised at this. On several occasions she'd been asked to listen to the goodnight story, but never asked to help tuck her in. It was Daddy and Penny time. Whenever she'd said her goodnight to Penny, she'd always leave the room and start picking whatever movie her and Tony were going to watch. Soft voices would drift down the hall, but even her trained ears couldn't pick up whatever the two said to each other during tucking in time. "Uh…"

"Come on, Zee-vah," Tony told her, standing up with Penny on his hip and extending a hand to her. She took it, pulling herself to her feet before Tony wrapped both his arms around his exhausted daughter. She followed them upstairs, giving her a full view of Penny's comfortable face as she dropped her head over her father's shoulder, and then stood over the side of the bed when Tony placed her in it. In a few hours, Tony would probably be getting in on the other side of her, the two of them sharing the spare bedroom. He placed the blankets over her, handing her Bertha the hippo, and then kissed her when she leaned up for her routine goodnight kiss.

"Will you go to sleep like a good girl tonight?" he asked her sceptically. She was getting better at going to bed without a fuss, even when her movie hadn't finished or when the story wasn't over because it was just too long to reach the end before her eyes dropped completely, but Christmas was an exception, and they both knew it. Christmas had more excitement with the next day than a Wednesday evening did. Christmas had presents, presents that were only downstairs in the living room and just waiting for her…

"What time will Santa get here?" she asked him, ignoring his question, which lead him to believe that she had no intention of going to sleep like a good girl at all.

"As soon as you've gone to sleep," he told her.

"But I don't wanna go to sleep," she argued.

"We've all got to sleep."

"But I'm all excited!"

Ziva laughed softly at her enthusiasm. "Penny, morning will come much sooner if you go to sleep," she added.

Penny just frowned. "How does Santa know when I'm not awake no more?" she asked.

"He knows everything," Tony told her simply. "Just like he knows you've been a very good girl this year. Now," he announced, kissing her again. "Goodnight, Princess Penny. I'll see you in the morning." He felt like adding in 'don't wake me up too early', but he knew that this would only make her think she was allowed to wake up ridiculously early, and he certainly didn't want to encourage that.

He stepped back, allowing Ziva space to do the same. "Laila Tov, Tateleh," she whispered. Behind her, Tony fought a shudder. He didn't know what it was, but he knew that when she spoke those words something happened to him. He didn't know whether it was her native tongue or the softness she directed towards his daughter, or maybe the combination of the two, but it affected him in a way he couldn't understand.

"Thank you for tucking me in, Ziva," Penny told her.

Tony smiled, as did Ziva. He'd been working on the 'thank you's now that she'd gotten the 'please's down to a T. "You are very welcome," Ziva replied.

"I wanted you to, 'cause of what Uncle Gibbs told me," she continued.

"What did he tell you?" Tony asked, resting his arm on the headboard so that he could watch the two of them. If this involved her wanting to take up a new hobby with boat building he was going to have to have some serious words…

"That Christmas was special 'cause you got to be with all your family together. And I like having my Daddy and my Ziva for my family," she said.

Tony was about to speak, but he stopped himself. This was between Penny and Ziva, he realised. Penny knew that Tony was her family, and vice versa, but up until that moment Ziva had always been 'her friend', and he realised that this was his much-too-mature-for-her-age daughter showing Ziva that she was a part of her new family as much as Tony was. Because of this, he didn't interrupt the moment, but he did see a gentle sheen cover Ziva's dark eyes in the soft light of the room.

"Who's your family, Ziva?" Penny asked.

"I have my sisters, Abby and Jenny…" she started. "And my brother, McGee…I have my Uncle Ducky, and I have Gibbs, who is more like my father than my own father…and most importantly," she announced, giving Penny a kiss on the cheek. "I have you and your father."

Tony was stunned in his silence. Didn't he come under the brother category? Cousin? Close family friend that was practically because they spent so much time together? Neighbour? Neighbours pet dog? Why not a brother?

"I like that we're all family," Penny told her.

"I like it too," Ziva agreed.

"I don't got any brothers or any sisters." She looked up at Tony. "Is that my Kissmas present?" she asked.

"No," he told her quickly, causing Ziva to laugh at the look on his face. "You're already getting a cousin?"

"Wassat?" she asked him.

"Your cousin will be the baby that's in Auntie Abby's tummy right now," he told her.

"When will it come out of her tummy?" she asked impatiently.

"Soon," he assured her. "When it's all grown."

"How did it get there?"

He shuddered, horror pulsating through his body. The sex talk? No way. Too young. Definitely too young. Not until she was thirty and after she had been married for ten years. Then he'd explain that to her. He simply leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, Princess."

After assuring themselves that she was definitely going to fall asleep, the pair returned downstairs to the others. They settled on the free couch, joining in the conversation that had already been started in their absence: the baby.

"Have you thought about any names yet?" Jenny asked them.

Abby nodded. "Yeah…not necessarily agreed on them, though."

"What have you considered?" Ziva asked.

"Tim likes Rebecca and James. I like…"

"Esmeralda and Malachi," McGee finished for her.

"They are all beautiful names," Ziva admired.

"But the only name we could think of and agree on was Caitlin," Abby said softly.

"And we figured that Kate would have only killed us from beyond the grave for naming our child after her."

"I'm surprised she wasn't hovering in on the conversation," Tony agreed.

"Oh, she was," Abby said firmly.

McGee sighed. "Abby, we've been through this…"

"No, seriously," she urged. "When I mentioned Caitlin as a possible name a book fell of the shelf."

"It was balanced on the edge, Abby, you hadn't put it back properly…"

"It was Kate's favourite book!" she argued.

"It wasn't a sign, Abby, it was a coincidence."

"It was a sign," she decided. "We can't call our baby Kate."

"Malachi McGee sounds ridiculous," McGee told her.

"Malachi Scuito sounds awesome," she grinned.

"Malachi Scuito-McGee sounds even worse."

"Wait a second…" Tony interrupted, and everyone looked at him. "Did you hear that?"

"No," everyone said.

"I did," Ziva agreed. "Footsteps."

They both turned, looking over the back of the couch into the hall. Penny was there, at the bottom of the stairs, clearly having snuck out of bed. "Uh oh," she said.

"Bed," Tony said simply.

"But-"

"Come on. Now," he said.

He got up from the couch, lifting her into his arms and taking her back to her bedroom. This served no purpose, however, other than to show her that he was willing the play the game. She kept running downstairs the second after Tony had sat back down on the couch. An hour later, they were still playing the game, the point where it was now no longer Tony playing, but the first person who caught her. Tony and McGee struggled with physically carrying her up the stairs. Abby, Ziva and Jenny all had the much more effective approach, which involved pointing up at her bedroom and waiting for Penny's teenage-like sigh before she took herself back to her bedroom. Gibbs took his usual approach. When Penny had been faced with him in the hall, he'd simply stared at her until she had wordlessly scampered back up the stairs and closed the bedroom door behind her. One time, she'd run into Gibbs' legs where he had been waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her to try again. McGee had nearly tripped back down the stairs when he accidentally stepped on the bottom of her nightdress. Eventually, they decided to ignore her sneaking, and she simply remained standing behind the couch, waiting for someone to notice her and keep on playing the game. After a few moments, Tony looked over the back, seeing that she had leaned her head against the back rest and fallen fast asleep against it. He carried her up, putting her back in the bed, and this time she didn't come back down.

Tony, just as exhausted as Penny was after running up and down stairs for an hour, collapsed back onto the couch. Beside him, Ziva was relaxed on the couch with a glass of wine; Jenny in a similar position on her other side. Abby and McGee were falling asleep leaning on each other, and Gibbs was sitting in the armchair beside Ducky, holding a coffee and not looking the slightest bit tired. Ducky smiled, looking around the NCIS family that had become like children to him, and he reached for his hat, preparing to leave to join his mother back at home.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."


	28. The Most Perfect Thing

"Wake up! Wake up, Daddy!"

At Penny's cry, Tony sat bolt upright; still half-dragged into the pull of sleep and looking much like a flattened animal in terms of his hair, which stuck up in all directions. "Wassrong?" he asked, his bleary eyes landing on Penny, wondering if this was an emergency bathroom run, a monster-under-the-bed incident, or an uh-oh bathroom run.

"It's Cissmas!" Penny announced.

For a moment, Tony was stunned. Christmas. Christmas morning. It took a few seconds for him to realise that this was the reason she was so awake and lively at…he checked his watch…four-thirty in the morning. He watched her, blinking slowly and willing himself to wake up to at least one-tenth of her energy level, but at four-thirty in the morning that was going to take a miracle. Her own eyes were much more alert; filled with curiosity and the typical child-like innocence. He could remember her looking at the finished Christmas tree the night before, such wonder in her eyes that he wished she'd never lose.

Christmas hadn't always been an enjoyable time for Tony. For him, Christmas was about family, even when his family was no longer complete and very much broken. After he lost his mother, his father began to shut him out, insisting that a 'real' son would grow up more, would get rid of his toys, would show some respect. There were many years, shortly after his mothers demise, that his father hadn't been there with him to help a younger, more impressionable Anthony DiNozzo hang up his stocking. He hadn't bothered to read the Christmas traditions and tales, so his encouragement to believe in a seasonal magic that could lighten even the darkest moments came from the bottom of the younger boy's heart. He could remember his first Christmas without his mother when he had crept into his father's bedroom, jumping on the bed to get him to wake up because Santa had been. He'd been ordered back to bed until it was breakfast time, and his father had told him that Santa only came to good children who respected their parents. Tony had spent another two hours in bed, literally sobbing into his pillow at the thought of Santa forgetting him. His father had got him no Christmas gift, and never had done again, but his grandmother had arrived later that day. She'd stayed for Christmas dinner, which he'd helped her cook, and for a few hours, at least, he'd been able to enjoy Christmas. Later that night, he remembered sneaking into his father's study to give him the Christmas gift he'd made for him in school. He could vividly remember the clay model of a car, that he'd spent hours painting and bragging to his friends about how it was his dad's favourite car. He could also vividly remember the way his father had pushed the clay car aside because it was getting in the way of what he was reading.

Christmas would be different this year, though. For the past few years, since he had been working at NCIS, Christmas had been a guaranteed two-day vacation. This time, the Director had allowed them to take a fortnight off, providing that they come in immediately if any urgent cases arose. Tony had been thrilled about this, because it meant that, after watching Penny's drastic build up to Christmas, they'd actually be able to spend it together. He was spending Christmas with his family. His real family.

And most importantly, his daughter.

"It's Christmas," he repeated.

"Presents!"

With that, Penny leapt from the other side of the bed, running to the bedroom door with an acceleration that shouldn't have been possible quite so early. It flew open on it's hinges but Tony luckily managed to scramble after her, catching hold of her just outside of the doorway. After all, it was still before sunrise; the team deserved a break from waking up at this hour as it was Christmas.

"Shh!" he told her in a whisper, when she squealed in his grasp. "It's still early."

"But Santa's been!" she protested.

"How do you know?"

"'Cause I've been sleeping," she pointed out.

"Well, everyone else is still asleep, so we've got to wait until they get up," he told her simply.

She pouted. "Don't wanna wait."

"Don't look at me like that," he told her. "We agreed that we're going to wait. Remember, we said that we wanted to open presents all together?"

"But Daddy…"

"No, we're waiting," he said firmly, but he was still smiling.

"But you're the best Daddy…"

"I know that," he nodded.

"And the bestest Daddy would open presents," she tried to convince him.

He grinned, shaking his head. "Flattery will get you nowhere. We're waiting for everyone else to get up."

Penny played with one side of her hair and smiled sweetly at him. "They'll get up more faster if we wake them up."

He looked at her, seeing his own mirrored prankish streak in her face. "I've got an idea," he smirked.

\--

Withholding the giggles that would get them caught, the father and daughter menace team creaked open a bedroom door that was not their own, sliding it ever so gently over the carpet beneath so that it didn't make a noise. Tony knew that opening it quickly would probably ensure the silence better, but sneaking quietly and slowly was all part of the fun. As they entered the bedroom they noticed straight away that Ziva was still asleep, lying on her stomach with her face half-hidden in the pillow. When they stood at the end of the bed, crouching down to mattress level, they could hear the sounds that she made in her sleep; too loud to be breathing, but too close to the time she naturally awoke to be full-on sailor snores. Getting closer, Tony realised that she had kicked off some of the blankets in her sleep, revealing the soles of her feet to them.

Tony stared at the revealed sole of the bottom of the bed. He looked at Penny, pressing finger to his lips when she smiled, and reached his wiggling fingers forward…

"Do not even think about it, Tony."

Tony and Penny looked at each other, frowning. Ziva had known they were there the whole time. He looked up for a moment, noticing that her eyes were still closed and that her face was still away from them. Keeping his eyes on her, he reached out again.

"I will hurt you, Tony. Badly. And holiday season or not, you will suffer."

How the Hell did she know these things?

They looked at each other again, after all, there was no point being secretive now that they had been rumbled. Taking on foot each, they started to tickle Ziva's feet (Tony safely assured that she never slept with a gun beneath his pillow when Penny was around. Weapons are not Chrismassy, he'd told her). Ziva shot up in the blankets, struggling away from them with her curly hair wild in her face. It was only when she noticed Penny, the partner in crime, that the vengeance and urge for inflicting pain disappeared.

Instead, she narrowed her eyes. "Tony, you really are a child."

He grinned at her. "It's Christmas, Ziva."

"And when everyone's all waked up we can open presents," Penny added.

Ziva smiled at this; "then who is next on the list?"

\--

Tony and Ziva stood out in the hall, willing themselves to wake up as Penny disappeared into each bedroom in turn. Abby and McGee came bleary-eyed out of the bedroom they were sharing, followed by a very pleased Penny. Jenny looked as though she had witness Bugs Bunny singing karaoke with Clint Eastwood, and appeared more stunned than exhausted. Goodness knows what Penny had done to wake her up. Ducky had gone home late the night before to spend the morning with his mother, so that only left one more bedroom…

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," Tony suggested, as they all stared at the closed door.

"It was your idea in the first place," Ziva reminded him.

"Exactly why it might not be a good idea."

"But he's gotta wake up!" Penny told them.

"She's got a point," Abby nodded. "We're all awake now except him."

"He's probably already awake," Jenny jumped in.

Penny frowned. "But if he's already woken up why didn't he come and wake us up?"

Before any of them could explain to her that Gibbs probably wasn't anywhere near as excited about Christmas as she was, she had scurried through the door and into the final spare bedroom. All of them watched after her with gaping jaws.

"Wow," Abby murmured. "She just walked right in there."

"You can't deny, she's got courage," McGee nodded awefully.

"She's probably the only one who could get away with this," Tony said.

"Yeah," Abby agreed. "Even I wouldn't try that."

Inside the bedroom, Penny had posed herself on the edge of the mattress, just about ready to jump on Gibbs when he quickly sat up, grabbing her. He threw her down onto the bed beside him with a dramatic roar and tickled her while she squealed with laughter. Outside of the bedroom door, his team stood motionless in amazement. Then, Penny came back out, a very-awake Gibbs behind her, and she took her fathers hand, dragging him downstairs.

"Present time!"

\--

Jenny's living room quickly became piled up with gift wrap, with a second carpet of wrapping paper and boxes littered between piles of new toys, DVDs, books, baby gifts, lots of alcohol, and the several bottles of perfume that everyone had brought Jenny at a loss of what else to buy her. Penny had done each of them a gift which she claimed to have made herself, but really she had just posed in the pictures with each team member and watched as Tony wrapped them up in the frames she had chosen but Tony had paid for. After opening their gifts, they each settled into their own activities. Gibbs and Jenny sat almost silently on the couch, a tiny gap between them as they watched Abby and McGee playing one of Penny's simple board games with her. Tony stood in the kitchen, watching from inside as his daughter interacted with the soon-to-be parents of baby Probie, grinning when Penny called them both out on purposefully losing to make her look better.

"They will be good parents."

He turned his head, noticing that Ziva was sitting behind him, leaning on the island in the centre of the kitchen with a mug of Jenny's 'famous' cocoa. "Yeah," he nodded, accepting the mug that she offered him. "They will."

"Why are you not in there with them?" she asked him, as he sat down on one of the stools beside her.

"I've got one last gift," he told her.

She noticed the long box he held in his hands. "From whom?"

"Me."

She frowned. "You brought yourself a gift?"

"No, it's from me, but it's not for me," he explained.

"Then who is it for?"

He shook his head, unable to believe that such a valued investigator wasn't understanding where this conversation was leading. "You."

Confused, she frowned even more. "You have already given me your gift."

"The photographs?" he shook his head. "They were from Penny."

"They were more than enough, Tony," she assured him.

"From her, yeah, but I wanted to get you something else," he explained. "Something that showed you how much I appreciate what you've done for us…both of us…but mainly me, because I paid for it."

"And this is why you are standing alone in the kitchen on Christmas morning?"

He rolled his eyes, a cover to check that everyone was still in the living room. "If I gave you this in front of the others they'd start thinking we were hiding a marriage from them," he explained.

"Oh, I see," she laughed lightly. They were no strangers to the 'Tony and Ziva belong together' club that Abby seemed to have founded.

"Close your eyes," he told her casually. She looked at him suspiciously. "Trust me?"

"Of course," she answered.

"Then close your eyes."She did, feeling him take hold of her wrist in one hand. She heard the box he was holding open, followed by a cold sensation on her skin before the sound of a clasp latching closed was heard. "Okay, you can open them again."

She did, looking down at the wrist he was still holding. She was now wearing a delicate bracelet, red stones buried within the silver of the chain. She gasped. "Tony…"

"If you don't like it, just say," he told her. "I can exchange it or whatever."

"It is beautiful, I love it," she assured him, unable to take her eyes off of it.

"Good," he sighed in relief, "because I spent hours choosing it."

"Is it real?" she asked him.

He looked at her as if she were insane. "You think I'd buy you fake jewellery to say thank you?"

It looked expensive. Very expensive. Too expensive. "I am hoping you did."

"Don't, you deserve it," he said quietly.

With a small smile of disbelief, she shook her head. "I would not go that far."

"I would," he replied instantly. "When was the last time someone treated you like this?"

Memories of times when her father considered her more of a daughter than a personal assassin filled her mind. "A long time ago," she admitted.

He closed his hand over her wrist, his grip gentle despite being so firm. "Ziva, the real reason I brought this for you is because I wanted you to know how much you mean to me," he told her. He looked down at their hands because the burning sensation on his skin from being under her gaze would be too much to take if he actually saw her eyes on him. "The past six months have been really hard, and you've been there even when I pushed you away. I know I haven't been perfect, for Penny or for you, when I should have been but I know where I am in my head now, and I'm going to try more from now on," he told her softly.

She took her free hand from around her mug and placed it over his. "Nobody expects you to be perfect, Tony."

"I want to be," he nodded, finally raising his eyes. "For you."

Before Ziva could answer, the others all burst into the kitchen, as if on cue. It seemed that whenever something drastic escaped their lips somebody was nearby to jump in and stop the other person from reacting. "Hey," Abby grinned. "What are you two doing out here?"

Tony moved his hand further down her wrist, hiding the bracelet from their view. Ziva noticed this, and quickly came up with an explanation that didn't involve something Abby could warp into thinking they were confessing their love for each other. "Tony was just explaining to me how he has more of a Christmas spirit this year," she said.

"Uh…yeah," he nodded quickly. "I was."

"Really?" McGee smirked. Yes, he smirked. He didn't believe them at all.

"Do tell," Abby said, also smirking. Clearly she didn't believe them either.

"Uh…" Tony trailed off, stumped.

Luckily, Ziva had the save. "He told me how he sees things differently now; that things are not perfect around here, but that it does not matter." Tony looked at her curiously, and as if by clockwork Penny came over to crawl up into Tony's lap. He put one arm around her to hold her in place, but kept the other hand on Ziva's wrist. She continued, looking at the others rather than at him. "Things are not perfect and they never have been. We make mistakes, sometimes we have broken hearts, sometimes we fight, even amongst ourselves, and there are days when we return home and wish that we did not have to go on tomorrow. But these days are easier for us all now that we have Penny, as we can look at her and remember how amazing something as simple as life can be." She raised her eyes to Tony. "And that sometimes, being imperfect can be the most perfect thing."

They shared a gentle smile, which didn't go unnoticed by the others but none of them understood it. They hadn't heard the conversation before hand, where Tony had told her how he wanted to be perfect. Of course, that was impossible. He knew that perfect wasn't something he could be, or anyone, for that matter. What he could be, however, was imperfect.

And that seemed to suit everyone just fine.

\--

A little after one in the morning, Ziva awoke to the shuffling of footsteps downstairs. The natural investigator in her told her to go downstairs and check it out, but the newer side of her, the softer side that told her that no one was going to break into a house belonging to the Director of NCIS on Christmas night while it was filled with several federal agents, so she left her gun upstairs. She descended the stairs, trying to make a little noise as possible; something she was very good at thanks to her Mossad training. She expected to find Jenny making coffee, or Gibbs drinking coffee; the two of them a pair of insomniacs, although that was probably due to the amount of coffee they drank no matter what the time or weather. They were certainly the only people she knew who would drink a strong coffee at near midnight on a stifling hot summer night. She'd almost expect to have found Abby, shuffling around because the baby was keeping her up or that she couldn't get comfortable because she was used to sleeping on her stomach and now there was a tiny person preventing that. It could have even been McGee, on yet another run to satisfy his pregnant girlfriends midnight cravings by raiding Jenny's cupboards for the most ridiculous foods.

She really didn't expect to find Tony to be the culprit.

He was sat on the couch, all the lights in the room off. She only knew it was him for certain because of the way his shoulders hunched; the way they used to, months ago. They way they did when things got too much. She didn't know how long he had been sitting there, but she knew that he wasn't there when she went to bed three hours ago. He'd gone up to bed with Penny to watch one of her new Disney movies (something about a princess and a talking chipmunk) in the spare bedroom. The door had been left open and as she'd walked past into her own bedroom she'd looked in and found them both asleep on the bed, sprawled out at all angles while the credits of the movie played along to a bouncy pop song - one that, from the sound of it, Penny would have fallen in love with and demand to have played a thousand times a day.

With his shoulders hunched over, sitting in the darkness, it hardly seemed like five months had passed since Penny had come into his life. It was hard to visualise the progress he'd made, both as a father and as a person. The back of his head was all that was on show to her, the dark hair spiked up roughly in various directions from where he had clearly been running his hands through it in frustration. She went up to the back of the couch, standing behind him. He either still hadn't heard her, or he was ignoring her completely. She supposed the first option, considering that she could now see the reason he was hunched over.

In his hands was a disc in a clear plastic cover. To someone who didn't know anything about him, it could have been a CD, a blank case, or just a film he was waiting to start playing. To Ziva, however, it was what was holding Tony back. She couldn't deny that he was everything Penny needed, but there were some things that still held him back. She knew, because of the look in his eyes. Sometimes he'd watch her, seeing her do something for the first time, and he'd wonder what it would have been like to watch her do other things for the first time. One day he'd been stunned to silence when she first managed to swing a jump rope over the top of her head and manage to jump in time before it reached her feet. She managed this for three jumps before almost tripping, but Tony suddenly realised that she was at the skipping stage; he hadn't been there to see her take her first steps, or run for the first time, or jump for the first time, but he'd seen her skip.

He was there for many firsts, but he hadn't been there for the first firsts. That was what held him back. No matter how much he was there for now, how much he was always going to be around, there was always one thing that separated the father and daughter: the past they'd been apart for.

Still standing behind him, Ziva could recognise the tell-tale signs of him lapsing back into his regrets. For a start, his hands were still as they held the disc. Usually, even when he stood still, his hands would twist and turn, his fingers would tap against the nearest surface, or he'd look like he was giving himself a thumb war. It was his natural energy. She'd never once known him to be calm, other than moments like this, because when he was nervous or agitated his movements became more frantic and uncontrolled. His hands were still now, void of their energy because he was so drained, but at the same time, she couldn't help but wonder if he had ever felt more alive. He was sighing every so often as well. It was as if he were sighing more than he was breathing, and she knew that this was sign of the exhaustion he was no doubt feeling. He was showing it, of course. But his sighs were not helpless, or restless….just tired.

"Tony," she whispered, reaching out a hand to his shoulder.

His head snapped up, an awful crack sounding from his neck. He winced at the sensation aching through his muscles, and then smiled weakly at her in the darkness. "Hey."

"I thought you and Penny were sleeping," she said, as she came and sat down on the couch beside him.

"She is. I'm not…clearly."

"Is everything okay?" she asked him.

His hands jerked a little, drawing her attention once more to the disc he was holding. "Alicia left me this so I could see what I missed of Penny's life," he said simply.

"I remember," she nodded.

"She wanted me to see it and…" he stopped, sighing again. It was heavier this time.

"You have not watched it," she realised.

He shook his head. "I couldn't," he whispered, as painfully as if he were admitting defeat.

"You are not being forced to watch it," she assured him.

"I didn't want to see all the things I didn't have a chance to be around her for," he told her. "But today…seeing her open those presents…she was happy with Alicia, happy before me. I know she's happy now but…I want to see what she was like when she used to be happy. I want to watch it, but…."

"You are unsure," she finished for him, when he was unable to form a complete sentence without going off on a tangent worth of Ducky.

"That's one word for it," he half-laughed, irony removing all laughter from his voice.

She placed her hands over his, and this action made him realise that even though she was wearing her nightdress with a robe over the top she was still wearing the silver bracelet he'd given her that morning. "If you would rather not watch it alone, I will stay," she told him.

He shook his head. "I can't ask you to do that."

"You do not have to."

He stared at her, seeing the strength in her eyes even in the darkness of the living room - a strength she was offering him. He wasn't used to this, even after all he'd been through with his partner. He wasn't used to accepting her as the strongest one in their partnership. They were equals, perfect matches. They were a perfect team because they made up for each other's strengths and weaknesses. That's what they were doing now, really, he realised. She was the strength when he was weak, just like he'd been for her. "Thank you."

Silently, she took the disc from his hands, which immediately started jittering with anxiety once its focus had been taken away. She set the DVD player up before returning to the couch beside him, watching as silently as he did when video clips began to play.

Penny appeared on the screen, a little girl with a furiously curly mop of dark hair. She was wearing a pink sleep suit, and holding on to someone's hands. Then, the hands either side of her let go, and she began to take slow, shaking steps. "First steps," Tony whispered towards the television. The screen showed her taking four steps on her own before she fell back onto her behind with a look of innocent shock.

"Look at you, messy girl!" a voice said through the video clip. Alicia's voice. Penny was sitting in a high-chair, making a huge mess with her breakfast. "Is that yummy?" "Uh-huh" "Can I try some?" "No, Penny's." "All yours? None for Mummy?" "Nope. All Penny's."

The next was Penny at around two years old. She was wearing a white summer dress, her hair having fallen from tight curls into the loose wave that he recognised more now. She ran up to the camera, looking half-anxious, half-excited. "Mummy, snake in garden!" "Snake?" "In flowers!" The camera moved, following Penny to a patch of flowers. "There, mummy! Snake!" Only it wasn't a snake, as Alicia's laugh soon proved to them. It was a caterpillar. Penny, on the other hand, though this wasn't as funny. "No laugh! Snake eat pretty flowers!"

Again, Penny grew in the space of a few seconds, her hair longer now, just past her shoulders. She was wearing a glittery dress, not unlike she had done at the Christmas party last week. "And why are we all dressed up today?" "Birthday!" "How old are you today, Penny?" "Three!" "What happens when we're three?" "We're big girls!" "What about when you're a really big girl? What do you want to do when you grow up?" "I'm gonna dance lots and everyone will watch me." To prove her point, Penny started shaking around and dancing.

There were more clips, all of which brought a smile to Tony's lips, even if it was more of a sad one than pleased of what he was seeing. He watched as a young Penny walked around in Alicia's high heels, unaware that she was being filmed. He saw his young daughter playing with her dolls, treating them like real babies as she tucked them into her bed and kissed them goodnight. He saw her dancing, always dancing. She liked dancing, he realised. He should encourage this, right? He should let her do something that she loved. She'd make friends with something like that, something like dance lessons that would get her meeting and socialising with other kids her age.

Penny in a navy-blue t-shirt and jeans was sitting on a garden wall, curling her hair around her fingers. The camera came up close to her and she stared into the lens. "Ok, Penny, are you ready?" "Yeah." "Ok, do you want to do your message for Daddy now?" "Yeah." Tony's neck stiffened. "Hi Daddy. I miss you lots. I want you to come live home with me and Mummy. I'm a good girl, you'll like me lots and lots and lots. Mummy says you're on holiday but you might come home and see us soon. I hope you do. Come home from holiday, Daddy!"

Tony hung his head for a moment. Penny had believed him to be on holiday. From time to time, she asked him how his holiday was, and liked to check when she had nightmares about her mother that he wasn't going to go on holiday and leave her alone. He promised her that if he ever went on holiday again he'd take her with him. Since then, she'd been asking to go to Disneyland. But all the time she thought he was on holiday, he'd been out partying, drinking way too much, taking home random girls for relationships that would last less than twelve hours. He wasn't sure what kind of holiday she thought he'd been on, but he was pretty sure it wasn't an Ibiza weekend.

"Hi, Tony."

He lifted his head again, and was greeted with the sight of Alicia's face on the screen. Since her death, the only time he'd seen her face was in the picture on Penny's nightstand. Now, she was right in front of him, sitting up in a hospital bed. She was wearing one of the headscarves to hide her baldness. She was dying when this part was filmed. Without realising it, he began to squeeze Ziva's hand tighter.

"It's me. Guess you wouldn't recognise me without the hair but…you saw me earlier today, so I guess you will." Earlier today? This had been filmed when he was out meeting Penny for the first time. "I'll be gone when you finally get give this disc. Knowing how stubborn you are, Penny's probably in college by the time you're watching this. If that's the case, I hope she's giving you hell with her boyfriends." On the screen, Alicia laughed, but the laugh turned into a cough.

Tony rubbed a hand over his eyes for a moment, unable to see her in pain. "Do you want to stop?" Ziva asked him. He shook his head, returning his gaze to the screen.

"You came to see me for the first time since…since we parted ways. I asked one of the nurses to set this up for me and she promised to put all the footage together on a DVD for you. I hope it came out okay. Seeing you today was amazing. I can't believe I went so long without seeing you. It helped having Penny, because I got to see you through her. She really looks like you, doesn't she?"

"Yeah," he whispered to the television.

"…but it would have been better to have you both there. Who knows, maybe none of this would have happened if we'd done this together, but that's my fault. I want you to know that I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to be Penny's father until this happened. Now, I realise that you'd have been a good father, but back when I got pregnant I was terrified…your idea of responsibility was remembering more than four items on the grocery list. Taking care of a baby was overwhelming. Anyway, seeing as I'm the reason you didn't get to see all of this in person, I thought I'd better give you all the record I have of her growing up. She was a beautiful baby, wasn't she?"

"Yeah," he whispered again.

"So beautiful. So much like you. Always. A nightmare to get to sleep at night. She used to wake up, every ninety minutes, without fail, until she was nine months old. Her second birthday was the first night she snored…she definitely gets that from you."

Tony and Ziva both allowed a tiny laugh to escape at this. Snoring seemed to be something they all had in common.

"I can't thank you enough for taking her in. I know that if you're watching this, then you have. Thank you, so much, for making sure that my…our little girl gets a good chance in life even through she doesn't have a mother. Who knows, you might even be able to give her another mother one day? I wouldn't mind her calling another woman 'mum', but as long as she doesn't forget me. I understand that she needs a good role model in her life, but I don't want to be just a name from the past, Tony, that's all I ask. Please don't let her forget me. I love her so much. She's my baby girl and I'll always love her…I know that you'll love her as well, and that you'll protect her, so that's why I trust you. I trust you enough to know that if you find a woman who can love her as much as you can, then you should let Penny call her what she wants to. If it makes her happy. I want her to be happy. I love her, Tony, and I know that you'll love her just as much. Goodbye, Tony."

And then that was it. It was over. Her face disappeared, and Tony almost cried out in protest when the 'stop' symbol appeared in the corner of the screen. He reached for the remote, untouched at his side, and rewound the DVD a little bit. He went up close to the television, pausing it on her face when she was smiling at the screen. Smiling. How he wanted to remember her. Smiling. Happy.

"There are a million things I wish I'd told you before you died," he whispered at the screen, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry."

"Tony…"

He turned, and Ziva was standing behind him. He stepped forwards, closing the gap before she could react to his movements and holding her tightly. She tensed for a moment, unsure of what to do. He'd hugged her before, but never this fiercely. His arms were so tight, as if they were trying to melt them into one person…or as if he were afraid she'd leave if he let go.

"I should have told her," he vented.

"You were not aware," she told him softly, putting on arm on his back and placing her other hand on the back of his head, her fingers delving into his hair. It had the same calming effect on Tony that it had on Penny.

"It shouldn't have come to this."

Ziva was silent for a moment. Her fingers relaxed against his head, combing through the hair at the base of his skull. He sighed, and buried his head further into her hair, blocking out the world as she whispered. "I know."

"You're always gonna be here, right?"

She was shocked at the sudden change of direction. "Tony…"

"I can't lose another best friend, Ziva. I've already lost one of the women I loved, I can't…" he broke off, taking a shuddering breath. "Promise me you'll always be here."

She couldn't promise that. For a number of reasons she couldn't promise him that. Their job was too dangerous for that. They could get shot in the line of duty, killed in an instant, erased from life in a moment. One moment could end everything. What about Mossad? She was only at NCIS as a Liaison Officer. Mossad or NCIS could terminate her contract any day and she'd be sent back home. Once she was back in Israel, she knew she'd never be able to return. It was something she tried not to think about but it was a possibility she couldn't completely ignore. Tony had once called it a weekend fun-pass, right? As much as she could pretend otherwise, eventually, she was going to have to leave, either by sense of duty or her fathers orders. However, despite the overwhelming odds against them, she still nodded. "I am not going anywhere."

They remained there in the living room for some time, unsure of what else to do. They both knew he couldn't go upstairs to Penny in this state, so they didn't move; keeping the distance between themselves and the people upstairs. Tony focused hard on breathing in and out, however many times he needed until the image of Alicia's face and the startling reality of losing everyone and anyone he cared about were gone. Ziva, on the other hand, couldn't stop replaying his words in her head.

I've already lost one of the women I loved. I can't…

Couldn't what?

Lose another?


	29. Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

Christmas seemed to pass too quickly for Tony's liking, and much too quickly for Penny's. It seemed like only hours after they had left Jenny's house they were packing away any decorations into a box they'd now labelled as 'Christmas' and shoved into the back of the closet. The shreds of gift wrap that had somehow found their way home with them and taken up refuge in all crevices of the couch had been fished out and thrown away. All leftovers that Jenny had insisted they take home with them (which seemed to be more than the actual meal itself had been), had been eaten and thoroughly enjoyed on the days when Tony didn't feel like cooking but it was too late and cold to think about leaving the apartment. It seemed like only hours ago, but it had been over a week.

New Years Day, and the team found themselves in the office. A case, it seemed, couldn't wait one more day for all the hung over people in the world to recover. Tony never even remembered his New Years Days before. New Years was about remembering the previous year and looking forward into the new one, a habit he wasn't particularly fond of until this year. The looking back hadn't always been pleasant, but the looking forward definitely was. He had it all planned out now, you see…taking Penny to Italy, starting school in the fall, convincing her to take up a less expensive hobby than horse riding…

Thankfully, Tony hadn't gone out on New Years Eve. He knew that the others no doubt had plans, but he didn't know what they were. As they had spent so much time together over Christmas they'd decided to part ways for New Years. He'd remembered Abby and McGee mentioning travelling to see their parents before the pregnancy prevented Abby from being able to travel that far, but he wasn't sure if they'd actually done it. Ziva probably stayed in. He'd half-considered inviting her over for the evening but decided that she was probably sick of the sight of him after Christmas. Three days together in the same house was pushing it a bit. At least with work and Penny demanding she have dinner and stay for bedtime they managed to get three or four hours apart each day. He and Penny had stayed in on New Years, despite his usual callers arriving on his doorstep and offering parties galore that he'd once have been joining in for before they finished convincing him. Instead, they stayed in and watched a movie before Penny fell asleep on his bed, surrounded by a scattering of popcorn that he'd had to shuffle around on all night and eventually wake up with a piece jabbing him in the eye.

"Two more minutes and you'd have been late," Gibbs told him, without even looking up as he rushed into the office.

"Sorry, boss," he mumbled, throwing his stuff onto his desk before trying to usher Penny upstairs with minimal fuss.

"Don't apologize-"

"Sign of weakness, got it."

Tony disappeared, lifting a giggling Penny over his shoulder to ensure her co-operation in his speed. When he finally collapsed back at his desk, turning his computer on, he found Ziva looking at him. "You look awful."

"Thanks, good to see you, too," he rolled his eyes.

"No, I mean you look exhausted," she corrected herself.

"Didn't get much sleep last night," he explained.

She smirked. "Did Penny keep you awake with her partying?"

"No, she managed to sleep through the deafeningly loud firework display at the end of the street," he grumbled.

Ziva laughed, and Gibbs got to his feet, throwing his cell phone into his pocket and grabbing his coffee. "Grab your gear. Rear Admiral's daughter found dead in the park."

"But…"

Gibbs stopped. He turned, staring down at Tony sternly. Daring him. Challenging him. "Is there a problem with that, DiNozzo?"

Tony hesitated. "I may have kinda promised to be here for lunch."

"Then you may have to kinda cancel that date," Gibbs said simply.

"For Penny."

For Penny. Two words that had become a scapegoat for the entire team. "I'll take her for lunch."

Stunned that this had worked, Tony's eyes widened. "You will?"

"Is there a problem with that, as well?"

"Uh…no, no problem. Thanks, boss."

"I told you to grab your gear twenty seconds ago," he said simply.

Tony all but stumbled to his feet. "Grabbing the gear."

\--

Standing in a small clearing in the centre of the park, Tony shuddered. It was still cold, winter having set in now that any hopes of a white Christmas had abandoned them. Above them was a grey-clouded sky, obliterating any chance of the day warming up; in fact, it seemed more likely that a storm would set in at any second. He wasn't looking forward to that, that's for sure. Somehow, Penny seemed content to sleep through hours upon hours of fireworks displays in their neighbourhood, but the first rumble of thunder had her sneaking into his bed at night, clenching onto him until it had rumbled out of visibility. Thunderstorms never bothered him; he could easily sleep through even the most violent storms, usually because he'd been working all day, like he would have been today, and he was too exhausted to stay up and watch the streaks of lightning like he did as a child. With Penny, though, he knew he'd be getting no sleep during a thunderstorm.

For the moment, the weather seemed like it would hold, though, and for that he was pleased. Gibbs had already headed back to NCIS headquarters, still intent on taking Penny to the lunch Tony had promised her, and taking all evidence they'd found along with him. There hadn't been much evidence to process, though. A morning jogger had called the police after finding the body on his route, and when the twenty-four year old woman had been identified they had called NCIS. It wasn't pleasant, as the woman had her throat slit by her killer.

Tony went back over to the ground, hoping that they could have the body moved back to NCIS for autopsy before the storm set it. Thankfully, when he arrived back on the porch, he found that Ducky and Jimmy were already moving the body on the gurney towards the truck. McGee was still on the edge of the clearning, getting statements from the jogger who had found the body and another jogger who had stumbled across the scene before the authorities arrived, and so he approached Ziva, who was standing where the body lay moments ago, writing something down in her notepad.

"Ducky is taking the body back now, we will be ready to leave soon," Ziva murmured. When she looked up, she noticed Tony visibly stiffen before her, all tension rushing to his shoulders as he reached a hand to his weapon. "What is it?" she asked, noticing that the object of his interest was over her shoulder, judging from his position.

"There's somebody here," he said, before raising his voice as well as his weapon. "NCIS, drop the weapon!"

Ziva whipped around, her own weapon falling into her grasp with a familiar ease. Whoever was upstairs was hidden behind a tree trunk, but it was clear to see it was a male, strong build, and he definitely had the barrel of gun pointed at them. At first, it was pointed at Tony, but rather than placing the weapon down, as instructed, he darted across the tree gap, too quickly for them to make out any more of a physical description, but enough so that he could hide behind the another trunk and instead aim his weapon directly at Ziva. Without missing a beat, he fired the weapon, but Tony acted quickly, pushing Ziva out of the way. They fell to the ground, unfortunately landing in some kind of shrub with sharp points, grazing them in places, but more fortunately out of range of their assailant. Immediately, they jumped out of their cover but the man at the edge of the clearing was gone. A search of the surrounding area found no one, and he'd left no evidence behind. Returning their weapons to their holsters, Tony looked over to Ziva.

"You're hurt," he noticed, reaching out his hand and inspecting a graze just above her temple. It was deep, but not incredibly deep; thankfully a war wound from the shrub they had landed in, and not a graze from the bullet that had been aimed at her. She hadn't noticed it until he did, and it certainly wasn't life threatening, however it stung when Tony's fingers came into contact with the skin around it. She winced, pulling away and shaking her head.

"I am fine," she assured him.

He should have known better, really. Even when it was just the two of them in a room alone, she was never going to admit to being in pain. He stepped back, getting back into his professional manner and looking around them. Now that the situation was sinking in, he couldn't look at her. Not knowing that she'd been shot at. Not knowing that if he hadn't pushed her out of the way, she'd have been hit…

"He was aiming for you," he said quietly.

"He aimed at both of us," she pointed out, brushing it off as if it wasn't a big deal.

"But he shot at you," he argued.

Ziva smirked. "They always shoot at the women first, Tony," she pointed out.

He knew he wasn't going to get her to understand what had happened inside his head at that moment, so he gave up. "Come on, we better get back and tell Gibbs."

\--

Back in the lab, Abby was pacing up and down. McGee had called her quickly to tell her that they were just finishing up, but that they were bringing more evidence back with them other than what Gibbs had already brought back. She'd argued back, telling him that it was stupid and that they should have sent it back all in one go, but when McGee had told her that Ziva had been shot at, she'd instantly changed her mind from 'pissed off' to 'extremely worried' - especially when he hadn't told her what had happened because he had to go.

"Your new science project," Gibbs announced, as he came into the lab with the first box of evidence.

"Is Ziva okay?" Abby asked. "I heard some guy took a shot at her."

"DiNozzo said she's injured, she's insisting that she's fine…"

"That doesn't tell me anything!" she exploded. "Tony worries about her and Ziva would insist she's fine even if her arm had been blown off!"

"She's hurt from ducking out of the way, Abs," he assured her. "A scratch, that's all."

She frowned. "Your gut says something." Gibbs just stared. "The Gibbs-Gut speaks! I know it does! What does it say!"

"Abs-"

"Do you think it was a set up?"

"Abby-"

"Oh my God, you do! Someone wants to kill Ziva?"

"Abby-"

"Oh my God-"

"Abby!" he said, rather sternly as he put his hands on her shoulders. "I need to know everything about this evidence, and soon."

"But she's okay, right?" she pressed.

"She's fine, Abby. They're on their way back now, all in one piece."

She nodded, pleased to have finally got an answer that reassured her. "Anything I need to know?" she asked, turning her attention to the evidence.

"No leads so far. How long?"

She smirked at him. "Gibbs, the difficult I could have done within an hour. The impossible, however, takes a little longer."

Producing a caff-pow from nowhere, Gibbs kissed her cheek. "It's not impossible for you," he said, before making his usual swift entrance.

\--

Downstairs in autopsy, Ziva had been forced into sitting on one of the unused tables so that Ducky could inspect the wound. She wasn't pleased about this, though, and kept moving her head out of the way.

"This is unnecessary," she argued. "I am fine."

"On the contrary, my dear, this is most necessary," Ducky contradicted her. "You don't want that wound to become infected. Then we'll be insisting on a hospital trip, I'm afraid."

"It is not a wound, it is a scratch--"

"And it can still get infected," Ducky pointed out.

"I am fine," she insisted again.

"Sit still, or I'll do it," Tony butted in tiredly.

Ziva, however, continued to struggle and attempted to get off the table completely. "I do not think-"

"I wasn't joking, don't say I didn't warn you," Tony said simply.

He took the antiseptic and cloth from Ducky, and stood before Ziva, standing between her parted legs once he had physically lifted her back onto the table. She looked at him, more in shock than in protest, as he began tending to her wound. Her shock was what prevented her from struggling against him and trying to move as she had with Ducky. It didn't numb the pain, however.

"Ah!" she hissed, as the antiseptic made contact with her wound.

"Yes, it will sting a little," Ducky said, watching from one side.

"I had assumed."

The medical examiner watched as Tony continued to clean her wound. Luckily it was from grazing against a branch, and not from a bullet wound. With the concern Tony was showing her, however, you'd think it was a bullet wound. Mind you, losing Kate to a bullet probably didn't help. Silently, he tended to her wound, and then covered it with a small patch of gauze. Ziva never took her eyes off of him, a curiosity written on her face; half wondering why he was doing this, and half concerned that he was acting a little too protectively over this; over her. But she didn't tell him to stop, like she had done with Ducky, she remained still, waiting for him to finish. When it was over, and he stepped back, Ziva was surprised to find that she wanted the contact still, and couldn't deny that she liked having that sort of attention from him.

"How's that?" Tony asked, his voice soft but still echoing in the almost empty room.

"Much better, thank you," she smiled slightly.

"Let me see," Ducky said, reminding them both that he was still there as he examined Tony's work. "Ah, good job, Anthony. I think we're done here."

"Thank you," Ziva said, finally pleased that she was allowed to leave. They got into the elevator, and rode up the one floor to Abby's lab. When they were out of the elevator, though, Tony put his arm out, effectively trapping her against the wall just outside of the lab. "Is something wrong, Tony?" she asked him, when he made no move to speak.

"I want you to stay with me tonight," he told her.

"Thank you, but I have my own home waiting for me."

"You shouldn't be on your own tonight, Ziva," he pressed.

"I will be fine, Tony. This was not the first time I have been shot at," she reminded him.

"Let me rephrase that: you're not going to be on your own," he urged. "Either you're staying with me at my place or I'm packing Penny's things for the night and we're coming to stay with you."

"I do not want to be a burden, Tony," she argued back.

"Ziva, you're my partner, and my best friend, and you've done so much for me…and it this bastard comes after you again you can't be alone, Ninja Mossad skills or not."

"You think he will try again," she stated simply. He looked away, but when his eyes returned to hers they told her everything. "You believe he set this up for us." He stared her down, almost intimidating her this time. Almost. "A set up against me."

"Something about this doesn't feel right," he admitted.

She smirked a little. "Your gut is becoming as troublesome as Gibbs'."

"I'm serious, Ziva. Something's not right here, we've got to be cautious," he continued. "He shot at you, and then disappeared when he realised he missed and that we were on to him. If this was a genuine set up, we need to figure out who he is and how much he knows about you. What if he followed us back here? What if he follows you home?"

"And if he does?" she asked.

"Then we can deal with it together," he told her.

"That is not what I meant," she replied.

"I'm not letting you get stalked by this guy."

"That is not what I meant, either," she said. He frowned, so she elaborated further. "Would you really have him follow me back to the place where your daughter sleeps at night?" she challenged him. He looked away, realising that he hadn't even considered this possibility. "I can protect myself, Tony," she assured him.

"You're coming home with me," he told her, still looking away.

"No, Tony," she pressed. "Not if this is as dangerous as you believe it to be. Your concern is appreciated, but I will not allow this to put your daughter in danger."

Silence fell over them for a moment, but then he finally looked her in the eye again. "At least if you're with me, I can protect both my girls at the same time."

Inside the lab, Abby and Gibbs stood stunned, having heard every word they'd said to each other. "They are so getting married one day," Abby grinned.

Gibbs, on the other hand, didn't seem so pleased about this. "What?"

"I said-"

"I heard what you said," he said, leaving the lab. When in the hall, Tony jumped back from where he was leaning on the wall. "Go home," he instructed them.

"Go home?" Tony repeated. "We're in the middle of a case-"

"Go home, I'll call you when I need you."

Confused, Tony and Ziva exchanged a glance. "Now, before I change my mind."

They knew he was serious about this, so they turned and went to the elevator, just before the doors closed, Gibbs called out to them. "Ziva, you're staying with Tony. Protection detail."

She stuck her hand out, so that the doors opened again, and she leaned her head out. "For Tony?"

"For you," he corrected her. "DiNozzo's on protection detail, not you."

She groaned in protest. "I do not need babysitting!"

Gibbs shrugged. "Either you stay with him, or he stays with you. Your choice."

\--

Just as they had suspected, a storm occurred that night, and it was a nasty one. Naturally, it kicked off about an hour after Penny had been put to bed. He knew that she'd be awake and in his bed as soon as the first clap of thunder sounded, but at least he'd manage to get her to sleep peacefully for an hour. He'd taken the words 'protection detail' with as much seriousness as he would do with a witness in a case, so he'd taken it upon himself to make up a load of rules that Ziva had to follow. Well, just the one, really. He hadn't offered to take the couch, tonight, so that she could sleep in his bed. Instead, he'd insisted that she slept on the usually abandoned side of his bed. She argued about it endlessly, but he'd urged once again that he'd promised Gibbs to protect her and that he couldn't keep an eye on her if they were sleeping in different rooms. She'd given in after an hour of arguing, and after they had put Penny to bed they went into Tony's bedroom to watch television. She'd asked why they were watching television there, which is when he explained about how Penny never stayed in her bed during a storm, and if it kicked off he didn't want the hassle of putting her to bed again so this way he could just tuck her under his blankets and let her sleep there. Ziva had fallen asleep, mentally exhausted from arguing and disagreeing on her abilities of protecting herself all day, shortly after they got into the bed. She was rolled on her side, facing him, and he found himself glancing over every now and again, watching her face peacefully bathed in the glow from the television screen.

He was still awake, still watching, when the first thunderclap sounded. He waited for a moment, turning the sound down on the television. Just like last time, he heard the stuffed animals on the end of Penny's bed land on the floor as she dramatically threw off her bed blankets. He heard her jump from the bed, and scurry down the hall as fast as her little legs would carry her. Then, he heard her push open the bedroom door and stick her head through the gap, testing the waters to see if Daddy was still awake. He smiled at her, and jerked his head to the side to signal she could climb in.

"You okay?" he asked her quietly as she curled up between him and Ziva.

"Stormy," she said simply. He put his arms around her, tugging the blanket up a bit more so that it covered her. "Do you gotta go to work tomorrow?" she asked him.

"Maybe, I don't know yet," he told her, making sure he kept his voice low so that he didn't disturb Ziva. It had taken him ages to convince her to sleep in his bed and he had a feeling that if she found a reason to leave the bed, just for a second, she'd end up 'just going to make a drink' and that would lead to 'I fell alseep on the couch listening to the storm'. He knew how her mind worked. He knew that she thought she was burdening him for the night, but everything about the situation said otherwise.

"But it's Saturday," she argued.

"I know, but I need to help find someone," he told her.

"A bad person or a good person?"

"A bad person."

"Why do you gotta find them?" Penny asked, as Tony turned the volume down on the television a bit more.

"Because they're hiding, and it's our job to find them."

"What do you do when you find them?" she asked him.

"We take them somewhere they can't be bad to people anymore."

"Why don't you just find them and make them not bad anymore?" she suggested.

"It's not that simple, Penny."

"Why not?" she asked innocently.

"Because some people do bad things that can't be made good."

"Scary things?" she asked.

"Yeah, sometimes," he nodded. "But there are people like me, and Uncle Gibbs, and Ziva, and Uncle Probie…and Abby, and Jenny, and Ducky…we all work real hard to make sure that people don't need to be scared of the scary things," he explained to her.

"Do you make the scary things not scary?"

"We make the scary things gone forever," he corrected her.

A crack of lightening and a loud rumble of thunder made Penny clutch at him even tighter for a moment. "Why is Ziva staying at our house?" she asked, when it died down again.

"Because some of the scary things came to get her today, and I've got to make sure that they don't get her," he explained.

"Why did the scary things come and get her?"

"I don't know," he answered; an answer he wasn't proud of.

"Did the scary things want to take her away?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, they did," he whispered, looking at the bundle under the blankets and the face poking out from the top. She looked peaceful when she was sleeping.

Penny reached out, starting to play with a bit of Ziva's loose hair. "Don't let them take her away, Daddy," she asked him fearfully. It had started with Adam, the not liking people distracting Ziva's attention from them thing. Even Penny had seen that Adam had upset Ziva, so she'd gone on to thinking that anyone who tried to sneak Ziva away from them would end up hurting her. Penny had taken it to heart that Ziva would be happy all the time with them, so with the idea of her losing Ziva in her mind, she wasn't amused in the slightest. In fact, she was so disturbed by the idea that she didn't flinch at the next thunderclap. Not having Ziva to be her Ziva was scarier than a thunderstorm.

"I won't," he assured her. "I'm gonna keep her here."

"With us?" she double checked.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Penny nodded as well, glad that he had promised this. Ziva was her Ziva. She wasn't going anywhere. Ziva had promised that, and Daddy had to ensure that this promise was kept. "Why aren't you sleeping too?" she asked him, looking at Ziva's closed eyes and noticing that her father's were still firmly open, even though he had announced 'bedtime' a long time ago.

He leaned in and whispered to her. "Because Ziva snores real loud," he told her.

Penny giggled. "You're silly, Daddy."

"But I'm the best, right?"

"Yeah, the best Daddy."

Penny curled up against him, and as the thunderclaps faded into the distance, so did Penny's consciousness. She fell asleep between the two adults, and Tony switched off the television, deciding that it was getting too late, even for him. Lying on his side, he could see both of their peaceful faces, but there was something that gave one of them away. Penny's lips were parted slightly in sleep, but Ziva's were still pressed together, not firmly, but enough to give her away. "I know you've been awake the whole time," he murmured into the darkness, once he was sure that Penny was asleep.

Ziva's lips curled into a gentle smile, but she didn't open her eyes. Instead, she sought out the arm that Tony had placed around his daughter, and she placed her palm against his forearm. Leaning her head closer along the pillow to the pair, she gripped his arm ever so slightly, and allowed herself to fall asleep for real this time. Tony just shook his head at her, knowing now that she was probably waiting for the opportune moment to sleep on the couch before Penny had come along seeking refuge for the night, and once he had seen the slight parting of her lips, almost identical to Penny's, he rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.


	30. Code of Honor

Gibbs didn't call through the night, but he did call in the morning to tell them that Tony's protection detail had been extended through the weekend. Tony had been pleased with this; always welcoming a chance to have Ziva stay for the entire weekend with him and Penny, but Ziva wasn't thrilled at all. The three of them were gathered in the kitchen. Tony and Penny were at the table, colouring away on a stack of paper as Ziva had insisted on making breakfast; her way of saying thank you even though she had been forced into staying over. However, even though she was cooking, she continued ranting about Gibbs's decision.

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Tony," she said, for the thirteenth time that morning alone.

"I know that," he assured her.

"It is Gibbs who does not," she said, waving a spatula around to prove her point.

"Gibbs knows you can take care of yourself," he told her.

"Then why place me under protective custody? Your protective custody?"

He looked up from the piece of paper he'd been doodling on. "Is there something wrong with my protective custody?" he asked her lightly.

Penny looked up, not understanding what they were talking about at all. "Are we having custard for breakfast?" she asked, completely confused.

"No, we're having…" he trailed off, looking at Ziva. "What are we having?"

"Eggs," she told him.

Tony looked back to Penny. "We're having eggs," he said, before turning his attention to Ziva once more. "Look, Gibbs knows that you're more than capable of looking after yourself. The only reason he said that is because someone deliberately targeting you is a lot more of a worry for him than someone targeting, say, me, because you have long past full of angry assassins who probably hate you for some reason or another and I just have ex-girlfriends and their husbands who hate me. Plus," he said, settling back with his drawing, "he probably knew that you'd spend the whole weekend here any how."

"Is that so?" she asked him.

"Yeah."

"What makes you think I would be here had I not been ordered?" she asked.

Tony grinned at her. "Deep down, you just can't resist my charm," he told her.

Laughing, she turned away from the eggs. "It is not your charm that brings me here," she informed him, patting Penny's head to prove her point.

"Hey!" he protested.

"I must say, I am surprised that Gibbs did not call us in in the middle of a case," she admitted.

"Don't complain about it!" he said, very rushed. "It'll make the phone ring."

"I wonder if he will also have a day off?"

"He won't have a day off, not in the middle of a case," Tony told her. "He's probably still sitting at his desk, drinking coffee and starting at something."

"I am sure he has a social life," Ziva pointed out.

"What's that?" Penny asked.

"It means he goes out with friends a lot," Tony explained.

"Oh," she said. "Does going out with Auntie Jenny mean a soshall life?" she asked, tilting her head to one side.

"Gibbs and the Director?" Tony asked, looking to Ziva. "A sequel to the Paris mission?"

Ziva shook her head, setting down a plate of eggs before the two. "You do not even know what happened on the Paris mission, Tony," she pointed out.

"Well, I'm guessing it was se--" he stopped, remembering that Penny was sitting there, listening intently. "…complex adult relations," he corrected himself.

"Interesting guess," she commented, as she joined them at the table with her own breakfast.

"You know, don't you?"

"I am not telling you.

"You do know!"

"Yes."

"How?

"You are forgetting, Tony, that Jenny and I became very good friends long before I joined NCIS."

Of course. Girl talk. "That's not fair," he protested, watching Penny out of the corner of his eye and grabbing a bottle from her. "Penny, that's enough ketchup."

Ziva liked this change of subject. "Tony, you had better hope that ketchup is a vegetable," she warned him.

"Why?"

"Because I am beginning to notice that it is the only one your daughter eats."

"That's not true," he argued.

"Yeah, it is," Penny nodded.

"Not helping, Penny," he told her.

"Ziva says it's 'cause you're a lazy cooker."

"Well, Ziva's wrong, isn't she?" Tony told her.

"No, she's not. She's never wrong. You said its really annoying that she's never wrong." Ziva laughed, and Tony rolled his eyes.

"Thank you, Penny." The phone rang in the hall, and he jumped up, groaning. "See, you jinxed us! Now we have to work!" He came back moments later, however, with the phone in hand, and extended it to Ziva. "It's for you," he said.

"Me?" she questioned.

"It's Abby."

"Oh," she said, taking the handset into the other room. "Good morning, Abby," she said, as she sat down on the couch.

"So, you're still at Tony's?" Abby commented slyly down the phone.

"Yes, I am," Ziva confirmed. "Gibbs has decided to extend protection detail until the end of the weekend."

"That's because Gibbs has joined my club. He doesn't know it yet, but he totally has."

"Your club?" Ziva questioned.

"Yeah, the 'Tony and Ziva are made for each other' club."

She sighed. "Abby, you promised me that you were going to stop trying to force us into a relationship with one another."

"That's only because you were clearly going to do the job yourselves!"

"That is not true."

"Clearly, that's why I founded the club."

"You promised, Abby," Ziva repeated.

"And you believed me?"

She shook her head. "Did you call me to tell me about this club?"

"No, I called to come and swamp Tony's apartment with you."

Confused, Ziva frowned. "Why would you want to turn Tony's apartment into a swamp?" she asked.

"Okay, wrong end of the stick there, Ziva-"

"When did we begin talking about sticks?"

"Right, let's start again," Abby suggested. "McGee's gotta go out of town for a couple of days and I need some company. Girl company."

"Where is he going?" she asked, tucking her feet underneath her on the couch.

"Norfolk. His mom's ill."

"Nothing serious, I hope?"

"No, a cold, I'll bet, but she's insisting her precious baby boy comes back to take care of her…which is why he's packing up all his stuff right now, under my feet, getting in my way."

Ziva laughed when she realised that the last part of her speech had been directed at McGee rather than her. "Does she not have a husband and daughter to do that for her?"

"Exactly my point! Anyhow, she's still not comfortable with the whole 'my darling son knocked up a goth' thing, so I've gotta stay here."

"Well, Tony is insisting that I do not leave his apartment…"

"Brilliant, I'll be there in an hour!" Abby said. "Oh, wait!"

"Yes?"

"Where did you sleep last night?"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Is that really necessary to ask?"

"Yes. Club privileges."

"I slept in Tony's bed." Abby squealed, and there was the sound of a slap, followed by McGee's obvious groaning. "Abby, Penny was also in the bed, nothing happened."

"He got Penny to sleep in with you two! He totally doesn't trust himself!"

"I am hanging up now, Abby," she groaned.

"No, wait! Tell me more."

"Goodbye, Abby."

She hung up the phone and went back into the kitchen, shaking her head.

"I guess Abby's coming over?" Tony assumed.

"She would not take 'no' for an answer. McGee is going out of town for a while."

"She told me she'd been trying to call you at home and was worried because you weren't answering," Tony revealed.

"She was suspiciously happy to learn I was still here," she remembered, sitting back down at the table.

Tony grinned to himself. "Imagine the look on her face if she knew that you slept in my bed last night."

"I did not have to," she said. "I heard her drop her caff-pow, and considering the following complaint I believe it landed somewhere on McGee."

He laughed, shaking his head. "She has some damn scary suspicions about us," he realised.

Horrified, Penny clapped her hands over her mouth. "Daddy! You said a bad word!"

"Do not worry, Penny I will make sure he is punished for it," Ziva assured her.

Still grinning to himself, Tony looked down at his breakfast. "Perhaps I should say even more bad words…"

Ziva smacked the back of his head. "Tony!"

"Inappropriate?" he winced.

"In front of your daughter, yes!" she hissed.

"And not in front of my daughter?" he tested.

"It will not be your head which experiences pain," she threatened.

Tony raised his eyebrows, looking at Penny. "No more bad words for me."

\--

Because Abby was coming over for her ever-so-urgent Girl Talk, both Tony and Penny decided it would be best for all of them if they stayed well out of the way in the kitchen. In fact, the minute the doorbell sounded, the father and daughter pelted from the kitchen and down the hall to the bedroom in search of more 'painting friendly clothes'. The pyjamas Penny was wearing, along with the NCIS t-shirt that Tony wore, were both completely ruined with brightly coloured paints - and Ziva was more than amused to know that the extended protection detail would mean she'd get to watch him fret over the washer and dryer settings for removing said paint. As they disappeared, it left Ziva to answer the door to Abby who looked rather….well…

"Hello, Abby…oh…my goodness…"

"I know," Abby groaned. "It's huge. I look like a whale."

"This is…natural, yes?" Ziva asked warily.

Abby nodded. "McGee got all paranoid and thought that the baby had grown three extra heads or something, so he spent an hour on the phone to the doctor who said it was nothing to worry about and that I'd just popped."

"Popped?" Surely that wasn't natural?

"Basically, I went to bed looking kind of pregnant and when I woke up this morning I looked really pregnant."

Seeing the definite change in the size of Abby's stomach since the previous day, Ziva could only nod. "Yes, that seems to be a more accurate description," she agreed.

"'Penguin' would be better," Abby continued to grumble as the moved herself into the apartment.

"A penguin?"

"I feel like a penguin," she explained. "I have to waddle everywhere now. So not only do I look like a whale, I move like one too. And it's uncomfortable. It hurts my feet."

"Perhaps it is time to stop wearing the high plat formed shoes, Abby," Ziva reasoned.

"Never!" she protested, as soon as the suggestion had left her lips. Sitting down on the couch, she patted the seat next to her. "Now, tell me all about the whole sleeping-in-Tony's bed thing," she said, as sweetly as she could so as to get all the details possible.

Now it was Ziva's turn to groan. "Abby, do we have to spend another day going through this?"

"If that's what it takes to make you accept the truth, then yes, we do," she nodded.

"It is getting ridiculous now," she said, taking the seat beside her friend. "I believe that people are actually planning a wedding." Abby's eyes flew to the ceiling to avoid looking at her. "Oh Abby, please, tell me you are not…" Abby was silent. "Should you not be considering a wedding of your own first?"

"McGee hasn't asked me yet," she pointed out. "He wants to wait until the right moment."

"He has told you this?"

"Not exactly," she said innocently. "He told his mother on the phone. I just…conveniently overheard."

"Yes, how incredibly convenient for you," she smiled sarcastically, seeing straight through the Goth's intended innocence.

Abby sat facing Ziva as best she could, considering her large baby bump. "Ziva, don't you want all this?" she asked, really trying to stress her point

"People listening in on my phone calls?"

"No, the settling down thing," Abby said, pointing down at her stomach as if it needed introduction.

"Abby-"

"No, don't start saying the whole 'Mossad doesn't suit it' crap you usually do," she cut her off quickly. "The truth. Tell me honestly."

She opened her mouth to answer, but found herself actually considering the answer for a moment. Did she want it? Did she want marriage and children? It was something she'd never allowed herself to consider before, because she'd always assumed that with a career in Mossad she'd never have the opportunity to entertain the thought of being a mother. Her father had never asked about grandchildren or a son-in-law. He could barely keep track of his one remaining daughter, let alone extending his family any more. Checking over her shoulder, assuring herself that Tony and Penny's music, which was blaring Disney songs from the kitchen, prevented them from eavesdropping. When she was sure it was safe, she turned back to Abby, dropping her voice. "I would not know how to, Abby," she admitted.

"Sure you would," she half-laughed.

"I do not believe so," she shook her head before resting it on her arm on the back of the couch. She couldn't believe that she was actually going to reveal something about her family, about her upbringing that she'd been so determined to keep locked away, and to somebody who wasn't Tony. So far, only he and Gibbs were ones who knew anything personal about her. Abby was a close friend, of course, and a part of her family here in Washington, but they had never had any conversations which revealed anything about their family lives. It had always been about the here and now rather than the past. "My mother died when I was very young, I barely remember her. I was raised by my father, who raised me more as an apprentice than a daughter. Many of my family members were killed by Hamas and other enemies to our choice of career. I would not know how to settle into the suburban stereotype that you find in America."

"Then don't fit into it," Abby justified simply. "Ziva, when the time's right you'll know exactly what you need to do. I mean, I wasn't planning on having a baby and when this massive bump came along I still didn't know what to do. You just have to give yourself time to adjust and it comes naturally."

But she wasn't convinced. "Maybe it would be best if I did not attempt settling down," she suggested to herself.

Abby hit her in the arm, rather much harder than she intended to. "Ziva! Don't say that! You just need to find the right man and you'll be all set to go."

"Hmm," she said simply, not really agreeing with her, considering her previous relationship history, one which was full of war zones, both metaphorically and literally.

"Then again," Abby said casually, twirling one pigtail around her fingers innocently. "Maybe you might have found that guy already."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confusion on her face.

Abby just nodded over Ziva's shoulder in the direction of the clearing. From this angle, she could see the back of the two people inside, the two of them laughing quietly as they argued over the pot of blue paint; Penny needed it to colour in her sky, and Tony needed it to colour in his car.

"Tony?" she asked incredulously.

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked brightly.

She laughed. "Apparently not."

"Ziva, he's totally in love with you!" Abby whispered loudly.

Laughing louder, Ziva tucked her legs up onto the couch beneath her. "Abby, Tony is not in love with me," she dismissed.

In the kitchen, Tony whipped his head around. "Did I just hear my name?" he called loudly.

"No," both women answered back simultaneously.

"Okay," he called again, going back to his painting.

"He so is," Abby hissed as soon as Tony was safely occupied with the green paint

"He is not."

"Is too."

"He is not."

"Is to."

"Abby, I have had more complex disagreements with Penny," Ziva said, before this became too much like a child's argument.

"Well, I'm still right," she insisted proudly.

The humour of the situation faded, however, when Ziva leaned back against the couch again. She listened to the sound of Tony laughing contently along with his daughter as she seemed to curl tighter into a ball on the couch. "It would not be fair for either of us to have these feelings, Abby," she said quietly, a sadness suddenly entering her tone.

"Why not?" she asked unfairly.

"For many reasons," she said vaguely, not choosing to elaborate on any of them.

"But-"

"I am not in love with him, Abby," she said simply, attempting to end the conversation where it was.

"Sure," Abby nodded, clearly not believing her.

"I am not," Ziva repeated.

"Okay," Abby smiled. "Whatever you say."

\--

Later that evening, once Penny was in bed, Ziva was left ready to suffer her second night under protection detail. Gibbs still hadn't called, much to her disappointment. She probably would have spent the majority of the evening her anyway, but knowing that this particular evening, just like the night before, would have Tony casting worried glances at her back while she wasn't looking made her irritable. She didn't like being protected. He knew that. Sometimes he knew that too well, like when she had turned up on his doorstep after finding out that Adam was cheating on her. He knew that she neither wanted nor needed protecting, but he was "under orders", as he'd insisted three times already that hour. He was under orders to protect her, and nothing was going to happen to her while under his protection.

But there was one condition of this detail that she simply refused to suffer.

"No."

"Come on, it's not that bad."

"Yes, it is," she insisted.

"It's a classic!"

"It is terrible, Tony."

"Come on…"

"I would not sit through that movie again if it were the only one left to watch in the world," she said, flat out.

"You're stubborn," he grumbled, replacing it on the shelf.

"You have questionable taste," she countered.

"I have great taste!"

"Then why do you even own this movie?" she challenged him.

He looked at her for a moment, staring her down even though he knew he couldn't win. He managed to last a record thirteen seconds before caving and stepping back from the shelf. "Fine, you pick."

Once Ziva had picked a more acceptable movie, in her eyes mainly, they settled down on the couch. The remains of their Chinese takeaway was sprawled over the coffee table, a bottle of half-finished wine already gone and a glass full each in their hands. It was the layout of a typical night for the two of them once Penny had gone to sleep now. Movie. Chinese takeout. Wine. There was a time when it would have progressed into beer and shots, but there was a little girl sleeping in the next room and Tony was still paranoid that the moment he got too drunk to function she'd wake up feeling ill or wanting a drink.

"Abby showed you her latest scan picture?" he asked her, as they both leaned back into their usual positions; Tony with one arm along the back of the couch, leaning in slightly but facing the television and Ziva faced with her body towards him with her legs curled beneath her. It would have been a rather intimate position had they not been so focused on the movie instead of each other.

She nodded. "Only a thousand times."

"Well, at least we know now that it won't look like a peanut when it comes out," he pointed out. "I guess the only thing left to know is whether it's a baby Abby or a baby Probie," he said.

"Hmm," she murmured distractedly

He turned to her. "You know."

"Know what?" she asked, looking at the movie still.

"Don't play innocently with me," he told her, nudging her. "I know you know."

"I do not know what you are talking about, Tony," she told him.

"You know the sex of the baby," he revealed. "You know whether they're having a boy or a girl."

"Oh, that," she laughed.

"Yes, that," he nodded.

She looked at him for a moment, just long enough to taunt him with the knowledge that she had and he didn't. "Yes, I know," she told him, before turning away from him again.

"I knew it!" he cried.

She just nodded. "Apparently, you did."

"So?" he asked, now watching her intently for any sign of leaked Intel on the baby, the movie well and truly ignored.

"So, what?" she asked, still not looking at him.

"What is it? Boy or girl?"

She laughed at the absurdity of his question. "I cannot possibly tell you that," she said.

"What? Why?"

"Because of the simple fact that you have placed a rather large amount of money on the betting pool, and I will not be responsible for everyone's actions when they discover you had changed your bet and won by foul play."

He narrowed his eyes sceptically. "So you're saying my bet's wrong?"

"I am saying that you should wait until this child is born like everybody else," she said simply.

"But that's not fair!" he protested, throwing his head back for a moment.

"Tony, are you pathologically opposed to being patient?" she asked him with a humoured sigh.

"Yes!" he groaned.

"I am still not telling you," she said, sipping her wine.

"Yeah well…the next time someone around here has a kid I'm going to find out first and not tell you," he threatened.

She laughed. "You could not do that."

"I could," he boasted. "Easily."

"It is not possible, Tony. Women's Code of Honour."

He snorted. "That doesn't really exist," he brushed off.

"If it did not exist, why has Abby not told you herself?" she challenged.

"…stupid Code of Honour crap."


	31. Why Is She Sleeping With Her Eyes Open?

Christmas faded even further into a shimmering background as they not only had the unsolved case of the murdered girl, but also had another dead woman on their hands, the same MO as the first, but seemingly unrelated. After days of nothing, no leads, no evidence, nothing at all, one of Tony's old Baltimore colleagues called with a lead concerning an dealer in imported explosives. Gibbs spared no time getting Tony and Ziva down to the store he was covering from. However, when they arrived, he wasn't expecting who he saw. If anything, he almost laughed when he saw who it was standing behind the counter.

"Well, I certainly didn't think I'd be seeing you again," he remarked as the bell signalled the door closing behind them.

"DiNozzo…" the man grumbled behind the counter.

"You know one another?" Ziva asked him.

"Danny McNeil," Tony confirmed. "Known to his friends as 'The Bomb'. Three guesses why."

"Imported explosives," Ziva assumed.

"Look, I don't deal with that stuff anymore," McNeil insisted quickly.

"Then you will not mind if we take a look around," Ziva told him.They expected the property but found nothing. After, when they were preparing to leave, Tony got right into his face. "Why don't you show us your imported boom-boom now?"

"I told you, man, I got out of that business a long time ago," he insisted.

"Oh, I really hate it when you lie to me," Tony groaned, as he reached to put a hand on his weapon.

"Whoa! Stop, okay? It's in the back."

\--

McNeil sat in one of the interrogation rooms, looking as stroppy and disgruntled as a teenager. From observation, Tony and McGee watched. Tony couldn't take his eyes off of the guy.

"Do you think it's him?" McGee asked him.

"He had six million dollars worth of imported C4, Probie. I think he had something to do with something."

"No, do you think it was him that took the shot at Ziva?" he asked.

Tony fell silent, looking at McNeil. "No."

"No?"

"If it was him, I'd have killed him by now," he said, his voice low.

He turned and left, almost walking right into Gibbs.

"You interrogated this guy before?" Gibbs asked.

"Three times," Tony nodded.

"He's all yours. Get my answers."

Tony went into interrogation, sitting down on the other side of the table. He put the file down, and pulled out a photograph, examining it for a moment. "Interesting…" he mused aloud.

McNeil rolled his eyes. "You already know I was holding C4. You want to prove it with your pretty pictures as well?"

"Oh, I'm not looking at the C4 or the amount of shit you're in right now," Tony told him brightly, taking one particular picture out of the folder and showing it to him. "Pretty girl you've got. Your daughter, right?"

McNeil visibly stiffened. "Leave her out of this."

"Sarah, right?"

"Shauna," he corrected.

"Right, Shauna," he mused. "How old is she now? Seven, eight?"

"Nine," he corrected again, bitterly.

"She came to your trial, didn't she?" Tony remembered. "Watched you get put away. Visited her Dad once a week in prison until her Mom stopped letting her go."

"You ain't got no right-"

"You know, I knew a woman once," Tony cut him off. "Her father was an arms dealer."

"Good for you."

"She was a lot like Shauna," Tony told him. "Never knew what it was her father was up to. Never suspected a thing until everything blew up in her face. In your case, literally." McNeil glared at him. "The woman I knew had her entire life ruined because of her father doing what you. She was targeted by her father's enemies."

This seemed to strike a nerve. "Dead?"

"Worse," he shook his head. "She survived an attempt on her life, two actually, only to realise what her father really was."

"This where you tell me I'm scum?"

"No, this is where I tell you how much danger you're putting your daughter in," Tony said, tapping the picture of the smiling girl and trying not to bring up memories of Jeanne that hurt too much to consider. "All I had to do was make one phone call to bring up this picture. Took me three minutes, including the time it took to print it. Imagine what one of your employers could do in three minutes. They won't target you, they'll target Shauna. Your daughter. Your little girl. They'll find her no matter how much you try to protect her. They'll kill her just to watch you suffer-"

"Shut up!" McNeil suddenly roared.

"Tell me who sold you the C4!" Tony yelled back.

\--

Gibbs stepped into the elevator to go down to Abby, only to find that he wasn't alone. Standing beside him, all on her own, was Penny.

"Are you supposed to be in here on your own?" he asked her.

"Yeah," she chirped brightly.

"Where are you going?"

"Auntie Abby's," she told him. "Auntie Jenny told me that if Auntie Abby waits for me at the very bottom then I can come down all by myself."

"Wow, that's very grown up," he told her.

"Where are you going?" she asked him.

"I'm going to see Abby, too."

When the elevator doors opened, Abby was stood there grinning. She held out her hand for Penny, who took it with a matching grin, and a suspiciously matching pair of pigtails that hadn't been there an hour ago. "Hi, Auntie Abby!"

"Hey, Penny. Ready for some fun?"

"Yeah!"

Gibbs stood, watching them. "Don't I get a 'hello'?"

"Gibbs, I saw you this morning," Abby told him. "I haven't seen Penny in forever."

"You saw her Monday."

"And today is Tuesday," she justified.

When they entered the lab, McGee was seen sitting at the computer desk, watching AFIS results run through rather sheepishly. "In trouble, McGee?" Gibbs asked.

"Hormone alert," he mumbled in warning.

Gibbs looked at Abby. "Seems happy."

"Not with me."

"What did you do?"

"Got her pregnant."

Abby smirked snidely at him. "You did the crime, now do the time," she told him.

Tony walked into the lab. Penny spotted him first and ran over, hugging his knees. This used to send him almost topping over, but he didn't even break balance as she hit him full force, and he placed a hand on her head whilst talking to Gibbs. "Got a name?" Gibbs asked him.

"Anonymous bidder. Disposable cell phone. The whole works."

"I want a name, DiNozzo, today."

"On it, boss."

He was almost to the door when Abby called out, pointing at him. "Tony, stop right there!"

He turned on the spot. "What?"

"Where is it?"

He looked confused. "Where is what?"

"You know what," she growled, advancing on him.

"I do?"

"Yes!" he looked more confused. "The sandwich, Tony!"

"Oh…the…the uh…the sandwich," he said awkwardly.

"You told me you going to get one three hours ago!" she told him.

"Well, I've been kinda busy in interrogation, Abs…"

"The human body can't function without food, Tony! Food keeps us alive! I want to be alive! My baby wants food! Baby is hungry, Tony! We want food!"

Tony grinned uncomfortably. "Don't you think you're being a bit melodramatic there?"

"Am I?" she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Am I, really?"

Seeing the anger in her eyes, he decided to quit while he was behind. "No. No, you're not. And I'll make sure McGee gets your sandwich for you."

"Good!"

"But, I'm in the middle of--"

"Would you knock it off, McGee?" she snapped.

"What am I doing?" he asked.

"Being you," she said simply.

"What's wrong with that?"

Tony laughed. "Oh, so many answers, so little time.."

"No time at all," Gibbs interrupted him. "Name. Now."

"Name. Now. Going."

"Gone." Gibbs said.

Tony left, leaving just McGee the only one under Gibbs' glare. The younger agent sat awkwardly for a moment, and then got up from his chair. "…following."

As he left, he muttered the word 'hormones' under his breath. Unfortunately it wasn't too quiet for Abby to hear, and she stared at his retreating back in disbelief and anger. "Did he just call me hormonal? Because if he did I'll tear his head off and throw it from the roof into the windscreen of his precious car."

Changing the subject completely, Gibbs turned to Penny. "Penny, your Dad told me you've been taking swimming lessons from the lifeguard at the pool," he said.

"Yeah, it's really fun!" she grinned.

"What have you learned so far?"

"That he's single and got a good job." Abby laughed at this. "Daddy said that I can't marry someone unless he's single first and he's got a good job. Ziva said that if he doesn't wear a shiny ring then he's single and she said that learning me how to swim is a good job."

"Does Daddy know you're marrying you're lifeguard?" Abby asked.

"No, because he's got to pay for it," Penny told them. "And I don't think he's gonna like that because he said his credit card can't take any more Penny shopping."

\--

Up in the squad room, Tony, Ziva and McGee were talking about Abby in between being on hold with various departments of other agencies. "It is perfectly normal, McGee," Ziva told him.

"There's nothing normal or reasonable about it," McGee insisted.

"You're the one who got her pregnant, Probie. You've gotta put up with the hormones," Tony said, inwardly laughing at him.

"It says in the books to be supportive, not sacrifice myself like a lamb to the slaughter," McGee groaned.

Golden opportunity…he just couldn't resist…"You read the books?"

Ziva looked at Tony, confused. "What is wrong with reading pregnancy books?"

"He's not pregnant, for starters," he pointed out.

"Actually, Tony, there are lots of books aimed at expecting fathers," McGee informed him.

Tony laughed. "I can sum up the whole book in one rule."

He shook his head. "I'm sure you can."

"If you have a daughter, don't tell her about the magic of credit cards."

"And if I have a son?" McGee asked.

He laughed dramatically, throwing his head back. "I'm afraid that requires a testosterone level I'm not sure you have, Probilicious, but if you do, don't tell him about the magic of using credit cards to win over girls."

Gibbs walked in, clutching his trademark coffee. "You got a name yet, DiNozzo?"

"No, boss."

"Then what do we have?"

"CCTV footage of Danny McNeil leaving Paprio's Pizza with Petty Officer Hannah Coleson," he said.

"Our dead girl."

"Anyone in the restaurant ID him?" Gibbs asked.

"Paid cash, did not mention his name," Ziva said. "Not a regular diner."

"Sounds like a cover up," Tony admitted.

"Affair?" McGee suggested.

"Her husband did say they were having marital problems," Tony remembered.

"Her having an affair is a pretty big marital problem."

"Not necessarily," Ziva jumped in. "Just because McNeil took Coleson out for pizza does not mean his is delivering the sausage, yes?"

Tony looked at her in amazement. "I never…ever, want to forget that you said that."

McGee, on the other hand, wasn't as impressed. "If he wasn't having an affair with her, then what were they meeting about in the restuarant?" he pointed out bringing up the image of Coleson's body up onto the plasma.

Unfortunately, Penny had taken this opportunity to skip into the bullpen. None of them noticed, but she stood behind them to see what they were looking at and then gasped. "Daddy!"

At this one word outburst, everyone scrambled. McGee lunged for the remote to change the image whilst Ziva turned the plasma off on the main power button, more than likely breaking it in the process. Tony turned, lifting Penny into his arms and covering her eyes. "Jesus Christ…" he exhaled when all the panic had settled.

"Is the lady on the telly dead like the bad guys in James Bond?" she asked him worriedly, still hiding behind his hand.

"No, honey, she's just…sleeping…"

"Why is she sleeping with her eyes open?" Penny challenged.

"The picture was taken before she went to sleep," he said, thinking on his feet.

"Why is her hair all red?"

"She got paint in it."

"Why did she start painting if she was tired?"

"She didn't know she was tired so start with."

"Didn't nobody put her in her bed?" Penny asked.

"Nobody was home with her," Tony said.

"Nobody was home with her," Gibbs repeated.

They turned to look at him. "Boss?"

"Nobody was home with her," he said again. "Neighbours said they'd heard a male voice before the scream."

"And she was supposedly alone," Tony commented from the original statement.

"No family in the DC area," Ziva confirmed. "Her husband was away for the morning. Alibi checked out. There was nobody with her."

"No signs of forced entry."

"She let her murderer in willingly."

"Which means it was somebody she knew. Someone she trusted." Gibbs stood up, crossing the squad room to where Tony and Penny were. He kissed Penny on the cheek much like he did with Abby. "Penny, you teach your Dad to ask the right questions like you do."


	32. N-O Spells No

The gang were all in the bullpen, waiting for Gibbs to come out of the Director's office. At the moment, Fornell was briefing them on further complications on the case that had kick-started the New Year. Forensic evidence surrounding the murder case of Tina Walker, the Rear Admiral's daughter, had lead them nowhere. Whoever had killed her had left behind no trace of evidence, not even from the attempted shooting of Ziva - if they were even the same person. Tony had been reassured when their shooter had taken the less-stalkerish route and decided not to come after Ziva again, but she had still started spending a lot more time at his apartment than she usually did. On the nights that she stayed over, she didn't always sleep on the couch. Some nights the two of them both slept on the couch in front of a movie, awakened by aches and pains when Penny woke them for breakfast or when one of their cell-phones rang. Other nights, they sat in his bed, neither really curled up and ready for sleep, but both falling asleep anyway.

However, this was not the reason that the FBI were currently invading their offices for.

Two weeks after Tina Walker's body had been discovered, another body had been dumped in the same location, in much the same manner. The body belonged to Rebecca Harris, a divorcee of a Navy Colonel who lived in Georgetown with their two children. It had appeared in the park clearing only days after forensics teams had evacuated the site. NCIS had investigated initially, but slight discrepancies in the victim's death had lead them to believe it was a copycat killer; the positioning of the body was off, whereas Tina Walker's body seemed to be delicately positioned and Rebecca Harris' had been carelessly left. The MO was the same, a single slice to the throat that had proved fatal, but after days of hard work NCIS had been forced to hand the case over to the FBI.

However, this meant that the FBI negelected to tell them about the third victim. This time, the discrepencies were too large for them to consider the possibility of it being the same killer; the victim was a man, Petty Officer Martin Jessop. He'd been engaged to his long-time girlfriend, Leanne Holloway, and they had a four year old daughter together. One single, one engaged, one divorced. One early twenties, one early thirties, one late fourties. One girl, one woman, one man. All different ages, shapes and sizes, but same cause of death, and as they had discovered with the third body, all killed by the same Navy-issued knife. Now, they were one step closer to finding their killer, however.

When Petty Officer Jessop had been killed, his fiance and daughter had gone missing. Naturally, this had lead the FBI to suspect there was something sinister going on, and that it had ended with Leanne Holloway killing her fiance and then running away with their daughter to avoid conviction. Only, that had been before their daughter, Meagan, had been found wandering alone in the same park a week later; discovered by a pair of early morning joggers who had raised the alarm, and then Metro PD had made the identification and called the FBI. They'd been hoping that Meagan could shed some light about where she had been the past week, but she'd fallen completely silent.

"I don't understand," McGee said, frowning. "How do kids just stop speaking?"

"They do it all the time, Probie, it's called being stubborn," Tony told him tiredly, from where he was playing a game on his cell phone.

"It is Penny's most favoured method of payback," Ziva smirked.

"Does it work?" McGee asked.

She nodded. "If it does not, she will go on to more extreme methods of persuasion."

Tony looked up from his game, exasperated. "I think holding her breath and letting her face turn purple is a bit more than extreme," he reasoned.

She gave him a pointed look. "You were the one who told her she could not do it forever," she reminded him. "You simply challenged her."

"She was making a scene!"

"You were not helping the situation by arguing back with her!"

"We were in the middle of the store, Ziva!"

"Which is why you should not have encouraged her behaviour!"

Abby had come into the bullpen at this point, and was now standing by McGee's desk, the two of them watching their argument with a mixture of helplessness and amusement. She nudged his shoulder. "Cheer up, Timmy, we have all this to look forward to."

"That's what I'm afraid of," he groaned.

"Come on, store tantrums are fun!" she tried to convince him. "Especially in the freezer section."

He turned away from Tony and Ziva to look at her suspiciously. "Do I want to know the ending to this story?" he asked her.

She simply grinned. "My little brother was having the mother of all store tantrumes, so my dad picked him up and put him in one of the open top freezers, and I told him that he had to stay there in the store forever and become a pizza."

"Abby, I am not putting our child in a freezer," he told her, before she could get any ideas.

Her mood flipped instantly, thanks to the wonderful addition of hormones. "I'll add that to the list of things that are inappropriate, shall I?" she asked irately.

He leaned forward on his desk, rubbing his eyes against the argument they'd been having the entire night before. "You can't let the baby sleep in a coffin, Abby."

"It'll look great-"

"I don't care how it looks," he told her. "You can give them whatever bed you want. One that looks like a racing car, or a princess castle....but we are not having a coffin."

She pouted. "You suck the fun out of absolutely everything," she complained.

"I'm all for fun, Abby. I just don't want to be putting my baby into a coffin every night. Ignoring the fact that our baby will grow up emotionally scarred, it'll traumatize me as well!"

On the other side of the squad room, Tony and Ziva had stopped bickering like a married couple and were now watching the other domestic with keep interest. They'd already come out from behind their desks to argue with each other, and Tony now leaned in slightly to Ziva, keeping his voice low so as not to incur the wrath of the hormones in his own direction. "Seeing them do this every single day makes me kinda glad I missed this part of the kid stuff," he told her.

She nudged him in response and they shared a smile, but they were all interrupted from their conversations when the sound of footsteps on the stairs attracted their attention. Gibbs, Jenny, Fornell and Sacks all came to stand in the centre of the bullpen. "Gather round, kids, we're gonna have a little chat," Fornell told them arrogantly.

Fornell brought up a picture of a little girl on the plasma screen, and Gibbs pointed at it. "This is Meagan Jessop. She's four years old and recently went missing for six days along with her mother, Leanne Holloway. Her father, Petty Officer Martin Jessop, was found dead in the same park Meagan was discovered in; killed with the same Navy issued knife that killed Tina Walker and Rebecca Harris."

"We were hoping she'd be able to tell us something about where she was kept or who was keeping her, but she's unable to tell us anything. She just stopped talking," Fornell explained.

"Stubbornness?" Tony asked.

"Or fear," Ziva suggested.

"I don't care why it's keeping her quiet, I want to know what it is that's keeping her quiet," Gibbs told them. "Just because she's unharmed doesn't mean that her mother isn't."

"If she was found in the park where her father was murdered, it's possible that she could have run out of fear, especially considering the circumstances," Sacks suggested.

"Yeah," Tony replied sarcastically, before snapping back at Sacks. "A kid can't survive in park on their own for six days, Slacks."

"Sacks," he corrected.

"Enough!" Gibbs barked. "We have a missing woman, who we can only assume is with a serial killer. We're going in."

"Stake out?" Tony asked, brightening up. "I love stakeouts."

Ziva looked at him strangely. "Are you going to sit in a car in the middle of the park, Tony?" she asked him.

Realising how stupid and obvious this was, he surrendered. "Okay, you have a point there.

At that moment, Penny came running up to them, brandishing a wet peice of paper. "Daddy, daddy, look!"

Sacks and Fornell looked at each other. "Daddy?"

Tony bent down to her level. "Penny, what are you doing down here?" he asked her quietly.

"I ran away from Cynthia so I could show you my drawing," she told him proudly.

He sighed. "Penny, you've gotta stop running away from her-"

"But I wanted to show you my drawing," she protested, holding out the paper for him. "It's a puppy, see! It was 'sposed to be a white puppy like Mr. Neighbour upstairs, but I spilled coffee on it so now it's a brown puppy like Mrs. Neighbour upstairs."

He smiled, taking the soggy paper from her by holding the one unmarred corner. "It's great, Penny, I'll put it up by my desk," he told her, turning around and pinning it up against the side of the filing cabinet where it wouldn't drip on anything essential. When he turned again, he noticed everyone staring at him. "What?"

"You have a daughter?" Fornell asked.

"Yeah, you didn't know?" Tony replied casually.

Sacks grinned. "Now, there's a plate full of karma."

Tony glared at him, especially when he noticed that the sickening upper handed grin was directed at his daughter. Penny, in return, titled her head to look at Sacks with a scrutinising gaze. "You don't got no hair on your head," she commented.

Sacks looked at Tony. "Cute, DiNozzo, real cute."

"I like to think so," he said with pride.

"Are you a woman?" Penny asked Sacks. "'Cause you got the pretty long eye-thingies like Ziva," she told him, fluttering her fingers over her face to make them look like eyelashes.

At this point, everyone was trying not to laugh. Abby and McGee had turned away from the situation entirely. Gibbs started drinking determinedly from his coffee. Jenny simply smiled, and Ziva placed a hand over her mouth slightly to hide the beginnings of a laugh. Tony beckoned Penny over to sit on his chair, and she did so, watching obediently as to what was happening aorund her. Fornell looked tiredly. "You done now?" he asked.

"So, I have a daughter to take care of as well. Sue me," Tony said defensively, leaning back so that he was now sitting on the front of his desk.

"Come to think of it," Fornell started, "She might be able to serve some use to this investigation."

Frowning, Tony looked suspicious. "Excuse me?"

"I think we've got a way in for an undercover surveillance op," Fornell told Gibbs.

Before Tony could reach across and batter him for even suggesting the idea, Gibbs stepped up. "What, exactly, are you suggesting?"

"Kids relate to other kids. Families relate to other families. They share things about their children; habits, likes, dislikes...you know the drill."

Gibbs scowled dangerously. "One of Meagan Jessop's parents is dead and the other is missing."

"Meagan's been placed in temporary custody of her aunt. Her aunt's going to return Meagan to her regular day care facility at the beginning of next week to keep her in her routine, hoping it'll help her return to normal. It leads us back to the original idea for an undercover op, only this time there's not a flaw," Fornell explained.

"What was the original plan?" Ziva asked.

"Until yesterday morning, we had nothing linking Tina Walker, Rebecca Harris and Leanne Holloway," Sacks said. "Now we know that all three were seen visiting the same house at some point over the past few months. The house is in the same neighbourhood as Meagan Jessop's aunt, and where she'll be staying for the foreseeable future."

"Is that safe?" Tony asked. "Putting her that close to a suspicious house?"

"It is once we have two agents in the house across the street from it," Jenny told them. "The house across the street has been put up for sale for the past four months. The idea was to put two agents in the house for surveillance purposes."

"But in a neighbourhood as tight-knit as this one, they'd soon spot out the rat," Fornell said. "Which is where your daughter comes in," he said to Tony.

Tony glared. "She better not come anywhere to this," he said, trying to keep calm.

"If the two agents were to have a child with them, attending the same pre-school as Meagan Jessop, then it would be easier for them to blend in with the neighbourhood," Fornell plotted. "Having the child in the pre-school keeps us close to Meagan, in case the killer decides to come back for her, and we could have our agents keep a tighter surveillance of the suspect house as well as the people who live there if we can pass it off as walking a kid to kindergarten every day."

Tony gaped. "Hold on, shouldn't I be the one deciding where she goes to pre-school? You know, being her father and all?"

"Parents tell each other things," Gibbs repeated, not completely agreeing, but still not throwing the idea out.

"Boss-"

"Two agents, posing as a family," Fornell continued. "Their kid in the same daycare as Meagan Jessop. A day care well known for hosting social events and fundraisers. There are all kind of potentials...mother's groups, birthday parties..."

"You can't be serious!" Tony cried.

Gibbs shared a look at him, before he turned back to the FBI agent. "Conference room," he scowled, as he and Fornell turned and headed for the elevator. He looked back halfway over, indicating for Jenny, who was shocked, as always, to see him so easily undermine her, to follow them, and the three of them stood in the elevator. Once they were gone, all of the other slumped at their desks, Abby perched awkwardly on the edge of McGee's and Tony visibly sulking; moving Penny off the chair momentarily so that he could sit down, and then replacing her on his knee. She resumed her doodling on his notepad without batting an eyelid.

When the three returned a short while later, they all looked up expectantly. Jenny looked between her agents. "DiNozzo. David." They stood up instantly, Tony resuming Penny in her original position on the chair. "As of Saturday morning, you two will be moving into that neighbourhood. You will be posing as a married couple. Penny will be enrolled in the pre-school centre, to start on Monday--"

"No," Tony interrupted.

"Agent DiNozzo, do not-"

"No, Director," he said simply.

"N-O spells 'no'" Penny piped up proudly.

"Not this plan," Tony shook his head. "Not my daughter."

"Penny will be in no physical danger at any time," Jenny assured him.

"I don't care," he replied. "I don't want her involved in this."

"Agent DiNozzo, unless you can give me a valid reason why you are not able to be a part of this investigation-"

"I can give you several," he said confidently. "Penny will make friends at this pre-school, and when all this is over I'll have to be the bad guy who takes her away from them. And she's already attached enough to Ziva as it is, so it'll be hard having to move back into our old apartments after this is over. Not to mention the fact that she'll happily tell someone that her father is Tony DiNozzo who works for NCIS."

"Which is why you and Ziva will be keeping your first names, only both taking your surname," Gibbs informed him.

"On the subject of names, I have another reason," Tony said, looking down at Penny to check that she wasn't listening before he continued. "When someone asks her about her mother, she tells them that her mom's in heaven. I won't force her to lie and pretend that Ziva's her mother. It'll confuse her. Ziva's Ziva. Not mommy. We can't tell her that she's got to call another woman her mother, no matter how close that woman is to her."

Ziva nodded, stepping in to stand beside Tony. "I agree with Tony on this matter."

"Officer David-" Jenny began, but Ziva cut her off.

"Surely you would not ask us to confuse a child in this manner, Director?" she asked.

All were silent, none more so than Gibbs, who felt the parent inside of him that he had buried long ago coming back to haunt him. This could turn out terribly for Penny, and at the same time the mission could turn out terribly because of her. It was wrong to rest such a burden on her shoulders; terribly wrong. It wasn't fair to her. She wasn't old enough. She wasn't an employee of NCIS. She wasn't a federal agent. She didn't have any training other than potty training. Nothing that could help her. She was a little girl; a little girl who didn't know how to lie.

Penny slipped down from Tony's chair, going over to Ziva. She reached up and tugged on Ziva's pant leg, holding her hair scrunchie up for her. "Ziva, it came out again," she complained. "Can you put it back in my hair for me?"

Ziva raised an eyebrow at her. "If you will say the magic word your father has been teaching you," she told her.

"Please?" Penny asked, throwing in her father's convincing smile for extra measure.

Ziva smiled back down. "Good girl, of course, I will."

Penny moved and stood before her, as Ziva crouched down. She combed through Penny's hair with her fingers, gently removing all the knots from Penny trying to put her hair back into place herself, and then she gathered it all at the top of her head before tying it down in the usual braid she requested. All the while, Tony watched the pair, a thoughtful expression on his face as he noticed, not for the first time, how patient and caring Ziva was with Penny, and the affection Penny returned to her. When Ziva stood and Penny scurried back to her drawing, Tony shared a gaze with his partner. Ziva frowned slightly, trying to work out what was going on inside his head, but she didn't need to ask when Tony turned away from her and looked at Gibbs and Jenny.

"We'll do it," he said quietly.

Ziva shook her head, knowing what this would mean. "Tony-"

"If our story is changed," Tony continued.

"I take it you have your own suggestions?" Fornell said.

"I do," McGee said, stepping beside Ziva. Tony was almost thankful for McGee's input; he was a writer, after all, he'd come up with something believable that they could do. He was good at basing ideas on them anyway. "An engaged couple, not married yet. Buying their first house together. That way, Penny doesn't ruin anything by saying that they usually live in different places and there's no forcing her to call Ziva her mother."

Tony looked at Ziva, waiting for her answer. She eyed him for a moment before dropping her hand down to her side. "If this is okay with Tony, then I have no argument with it," she confirmed.

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"Penny loves Ziva," he said simply. "If there were anyone she'd accept this with..." he trailed off, looking down at his daughter, who was still drawing without a care in the world. "Yes, boss, I'm okay with it."

\-------

Later that evening, when all his paperwork was done, Tony gathered things up to leave. Throwing his cell phone into his bag, he got up from his chair, shutting down the computer in the process. "Ready, Penny?" he called out.

Penny looked up from the floor, where she had been lying on her front with the new colouring book that Gibbs had presented her with after lunch. She frowned at him. "Daddy, I've been ready for aaaaaages," she told him.

Tony sighed. It was much later than usual. Penny had been down in the bullpen for a while now. Abby had been working hard on their new identities and helping to prepare their undercover and surveillance essentials, so they'd had to wait for those to be complete. However, it was late now, and Gibbs had let them all go home before Penny fell asleep on her place in the centre of the bullpen. "Come on then, say goodbye," he told her.

Of course, there was only Ziva to say goodbye to. Gibbs had returned back downstairs with Abby, and McGee had been down there in the first place. Rather than getting up, Penny just closed her colouring book and looked at Ziva's desk in confusion. "Ziva's not coming?" she asked.

Tony looked over at Ziva, who was still typing something up on her computer. "It's late, babe, I'm sure Ziva wants to go home to her own bed tonight."

"What's wrong with your bed?" Penny asked him.

"It's got me in it," he told her lightly. "Come on, say goodnight."

"Okay," Penny grumbled, forcing herself to her feet and going over to Ziva's desk. "Nu-night, Ziva," she yawned.

Ziva snapped back into reality, spinning her chair so that she was facing Penny. "Are you going home?" she asked.

"Yeah, Daddy says it's late," she grumbled.

"It certainly is, are you not tired?" Ziva asked her. Penny shook her head, something that usually meant she'd be asleep in the car on the way home. "Well, your father is very tired, so I hope you will be a grown up girl and make sure that he goes straight to bed when you get him home," she said.

Penny giggled. "Okay."

Smiling, Ziva kissed her forehead. "Layla tov, Penny."

"Layla tov, Ziva," Penny recited back.

Tony stepped in. "Alright, enough girl talk," he interrupted, lifting a giggling Penny over his shoulder in a fireman's carry before looking down to Ziva. "You going home soon?" he asked her.

"As soon as I have finished," she assured him.

"Finish soon," he encouraged her. "We've got a briefing tomorrow morning and something tells me it's going to be exhausting."

She smirked. "Is there any other kind with the FBI involved?" she reminded him.

"Good point," he grinned. "Goodnight, darling."

Her eyes narrowed. He'd been calling her 'darling' ever since he'd started to warm up to the idea of having his two favourite girls under the same roof. Ziva, on the other hand, had spent the entire time telling him to stop calling her 'darling', which she hated. "Tony," she said calmly.

"Yes, darling?"

"Need I remind you that you will no longer have the equipment to produce children if you continue to call me by that endearment?" she threatened him lightly.

"Of course not, darling. I think I got it the first time." She glared again. "Goodnight, darling."

"Goodnight, darling," Penny repeated to her.

The two of them disappeared towards the elevators, laughing, while Ziva was left muttering Hebrew profanities under her breath. This was going to be a long mission.


	33. I Do Like Special Things

The following morning dawned much earlier than it usually did; well, for Penny at least. She was used to sleeping through her father's morning ritual of showering and getting dressed. It was only once her cereal was on the table in her favourite lilac bowl (she liked it especially because it didn't match any of the other colours of the bowls in the kitchen) that her father came into her room and shook her gently to wake her up. Even then, he'd let her complain about being tired still, curl up with the much loved Bertha, and sleep for another ten minutes before he came in, opened the curtains wide and allowed the sunlight to wake her up properly. But this morning, it was different. He'd come into her room much earlier, sitting her in front of the television for a while so that she'd be fully woken up by the time he was out of the shower. Of course, she wasn't pleased with that because none of her favourite programmes were on that early. She had to watch the boring man talking about the boring things that she didn't know or care about. Then it had been dressed and breakfast, quick as possible, and off to NCIS.

They now sat up in Jenny's office, at the conference table. Okay, so they hadn't been specifically told that they could use Jenny's office for their own purposes, but it wasn't been used and if they got comfortable at their own desks it would only be a matter of time before they were supposed to be up in their briefing. Ziva had arrived at the same time as them, and Penny had been happier to curl up in Ziva's lap because it hadn't been Ziva who had woken her up that early. So, she sat in Ziva's lap, letting Ziva braid her hair, and letting Ziva get the little amount of good mood she could manage that early in the morning. Not for Daddy, though. No, Daddy was in the bad books. Daddy had made her get out of bed early. Daddy had nearly left Bertha in the car. Daddy had almost left Bertha in the car altogether until Penny had stamped her feet in the parking lot. Daddy had forgotten to brush her hair before they left. Daddy had used the wrong bowl at breakfast. Daddy had just given her a very bad piece of news that she certainly wasn't happy about.

"So," he said brightly, his voice full of over dramatic hope. "What do you think, babe?"

She stared back at her father grumpily, pouting her bottom lip. "Don't wanna go pre-school."

"I know, but it'll be fun," he said, still using the same ridiculous voice to try and convince her even though it clearly wasn't working.

"Fun here," she argued back.

"You'll make lots of new friends," he said.

"Got friends here," she pointed out.

"Lots of friends who are the same age as you," he stressed, and Penny was stumped at that one. "Wouldn't you like more friends, Penny?"

She didn't answer his question. Instead, she frowned more. "Why do I gotta go?" she whined.

"Because it's going to be a very big grown up thing and you're going to love it," he told her.

"Why do I really gotta go?" she asked.

Ziva smirked above her head. "She is smart," she mumbled to Tony.

Tony sighed. "Because it's going to help Daddy and Ziva find somebody," he told her.

Penny tilted her head to one side, but Ziva quickly straightened it again before she could complain about wonky braids. "Are they hiding?" she asked.

"Somebody's hiding them from us," he told her.

"Why can't you just go find them?" she asked him.

He looked at her awkwardly, wishing that he could explain the concept of warrants to his daughter, but considering he barely understood the legal jargon himself, he could scarcely dumb it down enough for her ears. "It's not as easy as that," he settled.

"But I think you can do anything," she said.

He smiled despite himself, something that didn't escape Ziva's notice, but he then shook his head. "I wish that were true, Penny," he said quietly.

"I think it's true," she told him.

He smiled at her again, the moment broken when the door opened and Fornell, Jenny and Gibbs entered the room. Jenny was stunned to see them sitting there, and after staring for a moment, she closed the door after them. "And to think," she mused. "I only left my office unattended for ten minutes."

"Sorry, Director," Tony said. "Seeing as we were here early and needed to be here anyhow, Cynthia let us in. Especially since we had to talk to Penny about pre-school."

Ignoring the overly casual use of the word 'we', the others all took a seat at the table. "I'm sure she's very excited about it, aren't you, Penny?" Jenny said enthusiastically.

"No," Penny deadpanned.

"Why not? Pre-school is fun."

"Don't want new friends," she complained.

"We'll all still be your friends, Penny," Gibbs told her.

"But I won't get to see you all of the time on all of the days," she said.

"No, but that means when you do see us, it will be much more special."

She considered this point for a moment. "I do like special things..."

"We know you do," Tony said with a brainwave. "That's why you're going to a special preschool for princesses."

She lightened up considerably at this. "Real princesses?"

"Maybe. I guess you'll have to find out," he tempted her. "So what do you think? Shall we give it a try?" She shook her head from side to side, but then nodded instead. "That's my girl."

Fornell leaned forward from where he sat opposite Ziva and Penny. "Hello, Penny. I'm Tobias. We met yesterday, do you remember?" he asked her.

Penny watched him carefully, her eyes dramatically narrowed, almost as if she were trying to copy the threatening look that Ziva often gave Tony. "I'm only little, so don't be mean to me," she told him slowly.

He was thrown at that, and Jenny cleared her throat. "If we could begin," she started, handed out a file so that both Tony and Ziva could look at it. "The house you'll be staying in has been secured, ready for you to move into this Saturday. Gibbs will be there with McGee and Agent Sacks to assist with the moving process so that we can set up various spots of surveillance that will feed directly back into MTAC. Once inside the house-"

"Is it a big house?"

"Penny," Tony hissed. "Don't interrupt, it's rude."

Penny went back to her early morning pouting, but Fornell took a soft side. "Yes, it is a big house," he told her.

"Can I see it?" she asked.

"Sure." He moved the file across to her, showing them the photographs of the house they'd be staying at.

Tony noticed the description underneath the photographs, and read it aloud. "Detached house. Five bedrooms, one en suite. Two bathrooms. Fully enclosed back yard. Garage space for two cars. Separate dining room... for about the same price as the new Aston Martin," he read incredulously. He recovered from the shock of the price, and turned to Penny in a sweet voice. "Penny, would you rather have the big house or a shiny Aston Martin?" he asked.

"The car," she said obediently.

"Good girl."

"Unfortunately, DiNozzo, the house is your only choice," Fornell said. "Not even the CIA would endorse you one of those."

"Yes, unfortunately," he repeated begrudgingly.

"As we were saying," Jenny said, with all turning their attention back to her. "Penny's place in the preschool has been secured, and she's due to start on Monday morning. You have been invited along this afternoon to look around the facility and settle her in ready for her first day."

"What about our covers?" Ziva asked.

"As we discussed yesterday, you'll be assuming your real names," Jenny told them. "Penny knows you too well and is too young to call you anything different, so to avoid being compromised that is the best option. Now, as there are only three of you in such a large house, you'll be using the story that you have been seeing each other for two years, this is your first home together and you're planning to marry in the fall and expand your family."

"Followed by the white picket fence, the dog and the minivan," Tony mumbled.

"Are we getting a puppy?" Penny asked."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs grumbled.

"Yes, boss?"

"Shut up."

"Shutting up, boss."

"Tony, you will be reporting for duty as usual at NCIS," Jenny told him.

"Just Tony?" Ziva asked.

No one wanted to be the one to tell her, so they all looked at each other to see who would do it. A glare from Gibbs nominated Fornell for the job.

"Officer David, you'll be taking a more active role in the surveillance side of the mission," Fornell explained gently.

"Meaning that I will not be reporting to NCIS at all," she assumed.

"Yes, that would be correct."

"What is it that I am to be doing, other than watching the suspect house?" she asked.

"Professional homemaker," Jenny told her.

There was a silence, and then Ziva choked out; "A housewife?"

Tony laughed. "Ziva? A housewife? You're kidding, right?"

"No," Gibbs said bluntly.

Tony's laugh stopped. Ziva looked on in dismay.

"Ziva will remain at home so that she can take Penny to preschool in the morning and collect her in the afternoon. During the day she will then be available to attend the functions and parent groups along with the mothers of children in the preschool," Jenny continued.

"And in between those?" Ziva asked.

"You will be observing the house across the street, going along to a mother's group which meets every Thursday. Leanne Holloway was a member, so you may be able to find out something beneficial."

Ziva was just stunned.

\---------

Later that afternoon, as instructed, Tony and Ziva took Penny along to the preschool for a look around and to get acquainted with the staff. They were taken through the paperwork, thankfully with no one questioning that there were two separate surnames on the emergency contacts under parents and guardians (David and DiNozzo) and another different surname under child's name (Ryan). When filling in the paperwork and having to write it down and seeing the father and daughter's names printed beside each other, he remembered watching Alicia's DVD and how she had wanted him to change Penny's name to his. At that, he was tempted to cross out Ryan and write DiNozzo, but that would confuse Penny at this point. He made a mental note to look into it once this mission was over.

After filling in all the paperwork, they were shown the different rooms in the preschool, finally arriving in the one for Penny's age group. The lead carer, Michelle, who would be Penny's primary carer, seemed much too happy for Ziva's liking. Her plastered smile and bright blonde hair made her look too much like a Barbie doll and her attitude was too enthusiastic to be true. However, Ziva smiled, and answered the questions, while Tony just shrugged along beside her, clearly disliking everything about the preschool.

"What is the matter with you?" she whispered, as Michelle turned to speak with another worker for a moment.

"This place is ridiculous," he grumbled, but unlike Ziva, he didn't drop his voice.

"Tony, she will hear you-"

"I swear, if I wouldn't get fired for turning this mission down…"

"But you would," she reminded him. "So if I were you, I would stop making it difficult for yourself."

He looked at her incredulously, and then gestured to the brightly coloured walls, covered in posters of children playing together. "If you were me, you'd have had us march out of here the second we got here," he pointed out.

"Yes, but right now I am not myself," she reminded.

"No," he said, his smile coming back to him for a moment. "You're my darling fiancée."

"Who has just been informed that she will be indisposed for the foreseeable future, so now would not be a wise time to be calling her 'darling'," she snapped, making sure that she maintained the false smile on her face. Tony grumbled incoherently beside her, but she just nudged him with her elbow. "It will be fine, Tony."

"Stop saying it'll be fine," he mumbled.

"It will be."

Michelle turned her attention back to them, and smiled over at another part of the room. While they had been filling in paperwork and been given a grand tour of the preschool, they had given Penny the chance to sit and play with the other children. At the moment, she was playing with the water toys with a few other children. "So, I see Penelope has already started making friends," she admired.

"It's Penny," Tony corrected quickly, looking irritated despite his smile. "She doesn't really like Penelope."

Covering up for Tony's over protectiveness, Ziva shook her head. "She is a sociable child," she offered.

"I'm sure she'll fit in right away," Michelle said, glancing over at the children and giving Ziva an opportunity to glare at Tony again. "All of the children are friends, very welcoming to new starters. Is this her first preschool experience?"

"Yes," Tony answered, being polite under his 'fiancée's warning gaze.

"She's bound to be anxious to start with," Michelle explained. "First days can be scary for children, but at the end of the first day she'll be a different child altogether."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Tony mumbled.

Unfortunately, Michelle heard him somewhat. "I'm sorry, did you-?"

"I said that's what I'm hoping for," he covered with a grin.

"Right, well," Michelle continued. "All of the paperwork is in order. Unless you'd like to stay a while longer to settle Penny in, we'll be ready for her to come along on Monday."

"We've got to go," Tony said.

"Thank you for the offer, though," Ziva jumped in quickly. "We are moving into our new home this weekend, so we have many arrangements that still need to be made."

"Oh, of course!" Michelle said, still horrifically bubbly. "This is a very close neighbourhood, so if you find yourself in need of any help, don't hesitate to ask around. There are always helping hands at the ready!"

"Thank you," Ziva smiled, before turning to Tony. "Would you like to get Penny while I fetch her jacket?" she asked him, not disguising the fact that she spoke through clenched teeth.

Tony just narrowed his eyes in response. "Yes, dear," he mumbled. He wandered over to where Penny was pouring water from one container into the other, a look of extreme concentration on her face as she took care not to spill any. "Ready to go home, princess?"

Instead of answering, she grinned and looked at the boy beside her. "Daddy, this is Peter," she told him. "His daddy's a doctor. He plays inside people's brains."

He looked a little grossed out at that, wondering what other 'nice' things this boy had told his daughter about. "That's very nice, honey, but we have to go and get us some dinner. You can come back and play here with Peter on Monday, though," he told her.

"Okay," she said brightly, and looked at the boy again. "Bye, Peter!"

"Bye," the boy said in response, not even looking up from a similar water play.

\--------

The next twenty four hours passed quickly, most of which was spent moving furniture into the new house. Surveillance had been set up outside the house, looking into the house across the street which Tony and Ziva would be able to watch directly as well as it streaming live into MTAC. Their own viewing station had been set up in the study of their house, so that they would have a communication point that wouldn't be seen by any visitors to the house. There were also cameras inside the house in the halls and around the house, so that in the case of any intrusions it would be spotted instantly. Once everything was unpacked, Tony and Ziva collapsed onto the couch in their new living room. Penny was upstairs exploring her new bedroom and playing with her toys, and all of the agents setting up their surveillance feeds had left already, so it was now just the two of them in their new home.

"Well," Tony sighed. "That was…"

"Exhausting," Ziva finished for him.

"I am never moving again," Tony complained. It was easy enough when it was just his things, but when he had Penny's things as well, none of which she was willing to leave at the old apartment for when they went back, things became ten times harder.

"It will not be long before we are moving it all back again," she reminded him.

He leaned his head back against the couch cushions, groaning loudly. "Ugh, don't remind me. I don't think my back will recover for at least a month."

Ziva smirked at him. "You offered to do the heavy lifting," she pointed out.

"We're new to this neighbourhood, sweet cheeks," he reminded. "I can't be seen by the neighbours letting my fiancée drag a couch into the house on her own, can I?"

"It would have gotten the job done faster," she shrugged.

"True," he agreed, "but we've got an image to protect here."

They fell into a silence, both considering their new home. They'd taken time to look around the bedrooms, automatically claiming their shared room as the one with the en suite bathroom. Penny had originally wanted the bedroom down the hall that looked into the back garden, but Tony was insisting that she was in the bedroom across the hall from them. Then there was the garden, that had given them a surprise, and a very pleasant one in Tony's opinion…

"You know, the hot tub on the back deck…" he began.

"No," she cut him off instantly.

"But-"

"No," she repeated.

He huffed, tossing his head back again. "You cut a hard bargain, dear."

She patted his leg sympathetically. "There is no bargaining involved, my little hairy butt. It is a simple 'no'."

Despite their bickering, she leaned against him. Again, it went quiet for a while, and he soon looked down at her suspiciously. "You still awake?" he asked her.

"Yes," she told him.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "You're making a habit of falling asleep in my arms recently."

"There are times when your shoulder is simply the most comfortable part of a room," she justified.

At this, he smirked. "Like, when you're nice and cosy in my bed?" he teased her.

She smacked him lightly on the chest. "Are you complaining about that matter?"

"Oh, definitely not," he said quickly.

"Good," she said, moving against him to get more comfortable. "Then I will stay here for a while."

They remained for a few minutes, and after realising that in this way, the new living room actually wasn't so bad, Tony leaned his head on top of hers and got himself comfortable. Without realising it, their eyes were just closing when a call from upstairs distracted them.

"Daddy! Look what I found!"

"Uh oh," Tony grumbled, as they both rose from the couch and headed towards the stairs.

"That sounds like trouble," Ziva noted.

"Same day, different house."


	34. Just A Feeling

Monday morning came around too quickly for Penny's liking, and Sunday night had been long struggle to get her to go to bed, because she knew that the following morning involved preschool. Most of the weekend she had been dropping hints that she didn't want to go, and they had been throwing them back at her reminding them that she had enjoyed playing there on Friday afternoon. She still didn't want to go, though, and that had intensified when she learned that Ziva would be staying at home all day and she didn't get to stay home with her. So, when Monday morning rolled around, both Tony and Ziva stood outside the young girls bedroom, wondering how badly this was going to go. The two were already fully dressed, Ziva in a simple jeans and white blouse, while Tony was suited up for work.

"Okay, this isn't going to go well," Tony realised, peeking through the small gap in the open door to see that Penny was still sleeping.

"You have woken her up many times before," Ziva reminded him.

"This is different," he stressed. "This is…this is first day of school."

"Preschool," Ziva corrected.

"Whatever," he brushed off. "It's still a milestone."

Thinking back over the antics of the weekend, Ziva laughed lightly. "Penny does not see it that way."

"She'll love it," he said. "She'll have a great time and make tons of friends…"

"You sound like you are convincing yourself," she told him.

He pouted grumpily. "No, I'm not."

Shaking her head, she took a peek into the bedroom with her own eyes. "Somehow, I do not believe you."

"I just don't think this plan is a good idea," he complained, as though he hadn't already had this conversation with her fifty times over the weekend.

"Tony, we have been through this countless times," she told him clearly. "This plan will work."

"Yeah, it'll work for Gibbs and the FBI."

"Penny will be perfectly safe at the preschool," she assured him.

"I know," he sighed.

"We would not have gone through with this if her wellbeing was the slightest bit compromised."

"I know," he repeated.

"She is a sociable child and she will have no trouble making friends."

This time, Tony frowned, turning to her. "Now you sound like you're convincing yourself."

At his snapping, she looked at him in frustration. "What is the matter with you this morning, Tony?"

"I've gotta leave her all day, isn't that enough to be pissed off about?" he justified.

"So, you are upset?" she questioned.

"No, that wasn't what I said," he shook his head.

"But it was what you meant," she realised. At this, Tony looked away, looking into the bedroom at his sleeping daughter who, at the moment, had spread every limb in a different direction across the bed. "Change is not always a bad thing, Tony, she is simply growing up."

"I don't want her to grow up," he said unfairly. "I want her to stay exactly how she is."

"We must all grow up at some point in our lives," she said.

"But does it really have to be now?" he asked. She was silent, giving him the moment and eventually it dawned on him how much he was fighting this. He sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "I'm being immature about this, aren't I?"

"No, you are being a father," she said softly, putting a hand on his arm.

"Guess no one looks forward to this day," he remarked.

"She will be fine, Tony," she continued, stepping behind him and leaning against his back. He tried to focus on looking at Penny rather than the feel of Ziva against his body. "You know this. If you forget that for a moment, look forward to seeing how happy is when she runs to meet you at the door, excited to tell you about her new friends and how much she enjoyed herself."

He could picture the look on her face, the bright eyed expression that she always got when she'd discovered something new and magical, and he smiled lightly. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am," she said simply, giving him a gentle push towards the bed. "No, go in and wake her or she shall be late for her first day."

"Okay," he said, not moving as Ziva moved down the hall.

When she reached the stairs she looked back, seeing how he was still standing in the doorway. "Tony!" she warned.

"I'm going," he said, jumping quickly into the bedroom.

He looked around the bedroom, remembering how on Saturday she had complained that the walls were pink instead of purple, and how he had promise to paint the room lilac just like her bedroom at home. Then he leant over her, noticing that she was deep in sleep. A simple shake for breakfast wasn't going to tempt her, so he went over to the window, pulling back the thick curtains. As sunlight scattered into the room, he burst into a bubbly routine. "Wake up!" he said brightly.

Shocked at the mixture of talking and sunlight, Penny snapped up from the pillow, looking around her in confusion. "…huh?"

Tony went over to the bed, pulling down the bedclothes and standing her up on the mattress. "Come on, princess, up we get."

She leaned forward, putting her arms around him for a cuddle. "Tired," she complained sleepily.

"I know, but you'll be nice and awake once we get some breakfast," he assured her, releasing her to go over to the closet. When he returned with an outfit for her, she was rubbing at her eyes.

"Hungry," she mumbled.

"I thought so," he told her. "Ziva's making you a nice breakfast. A special breakfast for big girls," he tempted.

"'kay," Penny mumbled, allowing Tony to dress her.

After dressing her and brushing her hair (making no attempt to put it up in any way) they headed down into the kitchen. Ziva was making pancakes, the special breakfast that had been promised to her, and after some building up from Tony and Ziva she was actually starting to warm up to the idea, and began looking forward to heading off to preschool. While Penny was eating, Ziva took charge of her hair, pulling it back into a neat braid. As she did this, she noticed Tony's eyes suddenly whip up to the clock.

"Is something wrong?" she asked him.

"I've got to be at work in twenty minutes," he realised.

She shrugged. "That is plenty of time," she assured him.

"It's a thirty minute drive from here," he pointed out.

"Maybe if you are driving."

He groaned. "Gibbs is gonna kill me." At that moment, his cell phone rang, showing up the familiar name on the call I.D. Tony looked at it, wide eyed. "Oh no. That's him. He knows in advance that I'm going to be late."

"Just answer the phone, Tony," Ziva told him tiredly.

He flipped open the phone, raising it to his ear. "DiNozzo….yes, boss…no, boss…but-…okay…yes, boss." He hung up, grinning stupidly and kicking off his shoes with such force that they ended up flying across the kitchen and hitting the opposite wall.

Ziva looked at him, her face covered in exasperation. "Was that really necessary, Tony?" she asked him.

"Yes," he grinned.

She glowered at him. "Had you no best be leaving for work?" she asked calmly.

"No," he continued to grin. "Gibbs' instructions are to stay home for a few days and make sure all the surveillance is working properly."

"I could do that myself," she told him.

"Maybe, but you won't be a lonely housewife for a few days," he reasoned.

She was inwardly seething at the word 'housewife', but refused to show him the satisfaction. "And you will be able to go with me to take Penny to preschool," she shot back at him.

At this, Penny grinned. "Daddy's coming too?"

"Yes, he is," Ziva answered for him, turning her voice into a sweet tone. "And we are leaving soon so he had best fetch his shoes from where he threw them and put them back on."

\--------

The enthusiasm that Penny had when they left the house had disappeared by the time they got to the preschool. Several of the younger children were crying when their mother's left them there, and seeing this had only made Penny worse. Ziva was especially glad now that Tony had also been with them, although, if he hadn't been, she might not have been trying to pry Penny away from where she had wound herself around her father's leg.

"Penny, come on, princess…" Tony tried to convince her, unable to bend down to her level like Ziva had done because of the tight grip she had around his knee.

"No!" she insisted, her eyes tightly shut.

"You will have fun…" Ziva told her.

"No!"

"You'll make new friends…" Tony tried.

"No!"

Tony and Ziva sighed, looking up at each other helplessly. "I told you this was a bad idea," he mumbled to her.

Ziva was saved from answering when Michelle, Penny's primary carer at the preschool, came over to them, seemingly not noticing the problem they were having. "Good morning, Penny!" she announced brightly. "Are you looking forward to your first day?"

"No!"

Tony looked at her awkwardly. "She's uh…"

"It's okay," Michelle smiled. "Not a lot of children want to be separated from their parents, especially on their first day."

"This happens a lot?" Tony asked.

She nodded. "On every first day we have." She bent down to Penny's level, as Ziva had tone. "Would you like to come and play a game, Penny?"

"No."

"How about ready a story?"

"No."

"Lisa was going to sing some songs, would you like to join in?"

"No."

"We could get the princess castle out and play with the costumes?"

At this, Penny opened one eye, observing Michelle warily. "Princess castle?"

"Yeah, we love our princess castle," Michelle told her brightly. "We can dress up in the costumes and pretend to be real princesses."

"Princess dresses?" she asked, opening the other eye as well.

"Lots of princess dresses," she assured her, looking at what Penny was wearing. "You look like you like purple. We have a really pretty purple dress."

"Really?" she asked, turning her head to face Michelle.

"Really," she grinned back. "Would you like to try it on?"

Penny was quiet, turning her head to face Ziva, who was on her other side. "They have princess dresses," she told her, as if she had not been listening to the conversation.

"They do," Ziva confirmed with a smile. "You can dress up and pretend you are a real princess in the castle, that sounds fun."

Penny looked up at Tony. "Daddy, can I go wear the dress?" she asked him quietly.

"Of course you can, honey. In fact," he said, bending down to her level when she let go of his leg. "How about you stay here and play dress up with Michelle while me and Ziva do our work, and we come by and pick you up this afternoon?" he suggested.

At this, Penny hesitated. "That's a long time away."

"I have an idea," Ziva said. "You can stay and play until lunchtime, and if after lunch you wish to come home, we can have Michelle call us and we will come and collect you. How does that sound?"

Penny thought about this for a second, looking between the adults but then seeing the other girls playing with the dresses. "Okay. I stay."

\------

Tony and Ziva had soon been undercover for several days. Penny had never needed to come home after the lunchtime, and she had willingly returned the next day. Tony and Ziva soon started to experience cabin fever inside the house, however, despite how well they kept up their cover when in front of their neighbours. A few of the neighbours were presented on the camera to MTAC when Ziva invited them in for coffee when they had brought round welcoming gifts for them. Gibbs and Jenny were in MTAC during a quiet moment, observing the cameras. Tony was in the living room, watching a movie as always, and Ziva had just finished showing out two of the women from down the street.

"Is it worrying that their cover is so believable?" Jenny asked, as the door closed and they fell back into their usual behaviour on screen.

"They're good agents, Jen," Gibbs reasoned.

"I mean when no one is around," she added.

"Someone's always watching," he pointed out. "Even if it's just us."

On the screen, they watched on one camera as Ziva picked up a discarded sock in the hallway. She picked it up, looked at it, and then walked off screen. On another screen, they saw her enter the living room and stand between Tony and his movie. "How many times must I tell you not to leave your dirty laundry on the floor?" she complained. "We have a hamper, Tony!"

"Oh, go back to your baking," he dismissed, moving around her to try and see the television. He found himself with a sock covering his face and when he removed it, she was looking at him dangerously. Realising what he had just said to a trained assassin, he doubled back. "Uh…I mean….I'm sorry, I'll use the hamper?" he tested. She just glared at him and walked off.

Gibbs laughed at the exchange, but Jenny shook her head. "They bicker like a couple, they argue like a couple, they convincingly live together like a couple…"

"Am I going to like where this point is headed?" Gibbs asked her.

"Probably not, considering your firm stand on rule twelve," she realised.

"They're not together, Jen," he said firmly.

"It's only a matter of time, Jethro, and when they give in to the inevitable, it'll be us to blame."

He glanced sideways, taking in her expression and then looked back at the screen, watching as Tony walked over to the hamper and put the sock in it, as promised. "Not everything is inevitable," he said quietly, drinking some of his coffee.

"We've put them in a situation-"

"It's not a situation, it's an undercover surveillance mission," he corrected.

"They're living together," she reminded him. "They're going to bed beside each other every night. They're waking up beside each other every morning. They're basically raising Tony's daughter together. They've been forced into being a family and neither one of them seems to be complaining about it."

"You authorised this op, Director," he reminded her coldly.

"That doesn't make me blind to the consequences," she shot back.

"There are rules about relationships with co-workers," he pointed out.

"Rules that have been broken before." Their eyes, met, both knowing what she really meant by that remark, but she covered her tracks well enough as always. "After all, I seem to recall a pregnant forensic scientist that has something to do with one of your agents."

"Your point?" he grumbled.

"For someone who is so against relationships with co-workers, you're having trouble noticing that most of your team are having relationships with a co-worker," she said simply.

Gibbs was silent for a moment, watching the screens. The screen that showed the kitchen revealed that Ziva was fixing dinner, and just at the edge of the frame, they could see that Tony was standing there, watching her from behind. He then walked away, and after that, Ziva turned. She hadn't known he was standing there, but he was gone when she looked. "DiNozzo's learned his lesson about falling in love during a mission," he said. "Ziva, too."

"What if they were already in love a long time before the mission began?" she asked hypothetically.

"Then they picked the wrong time to do anything about it."

\-------

That night, the pair lay in bed. It felt strange that they had to share a bed, considering that this room wasn't under surveillance, but neither one of them had complained about it. Still, it didn't feel right to Tony that when they got into bed each night, Ziva made herself comfortable on the edge of the mattress. Tonight was no different, and she lay too far away from him, with her back facing him. In the centre of the bed, just off to his designated side, Tony lay facing her, propped up on one arm and waiting to see if she knew what he was doing. She remained silent, though, and eventually he spoke into the darkness.

"You asleep?"

"I am trying to be," she mumbled back, without turning.

"I can't sleep either," he complained.

"That is what is causing the insomnia," she moaned. If she couldn't feel his eyes burning into the back of her head, she would have been asleep an hour before now.

"I didn't know you got insomnia?" he said.

"I do not usually," she told him, "but I cannot sleep when I know I am being watched."

"Who says I'm watching you?" he said. She rolled over to face him, proving her own point. "Okay, you caught me," he surrendered.

"Tony, please go to sleep," she urged. "I am exhausted, and I cannot sleep with you floating."

"Hovering," he corrected.

"I do not care," she shook her head against the pillow. "I just wish to sleep. Being your pretend housewife is more exhausting that it should be."

He was quiet for a moment, noticing that she did look exhausted. He supposed that he hadn't exactly made things easy for her the past few days. "I'm sorry I'm such a terrible fake fiancé," he apologized, strangely finding that his words were sincere.

"You are not terrible," she assured him, shifting closer to the centre of the bed so that she was now placed in the middle of her pillow. "You are just a little hopeless."

"I go back to work tomorrow," he reminded her.

"Yes, you do."

"You gonna miss me?" he asked, attempting to flash her a grin, but in his current state of mind he found that his heart wasn't in it.

"I will not miss the extra laundry from you changing your shirt five times a day," she teased him back.

"Twice!" he corrected. "I changed my shirt twice!"

"But yes," she continued, as if he hadn't interrupted. "I suppose I will miss the company."

He looked at her, seeing how their hands were laid in the space between them on the mattress. It would be so easy to reach over and take her hand, like a real fiancé would, but he didn't. "It'll be weird with you not being there," he admitted.

"Be careful, Tony," she suddenly whispered.

He frowned at her. "I am careful," he defended.

"You know what I mean," she mumbled, not wanting to repeat it.

He looked at her strangely. "You always worry about me this much, or is it a special occasion?" he said, only half teasing her.

"I usually do not have to worry," she revealed. "Because I know that I have your back covered."

He found his gaze falling on their hands again, sighing. "It's not my back I'm worried about," he admitted.

She frowned a little. "Then who's?"

"I don't know, just a gut feeling."

She offered him a small smile through the darkness. "You are becoming Gibbs with all these gut feelings."

"Yeah, well, he's always right, you can't deny that," he realised sadly. "I just hope I'm not right."

"Bad feeling?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Real bad."

"This will be like any other mission, Tony," she tried to assure him. "We get in, we get out, and we do not leave one another behind."

"No, we won't." Of that he was sure.

"Now, sleep, or you will not be waking up with all your fingers in the morning," she threatened.

He had to smile at her sleepy threat, and he removed the hand propping him up so that he was laying down properly on the pillow. His smile only grew when she shuffled closer to him and lay her head on his shoulder. "Goodnight," he whispered.

"Layla tov, Tony."


	35. It Feels Nice

Work was definitely boring without Ziva. It didn't matter how many places he had to go, how many witnesses he interviewed, how many suspects he interrogated…it just wasn't the same without her. It wasn't the same without wondering when Penny would appear at his desk, either, announcing that she had once again successfully run away from Cynthia. He just kept expecting them to walk into the bullpen as if nothing had changed. At one point on his first morning back, he'd been tempted to ask what was taking Ziva so long with getting the coffee, before remembering that firstly, Friday was Ziva's day to get the coffee, because she usually treated them all to a pastry as well and at the time it was only Thursday , and secondly, she wasn't actually going to be there on Friday anyway.

Only, she was.

At ten thirty she had hurried into the bullpen, a tiny sense of urgency about her that worried him. She looked even less put off by the visitors badge that had been pinned to the front pocket of her jacket.

"Ziva?" he questioned, as she looked around the empty bullpen and saw that she was alone with Tony.

"Where is Gibbs?" she asked instantly.

"Nice to see you too, hon," he smiled sarcastically.

"Tony, this is important, where is Gibbs?" she repeated, resting her arms on his desk.

"Right behind you," Gibbs answered, seemingly appearing on the spot with his coffee in his hand.

Ziva straightened up from Tony's desk, following Gibbs over to his own. "Gibbs, something has happened."

Tony was instantly on his feet, following her over and standing beside her. "What? What's happened?"

She directed her answer to Gibbs, instead. "I have been a the preschool for the past hour-"

"Is Penny okay?" Tony asked.

She turned to him. "Tony, if Penny were not okay, do you not think I would have told you by now?" she stressed. She then relaxed, realising from the frown on his face that she had snapped at him. "She is fine," she assured him.

"Then what isn't fine?" Gibbs asked.

"This morning, on the way to preschool Penny pointed out the house across the street," she explained.

"The one we're monitoring?" Tony asked.

She nodded. "She called it the 'monster' house."

"Why would she call it that?" he asked.

"Because that is what Meagan Jessop called it."

The startling revelation that Meagan Jessop had started speaking again, to Penny no less, took both men aback, even though Tony showed it more than Gibbs. "Meagan's speaking?" he asked.

She nodded. "That is why I was at the preschool for so long this morning. I was speaking to Meagan's aunt about her. She insists that Meagan is still not speaking, yet moments after she left, Meagan was speaking with Penny again."

"Did she say anything else about the house?" Gibbs asked.

"Not this morning, but Penny did tell me what she had said previously," Ziva confirmed.

When Ziva didn't continue, Gibbs looked up at her. "Are you waiting for an announcement, Officer David?" he asked.

"She said that bad things had happened in that house," she said.

"All the women were seen entering at some point," Tony confirmed. "Our killer could have leased it."

"Check out all previous owners and tenants," Gibbs instructed.

"We've already done that, they all had alibis and…" he trailed off, noticing Gibbs' glare. "I'm gonna check again, just to be sure."

When Tony rushed off to his desk, Gibbs nodded to Ziva. "Good work, David."

\------

It had been busy after their revelation, but Tony managed to arrive home just when Ziva and Penny were deciding what to make for dinner that night. They hadn't heard him enter because of the radio playing in the background, so he simply stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching the two of them.

"We could make some spaghetti," Ziva suggested. "Your father likes spaghetti."

"I want chicken," Penny said.

"You had chicken last night, Penny," she reminded her. "You cannot eat it every night of the week, or you shall start growing feathers."

"I've got a better idea," Tony suggested from the doorway.

Penny turned, noticing Tony and running towards him. She threw herself at him, and he caught her, lifting her up onto his hip. "Daddy!"

"A better idea?" Ziva questioned.

"Uh huh," he nodded, coming into the kitchen to stand before her. "We are going out for dinner tonight," he told her.

She looked hesitant. "Tony…"

"Really?" Penny asked excitedly.

"Yeah, really," Tony told her. "I want you both to get all dressed up nice and we're going to go out and have some fun."

Penny giggled, dropping herself from Tony's arms and running upstairs to her bedroom. Tony turned to Ziva, who didn't look as thrilled at the idea as he'd hoped. "Tony, do you really think this is a good idea?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think it's a great idea," he grinned.

"What about the surveillance?"

"Abby's watching it, McGee's with her," he said. "They've got it covered until we get back."

"Gibbs is okay with this, yes?" she asked.

"What, I gotta clear it wit Gibbs to take my pretend fiancée out to dinner?" he half-laughed.

She nodded. "As we are undercover, yes, you do."

"Yes, Gibbs is okay with this," he confirmed. At this, Ziva looked outstanding. "They've all been watching the MTAC feeds and think I've been a lousy pretend fiancée and that I should stop trying to piss you off and it has been suggested that dinner is a good way to make up for that," he explained.

"It has been suggested by whom?" she asked.

"Mainly Abby," he said. "And not so much suggested as demanded."

She laughed. "Of course, that does not surprise me."

"No, me neither," he agreed. "What are you still standing here for? When I said both getting dressed up, I meant you as well," he told her.

Shaking her head, she walked out of the kitchen. "Okay, I am going."

Once she started up the stairs, he followed after her. "And do try to hurry, darling, we have reservations in an hour."

He wasn't surprised when a sock from the laundry hamper flew from the landing and hit him in the face.

\--------

A while later, Penny came downstairs with Ziva. Penny had chosen one of her dresses from her favourite Disney films - Cinderella, he thinks. Blue and sparkly - but Ziva had opted for a deeper shade of purple. It was simple, with no elaborate design, but it was still stunning. Both of them had their hair down and curly, something that was becoming a stronger trait in Penny's hair these days because it spent most of the day braided tightly, and when released it would bounce around in soft curls, much like Ziva's. As they came down the stairs, he found himself staring at the Israeli beauty.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Huh?" he asked, snapping out of a daze as she reached the bottom stair, where he was waiting.

"You are staring," she pointed out.

"Am I?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, you are," she nodded. "What is going through your mind right now?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," he mumbled, now trying to look everywhere else but the curves that the dress was accentuating.

"No, really, I am curious," she insisted.

A little ashamed, but mainly proud, he admitted it. "I just couldn't get over how beautiful you looked together up there."

She smiled softly at him, still with a hint of curiosity in her eyes, and Penny grinned up at them. "Daddy says we're his beautiful girls," she told Ziva.

"Does he now?" she asked.

"Yeah, he does," Tony answered, looking down at Penny. "But he didn't intend on one of his beautiful girls to tell the other one that."

"Was it a secret?" she asked.

"It was," he nodded.

"Why?"

"Just…because," he answered.

Penny tilted her head to one side. "If you think Ziva's pretty, you should tell her," she said.

"I do tell her," Tony said.

"All the time," Penny insisted. "You should tell her all the time."

"Maybe I will," he teased her back.

"Are we going to dinner?" Ziva asked. "Or should I get changed again?"

"No!" Tony answered quickly. "Uh…no, don't get changed. You look great."

"Pretty," Penny corrected him.

"Pretty," Tony repeated, causing Ziva to laugh at how well he took his orders from his daughter. "You look pretty."

\--------

Dinner was nice, something that had given them a break from the case and that was definitely welcome. They talked, for once, about normal things - Penny at preschool, what they should do at the weekend, and about the new neighbours and friends they had. It felt strange to talk about these things without adding in details from the case, but they seemed to be managing it easily. When they got home, Penny was so exhausted sitting in the back of the car that Tony had needed to carry her into the house. He had taken her into the bedroom to tuck her in while Ziva had gone to their bedroom to change into her nightclothes. After changing, she wandered down the hall to find them, only to discover Tony leaning in the doorway of Penny's bedroom. She went up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder before moving to stand on the other side of the doorway.

"Hey," he whispered.

"You look exhausted," she noted.

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of Penny. "I am exhausted."

"Then would sleeping not be a good idea?" she suggested.

Content where he was, he shook his head. "No, I'm good here."

She joined him in watching, turning her head into the bedroom. Penny was fast asleep, tucked in to her side around Bertha, who was caught in a death grip under one arm. "Nothing is going to happen if you go to sleep," she whispered.

"I know," he said lightly. "I just…she's growing up really fast now, what with preschool and everything. I just like taking a second to remember her how she is."

She smiled at this, a side of Tony that none of them could have imagined a year ago. "Mind if I join you?" she asked.

"Course not," he answered, "only to get the full effect of it, you have to watch her from this side of the doorframe."

She went to stand beside him, but he pulled her in front of him instead, wrapping one of his arms around her shoulders and causing her to lean back into him. The view of Penny was no different, but she supposed she was seeing her in the exact way that Tony did now, and she found her head falling back onto his shoulder comfortably. After a few moments standing there, he whispered, his voice close to her ear.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who's tired."

"Laundry and hovering is more exhausting than paperwork," she reasoned.

"Seriously?" he laughed.

"Yes," she confirmed. "Although, if you do not believe me, we could trade for a day…"

"No, I'm good," he shook his head.

"That is what I thought," she smirked, turning her attention back to Penny. "She must have been really tired."

She felt him nod. "She was trying to stay away for as long as possible in the car. I kept seeing her eyes drooping in the mirror, but she was determined to stay awake."

"Like Christmas," she mused.

He wrapped his other arm around her shoulders as well, and she brought up her hands to his wrist, holding them in place there. Like this, he could see the delicate bracelet that he had brought her for Christmas, presented to her in secret. She had been wearing it through the entirety of the mission so far. "Yeah," he agreed. "Like Christmas."

\-------

Abby and McGee, who were watching in the lab, were in two different minds. McGee was exhausted from hanging around longer to cover the security footage, and now that they were home he wanted to go home and to sleep. Abby, on the other hand, had seen the embrace in the hallway and wanted to record every moment for a virtual scrapbook.

"See, they're home, now we can home," McGee said thankfully, reaching for his jacket.

"What?" she asked incredulously. "We can't go home."

"Tony and Ziva are back," he pointed out. "We don't have to watch the feed anymore."

"Timmy, do you not see is what is happening right before us?" she said, gesturing to the screen.

He looked at it, listening for a moment. "They're talking about Penny."

"They're hugging, Timmy!" she stressed.

"Meaning?"

"You know what hugging leads to," she said, pointing to her growing stomach to remind him.

Knowing that unless he encouraged her, he was never going to get any sleep, he tugged on her arm gently, turning the computer monitor off. "Then maybe we should give them some privacy…" he suggested.

\------

Back at the house, Tony and Ziva stood together for a while longer. He had to admit that he was enjoying holding her like this, even though he shouldn't because they were in full view of the cameras an if Gibbs saw this footage he was likely to be screamed at and slapped until his head fell off, but for the moment, it was nice, and it was comforting, and if there was anyone, God forbid, looking up at the hall window from the street, they would see nothing more than a couple standing together watching a sleeping child.

"I like this," he whispered after a few minutes.

"The house?" she asked.

"No," he answered. "The three of us here, together."

Leaning back a little more into his arms, she nodded. "Yes, it is nice," she agreed.

"It feels…" he began, but he broke off suddenly.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"No, you were going to say something," she reasoned.

"Nothing important," he covered.

"Yes, it was," she confirmed. "You would not have that look in your eye if it were not important."

"You're not even facing me, how would you know if-"

She turned her head, looking over her shoulder so that she could see his face. "That look." Tony sighed, knowing she was right. "Tell me."

"I was just going to say that it feels like a family," he admitted. "And it feels nice, because I've never really had one of those. Not until Penny came along, at least."

"Yes, it does," she agreed after a short silence.

"Do you want a family?" he blurted out.

Stunned at this question, she frowned. "Tony?"

He continued to ramble. "I know that you said that one time that you couldn't but…don't you even think about it?" he asked her.

Looking at the sleeping child before her, she nodded sadly. "All the time," she admitted.

The change in her mood was recognisable instantly, as was the way her muscles stiffened when he held her. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Tony, I should explain to you what happened," she whispered to him.

"No, you don't have to," he allowed.

"Yes, I do," she nodded, but then she remembered that the hall was bugged with microphones. "But not here."

\------

Ten minutes later they were in their bedroom. She had been silent the whole time as she lead him to the bed, encouraged him to sit, and she had leant against the dressed to face him. She continued to be wordless, just as he continued to watch her. He didn't push her to speak, knowing that whatever it was, was clearly hard for her, so he just waited patiently. Luckily, their bedroom wasn't wired for sound, so when did she did speak, these words would be between the two of them only. When she raised her eyes, they were already brimming red.

"His name was Sa'id…"


	36. Don't Fight Me

"His name was Sa'id."

That was all she offered him to start with. He instantly wanted to know who this other guy was; a friend, a lover, more? But he refrained. This was her story, her past, and he needed to respect that, no matter how much time it took for her to tell him. He knew that it would be bad because he knew the ending - her thinking she couldn't have children and he had some idea that her being emotionally distant in relationships was something to do with this story as well. It was also strange to see her taking her time with something like this, usually if she cracked under his questions and revealed something about her past, it was always told in a straight shoot manner, direct to the point and never pandering on details. Now, she leaned against the dresser, hands braced either side of her, avoiding his eyes as she looked down at the plush carpeting. He followed her gaze at some point to see her burying her bare toes in the material. She'd painted her toenails. Why hadn't he noticed that before?

"He was an apprentice agent working under my father," she continued eventually. "He was strong, determined, fiercely loyal, all the hallmarks of a good officer. It was only natural that my father took such an interest in him. I was fourteen years old when we were first introduced." If she closed her eyes tightly enough, she could still picture that moment, walking into her father's office after finishing her studies one day and accidentally intruding on the conversation. She had thought first that she'd be punished for being rude, but instead her father had brought her into the room and introduced her to his most promising recruit. "He would come over to the house to brief my father on things that happened when he was away from the office. I would see him and catch his eye from across the room. My sister-"

"Tali?" he interrupted, without meaning to.

She nodded. "Yes. Tali. When she would see me watching Sa'id, and him watching me in the same manner, she would tease me for hours about it. I did not care for her words, however, because I was slowly becoming infatuated with Sa'id. It did not take long for our innocent meetings to become more meaningful visits. It was a strange connection that we had, one that I had not experienced before so I was eager. I would feel my heart racing when we would look up and meet one another's gaze at the same moment. If ever my father noticed this, he did not say, but when Sa'id and I decided to become involved romantically, it was clear that we could not risk letting my father catch us. So we hid our meetings. I would pretend that I was going to study with friends, or that I was partaking in a production with the school. It was easy to fabricate that lie, as I knew that my father would never come to watch me dance, no matter how many performances he was invited to."

She stopped for a moment, looking down at her toes as they moved through the carpet. He didn't have to guess the reason behind her sudden silence. He wasn't stranger to the resentment she showed towards her father for never coming to watch her dance. This time, he didn't interrupt. He just waited for her to continue speaking, trying to convince himself that now was not the time to be admiring the shape her nightclothes took around her body.

"When my father was away on missions, it was easier for us to find excuses to see one another," she recalled. "He would come over, pretending that he did not know my father was away, or that he had been instructed to leave various documents in his study. My mother had passed away years before this point, and I was left alone with only my siblings while my father was away. Tali was younger that me by three years, but she could see what was happening between me and Sa'id. I made her promise not to tell, so when she did see him arrive at the house, she would excuse herself and leave us be. Sa'id, himself, was older than me by two years, but he did not mind that our relationship did not move as fast as others might have. We took our time, always being cautious because we were always so close to being caught. We never did, though. If there was anything my father taught me, it was how to keep secrets."

Again, she fell silent. This time, Tony felt the need to say something. His head ducked a little, trying to look into her eyes as she made sure to keep them hidden from him. "Hey," he murmured. She raised her eyes to meet him, and combined with her leaning against the dressed, bowing her head and skimming her toes across the carpet, she looked like the younger version of herself she was telling him about. "You don't have to do this," he assured her.

She didn't acknowledge that offer, but she did smile sadly. "Sa'id would tell me that he loved me," she told him. "He would say these wonderful things to me that I wanted to hear when I was that young. When I was that age, all I wanted was to believe that there was a man in this world who would not treat me like my father did. I wanted to believe that I would marry a man who would be an attentive father to our children, who would not recruit them into Mossad from the moment they were born and then proceed to ignore any other activities, including their schoolwork. Sa'id made me believe that were true. He would often tell me of his plans of us getting married and having a life away from Mossad. We were happy, so I believed, and that was something I had not felt for a long time, so I continued the relationship with him. It was not until my sixteenth birthday that we slept together for the first time. It was not romantic, nor was it particularly pleasant, but it was away from my father's prying eyes, and I was ready. It was my first time, but it was not his, although a man of his stature, I did not believe it ever would be. But yes, I was ready for that night, but I was not ready for what came next."

"Did your father find out?" he asked.

She just shook her head, an action that made him realise what could have happened.

"You were pregnant," he realised.

She just nodded. "I tried to ignore it at first. I could see all the signs, and many girls my age were already married, but I tried to tell myself that I was too young and that my mind was working against me. But deep in my heart, I knew exactly what was happening. And that the time, it could not have been more inconvenient, as I am sure you could understand."

"You weren't married," he acknowledged.

She shook her head. "Which would have added to my father's fury, had he known the situation at the time. So I continued to deny it, telling myself that I would not have a child until I was married, and a part of me believed that if I ignored it long enough, then it would go away. I forced it to the back of my mind and carried on with my life, but it did not change what was happening."

Tony nodded, smiling sadly. "Life doesn't work that way," he said softly. Ignoring something didn't change it, that was something he could definitely understand.

"As you now know," she nodded.

"Yeah," he agreed. "What did you do?"

"I panicked," she told him. "Especially when I began to show. I was small, compared to other girls my age, so I showed quickly and it was becoming increasingly hard to hide it from my family, especially my father."

"What about your sister?" he asked. "Did she know?"

She shook her head. "I could trust Tali with my life, but she would have gone to my father with my best interests at heart."

"Did you tell Sa'id?"

"He was the first to notice," she recalled. "It did not surprise me, as we were still sleeping together, but it was a while before he began to notice the weight gain. I could not lie to him, so I told him my fears."

"How did he take it?" he asked, although he could tell from the look on her face already that he didn't take it entirely well.

"He just…he sat there, for ages," she remembered. "Silently. I remember sitting before him, being so worried about his reaction. I could not say anything to him, though, as I was so afraid. Then he just stood up and he left. I did not see him for days afterwards, because he was sent on a mission for my father. When he returned, he asked me to meet with him and I did. He told me that he was not ready to be a father, and that he did not want anybody to know what had happened between us in case the news reached my father." She scoffed to herself. "He did not want it to interfere with his career."

"Bastard," Tony mumbled, before he could stop himself.

"Yes, my thoughts exactly."

"What did you do?" he asked again. "I hope you gave him what was coming to him."

Instead, she shook her head. "I was sixteen years old, unmarried, pregnant with an illegitimate child, and alone. There was not much I could do. I hid my situation for as long as possibly, because I could not have told my father. He would not have understood and he would have forced me to marry Sa'id. So I left. I made a plan that I would have the child in secret and surrender it for adoption, where it could have a good life away from Mossad and Sa'id."

"Where did you go?" he asked, the darkening her eyes making it all the more tempting to go to her and hold her in his arms. He didn't know whether or not she'd appreciate the gesture at a time like this, however.

"I did not get far. My brother found me."

"Ari?" he questioned. She nodded. "Did he know about the baby?"

"He had guessed," she confirmed. "He promised me that he would not tell our father, under the condition that I saw a doctor to ensure that I was in good health and that the baby was growing well. I refused, but he also said that he would help me to find a family to take the child when it was born, and find somewhere safe where I could give birth. He promised that he would be with me, so I would not have to do it alone. I had not seen a doctor before then, so I agreed. They told me that I was twenty-eight weeks into the pregnancy. At that far along I had no choice but to have the baby. After seeing the image of my child on the ultrasound, I could not bare to send it to another family. It was my child, and I would make sure that the actions of the father would not be important in it's life, because it would have a mother that loved it, and would care for it. But I could not have done it alone, and to marry Sa'id knowing that he did not want the child…"

"It wouldn't have been fair," Tony finished for her. "For you or the baby."

"No," she said. "There was only thing left that I could do."

"Tell your father."

She nodded. "He was angry at first. He demanded to know who the father was, but I did not tell him. Once he realised that I would not tell him, he stopped asking. After that he saw me, perhaps for the first time, as a daughter who needed a father. He realised that telling him was my last hope, and that I was begging for help despite the fact that he had raised me to stand on my own two feet. He came around to the idea of being a grandfather."

"What happened to Sa'id?" Tony asked, having a sinking feeling that this man wasn't quite finished in the story.

"He continued to work under my father," she informed him. "Most of the time he was away on business, so I did not have any contact with him. I was glad, as it meant that I did not have to be ashamed or hide the way I was preparing for the baby's arrival. My father would return with furniture, or Tali would spend her small allowance on clothing from a market stall where her friend worked with her mother. Ari would follow me everywhere, under my father's orders and his own insistence, to make sure that I was safe. But it became too much for me."

"You ran again?"

Her eyes began to tear up at this point, which scared him. He hadn't seen Ziva this emotional and distraught since she had turned up on his doorstep after what had happened with Adam. "I just wanted an hour with no one watching me," she sighed. "Just one hour…"

"What happened?" he asked.

"Sa'id," she whispered, raising her eyes to his. "Sa'id happened."

Now that she had raised her head, he could see just how dangerously the tears were brimming in her eyes. Against his initial promise to sit and wait, he stood up, going over to the dresser to stand before her. Placing his hands on her arms, he once again told her what he was still willing to respect. "You don't have to tell me…"

"Please," she broke him off. "I have not spoken about this with anyone. I need someone to know," she told him.

At this, he was torn between having to make her relive whatever had happened with Sa'id that had lead to her not being able to have children and knowing that keeping a secret, especially one like this, to yourself and having no one to talk to about it must be heartbreaking. What was Gibbs' rule about secrets? Best option, tell no one. Second best, tell one other person. There is no third best. Something like that, right? In the end, the friend in him won out, and he nodded silently, indicating for her to continue, but he didn't step back and release her from his hold.

"Sa'id had wanted me to get rid of the child, but I could not bring myself to do it," she whispered, shaking her head. "He said that if I would not do it, then he would. He attacked me…"

"He what?!" Tony cried out, suddenly burning with a fury he'd never felt before, perhaps not since he saw those marks of abuse from Penny's grandparents.

"Tony, keep your voice down," she warned him quickly. "You will wake Penny…"

"He attacked you?" he repeated, his voice lower but still steaming with anger.

"He stabbed me," she told him, her voice strangely steady but still incredibly distant as she stared directly ahead of her, not really seeing his shoulder but more staring straight through it. "Three times. In the stomach. I do not remember what happened next, but I remember waking up in hospital with my father beside me. I knew that something bad had happened because he was there. He was not there when I had my tonsils removed, or when Tali had needed her appendix removed, but he was holding my hand when I woke. He had never been at my side when I was sick before…"

"The baby?" he asked.

Her voice shook with her answer. "Did not survive."

He sighed. "Oh, Ziva…"

She shook her head, a tear slipping down her cheek as she shut her eyes tightly. "I hated myself, Tony, because I felt relieved. I had spent so much time not thinking about the baby because I had not spent much time planning on it ever belonging to me, that I felt relieved when I knew it was gone. It was just for one moment, and then it really hit me, but for that one moment, I was actually glad that my baby was dead." She choked up, bringing one hand to her face as if to shield herself from him. "What kind of horrible person thinks something like that?" she asked.

He was quiet for a moment, looking at how broken she was before him. Was this why she had never let herself get close enough to somebody to be with them completely? Because she was afraid of being betrayed, of being physically hurt, the way that Sa'id had hurt her? He didn't know the man, but he already wanted to hurt him, if not more than the way he had wanted to hurt Adam. Adam had cheated on her, damaged her pride, but Sa'id had damaged her soul, taken her child from her. He hated them both for hurting her, but it wasn't a competition to know who he'd kill first if he had the opportunity. He took her more into his arms, rubbing at her shoulders gently. "It was complicated," he whispered. "You were young, Ziva, and confused…it was okay."

She shook her head, tears still falling. "No, it was not."

"It was not your fault," he stressed slowly.

"They told me it would have been a girl," she remembered, pressing her face against his shoulder when it was the only place left to go. "I was too late for an emergency termination, so they had induced a labour while I was sedated. The doctors told me that I was too heavily sedated and too traumatised to have remembered the labour. It was not properly formed, not quite, but it was a girl. A daughter. They asked me if I wished to see her, or to give her a name, but I could not, not knowing that I failed her."

"It's okay," he whispered, not knowing what else he could say. It wasn't possible to make something like this right with words.

"I just…" she broke off, taking a deep breath. "I do not ever want to feel that much pain again," she admitted.

"You won't," he said confidently, wrapping his arms tighter around her.

"I did not…"

He never found out what she was going to say next, because she broke off, holding her breath. He knew what happened when she held her breath; a classic sign of her withholding her emotions when she realised where she was. She usually held her breath a lot on a case that was getting to them, because it would stop her from getting emotional when the women before her were crying for lost children. Now, she was holding her breath. He went to stroke his hand through her hair, but she brushed him off, suddenly stepped back, removing herself from his arms and running her own fingers through her hair.

"No," she said. "No, we have had a nice evening and I am ruining it."

"You're not ruining anything," he rushed to assure her.

She laughed, but there was no happiness in her tone. "This was not how you expected this evening to end, Tony," she pointed out.

"No," he couldn't deny that. "I expected it to end as it did the night before, with us going to bed beside each other and waiting until something happens."

"With the mission?"

He stared at her, watching her for a moment too long when he seemed to surrender with his answer. "Yeah, with the mission," he mumbled, his eyes darting to the left momentarily.

She noticed his silence, as well as his eyes flickering to the left, a sure sign of a lie. What was he lying about, though? What, exactly, was he waiting for to happen? The intensity of his stare caused her to crumble once again, and he instinctively reached out, pulling her back against his shoulder, even though she tried to fight him.

"No, no, don't fight me. Don't fight me," he said, whispering his repetition in her ear. Feeling his voice so close to her encouraged her to relax against him, bringing her arms up to encircle his waist. They remained that way, holding each other for the longest time. When they moved back, Tony held out his hand to her. "Come on," he whispered.

She looked confused. "Where-?"

"We're both exhausted," he said simply, leading her over to the bed.

As they did the night before, they climbed into the bed. Ziva automatically curled up on her side, facing away from him and towards the window. He heard her take a shuddering breath, no doubt due to her holding her breath so much, and he scooted onto her side of the bed, giving her no warning as he slipping his arm around her waist, effectively spooning her. To his surprise, she didn't question him or move him away. She just put her hand over his, holding him in place, as if wanting to feel life in a place where she had previously lost it.

"Tony," she whispered into the darkness, once he had reached over and turned the lamp off.

"Yeah," he replied, showing her just how close his face was when it tickled her ear.

"Thank you," she said honestly. "For not judging me.

"We all have pasts, Ziva," he reminded her. "You wouldn't be who you are today without your past."

She scoffed quietly. "That is not necessarily a bad thing."

"Well, I kinda like you how you are," he admitted.

"Kinda?" she questioned.

He just laughed lightly, tightening his arm around her stomach and dragging him a fraction closer to her. "Go to sleep, Zee."


	37. I Can't Hide From It Any More

Abby felt rather proud of herself as she watched him pace. It meant that she'd made him think. However, she also felt quiet unnerved. After all, she was the one who was (still quite painfully and annoyingly) going through caffeine withdrawal symptoms, and she'd never been quite this jittery or confused about her surroundings. She figured that by the time the baby arrived she'd be just about used to not having caffeine, and by that time she'd be back on the caffeine. She'd thought about breast feeding, but realised that caffeine wasn't good to breast feed a child with, and bottle feeding also meant that McGee (owner of the devil spawn that impregnated her just when Caf-pow went down in price) could get up in the middle of the night to feed their precious bundle of caffeine-free joy. But that wasn't important right now. Well, of course it was, but Tony's pacing up and down in her lab was supposed to be her main focus.

So she focused - by sitting down and calmly watching his distressed pacing.

"See!" she added, just for extra punch.

Tony shook his head, still pacing. "No, I don't see."

"You clearly do see," she pointed out. "Otherwise you wouldn't be pacing."

Tony stopped pacing at this, looking up at the plasma Abby currently had tuned to DiNozzo TV. At the moment, she was watching reruns of him and Ziva talking to their neighbours over the fence. It had been when he arrived home from work, and Penny had insisted on running to the bottom of the driveway to meet him. Ziva had followed, naturally, and they had a short talk with their neighbours. He groaned, throwing his hands in the air with all the dramatics that Abby was proud to possibly have influenced. "Even complete strangers think we're married!" he complained. "This is bad."

"Why is it bad?" she asked. She actually thought it was fabulous, but telling Tony this would only make him start pacing again. At least now he was only staring helplessly and gesturing wildly at the plasma rather than wearing a hole in the floor with his shoes.

"She's my partner, Abs," he said.

The usual excuse, she thought to herself. "Meaning?"

He looked at her, his face showing an expression other than complete dismay since the moment he had arrived down in her lab. "You know what that means."

"It means that you work well together," she justified.

"No," he shook his head, staring back at the television just in time to see the footage of him taking advantage of his cover and putting an arm around Ziva's waist. "No, it's more than that," he muttered to himself.

"How so?" Abby asked innocently.

"Abs…I don't know what to do," he told her quietly. "What am I supposed to do?"

"About what?"

He half-shrugged, staring at the screen as if he were paying as little attention as possible to the conversation at hand. "I've never been so confused about something like this."

"You're not confused," she assure him. "You're in denial."

He scoffed. "Is there a difference?"

"Oh, yeah." Tony groaned loudly, only a short step away from stamping his feet like a petulant child. "Look, why don't you go back to the beginning and explain this to me like you're not a crazy person, okay?" she suggested, patting the stool next to her. It took a moment, and her turning off the plasma, for him to take up her offer and he sat down beside her. "Now, what's going on?"

"Something's…changing," he explained vaguely.

"Define 'something'," she told him. Tony stared back at her. "What? Give me something to work with here."

"I don't know how to explain it," he shrugged.

"Try," she suggested…or maybe ordered. It depended how you looked at it. Tony, clearly, took it as a demand.

"It's just…sometimes I step back and realise how far we've suddenly jumped into each other's lives. I mean, a year ago I rarely saw her outside of work, now we're living together. And it's not just the case. The only difference between now and a month ago is that we're sharing a bed every night and we occasionally have to act like an engaged couple when people are watching. It's like…"

He stopped there, but Abby was still expecting magic. "It's like…?" she prompted.

"I don't know," he shrugged again. "I just know that I like it."

She grinned at this. "Well, what first hinted you to the 'something changing'?" she asked.

"Sunday, I think," he remembered. "We were watching the game together, and just by doing that I realised how different she was from every single girl I've ever dated."

"Is it that I actually like this one?" Abby asked with a smirk.

"No," he deadpanned. "Any other girl who watches the game with me doesn't get involved in it. I mean, every time the guys miss a shot any other girl would say 'it's going to be okay, babe' and all that sickening crap you don't want to hear during a game."

She laughed to herself. "I can't imagine Ziva doing that ever. Not even for a bet."

"Then it wouldn't surprise you to know that she started screaming 'you make more than a drug dealer, make the goddamn shot' at the television?" Tony smirked back at her.

"Not in the slightest."

He shook his head, turning serious again. "She's just different, Abs."

"Because she doesn't fall at your feet," she finished for him.

"I know, what's up with that?"

"It's the sort of thing you need in a woman, Tony," Abby told him. "You don't need someone safe. It's boring for you. You need someone who's going to challenge you, kick your ass when you don't put the seat down. You need someone who gives you something to fight for. You're a fighter, it's just who you are. It's in your nature."

"And what about her nature?" he asked.

This time, it was Abby that shrugged. "You tell me," she said simply.

He looked at her tiredly. "Come on, you know Ziva!"

"Not as well as you do," she pointed out. "What does that tell you?"

He thought about this for a moment, and then put his head in his hands. "I'm so screwed," he mumbled into his palms.

Abby patted his back sympathetically. "You've got lots of thinking to do," she told him.

"I don't want to think about it," he grumbled stubbornly.

"Then maybe you should do something about it instead."

\--------------------

Despite not wanting to think about it, he found that it was the only thing he did all day. He'd earned an overly generous helping of head slaps, come curious glances from McGee, and had even managed to spill coffee beside his desk chair. Unfortunately with this last incident, he had later kicked off his shoes under his desk for some much needed comfort and forgotten about this, so when he went to shuffle off to the bathroom a while later he had ended up with coffee soaked socks that would end up smelling awful by the time he got them home and into the laundry. He could have sworn that Gibbs was silently laughing at him as he just threw the socks in the trashcan.

Even when he got home, he couldn't stop thinking. On the drive home he'd managed to clear his mind long enough to prevent any serious traffic accidents, but as soon as he'd walked in the front door he'd heard her voice and that had brought it all back again. He couldn't get Abby's words out of his head. He hated that she was right all the time. She was great and he loved her like he'd have loved a sister, but he really did hate that she was always right. It was probably why she worked so well with McGee - they were such know-it-alls that they never had a disagreement about something that could be proved with a solid fact.

It didn't take a genius to see that something was wrong with Tony - even Penny noticed it. She'd chatted away to Tony ritualistically about what she did at preschool while she sat at the table in the kitchen and waited for her dinner. Tony wasn't eating, mumbling that he wasn't hungry, but he sat at the table because it was what they did - they always ate dinner together, unless he was ridiculously late home. Ziva kept glancing at Tony, knowing that something was on his mind, but not wanting to bring it up in front of Penny, who was starting to realise that she wasn't getting the usual response out of her father but continued talking anyway.

"Daddy?" Penny asked, breaking his train of thought.

His head snapped up from where it was resting on his palm, and he realised that he'd been staring blankly ahead of him. "Sorry, babe, what were you saying?" he asked her.

"Tasha's party, daddy," she repeated.

"Right. Of course. When's that?"

"This Saturday afternoon," Ziva answered, indicating to the brightly coloured party invitation on the kitchen worktop.

"You wanna go?" he asked Penny.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"That is what she has been saying for the past hour, Tony," Ziva pointed out to him.

"Right," he mumbled again. "We'll have to find a …umm…"

"Gift?" Ziva suggested.

"Yeah, that's it. And a…you know what I mean…"

"A card?"

"Yeah."

It fell silent, his distraction obviously unsettling the others as much as it was himself. He wanted to concentrate, he really did, but he couldn't think of anything other than his conversation with Abby. She'd told him to do something about it. Did he really want to? It was a massive risk, one he wasn't sure he could take. After all, this was Ziva. She wasn't just some girl. She was his partner, his friend, someone his daughter trusted. He could ruin all three of those in saying one wrong thing. But he trusted her enough to be honest with her, right? She trusted him enough to tell him what happened with Sa'id (bastard, he hoped he met the guy one day so that he could torture and kill him), so he could do this, right?

Penny was excused from the table, and he watched as she scurried out of the room to watch television. Ziva had allowed her to watch it before bed, because Tony hadn't reacted to Penny's question. Ziva stood in the kitchen doorway, waiting for the reassuring sound of the television to prove that the little girl was out of earshot, and then she went back over to the table. She leaned over it, close before him so that he snapped out of his latest daze.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, almost irritated.

Was he that obvious, or could she just see through him that easily? "No, everything's fine," he mumbled.

"It does not seem that way," she pressed.

He just shrugged. "I'm fine."

She stared at him, and he attempted to stare her down. It was always hard, but she was actually the first to drop the matter. She stepped back, staring down at him and knowing that he was lying to her but she didn't want to push it - not when they had audio surveillance in the kitchen anyway. She sighed, and went to start doing the dishes. He stayed sitting at the table, silently looking down at his hands. He knew that it might be better to go and sit in the living room with Penny, but he found himself unable to leave. He felt guilty for making her worry, but for some reason, it felt better than the alternative.

\--------------

Darkness had set in outside when Ziva came downstairs. She'd been upstairs for a while with Penny, considering it had been twilight when she had closed the girl's curtains and helped her into bed. All Penny had been concerned about was Tony, and why he was being different, or 'not like daddy', as she so innocently saw it. Daddy's not daddy tonight, she'd told Ziva, and the phrase had broken her heart, if only in sympathy for the girl. She'd told Penny that Tony was tired, and that he'd had a bad day, and after one more story than usual she'd gone off to sleep. She'd asked Ziva to stay until she went to sleep, and she had. It hadn't been a long wait.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she looked into the living room. Tony was still exactly where she had left him when she went upstairs with Penny. He was sat on the couch, staring forward at the blank television screen with his hands hanging loose between his legs. He looked deep in thought, too serious for Tony, too concentrated considering the television was turned off and had been for some time…too different from his usual self for her to continue to hide her concern. Penny was asleep now. She wouldn't overhear anything or interrupt anything. Ziva moved to stand in front of Tony, standing between him and the television and waiting to see if he'd snap out of his daze. When he didn't, she folded her arms over her chest.

"Are we going to do this all night, Tony?" she asked him impatiently.

He shook himself a little, suddenly seeing that she was there. "Do what?"

"This," she said, gesturing at him. "You staring into the distance and ignoring everything around you."

He frowned. "I'm not-"

"You have been staring at a blank television screen for at least thirty minutes, Tony," she said, stepping to the side to show that the screen was dark and the power was off. He looked at it, his frown setting in deeper. "You did not even notice me turning it off before I took Penny up to bed."

Tony sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm just thinking," he explained.

"Well, I hope that whatever it is you are thinking about is important, because you even have your daughter worried," she half-snapped at him.

He looked up at that, and nodded slowly. "Yeah, it is important."

But rather than ask what was so important, she continued with what she saw to be the more annoying part of his behaviour. "You barely kissed her goodnight, Tony."

It was almost satisfying to see the guilt wash over his face, just because it meant he was realising the effects his actions, or lack of, were having on the rest of them. Almost, however. She actually felt bad for him after the initial feeling. He went to stand. "I should go say goodnight properly-"

"She is already asleep, Tony," she told him simply.

He saw back down on the couch, feeling even guiltier knowing that Penny went to bed worried about him and that he didn't kiss her goodnight properly. He always did that. Always. It was a routine now: kiss from daddy, kiss from Ziva, another kiss from daddy. It wasn't a routine he could have seen himself in before Penny arrived, or even when she first had, but it was their routine now, and since it had started they had never strayed away from it. He always did it. There was never an excuse for disturbing the bedtime routine. Even when they were late at the office she would give him a kiss, then shuffle over to Ziva's desk for a kiss, then back to Tony, and then either settle in his lap or go back to Ziva's to fall asleep. Even if she ended up falling asleep with Abby she'd have to be brought up to get her kisses first. What was the matter with him?

As if reading his mind, Ziva took a step closer to him. "What is going on in your head tonight, Tony?" she asked him.

Knowing that she'd stand pressed up against him if that was what it took to get him to confess, he stood up from the couch, picking up the empty glasses on the coffee table. "It doesn't matter," he mumbled.

"Yes, it does," she told him.

He said nothing, taking the glasses into the kitchen. She followed him, standing in the kitchen doorway as he placed them beside the sink. He stood there for a moment, knowing she was there, and then turned to go back into the living room. She never took her eyes off of him, and then they went back towards the lounge, but her voice stopped him in the doorway.

"Is this because of what I told you last night?" she asked.

He stopped, his hand on the doorframe to steady himself. At the moment, he felt unable to look at her for the shame he felt at her question. She thought he was too disgusted with what she had told him about her past and Sa'id. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach that came from knowing this. He finally understood that her persistent questioning wasn't irritation; it was pure worry. She wouldn't have said anything specific about it where they were because the downstairs hall was yet another room that was bugged for audio and visual surveillance, but that was what she was saying really. He turned, making sure that he was looking her directly in the eye with his heart on his sleeve when he shook his head. "No, it's not to do with that."

Steady eye contact for once that night assured her that his words were truthful. "Then what is it?" she asked.

"I've just got a lot in my head at the moment," he shrugged. "I've got a lot to deal with."

"You are not the only one, Tony."

At this, he found himself laughing. "Oh yeah? You've got it pretty easy at the moment."

She frowned at him, stepping further down the hall. "Excuse me?"

He turned, walking into the living room but continuing to talk because he knew she would follow him. "Sitting back and keeping surveillance, keeping up the fiancee act for the neighbours, playing home maker…that's all you have to do. I have to keep up the act as well as doing my job. I have to go and solve other cases on top of all this!"

He wasn't sure why he was suddenly snapping - his frustration had first turned to helplessness and avoidance, and now it had collected and was fuming from his words; words that she didn't deserve to be told. He knew he shouldn't have said them as soon as they left his lips, especially considering the insulted look on her face, but he needed to get things off his chest and he didn't know how else to do it.

"Do you think I am enjoying not being part of the team?" Ziva asked him, quietly seething.

"I think-"

She cut him off, advancing on him in a way that he'd have once found threatening. Her voice was low and dangerous, and he knew that all that was keeping her from exploding her full Mossad side to him right now was the sleeping child upstairs. "Do you believe that I am comfortable watching you leave without me every morning? Do you think it is easy to sit back and know that your partner does not have his partner watching his back?"

He sighed, sitting back down on the couch and covering his face with his hands. He took a second to calm down before answering, unable to look her in the eye once again. "No. No, I don't think that," he told her quietly.

"Then what do you think, Tony?" she asked him angrily.

"I don't know."

"You do not know?" she repeated absurdly. "That is all you have to say? You barely speak all night, you have your daughter worried, you have me worried, you have Abby worried-"

He looked up quickly, his heart pounding. "You talked to Abby?"

She nodded. "She called me this morning to say that you were acting strangely, and to ask if I knew why."

He shook his head, mumbling under his breath as he looked down again. "She can't just leave things…"

"Do not blame any of this on Abby," Ziva snapped at him. "She is simply concerned about you as well. We all are."

"Well, none of you need to be," he grumbled.

"I am not convinced otherwise, after tonight," she informed him.

"I don't care," he said simply. "I'm fine."

"Stop it!" she snapped loudly, forgetting the sleeping child upstairs for a moment. He glanced up, seeing the fire burning behind her eyes, which were dark with anger and concern, and something else he couldn't recognise off the top of his head. "Do not lie to me, Tony," she said, her voice quieter but holding more order.

"I'm not-"

"No," she repeated, steady and clear. "Do not lie." Just like he had earlier that evening, he tried to stare her down. He should have known better, though, considering the challenge and determination her eyes alone were offering. It was no surprise that he broke first, looking away, but it was her that shook her head, looking down at him sadly from where she stood. "We are supposed to be partners, Tony. Friends. That had not changed this morning, so why has it changed since you left for work today?" she asked. "What has happened?"

What had happened? His own words came back to haunting.

Something's…changing.

"Damnit!" he snapped at himself.

"What?" she asked.

He got up on his feet, facing her directly, only inches away from her face. "You! Would you just stop that?"

"Stop what?" she asked.

"That!"

She looked at him curiously. "Tony, what has gotten into you today?"

"Stop being so…" he broke off, taking a sharp breath. "…just stop doing…" he closed his eyes tight for a second, before opening them again, "…you are so…" He gestured to the air around him wildly, "…and every time you…I just…" he groaned loudly, "…I can't hide from it anymore!" he burst out.

"Hide from what?"

He took a deep breath, looking at her in what appeared to be nothing more than resignation at first, but as he spoke his words became more sincere. "The past few months we've barely been apart," he told her. "…and…and I like that. And I want it to stay that way. I want you there all the time. With me. Last thing at night, and first thing in the morning. And I want you to want that. I want to look at you and not have to look away because someone's watching. I want to look at you, and say things, and hold you and not feel guilty about it. I want to be able to…" he broke off, taking a step closer so that they were almost touching. "I want you, Ziva."

She'd seen this moment coming - she'd denied it, dreamed about it, avoided it, but she had never planned what she would say in return, because she had never really known. However, she found that the words came much easier than she imagined. "Tony, it is-"

"Don't," he cut her off, shaking his head with his own darkness in his eyes. "Don't say that it's complicated."

"It is," she replied. "And you know that."

"It doesn't have to be," he argued.

"But it is."

He shook his head, leaning his head a fraction closer. "Ziva-"

"We are in the middle of a mission," she reminded him. "As soon as we forget that, we compromise ourselves and our safety." He said nothing, but his sigh told her everything - he was laying his heart on the line and she was using work as an excuse to avoid the conversation entirely. It was bad enough that this room was bugged and under heavy surveillance. Their cell phones would probably ring any moment with a stream of threats and promises of punishments from Gibbs. She owed him the truth, her real worries, beyond those of how hard a head slap they would get. "…what if things do not work?"

"They will," he insisted quickly.

"It is not only us who would be hurt, Tony," she reminded him. "Think of how this would affect Penny…"

Once more, he sighed. He'd done that so much tonight that it was starting to become a sound she hated. "I've spent the better part of the past year putting Penny first. Everything I do is for my little girl. I know that she's the biggest part of my life and that won't ever change but…" he looked down at her, the urge to reach out and put his arms around her becoming almost impossible to fight now. "…damn it, Ziva. I still have to think about myself and what I want."

"And what is it, exactly, that you want?" she asked calmly.

He stared at her for the longest time, torn between words and the overwhelming desire to finally kiss her. Neither option seemed appropriate. He couldn't put his arms around her because he'd pissed her off enough that night and she'd only remove the limbs in the most painful manner. He couldn't speak because he didn't know what to say. He hadn't planned on things coming out this way. He hadn't planned on them coming out at all until something inside of him snapped. She was his partner, what was he doing? He was ruining years of truth. If they carried on with this conversation they'd reach a turning point they'd never be able to come back from. He looked down, breaking her gaze by closing his eyes. He took a step back, rubbing at one of his eyes again. "I want to get some sleep."

"Tony-" she started, she had expected many answers, but that had not been one of them.

"It's been a long day," he interrupted.

He went upstairs, without even giving her a glance back. She watched him go, and waited a long time before she also went upstairs. She'd simply sat on the couch and thought about his words, trying to make some sense from his jumbled words. When she finally did to up to the bedroom, she found he was asleep - really asleep, not faking - and quickly changed for bed. When she got into bed she lay facing him, her hand on the mattress only inches away from his, and as she closed her eyes, his words kept floating into the back of her mind.

I want you, Ziva…

Any desire for a good nights sleep, however, was banished after an hour of slumber, when a high pitched scream tore through the silent house.

"DADDY!"


	38. The Bogeyman Was Here

The high-pitched scream had them both up on their feet, the bedclothes discarded in seconds as they scrambled out of the bedroom. Ziva reached for her robe instinctively to cover her night clothes and followed Tony, who had already sprinted across the hall in just his sweat pants. He ran straight into the room, in full protective dad mode, while Ziva switched on the light switch. Both were thinking the same thing as they saw Penny hiding underneath the duvet; bad dream, please be a bad dream, please be a bad dream. Tony sat down on the mattress beside her, and at the movement around her she screamed again.

"Penny. Penny, it's me," he told her, reaching for the corner of the blankets so that he could reveal himself to her. "It's dad."

She lifted the blanket up, looking around her warily. "Daddy…" she sobbed, throwing herself at him. He held her, tightly wrapping her up in his arms and whispering to her as she cried.

"Did you have a bad dream, princess?" he asked her.

She shook her head, wiping her face against his shoulder. "The bogeyman was here," she told him through her hysterical cries.

Tony sighed, smoothing her hair. "Baby, we talked about this, remember? There's no such thing as the bogeyman. There's nothing living under your bed."

"Not under bed," she told him. "In tree."

He frowned. "What?"

"Bogeyman was in tree. I heard him and looked through the window and he was in the tree."

Tony's head whipped up, meeting Ziva's eyes. She moved straight over to the window, with the same urgency as when he had first ran into the bedroom, her eyes hiding her alarm but he knew it was there as much as his was. It was only when she pulled back the curtain with one hand that he noticed her other held her weapon. She looked back at him, shaking her head, but she was still nervous enough to look back for a second glance. Tony looked back down at the sobbing girl. "Penny, what did the bogeyman look like?" he asked her.

She sniffed before crying again, wrapping her arms tighter around his neck. "Scary," she said simply.

"Call Gibbs," he instructed Ziva over his daughter's head. She nodded silently and left the room while he picked Penny up. "Come on, princess. You can sleep with Daddy and Ziva tonight."

"Is the bogeyman gone?" she asked, fear in her voice.

"Yeah, he's gone," he assured her.

"Can we keep the light on?" she asked shakily.

"Of course," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

In the hall, he almost bumped right into Ziva. "You read Gibbs?" he asked her.

She nodded. "He is on his way. McGee is checking the surveillance to see if any of the outside cameras saw anything. Gibbs said to stay inside the house and lock all doors and windows."

"They're all locked already," Tony noted. Even though he'd gone up to bed earlier he knew that they were all locked, it was a force of habit that one of them locked up before bed.

"I will check, just to be sure," she told him.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'm taking Penny into our room, see if I can get her back to sleep."

"I will wait for Gibbs and let him know what is happening," she offered.

\--------

By the time Gibbs arrived, all three were in the living room. Penny wasn't asleep. She wouldn't be sleeping again tonight, that much was obvious, and it was getting into the early hours of the morning now. Tony had resorted to pacing up and down the living room space, still holding her in his arms. He'd barely been able to put her down on the bed without her arms tightening enough to strangle him. She still kept the same hold on his neck now, squealing and panicking whenever he tried to put her down or even pass her over to Ziva. Ziva had sat down on the arm of the couch, watching the two with a sad expression. This was one of those times where there was simply no substitute for Daddy. If she wouldn't even go to Ziva, she wouldn't go to anyone. So the woman sat silently, feeling helpless as they waited for their mentor to arrive. Nothing could be said to fill the silence, because there was nothing to say other than whispered reassurances to the girl who still sniffled with tears on her cheeks and her hippo under her arm. Tony and Ziva could say nothing to each other, because that would mean acknowledging the conversation they had before; the conversation that might have been healthy, but at the same time might have crossed too many lines.

When Gibbs finally arrived, he wasted no time in updating his team. "We've got it on the feed," he confirmed. "Someone was definitely there."

Tony indicated down to the sniffling girl in his arms. "You mind keeping it down, boss? She's scared enough already."

"Can you identify them?" Ziva asked Gibbs quietly, placing a hand on Penny's back.

"Not at the moment," Gibbs told them. "I'll have Abby do whatever she does with the footage and see if we have any better luck."

Tony shook his head, placing his own hand on his daughter's head. "This shouldn't have happened," he pointed out.

"It's why we set up the cameras, DiNozzo," he pointed out.

"He shouldn't have gotten this close," Tony argued back. "Not to Penny."

"Tony-"

"You said she wouldn't be in any danger!" he shot back at his boss.

Gibbs was silent for a moment, remembering his promise to Tony at the beginning of the mission. "He's shown his face," he reminded them. "As soon as we I.D him, he's caught. She won't be in any danger."

Tony, however, wasn't convinced. "What if she hadn't woken up, Gibbs?" he asked. "How many nights has he already done this?"

"He hasn't shown up any other nights, we'd have noticed it by now-"

"Whoever he is, he's targeting us now," Tony realised. "He's picked his fourth victims. It's us."

Ziva shook her head. "You do not know that, Tony."

He looked down at her. "He was looking through her window, Ziva!" he cried.

"Hey!" Gibbs called, causing them both to look up at him. "Now is not the time to be turning against each other. You're partners, start acting like it. Hold it together. We'll deal with this."

"He was watching my daughter," Tony said, his voice dangerously dark.

"And he won't be doing it again," Gibbs insisted. "You want extra protection?" he offered.

"Extra protection?" he repeated absurdly. "I want a forty foot wall around the house!"

"DiNozzo!"

Tony seethed, but turned his attention down to Penny. She whimpered and held him tighter. He smoothed her hair, kissing her head. He felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Ziva trying to give him a reassuring smile, something that was lost considering the situation at hand, but he appreciated her attempt all the same. "We will keep her safe, Tony," she told him softly.

"And whatever that conversation was about earlier, fix it," Gibbs ordered.

Their eyes widened, and they looked at each other for a moment before turning to their boss. "Boss?"

"Everyone in MTAC heard you two yelling," he told them. "Fix it, before it interferes with the mission, or I'll smack you so hard you'll cry for your momma's."

\-----------

In a mere few hours, they found themselves sitting at the breakfast table in a similar silence, only now they were trying to find as many ways as possible to break it. So far, they'd boiled the kettle three times, causing an unnecessary amount of coffee that after half a sleepless night they needed, yet had trouble consuming so much. There was more clinking of bowls and mugs against each other as they moved things around the kitchen, and the radio was softly humming out whatever songs were topping the charts at the moment. Sometimes one of them would attempt to sing along, but it still didn't help. Penny was sat in her usual seat, looking down at her breakfast. She was playing with it more than eating eat, even though 'hungry' was the only word she'd muttered since they'd been pacing up and down the living room with her all night. They'd hoped that preschool would get her through the day, seeing her friends and playing for a few hours, at least. Ziva had promised that she would drop by at lunch and see how she was doing, which had eased Tony's mind a little.

"We shall have to go gift shopping for your friends party," Ziva reminded Penny. "What would you like to get her?"

Penny shrugged.

"What does she like to play with?" she tried again.

Penny shrugged once more.

Ziva sighed, looking to Tony who was just watching his daughter sadly. She could see that he was as exhausted as the little girl, if not more. She had to admit that she was also exhausted; there really was no comparison to staying awake all night because you were worried for a child. She had underestimated what the women at the preschool had told her about their children being scared at night. She had been there for Penny's nightmares, true enough, but nightmares could be soothed by allowing her to sleep in with them for the night. This hadn't been. When Penny finished her breakfast, Ziva took her bowl from her, placing it in the sink while Tony attracted Penny's attention. He beckoned her over, and she slipped off her chair, going over to her fathers side, not fighting against him when he lifted her into his lap, sitting her so that she was facing him. He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. She retaliated by giving him a sloppy kiss in return.

"I know that last night was scary," he whispered, placing his hand on her cheek, "but you don't have to be scared anymore."

"I don't want the bogeyman to get me," she told him quietly.

"He's not going to get you. You know why?" he asked her. She shook her head. "Because your dad's not going to let him," he leaned in closer, pressing their foreheads together as if his next words were a conspiracy. "And the bogeyman is real scared of Ziva."

Penny smiled a little, but it was enough.

"That's better, a smile," he grinned, his voice rising softly. They kissed again softly, before he wrapped the little girl up in his arms once more. "It's okay, princess. No one's going to get you, I promise. You're all mine."

"'kay," she whispered simply.

There was a knock at the door which disturbed them. Tony frowned. "Who could that be?"

Ziva looked up at the clock, which showed 06:30. "Too early for neighbours," she noted. "It must be Gibbs."

It was Gibbs, as well as Abby and McGee. They all went to the door, Penny following and standing behind Tony's legs, but before anyone could speak, McGee bent down, revealing a hidden guest that none of them had seen. He unclipped the leash, and a small furry creature ran in, causing Tony to reach down and hoist Penny into the air, away from the fuzzy, barking creature.

"Uh…boss?" he asked.

"A puppy!" Penny cried happily.

"Boss?" Tony asked, more urgently this time.

"Who's dog is this?" Ziva asked nervously from where she stood beside Tony.

"Yours," Gibbs said simply.

"What?!" they both cried in unison.

"You wanted extra protection," he said simply.

"I wanted a forty foot wall," Tony corrected.

"There weren't any down at the pound. This is the next best thing," he justified.

"A puppy?" Tony asked incredulously.

"A puppy!" Abby grinned.

"A puppy!" Penny repeated. "For me?" she asked.

"For you, Penny," Gibbs told her with a smile, glad to see that she was happier than when he had seen her hours ago.

Her entire face lit up. "Thank you, Uncle Gibbs!"

Ziva looked at the animal warily. "Is this dog really…suitable?" she asked hesitantly.

"Oh yeah," Abby assured them brightly. "He's a beagle. They're the top breed of choice by the US Department of Agriculture."

"We're not looking for food in a suitcase, Abs," Tony pointed out. "How do we know this dog is okay with kids? I don't want it biting Penny."

"Actually, Tony, beagles are excellent with young kids," McGee told him. "They form bonds with their owners and love to give attention."

Tony looked almost like he was dancing now that he was having trouble keeping Penny in his arms. Her struggling increased every moment she found herself unable to get down to the same level as her new present. "We have more than enough attention in this house," Tony grumbled.

"I looked into it, Tony," Abby assured him. "They're really sociable dogs."

"Great!" he laughed sarcastically. "A dog that welcomes men sitting in our front yard."

"No, that's the thing!" she continued. "They're easily suspicious of strangers, especially if they're trained like this one. And they're the most expressive breed of dog there is, and with a bark like this beauty's, you'll know as soon as there's someone weird within ten miles of the place."

Penny looked up at Tony. "Can we keep the puppy, daddy?" she asked him.

He looked unsure as he looked at the ball of fur. "I don't think this is a good idea-"

"You have a daughter now," Abby pointed out. "I think you can handle the responsibility of a dog."

"It's not about responsibility," he argued. "What am I supposed to do with it once the missions over?"

"You keep it," Gibbs said simply.

Tony laughed again. "Hah, good one, boss."

But his expression told him he was anything but joking. "You wanna be the one to take a puppy away from a little girl?"

Tony looked at Penny, who had given up struggling and was resorting to fluttering her eyelashes at him instead. He groaned. "Ziva, can you back me up on this one…Ziva?" When he turned, he saw that she was now crouched on the floor, tickling the beagle's stomach and showering it with attention. The dog had rolled onto his back, thumping his tail against the hardwood flooring. "Ziva!"

She looked up at him with a smile. "He is adorable, Tony, you cannot deny that."

He frowned, wondering if he could justify her excuse seeing as she rarely used words like 'adorable'. "Shouldn't a fiancee back me up?" he accused her.

She shrugged. "You wanted extra protection," she reminded him. "A dog can provide that, especially such a loyal breed as this."

"You know, you're not really helping."

She gave him a pointed look. "Would you not like Penny to have an animal close to her that would defend her from a stranger?" she suggested.

He couldn't deny that. He knew he couldn't. Ziva knew he couldn't. Hell, even Penny knew he couldn't. It was a cheap trick. A sneaky, rotten, underhanded trick…and it was working.

"Can we keep the puppy, daddy?" Penny asked sweetly.

"Boss?" he pleaded.

"You're not getting out of this, DiNozzo," he said simply.

Tony groaned loudly, making sure that his discomfort at the situation was apparent to everyone. "Yes, we can keep the puppy," he told her reluctantly.

Abby squealed, as Penny finally clambered down from Tony's arms and got to the puppy. "Great!" Abby said, jumping up and down despite her large stomach. "Now, we named him Chase. Get it. 'Chase the dog'…"

\---------

When Tony arrived back from work that night, he braced himself for a dog attack. He knew what dogs were like, and he definitely knew what they were like with expensive designer suits. God only knew how much mud that puppy could have gathered on his dirty paws before springing his perfect trap on him. However, the jumping never occurred. He had to go into the living room before he even saw the dog. Ziva and Penny were crouched at the animals side. It stood obediently as Ziva took time to show Penny how to stroke him in the same direction that the fur went, as not to make him uncomfortable. When she managed this task, Ziva praised her and noticed Tony. She went over to his side, seeing the reluctant expression from that morning still sat on his face.

"This will be good for her, Tony," she assured him.

"I know," he grumbled.

"It will give her something to focus on."

"She's a bit young to be taking a dog for a walk, Ziva," he pointed out.

"Yes, but since she has returned from preschool she has been following me around waiting for me to feed him so that he could help, and she has already tried to use her hairbrush on his ears," she told him.

"But still, it's our responsibility really, isn't it?" he reminded her. "We're the ones who actually have to feed him and take him for walks and clean up after him."

"Penny has been asking for a puppy since Christmas," she added.

"Yeah, but that didn't mean the decision was final. Gibbs just made it for us."

"You would have agreed eventually," she smiled confidently.

"I might not have," he said defensively.

Ziva raised an eyebrow in challenge. "How could you have said 'no' to such a lovely, adorable, sweet, innocent little girl like Penny?" she asked him.

He looked at her, and then groaned, looking away. "Okay. Just…enough of the puppy dog eyes, all right?" he told her. "We'll be getting enough of that from an actual dog now."

Her expression turned to one of triumph. "Men just need a little persuasion," she mused.

"Persuasion?" he repeated. "That wasn't persuasion, that was a guilt trip."

She shrugged. "It worked, did it not?" she pointed out, before going back over to Penny and the dog.

"Women…" he grumbled.

\-------------------

Two days later, Tony sat at his desk despairing for two reasons. The first, and most important, was that Abby had been unable to get a match on the face as it wasn't clear enough, but she was trying to get a more enhanced image from the reflection in the window. The fact that this psycho had been looking through Penny's window, of all the rooms in the house, had made everyone more determined to catch the bastard. The other reason he had his face buried on his desk was because of their new arrival.

"Everything okay?" McGee asked, when Tony started moaning into his arms.

"Fine," he snapped back.

"It's just…you seem tense," he observed.

"Tense?" Tony repeated sarcastically. "Really?"

"Yeah. Is everything okay?"

"Not since that damn dog arrived," he complained.

"Oh." McGee sighed. "I thought-"

Tony lifted his head from his arms, finally ranting about the things that Ziva had become sick of him complaining about. "In the past two days, I've had two of my shirts ripped to pieces, one turned into a dog's bed and one redesigned with muddy paw prints. Not to mention he pissed in one of my best shoes and buried the other one at the bottom of the garden! And he insisted on sleeping on the end of Penny's bed at night. We tried to keep him downstairs but he just howled and howled until we let him up and…" he groaned, collapsing back into his desk. "Ziva and Penny adore the beast, naturally."

"It's not all bad, having a dog," McGee offered, a slight hint of amusement in his tone.

"Yeah, well, your dog was Navy trained," Tony pointed out. "This one's barely toilet trained - which you could have warned us about, by the way!"

"Think of it like having a baby," he suggested.

"I've already got one," he said. "Besides, if anyone needs baby preparation, it's you, Probie."

"Actually, we're already prepared for the baby," McGee said proudly.

Tony laughed at this. "You can never be prepared for kids," he warned him.

"Or dogs, apparently."

Tony just grumbled in reply.

\-----------

That night, after rescuing his favourite shirt from being used as a tug-of-war rope, Tony and Ziva were putting Penny to bed. They'd had to do a bogeyman check for her every night to keep her happy, and they'd had to promise to leave the hall night on every night since the incident with the window, but they didn't mind. Not if it helped her sleep, anyway. The dog seemed to help, as well, as much as Tony didn't want to admit it. Chase (stupid name, he still thought) jumped up on the end of the bed, turning in a circle before settling at Penny's feet. The one thing that he could admit to was that he was pleased the dog seemed alert enough, even in sleep, to be able to let them know if anyone was checking through the window again, and the dog did seem to have bonded with Penny.

"Goodnight, princess," he told her. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Nu-night, Daddy," she yawned, already half-asleep.

"Night, baby," he said softly. He gave her the usual kiss and cuddle, and she settled back under the blankets, laying her head on the pillow and curling onto her side around Bertha. Tony stood up from her side, allowing Ziva space.

She leaned over and did the same, kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair. "Layla tov, tateleh," she whispered.

"Nu-night, mommy."

They froze.


	39. We May Have A Problem

Ziva remained there for a moment, poised over the little girl. She could feel in the sudden coldness of the air that Tony had tensed, his entire body wracked with disbelief, just like hers. Had that really just happened? Penny was already asleep, oblivious to what she had just said. She had called her 'mommy'. Mommy. She was not her mother. She closed her eyes, a feeling of guilt washing over her as she quickly left the bedroom. Tony made no move to stop her. She could only imagine how furious he was at her. Why had she stepped so far into their lives? She had interfered too much, and Penny was too young to tell the difference. She should have realised long ago what this was doing to the girl, and now it was too late and she had confused her. She shut herself away in their bedroom, already changed for bed, but she stayed in the room. She did not want to spend another night avoiding Tony only to come to bed to find him awake. They needed to talk. Properly. She paced up and down, biting her nail (which was very much unlike her) and trying to figure out what she could say about this. As if things weren't awkward enough between her and Tony already…

He didn't come into the bedroom for about half an hour. She was still pacing, however, and still no less enlightened as to how to deal with this. She had hoped that he might be, even if he was about to explode on her for invading their lives and confusing his daughter. At least it meant one of them had a way to express themselves with this. She looked up when he entered the bedroom, watching as he ritualistically left he door open a fraction, in case Penny came in during the night, and then as he crossed over to the bed and sat down on the mattress, looking down at his hands.

"Tony," she began. "I am-"

"You don't have to apologize," he cut her off softly. She looked at him strangely. "They were her words, not yours," he explained.

She shook her head. "I should not have interfered so much. She is young, and being around so much has confused her-"

"You weren't interfering," he corrected her. "You were helping us."

"Tony-"

He looked up, meeting her eyes so that she could see his honesty. "Do you really think that I could have got this far with Penny without you?" he asked her.

She was silent for a long moment, her mind taking her back to that first night with the young girl, where Tony's fear and denial kept him from being in the same room as his daughter. "You would have, eventually," she whispered.

"We didn't have time for 'eventually'," he pointed out. "She'd lost her mother. She needed her father. You made sure she got that. I owe you, for that."

Her eyebrows came together in confusion as she struggled to understand his words. "After what Penny just said, you are thanking me?" she asked him in disbelief.

"Is that so bad?" he asked her.

She looked at him, wondering if he had even heard her. "Tony, do you not realise what it was that she said?"

"Yeah, she called you 'mommy'," he repeated, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"Does that not concern you?" she asked him.

"It felt strange, at first," he admitted. "But to tell the truth, I'm glad."

The confusion just kept growing for her. "You are glad?"

He nodded. "When she lost Alicia, she didn't just lose a mother, she lost her role model. I'm glad that she has someone she looks up to like that. Someone who's a positive role model for her."

She laughed a little. "'Mommy' is a long way from 'role model'" she pointed out.

"And 'partners' is a long way from 'friends', but look how that went for us," he shot back, both of them noticing the strained use of the word 'friends'.

But now was not the time to talk about them. This was bigger than them. "Tony, how can you sit there and act like this is not a big deal?" she asked him.

"Because it isn't," he said simply.

"Of course it is!"

"No, it's not," he shook his head. "Like you said, Ziva, she's young. You're taking her to preschool and bringing her home after. You're living in the same house as us, if only for the time being. You make her breakfast, you help her get dressed, you help bathe her, you want movies with her. You hold her, and you make her laugh and you tuck her into bed at night. You even let her stand on the chair while you're making dinner so she thinks that she's helping…there's only one other woman who ever did that for her," he said.

"Her mother," she realised.

He nodded. "I'm not going to act like it didn't surprise me, because it did. I didn't realise that it had come this far, but clearly it had. I know the team has always been a family, for all of us, but Penny sees you as real family."

She copied his nod, looking down before meeting his eyes again. "I understand if you would like me to step back…"

Now it was his turn to look confused. "Do you not get what I'm saying?" he asked her.

"I am intruding, making things complicated for Penny…"

"You're seriously not listening to me, are you?" he realised. He stood up, going to stand before her and placing his hands on her upper arms. "She was tired, half asleep, and was only thinking what she naturally felt. She probably won't even remember it in the morning, but I know you won't forget it."

She scoffed at the idea. "It would be impossible to forget that," she agreed.

"Exactly," he nodded. "And I just want you to know that…well, Penny saying that proves she trusts you. I know that she trusts you, of course, but this just proved how much. I'm glad that she trusts you. I'm glad that she has someone in her life like you. Someone who cares about her that much to be able to do those things for her. You're not obligated to do them, but you still do. You don't get enough credit for that."

"I do not need any," she insisted.

He sighed. "Look, Ziva, what I'm trying to say is that if I was going to choose anyone to be a part of her life in the way that Penny sees it, it would be you." Ziva looked shocked at this. Was he saying what she thought he was? "Alicia said in that DVD message that if I found someone Penny trusted, I should let her call her 'mom', but I knew then that it wasn't something for me to choose," he explained. "I wouldn't force her to call somebody that because you can't force that kind of trust. I wanted her to choose for herself."

The intensity of the conversation suddenly made the air around her hard to breathe. She sighed. "She was exhausted, Tony, she did not know what she was saying-"

"I know," he nodded. "And I want you to know that if she says it again, I don't feel bad about it, okay? So try not to look too much like a deer in the headlights next time."

"A what?" she asked with a frown.

"Just don't look so scared," he told her with a smile.

She gaped at him. "I was not scared!"

He laughed at her. "Are you kidding? You looked terrified when she said that."

They both laughed for a moment, even more so when she thumped him lightly on the arm for saying she was scared. However, when the laughter faded, it left a tension in it's place, one that felt like suffocation with how close they were standing, looking into each other's eyes. Ziva found her voice first. "Tony," she whispered. "We need to talk."

He sighed, feeling the conversation turn heavy. "Do we have to?" he asked.

"Yes," she insisted. "And you know that we do."

"We could just pretend…"

She shook her head. "I will not pretend that you did not say those things the other night," she told him. "We do need to talk."

"I know," he agreed after a moment. "But not tonight."

"You cannot avoid it-"

"I'm not avoiding it," he assured her quickly. "I just…I figure it's going to be a long conversation, and maybe it'd be better if Penny wasn't here for it."

"She is always here, Tony," she pointed out.

He thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Tomorrow's Friday. I'll see if she can stay over at Abby's with her and Probie," he suggested. "They could use the practice. Then when I get home, we can talk."

"No avoiding," she nodded.

"We've been avoiding this conversation for years, Ziva," he pointed out. "One more night won't hurt."

\--------------

The next morning, as promised, Tony went down to the lab to see Abby. Thankfully, she was already there, having not yet started work as she was only just walking away from her CD player, which was playing her music already but at a much more bearable level of sound for 7am. "You're here early," she noted, when she saw him enter the lab.

"Yeah, I brought you a present," he said, presenting her with a decaffeinated Caf-pow.

She took it with a grin. "Aww, Tony, you're sweet," she thanked him. "What did you do?"

He looked up in defence. "I didn't do anything."

"You never bring me a Caf-pow," she pointed out.

"I'm in a good mood and thought I'd share the love," he justified.

"Not buying it," she told him, putting her hands on her hips.

"I didn't do anything, I swear," he told her, holding up his hands.

She looked at him, and he wondered whether or not she'd developed eyes in the back of her head yet, or whether that happened when she actually had the baby. "Then this is about what you didn't do that you actually want to do?" she realised.

He sighed, surrendering. "Okay, maybe I need one tiny favour," he admitted.

Her eyes widened. "You still haven't talked to Ziva!" she realised.

"That's where the favour comes in," he told her.

"I'm not telling her for you," she said immediately.

"I know," he said quickly. "That's not the favour."

"Then what is the favour?" she asked.

"Well, I get the feeling it's going to be a long conversation," he started. "Maybe one that might lead into things that may be more acceptable if Penny weren't around to walk in on in the middle of the night…"

Abby looked at him incredulously. "You're asking me to watch Penny for the night so you can sleep with Ziva?" she asked him.

"No, I'm begging you to watch Penny for the night because you love her very much and it'll be practice for you and McGee and it'll mean that Ziva and I can have the conversation that you've wanted us to have for years now."

She looked at him suspiciously. "About?"

"Stuff," he mumbled.

"What kind of stuff?"

He looked at her. "Do you really have to ask?"

"Well, yeah," she pointed out. "It makes the difference between me dropping Penny back ridiculously early on Saturday morning or at lunchtime."

He sighed. "Feelings and…stuff."

Abby's eyes lit up. "You're going to tell her how you feel?"

"Yes," he said simply.

Abby squealed. "How do you feel?"

He frowned. "Shouldn't I be telling her before I tell you?" he asked.

"Not unless you want to be interrupted by 'daddy, what are you doing?' in the middle of-," she threatened.

"I'm not having this conversation, Abs," he told her, cutting her off quickly.

Abby was about to tease him more, but then saw there was a serious expression on his face. Her grin turned into a more genuine smile. "You're really falling for her, aren't you?" she realised.

He sighed. "Can you watch Penny tonight or not?" he asked her after a small silence, one that answered her question more than any words could have.

"Sure," she nodded. "I'll have Timmy follow you home tonight and pick her up."

He smiled, standing up and kissing her cheek in pure Gibbs-fashion. "Thanks, Abs. I owe you big."

"And I won't forget that," she called after him as he left the lab.

\-----------

They'd been called into the field rather urgently that afternoon. Tony had been glad for the distraction, as until then he'd been sitting at his desk wondering how he was going to say what he had to say to Ziva. He was rather worried that he'd promised he'd be home on time tonight for this talk, but figured that since they were already chasing their suspect of fraud down an alleyway, he'd be home just in time. Tony managed to catch up with him, and even though there was a struggle, he managed to floor the guy. He kept him pinned to the ground while Gibbs cuffed the guy, and then stood so that his boss could shove the guy into a car.

Suddenly, he became aware of his body. Not that he wasn't aware of his body, of course, but he was suddenly alert of something that hadn't been there a moment ago. Pain. He hadn't been in pain a moment ago. Why was he in pain? He looked down at his side, the area which the discomfort was radiating from and noticed that the shirt beneath his open jacket was stained with blood.

"Uh…boss, was he armed?" he asked, as he made his way over to the car.

Gibbs nodded as he pushed the guy's head into the car. "Navy issued boot knife," he confirmed.

Tony opened his jacket, taking another look at the growing blood stain, and then closed his jacket. "Can they…uh…do much damage?"

"When used in the right way."

He winced, opening his jacket to his boss. "Then we may have a problem," he announced, revealing a knife wound in his side.


	40. Humor Me, Please

Tony was rather embarrassed to be seen marched down to autopsy by the Director, especially since Jenny was glaring at him with all the fury of an angry mother. He was wincing, his hand holding a ball of fabric against his side to try and stall the bleeding somewhat. Ducky looked confused when the two entered, Tony rather reluctantly as he tried to glare back at the Director.

"I told you, I'm fine!" he insisted hotly. Jenny turned on her heel and glared at him, and he looked rather panicked, trying his approach again. "I'm fine, Madam Director?"

She put her hands on her hips. What was it with women and doing that to him today? First Abby, now Jenny? "Agent DiNozzo, what is that covering your shirt?" she tested him.

He looked down, choosing the clever way out. "McGee's jacket."

"And why do you need Agent McGee's jacket?" she asked him.

He looked sheepishly down again. "…to stop the bleeding," he admitted.

"Bleeding?" Ducky jumped in. "Anthony, what have you been up to this time?"

"Nothing!" he defended. "I was just chasing our suspect."

Jenny turned to Ducky, rather apologetically. "Sorry to bother you, Ducky, I know you're busy. We have told him several times to go to the emergency room, but without Ziva here to physically drag him and with Gibbs in interrogation…"

Ducky just nodded and smiled. "The dead can be very patient, Director," he said. She nodded, thanking him before she left, but not without glaring at Tony first. "Come, sit down, Anthony. Let me take a look." Tony sat down on a free table, removing his shirt. "Oh, my."

"It's just a scratch," he insisted.

"If it is, it's a deep one."

"Ducky…"

"You should have gone to the emergency room," he scolded.

Tony shook his head. "I can't."

"You can, and you will, my boy," Ducky insisted.

"No, I can't," Tony urged. "If I go to the ER they'll have me sitting around for hours and I can't do that. Not tonight. I have to be home tonight. On time."

"Without stitches, you aren't going home at all," Ducky compromised.

"Ducky, I have to go home," he urged.

"Then I would recommend leaving for the emergency room post haste. The sooner you arrive, the sooner you can leave," he pointed out.

"Have you ever seen the ER on a Friday night?" Tony asked him incredulously. Ducky just looked at him. "Uh, right, of course you have. So you see my point, right?"

He nodded. "Yes, they are extremely busy, but the fact remains that you need stitches in that wound or it will become infected and-"

"Can't you do it?" he asked.

Ducky stumbled over the question. "Well, yes, but-"

"Great!" Tony grinned. "You're the man, Ducky."

Ducky silenced him with a curious glare. "I have heard that you are most eager to go home in the evenings now that your partner spends the majority of her time there with your daughter, but there is something else driving you tonight," he observed. "What must you be on time for, prey tell?"

"I have a promise to keep," Tony told him. "And I have to keep or I'll die a slow and painful death. Emphasis on the slow. Extra emphasis on the painful."

Ducky chuckled lightly. "A promise to Ziva, I see."

"What gave it away?" Tony grumbled. "Please, Ducky? I'll never say anything inappropriate about any of your cadavers every again, I swear!"

Ducky stared him down. "I do not believe that will ever happen, Anthony. But on the condition that you elaborate on your promise, I will do your stitches," he obliged.

"Great," Tony mumbled. "Stitches for stories.

Ducky moved around the room, collecting the equipment he'd need. "This will be painful. You need something to take your mind off of it."

Tony looked unsure. "How painful?"

"The dead do not require anaesthesia," he said simply. Tony paled. "It is not too late to take the trip to the emergency room," he reminded him.

He shook his head, swallowing his momentary panic. "No, I'm good."

Tony sucked in his breath, finding that the mild painkiller Ducky had been able to give him was barely working as the needle dived through his flesh. After two stitches, Ducky realised that the young man had yet to breathe again, and thought that talking might encourage the need to draw breath. "So, what did you promise Ziva?" he asked.

"That I'd talk to her," he said simply, closing his eyes tightly to avoid looking at the needle in his skin.

"About anything in particular?" he pried.

Tony hissed in pain. "Penny's staying the night with Abby and McGee," Tony explained, as if that answered the question.

"I see," Ducky nodded. "This conversation is long overdue, if you ask me."

"Yeah, everyone seems to think so," Tony said. "Even Ziva."

"You've talked about this with her before?" he asked.

"A few nights ago," he confirmed. "I may have…said some things."

"Oh?"

He sighed, which turned into a groan at a sudden pain from the needle point. "I'm starting to think what I had with Jeanne wasn't love," he admitted.

"How so?" Ducky asked.

"Because it didn't feel anything like how I feel now, and I kinda prefer this feeling now to what I had with Jeanne," he continued. "A lot more."

Ducky nodded. "Everybody interprets it different because they experience it differently, but the first time you know you are in love is when somebody asks you 'are you in love', and you do not have to think twice, you just admit it."

"Right," Tony mumbled.

"I believe that the best of relationships are the ones formed from friendships," he continued. "One day you can look at the person and see something more than you did the previous day, as if a switch has been flicked on and the person who was previously just a friend is now the only one you can imagine yourself being with. I remember helping out in Ghana one summer in the eighties…"

Tony zoned out, maybe because of the unbearable pain in his side, maybe because of Ducky's words washing over him. Friendship. Was it worth risking it for love? He'd learned with Alicia many years ago that you couldn't have love as well as friendship. It was impossible. With a friend, you can watch her dance with another guy and not feel the need to tear his privates off. With a lover, you couldn't do that. He supposed he'd never been able to do that with Ziva, though. Before he realised it, Ducky had finished his stitches and placed a bandage over the area.

"And she took his boa constrictor with her!" he announced the end of his story as he straightened up.

"…great. Thanks, Ducky," he mumbled.

"You're welcome," he smiled.

"And if you could not mention this to Ziva, that'd be even better," he suddenly thought.

Ducky fixed him with a stare. "Anthony, you have to tell her about this. She will not be pleased to find out you are keeping injuries from her."

"What's the point of telling her when she's only going to kill me for not being careful?" he pointed out.

"A point well made," he agreed, "but I do not think your planned conversation will go down to well once your painkillers begin to wear off."

He grimaced. "You got any good ones."

"If by 'good' you mean borderline hallucinogenic, yes," he confirmed. "I am not a pharmacist, Anthony."

He groaned at the mere thought. "This is really gonna hurt, isn't it?"

"Yes," Ducky deadpanned. "But some aspirin should get you through the night, providing you go to the emergency room tomorrow morning so that you can get it checked for infection, of course."

Tony attempted his best winning smile. "If I promise, can you cover for me with Gibbs?"

"Not likely, DiNozzo," Gibbs announced, as he walked into autopsy.

Tony's eyes widened. "Boss, uh-"

"I told you to go to the ER an hour ago!" he stormed.

"I know, but-"

"Four times!"

"I'm okay, boss!" he insisted. "Ducky stitched me up."

"There are doctors at Bethesda who have that in their job descriptions!" he snapped. "What are you still doing here?"

Tony looked confused. "Boss-"

"He will be fine, Jethro," Ducky assured Gibbs. "It was more a slice than a stab."

"Go," Gibbs instructed him.

"Go?"

"Home. Now," he ordered.

"Really?" Tony asked brightly.

"Ask me again and I'll change my mind," Gibbs warned. "Go."

"Going."

He went to get off the table, groaning as he the first wave of pain hit him. He sucked it in, however, and prepared to go down to the lab to meet the others.

"And Anthony?" Ducky called him back, just as he reached the doors.

"Yeah, Ducky?"

"What we were talking about before…" he hinted. "Do you?"

His words repeated in his mind. "Everybody interprets it different because they experience it differently, but the first time you know you are in love is when somebody asks you 'are you in love', and you do not have to think twice, you just admit it." Tony locked eyes with the elder man, and nodded. "Yeah, I do, Ducky."

\-------------

Another speed bump, and Tony groaned. "Sorry," McGee mumbled.

Tony just glared at him. "Did we take the bumpiest way here, or something?" he asked.

"We took the fastest way here because you wanted some painkillers," he reminded him.

He winced. "Just don't drive like this with Penny in the car, you'll send her booster seat flying through the windscreen," he warned him.

"You're living with Ziva and you're complaining about my driving?" he asked incredulously.

"Ziva's not in the car," he pointed out. "I know you want to avoid the pedestrians that are nowhere near the road, but you don't have to drive through potholes to do that."

"Stop moaning, we're here now," McGee told him as they pulled into the driveway.

With some awkward movements, they made it up to the front door. Penny pulled the door open, with Chase following her obediently and barking happily when Tony was seen. "Daddy, you're home!" Penny cried, wrapping her arms around him.

Unfortunately, she was the perfect height to cause maximum pain, and his eyes actually welled up for a moment and he had to choke out a "hey, princess" in reply.

"I missed you today," she told him, looking up at him.

"I know you did, I missed you too," he told her. "That's why I brought you a special present as it's the weekend!"

"Really?" she asked brightly.

"Yeah, here it is!" he said, gesturing to the doorway.

She looked over, then lost her enthusiasm. "Uncle Probie's not a present," she told him.

"No," Tony agreed. "But staying with him and your auntie Abby tonight is a real good one," he said.

Her eyes lit up again. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," he nodded.

"Can I bring Chase?" she asked. "He'll be real good and play with Jethro and they can be friends?" she told him.

McGee nodded. "Sure you can, Penny."

"Why don't you go find Ziva and she'll help you get your stuff together?" Tony suggested.

"Okay," Penny nodded, running off to find Ziva.

McGee gave Tony a look, on that he couldn't ignore. "Got something to say, Probie?"

"Why, exactly, is Penny staying with us tonight?" he asked.

"Abby offered."

"She said you asked."

"Either way, you need the practice," he shot back.

He closed the door behind him, just in time to hear Ziva being pulled along the upstairs landing by Penny. "Where'd the dog go?" McGee asked, looking around.

"In the bedroom with the girls," Tony confirmed. "Damn thing won't leave Penny's side."

"You wanted extra protection," he reminded him.

"Preferably without fleas," he grumbled.

"Abby checked him over," he announced. "Chase doesn't have fleas."

"Yeah, whatever."

Tony kicked his shoes off by the front door, throwing his keys into the bowl on the table. Ziva would have to drive them both to the Navy yard tomorrow to get his car as he'd been unable to drive home. He shrugged his jacket off, wincing at the pain. "You gotta tell Ziva," McGee told him.

"I don't gotta tell her anything," he answered back.

"She'll know just by looking at you that something's wrong," he pointed out.

"Yeah, I know, she's a ninja," he mumbled.

"That, and you've got blood on your shirt." Tony swore when he realised that the clean shirt he took from his drawer at work was also covered in blood. "It'll take her less than a second to notice."

"Good, then I won't have to tell her," he realised.

"Tell me what?"

As Ziva descended the stairs, Tony looked up sharply. He moved his arm, hoping that she didn't notice the look of momentary panic on his face as he adjusted his position, the jacket slung over his arm and covering the shirt that was stained with his blood. "That…uh…I didn't stop by the video store and uh…" She gave him that look when she reached the bottom stare. He waited for her to put her hands on her hips, as every other woman he'd seen that day had done, but she just folded her arms, daring him to continue that sentence. To McGee's amusement, he actually backed down. "I'm gonna stop lying now," he nodded.

"Why do you need to lie in the first place?" she asked him.

"I…uh…I'll get back to you on that one," he said quickly, as Penny started to come up behind Ziva. He looked down at his daughter. "Ready, babe?" he asked her, emphasising the brightness in his voice.

"Yeah," she grinned.

"You be good for Abs and Probie, okay?" he told her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I will," she smiled. "Bye daddy, I love you lots."

The familiar tightening in his throat when she said those words dried up his mouth. He still hadn't told her that he loved her, even after all this time. Here he was, about to possibly reveal everything to Ziva, but he was unable to say those words to a little girl; his little girl. He threw more emphasis into his smile, making it appear as forced as it was. "Have fun, princess," he told her.

She ran over to Ziva's side, hugging her legs as she had done with Tony. "Bye, Ziva."

"Goodbye, Penny," she smiled. "Say hello to your aunt for me, yes?"

"Okay," she nodded, and then started to jog down the drive towards McGee's car without another word to them. The puppy jumped around by the door, waiting for Ziva to clip on his leash before she handed it to his temporary owner for the night. He took it, and went to follow her, but he was pulled back at the last minute by Tony, who blocked Ziva's view of the exchange and shoved a twenty dollar bill into his hand.

McGee looked at the money in disgust. "I'm not a babysitter," he told him. "I'm not taking your money."

"I'll give you an extra twenty towards that bat-covered stroller Abby wants if you keep her until lunch tomorrow," Tony tempted.

He frowned. "Why that long?"

Tony looked over his shoulder, seeing that now she had put her hands on her hips. He gulped, seeing the intensity of her gaze. "I think Ziva needs the time to hide my body after she kills me," he told him.

McGee considered this for a moment, taking a good look at how Ziva was watching Tony for himself, before taking the twenty dollars from him and all but running from the house. With the door closed, Tony turned slowly on the spot. "So," he said brightly. "How was your day?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Do not mind the pleasantries, Tony," she told him.

He looked up at the clock. It was nearing eight o'clock. "I guess you're wondering why I'm late home," he realised.

"Two hours late home, yes," she confirmed, before letting out a heavy sigh, running a hand over her forehead as if to keep herself calm. "We agreed that we were going to talk tonight, Tony, and you are late," she noticed. "Two hours late. Forgive me if that does not make me particularly pleased to see you."

"I can explain-" he started.

"I cannot wait to hear."

"I need a favour first, though," he told her. "Can you take my tie off?"

She looked at him strangely. "What?"

"I know, I know, it's weird," he admitted. "But humour me, please?"

She huffed and stepped forward, loosening his tie and lifting it over his head. He winced when she did it, knowing that he'd never have been able to take it off himself, and she noticed this. As soon as his face contorted in pain, she knew that something was wrong, and whipped the jacket away from him, revealing the blood soaked shirt.

"Tony!" she gasped.


	41. You Wanted The Truth

Sitting in the car, Penny looked out at the window in silence. Chase was in the back of the car, curled up obediently on the back seat. McGee had to admit that it was a little awkward, having a silent child in the car. The radio was on softly, and occasionally she would hum along to one of things, completely ignoring the tune that she didn't know and replacing it with one of her own. Remembering what Tony told him about practice, he tried to make conversation with her.

"I was thinking we could watch a movie and get some take out tonight, does that sound good?" he suggested.

Penny looked at him, turning away from the window. "Ziva told me to bring The Little Mermaid 'cause she said Auntie Abby likes the songs," she announced.

He smiled, taking his eyes off the road for a second. "Yeah, that sounds good. What shall we get for dinner?"

"Pizza," she decided quickly.

Why did that not surprise him? "Pizza sounds good too," he nodded.

It was quiet again, and he found himself at a loss of things to say. What did you say to little girls when you weren't telling them stories about dragons and princesses?

"What are Daddy and Ziva doing tonight?" she asked, breaking the silence for him.

"Uh…I don't know," he said, glad that she was too young to pick up on his hesitation. "Maybe they're watching a movie too."

Penny shook her head, screwing up her face in thought. "I think they will just look at each other," she told him.

He frowned. "Just looking at each other?" he repeated.

"Yeah," she nodded firmly. "They do that lots."

She was observant, that was for sure. "They sure do," he agreed with a mumble.

\------------

Ziva let the jacket drop from her grasp, the fabric landing in a heap on the floor. Her eyes were wide, filled with a worry that had taken less than a second to form as she leaned closer to the blood, her hand reaching out. "Tony, what happened?" she asked.

Just as her fingertips were about to touch him, he recoiled, taking a step back. "Don't touch it, it's fine," he said quickly.

She looked up at him. "It is not fine, Tony, you are covered in blood!"

"I'm not covered in blood," he said, shaking off her exaggeration. "There's a bit on my shirt where I didn't clean it properly."

She carefully lifted up the corner of his shirt, seeing nothing but a blood stained bandage covering his side. "Why did they not clean you up in the emergency room?" she asked him.

"Because I didn't go to the emergency room," he mumbled.

She straightened up, gasping. "What?!"

"It's not that deep, really-" he justified, as she peeled back the protective gauze to inspect it for herself.

"I do not care, Tony!" she snapped at him. "Why did you not go to the emergency room?"

"Look, it's not big deal-"

"Of course it is a big deal, Tony!" she cut him off. "You have five stitches in your side!"

"Which Ducky did," he assured her. "And I'm sure he's done many stitches before."

She looked at him, covering the wound again. "The fact remains that you were injured and you should have gone to the emergency room," she said, her eyes dangerously mixed with concern and anger.

"The fact remains that I promised I'd be here tonight so we could talk, and I am," he pointed out. Okay, he was a little late, but he was here.

She didn't seem to like that, however. "If you tell me you did not go to the emergency room because you think that this conversation could not wait one more day-"

"Okay, I won't tell you," he said simply.

"Tony!" she groaned in exasperation. "Oi Va'avoi Li!" (Translation: Oh my god)

He sighed. "Look, I don't know what that means," he pointed out.

"Have you lost your mind, Tony?" she asked him. "You are hurt, you should have seen a doctor!"

"I did see a doctor," he said.

"A surgeon, not a medical examiner," she snapped.

He stared down at her. "I had to be here tonight," he told her quietly, a contrast to her concerned ramblings.

"Not at the expense of your health," she shook her head.

Tony looked at her strangely, frowning ever so slightly in a way that made him look like a confused child. "You have no idea how serious this conversation is to me, do you?" he asked her softly.

She sighed in response, running her hand through her hair. She had every idea how serious it was, and not only to him but to herself. That was proved in the fact that she had spent every second since she had fallen asleep the night before wondering how she could possibly explain this to him. And now, he had been hurt, but he had still returned home so that they could have this conversation. Maybe it could have waited one more day, after all this time, but his dedication proved something - she just wasn't sure what it was. "Go upstairs and change out of those bloodied clothes," she told him gently. "I will bring up a washcloth and some aspirin."

"Then we'll talk?" he checked.

She nodded. "Yes, Tony, then we shall talk."

She remained where she was, noticing how he sucked in his breath as he slowly moved up the stairs. The urge to go and help him was overwhelming, but she knew she could help him more by getting the painkillers that he clearly needed. If he'd gone to the emergency room he'd have been able to get something that would do more than dull the pain enough for him to sleep that night. She shook her head, collecting the jacket that she had thrown on the floor and taking it into the kitchen with her. She hung it on the back of one of the chairs so that she could remove the blood stain from it in the morning before Penny arrived home. Definitely before Penny arrived home. As she ran a washcloth underneath the cold tap, she realised what a blessing it was that it had been arranged for her to stay at Abby and McGee's apartment that night.

When she arrived upstairs, she saw that Tony was standing beside the bed, struggling to life the tank top that he wore beneath his shirt over his shoulders. The action was stretching his side too much. That, too, was soaked in blood on the one side. She placed the washcloth and painkillers on the beside table before going up behind him, lacing her fingers beneath the shirt and lifting it the last fraction of the way, tossing it on the floor with the other bloodied clothes when she was one. He was in nothing but his sweat pants now, which he seemed to have been able to replace from his work pants with no problem, but there was no shirt covering his chest. While she'd have usually been drawn to this, a fine specimen of the male torso, she found herself staring at the wound instead.

"Did I not tell you to be careful when working cases?" she reminded him, still standing behind him.

She could hear his smirk in his tone. "How do you know I didn't run into a table or something?"

"Because if you had, McGee would have told me on the doorstep," she pointed out. "Lay down," she instructed.

He looked over his shoulder at her. "I'm not wearing a shirt and your asking me to lay down?" he blinked. "Maybe Ducky did give me some of those wacky painkillers…"

"Incredible," she mused. "Even at a time like this you can make juvenile jokes."

"Okay, I'm laying down," he humoured her.

Awkwardly, he managed to lay down on his side of the bed. She sat down beside him on the edge of the mattress after retrieving the washcloth and handing him the aspirin, which he swallowed dry. "A knife did this," she said simply. He looked at her, questioning silently how she knew. "I have seen my share of knife wounds, Tony," she reminded him.

"Of course," he realised. She started to carefully wipe away the dried blood around the wound. There was something in her eyes that worried him, and for once, the silence over them was uncomfortable. "I promised Ducky I'd go to the emergency room tomorrow," he said, if only to fill the void of sound that had settled over them.

"I cannot believe Gibbs did not drag you there to begin with," she shook her head.

"Yeah, well, Gibbs kinda wasn't around-" she silenced him with a glare. "Okay, it was a stupid idea," he realised.

She laughed, but there was no amusement in it. "That is an understatement."

"As I've been told by no less than five people now," he told her. He moved his head a little, trying to catch her eye, but she was refusing to look at him, focusing all her attention on his side. "Are you mad at me?" he asked her.

"Yes," she said simply.

"Why?" he whined. "It wasn't my fault. I was just doing my job."

"And it could have cost you your life," she finished for him.

He stared at her. She looked up just for a fraction of a second before dropping her eyes again, but that tiny instance was all it took for him to see what as happening. "You're worried," he realised.

She sighed. "You returned home late without calling and covered in blood, Tony."

"Not the first time I've been hurt on the job," he pointed out.

"No, but it is the first time you have come home hurt when your daughter has been waiting for you," she reminded him. "What if Penny were not staying with Abby and McGee tonight? How would you have explained this? You would have terrified her-"

"Look, this wasn't the talking I had in mind," he cut her off.

"Me neither," she snapped back. "But clearly somebody needs to remind you that you do not have your usual partner watching your back!"

"Can you stop being immature about this?" he asked, rolling his head back onto the pillow and closing his eyes.

"Immature?" she repeated. "Tony, you are the one who was careless and-"

His head snapped back up again. "Whoa, wait a minute! Who said anything about me being careless?" he defended.

She just stared him down. "If you were not being careless, you would have explained what had happened already."

She was right, of course, but he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that right now. "Ziva, look-"

"I do not want to lose you."

Her voice was quiet, on the verge of a whisper, but he heard her all the same. There was a silence afterwards. There it was. Proof. Solid evidence that this conversation wasn't going to be a total waste. Proof that this wasn't just in his head. Her hand stopped moving, simply pressing the cool cloth against his red skin, hiding the angry wound from view. She stared down at the wound, and he reached down, putting his hand over her other free one.

"You're not going to lose me," he told her, his voice just as soft as hers.

"You cannot promise me that," she said, shaking her head. "Not when you are being careless in the field and dropping your guard."

"Yeah, I can," he said lightly.

"Do not be ridiculous, Tony," she told him. "What will happen next time? Next time it may not be an accidental slice. Next time it may be a deliberate strike, or even a bullet. What then? It is not only me who would have lost you, Tony…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm a father," he nodded. "I'm not stupid, Ziva. I get scared that something will happen to me and that Penny will be left with no one, but today wasn't one of those days. This wasn't life threatening."

"This time," she finished. "It was not fatal this time."

"So can't you just be glad of that rather than tearing me a new one?" he asked her.

Confusion settled over her features. "A new what?"

"Never mind," he mumbled. "I'll uh…I'll be more careful, okay?"

She sighed. "You would not be doing your job if you were being careful," she realised.

He frowned. "Hold on, I'm confused. Do you want me to be more careful or do my job?" he asked.

"I want you to realise that you have limitations, also, Tony," she told him.

He looked down at his side. "This isn't a limitation, it's a scratch," he told her.

"It is a slice," she corrected him, "and if it were half an inch deeper and an inch further around your back, it would have damaged your kidneys and the bleeding may have been fatal if not treated immediately by a surgeon."

He regarded her quietly, before tilting his head to the side a little. "I see we're having a glass-half-empty day," he noted.

"I have lost too many partners, Tony. I will not add you to that list." With that, she sighed again, withdrawing her hand from beneath his. It felt cold without his contact. "I suppose we do need to talk," she whispered.

"Yeah, we do," he nodded.

"You must be hungry-" she started, but he cut her off quickly.

"Oh no, you're not distracting me with food," he scolded her.

"I am not distracting you," she assured him. "I am simply assuring myself that you will not be complaining all night from not having eaten a proper meal. there is some pasta downstairs-"

He groaned at her last word. "I hate to ruin your dinner plans, but I really don't think I can handle those stairs again tonight without some morphine or something," he told her.

"Then I will bring you some," she offered, standing up and going over to the door, gathering the bloodied clothes on her way.

"Dinner in bed?" he asked, a hopeful smile on his lips. "You know the way to a man's heart, Zi."

\-------

Abby and Penny were curled up on the couch together, the ending credits of The Little Mermaid playing out the songs they'd been singing along to all night. Penny had her head in Abby's lap on a cushion, fast asleep as Abby rested one hand on Penny's back, and the other on her own stomach. Both of them were deeply asleep. McGee came in from the kitchen after clearing away the pizza boxes and saw this, smiling to himself. It wouldn't be long until he saw Abby with their own child now, and it was surprising how un-scary those thoughts were now. They'd probably be terrified at this point if they didn't have Penny to remind them that babies were more than crying and diapers. He went to lift Penny up into his arms, but Abby woke up.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he replied softly, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "I'm gonna put Penny down in the spare room," he told her.

Abby looked at the clock, her eyes widening slightly. "Wow, I didn't realise how late it was."

"Well, with Tony's injury we were late anyway, and the Little Mermaid isn't exactly the shortest Disney movie, you know," he reminded her, lifting Penny up into his arms. She mumbled something about mermaids and fish, but he couldn't understand it.

As McGee left the room with Penny, Chase jumped up from where he was sleeping on the floor beside Jethro and followed the too, intent on sleeping on the end of Penny's bed as he did every night. Abby looked down at Jethro, who looked sleepily back at her. She stood up, turning the television off as the dog watched her every move.

"I know, you miss your new friend already," she cooed to him. "Will you feel better if I let you sleep in with me and Timmy tonight?" Jethro padded over, sitting at Abby's feet and wagging his tail. "I'll take that as a yes, just don't tell Timmy it was my idea or we'll both be in trouble."

\-------------

Having finished his pasta, Tony was now sitting up on the bed. He'd tried calling Abby and McGee's place to say goodnight to Penny, but McGee informed him that his daughter was already fast asleep with Abby. He'd been able to hear the sounds of Disney songs in the background of the phone call and didn't doubt for a second that his little girl was making high demands of her aunt and uncle. He'd told them to call if Penny needed anything, then he'd told them again when they insisted they weren't interrupting their evening for that, and then he'd made them promise to when he didn't quite believe that they would. After that, he'd hung up, remind them that it didn't matter what time they called as long as it was for Penny and not some trivial reason. He'd managed to reclaim a t-shirt as well, as Ziva had managed to cover the wound with a clean strip of gauze from the first aid box in the bathroom. She'd sat on the bed beside him, silent as he ate, but as soon as he'd placed his bowl on the bedside table, she spoke. "Those things you said the other night," she began. "Did you mean them?"

He thought back to the other night, his own words echoing in his mind.

"The past few months we've barely been apart…and…and I like that. And I want it to stay that way. I want you there all the time. With me. Last thing at night, and first thing in the morning. And I want you to want that. I want to look at you and not have to look away because someone's watching. I want to look at you, and say things, and hold you, and not have to feel guilty about it. I want to be bale to…I want you, Ziva."

He nodded. "Yeah, I meant them."

"I meant what I said, also," she told him sadly.

"That it's complicated?" he remembered.

She nodded. "Unfortunately, yes."

He leaned back against the headboard. "God, Ziva, why does it have to be?" he asked her. "It's not like we don't know each other-"

"There is more to a relationship than simply knowing the other person, Tony, especially in a relationship with a co-worker," she informed him.

"We're partners, Ziva, that's a bit more than a co-worker."

"And in being partners, we need to be sure that the job comes first," she reminded.

"While we're at work," he added.

"Which, if you have not already noticed, is most of the time."

He shrugged. "But at least we're together when we're at work," he pointed out. "And we are when we're not at work."

She pinched the top of her nose, trying to ignore the stress that was building there already. "Tony, this is not as simple as you wish it to be," she tried to make him realise.

He frowned a little. "Don't you want it to be simple as well?" he asked her.

"Yes, but-"

"Then we can come up with something," he told her optimistically. "There's always a way, right?"

She sighed. "Tony…"

"Why are you fighting this so much?" he cut her off.

"We have been fighting against this for a long time," she began.

"And the second I stop fighting it, you fight harder," he noticed. "Why?"

She sighed again, looking way. "Because I have been raised to see things of this nature as a weakness-"

"It's not," he told her quickly.

"I know that, Tony," she said. "But it has been told to me since I was very young, and it will not be easy for me to forget that just because you have decided to stop fighting the urge to sleep with me."

He looked at her, frowning with a look similar to disgust. "You think this is about sleeping with you?" he asked her.

"It would involve that, yes?" she pointed out.

He looked away, almost as if he was having a teenage strop, but when he looked back at her his eyes were dark. "Why can't you just say what's in your heart for once, rather than what you think will piss me off enough to drop this and never talk about it again?" he challenged.

"Because," she said simply.

"Why?"

"I cannot."

"Why can't you?" he urged.

At this, she seemed to crumble a little. Her eyes flashed with her usual warning, but he wouldn't back away from it this time. "Because people that are close to me are used against me," she told him. "And if they are not, they leave because they learn of the things I have done and are too disgusted to stay."

He looked at her curiously, trying to meet the eyes that now avoided him. "Is that why you kept fighting us?" he asked her. "You think that I'll leave you?"

"I do not mean to insult you, Tony," she insisted, "but your track record for commitment in a relationship is not the most impressive."

"Did you ever stop to think that I never had the feelings for those girls that I have for you?" he suggested.

She looked down at the blankets, her voice quiet. "What is it that you want, Tony?" she asked him.

"You want the short answer or the long answer?" he tested.

"I want the truth," she answered.

He was quiet for a moment, keeping his eyes on her now that she had decided to look up at him. "I want to spend every day with you," he told her honestly. "I want to wrestle over remotes chase, each other on a rain day, fight over whose turn it is to do the chores, threaten to kill each other over which television show we're going to watch and then not watching it anyway…I…I want to be the one that pisses you off and then be the one that gets to kiss you afterwards. I want you to be the one who makes fun of me for burning any dinner other than Italian food, and the one who yells at me for not putting my socks in the laundry hamper. I want…this," he said, gesturing to the room around them. "I want you and me. It's just…being here with you, in this house, coming home to you every night, waking up beside you every morning…I can't help feeling like it's meant to be telling us something," he realised.

She kept her eyes on his. "And what is it telling you?" she asked softly.

"It's telling me.." he stopped for a moment, looking deep into her eyes. "It's telling me that I sure as hell should have kissed you when we were dancing at Christmas."

She looked away slowly, vividly remembering that dance, that moment where their lips almost touched to a song that seemed almost too perfect to describe their complicated partnership. "I see you have thought about this a lot," she noted.

"To be honest, Zi, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it," he admitted. "I just can't get you out of my head, and I think it's because you're supposed to be in my heart."

She shook her head, sighing. "Tony, these things you are saying…"

"Are the truth," he assured her. She dipped her head lower, unable to meet his eyes. "You wanted the truth, and the truth is, I'm in love with you." He heard her breath hitch in her throat. "And if you can look me in the eye and say you don't feel the same, I'll drop this and never speak of it again. But I have to take the chance because it's killing me being so close to you and knowing that I can't…" he broke off, shaking her head. "If you can do that, I'll leave it, but just…say something, at least."

She raised her eyes to his, as he requested, but they both knew she wouldn't be able to show him the look that she was dared to give. How could she possibly look at him and have her eyes show that she didn't want him? She wasn't even sure a look like that could exist between two people with the dynamic that she had with Tony. Knowing that she couldn't look at him in that way, there was only one other way left to look at him, a way that scared her. He'd been giving her the same look for a long time now, even though she'd tried to ignore it, to pretend that he was hurting and simply responding to her comfort, but hearing that he loved her was something that left her craving that look right now. When their eyes locked, Tony was pleased to see that rather seeing rejection in her eyes he was seeing a mirror of his own emotions: love. He knew it, just from her eyes. She loved him, she just wouldn't say the words. She couldn't say them. But he could see it in her eyes.

Taking things inch by painful inch, they leaned towards one another; first breathing the same air, then closing their eyes as their lips brushed against each others. Content sighs escaped them both as the sensitive skin of their lips gentle touched for the first time since that undercover mission. He'd have been happy there all night, being so close to her, so close to her lips, feeling her breath against his mouth, and knowing that she wanted to be that close to him. He'd have easily stayed there all night, just holding her, but he knew that they had taken things ridiculously slowly before, and that now was time to press fast forward, just for a moment.

It was Ziva that moved first, bringing her hands to the back of his neck and entwining her fingers in the soft strands along his hairline. His own hands travelled up, running his fingers through the entire length of her dark hair, something he had wanted to do almost obsessively for so long now. After reaching the ends of her hair, he brought his hands back up, cupping her cheek with one hand but returning his other to her hair, embedding it in the glossy locks. He wanted to savour the feeling of her hair between his fingers, remember what it was like at the exact moment when he finally got what he wanted, but he was unable to focus on anything other than the fact that his lips were against Ziva's.

Butterflies fluttered at full speed in their stomachs as the full intensity of the moment hit them, both opening their eyes for just a second to gaze at each other. The reciprocated look of 'I want this' shimmered off their brown eyes, matched for the first time in something other than extreme denial of the tension between them. With this, their famed tension snapped, and Tony leaned in, claiming her lips full with his own. It took a staggering few moments for her to react, moving into the kiss as he realised with amusement that he'd never have imagined her to allow him to take control. He always thought that she'd have practically demanded control in a relationship, but here she was, letting him take the kiss at his determination. She trusted him enough to surrender her control, she trusted him enough to release all her inhibitions and relax before him.

When they had been undercover, their kiss had been filled with urgency, a need to prove to each other that both were dedicated to their jobs but at the same time they had been trying to prove just how far they were willing to go to one up each other. It wasn't how a first kiss should be, but in reality, that hadn't been their first kiss. That had been Jean Paul and Sophie Ranier kissing. Now, they were themselves. Tony and Ziva. True, they were in the middle of an undercover investigation as an engaged couple, but the mission had been thrown out of the window for at least tonight the second he had mentioned the words 'I'm in love with you'. In the absence of professionalism, there was only a mutual need for each other, and one they were in no hurry to rush. Everything they have been through in the course of the last few years had lead them to this moment, this place, this time, together. The kiss was slow, neither daring to speed it up in case they lost this precious contact before due time. They both had clear memories of the night undercover, but it was pitiful remainder in their dreams compared to the passion held in this one. As soft lips brushed over each other, gently lingering as they pressed together and parting momentarily only to return to their former resting place, a warmth spread through them. Tony's arms linked around her, moving so that he was holding her up in his arms. In response, she moved closer to him, throwing one leg over his so that she was almost sitting in his lap. Her hands, which were already clasped around his neck to hold herself to him began to stroke the skin below his hair, in the sensitive area where his hairline faded into soft-baby like strands of his dark spikes.

The sensation of her fingers against the skin of his neck caused a shudder to echo down his spine and he deepened the kiss, opening his lips further and tracing the edge of hers with his hungry tongue, begging for entrance. As she opened her lips with a gentle sigh against him, all other thoughts were thrown aside, especially when she left his tongue collide with her own. The sweet comfort that came from one another's touch after so long of fighting back the urges was all they needed to spur them on, their tongues dancing slowly at first, exploring every inch that the other offered. However that was until Ziva let out a moan against him, a delightful sound that sent vibrations through their mouths and shivers down his spine one again. That beautiful sound, one he'd only heard her make in his dreams, urged him onwards, bringing her closer to his chest with the need to hear that moan again now that their bodies were pressed up against each other. For a moment he was afraid she was going to fight against his hold, to break away and try to force reality upon them, but instead she shifted closer, sitting fully in his lap and closing all gaps between them. The kiss deepened even more and he found himself delving past her lips repeatedly, her already ragged breaths catching in her chest as he found the sensitive spot of her mouth that drove her wild, causing him to smile into the kiss.

Eventually, however, the need to breathe became too great and they had to part to ensure that the kiss itself didn't make them black out from oxygen deprivation. All that parted, however, was their lips. Tony kept his forehead rested against hers, his arms never releasing his hold on her and he felt himself relax even more when her own arms remained linked behind his head.

"So," he whispered into the silence. "Does this mean…"

"You know what it means," she informed him.

He smiled, the upturn of his lips causing them to touch once again. "Wow," he mumbled.

"I just do not know how this is going to work," she admitted, dropping one of her hands onto his chest.

"That's easy," he told her. "You're going to give into my charms after all these years and we'll be deliriously happy."

"I am being serious, Tony," she told him, turning so that his lips touched her cheek when he moved forward again. "What about work? How will we explain this? What if this begins to affect things in the field?"

"Gibbs will kill us, of course," he pointed out.

She sighed. "Tony, please take this seriously."

"I am taking it seriously," he told her, all amusement dropping from his tone. "Do you think I would have kissed you, risked everything we've built, if I wasn't serious?" she had no answer to that. "It's going to be hard and we're going to have to stand up for this and prove to a lot of people that this isn't a mistake, but I can to that," he assured her. "I can defend us because I'm fighting for us, rather than against us, from now on. I will fight for us. If you're in this with me." She looked at him, and he watched her curiously. "Are you?" he asked.

"You love me," she said, repeating his words from only moments ago.

"Yeah, I do," he nodded. "I love you." She was silent, and he frowned as he continued hesitantly. Had he misread that look in her eyes. "But you…don't love me?" he asked, his heart dropping like a broken elevator at the mere thought.

"No, I do," she hurried to assure him. "It is…" she sighed, looking away before returning her eyes to his. "It is a hard word for me to say," she explained.

He laughed a little at this. "You think it was easy for me?"

"Tony, you have to understand," she told him. "The only man I have ever professed my love for abandoned me and left myself and his child for dead. I told Sa'id that I loved him and he responded by stabbing me three times to destroy my child." She put her hand on his cheek, and he knew that she'd have murdered him on the spot for pointing out the wavering voice when she recalled that memory, so he kept silent. "I know that you are not the monster that he is, but I have not been able to tell a man that I love him since. So I would like you to know that I do share your feelings, but also to accept that I need time to be able to say it."

"But, you do?" he checked.

She nodded. "Yes."

They kissed again, and before either of them could realise what was happening they were becoming overwhelmed with years of pent up tension. Their kiss was needy, desperate even, unlike their previous kiss. Now, they were pouring lust into every moment of contact, and their exchange only became more passionate when Tony turned carefully, pressing her into the mattress. Neither of them stopped to think about this before continuing the kiss, he rested above her, his body hovering inches above her while she wound one of her legs around his thigh. His hand was at her hip, caressing the bare skin that was revealed there. She let out a moan against his mouth, whispering his name in a sultry manner that caused him to groan loudly.

It wasn't until her hands accidentally brushed against the strip of gauze that they realised what was happening. He quickly pulled away from the kiss, hissing in pain at the contact. The aspirin seemed to be wearing off way too quickly. He wanted nothing more than to return to Ziva's lips, but that would be wrong, he realised. It had been a long time since he had been in this position with a woman, a really, really, long time, and his body was already starting to respond to her touches, her kisses, her caresses…but it wasn't supposed to be this way. Perhaps the searing pain in his side was sent to remind him of that.

"I am sorry," Ziva mumbled instantly.

"No, it's okay," he insisted, closing his eyes against the pain until it faded, which it clearly had no intention of doing it.

"You are injured," she reminded him. "I do not want to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," he told her, opening his eyes long enough to see the look she was giving him. "Okay, maybe it did hurt."

"I do not want to hurt you," she repeated.

"Maybe we should wait," he suggested, even though a very demanding part of his anatomy was threatening to walk out on him for even thinking about that right now. "I need to prove to you that I'm in this."

"You already have," she reminded him.

"I want this to mean something," he insisted. "I want it to mean everything."

"And it will," she assured him.

"Plus, I really, really, don't want to rip my stitches," he added with an ironic laugh.

She smiled, placing her lips against this. "You are going to the emergency room first thing in the morning," she ordered.

"Not first thing," he said, running a hand down the length of her body. "I have other plans when we wake up."

She grinned despite herself, completely surrendering to the lips that fell against her own.


	42. I'd Never Leave You Hanging

He'd had it all planned out. He knew that she hadn't fallen asleep first, she rarely did, but while she was pretending to be asleep the night before he had taken the time to have it all planned out in his head. He'd done too much improvising so far (although, in his defence, he'd kinda had no choice about improvising after being stitched up by a medical examiner) and it was about time he made some plans…starting on how he was going to begin his Saturday morning. The plan was simple, wake up, wake Ziva up, and then proceed to rock her world as he should have done last night. Unfortunately, his injury had made that impossible without involving an impromptu visit to the emergency room to have his wound re-sutured while trying to explain how, exactly, he had managed to tear all of his stitches in one sitting. But at least now he had his plan, not to mention a full night of rest working in his favour. Yes, there would be much world-rocking that morning.

He smiled to himself as he thought of that, barely daring to open his eyes in case it had all been a figment of his imagination. He was partially glad that Ducky had refused to give him any of his so called 'hallucinogenic' painkillers, as then he'd be doubting whether or not he'd even made it home into his own bed the night before, let alone have a perfectly intimate conversation with Ziva about their new relationship. His smile grew, his eyes still closed. Relationship. Was that the first time this word hadn't scared him? If it was, it was probably down to the woman he shared it with. It seemed almost unreal, like something out of a movie; Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David…in a relationship…with each other. After years of pushing and pulling it had seemed like friendship had been set in stone, but instead, they'd just been avoiding the concept of being more involved in each other's lives.

Finally, he realised that the sooner he opened his eyes, the sooner the world rocking could begin. He moved his arm, expecting it to graze over Ziva's nightdress, as it had done the night before when he wrapped his arm around her. Instead, however, his arm slid over the bed sheets. Frowning, he opened his eyes, meeting the sight of plain and empty sheets, rather than the sight of the Israeli beauty he'd been hoping to lay eyes on. He raised himself up on one arm, propping himself more upright. This didn't help with the view, however. No matter how he looked at it, Ziva wasn't lying beside him. The frown deepened; had he really been given some of the hallucinogenic painkillers?

"Oh, come on," he complained to himself in a mumble. "I can't have imagined that whole conversation."

"You did not."

He smiled, looking over his shoulder to see her. With this movement he found himself lying on his back, watching as Ziva stood leaning against the doorframe. "Hey," he grinned at her.

"It is about time you woke up," she told him. "I was about to wake you, you have an emergency appointment with the doctors at Bethesda in an hour."

The smile dropped and the frown returned. "I have a what?"

"A doctors appointment, Tony," she told him simply. "You promised Ducky, yes?"

He propped himself up on the other arm this time, eyeing her with a scrutinizing gaze. "Ducky called you, didn't he?" he realised.

"Twice," she nodded. "Once to ensure you would go to the hospital to get the stitches looked at, and once to ensure that you had not run away once I had told you." He looked over his shoulder at the window, which was open partially. It was starting to look very tempting. "Tony," she warned.

"What?" he said innocently. "I wasn't gonna…"

"Is that so?" she asked. "It is no secret that you do not like the hospital, Tony."

"Well, obviously," he remembered. "That comes from having the plague."

"And that justifies your hatred of rodents, not of doctors."

"I don't hate doctors," he grumbled, as she crossed the room. She sat down on the edge of the mattress, looking down at him with a raised eyebrow. He rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll go to the hospital," he moaned.

"Oh, it was never up for disagreement," she said lightly. "Even if I needed to drag you, you would have gone."

"You could always try some persuasion, rather than going straight to the physical force," he suggested.

"Hmm," she said simply, thinking this over for a moment. She then leaned down to him, softly placing her lips against his. She'd have to remember that this was a certain way to get him to stop talking. The kiss didn't develop, and she pulled away before he had a chance to deepen the kiss. After all, this was persuasion, not a reward. "Like that?" she whispered afterwards, smirking at him.

He frowned at her. "That's just mean," he told her. "You know, I'd never leave you hanging with a kiss like that."

"I should hope not," she laughed. "Now, you should get dressed before we leave."

"We don't have to," he tempted her. She just glared at him, and he surrendered. "Okay, we do have to, but we could always do something else first."

It didn't take a mind-reader to tell what he was thinking at that moment, especially with the dark look in his eyes and the hand that was suddenly at her hip. She fixed him with another stare. "You will damage your stitches," she reminded him.

"So? We're going to get them replaced in an hour anyway," he pointed out.

She shook her head, despite the fact that another hand on the back of her neck was bringing her closer and closer to him. "Tony, this will only cause you pain," she pointed out to him, even though her hand was skimming his chest, having slipped below his undershirt.

The hiss of his breath wasn't one of pain, and his arm urged her closer to him. "No pain," he murmured against her lips, his other arm raised, entangling itself within her dark hair. "No pain, no pretending, no avoiding…"

\-------

"Agent DiNozzo, these stitches were professionally done," the doctor noted as he examined his side.

"Yeah, our medical examiner did them," Tony said, glad that he had been injected with a numbing agent to prevent him feeling and of the pain of the doctor's prodding.

"Give his expertise with sutures, I can't possibly think why half of them would have torn."

Tony immediately began stammering, looking to his side at his partner, who narrowed her eyes at him dangerous. "Uh…that was kinda my fault," he explained.

"He has no self control," Ziva elaborated, putting on a false smile for the doctor who simply looked at Tony curiously.

"Well, I would recommend you start to learn some self control," the doctor suggested, as he began to replace the torn sutures with new ones. "For the next week, at least."

"A week?" Tony gasped, more from the shock of the initial suture than the shock of going a week without what he'd had the pleasure of that morning. He had to admit that up until the pain and the torn stitches and the newly changed sheets which had been suddenly covered in blood from his side, he'd been thoroughly enjoying his morning in bed with Ziva. It was too much to pass up the opportunity of a child-free house for the morning, especially when he had finally gotten over himself and admitted to Ziva that he loved her. He'd wanted to show her just how much he loved her, and with a few small persuasions and some very welcome kisses, he'd managed to convince her that his stitches wouldn't tear because they would be careful and take things slow.

Needless to say, things didn't stay slow for long, they forgot about being careful, and half of the stitches tore. Now, they were in the doctors, having the stitches replaced while Ziva silently threatened never to allow him a morning like that for as long as he lived. And as the painkillers the doctor had given him a few minutes before began to take effect, he found himself lost in a fuzzy haze, where Ziva started to look suspiciously like a purple elephant talking to him through a long trombone…

\--------

"Come on, we are home."

Tony, who had been staring out of the window with a slight amusement, jerked back into reality; at least, as much as he could do considering what the dosage of drugs had done to his concentration. "Home?" he questioned.

"Yes, Tony, home," Ziva repeated, getting out of the drivers seat and going over to the passenger side and opening the door. She found Tony sitting in the passenger seat, looking down first at the carpeting, then at the gears.

"This isn't home," he told her, inspecting his seatbelt. "This is my car. Did I drive here?"

"Thankfully no," she said, more to herself than to him. "You are as high as a sprite."

"Kite," he corrected her. "High as a kite."

The correction showed her that there was a hint of himself underneath the painkiller induced insanity, and she smiled, tugging on his arm. "Good, that means your drugs were not too strong to prevent you walking into the house on your own. Come on now." Once he was standing, she put her arm around him, being careful not to be too close to his wound, and then helped him walk along the path. "After you are settled in bed I am going to collect Penny from Abby and McGee's party and take her straight to her friend's birthday party," she told him.

"A party!" he cried, perking up. "Can I go?"

"No, you are going to bed," she informed him shortly.

He growled, waggling his eyebrows. "Really?" he purred.

She rolled her eyes. Since the drugs had taken full effect, identifying any sexual innuendo had become Tony's latest fascination. Anything that could lead straight to the bedroom was something he liked to take at least twelve steps too far, to the point where she had found him in the halls, giving one of the poor intern nurses a rather graphic account of their morning until Ziva had pulled him away and threatened to send him to the emergency room with something missing. He'd given her that same growl and told her that hoped it was his clothes, and she'd had to physically drag him away from the giggling intern. "You are going to bed alone to sleep of the painkillers side effects of insanity before Penny and I return home," she told him.

Seeing as the word 'alone' had thrown out any of his bedroom plans, Tony pouted. "How come you get to go to the party and I don't?" he asked, as she opened the front door and pulled him away from the eyes of their all-too-happy-to-gossip neighbours. Tony on painkillers could jeopardise the entire mission.

"Because I am working," she explained.

"You're not working," he complained. "You're leaving me behind and going to a party."

She closed the front door behind them, helping him to remove his jacket, which he gave no co-operation with. It was starting to seem an awful lot like collecting Penny from preschool - having to keep coaxing her away from the toys, the constant jumps in focus, the incessant chattering, and last but not least, the lack of co-operation with removing jackets and shoes in the haste to find something else to play with. "I am not going to be partying, Tony," she told him. "I am going to be talking to these children's mothers, hopefully to find out something that could help us do our jobs while Penny enjoys the party food and the entertainment."

Tony took this in for a moment, and then frowned again. "But I wanna go to the party…"

"Tony, it is a party for children," she pointed out. "You are not a child."

"No, I'm an adult," he nodded.

"Yes, you are."

"I'm a grown man."

"That you are," she mused, as she turned back to him after hanging up both of their jackets.

"I'm a gorgeous, sexy hunk of a man."

She rolled her eyes again at his ridiculously large grin. "Okay, it is time for bed," she announced as she began helping him up the stairs. She'd have left him to it were it not for the fact that Gibbs would have gone to her when his senior field agent was found at the bottom of the stairs in a drugged heap while his partner was making lunch.

"I've been waiting all morning for you to say that," he sighed blissfully.

"Tony, I am warning you…" she began.

"Funny, you were warning me this morning as well," he remembered. "But as I recall you were talked out of that. In fact, you were talked out of a lot of things…"

"Tony!" She cut off, hissing in his ear. "Do not forget the surveillance equipment!" This was not the information that she wanted anyone to be overhearing.

In a loud whisper, he turned his head towards her. "Do not forget when we did that think you really liked-"

"Tony!" she cried, cutting him off in just the right place for him to laugh to himself. She got him into the bedroom, and then shut the door behind them, cutting them off in the one place where no one could overhear or see into the conversation. "I know that you are heavily medicated right now, Tony, but please remember that Gibbs could have heard that!"

He just waggled his eyebrows at her again. "Does the danger turn you on?"

She flailed her arms, letting them fall to herself with a huff as she surrendered. "Why am I even bothering to have a serious conversation with you right now?" she asked herself. "It is clearly useless."

"I'm not useless," he defended. "I can be very, very useful," he tempted, walking forward so that he was standing right before her. For a moment, she found herself overpowered by his natural scent, but that was pushed out of the way by the slightly more dominant smell of hospitals and industrial strength cleaners.

"Oh no," she told him, stepping back. "You are not talking me into this twice."

"I already did," he grinned triumphantly. "Three times, in fact."

"And it was the third time which lead to us arriving at the emergency room with torn stitches and a shirt covered in the same blood you now need to clean from the new seat covers in your car," she reminded him. "Now, come on, into bed."

"I like your thinking," he said, mocking a salute.

"Tony!" she snapped.

"You gonna join me?" he asked, sliding his hands over her hips and trying to pull her closer again.

It was only knowing that it was the painkillers in charge that stopped her from injuring him even more, so she only slapped away his hands. "Tony, if you do not get into bed right now I will tie you to the bedposts!"

He grinned stupidly. "Promise?"

"Tony!" The phone rang out in the hall, thankfully giving her an excuse to stop her having to call Ducky to dispose of the end of this argument. She gave Tony a pointed look. "You had better be in that bed by the time I get back," she warned him.

"I'll be waiting…" she heard him call as she went out into the hall.

Once outside, she closed the bedroom door, not wanting the caller to hear the things he was coming out with. Once the door was shut she groaned loudly, wishing that doctors could invent something that could cure pain without turning the patient into a insane rambling fool. Taking a deep breath, she answered the home phone. "Hello?"

"Ziva, hi, it's Patricia."

She groaned internally, knowing that for a the length of this phone call at least she had to keep her cover up. "Patricia, hello. How are you?"

"I'm fine thank you, yourself?"

"Very well, thank you."

"I am just calling to see if Penny is still coming to the party this afternoon?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I am on my way to collect her from her aunt's right now," she confirmed.

Patricia giggled. "Calling in the babysitter last night, I see. Anniversary?"

"Emergency room trip, unfortunately," she corrected.

She heard the elder woman gasp on the phone. "Oh dear, I hope everything's okay?"

"Oh yes," she waved off. "My fiance just had a slight accident at work and needed some stitches. He is fine now, just heavily medicated and speaking nonsense."

"Well, if there's anything I can do just let me know," she offered.

"I will, thank you, Patricia. Everything is fine, though," she assured her. "Although if he does not being sleeping off his painkillers soon I will need to be just as heavily medicated."

Patricia sighed. "You're a brave woman, getting married," she mused.

Ziva smiled, knowing already that Patricia had been divorced twice already. "Oh, you do not know the half of it…"

"I'll leave you to it," Patricia said. "And I'll see you and Penny at the party this afternoon."

"Okay, Patricia, we shall see you then."

She hung up the phone, and almost immediately after she had placed the receiver down, her cell phone rang. She held back a cringe, knowing that the person calling was no doubt watching her reactions on the camera right now. "David," she answered.

"He had better have been joking, Officer David," Gibbs warned down the phone.

"You were listening to Tony," she realised.

"Half the agency was."

Now she was having a hard time holding back that wince. "I do not know what painkillers they gave him at the hospital, Gibbs, but I believe they were strong enough to-"

"Good," Gibbs interrupted. "He went to the hospital."

"Yes, first thing this morning," she confirmed.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, everything was fine," she told him, pleased to have the conversation leading away from the things Tony was saying to her. If the half of the agency that had been watching the feed could believe that it was all a figment of a drug-induced mind, then perhaps their secret was still safe.

"You got a sit rep for me?"

"I am just leaving to collect Penny from Abby's apartment and then we are going straight to the party where I will be liaising with the other mothers," she said.

"Socialising, Ziva," Gibbs corrected her. "You will be socialising with the other mothers."

"Socialising, yes." Why did that sound like an afternoon in Hell?

"Keep your earwig in, McGee's going to be monitoring and give me a sit rep once you're home," Gibbs instructed.

"Yes, boss."

"And make sure DiNozzo sleeps off those painkillers before he speaks to me."

She smiled. "Yes, boss."

Tony suddenly appeared in the bedroom doorway, gripping the doorframe and looking confused. "Ziva…I feel woozy," he complained.

"I have to go, Gibbs, Tony is feeling woozy," she said, hanging up before Gibbs could say anything and heading down the hall to Tony. "'Woozy' had better not mean what I think it might!"

\------------------

She was suddenly glad that she'd never had many parties as a child. It wasn't that she wasn't allowed them, but more the fact that she'd never wanted them. She always had smaller gatherings with her friends, and when she did attend a friend's birthday party, she always hated it. Now, she understood why. The crowding, the running children, the lack of any calm and quiet place…she was already waiting for one of the children to start crying because they had tripped over something.

Ziva was sat at the far end of the large living room with some of the other mothers; the ones most involved in the social events of the preschool who had spotted Ziva as 'new meat' for them and tried to take her under their wing. To tell the truth, Ziva would much rather be out in the kitchen with the men who were at least talking about things she understood - parenting tips were things she had no need for, but she was still having them thrown left right and centre. At least from where they were sitting she could clearly see Penny, who had found herself sitting amid plenty of young boys as they watched the clown entertainer. One of the boys had pulled her hair, and Penny had shocked him by pulling his short spikes back.

Sandy, one of the mothers, shook her head. "Perhaps it's a good think that Michael was ill this morning, he's terrified of clowns." Michael's twin, Ziva thought, was the boy that had his hair pulled by Penny. He was certainly the one who had come grizzling to his mother several minutes before because he had bumped heads with another boy, who had simply got up, shook himself, and carried on playing.

"He's not the only one," Patricia grumbled. "I tried to convince Natasha to have anything other than clown, but no, she wanted a clown. Especially since Tristan told her it would be a good idea." Tristan, Ziva had learned, was Patricia's elder son from her first husband.

"Tell me about it," Laura agreed. "Annabelle wanted to go to a theme park this summer for her birthday because we did it for Joanne's party last year. I think she's forgetting that Joanne's twelve and she's four!"

Ziva joined in with the laugh that circulated the group of women, even though she knew that Annabelle was the girl Penny had considered herself to have a vendetta against for being allowed to wear the purple princess dress at preschool when she had asked first. So far she'd sat back, drank her tea and tried to look as interested as possible in the conversation. The lack of information that was relevant to the case had kept her as silent as possible, only contributing at absolute necessity, which thankfully wasn't very often. She couldn't have looked more out of place with the women. Patricia, Laura, Sandy and Alison were nice enough women, but they were completely different to Ziva. Had she not been there for work purposes, Ziva would have been climbing the walls to escape them and their cooking tips (which she needed none of, thank you very much) and their decorating tips (in a house that wasn't actually theirs, it seemed unnecessary) and their child raising tips (which Ziva apparently needed hundreds of because they had discovered Ziva was not Penny's biological mother).

Alison, however, looked to Ziva, shattering any hopes of keeping out of the conversation as much as possible. "What about Penny, Ziva?" she asked. "What does she want to do for her birthday?"

She realised that she didn't actually know this. Even thought Penny had been talking about Tasha's birthday party ever since she had brought the invite home, they hadn't actually discussed her next birthday. "Her birthday is not until the start of the summer. I do not think she had decided yet."

"Trust me, they've planned the next party as soon as the last one's getting packed away," Laura told her.

"She isn't dropping hints yet?" Patricia asked over her tea.

She shook her head. "I believe she is still excited from Christmas. Not to mention one of our family friends decided to give her a puppy earlier this week," she added.

"Oh dear," Sandy groaned, as all the women apparently had the same mental image of ruined carpets and muddy paw prints.

"It is not so bad," Ziva told them. "Chase is quite well behaved and Penny is taken with him."

"Chase?" Laura laughed. "Like…'chase the dog'?"

Ziva nodded. "Penny's aunt named the dog."

"Your sister?" Alison asked.

"Her father's sister," Ziva corrected, knowing that if for any reasoning she found herself introducing Abby to these women, they'd never believe they were related. "She is very close to Penny."

"That's good," Laura told her. "You'll have plenty of people to help plan the birthday party."

Ziva nodded. "Perhaps I should take the number of this clown. The children seem to be enjoying him."

"Speaking of children…" Sandy said, leaning in and lowering her voice even though nobody was listening in to their conversation. "Wasn't Meagan supposed to be coming?"

All the other women murmured in agreement towards Patricia, which helped Ziva disguise her curiosity when Meagan Jessop's name was mentioned. At least, these women were talking about something which could potentially be of help to them!

"No," Patricia told them, setting her tea in her lap for a moment. "I spoke to her aunt this morning, just doing the courtesy ring to check everyone was still coming and, well, you know how things have been going in that family…" she said, and all the women nodded.

Ziva kept her cover, looking confused and then enlightened. "I have seen the news, but I did not realise it was them-?"

"Well, honey, you're new to the preschool," Patricia told her. "Meagan and her mom, Leanne, were missing for a while. Police went to check it out and found that Martin, Meagan's dead, was already dead."

"Poor guy," Sandy sighed.

"I know," Laura agreed. "He helped fix our porch while he was on leave last year. Done a much better job than my sorry excuse for a husband, that's for sure."

"Anyway," Patricia continued for Ziva's benefit. "About a weak later, Meagan showed up out of nowhere. She's been living with her aunt ever since."

"What about her mother?" she asked.

"Leanne's not been seen since," they shrugged. "They're still looking, of course, but…well, from the way Meagan's aunt sounded on the phone…let's just say I don't think they'll have to look much longer."

At that moment, Ziva's cell phone rang. "Excuse me for a moment," she said, taking her cell into the kitchen, making sure that she could still see Penny from where she was standing out of earshot of the women, who had gone back to talking in their domestic conspiracies. "David."

"Ziva," Gibbs greeted. "You still at the party?"

"Yes, Gibbs. Meagan Jessop did not arrive. The host spoke to her aunt this morning and said that something sounded wrong-"

"Oh yeah, something's wrong all right," Gibbs interrupted her.

"Gibbs?"

"DiNozzo won't be there when you get home, we needed him in the field, McGee's picking him up now," Gibbs explained to her. "When you get home, go about everything as usual, but do not leave the house. Anything suspicious, you call it in, you got that?"

She frowned. "What happened?"

"We're at the park. Leanne Holloway's body has been found in the usual drop point," Gibbs told her.

"She is-?"

"Dead," he confirmed with a sigh. "Our only hope of a lead is dead."


	43. No Play, Mommy

After Leanne Holloway's body was discovered, Tony ended up working most of the day, and half of the nights. He had gone back to working case hours he hadn't done since before Penny had come into his life. The only reason it was at all possible for him to be at work that much was because Ziva was at their cover house to take care of Penny. He felt guilty, of course, because he wanted nothing more than to get this mission over with and spend some quality time with his daughter, not to mention Ziva. They'd been officially together for a week and a half and he'd barely spent a waking hour with her since. Some nights he was returning home long after even Ziva had gone to bed, meaning Penny was well and truly asleep, and then his phone would ring in the early hours and he'd be back at work before Ziva woke Penny for preschool. He had no idea what Penny was doing at preschool because he was never there in time for her to run up to him and tell him what she'd done, or show him the picture she'd drawn. He'd seen a few of the pictures in the kitchen, kept to one side by Ziva just in case he returned home that night. He was noticing that day by day, the patterns in her drawings were beginning to look more like the people they were meant to. He could see that the harsh line across Jimmy's eyes was meant to represent his glasses, and that the funny coloured squiggle at the bottom of Ducky's neck was his bow-tie. The attention to detail she was attempting to show was amazing, but the attention to detail he, himself, had shown to his daughter was a level he was ashamed of.

It wasn't only his daughter he was neglecting, but his new girlfriend, if he could even dare to call Ziva that with the amount of time they had spent together recently. Attempting to set the foundations of the lasting relationship they were both looking for were futile, because he was never there. Instead, they seemed to be carrying on like they had been before they had even had the all-important conversation. Sometimes, when he crept into the room in the middle of the night she would turn into him, laying herself out on his chest. Other times, she'd be too far in sleep to even notice he was there, even with her ninja-senses, and he'd be the one to throw his arm over her waist, burying his face in her soft hair to try and forget, just for a while, about work and missions. It never went any further than an innocent cuddle in the night because he was just too exhausted, not to mention still being within the healing limit for the knife wound in his side. He'd even stopped leaving notes promising to be home for dinner that night, because he knew that he'd end up breaking that promise every time.

A week passed, and he was still leaving at the crack of dawn. When Ziva awoke with the alarm, she wasn't surprised to find the bed beside her empty and abandoned, but the fact that the sheets were still messed assured her that Tony had, at least, come home for some rest the night before. She missed him, that much she couldn't deny. They'd finally got to a point where they weren't hiding anything from each other anymore, and then they were being forced to spend so much time apart because of the mission. Whatever she did know about the mission she learned from her daily briefing with Gibbs in the surveillance centre they had set up in one of the empty bedrooms, because Tony was never there to keep her updated. She had learned that Leanne's body had been killed using the same M.O as the other victims, and she knew that this was bad, because it meant that their killer was no longer waiting, but ready to choose their next victim. Of course, given the fact that a strange figure had been seen peering into Penny's bedroom at night, this didn't fill them with hope. In fact, it made Ziva even more alert in Tony's absence, because without him, she was the only one there to protect Penny in the middle of the night.

She went about her usual morning routine, heading into Penny's room to open her curtains. As soon as she set foot in the room the dog was awake, following her around the room. She left the curtains open, before leaving the room; Penny had proved herself much like her father more recently by showing them that giving her time to wake up gradually would promise them a much better mood for the rest of the day from her. After letting sunlight into the bedroom, which usually started to rouse the little girl, Ziva went downstairs, taking the dog with her into the back garden so that he could do his business. It was clouding over, no doubt going to rain that day, and she sighed. If there was one thing she'd discovered the next day, it was that she spent more time cleaning after returning from walking the dog in the rain that she did after catering for a dinner party. Then, she went back upstairs, Chase following as ever, and back into Penny's room.

"Penny, wake up, is it morning!" she said brightly, waiting for the onslaught of 'where's daddy?' that always occurred in the mornings now. However, the bundle underneath the blankets didn't move and complain like usual. "Penny?" Ziva asked, and at Penny's little moan she sat down at the side, peeling back the blankets. "Penny, tateleh, it is time for breakfast," she coaxed.

"Ziva?" Penny asked.

"Yes, Penny, it is me. Are you still sleepy?"

Penny nodded, rubbing her eyes.

"What would you like for breakfast?" she asked.

"Nuffin," Penny grumbled, turning on her side to try and get back to sleep again.

"You shall be very hungry when you are playing later if you do not have breakfast," Ziva pointed out, her voice gentle.

But still, Penny shook her head. "No breakfast," she decided.

"No breakfast?" Ziva replied, a little shocked that Tony's daughter, of all the girls in the world, was turning down her favourite meal of the day.

"No play," she continued.

Ziva frowned, that wasn't like Penny at all. "Tateleh, do you feel sick this morning?" she asked gentle, worry seeping into her tone.

Penny nodded, turning and cuddling up to Ziva. "No play, mommy."

Ziva froze for just a moment, but quickly relaxed. After the first 'mommy' incident, it had started to happen more and more. If she hadn't spoken to Tony about it in the first place she definitely would have had to by now. It was only when Penny was very tired, usually when she put her to bed, that it happened, especially now that Tony was scarcely seen. She couldn't help but feel something was very wrong, an put her hand on Penny's forehead, startled at how warm it felt. This worried her even more, as she had not had a temperature the night before. Gathering Penny into her arms, with the little girl's legs wrapped around her stomach, she lifted her from the bedclothes. "Come with me, neshomeleh, let us check your temperature."

They went downstairs, and Ziva curled Penny onto the couch as she retrieved her cell phone from the small table at the bottom of the stairs, where she had left it that morning. She then collected some clean, cooler pyjamas for Penny from the laundry pile so that she could change her into something that might not smother her so much as her thick pyjamas. She was clearly not going to preschool with a fever like this; she was no doctor, but Penny was definitely sick. First of all, she phoned and left a message at the preschool to say that Penny would not be attending that day, before she went back into the living room with the thermometer, sitting down at Penny's side. The small girl responded by crawling into Ziva's lap, settling against her in a tight ball.

"Open wide, tateleh," Ziva coaxed, allowing her to insert the thermometer. When she pulled it out, she saw that the number read 102. A fever of 102 degrees. Too high. Too high for a girl so small, she knew. She opened up her phone, dialling a familiar number, but she held back a curse when she heard a recorded message instead of a human voice.

"The number you have called is unavailable, please hang up, and try again…"

\---------

Tony slammed his cell phone onto his desk, cursing as some of the outer casing cracked with the force, small parts of the battery and definitely some of the numbers flying across the room, landing around his desk. McGee looked up from his desk, watching cautiously as Tony grumbled, taking on of the pieces that had landed on his desk and trying to fit it back onto the handset, even though it was clearly a lost cause. "Something wrong?" he asked hesitantly.

"It's broken," Tony complained.

"I'm not surprised," McGee said, noticing that the number 7 button had landed closer to his own desk than Tony's.

"It was broken before this," Tony corrected him.

McGee frowned. "It was broken so you decided to break it even more?" he tried to understand.

Tony just looked up at him. "Got a problem with that?"

"No," he said quickly, looking back at his computer screen. "Not at all."

"Gear up," Gibbs announced, as he came into the room, leaving again just as swiftly. Tony's office phone rang as he pulled on his jacket, he went to answer it, but Gibbs' scolding tone reached him first. "Now, DiNozzo."

"Coming, boss," he said, following Gibbs to the elevator as the phone rang without answer.

\----------

Having tried and failed several times to contact Tony, Ziva had resorted to ringing Ducky. While Tony had the number of Penny's paediatrician in his cell phone, Ziva didn't even know the doctors name, so she had called the one doctor she did know. "So it may just be a virus?" she checked, as she walked back into the living room with a cool cloth in her hands.

"Being around so many children at the preschool is certain to have exposed her to the common cold, at least," Ducky confirmed.

"She was not herself last night, either," Ziva remembered. "She seemed lethargic and that her head was hurting her, but she had been sitting close to the television even though I told her not to, and I believed she was just tired. She slept fine, and did not get up at all during the night as she usually does, so I thought she would be fine this morning."

"She may just need some rest," Ducky said, as Ziva sat down on the couch again and drew Penny into her arms, rocking her gently. "But keep checking that fever every twenty minutes in case it rises. If it gets any higher and continues to rise, take her to the emergency room, just to be safe."

"Thank you, Ducky," Ziva said. "I do not suppose you would know where Tony is?"

"No, I've not seem this morning. Abigail did mention they were out in the field again this morning. Does he know that Penny wasn't herself last night?" he asked.

She shook her head, sighing, even though Ducky couldn't see the motion. "Penny and I were both sleeping when he came home last night, and he was gone before we woke this morning."

Ducky could hear the sadness in her voice at that, but chose not to comment on it. It wasn't his place to pry into the complicated partnership between Tony and Ziva, especially since what Tony had told him the other night. He hadn't heard any rumours flying around the building like he sometimes did, he could only assume that if they had made a decision about their feelings they had chosen to keep it to themselves for the moment, something which he could respect. Instead, he offered a reassuring tone. "When I hear that Anthony has returning I'll make sure that he calls you straight away," he told her.

"Thank you," she repeated.

"No trouble, my dear."

As Ziva placed her cell phone on the coffee table, she turned her attention fully to Penny, who showed little co-operation with wanting to straighten her out a little so that she could cool her with the cloth. She managed after some gentle persuasion, however, and Ziva began wiping around her face and neck with the cloth to cool her down.

"No, cold!" Penny hissed, trying to push the cloth out of Ziva's hands.

"Please, Penny…"

"No, mommy!" Penny repeated. "No!"

"I know it is cold, Penny, but it will make you feel cooler," Ziva told her softly, her heart pounding once again at the use of the word 'mommy'. She did, however, notice Penny trying to rub at her stomach through her pyjama top, and she frowned, lifting her shirt a little. Her eyes widened, and the cell phone was straight back in her hands, dialling the last called number once again. "Ducky, it is me….Penny has a rash on her stomach…"

\---------------

Sitting in the emergency room, alone, she had never felt more helpless in her entire life. Ducky had urged her to get Penny to the hospital immediately, and she had wasted no time in pulling Penny's coat over her pyjamas, despite her complaints that it was too hot. She didn't even bother with putting shoes over her socks, she just put her into the car seat and drove to the hospital with as much control as she could muster, which she strangely found to be a lot. She had to keep reaching over and pulling Penny's hands from under her pyjama top, where they kept on trying to itch at the rash, but the second she had released her hands she would be attempting it again, telling Ziva that it was sore. Once they had arrived and she had explained the fever, the tiredness and the rash, Penny had been taken from her, leaving her to fill out the forms. She was able to fill out the home address, her father's details, but her medical history, her allergies…she didn't know anything about that? As far as she was aware, Penny wasn't allergic to anything, and she hadn't been admitted to hospital for anything before. She'd put in the family history that her mother had suffered from leukaemia, but having written that, she'd panicked. Was it hereditary? Surely the symptoms Penny was suffering weren't for an illness as serious as the one she had lost her mother to less than a year ago? There had been a haste in Ducky's tone when he directed her to take Penny to the emergency room, but surely if he had suspected something of that nature he wouldn't have left her blind to it? Not for the first time that week, and certainly not for the first time that day, she found herself needing Tony.

She sat in the waiting room, her phone constantly using speed-dial to reach Tony. Every time she got the same message, that his phone was unavailable, and that he couldn't be reached. It hadn't even gone straight to his voicemail, meaning he was either out of signal range or that he'd managed to break his cell phone again. If it was the latter, she might just use the broken pieces of his phone to cause him as much panic as she had that morning, if it were possible. Eventually, after an hour of sitting there, panicking, wondering, and above all fearing that Tony's daughter was dangerously ill, a doctor came out.

"Family of Penelope Ryan?"

She stood up, rushing to the doctor. "Yes, is she okay?"

"Are you her mother?" the doctor asked her.

"No, I am…" she thought for a moment…what was she? Family friend? Step mother? Just her father's partner. She settled on that one. "I am her father's partner," she explained.

"Miss…?"

"David," she answered. "Ziva David."

The doctor gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, Miss David, we really need to speak to Penelope's parents."

Taking a controlling breath, she tried to calm herself at those words. "Her father is unreachable in the field at work, and her mother passed away last year," she informed the doctor.

"What about her legal guardians? Emergency contacts?"

Ziva stopped for a moment. Did Penny even have legal guardians? Had Tony made arrangements like that for her? If he had, he certainly hadn't shared that information with her. "I was the one that brought Penny in this morning," she explained calmly. "Can you at least tell me that she is all right?"

The doctor sighed. "Well, she hasn't made it easy for us, but we've run some tests and we're managing to bring her fever down to a more comfortable level," he explained.

"She does not like doctors or hospitals," Ziva explained. "She is scared of them. Perhaps if I could sit with her she would-"

"I'm afraid that unless you are a parent or guardian, I cannot allow that," the doctor denied.

She gaped at him. "This is ridiculous, I live with her!" Ziva cried. "I am the closest thing she has to a mother now. Tell her that I am here," she instructed. "If you tell her that Ziva is here she will understand, she knows who I am-"

"But who you are is not her parent or guardian," the doctor pointed out. "I'm sorry, Miss David, but it's hospital policy, especially with children involved. I suggest that you contact her father or another family member or legal guardian so that we can speak to them."

Filled with a new rage, Ziva returned to her seat, slumping forward with her head in her hands for a moment whilst she tried to sort her mind out. Penny was in the hospital, they were refusing to tell her anything because she wasn't a legal guardian or her mother. She needed somebody they would speak to. She needed Tony. Tony. It all came back to Tony. If he'd been reachable in the first, she wouldn't have been sat here helpless. Penny wouldn't be scared and alone, because Tony was her father and he'd have been allowed to stay with her while the tests were being done and while they were waiting for the results. She took her cell phone out of her pocket again, starting to go back to her monotonous attempts to call anyone…Tony….McGee…Gibbs…and that one worked. She was shocked when she heard more than just an 'out of service message'.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Gibbs!" she breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness, is Tony with you?"

"Just gone into interrogation," he explained. "Something wrong?"

"I need him at the hospital," she explained. "I am at the emergency room."

"What happened?" Gibbs asked.

Ziva rested her forehead on one hand. "Penny had a high fever this morning. She did not go to preschool and I was trying to get in touch with Tony but I could not get through to his cell. I spoke to Ducky and he said to keep an eye on the fever and-"

Gibbs interrupted her rambling, his voice as calm and controlled as she wished hers was. "Ziva. What happened?"

"Penny came out in a rash," she explained. "It was spreading even as we made our way to the hospital and the fever continued to get higher. When we arrived at the hospital it had reached one hundred and five degrees," she revealed.

"Is she okay?" Gibbs asked, with less of a business tone and a lot more worry in his voice.

"I do not know," she admitted,

"You don't know?!"

"I am not her parent," Ziva choked her out. "And I am not her legal guardian either. The doctors will not tell me anything about her condition. They will only speak to a parent or guardian, so I really, really need Tony to come to the hospital," she repeated, hating the desperation her voice, but she felt it was justified.

"Which hospital are you at?" Gibbs asked her.

"Bethesda," she said instantly. "It was closest and once I had shown my badge the doctors would not turn her away, especially not a child."

"Okay," Gibbs said, "Stay there, we're on our way."

Gibbs hung up, and at a loss of anything else to do, she did exactly what he told her to do. She stayed right where she was, looking at the doors she hadn't been allowed through.

\------------

"Ziva!"

She looked up at the sound of his voice, finding her partner rushing towards her, their boss following a little slower behind him. She stood up to meet him, knowing that if it were anyone else other than Penny she'd have shouted at him right in the middle of the lobby. "Tony, where have you been?" she asked, as he put his hands on her arms.

"Where's Penny?" he asked her, his voice filled with urgency. "Is she okay?"

She shook her head slowly. "They will not tell me, Tony," she said softly.

His frown grew. "What? What do you mean they won't tell you?"

"I am not her mother, Tony!" she pointed out. "They would only speak to a parent or legal guardian, of which I am neither."

He stopped, his entire body coming to a halt as everything hit him in one go. His daughter was in the hospital, possibly very sick. His partner, the closest thing Penny had to a mother, had done the right thing getting her medical attention, but the doctors weren't authorised to tell her anything. How could he have been so stupid as to not list emergency contacts for Penny? What if something was wrong and even Ziva hadn't been there to try and reach him? "Where's her doctor?" he asked quietly.

"Over there," Ziva asked, pointing to the doctor filling out forms at the nurses station.

"Come on," he said, keeping hold of one of her arms as he went over to the doctor. "Let's sort this out. When they were standing in front of the doctor, Ziva was amused to see that the doctor seemed a little unnerved by the anger in Tony's eyes as the added presence of Ziva once again before him. "Hi, I'm here for Penny Ryan, I'm her father," Tony explained.

"Mr Ryan?" the doctor assumed.

"DiNozzo," he corrected. "Special agent. How is she?"

The doctor looked down at his notes and offered Tony a reassuring smile. "Agent DiNozzo, I can assure you that your daughter is in no danger, health-wise."

Both Tony and Ziva sighed. "What is it then?" Tony asked. "She's okay, right?"

Again, he consulted his notes. "When she was admitted she had a high fever and a rash, so naturally we ran tests to exclude some of the more serious illnesses such as meningitis, but thankfully all the tests came back negative."

"So what gave her the fever and the rash?" Ziva asked.

"That would be the primary infection caused by the Varicella Zoster Virus," the doctor explained. Two very confused and very concerned faces stared back at him, but the doctor smiled. "Agent DiNozzo, your daughter simply has the chicken pox."

"Chicken pox?" he repeated absurdly.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, it's a very common illness, especially in children. It's transmitted through the air particles and also highly contagious."

Still, Tony looked confused, with more and more relief sinking into a growing smile. "Penny has chicken pox?"

"Yes," the doctor repeated. "From her medical history we could see that she has not had the virus before, so it could simply mean that coming into contact with another child who has had the virus made her extremely susceptible to it. The virus would have entered the lungs, and it's then carried through the blood to the skin where it causes the rash. Other symptoms include a headache, the fever she was admitted with, swollen glands…any flu-like symptoms which combined with the rash seem suspicious enough not to be the flu."

"So, she's okay?" Tony checked.

"She is tired, and very keen to go home, but there is no reason why the virus shouldn't run it's course, and she should be back to full health within ten to twenty days," he assured them.

"We can take her home?"

"Of course," the doctor nodded. "I'll go and get her discharge papers now. She's in the room on your right if you'd like to get her ready."

"Of course, thank you."

As Tony went into the room, Ziva followed, but stood back as Tony went over to Penny's side. She was curled on her side in a hospital bed, thankfully with none of the scary wires attached to her arms, but they could see a plaster on the inside of her arm where they had taken blood. "Hey, princess," Tony whispered softly, smoothing back her hair from her face.

She opened her eyes, looking up at him. "Daddy?"

"Yeah, hon, daddy's here," he told her. "We're gonna take you home now, okay?"

"Daddy staying home?" she checked.

"Yeah, Penny, I'm gonna stay home with you for a while until you get better."

Ziva smiled at this. Tony had missed a lot of time with his daughter in the past week, time that they would never get back, but thankfully it was only a week. He had missed three years and managed to keep a perfectly good relationship with his daughter, they could survive a week. Tony stood up, bringing Penny onto his hip as he came over to her. He offered her a small smile. "I'm sorry," he told her.

"No," she shook her head. "I am sorry. All this worry for nothing…"

She trailed off as the doctor came back into the room with some papers. "Okay, Agent DiNozzo, if you could just sign here, we'll get Penelope some antibiotics to take for the next seven days and you can be on your way," he announced brightly.

Tony signed the papers, and then looked at the folder underneath the form. "That Penny's file?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."

"It's got her contact details in? Next of kin and that stuff?" Tony continued.

"Yes, sir. Have any of your details changed that we need to be aware of?" he asked.

"Yeah, actually," Tony said, indicating to Ziva, who stood by his side, playing with the tiny hand that Penny reached out to her with. "This is Officer Ziva David. She was the one that brought my daughter in this morning."

"Yes, we met earlier," the doctor nodded to her.

"I want her added into the file," Tony demanded.

"As a next of kin?"

The sudden burning in Tony's eyes as he made his demands was strange to watch. Obviously, Ziva had seen him at all heights of fury and anger with their line of work, especially in the past year, but there was almost a possessiveness, a fierce sense of defending one's territory in his voice. "As whatever she needs to be so that the next time my daughter's in the emergency room and I can't be reached, at least Ziva will be allowed and sit with her so she won't be scared. Because when you trust somebody enough to take care of your child, you'd like to think that the doctors can do the same," he half-growled.

"Of course, sir," the doctor nodded. "If you'd like to leave the details at the front desk we'll have the details added to your daughter's file immediately."

As Tony put an arm around her to indicate their leaving, she found that after his display a moment before, she couldn't even be mad at him for being unreachable anymore.

\----------

Ziva drove home, and Tony didn't once complain, even when she forgot herself for a moment and took a corner too sharp. When they got home, Penny was asleep, so he took her upstairs and tucked her into her bed. The dog followed obediently, obviously glad that his favourite person was home after everyone had left the house very quickly. Ziva went upstairs a while later to find Tony sitting at the end of the bed, his feet crossed beneath him as he watched Penny sleeping. Chase was curled up in his lap, and he was absent-mindedly stroking the puppy's head. She came up beside him, bringing him a glass of water.

He took it from her, drinking some as Ziva settled another cup of water beside Penny's bed for the young girl when she woke. "I am sorry to have worried you today," Ziva whispered afterwards.

"It's okay," Tony nodded, still watching Penny.

"I just…" she sighed. "Taking care of Penny is wonderful," she told him. "She is an amazing child, a joy to be around, but when she had a fever so high and then the rash? And to not be able to reach you?" she shook her head. "I was afraid that she was very sick, Tony."

He reached out to where she was standing, taking hold of her hand in his. It was shameful to think that this was basically the most physical contact they'd had in a week, especially when he'd been willing to tear his stitches for her before. "I'm glad you worried me," he told her, looking up to meet his eyes.

"You are?" she frowned.

He nodded. "What if we'd passed this off as a cold, let her sleep it off and then it turned out to be something really serious?" he asked hypothetically.

"It was not," she assured him.

"But it could have been," he realised. It wasn't a nice thought to think about, but parents had to cope with their children become seriously ill all the time, and it was something he found himself more aware of now; the bravery of not just the children, but the parents. "I'd rather drop everything and go out of my mind over nothing than underestimate something terrible," he decided.

She moved so that she was standing behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders so that she, too, was watching over Penny. Chase sat up in Tony's lap, licking happily at her fingers. She smiled, stroking the puppy's head before he returned himself to Tony's lap. "I did not think I would see the day when you would finally enjoy Chase's company," she admitted lightly.

"Yeah, well…" he trailed off, unable to deny his smile. "Now that he's not making beds out of my shirts, he's not that bad." He heard her gentle laugh behind him, and reached up a hand, placing it over hers. "I'm sorry, Ziva," he said softly.

"Do not apologize, Tony," she scolded him.

"Forget the 'sign of weakness' crap for a second, will you?" he asked. "I broke a lot of rules this week."

"Gibbs' rules?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"There cannot have been that many," she realised.

"Never be unreachable," he said immediately. "Broke that one today. Never screw over your partner. Broke that one this entire week. I've been here less than ten hours in seven days-"

"You were working, Tony," she cut him off. "It could not have been helped."

"I'm a father, Ziva," he pointed out. "I missed a whole week of her life."

She began to gently knead the knots of tension on his shoulders, relaxing him with a sigh. "Would you like to know what it so you have missed?" she offered.

He nodded. "Please."

She moved from behind him, taking his hand again. "Come with me."

He looked at his sleeping daughter. "Ziva…"

"She has some water beside her, she is sleeping peacefully, and if she does wake for any reason we shall hear her when she calls for us," she reminded him with reassurance. "Come with me."

This time he followed her, and they went downstairs to the kitchen. He sat down at the table as she busied herself with the kettle. Minutes later, she pushed a mug in front of him, and he admired it strangely when he found it to be hot chocolate rather than his usual. "We run out of coffee?" he asked her.

"No," she said simply. "But something tells me you have been drinking enough coffee this week."

"You're probably right," he admitted, accepting the hot chocolate.

She sat down before him, holding her own mug with both hands. "What is it you would like for me to tell you?" she asked him.

"Anything," he shook his head. "Just…anything."

"Okay," she said, looking around her for a place to start, her eyes landing on the refrigerator where a scrawled coloured drawing had been pinned with several magnets. "That is a picture she drew on Tuesday. She says it is of Chase, but it looks more like a human being in my eyes…" Tony nodded, agreeing with her. "She has moved on from Cinderella and keeps wanting to watch Sleeping Beauty all the time now. Oh, and the preschool sent home a pamphlet with each other children about dance sessions in town on the weekends. I kept it because Penny seemed very excited about it and several of her friends are going along to it as well…"

As Tony sat there, listening to how much his daughter's life seemed to have changed in the past week, he couldn't help feel that if anyone had been there for it, he was glad that it was Ziva.


	44. I Want Her To Be Mine

Almost a week passed, and it was soon the weekend again. As much as Tony had promised to stay home while Penny was sick, he couldn't help that Gibbs had called him in on Friday morning. The rest of the time, however, Gibbs had been happy for him to be monitoring surveillance with Ziva; which, in Tony's head, translated as: spend time with your little girl and Ziva. So, he'd been more than happy to make up for the week that he'd spent neglecting his little family that he seemed to have built himself. Ziva was especially glad of this. It was nice to go back to how things were, to know that when things were suspiciously quiet it wasn't the source of Penny playing a one-sided game of hide and seek, but that both she and her father were sleeping, usually sprawled out in the same chair. She enjoyed hearing the little girl's giggles as Tony read all her favourite stories, putting on all the voices. She knew that Tony enjoyed it as well, which is why he couldn't deny her another reading of Tom Thumb, even though she'd asked for it twelve times already that morning alone.

On Saturday morning, he opened his eyes in surprise. For once, he seemed to have woken up before Ziva. The mornings that he had been home she had taken to going for a run, which she had not done in ages because of his overworking, and the smile he had seen on her face when she came back up the path was incredible. They'd also taken more steps in their physical relationship, especially without the restraints of his injury, which had healed nicely now. He smirked to himself - it was no wonder she was sleeping, they had definitely worn each other the night before. Still, despite their new found passion, both of them were wearing their nightclothes, Ziva a simple nightgown while Tony opted for his sweatpants, because Penny had reclaimed her habit of sneaking into bed with them in the middle of the night, one of her comforts when she was sick.

He placed a gentle kiss on Ziva's lips, and she moaned in her sleep, rolling over in the blankets. He smiled, hearing her gentle snores starting up again once she had settled. There was a time she'd have rolled over and held a gun to him for doing something like that…good thing they trusted each other more now. He decided he should get up, making breakfast for Ziva and Penny, seeing as Ziva had made breakfast perhaps every morning since they first started working undercover. Yeah, he owed her. Besides, that's what people did, right? They made breakfast for the woman they loved. That's what they did in the movies, anyhow.

As he passed Penny's bedroom, he heard movement within, and stuck his head through the door to check in on her. She was sat crossed legged on the floor, playing with two of her dolls, singing softly to them as Chase sat at her side, watching the dolls as if to ask whether or not he could take them and bury them in the garden. After watching her for a moment, he realised the song she was whispering to her dolls was a badly pronounced version of the Hebrew song he often overheard Ziva teaching her. He smiled to himself, glad that she was starting to act more like herself. In the first days of her illness, there had been lots of sleeping and whining, and he had ended up putting the oven gloves on her hands to try and stop her itching at her rash. She'd only responded by rubbing her arms against any possible surface that might ease her itchiness. Now, as the days had gone on, she'd started to want to play more, and her energy was coming back to her as well.

"Hey, princess," he whispered into the bedroom loudly.

At his voice, she looked up, jumping up when she saw who it was. "Daddy!" she said brightly, more than happy to be lifted into his arms.

"You're up early," he noticed.

"Not tired no more," she said simply.

"In that case, how about we go make some breakfast?" he asked her.

She nodded eagerly. "Yeah!"

"Shh!" he said quickly, putting his finger against his lips, an action that she copied. "Ziva's still sleeping."

"Okay," Penny whispered back.

They went downstairs, into the kitchen where Tony started to prepare a nice weekend morning breakfast for them, a break in the usual routine of cereal and toast. Penny was still holding her dolls, and began to play with them where she sat at the kitchen table for a while, continuing to sing the Hebrew song, or rather, follow the tune to it with mumbles. "Daddy, we live here forever now?" she asked him suddenly.

"Just for a while, hon," he explained. "Then we'll go back to our old apartment."

"Why?"

"Because some new people will come and live in this house."

Her face fell. "But I like this house," she told him.

"I know, babe, but you like our old house too, don't you?" he reminded her.

"This one's got more rooms in it," she pointed out.

"We've got enough room back home," he told her.

"We don't got Ziva back home."

He turned away from the saucepan, currently scrambling eggs, to look at her. She looked up at him with those persuasive eyes. "That's what this is about, huh?" he realised quietly. "You wanna carry on living with Ziva."

"Do you like Ziva?" she asked.

"Of course, I like Ziva," he smiled, going back to his eggs.

"How much?"

"Does it matter?" he asked.

Penny nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay," he surrendered. "Well, I like her a lot."

"Do you like her lots enough to make her my new mommy?" Penny asked softly.

Tony was stunned for a moment. "Why do you ask that?" he asked calmly, even though his heart had started pounding in his chest.

"Because Sarah at preschool has got two mommies. She lives with one mommy on school days and one new mommy with her daddy when its not school days," Penny explained.

Aha, he realised. The step-mother scenario. "Well, I'm sure Sarah's very lucky to have two mommies that love her," he said, trying to keep a handle on the situation as well as the saucepan.

"But I live with Ziva all the time now," she continued. "Does that mean she's my mommy?"

Tony turned down the heat on the eggs, leaving them on the stove as he went over to Penny's side. He crouched down beside her chair, making sure that he had her full attention before he spoke gently to her. "Penny, your mother will always be your mother," he told her. "Just because she isn't here with us anymore doesn't change that. Your mommy's an angel, and she'll always be watching over you."

"Why can't I have an angel-mommy and a here-mommy?" she asked.

Tony sighed, looking up at his daughter's pout. This was more than a 'daddy, I want one' conversation though. She wasn't looking into a store window begging him for a new toy. She was asking something much more of him, the one thing that he wasn't entirely sure he could give her. "You miss having a mom, don't you?" he realised, stroking her hair.

Penny nodded. "But we got Ziva now."

"Yeah, we do," he nodded.

"Why can't Ziva be my mommy?" she asked.

"Penny-"

"I like her and you like her too and she likes us!" she told him quickly. "Why can't she be my mommy?"

Tony looked at her, shaking his head softly. "It isn't that simple, baby."

"But I want her to be," she argued back.

Tony was stunned for a moment, especially at her determination. A stubborn expression settled on his daughter's face. He knew that look; she'd made up her mind. He knew what she was like when she'd made up her mind. But this wasn't deciding what t-shirt to wear to preschool or what she wanted for dinner. This was a mother. And she wanted Ziva to be that mother.

"Penny, this isn't just about what we want," he explained to her. "It's about Ziva, too."

Penny frowned. "Won't Ziva want to be my mommy?"

"Isn't it enough that we have Ziva close to us all the time?" he asked her hopefully. "We're very lucky to have somebody as nice as Ziva as our friend."

"I don't want her to be my friend," Penny decided. "I want her to be my mommy."

"This isn't something we can just decide," he told her. "This is something we'll have to have a talk about. You know when we sat down together and we had an important talk about preschool?" he reminded her.

She huffed. "No talk," she complained. After all, the last time she'd had 'a talk' she'd ended up with going to preschool. "Can't we just use magic?" she asked.

Tony held back a sigh, silently damning Disney for giving her unrealistic expectations about life. "I'll tell you what," he suggested. "Why don't I talk to Ziva about it?"

Penny just returned to the table, playing with her dolls once again, this time with less enthusiasm and certainly no singing. Tony watched her for a few seconds before accepting that he'd lost her attention and returned to the eggs on the stove. He no longer felt as settled as he did when he first awoke. All of a sudden, his very little girl was asking some very grown up questions and making some very grown up demands. It was scary, considering he'd only just set out on a relationship with Ziva, and after only two weeks of being able to call her his own, Penny was wanting in on that action as well.

Ziva came downstairs a while later, dressed in her usual khaki trousers and a plain t-shirt. It wasn't glamorous, but it was her down to a T, something that made Tony grin, despite himself. However, rather than looking as pleased as Tony, Ziva looked shocked when she entered the kitchen.

"You are cooking?" she asked strangely.

"Yeah," he grinned. "You hungry?"

Her surprise disappeared, and she fixed him instead with a playful smirk. "Starving," she replied simply.

"Sit down," he gestured. "It's almost done."

Ziva sat down at the table, choosing the chair beside Penny, playing with the girls hair for a moment. "Good morning, Penny, you are looking much better today," she noted, seeing how most of the spots on her face were already beginning to fade.

"Yeah," Penny nodded. "I made a de-sih-shun," she said slowly.

"Penny," Tony cut in quickly, his tone serious as he handed Ziva a mug of coffee. "Remember what we talked about."

Penny tilted her head onto one side. "Say the long word slowly and it gets easy?"

"Penny," he warned again.

"I'm a big girl, Daddy," she said. "I'm gonna be four soon, so I gotta make big girl de-sih-shuns," she told him, sounding out the longer word slowly.

"What decision is it you have made?" Ziva asked her.

Penny puffed out her chest. "I decided I want-"

"Penny," Tony interrupted. "I said I would talk to her, didn't I?"

She pouted at him. "But you won't do it right!" she whined.

"Penny-"

"You wait aaages to talk to her!" Penny cut him off. "Auntie Abby said you wait too long! If I don't ask her now someone else might ask her instead!" Tony was a little stunned at her insight, and instantly blamed Abby for his daughter's sudden intelligence in what Tony was like when it came to serious conversations. In his distraction, Penny turned to Ziva, and said rather professionally. "Ziva, will you be my new mommy?"

The coffee that had been halfway down Ziva's throat got caught, and she choked on the question a little. "Penny!" Tony scolded.

"What?" she asked innocently. "I don't want her to be someone else's mommy, I want her to be mine!"

Ziva recovered from her minor coffee-drowning incident and tried to hide her shock, something she wasn't doing a very good job of. "Penny, that is very sweet…"

"Will you?" Penny asked. "'Cause you do lots like a mommy and it's okay to have two mommies because Sarah and preschools got two mommies at the same time, so I think I'm allowed to have an angel-mommy and a here-mommy."

"Penny, I told you, it isn't as easy as that," Tony said, sitting down at the table on Penny's other side, so that he was opposite Ziva.

"Why not?" she complained.

"It just isn't."

"But we're a family!"

"Yes, we are, but-"

"Why can't Ziva be in our family?" Penny asked.

"She is, but-"

"If she's in our family then she's gotta be someone," Penny argued. "You gotta have a daddy and mommy and a baby. We haven't got a mommy for our family, daddy. We need a mommy."

Tony ran his hand over his hair, while Ziva reached out, placing her hand over Penny's. "Penny, just because your mother is an angel does not mean that she is not your mother," she explained, taking the same route Tony had.

"Why can't I have two mommies like Sarah at preschool?" she asked.

"Because each family is different," Ziva explained. "Not every family is lucky enough to have a mother and a father at the same time. Sometimes families are smaller than that."

"But I want Ziva to be my mommy!" Penny complained, turning to Tony again.

"Tony?" Ziva murmured, when her partner failed to give a response.

Eventually, he looked up. "Penny, why don't you take your dolls in the living room until breakfast's ready?" he told her.

"No," Penny said, folding her arms over her chest stubbornly. "We talking."

"Ziva and I will talk about this while you're playing," he said. Penny didn't move, and he nodded his head towards the living room. "Now, please," he requested calmly.

Penny got down from her chair, heading towards the living room with a huff that could have rivalled a teenager. When they safely heard the sound of the television, Tony sighed. "I'm sorry about this," he said, wanting nothing more than to reach across the table and take her hand, but with the cameras set up in the kitchen that was impossible without giving themselves away.

"It is okay," she nodded softly.

"If it's any consolation she kinda threw it at me out of the blue as well," he half-laughed.

"I thought she might have," she smirked. "You do realise that whoever is watching the live feeds may have heard this?" she pointed out.

He nodded with a sigh. "Which means if we don't sort this out now, we'll only be forced to later."

"Yes," she agreed.

They fell into a silence, and Tony ran his hands through his short hair again. "Right…I don't even know where to start with this," he said after a moment with no words.

"Penny wants a mother, Tony," she stated simply. "It is only natural."

"I guess it's only natural that she wants it to be you, as well," he realised.

Ziva gave him a smile, not the biggest smile in the world, but one that made him feel warm inside all the same. "I adore Penny, Tony," she told him. "I wish for you to know that I feel very lucky to be a part of her life. I did not have much of a family life of my own when I was younger, but with you and Penny that changes for me. It may not be a conventional family, but it feels like a family all the same."

He nodded. "And like I said the other night, I'm glad that Penny trusts you enough to consider you in that way. I wouldn't want it to be anybody else."

"This is still your decision to make," she reminded him. "You are her father and this is your choice, and I will understand-"

"-if I was to maybe swing in Penny's favour?" he finished for her.

"You understand what that would mean?" she asked hesitantly.

He nodded, keeping his eyes on her, fixing her with such an intense stare that it sent shivers down her spine. "Yeah, I do."

"It is a big decision to make, Tony."

"No bigger than the decision I made to actually stop avoiding the conversation we had last week," he pointed out. The conversation where I told you that I loved you, his mind added.

Ziva nodded. "So, that is your choice?"

"You're okay with that?" he checked.

"If Penny is okay with this, then yes, I am," she nodded again.

Tony sighed, this time one of relief that they had actually come to a decision, rather than creating a conflict. "Okay."

\------

When Tony called Penny back into the kitchen for her breakfast, she was silent. She crawled back into her chair, starting to eat the plate of toast and eggs that was put before her. Tony and Ziva also had a plate of breakfast before them, however, they weren't eating there's, they were just watching Penny; waiting for her to spring into a round of questions that never came. After Penny had eaten half of a piece of toast, she looked back at them curiously, finally noticing how they were watching her. Tony put his hand on the table near her. "Penny, Ziva and I talked about you wanting her to your mom," he told her.

Penny looked hopeful. "Did she say 'yes'?" she asked brightly.

Tony looked at her awkwardly. "Penny, having an angel-mommy and a here-mommy can be very hard, especially when you're very little."

"Did she say 'no'?" Penny asked, not liking her father's tone of voice. Her face fell, and she looked at Ziva with a heartbroken expression. "Don't you wanna be my mommy?"

Ziva took Penny's hand in her own, giving her a smile. "Penny, what your father means is that he does not want you to forget your mother, even though she cannot be here with you."

"But I don't forget her!" Penny assured them. "Not ever."

"And we don't want that to happen," Tony told her. "So we had another idea."

Penny looked at him hesitantly, thinking this over for a moment. "Do I still get a mommy in this idea?" she asked suspiciously.

"Kind of," Tony nodded. "You see, mommies and daddies aren't always called mommy and daddy."

"Why not?"

"Because in different places they talk in different languages , so they have different words for mommies and daddies."

"What do they call them?" Penny asked.

"Well, in Israel, where Ziva comes from, they say 'Aba' instead of daddy and 'Ima' instead of mommy."

Penny frowned in confusion, looking at Ziva. "An Ima is a mommy, too?" she asked.

Ziva nodded. "Yes."

"We thought it might be a bit confusing for you to have two mommies," Tony told her. "So, if you want, you can call Ziva your Ima and still have your angel-mommy being your mom," he explained. "How does that sound?"

"But an Ima's still a mommy?"

"Yes, tateleh," Ziva assured her once more.

Penny seemed to think about this for a long time, and then she nodded. "'kay," she said simply.

"Okay," Tony repeated, sharing a quick look with Ziva at how easy that had gone compared to the original conversation. "Right."

"Okay," Ziva also said.

They went back to their breakfast, talking about nothing in particular. Nobody really knew what to say after a conversation like that, and Penny was just please that she'd gotten her own way. After a while, Penny looked up, grinning just like her father through a mouthful of scrambled eggs. "Wait 'til I tell Tasha that I got a mommy AND an Ima," she said. "Ima's are much better than new bikes!"

\-------

The following week, Tony was back at work as usual. Penny was going to go back to preschool as well that week, as her spots had faded, but in the morning she was due to return she was still rather lethargic so they had kept her home for one more day, just to be safe. Penny soon became restless at home, however, wanting to go and play at preschool, but since she couldn't she didn't know what to do with herself. To start with, Ziva had managed to occupy her most of the time, but a lot of the time Penny would just follow her, trying to copy her every moment, with the dog following faithfully behind her. Eventually, Ziva decided to treat Penny by taking her to see everyone at NCIS. Abby had been at a doctors appointment, however, and the others were out at the crime scene following up on a lead, so they were waiting in the bullpen for them to arrive back. Penny used her regained energy to start treating Tony's filing cabinet like a mountain.

Seeing the dangerous climbing mission, Ziva quickly lifted her away from it. "Penny, no, you will hurt yourself if you fall," she warned.

"Where's Daddy?" she asked impatiently.

"He is not back yet," she explained.

"When is he back?" she asked.

"Soon, tateleh," she assured the young girl. "Shall we do some drawing until he returns?"

Penny shook her head. "I wanna see Daddy."

Ziva sighed, trying to think of something to occupy Penny until Tony returned. "As it such a nice day, how about we go and wait down by the garage for him, yes?" she suggested.

Penny nodded eagerly. "Yeah!"

So they went outside the NCIS building. The weather was definitely working in their advantage; spring was in it's peak, so all the flowers were out in full bloom in the displays. They chose to sit on a rather small wall, about two feet high, looking at the flowers behind them. Given her new climbing obsession, Ziva made sure to keep a tight hold on Penny to ensure that she didn't fall. Eventually, a familiar car came around the corner, and Ziva pointed it out. Penny got excited to see they had returned and with Ziva's help, stood up on the wall. She waved as Tony got out of the car and when he waved back she went to jump down. Quickly, Ziva grasped her, telling her that Tony would come to her so that she didn't fall and hurt herself.

But one more time, just as Tony was within her grasp, Penny tried to break free from Ziva once more. With the sudden burst, Ziva was caught off guard, and Penny stumbled off the edge of the wall, knocking against the brickwork as she slipped. Panicking, Ziva reached for Penny, as did Tony, but they were both too late to restrict their hold and prevent her from falling. Penny slipped, hitting the ground with a painful scream.


	45. You Did It

It was only in the stairwell that Ziva realised her hands were trembling. When was the last time her hands had trembled? The only time she could remember paying so much attention to the tremors was when she had stood over her first mark after becoming an assassin. The other agents had made remarks about her job description, but at seventeen years old she'd not believed them, so she'd not paid any attention to them calling her Daddy's Deadly Damsel. She remembered standing over the man's body, a paedophile who she'd had to get too close to during her mission (not too close to become his next target, of course), and thinking that although he deserved death, she did not believe that she deserved to be the one to take it from him. She thought that this privilege lied with the families of the girls who had been abused by this awful man, with the girls themselves, who would never entirely recover from what was done to them. Her hands had trembled so much that she had almost dropped her weapon. Almost.

Now, she almost fell down the bottom step because her hands were shaking so much that she hadn't gripped the banister properly. Tony was carrying a screaming Penny against his chest, holding her in place as he took the stairs two, three at a time. He hadn't bothered with waiting for the elevator. They went down to autopsy, only discovering when it could have been too late that luckily there was no body on display. Leanne Holloway's body was still inside on of the drawers on the far side of the room, but thankfully the door had been closed and there was nothing disturbing for Penny to see. Tony rushed into the room, Ziva following rather awkwardly; she didn't feel like she should be there, not after what she had done. She'd basically dropped her. Why hadn't she reacted sooner? She'd been right beside her, trying to make sure that she didn't fall, but she still fell. Why hadn't she moved faster?

"Ducky!" Tony called, noticing that the elder man was just shedding his blue autopsy attire.

"Good lord," he exclaimed, seeing the screaming girl in Tony's arms and frowning. "Whatever happened?"

"She slipped off the wall," Tony explained quickly.

No, she didn't, Ziva thought. I dropped her. I did not react fast enough. I allowed this to happen…

"Bring her over," Ducky instructed. Tony sat down on the clean autopsy table, with Penny still held against his front. "Did she hit her head?" Ducky asked immediately, trying to examine the squirming Penny.

"No," Tony shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I don't know." He looked at his side, Ziva appearing beside him. "Ziva?" he asked, a hint of desperation in his tone.

She also shook her head. "No. She landed on her back but did not hit her head."

"Good, that's very good," Ducky assured them. "Let us take a look at her back…" He went to lift her long-sleeved t-shirt, but Penny screamed, a loud, shrill sound that cut through all of them, and clung closer, as if to shrink away from Ducky.

"Shh, it's okay," Tony assured her, holding her head against his shoulder and stroking her hair. "Daddy's here," he told her.

"Hurts!" Penny cried.

"We need to take this shirt off, Anthony," Ducky told him grimly, knowing how much pain it was going to cause her. "Keep talking to her, see if you can get her to focus on you rather than the pain."

He leaned his lips against her ear, speaking in reassuring whispers, even though Ziva could detect the underlying worry in his tone. To a child, his words were nothing more than comfort, but to an adult one could see that he was also assuring himself. "Penny, listen to daddy-" he told her.

"Daddy," she sobbed, tightening her arms around his neck.

"That's right, baby," he stroked her hair. "I'm here. Daddy's got you. I've got you."

Penny lifted her head from his shoulder a little, revealing the tears covering her cheeks. "Ima," she croaked.

"She's right here, princess," Tony assured her, looking to his other side whilst trying to keep Penny still. Ziva was frozen at his side, looking at the little girl with guilt all over face. "Ziva," he said, attracting her attention. "Ziva, let her know you're here," he told her.

She stepped towards him, standing almost flush against Tony as she leaned close to Penny, kissing her head before taking over stroking her hair. "I am here, tateleh," she told her. "Your father and I are here."

"Okay, princess?" Tony whispered. "We're both here. We're right here."

Ducky looked at them, nodding to himself. "If we can get this shirt off quickly…" he said to himself. "Perhaps you could hold her and get her to lift her arms, being ready to comfort her afterwards, of course…"

Tony nodded. "Penny, we've got to take your shirt off, okay?"

She curled against him as he tried to pull her away from him a little. "No," she shook her head, wiping her tears on his shoulder in the process.

"Yes," he said, making sure his tone was still comforting. "Real quick, I promise. Real quick." She allowed herself to be sat up, and Tony smiled at her, giving her a kiss. "That's it, baby. Good girl. Look, Uncle Ducky's here," he showed her, indicating over her shoulder. Penny looked at him. "Uncle Ducky's here and he's going to make it all better."

"Yes, Penny," Ducky smiled at her. "Do you think you could be a very brave girl for me while I take a look at your back?" Penny sniffed after a sob, nodding to him wordlessly. "I am sure you can be, you are a very brave girl, aren't you?" Penny nodded again.

They managed to peel the shirt off of her quickly enough, but Penny still screamed at the action, throwing herself at Tony the moment the shirt was off. He made sure not to touch her back, having looked over her shoulder to see what had happened to it. A large, angry looking graze covered most of her back. It wasn't deep, but it looks painful, and no doubt with her shirt irritating it by brushing against it she had been in a lot of pain. It wasn't bleeding, which reassured Tony slightly, but seeing marks like that on his daughter's skin still made his stomach churn. He made sure not to touch it, placing one hand on the back of her head and the other at the very bottom of her back. Ziva also moved to comfort the new wave of cries, placing a hand on Penny's thigh as well as clasping Penny's hands where they were linked at the back of Tony's neck.

"Oh dear," Ducky murmured.

"What?" Tony asked.

"She must have scraped her back against the wall," he observed. "Yes, this looks quite painful, indeed."

"She'll be okay though, right?" Tony checked. "If it's just a graze?"

Ducky nodded. "As long as you keep this very clean and prevent it from becoming irritated, yes," he assured him. "I'll clean it now to ensure that there's no germs in there and we'll get it covered so she won't be in too much pain."

"Daddy…" Penny sobbed, raising her head.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Daddy, hurts," she complained.

"I know, sweetheart. But you've been very brave for Uncle Ducky. Such a good, brave girl."

Penny nodded, and went back to holding herself against Tony. Ziva bit her lip, guilt flooding her once again. She wouldn't be in that pain if she had reacted sooner. She could have caught her, and she wouldn't be in pain at all. "Tony…" she whispered, repeating it when her faint sound was lost underneath Penny's cries. "Tony…I am so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," he assured her, but the fact that he could not even look up from Penny to tell her that told her otherwise.

"I should have caught her," she rambled. "I should-"

"We both tried," he assured her. "We…" he sighed, taking one of her hands and holding it in his. It was a bold move, considering they were at work and they most definitely weren't alone, but the action was clearly needed. He looked down at their clasped hands. "These things happen," he shrugged.

"I should have been watching her," she argued. "I should have seen-"

"You were watching her, I saw you," he pointed out. "These things happen with kids. It's not fun and it's not nice, but it happens. Kids trip, and they get scrapes and bruises." He chose this perfect moment to look up at her, catching her gaze so that she had no doubt about his next words. "I don't blame you, okay?" he assured her.

She simply nodded, the intensity of his stare giving her the truth of his words. He put his arm around her shoulders, bringing her into the embrace that he was sharing with Penny. She stiffened for a moment, but allowed herself to relax. "We are at work, Tony," she murmured to him, feeling his hand settle on her hip, the other arm still cradling his daughter protectively.

"I don't care," he whispered.

Before she could respond, Ducky came back over ready to clean out Penny's wound. He stopped for a moment, noticing how easily the three were entwined together. He smiled when both Tony and Ziva kissed Penny's forehead in a quick succession of each other without thinking about it. It was sweet, really, and he couldn't help but think that maybe Tony had been successful in the conversation he just 'had' to be home for the other week.

\---------

Later that afternoon, Tony found himself lying on the couch. Penny was lying on her stomach, keeping her off of her back, and she'd been napping for the past hour. She'd been crying and in so much pain from cleaning the graze out that she'd ended up making herself sick down in autopsy, so Ducky had ordered them to take her to the emergency room just in case she had hit her head and nobody had spotted it. The doctors assured them that she was fine, however, and had just given them the same advice that Ducky had given them, so they had brought her home once more. Now, she was exhausted, and sleeping peacefully in her father's arms. Ziva had been sorting out the laundry, pleased that she had been able to get the scraped dirt marks off of Penny's favourite shirt, and now brought Tony a coffee into the living room.

"Thanks," he said softly, as she set it own on the coffee table.

"You are welcome," she replied, just as quietly as she held her own coffee. "She is still sleeping?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'll wake her up in a while for dinner, though, otherwise she won't sleep tonight and that won't end well for any of us."

"I thought we could order in tonight, as a treat for her," Ziva suggested. "Some pizza, maybe?"

He grinned. "Her favourite," he noted. Not just Penny's favourite either, she thought to herself, his grin proved that. "Yeah, she'd like that."

Ziva knelt beside the couch, tracing her fingertips over Penny's sleeping face. He'd had to have been blind not to see the saddened expression on her face. His hand came up on a similar position to the one she had with Penny, settling on her neck with his thumb tracing her jaw line. He wasn't stupid, he knew that were being watched, but he'd also had the added bonus of knowing exactly what angles the cameras covered, and with her back to the camera and her long hair down over her shoulders, the others wouldn't see his hand placement. "You okay?" he asked her softly.

"Fine," she said offhandedly.

"Ziva…" he urged, seeing straight through her words.

She sighed, leaning into his touch a little. "Perhaps Penny made a mistake in asking me to be her Ima," she mused.

"Ziva, don't think like that," he told her.

"You trusted me with your daughter and she was hurt while in my care-"

"What happened today was an accident," he cut her off firmly.

"One that could have been prevented," she shot back at him.

"You're telling me that you didn't have your share of falling off walls and out of trees when you were a kid?" he asked her.

At that, her lips curled a little. "Only once," she remembered.

"Well, there you go then," he pointed out. "This is Penny's 'once'." Ziva was silent, watching as Penny's back rose up and down with her breathing. "Hey, look at me," he said, raising her face to his. "I love you, okay?" he said, his voice so quiet that it was basically a breath, thankfully one that wouldn't be picked up by the cameras, but she smiled at it all the same. "I don't blame you for this, okay?" he assured her for the second time.

She nodded, getting to her feet. She knew if she didn't step away from him at that moment she'd have ended up kissing him, and they had to be careful still. "I shall get her a glass of water," she explained, seeing his strange expression when she released herself from his hold. "No doubt she will be thirsty when she wakes."

As Ziva left, Penny began to stir. She was tempted to go back, see for herself that Penny was most definitely fine, but she knew that as special as she was to Penny, she would want her father when she woke up. She went into the kitchen, taking her time getting the water to allow them their moment. Tony kissed Penny on the forehead as she woke fully.

"Hey, princess."

She took a deep, waking breath, coming to her senses more. "Dinner?" she questioned.

He laughed a little. "You must be feeling better if you're hungry," he realised. "Does your back hurt?"

"A little bit," she told him. "Not lots."

"Well, that's good," he smiled. "Do you hurt anywhere else?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

At that he panicked, terrified that they had missed something. "Can you tell me where?" he asked calmly.

"My tummy hurts 'cause I'm hungry," she told him.

He released the breath he had been holding. "We're going to have some pizza tonight, how does that sound?" he suggested.

"Good," she told him. "Was I brave today?" she asked after a moment.

"Oh yeah," he assured her quickly. "Really brave!"

"Lots brave?"

He nodded. "A lot braver than I would have been."

At this, Penny's eyes widened, looking at him in awe. "Braver than you?"

He mimicked her look, causing her to laugh a little at him. "Yeah, a lot braver," he confirmed. "So brave, that I think your Uncle Gibbs might make you a proper special agent."

Penny looked pleased, but then she frowned hard. "But I made everyone worry lots," she told him.

"That's okay," he said.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Hey," he said, reaching up and playing with some of her hair. "You don't ever have to be sorry for making me worry, okay?"

"Really?"

He nodded. "I just don't like seeing my baby girl crying."

Penny was quiet at this, and Tony decided to just enjoy the moment instead. Ziva returned from the kitchen, but remained in the doorway, unseen by father and daughter so not to interrupt their moment. Penny was still draped over Tony's chest, sitting over him and using her arms to keep herself up. She'd never told anyone this, but seeing the two interact in moment like this was something she treasured. It was so nice to see the side of them both that neither of them allowed the others to see that often.

"I like that I live with you now, daddy," Penny told him.

Tony smiled, springing one of her curls between his fingers. "I like that you live with me, too."

"I think you're the bestest daddy in the whole wide world," she told him.

Ziva could see Tony's face from where she stood, watching as his entire face swelled with pride at that. "Really?" he asked her, grinning uncontrollably.

"Yeah," she giggled.

"And what does the bestest daddy in the world gotta be like?" he asked her.

"Dunno," she answered, scrunching up her face as she thought about it. "Just like you."

"Thanks, princess," he smiled.

"Love you, daddy," she mumbled, laying back down against him so that her hair tickled the base of his throat.

Tony moved, sitting up properly with her in his arms so that she wasn't tempted to fall asleep again. As he settled, his daughter's body moulding perfectly into his embrace, he came to a sudden realisation. This little girl, his little girl, had done nothing more than capture his affections in the quickest way possible. His daughter loved him. His daughter enjoyed being with him, she liked that she got to live with him, she was happy, even though she'd lost her mother, because she loved her daddy. He'd never even considered being a father before she'd come into his life; pregnancy scares with girlfriends were something that happened to other people, never to him. Now, suddenly, being a father was the only thing he wanted to do. He wanted to be there for his daughter, he wanted to spend every day with her, watching her grow up into the incredibly beautiful woman she was no doubt going to be come. He wanted to let her know that he was always going to be there for her, always have time for her, always take her to the park when he didn't have to work, always be at her school plays and parents night, even when he did have to work.

At first, he'd thought it was curiosity making him check in on how she was doing, what she was up to, what she was drawing, what her favourite colour was…then, as the days and months passed, he couldn't deny that it was a real interest that he was discovering. He wanted to know why she like drawing dogs more than she liked drawing cats. He wanted to know why she liked to play with the bubbles in the bath between shampooing and conditioning her hair. He wanted to know why the smell of fabric softener always made her smile and sniff the sleeves of her shirt. He couldn't deny that he'd fallen in love with his daughter, he just hadn't been able to say it to her.

When she smiled, he smiled, even though the two of them had struggled together, more so than usual on some days, to get used to their new lives fused together. When she cried, he felt like something inside his heart, something that hadn't been there before, was breaking in two. He'd be willing to go to the ends of the earth to stop her tears, especially the painful cries he'd heard from her today. When she was scared, he wanted nothing more than to gather her up in his arms, to hold her, and show her that as long as he was there she had no reason to be afraid, because he was going to protect her for as long as he lived.

He snapped back into the here and now, away from thoughts that flooded him with dangerous levels of emotion. In a way much unlike his regular self, the shimmering residue of tears began to cloud his vision, but he could still clearly see the watching eyes of his daughter looking up at him. The way she was watching him scared him a little, the gaze of a child giving him the same expression he'd once given to his own parents, no doubt. It was the expectance, the 'what next?'; waiting for guidance, wanting to know everything he had to offer, because even though he had failed that day to stop her coming to harm, he was still the guider, the protector, the father, and in her eyes, daddy knew everything.

Penny's eyes were unmoving as she looked up at him, a hopeful, yet dejected expression on her face. He realised it was only a matter of time that she started to realise that he never told her that he loved her back. She was waiting now, hoping that he would respond to her declaration, just like she did every time she told him that she loved him, just like any child would. It was how a child learned to love, after all, by receiving. It was how they learned to give love. Yet, every passing day that Tony was unable to say it to her was just increasing the rejection that would one day make itself known. And he didn't want that for her. Not just because he'd been scared.

Tony closed his arms tighter around her again, bringing her into a tight hug. "I love you, Penny," he told her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Daddy loves you lots, okay?"

She nodded, hugging him tighter.

Ziva came into the living room when it had been quiet for some time. She placed the plastic cup of water beside Tony's mug of coffee, sitting down on the couch beside him. No wonder it was quiet, she realised, Penny had fallen asleep on Tony's shoulder again. When he realised she was there, Tony shook himself a little. "She's all for the pizza plan. You want the usual?" he asked. He noticed that she was looking at him strangely, and frowned. "What?"

"You did it," she observed.

"Did what?" he asked.

"You told Penny that you loved her."

Then he realised what it was, the expression on her face. Pride. Admiration. Love. He grinned back at her. "That's because I do," he told her confidently.

At this moment, it was taking all of Ziva's self-control not to kiss him. Instead, she put her hand on his shoulder, the one that wasn't being used as a pillow by the sleeping child, and rubbed it gently, hoping that her smile would say the words for her. She understood why the words 'I love you' were hard to Tony to say, because they were hard for her to say to him. She knew that she did care about him that much, but to say those words would be a level of trust that she hadn't allowed a man to have of hers since her attack from Sa'id. So she just smiled, and if her eyes gave away as much as his did, she knew there were only three words he was trying to tell her.

I love you.


	46. Haven't You Missed Me?

A few days passed, and leads began to disappear as suddenly as they had appeared in the first place. Tony made it a point to go home every night, at least to make sure that he was there to say goodnight to Penny, and then he would go and sit in the spare bedroom doubling as a surveillance room following up any possibly lead. Of course, he was fully connected to MTAC the entire time, and thanks to the shift system they had going, Jenny and Gibbs were usually the ones on shift at the time Ziva had made her third attempt to get him to stop looking at case photographs and go to bed, so they often made their own pleas with him to sleep - in the form of orders and threats. He'd make sure that the surveillance was secure for the night and follow Ziva to the bedroom. He enjoyed the bedroom with Ziva, not just for obvious reasons, but because it was one of the very few places in the house where they didn't have to worry about being caught out in their relationship. Once there, he found it impossible to switch off, even as he pulled the bedclothes over him, but all it took was Ziva's arm slinking over his stomach and her head on his chest, allowing him to relax in the aroma of the hair he loved so much, and he was able to get at least a few hours sleep.

One morning, however, Abby hobbled herself into the elevator from the lab, hitting the button for the third floor. Of course, technically she wasn't even supposed to be in the building because her maternity leave had started weeks ago. She'd chosen to keep this from everyone, including McGee, and strategically duck out of sight (which took some skill in her condition) whenever the Director walked past. First of all. Gibbs had realised, because Jenny had gone to him in an effort to get Abby to go home and keep her feet up, but she couldn't do it. Then, just as he had threatened to, he told McGee, showing him a copy of Abby's signed agreement for the starting date of her maternity leave. This had left the start of an argument brewing in the squad room as McGee waited for Gibbs to let him leave - because driving was something she had admitted to herself she couldn't do anymore. She could barely fit behind the steering wheel. But she couldn't go home when there was a case on, especially not a case like this, a case involving children.

The elevator doors opened before her and she stepped out. She wasn't able to move with her usual haste, more a fierce waddling that had the same effect of getting people to move out of her way, but there was still an extra urgency added this morning as she entered the bullpen.

McGee looked up as she entered, going over to Gibbs desk and frowning at his absence. "Abby!" McGee moaned tiredly.

"Not now, Timmy," she told him.

"You're supposed to be on maternity leave-"

"I've got work to do," she argued back.

"The doctor said it was time to be at home two weeks ago-"

She cut him off, waving something around in her hand that he couldn't make out. "And if I'd listened to the doctor I wouldn't have made this amazing discovery that Gibbs is going to love me for," she grinned.

"What's going on?" Tony asked, walking into the bullpen and noticing the forensic specialist waving her hands around.

"I found something," Abby beamed.

Tony frowned. "Are you supposed to have stopped working like a week ago?" he realised.

"Two weeks ago," McGee corrected with a nod.

Abby threw her arms to her sides. "Aren't either of you guys interested in what I found?"

"I am," Gibbs said, announcing himself as he entered the bullpen, coffee in hand. "What you got, Abs?"

"A hit," she told him.

"On?"

"The boogeyman."

On either side of her, Tony and McGee have her the strangest look while Gibbs simply paused from enjoying his coffee and stared at her. "What?" Tony asked, after a moment of confused staring.

"I got a picture good enough for an I.D. on whoever was looking through Penny's bedroom window," she explained.

"You got it?" Tony asked, grabbing for the piece of paper she was holding.

She snatched it away from him, handing it instead to Gibbs. "I was thinking about it last night and tried something new this morning and it worked!"

"We got our guy!" Tony realised.

"No, we got a guy," Gibbs said, examining the photograph. It was blurry, too much so for them to identify anyone themselves, but Abby's equipment would be able to match it for them. "Doesn't mean he's ours."

"But-"

"Yet," Gibbs finished, handing the photograph back to Abby. "Call us when you get a match, Abs. Then go home before I take you there myself."

\--------

"And Tasha's going dancing too!"

Penny's enthusiasm was impossible to miss as Ziva walked her home from preschool. Recently the rain had been taking over things, but today was almost warm enough to go without a jacket. She held Penny's hand in one of her own, and the other gripped the dog lead fiercely as Chase decided to stop and sniff at everything in his path, usually trying to rip Ziva's arm from it's socket in the process.

"I am glad," Ziva smiled down at the little girl. "It will be nice to go with all of your new friends."

"Yeah," Penny chirped, bouncing along the road beside her. "I like dancing."

"I like dancing, too," Ziva agreed.

"Really?" she asked.

"Oh, yes," she nodded. "When I was little like yourself I danced all the time."

Penny's gaze became fixed with more awe. "Did you wear pretty dresses to dance?" she asked in wonder.

She nodded again. "Many of them."

"Did everyone come and watch you?"

"Not everyone," she mused, keeping the sadness out of her voice for Penny's sake. "But some people did."

"Who?" Penny asked.

"My mother and my sister, and my favourite aunt. Sometimes even my brother," she remembered.

Penny frowned. "Not your daddy?"

"No, my father had to work a lot of the time."

She realised what she had said immediately, mainly because Penny stopped walking beside her, causing her arm to snag. She turned, and Penny looked up at her with a devastated expression. "My daddy works lots of the time," she said softly. "Does that mean he won't watch me?"

Ziva managed to control Chase long enough to bend down before Penny. "Penny, your father will always be there to watch you dance, tateleh," she smiled, stroking over her hair briefly.

"Promise?"

She nodded. "Yes, I promise." She gave her a more devilish smile afterwards. "And if he is not, we shall chase him down and paint his fingernails for him, yes?" she suggested.

"Can we paint them pink?" Penny asked.

"Yes, I think that is an excellent idea." Penny giggled at this idea, and Ziva straightened up. As she did, a man who had been walking towards her stumbled into her. "Excuse me, I was not…"

"Ziva?"

She stopped for a moment, actually seeing the person who had almost knocked her and Penny to the ground. "Adam," she said simply.

"Wow," he breathed with a laugh. "Never thought I'd bump into you around here."

"And literally, at that," she commented, attempting to keep the hostility of her voice as they were in a public place, and several of Penny's friends were on the other side of the street with their mothers.

"Yeah," he said, taking in the woman before him.

At his more than appreciative gaze, she felt a rise of hatred rise within her, remembering what this man had done to her. Cheating on her with not only one other woman, but three. She had rather hoped that one of these woman had less self-control than she did and had found out about his adultery and killed him where he stood, but apparently life could only be so kind. "What are you doing here?" she asked him impatiently when his gaze started to make her feel uncomfortable.

"I live out here," he said simply.

She had been to Adam's house, and Adam's house was nowhere near where they were now. "You do?"

"A couple of blocks over," he explained. "I've just come back from a four month tour in Afghanistan and…you really don't care about this, do you?" he realised.

"Not particularly," she admitted. "In fact, I should be getting home. I have dinner to be making."

At that point, Penny decided to make her presence known, staring up at Adam with all her father's personality towards the man. "Yeah, we're having laaaasssssaaaaaannnnyaaa," she teased, drawing the word out as if to wind Adam up.

"Wow, that sounds delicious," Adam grinned to her. "Feel like sharing?"

"Not with you," Penny said bluntly.

"Penny," Ziva scolded lightly. "That was not a very nice thing to say, was it?"

"You're not being nice!" Penny pointed out to her.

"Penny?" Adam questioned, observing her carefully. "This is DiNozzo's daughter?" He bent down a little as if to speak more directly to her, but Chase growled at him, making him back up. Ziva just smiled at the animal.

"Yes," she said simply, patting Chase's head to reward him.

"Thought I recognised her," he mused, glaring at the dog.

"Well, we must be going-" Ziva announced, starting to walk past him, but he didn't move.

"You can't stop for a chat?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

"Shame," he smiled lightly, looking her over once again. "You look good, Ziva. Really, it's good to see you again."

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I wish I could return the sentiments."

"I don't look good?" he asked, looking down at himself.

"It is not good to see you again," she corrected. "Far from it, in fact."

He sighed. "I know we ended on bad terms-"

She shook her head at him. "There are no pleasantries for lairs and cheats, Adam."

"Yeah, I suck, I get that," he said, actually waving off what he had done as if it were a usual occurrence. "I'd like it if we could be friends, though. I missed you."

She laughed at that, not even giving him an answer. "I need to be going."

"So, that's a no?" he asked.

"Yes, it is a no. A very final no."

He looked sheepishly at her. "If it's a no to friendship, I assume it's a no to dinner as well?" he tempted her.

She looked at him incredulously, but thankfully Penny was there with the save line. "Ziva has dinner with us now," she teased him.

"Does she now?" he asked her.

"Yeah," Penny told him ignorantly. "All of the nights."

"The offer would be kind coming from anybody else, but I would not like to have dinner with you," Ziva snapped at Adam before he could talk back to the child, ending in an argument that Penny would probably win. "What happened between us, what you did to me…that does not end in friendship. It does not even end in an acquaintance."

"Right," he mumbled.

"Now, I really must be going," she said again, pushing past him.

"Don't go," he said quickly, reaching to grab her arm. Luckily, she saw this action and glared at him, making him drop his hand. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I just…I really missed you, Ziva. Haven't you missed me?"

"Not once," she answered without hesitation. "Goodbye, Adam."

"Ziva-"

"Come on, Penny," she said, not looking back as they continued to walk home.

Penny looked back over her shoulder as they walked. "I don't like that man, Ima," she announced.

"We shall not see him again, tateleh," she assured her.

\-----------

Abby hadn't gone home like she promised, but she had surrendered herself to her chair, wheeling herself around the lab because her feet were killing her even in her sneakers. She'd been sitting in silence, well, with just her music to accompany her, for hours now, and eventually the machine dinged for a match. A man's face came up on the screen, and Abby fought back from squealing - mainly because she was looking into the photographed eyes of the man who had been staring into Tony's daughter's bedroom window. She printed the paper and hobbled back up to the bullpen with it.

"Gibbs!" she cried as she reached the others. "I got a hit!"

Tony stood up, almost falling over his desk in an attempt to see the picture she was taking over to Gibbs' desk. "Who? Who was it?"

"A Navy Lieutenant," she said. "I recognise his name, Gibbs."

"From where?" he asked.

"I don't know, but that's bad, right?" she asked. "It means this could be personal?"

"That wouldn't explain the deaths, but it'd explain him being at the window. Let's see."

She put the photograph down on the table for them all to see. Dark, cropped hair and matching dark eyes stared back at them. Tony froze, although his hands felt like they were trembling. "Isn't that…?" McGee asked, trailing off when he saw Tony's posture.

"Oh, shit," he mumbled.

\-----------

The worst part, was knowing that he had to tell her. It was easy to go home and pretend that it was just another day the office, following cold leads. It was easy to help set up for dinner, being home considerably early because Gibbs had put him on protection detail. Yes, those things were easy. It would be hard, though, to tell Ziva that they had figured out what was going on, and that the reason he was home early wasn't because Gibbs was in a good mood. But he made it easy for them to sit down and dinner and talk about anything other than the case. Not easy enough, though, apparently.

"Tony, are you sure you're feeling okay?" Ziva asked, putting her hand underneath the table and touching it to his. It was a simple act, one that wouldn't be known to anyone but them, and he turned his hand over, enclosing it around hers.

"Yeah, I'm great," he lied.

"You look exhausted," she noted.

He sighed, and she took this as a surrender rather than the relief he felt at her mistaking his nerves at telling her for a need for rest. He decided to play on that for now. "I didn't sleep much last night, and today was longer than I wanted it to be," he said.

"Then perhaps you should not spend all night watching Magnum re-runs again and come to bed," she suggested.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I guess I could go for an early night. To uh…catch up on some sleep," he said, smirking.

She shrugged innocently, turning back to her dinner. "I cannot imagine what else you would be doing in there," she covered.

Penny looked up from her dinner, pushing some of the peas around on her plate in an attempt not to eat them. "Daddy, remember the nasty man?" she asked.

"Which nasty man, princess?" he asked, raising his fork.

"The nasty man who made Ziva said."

Knowing exactly which nasty man she meant, he fought not to choke on his mouthful of mashed potato. "Oh yeah, what about him?" he asked, almost too casually.

"I don't like him," Penny told him.

"Neither do I," he agreed.

"He's not a very nice man," she continued.

"No, he's not." Understatement of the year.

"Because it's not very nice of him to try and take Ziva away."

This time, he actually did choke. He coughed a few times before looking at Ziva. "Excuse me?!"

She shook her head. "He was not trying to take me away, Tony, she is exaggerating."

"Well, what happened?" he asked.

"Chase doesn't like him either, Daddy," Penny told him.

"I should think not!" he cried, his voice rising several octaves.

"There is nothing to worry about, Tony," Ziva assured him. "We merely walked by him on the street and that was that."

"Ziva…" he began, but he stopped, remembering that Penny was still in the room.

"Yes?" she asked, following his gaze. She nodded, realising that his next words couldn't be spoken around Penny, and allowed the subject to drop.

\-------------

As darkness fell, Ziva and Penny gathered on the couch in front of the television. Sleeping Beauty sang out of the screen at them, Penny following the tune with a hum. Tony had been on the phone with Gibbs for twenty minutes now, which was rare for a phone call with the boss. They were lucky to usually last twenty seconds. Ziva kept glancing over at him, but he didn't catch her eye. He just kept pacing up and down, repeating 'yes, boss' into the phone. Eventually, he hung up and wandered over to them. He felt a little guilty for what he was about to do, and allowed himself a few seconds to appreciate the closeness of the two, curled up in front of Disney film.

"We gotta go," he interrupted after a while.

They both looked at him, and looked at him with almost matching frowns of confusion. "We have to go where?" Ziva asked.

"I'll explain later," he told them. "We just have to go and we have to go now. Come on."

Penny looked at him. "We goin' out?"

"Yeah, baby, let's get your coat on," he said, as she slipped down from the couch.

She titled her head to the side. "But it's bath time," she pointed out.

"I know, but you can have a bath at Auntie Jenny's house, okay?" he assured her.

Her face lit up at this. "We're going to Auntie Jenny's?"

"Yeah, we're going to have a sleepover," he told her, attempting to make it more exciting than it actually was. "Go upstairs and get Bertha and your shoes, okay?"

"Okay," she said.

Ziva stood up, waiting until the sound of Penny crawling up the stairs could be heard. After, she approached Tony. "What is going on?" she asked him. "Why are we going to Jenny's?"

"Look, what you said about Adam…"

She laughed. "This is about Adam? Oh, Tony, do not overreact, nothing is going to happen between Adam and I…"

He didn't match her amusement, though. "Abby got a fix on the guy who was looking through Penny's window that night," he explained.

"And what does that have to do with us seeing Adam earlier?" she asked.

"Because it was Adam," he blurted out. She stopped, her smile fading as she looked at him. "The guy looking through Penny's window, the one who took a shot at you, the serial killer…it's Adam Gellar."


	47. I Should Be Watching Your Back

The silence that fell over them in the darkness of the night covered them like a blanket. However, this blanket was not warm and comforting, it was thin and suffocating, easily breakable, but nobody seemed willing to lift the blanket and free them from the stifling silence. It would be slightly better if the room were warmer, but the drop in temperature was nothing to do with the fact that the Director's townhouse was filled with synthetic heat from the radiators. No, this iciness was radiating from a person, a person who, for the past few days, had been particularly warm and happy. Since he had returned home from work that day, Anthony DiNozzo had changed. He was completely absorbed in the case, of course, because he knew how much was at stake to begin with, particularly with his daughter being so close to the mission itself, but things had changed now.

Things had changed before, but they hadn't lead to a secure line of action. They'd discovered a man watching Penny in the middle of the night, they'd found a body, but they'd found no clues. No evidence or trace of the man who was behind this had been found. Now, it had. Now, they had a person. A person that they knew. That made it worse, really. It made it so much worse that the person who was watching his daughter, the person who had shot at Ziva, the person who had killed those people, was a person they knew. It was hard, because they hadn't seen it. Sure, he hadn't liked Adam. He'd never liked him, but he thought that was because he was dating Ziva. Adam had something he didn't. He hadn't wanted to admit it that way, so he'd denied it and insisted that the navy lieutenant was wrong for Ziva because of a number of reasons; he didn't like a particular movie or CD that she liked, he'd never been to Israel, and he didn't have as mean a kick as Ziva did were some of his more pathetic reasons. Abby had compromised him and pointed out that Adam could be a complete copy of himself and he still wouldn't be happy.

Tony remained at the window, leaning against the wall and gazing out of the glass onto the empty street below. Protection detail was more than two words to him right now, Gibbs had barely demanded it of him, it was just a given decision that Tony wasn't leaving their side. It was bad enough that they knew it was Adam, but it was even worse that he had been in contact that same day. He wasn't leaving their side. No matter where they went, he was going to follow them. He was going to protect them (although, Ziva did draw the line when he tried to follow her into the bathroom, especially since it was an en suite bathroom with no windows that had no other means of entry other than the door he was guarding). This was his family now, and he was standing by that.

On the other side of the room, Ziva lay in the double bed with Penny curled up against her. Jenny's spare room was warm, but Penny was still pressed against her as if they were sleeping in the arctic. She was fast asleep, and had been for an hour, but that didn't stop Ziva from playing with the soft strands of hair that framed her face. It had been what calmed her into sleep to begin with, rather than her asking constant questions; what was daddy looking out the window? Why are they at auntie Jenny's? Can't they go downstairs and watch a movie? Why is daddy still looking out the window? Is someone downstairs? Is someone coming over to see them? Are they having a party? Tony managed to answer all her questions in one word, never taking his gaze off the window, yet his weapon remained successfully hidden while Penny was awake. It was only once her eyes flickered closed against Ziva's chest and her breathing evened out in the now-silent room that Tony allowed his gun to be more noticeable. Ziva watched him, never taking her eyes off of him with the same determination that he gazed towards the window with. She wondered what he was waiting for, was he waiting for Adam to turn up at the Director's house.

"He will not be so foolish," she whispered aloud.

Tony looked over his shoulder for a fraction of a second before looking back out into the darkness. "What?"

"Adam. He will not be so foolish as to come here," she told him, pretending not to notice how he flinched at the name.

"He was watching us, he knows where we live," he countered, referring to the undercover house as their home with too much ease. "We can't go back there until we've caught him."

"Still, he will not come to us," she insisted. "It is not in his nature."

"Is it in his nature to stare into little girl's windows at night?" he shot back at her. "That one seemed to slip past the ninja senses, didn't it?"

"Is that what this is about?" she asked him. "You are angry because I did not see this behaviour in Adam?"

He seemed to stiffen at this, and she had the feeling she was exactly right with that one, but he still shook his head. "It's not about that," he told her, his voice dropping to a more reasonable level considering there was a sleeping child.

"Really?" she asked. "Because surely, somebody as close to him as I was should have noticed."

"You were close to him," Tony said, even though his throat closed up as he tried to speak of any way in which Adam was close to Ziva. "You wouldn't have seen that behaviour in him unless you saw it with your own eyes."

"I went to his apartment, he came to mine, and I noticed nothing out of the ordinary," she told him. "I shared a bed with him-"

He turned to look at her, his eyes flashing. "You mind if I don't think about that?" he snapped at her.

Her eyes just glared back at him, but unlike him she made sure that her voice was low and her movements were minimal. She risked waking Penny if she did. "Do not do this, Tony," she told him. "It is not me you are angry with."

"No, it's me," he groaned, turning away from her again. "I knew from the start that he wasn't right. Something wasn't right about him."

"Other than the fact that he was dating me?" she challenged. She saw his neck tense, as if he were getting ready to turn and glare at her again, but he didn't. She saw the skin around his eyes screw up, though, so she knew he was glaring at something else instead. "You were jealous, Tony, you were looking for any excuse to kick him to the ground."

"If I'd known it'd end up like this, I'd have done a lot more than kick him," he growled protectively, not bothering to deny the jealousy. It was more than obvious that he was jealous, and he could even admit it to himself. What made him angry at himself was that he knew Adam was wrong for her, he knew that Adam was going to hurt her, and he never stopped it. Sure, he threatened the guy and he sometimes got in a few jabs when he 'accidentally' dropped a file near him when he dropped by the headquarters, but did he actually go to Adam and face him about this. Of course not, because while Tony thought that Adam was his worst nightmare, Ziva thought the world of him, and who was he to deny her the chance to be happy with someone? Now he realised that it would have been a good idea all those months ago, when Ziva first came into the bullpen with the words 'I am seeing him again, the date was wonderful', to get in his car, seek the man out, and act innocent and oblivious when they were called to the site of a grisly murder of one Lieutenant Adam Gellar.

"I shouldn't have let it come to this," Tony said to himself. "I shouldn't have let him get this close."

"It was the intention of the mission, Tony," she reminded him. "There are always risks and there is always the chance of a personal vendetta. You have been the target of more than one," she pointed out, bringing back the harsh memories of pneumonic plague, being framed for murder, and the harsher pain of Jeanne accusing him of killing her father.

"Still, you're my partner," he justified. "I should be watching your back."

"And instead, you are watching the window," she pointed out.

That did the trick, and he turned away from the window to look at her. For a long while they were silent, with Tony appreciating the sight before him. He didn't appreciate sights like this as often as he should, mainly because he never got the chance; it only occurred to him how frequently he should have noticed the natural beauty of it when he knew he had more pressing matters to attend to. Like now. He knew that he should be doing his job, keeping watch, prepared for anything or anyone, but instead he was looking at the gentle ease with which his partner, no, his girlfriend, held his daughter. He paid close attention to the rhythmic rising and falling of Penny's back as she lay pressed up against her human pillow, and Ziva was more than willing to provide this comfort. She looped her arms around the child, one hand toying with the dark hair that fell loosely around her shoulders. Even while arguing a point with him, she was still able to embrace a child with a softness that seemed so natural to her, a softness that she would usually deny herself, unless she was with Penny.

"You know I've got your back, right?" he checked. "You know that?"

She nodded serenely, a small smile on her lips. "Yes, I know."

"Good," he sighed. "And you know that I love you, right?"

Her smile grew. "Sometimes I do not believe it, but that is not something I could easily forget."

The corners of his lips tugged at a smile, and even though the curve was slight, the emotion reached his eyes, cold determination replaced with a warmth of contentment. And that was enough.

For now.

\---------

Jenny approached the bedroom door, her hand poised, ready to knock and announce herself. She didn't think that barging in and having Tony shoot her in a sudden urge of protection detail gone too far was going to help matters at all. She didn't knock, however. The last three times she had been past on her check of the house had revealed all to be silent in the bedroom. She'd guessed that Ziva and Penny were sleeping and that Tony was keeping watch, but now she could hear mumbled voices from inside. Then, the voices stopped, and she leaned closer to the door to hear what was being said on the other side of the doors.

"I've got your back, right" she heard Tony say. "You know that?"

"Yes, I know," Ziva replied, with a much calmer tone than Tony's.

"Good. And you know that I love you, right?"

For a moment she thought that the hitch in her breath was going to give her away. It didn't, however. Whatever was going on inside the bedroom was obviously a lot more important to them than her standing outside the room. The feelings that were shown between the two were so obvious that McGee had written a book on them, well, partly on them, mainly on their dynamic, but she hadn't realised that they had actually admitted anything to each other. How long had this been going on? If it was before the mission begun that would explain their willingness to take on the roles they had done, but if this was a more recent development it would explain the snapping and the more understanding they had taken with each other over the past few weeks. Did anyone else know, she wondered? Gibbs can't have known, because he'd have had something to say on the matter of his favourite rule. He'd have complained to her about it, blamed her for giving them the identities she had, telling her that it was only going to lead to the inevitable situation they had found themselves in. Then he'd remind her how bad things ended between the two of them, without specifically mentioning that they were his example, and then there would be a silence and some kind of stare.

She let her hand drop to her side, assured that none of the three were in any danger that required any back up. If they were, their tones would be more urgent, less loving. They certainly wouldn't be spoken with a soft familiarity like they had been. Quietly, Jenny made her way back down the hall. She didn't know how things were going to pan out between Tony and Ziva, but she knew one thing for sure.

She didn't want to be the one who told Gibbs.

\---------

"Ziva. Ziva."

Someone was calling her name, poking her shoulder, her cheek…she was quickly aware of herself once again, although she had not been aware that she had fallen asleep in the first instance.

"Ima, wake up!"

She then realised that the person was not a very tall person, or a very old person, and that the calling was more of a loud whispering, as if she were being told a secret by a child. "Penny," she mumbled, matching the child's quiet tone as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the bedroom. There was no alarm clock in the room and it was too dark to read the clock on the wall, an inspection of her cell phone, however, told her that it was a little after one in the morning. "What is the matter?"

"Something's happening," Penny told her vaguely.

Ziva frowned, sitting up more. "What is happened?"

"Mr. Fornell's here now. He's downstairs with Uncle Gibbs and Uncle Probie."

Ziva looked around, noticing even in the dark of the room that a person was missing that had been there the last time she remembered anything. "Where is your father, Penny?" she asked.

"Outside," she said simply. "Daddy came in and said to wake you up but we had to stay here and no go outside and he made me promise not to go near the windows."

At those words, more of a ramble that reminded her of Abby, Ziva fought back a sigh. Stay away from the windows? What was that supposed to tell her other than that something was going to happen outside the house that Penny should not see? Of course, he'd have woken her up if gunshots were to be fired, so that she wouldn't wake up to a loud sound, notice her father missing, and start trying to escape the comfortable confinements of Jenny's spare bedroom. And naturally, Tony wouldn't have woken Ziva up, not if he could help it, because she'd have talked or threatened him out of whatever he was doing.

"Oh, Tony…" she muttered, getting up from the bed and going over to the window that Tony had forbidden them to look out of.

"Ima, no!" Penny told her, still using the loud whisper. "Daddy said no."

"I shall deal with your father," Ziva instructed. "Stay in the bed, Penny."

She pulled back the curtain, gazing out into the dark street below and the small band of men that were gathered on the front lawn.

\------

"So what happens now?" Tony asked.

"We wait," Gibbs said simply, as if it weren't one in the morning and they weren't all exhausted, mentally and physically, from the turn the case had taken that day.

"For what?" McGee asked.

"For something to happen."

Like that was an answer, Tony growled in his head. "We can't just wait around!" he protested. "We have to do something."

"Gellar's apartment is under surveillance by Fornell's team. He's not there and we'll know the second he gets back. The house you were using for the mission is still tied in with a direct feed to MTAC, and another team is watching that in case he shows up there. We don't know where he is now, but we'll know when he gets to his destination," Gibbs pointed out.

"Ziva gave me his old cell number," McGee offered. "We've got the number tracing, but I don't think he's using that handset anymore. He'd have changed his number if he was up to something."

"Keep tracing it, start a tap on the landline-"

"Already done, boss," McGee cut him off.

"What do we do?" Tony asked again, desperate to do something other than stare out of a window.

"You go back upstairs."

He gaped. "Boss-"

Gibbs gave him the famous stare. "Penny is safe, DiNozzo. She's safe here. Go back upstairs. You and Ziva are on protection detail."

"For Penny?" he realised.

"And each other," Gibbs said, his eyes falling on the window, nodding his head slightly to indicate to the others attention that Ziva was watching them. When Tony saw that she was awake and glaring at him in the special glare that could only be aimed at him, he looked back again quickly. "We're going to catch this guy," Gibbs assured them confidently. "But until we do, we need to up our protection detail. He's murdered three woman and one of their husbands, he abducted one of their children. If this is as personal as we think it is, he's going after Ziva."

"But he saw her this afternoon," Tony pointed out. "He could have easily followed her home and gotten to her before I got back this evening. Whatever he was planning clearly hasn't worked out."

"Unless this was how he wanted things," Fornell suggested.

\-----

"Ima…"

"It is okay, Penny," Ziva assured her, without turning away from the window. "Your father shall be back soon."

"Ima…"

\-------

Tony sighed, realising from Fornell's words what they had done. In attempting to make themselves safer from a personal hit, they'd ended up putting themselves in a more obvious target. Adam would have known that they'd have moved as soon as they discovered it was him. He knew what they did for a living, and he knew that they were working the case, so he knew that the would figure it out at some point. He could have waited in the background, unseen at a distance, and followed them to their new destination of Jenny's townhouse. They'd all been vigilant on the way over, however, and they hadn't noticed anyone following them. Thankfully, Adam had never been over to Jenny's house, but he wasn't sure whether he knew where Jenny lived. If he'd followed the, he certainly did now.

He turned, looking at the window. Ziva was still standing there, looking out of the window. He saw her lips moving slightly, speaking to the little girl behind her, no doubt, but she didn't move. Then he saw a shadow move behind her. A shadow that was too large to be cast from Penny. He stiffened, his arm moving instinctively to his weapon. He hoped that it was Jenny entering the bedroom. When the dark shape moved closer, however, he noticed that it definitely didn't match to Jenny's light build.

"Boss," he said alertly, bringing in the attention of all the males.

Gibbs saw what he saw and bolted into the house, his weapon raised. Tony, however, watched helplessly as Ziva frowned at the scene before her, and began to turn around. He called out her name to stop her, but she had already turned, into the face of the uninvited stranger.

"Ziva!" he called again, hearing Penny screaming from the bedroom as Ziva was struck on the head, causing her to collapse to the ground in a helpless heap.


	48. It Isn't Over Yet, Is It?

Without a second thought, Tony bolted for the house, following after the others. He didn't know whether any of them saw her get hit because they'd already reacted, where as he had been glued to the spot in a fearful anticipation. His heart pounded as he ran through the open doorway, knowing that Ziva was now defenceless, and that in her unconscious state, Penny could be alone and in danger with the man upstairs. This thought fuelled him on even more, but before his feet could reach the stairs he stalled, looking at the sight that greeted him on the upstairs landing. McGee was leaning over the unconscious body of Director Shepherd.

So that's how he'd gotten in. He'd slipped past Jenny, knocked her unconscious and…bound her hands and feet? He wouldn't have seen this unless he'd noticed McGee frantically tugging at the dirty ropes that cut into her skin.

"What the-?"

"I got it," McGee told him quickly, putting two fingers to her neck to find a pulse. As he did so, he looked up at Tony. "You go help the others."

He didn't think twice, knowing that McGee was a capable agent and that he could help Jenny, but the fact that whoever this was had slipped past her, surprised her with a hit, and then done the same to Ziva filled him with dread. Jenny was almost as hard to fool as Ziva was, with their lightning reflexes and the instinctual awareness of everything around them. If it wasn't for their differing appearances and relatively close age, one could easily have mistake their friendship for a mother-daughter relationship. The bastard had managed to get to both of them successfully, leaving an innocent child in great risk - his innocent child.

Bursting into the bedroom with his weapon ready to fire, he quickly took stock of what was happening. Gibbs and Fornell stood in a similar position to him, waiting for the slightest hint of an opportunity to put a bullet between the eyes of the man who was crouching over Ziva's limp body. Penny was nowhere to be seen, but when he went to call her name the man moved, revealing Ziva's bruised face, and his throat dried up.

The man, however, wasn't Adam Gellar. Had they been wrong about Adam, or was he working with an accomplice? He smirked up at him through soulless eyes. "Didn't take as long as I thought," he drawled, his eyes fixed on Tony.

"What?" Gibbs asked.

"Seeing that look on his face," he said indicating to the angry fire raging through Tony's eyes. "Yeah, that's the one," he confirmed. "He said it'd be good."

"Where's Gellar?" Gibbs demanded.

The man laughed. "You didn't think he'd come himself, did you?" he asked.

"I got a better question," Tony spat at him. "Where's my daughter and what have you done to Ziva?"

"Technically, that's two questions," the man told him. "Your daughter's right behind you, and you were watching what I did to your precious Ziva, so you know the answer to that question."

Tony's head whipped around. "Penny?" he asked desperately.

"Daddy?" came the frightened, tiny reply from behind the open door. He stepped backwards, not turning his back on this unknown psycho, as he quickly lifted her into his arms. She wasted no time in pressing her face tight against him, shaking in fear.

"You okay, princess?" he asked her.

"He hurt Ziva," she whimpered against him.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked her. She shook her head, keeping it tightly pressed to his shoulder. "It's okay, baby. Don't be scared."

"She's got every right to be scared, Agent DiNozzo," the man drawled from the other side of the room. As Tony looked at him, he was forced to watch as the man trailed a hand down the side of Ziva's face. Despite the rule of keeping their relationship well hidden, which meant locking away any protectiveness, he was unable to contain himself.

"Don't TOUCH her!" he all but roared at the man.

The man laughed a little, clearly pleased with the reaction he'd gotten from Tony. "Interesting…" he mused.

Tony raised his weapon again, pointing it directly at the man. Thankfully, Penny didn't see this action where she was hiding against him. "Get away from her," he directed the man.

However, he didn't move away, he just smirked. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Can't protect both your girls at once?"

"Go to hell-"

"Careful, DiNozzo," he warned. "Every reaction has a reaction. Anything you do to me, I'll do to them."

"You won't get anywhere near them," he growled protectively.

"I bet you thought that this morning, didn't you?" he teased. "They're not even safe in their own home. Anywhere they are, we'll find them."

This time, it was Gibbs' dangerous voice that filled the room. "If you even think about touching a hair on their heads, I'll shove this gun so far up your ass that you'll be spitting bullets."

"I can think of a few things to do before he gets near enough to even see their hair again," Tony mumbled, placing his finger more firmly on the trigger as the man reached towards Ziva's motionless face again. "I SAID get away from her!" he yelled.

"And I chose not to listen."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped, but Tony ignored the warning, his finger itching on the trigger. "Agent DiNozzo!" he warned again, louder and more forceful this time.

Tony took a shuddering breath of rage. "Boss," he acknowledged.

"Take your daughter downstairs," he instructed.

He didn't move.

"Now."

"But-"

"That is an order, Agent DiNozzo," Gibbs told him in a low voice.

Tony looked at his team leader, finding that while his weapon was still raised, he was looking directly at him with a rare fury in his eyes. Tony struggled to remember a time when Gibbs had ever been this angry at him, even when he had pushed his limits at the very start of his NCIS career. Because of this, he realised what had just happened. He'd done what he swore he'd never do - he involved his emotions, putting his feelings before the job at hand. With this realisation came the awareness that in one hand he was holding a loaded weapon, ready to fire at a man while the other arm was holding his daughter. He was going to shoot a man while he was holding his child. He dropped his gaze from Gibbs', looking down at Ziva. He could see where a bruise was forming on her temple, and as he watched there was a twitch at her eyebrows. She was starting to wake up…

"Boss," he started, but Gibbs cut him off, his tone cold this time.

"Get out of here, Tony," he said.

Despite the urge to stay for his partner's sake, he left for his daughter's safety. He didn't holster his weapon in case this man was not alone, and that there were more of them in the house, but he didn't come across any in his haste to get Penny away from that bedroom. He immediately went to the room furthest away from the staircase, the kitchen, and found that McGee was down there with the Director. McGee was calling somebody, no doubt for more back up, but Jenny was sat at one of the high stools against the kitchen units, nursing her head with a bag of ice and trying to keep as still as possible so that the damp clothes on her damaged wrists wouldn't fall off.

"Tony," she said, looking up with the realisation of somebody else in the room. "What's happening upstairs?"

"Boss sent me out," he said. "Someone's up there, knocked Ziva out."

"Gellar?" she questioned.

He shook his head, seating Penny on the edge of the kitchen counter but keeping his arms around her. "It's not him."

"Then who?" she questioned.

"I've never seen him before," Tony admitted. "Must be an accomplice, gave the impression that he was here on Adam's behalf." As Jenny moved to place a hand on Penny's back for a moment, one of the clothes slipped off, showing the harsh grazes where the rope had cut in. Thankfully they didn't look dirty, as the rope had done, but they were certainly red and angry enough to look painful. "Director…?" he started, but she cut him off.

"I'm fine," she assured him. "Gibbs is upstairs?"

"Yeah, him and Fornell have got it under control," he hoped.

"And Ziva?"

He swallowed harshly. "She's uh…she's still unconscious."

McGee came over, closing his cell phone. "Back up team's on their way, and EMT's are on standby."

"Good," Jenny praised with a nod.

As Penny began to tremble violently in his arms, Tony turned his full attention to her. Wrapping his arms more tightly around her, he began to stroke her hair. "Penny, it's okay, baby, it's okay now."

"Where's Ima?" she asked.

Ignoring Jenny's curious look, he answered her with more of a hope than a certainty. "She's coming, baby. She's coming."

"The man hurt her," she said again.

"She's okay, she'll be fine."

"The man hurt her on the head…"

"Penny, look at me," he said, drawing her face up to his. He kissed her forehead. "He's not going to hurt her again, okay? I promise."

Her watched her lip tremble as she leaned into his embrace again. "I don't like that man," she told him, her voice high pitched, no doubt on the verge of tears.

He was about to answer her, to offer more hopeful comfort, when a loud bang thudded directly above them, where the spare bedroom was. They all looked up, Penny whimpering and clutching her father tightly. The bangs continued, but they weren't gunfire. It was a struggle. McGee reached for his weapon, but Jenny got there first, taking hers from where it waited on the work surface beside her and running ahead, shouting back an order for the two of them to stay there and wait for the back up.

McGee waited behind, not releasing his weapon, just as Tony still clutched at his with one hand that wasn't entwining his daughter to him. The sounds of struggle and raised voices continued, and Tony noticed that Ziva's voice wasn't one of them. Was she still unconscious? Had she really been waking up when he'd been sent away? Penny whimpered again, sniffling afterwards this time.

"Make some noise," Tony said quickly.

McGee looked at him strangely. "What?"

"She's terrified, Probie, we've got to stop her hearing this," he pointed out, motioning down to the shaking child. Another shout came from upstairs and he thought on his feet, picking the first possible way of drowning out sound.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy…Probie!" he snapped, when he realised that McGee wasn't singing alone with him.

McGee stuttered for a moment, but then picked up the rest of the tune with him.

"…when skies are grey.

You'll never know dear,

How much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away."

"The other night, dear,

As I lay sleeping,

I dreamed I held you,

In my arms

When I awoke, dear

I was mistaken,

And I hung my head and cried"

Tony struggled not to think of Ziva lying unconscious, helpless on the floor. Yes, she was arguably more capable in a fight than any of them, including Gibbs, but when she was unarmed and unconscious? He didn't want to think about how vulnerable she was in that way. The struggle above them continued, but even over the gentle sounds of their questionably bad singing he couldn't pick out her tone above the scuffles. As the sounds halted for a moment, he raised his voice, afraid whether they'd hear sounds of pain or gunshots next, and not wanting his daughter to hear either of them.

"You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy,

When skies are grey,

You'll never know dear

How much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away…"

And then there were footsteps over their voices; footsteps heading closer to them, uneven thuds on the stairs. They froze, weapons at the ready just in case, but they weren't needed. Gibbs came out first, holding one arm of the man, who was now heavily beaten and bleeding, while Fornell held his other arm. The man was cuffed, which made Tony more than satisfied that he couldn't reach to stall the heavy bleeding from his nose. He'd have been more satisfied if he were dead, however. After them came Jenny, who was supporting Ziva, despite her efforts to walk unaided. He could see in her steps, however, that she was stumbling a little.

Letting out a sigh of relief, he readjusted Penny on his hip and met them in the foyer area. He was more than pleased to see that Ziva had no more obvious signs of wounding, nor did she appear to be in any pain besides a headache. Jenny removed her arm at the bottom of the stairs, allowing her to stagger by herself over to Tony. He reached out to steady her when she faltered a little, and didn't remove his arm from underneath hers afterwards. "You okay?" he asked her, his eyes sweeping over her form.

She nodded, wincing at the aching in her skull. "Yes, I am fine," she confirmed.

"Ima," Penny whispered, lifting her head from Tony's shoulder at the familiar voice.

"Shalom, Penny," Ziva greeted, kissing forehead. "You are not hurt, are you?" Penny shook her head, leaning now on Ziva's shoulder, despite Tony being the one to hold her. "I am glad, tateleh," she whispered.

Tony wanted to hold her closer, to crush her against him to assure himself that she was just as fine as she told him she was, but he knew he couldn't do that; just like he couldn't do the other things he wanted to do right then, like kiss her senseless for his own reassurance, because Gibbs was returning to the foyer, and although he was clearly wrapped up in a conversation with Jenny, he was pretty certain that his boss would notice two of his agents kissing. He was also pretty sure that however sweet the taste would be, it wouldn't be worth the risk of death, particularly since he was already going to get a 'talking to' about letting his emotions get the better of him in a hostage situation.

"It wasn't Gellar. Why?" Jenny asked, watching as Fornell gave orders to McGee over by the car, while Gibbs came back up to her doorway.

"An accomplice," Gibbs confirmed. "We're taking him back for interrogation. We'll know what's going on by morning."

"And if you don't?" she questioned.

He gave her that confident. "Then I'll let DiNozzo be the one to interrogate him." He was about to leave Jenny's side when he caught sight of her marked wrists and took hold of one of them. "These from the ropes?"

"I'm fine, Jethro," she assured him tiredly.

"EMT's will be here in five minutes. Get them looked at," he told her, still looking down at the marks.

"Is that an order?" she asked, a mixture of authority and teasing in her tone.

"A request," he corrected her.

"I'm fine," she repeated. "Ziva's the one that needs to be looked at with her head injury-"

"You're both getting looked at," Gibbs cut her off. "And that is an order."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Need I remind you who is the Director of this agency?" she challenged him.

"No," he said simply. "But you're gonna find it a lot harder to say you're fine when those wrists get infected," he pointed out. He left her side, starting towards the living room where Tony had taken Ziva and Penny moments before. "That goes for the ankles, too," he called back over his shoulder.

Jenny gaped a little, looking down at the bottom of her pant legs, which successfully covered the similar scratches on her ankles. How had he known? With a smile, however, she realised that he always knew.

\------

Gibbs approached the two agents and the child in the sitting room. Penny was leaning up against Ziva while Tony was crouched before them both, inspecting the bruise on Ziva's temple even though he wasn't a doctor of any kind. She winced when his fingers touched the darkest mark that was already becoming a deep shade of grey against her honey coloured skin, and he pulled away with an apology.

"DiNozzo," he interrupted, causing all three to look up at him. "A word?"

It wasn't so much a question as a request, but Tony still nodded and got to his feet. He gave Ziva a wordless look, and she nodded back to him before he kissed Penny's fore head. "Back in a minute, babe, stay here with Ziva."

"Ima," Penny corrected him quietly.

"Ima," he repeated. "Stay here with Ima."

He went over to Gibbs, who lead him into the kitchen. He didn't say anything, but rather waited for the reprimand that was sure to come. However, Gibbs' first words surprised him. "Penny okay?"

He nodded in reply. "Yeah, she's fine, just scared."

"Get her checked by the EMT's, could be in shock," he told her.

"Yes, boss."

"What happened up there, DiNozzo?" he asked.

Tony was silent, looking away and instead directing his gaze to his feet. "I've been trying to figure out why I couldn't do it," he explained. "I could have put a bullet in his head the first time he touched her, the first sign he wasn't co-operating. But I didn't. I couldn't pull the trigger even though it was to save Penny and Ziva," he shook his head. "Who's to say what Adam might have a chance to do to them because I couldn't end it?"

"He wont do anything," Gibbs said surely. "We've got this guy, we're taking him back for interrogation, and he's going to tell us one way or the other where Gellar is, then we take him down."

"And if he doesn't?" Tony asked, voicing the same concern as Jenny.

"He will," Gibbs assured once more.

"Still doesn't explain why I couldn't do it," he shrugged.

"You didn't do it because Penny was there," Gibbs pointed out to him.

Tony looked up at him with a frown. "Does that matter?" he asked.

"Do you want your daughter to remember her father killing a man in front of her?" he asked him. Tony was actually ashamed that he hadn't come up with this answer himself, and ducked his head down. Penny had enough reason for bad dreams, without him adding to the list of traumas. "That's what I thought," Gibbs told him.

What came next was slightly uncharacteristic, but in the same way it was just what was to be expected from Gibbs. He put his hand down on Tony's shoulder in a comforting, fatherly manner. Tony looked up at him. "This isn't over yet, is it, boss?" he realised.

Gibbs shook his head. "Nothing's over until we decide it is."


	49. It's Always You

He knew he should be somewhere else, somewhere other than here, somewhere he was actually needed, but he couldn't pry himself away from the window. He didn't care that the pressure he was using to place his head against the soothingly cool glass of the interrogation window was no doubt going to leave an angry red mark on his forehead, he just cared about staying there and staring daggers at the Daniel Rochet. That was his name; the man who had knocked Ziva out and terrified the living daylights out his daughter. Daniel Rochet. He was no connection to the navy, and as far as Ziva could tell them, no connection of which she knew to Adam. But he had a name. He had told them that much. McGee had run a fingerprint trace on him, found out that he had served time in prison for domestic abuse five years ago and confirmed his identity, but other than his criminal record, they knew nothing. Rochet wasn't telling them anything, he was just grinning stupidly at Gibbs, almost as if he were proud of what he had almost accomplished.

That was what bothered Tony the most, he thought, that Gibbs was the one seated before him in the interrogation. Tony wanted to be the one to break him, more than anything he wanted to be the one to crack through the sanity of the man who had threatened what he held dear to him that night, but instead it was Gibbs. Of course, there was no doubt that Gibbs would break him, find out every detail of his life including what he had for breakfast three months and eight days ago, if he wanted to, but the fact remained that Tony wanted to do it. He hadn't even bothered asking, though. He knew what Gibbs would say if he asked to be let near the bastard again. Gibbs still wasn't entirely over the fact that Tony had let his emotions affect his professional decisions in the middle of a case, and he was certain that this was something Gibbs was going to remember until they caught Adam.

So he was confined to the observation room, with only his conscience and the operator recording the interrogation for company. His conscience wasn't much of a friendly companion, though. All it seemed to do was remind him that Ziva was down in the lab with his daughter, safely tucked away in the ballistics room where he'd decided the least harm could come to them both with Adam still loose somewhere, and that he was upstairs, glaring at a man who couldn't even see him. He'd been down in the lab with them to begin with, sitting beside them as McGee traced the search and Gibbs got his coffee as he prepared himself to grill Rochet, who had been sitting in interrogation alone for the small hours of the morning. It was close to sunrise when McGee got off the phone with Gibbs and informed them that he was interrogating Rochet. Tony had barely had time to murmur a "stay with Penny" to Ziva before he had disappeared upstairs to witness the event. Now, it was almost eight in the morning, and he was exhausted. The night had been a drain on him, especially with all the panic of seeing Ziva hurt and his daughter so scared. He'd had both of them looked over by paramedics, staying at Penny's side the entire time because he knew that she hated the doctors, and he was thoroughly relieved when they said she was just scared, not in shock, and that all she needed was a good nights sleep and some comfort, so there were no hospital visits involved. With Ziva, as well, they had been lucky. She was a little dizzy from the harsh contact of the blow to her head, but she was told she didn't have a concussion once she had relaxed enough to allow the paramedics to examine her. In the back of another ambulance, Jenny had been getting her rope burns cleaned and covered, with Gibbs standing over her, his arms folded as if to tell her she wasn't leaving the back of the ambulance until the medics were done with her.

Inside the interrogation room, Gibbs didn't bother to open the folder before him. He'd made his usual big deal about slamming it on the table before Rochet, but the man hadn't jumped, he'd only grinned harder. This had made Gibbs all the more disgruntled and determined to break him as he sat down before him.

"I know about Adam Gellar's dangerous obsession with my agent," he said simply, his voice dangerously calm. "I know all about your plans for her involving him. I know that, and you know that. Now, I am going tell you what you did tonight, or would you like to tell me first?" Gibbs offered.

Rochet shrugged rather cockily. "If you already know, is there any point?"

Gibbs leaned forward on his forearms. "You have a choice here, Daniel. You can either remain her and tell me what I want to know, or you can go back to Lieutenant Gellar and explain to him why you didn't do what you were supposed to," he pointed out.

Rochet copied his movement, also leaning forwards to challenge him. Still, his grin never faded. "That choice have a third option?" he asked.

"Oh yeah," Gibbs smirked, pointing an arm to the glass of the observation room, directly where Tony was standing. "I have an agent on the other side of that glass, watching your every move, just waiting for an excuse to show you how you could go about doing this the hard way."

Tony was a little stunned that Gibbs knew he was there, but then remembered that Gibbs knew everything, and it didn't take a genius to know that he would be bitter about this man and want to watch him break. He was pleased to see, however, that Rochet's smile did fade for a moment, and the slight fault in the curve of his lips was enough to assure him that the threat of his own fists was frightening enough for him.

Rochet leaned back in the seat again. "I'm not saying anything, so you can stop with the tough guy act."

This time, it was Gibbs that mimicked the movement, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest, clutching his coffee in one hand. "I can make this harder for you than it already is, trust me," he assured the man. "We've hardly begun. I've had my morning coffee and I have a clear schedule, so I can do this for a very long time."

The smirk returned. "Is that supposed to frighten me?" he asked.

In a snap, Gibbs was on his feet, in his face, his eyes blazing down at the man before him. It worked, and he jumped a mile in the air before he could think to conceal his reaction and retain his hardened demeanour. "If you knew what I do to people who threaten my agents, my family," Gibbs warned him in a growl, "it would."

With that, Gibbs walked out of the interrogation room. Within seconds he was inside the observation room, but in that time Tony watched as Rochet seemed to have a moment of self doubt and began to run his hands over his face. Gibbs came up to Tony's side. "Get out of here, DiNozzo," he instructed.

Tony shook his head. "Got a job to do, boss."

"Not here," he pointed out.

"I know I screwed up at the Director's house, boss, but I'm not going to apologize for defending my partner."

Gibbs turned to him, away from the image of Rochet's mental breakdown beginning. "Your partner?" he tested, just to see if anything else would come down.

"My partner was being threatened," Tony said, not rising to the bait. "She was down, unconscious, and unable to defend herself."

"So it was because she wasn't able to defend herself that you almost shot the only guy who could give us information?" Gibbs asked. "Not the fact that he had his hands all over her?"

It was hard to miss the irritated tightening of Tony's jaw, and the flash of anger in his eyes at the memory, but he still swallowed that anger and spoke in a steady voice. "Yes, boss."

"Good," Gibbs nodded, before slapping the back of his head. Tony looked at him questionably. "Go be with your daughter, DiNozzo. You're needed with her, not here."

He nodded, and obediently left the room. The moment he was back in the ballistics lab he felt calmer, mainly because he was no longer looking into the eyes of the man who had intended to harm his family. He found that Ziva was lightly dozing as well, her eyes flickering to show that she was just on the brink of falling asleep despite the presence of a half-empty coffee cup beside her on the ground. He picked up the coffee, putting it on the table beside her so it wouldn't spill and then sunk to the ground next to her. Her eyes opened, and she snapped up her head when she felt someone beside her.

"It's only me," he whispered. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"It is fine," she assured him. "I should not be sleeping anyway. We have a job to be doing."

"Apparently we don't," he told her. "Gibbs kicked me out of observation."

"I assume you were not doing anything useful in there," she noted.

"I was staring," he defended. "Staring is useful."

"Only when Gibbs does it," she told him lightly, gently moving Penny so that she was now lying in her fathers arms and reaching for the coffee, glad to find that it wasn't yet unbearably cold to drink.

Tony accepted his sleeping daughter into his arms, pleased when he saw that she was clearly so exhausted she wouldn't react to being moved. Her head fell against his shoulder, and when he wrapped his arms around her she cuddled up to him, burying her face and sighing against him. He kissed the top of her head, listening only to the gentle sounds of her baby-soft breaths for a moment. It was moments like this, holding his little girl, that made him think that this mission was already over, and that life was normal - not that life was ever normal for him, but he felt normal when he held her like this. He felt like he was a normal father, with a nine-to-five job, who came home on time every night and listened to her day, a normal father who got to take her to the park every weekend, not just on the weekends where he couldn't work.

With this mission, though, she'd gained Ziva in the ways she wanted - not just as a friend, but as a role model and a mother. Ziva had been there and given her the slice of normality in her life that she needed, the normality she'd once had with her mother - before the sickness, before her grandparents, before the death, before the change of scene…before he met her. It would be hard now to explain to Penny that the mission was over, that they were going home again - home didn't mean home with Ziva. Ziva had her own home. Of course, she always stayed at their place most of the time anyway, but now that Ziva was officially her Ima, Penny would want her there all the time, like an Ima-Mommy was supposed to be.

Turning his head to the side, he saw just in time as Ziva attempted to hide her wince as she touched her fingers to her temple. A grey-ish yellow bruise was starting to settle on her once flawless skin, and it was only the fact that McGee was in the neighbouring area of the lab (and the fact that the pressure would no doubt hurt like hell for her) that stopped him from placing a comforting kiss against the marred skin. Still, he did reach out and scrape her hair back when it covered the mark, observing it more closely for himself.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked her gently, not raising his voice because Penny's ears were mere inches from his lips, and he daren't risk waking her now that she was finally sleeping peacefully.

"No," she told him. She noticed that he raised an eyebrow at her, so she elaborated further. "Ducky gave me some aspirin. It just aches now."

She closed her eyes, inhaling a deep breath, before opening her eyes again. He was still looking at her with the same adoring, yet concerned gaze. She gave him a questioning look. "You should get some sleep," he suggested lightly.

She shook her head. "When Gibbs breaks Rochet, we will need to be ready," she reminded him.

"We won't be ready if you're half asleep," he told her. "I need my partner on top form if we're going after this bastard." Her eyes flickered away for a moment, a moment of doubt that she'd never have revealed if it were anyone else other than him. Lowering his hand to rest in between them, he realised that it was easy to place his hand on the small of her back, right near her hip, without anyone to notice even if they were standing watching them. He was pleasantly surprised when his hand brushed against some bare skin revealed by the movement of her shirt, but now was not the time to be revelling in the feel of her beneath his hands. "We will get him, Zi," he assured her.

"I know," she nodded softly.

"Then why do you look so worried?" he asked.

"I have a…not so good feeling," she admitted, drawing her eyes away from his to look down at Penny. She stroked the little girl's hair, and Tony was too drawn to the tenderness in her eyes for a moment to question this bad feeling. He loved watching her with Penny, knowing that these sweet moments where everything seemed right in the world were only going to get more frequent. Maybe they'd even get a point where it would be so natural that he wouldn't find it as amazing anymore? No, he realised, he wouldn't ever get to that point. Surely father's didn't get to a point of comfort with watching someone adore their child so much? Nothing this beautiful could ever be so everyday and mundane, not even to the most hardened man. No, he definitely decided. No, this would never get boring. He would never pass up an opportunity to watch these exchanges.

When her hand stopped stroking, he captured it in his own, not caring who was around to see this. He held it in his own, grazing his thumb over her knuckles for a moment before replacing their clasped hands over his chest, right near his heartbeat. "Why the bad feeling?" he asked.

"I do not know," she frowned. "I just have a feeling that something terrible is going to happen."

He matched her frown, but then gave her a reassuring smile - the best he could offer given his own worries. "The only thing that's going to happen is me kicking the shit out of the bastard that wanted you hurt," he told her. She smiled at this, unable to resist liking the more protective side of Tony that was now obsessively hunting the man who had cheated on her and then attempted to have her killed. "Don't worry, okay? Everything's going to be fine."

Before she could answer, Gibbs came into the ballistics room. They broke apart from their intense gaze immediately, Ziva dropping her hand from his and onto Penny's shoulder, covering the fact that they had basically been all over each other. "Gear up," he instructed, his voice low. "We've got a location on Gellar."

\------

Holding his gun close to his chest, his back pressed against a wall, Tony stood ready for action. Gibbs and McGee had gone to check the apartment that Daniel Rochet had given them, and Ziva and himself were waiting near the back alleyway, just in case Adam tried to make an escape. They'd left Penny sleeping in the ballistics room, with Ducky now watching over her in an absence of autopsies. He'd looked so much like a grandfather with the little girl curled up in his lap, telling them that he would drive her to Abby's for a few hours should he have any other cases needing his attention. Tony almost hoped that something would come up, because Penny had been going on and on about seeing Abby for days now, but with her being on maternity leave it had been hard to find time to drive her round there to see her.

His eyes flickered to Ziva on the other side of the alley, in a similar position to her. He'd have offered her words of encouragement, further assurance that the only person getting hurt today was Adam, but while they were all wired up to McGee and Gibbs there was ears other than her own that the words would fall upon. Gibbs had already tried to test him with his relationship with Ziva earlier, and he wasn't about to reveal everything when they had agreed to keep this until themselves until the mission was over, at least. Instead, he let his eyes lock with hers, giving her a soft nod and a determined gaze. She returned the look instantly, so he could only assume that she understood what he meant.

"He's gone out the back," came Gibbs' voice through their earwigs. "DiNozzo, David."

"On it, boss," Tony spoke back into the microphone concealed at his wrist. He looked up again, and then checked that Ziva was as ready for action as she was. With another shared nod, they pursued that shadow that escaped from the back of the building. Adam ran quickly, but not so fast that they couldn't follow him. They managed to follow him up an outside staircase which ended up with them on the top floor of another apartment building, fifteen stories up once the indoor staircase had been taken as well.

By the time they cornered Adam at the end of the top hallway, Ziva's thighs were burning, proving that the lack of morning runs more recently had definitely been a mistake. She was a little out of breath, but definitely in a better physical condition right now than Tony. She could hear his panted breaths as they stopped with their weapons trained on Adam. Gibbs was close on their tail, no doubt at the bottom of this apartment building, but it was going to be a while before he reached them so it was up to them.

"Put the gun down, Gellar," Tony instructed, noticing the presence of a weapon in his hand.

Adam glared at him. "It's always you," he spat at Tony. "Always."

"Put the gun down," Ziva repeated.

As if seeing her for the first time, his eyes widened. "Ziva," he mumbled. "You came back," he grinned. "I knew you'd come back."

"I have not come back to you," she told him.

Adam's grin slipped, and he looked to Tony, shaking his head. "It's always you," he repeated. He raised his gun, causing Tony to prepare his own weapon to shoot. "It's always you," he said, pointing the gun at Tony.

"This is your last warning, drop the weapon," Tony told him, ridiculously calm considering a gun was pointed at him.

Adam lowered his arm, but he didn't drop the gun. He appeared to give up for a moment, but then he reacted with a snarl of anger. His arm raised again quickly, too quickly for either Tony or Ziva to react, and then there was a loud bang. A bang. A cry. A shout…

Ziva looked around, watching as Adam seemed to disappear from in front of her. Tony was beside her, one hand on her arm, as if he were trying to hold her up, but she just frowned at him. He was speaking into his arm. The microphone, she realised. "Boss, we need an ambulance."

"Ambulance?" she repeated. "Are you hurt?"

Tony looked down at her, devastation written on his face. And it was that look in her eyes that told her, only moments before a crippling pain overtook her, that Tony hadn't been the one who had been shot.

It was her.


	50. It Can't End Like This

 

 

It was like watching the entire world collapse around him. It didn't matter that their suspect, the bastard that they were supposed to catch, had just made a convenient escape, and it was of no importance to him that people at the other end of the hallway were screaming, ushering family out of view of the scene taking place. He didn't care to acknowledge the calls coming into his ear through the earwig from Gibbs, asking what the ambulance was needed for, asking about Adam, asking who was hurt, asking what was going on. He didn't register his weapon dropping from his hand, or his heart pounding in his chest, or even the elderly man at the other end of the hall asking if he needed any help, assuring him that even he had called an ambulance for help. None of that mattered. Not to him. Not anymore.

What mattered was Ziva.

" _See anyone you know, Sweet Cheeks?"_

" _Not yet, but the night's just getting started, my Little Hairy Butt."_

**Raindrops fall from everywhere**

Ziva David, the strong Mossad liaison officer ho could easily best them all in terms of power and strength. He'd watched her in action on more than one occasion, thinking that she was the strongest woman in the world, especially with not only her indestructible training behind her, but also her past turning her into a hardened adult long before rites of passage had even seen her through to her adolescence. She was the only woman in the field team, regarded in many countries to many agencies as not only ferociously dangerous, but a dedicated agent and unspeakably beautiful.

" _Are you scared?"_

" _No, excited."_

**I reach out for you, but you're not there**

He'd watched, completely immobilised in fearful anticipation as Adam's weapon had exploded with a single gunshot, aimed no longer at himself but rather at his partner. Fear pulsed through his veins as things began to slow down before him. He knew exactly what was going to happen when he realised he couldn't stare directly into the barrel of Adam's weapon. He wasn't going to be hit by the bullet. He wasn't going to be shot. He wasn't going to be hurt. Ziva was.

" _Well that depends…what's in it for me?"_

" _Anything you want."_

" _Anything?"_

**So I stood waiting in the dark**

She didn't flinch as the bullet hit her, and her weapon didn't drop from her hand until she looked down at her side and noticed the damage for herself. The blood didn't even spread immediately through the white shirt she was wearing, but instead he could see an almost pristine hole in the fabric, and she looked more shocked that she had taken a bullet in the one part of her torso that the bullet proof vest didn't offer adequate protection.

"Ziva," he found himself whispering, his voice touching heights of pain that he'd never reached before.

" _You look great."_

" _Honestly? You are not just saying this to make me leave your apartment faster?"_

" _No, really. You look…beautiful."_

**With your picture in my hands**

She looked up at him, her eyes locking with his. There was no one else in the corridor apart from them anymore, and even in the midst of the terrified screams of residents escaping down the stairwells they were unable to concentrate on anything but each other. Tony's whisper had been immediately distinguishable to the far away cries of the civilians, as his was filled with nothing more than a heart breaking devastation that was painful for anyone to hear. As she realised that the bullet was still lodged in her torso, the blood began to seep through her shirt, a bright, angry red that stained her front; an icy pain started to spread through her body too quick for her to comprehend.

She started to fall, surrendering to gravity's will when her legs gave way beneath her, but she never felt herself reach the floor beneath her. Tony had already dropped with her, catching her into his arms before she could hit the hard ground, which would only have caused her more pain. She fell limp into his arms, feeling his embrace being extremely rigid as he did his best to stall the bleeding with his jacket and hold her at the same time. Impulse took over, as did the sight of the blood seeping all over her body.

" _I am only worried for you, Tony. You do not speak to anyone for a week, we were worried-"_

" _You're not my wife, Ziva!"_

**Story of a broken heart**

"Ziva…" he muttered, looking down at her dazed face.

She looked up at him, and he could see that she was already fighting consciousness through the pain. His heart would have fallen inside of his chest, but it had already dropped beyond repair and could fall no further. If she fell unconscious, he was afraid she'd never wake up again, especially with the amount of blood. It was the blood that stopped him from doing what he really wanted to do; the part of him that loved her wanted to hold her so tightly against him that it would be impossible for her to leave him, but the rational part of his mind, the part of his mind that was her partner rather than her lover, took over, telling him that by doing that he'd only be causing her more pain than necessary.

" _Stay,"_

" _I cannot,"_

" _Please?"_

" _Do not ask this of me, Tony."_

" _If I ask again, will you stay?"_

" _Yes, so do not ask again."_

**Stay with me**

Her brown eyes were round and moist, glistening with an unusual fear as she blinked rapidly. She struggled to focus on something around her; anything, until her eyes found his and he held her gaze fiercely. He gathered her more tightly in his arms, cradling her head gently in the crook of his elbow as he had done only the other night when she had fallen asleep in his arms, only this time he was mindful of the wound she bore. By now, the entire front of her white shirt was covered in blood…her blood…and it was this blood that reminded him that this wasn't a matter of treasuring the moments in their bedroom where there was no surveillance watching over them. No, this was much more intense with that.

" _How can what you have with Adam be so great…how can it be real…if he can stand to be away from you for four months at sea…and I can't even stand to be away from you for four minutes?"_

**Don't let me go**

"Tony…" she gasped, pain lost in her voice as it was too overcome with fear and shocked.

" _It does not matter,"_

" _Yes, it does. It matters to me. It matters a lot."_

' **Cause I can't be without you**

His heart pounded even louder. They'd been through so much over the years, but he'd never, not once, heard her sound so afraid before. He swore at himself, unsure whether or not he actually said it aloud, but he didn't care. He should have reacted sooner. He should have been able to do something, anything, to prevent Adam making that shot, especially at her. He should never have dropped his guard. It was obvious that, given the choice, Adam would have gone for Ziva, stuck with his original plan. He wanted Ziva hurt, and Tony had somehow lead her straight to him. Why on earth had he done that? He could have gone after him alone, not put her in this danger…that was his job, right? That was what a partner was supposed to do. That was what a man did for the woman he loved. It was what he was supposed to do. If he couldn't keep Ziva safe, what kind of partner, what kind of lover, was he?

" _You can't go through your whole life thinking that everyone you need is going to let you down."_

" _Most of my life proves otherwise. They either die or disappoint."_

" _I know I've let you down before, but…but you should know that I'll never do it again. Not intentionally."_

**Just stay with me and hold me close**

"Oh, God…" he almost whimpered, feeling a bile rising in his throat, but he choked it down as he bent his wrist so that he could bring a hand to her cheek as well as cradle her head. He dared not release any of the pressure he was placing over her gunshot wound. "Zi…"

" _I don't want to see you get hurt again. I can't."_

" _You care about me that much?"_

" _Yes."_

**Because I've built my world around you**

He watched as her lips rose slightly in the corners as she heard him speaking. However, he was unable to meet her smile, despite the presence of memories that flooded him. Hearing him call her 'Zi' always made her smile, even more so than when he stretched out the syllables of her name. No one ever called her that, apart from him. It was special like that, even though he'd never intended it to be. Perhaps it was because of how he said it the other night, holding her in his arms, whispering into her ear in the tone of voice that only a lover can use. But this wasn't a romantic time. He wasn't showing her how passionate the Italian language could be, he wasn't comforting her in the night. He wasn't taking her out on a date, like he should have done ages ago, he wasn't telling her how he felt. He wasn't telling her that he loved her.

This was serious…wasn't it?

" _I should be going,"_

" _Wait,"_

" _What am I waiting for?"_

" _I don't know. Just…stay for a while longer."_

**And I don't want to know**

The ambulance wasn't here yet. Gibbs wasn't here yet. He was covered up to his elbows in his partners blood that just didn't seem to stop escaping her torso…this was real bad.

This could be the end.

_"You shouldn't take it as a sign of weakness."_

_"How should I take it, character building?"  
_

**What it's like without you**

"It's okay, Zi, you're going to be okay. You hear me? You're going to be fine." As much as he tried to convince her, he was stumbling over his words. He wasn't the best of men with words at a normal time, let alone a time like this. What could he do to make the pain go away? What could he say to make this better? Anything? Nothing?

_"What everyone afraid to love hides from...being hurt."_

_"It's not just me I'm worried about hurting, Ziva."_

_"That's because you're a good person."  
_

**So stay with me**

He looked over his shoulder, taking his eyes from her for just a second to collect himself. He was planning on preventing his tears from spilling over her, mixing with the blood that was still rapidly escaping her, but that was proving hard. He couldn't lose her. His eyes feel upon the figures of Gibbs and McGee, who appeared through the stairwell with shocked expressions. Their presence should have made him feel better, just like their assurances that the EMT's were on their way, but it didn't. The fear in Gibbs' eyes was frightening in itself as he looked at Ziva's wound. He feared the worst, Tony realised, and as he looked back down at his partner, who was looking even more disorientated than she had done only a second before, he understood why.

They were already losing her.

_"You ever lied to someone you love, Ziva?"_

_"Yes."_

_"They ever forgive you?"_

_"They never found out."  
_

**Just stay with me**

"Tony," she said, drawing out his name in a long exhale.

He shook his head, welling up with unwanted tears at the sound of her frail, tiny voice. "Don't try to talk," he told her softly, unable to bear the possibility of losing her. His eyes were pleading with her constantly to stop, to breathe, to hold on…

_"You did not think this through."_

_"Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?"  
_

**I'm trying and hoping**

"Go….go stop Adam," she manage to tell him, despite the pain it clearly caused her to speak. "You must stop him."

As always, she was focused on the mission rather than herself. That was just how she was, how she had been trained, how she had been raised. She'd done it from the start of her career in Mossad, and it was one of the aspects of her behaviour that hadn't altered after all her time with NCIS, even when she had Tony looking out for her twice as much as any of the team. It was in her nature.

_"Do you ever think about soul mates?"_

**For the day when my touch is enough**

He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere," he told her stubbornly.

"Before he hurts anyone else.." she trailed off, and Tony's pounding heart almost stopped altogether when her eyelids started to flutter closed. However, she simply coughed, rather wheezily and resumed her pleading. "Do not let him hurt anyone else…"

_"Be a man."_

_"She accused me of murder."_

_"Who is the bad guy? Be a man. Go tell her what she needs to hear."  
_

**To take the pain away**

"I'm not leaving you," he told her.

"You have to stop him…" she told him. "You can do it…it is your nature…" she gave him a sweet smile, something he wouldn't have thought possible given the dire situation and the amount of pain she was in. "It is why I love you."

_"I was just going to tousle your hair...sometimes it makes you smile."_

' **Cause I've searched for so long**

At that, the tears started spilling out. He didn't care whether or not he looked ridiculous, even to her. She could be dying. She knew she could be dying, and she was asking him to leave her side to catch Adam? Without her, what was the use in fighting against him anymore? He wasn't ready to lose her yet. He needed her to stay. He needed to see those eyes, no matter how much pain they were filled with. He needed her to be alive. He couldn't lose her. Not now. Not with so much behind him, and so much left to come. She told him she loved him, for crying out loud. He remembered her telling him that she couldn't tell him that, because it was hard for to her to stay. She just told him for the first time that she loved him, while he was trying to stop the intense flow of blood from her torso.

_"Ah, I could tell you stories."_

_"Tell. Slowly."  
_

**The answer is clear**

At this, he felt hands over his. Gibbs' hands. Taking over the pressure on Ziva's wounds, Tony found his hands were free. Instantly, he placed one hand on her cheek, ignoring the smear of blood it transferred to her skin. The other arm continued to cradle her head. Hiding things from Gibbs didn't matter anymore. "Ziva, please, just stay with me," he urged her.

_"It was inevitable."_

_"Nothing is inevitable."  
_

**We'll be okay if we don't let it disappear**

"It hurts," she told him in a pitiful voice that wasn't her voice. "Too much…I cannot…" No, Tony heard a voice tell him. This wasn't Ziva. Ziva was strong. Ziva David. She was stronger. She was a survivor.

_"Todah."_

_"Prego."  
_

**Stay with me**

"Yes, you can," he told her, fully aware that he didn't sound too convincing to anyone when he had tears streaming down his cheeks in a steady flow. He didn't know how much time she had left. The EMT's wouldn't be here in time. It could all be over in minutes…seconds, even…it might already be too late…there was so much blood… "You have to. Don't leave me, okay?"

_"Laila tov."_

_"Buona notte"  
_

**Don't let me go**

She gave him a tired, weak expression. "I love you."

_"What are you doing?"_

_"I'm observing you, Tony."  
_

' **Cause I can't be without you**

"I love you too, but you're going to be all right," he told her, horrified to hear the goodbye she was putting into her voice. It was bad enough that his own hope was fading, let alone hers. "Please, just stay with me. Hold on."

_"I've never had sex with you either, does that make me a virgin?"_

_"Trust is a virtue that's earned, not given."  
_

**Just stay with me**

"I will try," she said, as strongly as she could.

_"It takes a little more than an exotic accent and some stealth ninja moves to emasculate me."_

_"Only a little more? How disappointing."  
_

**And hold me close**

He started to wonder what he was asking her to hold on for. For the paramedics that he couldn't even hear the sirens of, for a miracle? If he knew he could make it, he'd have got to his feet and carried her to a hospital, but he couldn't. That's why she knew it was too much to fight this. They both knew, because she wasn't going to make it through this. She had been fighting her whole life, and now, there wasn't much fight left inside of her; at least, not enough to fight off death.

_"Do you think they bought it?"_

_"I did."_

_"That's fairly obvious."_

_"For your information, that's my knee."  
_

**Because I've built my world around you**

Tony held her fast against him, blocking out everything around them. She shouldn't have to see the disappointed look from their boss as he realised that rule twelve had been shattered by his two agents. He knew that her blood was now staining the front of his own shirt, as he could feel the warm liquid against his stomach and chest, but he didn't look down to see it. He couldn't. his eyes were trained on her face. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't, no matter how tempting it was to trace Adam to the ends of the earth and destroy him for what he had done. Of course, finding Adam was his job, and the job was supposed to come first, but it hadn't this time. The safety of his partner was coming first. More tears formed in his eyes, flowing out over the ones that had already stained his cheeks, and if he wasn't biting his lip to prevent the lump in his throat from bursting, it would have engulfed him entirely. He shut his eyes tightly, and memories of the life they had shared together started to run through his head…

" _Penny is right, you do take care of your girls."_

" _So, you're my girl now, huh?"_

" _Not as much as Penny, but you are certainly taking care of me."_

**And I don't want to know**

….sitting at his desk, being interrupted mid-fantasy by an Israeli beauty, watching him curiously…

…the undercover mission as the married assassins, where he had experienced his first taste of Ziva and realised how undeniably bad he wanted it…

" _The last woman I held like this, I had no intention of letting go of her for the rest of the night. And right now, I feel like I couldn't let go of you, either."_

**What it's like without you**

…the way she had forgiven him even after everything that happened with Jeanne…

…how she had been there for him when Penny had been thrown upon him…

…how she had taught him to be a father, shown him how to love his child…

…how they had surrendered to their feelings finally…

" _The past six months have been really hard, and you've been there even when I pushed you away. I know I haven't been perfect, but I'm going to try more from now on."_

" _Nobody expects you to be perfect, Tony."_

" _I want to be, for you."_

**So stay with me**

Everyone in law enforcement knew that there was risk with their job, but even after losing Kate and Paula, nothing could have prepared him for this. Even if they had lived for a million years together, he wouldn't have been able to prepare himself for this terrible moment. His worst nightmare was becoming a certain reality. He couldn't think. He couldn't speak. All he was managing to do was breathe, and keep holding Ziva in his arms. It was as if, as long as he was holding her she wouldn't be able to leave him. He tried to come up with another solution, anything other than the finality of his partner, the woman he loved, bleeding out in his arms, but no matter how many ideas darter from the corners of his scrambled mind, nothing seemed logical enough to work.

" _You're always gonna be here, right?"_

" _Tony…"_

" _I can't lose another best friend, Ziva. I've already lost one of the women I loved, I can't…promise me you'll always be here."_

**Just stay with me**

Ignoring the present of Gibbs mere inches beside him, he dipped his head, kissing her trembling lips with his own. When he pulled back he made an attempt to sweet her hair away from her face. Her brow furrowed every few seconds as she winced in pain from her injury, and he felt his heart start to break when a soft moan escaped her mouth. She'd lost too much blood now, surely?

" _You still awake?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Are you sure? You're making a habit of falling asleep in my arms recently."_

**I've searched my heart over**

"Just relax," he whispered to her, touching her face with a tenderness Gibbs wouldn't have believed of him a year ago. "Just think about later…going home to Penny…she'll have missed us…we'll take her home…watch a movie in bed…like we always do…"

Her eyes drooped again, and it became more of a struggle to keep them open for her. It wouldn't be long now.

" _I'm sorry I'm such a terrible fake fiance,"_

" _You are not terrible. You are just a little hopeless."_

**So many, many times**

He broke off when his voice caught in his throat. He couldn't speak these words anymore, even to himself, not when he knew that this evening he was describing to her might never happen for them now. If he'd reacted sooner, she might not be in this position and perhaps they really would have been able to go home with Penny, curl up in bed for the night with the case wrapped.

" _What is going through your mind right now?"_

" _I just couldn't get over how beautiful you look together up there."_

**No you and I is like no stars to light the sky at night**

She smiled slowly. "That sounds nice," she whispered, only heard by Tony because of the volume dropping. They still stared into one another's eyes, fearful that the moment they looked away they would be parted from each other. Tony couldn't stop speaking to her, assuring her that she would be okay, his words punctuated with Ziva's whimpers and cries of pain as she clung to him as best she could. He couldn't lose her. Not now…

She was still beautiful, even with the fear of death creeping over her. Her eyes might have lost their playful, teasing glittery, which flared whenever she was in her element, but they were still inviting oceans of deep chocolate, compelling him to look into them whenever he was near her. She was still the woman he had fallen in love with. Even now, at what could be the very ended, he had no doubt that he loved her and needed her more than he had ever loved or needed a woman.

" _Don't say that it's complicated"_

" _It is, and you know that"_

" _But it doesn't have to be."_

**Our picture hangs out of tune**

He watched her grimace, as another wave of pain hit her and it hit her hard. Her breathing worsened and her need for breath reached a critical level for her, with her aching chest heaving several times in a vain attempt to fill her empty lungs. Tony could do nothing but watch her worriedly, telling her over and over again that he loved her, thinking back through years of experience in the field to try and think what he could do for her; anything. But there was nothing. Nothing he could do, except hold her and keep on looking into those brown eyes until he couldn't hold his open for a second longer.

" _Why are you fighting this so much?"_

" _We have been fighting against this for a long time"_

" _And the second I stop fighting, you fight harder."_

**Remind me of the days**

And then it all stopped. Any need for breath deserted her as he chest rose and fell for the last time. The final time. The cries stopped, the whimpers stopped, the frantic movements and squirming stopped.

"Zi….Ziva?" he asked, frowning slightly. He tried to think of another explanation for why she had fallen so still, why Gibbs was shouting more frantically at somebody, but a large lump in his throat and the hot pricks in the corner of his eyes told him the simple truth. She wasn't breathing. She wasn't moving. She wasn't whimpering…because she wasn't breathing.

" _I just can't get you out of my head…and I think that's because you're supposed to be in my heart."_

**You promised me we'd always be**

But if she wasn't breathing…then she was…

"No…No, please, Ziva…" he pleaded over her hauntingly unmoving body. "Ziva, wake up. Come on, Zi, just open your eyes…you can do it, come on, Zi…" Ziva had stopped breathing. She was lying in his arms, not moving, not breathing. All because he'd not been thinking.

" _Tony…these things you are saying…"_

" _Are the truth. You wanted the truth, and the truth is I'm in love with you."_

**And never go away**

What if he never got to see her wake up again? He'd never get to tell her he loved her again. He should have told her sooner, he hadn't told her nearly enough, and now he wouldn't get another chance. He should have reacted sooner. He should have acted like a partner, not a jealous lover. How could he have been so careless? He'd never realised how serious was when he told her once that she was a necessity to his survival. The thought of having her back in Israel, not knowing what she was doing, how she was, or even if she was safe…that would have been hard enough. He didn't know what he would do if she'd ever gotten called back to Mossad. He loved her, but he'd had trouble for too long putting that into words. Since he had faced up to his feelings he told her that he loved her every day, he made sure of it as they crawled into bed in the one room that they weren't under surveillance in, but he rarely told her how much, or at least, he didn't tell her as much as she deserved to be told.

" _We are at work, Tony…"_

" _I don't care."_

**That's why I need you to stay**

She was laying still now, her arms draped over her chest in the position they had fallen still in. She was deathly pale, but she didn't look…dead. She looked like she was sleeping. Despite the presence of his boss, he bent down to kiss her lips, clinging to the fairytale hope that this might wake her up, but her lips already felt cold and unfamiliar, and they didn't warm no matter how long he lingered there, begging against her chilling skin for her to wake up.

Then there were hands pulling at them, tugging her unresponsive body away from him. He fought against the movement, trying to keep her into his arms, until the reassuring voice of Gibbs was beside him, reminding him that it was the paramedics who were taking her. Paramedics were good. Paramedics were doctors. Doctors could save her, right? She could be saved? Someone could still save her? As Ziva's body was taken from him, Gibbs rose Tony to his feet, steering the agent a little down the hall, away from the sight of four paramedics descending on Ziva's unconscious form. He made sure that Tony's back was to them, so that he couldn't see the efforts they were making to revive her. It would only break him if he kept that image in his head

" _You were jealous, Tony, you were looking for any excuse to kick him to the ground."_

" _If I'd known it'd end up like this, I'd have done a lot more than kick him."_

**Stay with me**

"Tony," he said softly. "Look at me."

"Ziva…" he whispered back under his breath, trying to turn his head.

Gibbs forced his head to keep facing him. "She'll be fine," he told him.

**Don't let me go**

"She-she-she stopped breathing," Tony stuttered, as if he were processing the meaning in the back of his mind. "She's…she's not breathing, boss. That mean's she's-"

"Okay, she's breathing!" one of the paramedics called out, right on cue. "Let's get her back, no one touches that bullet until we've got her in trauma."

"I'm coming," Tony said, stumbling away from Gibbs and heading towards them.

One of the paramedics stood, holding out a hand. "I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to meet us there."

' **Cause I can't be without you**

He looked panicked at this, the thought of not being at her side overwhelming him. "No," he insisted. "No, I'm not leaving her."

"Let them work, Tony," Gibbs instructed lightly.

"I'm not leaving her!" Tony shouted, even though none of the paramedics were listening or waiting for him. They simply lifted Ziva onto a stretcher and started to get to the roof level where they had a chopper waiting to transport her to Bethesda.

**Just stay with me**

Gibbs stared him down, ignoring the fact that he had just screamed in his face. "There's nothing you can do for her, DiNozzo," he pointed out. In an almost fatherly gesture, Gibbs put his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "They'll take care of her."

"I should have taken care of her," Tony argued weakly, so much like a child.

"Come on," he said. "We'll meet them at Bethesda."

" _You know I've got your back, right? You know that?"_

" _Yes, I know."_

" _Good."_

**And hold me close**

Before Gibbs could make any attempt to steer him from the hallway, however, Tony bowed his head, allowing it to rest on one of Gibbs' arms. A burning sensation behind his eyelids caused Tony to blink rapidly, and it was soon followed by the thick lump choking up his throat once again. He felt his own strength, which had been wavering from the second he watched her get hit, start to disappear completely. He tried to control his breathing as everything began to overwhelm him but it was only a matter of seconds before his exhausted, terrified breaths turned into sobs. Once they had started, there was no way to stop them, even knowing that the person he was crying to was Gibbs. His cries were uncontrollable, nothing had brought so much pain for a long time. He hadn't felt so completely helpless since he'd first lost Alicia and gained his daughter. This time, however, he was completely to blame. Ziva was his partner, and if he'd done his job and taken care of her like he was supposed to do, she wouldn't be hurt.

" _And you know that I love you, right?"_

" _Sometimes I do not believe it, but that is not something I could easily forget."_

**Because I've built my world around you**

"Boss-" he choked out.

"She'll be fine," he assured him again, the more fatherly and comforting tone setting in, despite the overwhelming urge to point out that this is why rule twelve shouldn't be broken. He knew that the discipline would fall on deaf ears now, however, so he told Tony exactly what he needed to hear to pick himself up.

" _We will get him, Zi."_

" _I know."_

" _Then why do you look worried?"_

**And I don't want to know what it's like without you**

"It can't end like this," Tony half-whined.

"It won't," Gibbs told him firmly. Tony looked up at him, trying to get a hold of himself. "Let's go to the hospital. They'll tell us what's going on there."

" _Why the bad feeling?"_

" _I do not know. I just have a feeling that something is terrible is going to happen."_

**So stay with me**

Tony could only numbly nod as he followed Gibbs down the stairs, his legs still burning from running up them but he couldn't find the energy to complain - he could barely find the energy to breathe. She'd had a bad feeling that morning. She told him. In the ballistics room she'd told him she had a bad feeling. And what had he done? Taken her hand and assured her that Adam wouldn't hurt her. He'd lied, basically. He'd had a bad feeling about this entire mission since the word 'go', but he'd stuck to it and he'd done his job. Doing his job had lead them to this hallway, lead to Ziva being put in harms way, but not doing his job had lead to her being dangerously hurt.

" _The only thing that's going to happen is me kicking the shit out of the bastard that wanted you hurt."_

**Just stay with me**

But was the job going to take her away from him completely?

" _Don't worry, okay? Everything's going to be fine."_

**Oh don't leave,**

**So I stay**

**Waiting in the dark**


	51. You Don't Understand

Considering the danger of their jobs, it was a wonder that they didn't recognise every member of medical personnel within the walls of Bethesda. However, as countless floods of nurses and interns scurried past the suffering families, Tony couldn't place a single face. He wasn't that good with names anyway, especially not when they weren't related to case, but he didn't even recognise the faces of these ones. They were never usually in this hospital without needing to interview an injured suspect. For themselves, they tended to avoid the building as much as possible. They certainly never came alone because it usually took at least one other member of the team to enforce the visit. When Abby had her baby scare, both Tony and McGee had been there sitting in the halls waiting for news, and when Tony had needed stitching up (for the second time) Ziva had been there. One person Tony had recognised was the doctor who he had harassed about getting Ziva's name put into Penny's file at the hospital, but this doctor didn't so much as offer them a second glace.

Ziva had been taken into the trauma wing now, a place where they had no right to be, so the head nurse had told them rather forcefully. Trauma one. That's the place they'd taken Gibbs after the explosion all those years ago. That's what had happened then, only they were in Portsmouth rather than Bethesda. But they'd managed to get by then, at least, Jenny and Abby had. Jenny had shown her I.D and made a call, Abby had shown her I.D, all but terrified the nurse without intending to, and then been allowed in. Tony had needed to wait until the following morning when Gibbs had been moved into a separate room. No one was allowed in, because she was going to be moved to surgery once they were done in the trauma ward.

Apparently the bullet was in an awkward position. He hadn't understood much of the medical jargon so far. Gibbs' driving was something he had actually been glad of on the way to the hospital, because it had meant they'd been arriving in the trauma bay at the same time as Ziva was being transported through from the helicopter landing pad. The amount of people surrounding her gurney had been a little worrying, considering one of them was stalling the bleeding, another was keeping her breathing, and the other two…well, he didn't actually know what they were doing but he was sure it was something to save her, right? Their words kept repeating in his head constantly, their exchange reminding him just how close he was to loosing her.

"Officer Ziva David. NCIS. Thirty-one years old. Gunshot wound to the torso."

"God, there's blood everywhere. Is there a pulse?"

"It's faint. Very faint, but still there."

"Okay, get her cleaned up and ready for surgery. Work fast, people, or we're going to lose her."

It was like they hadn't realised that Tony and Gibbs had been within hearing distance of the conversation.

The two men were sat on the ground outside the doors which no one would allow them to pass through. There were plenty of empty chairs in the area, but Tony hadn't bothered with any of them. After they had taken her through the doors and he found out (the hard way) that he wasn't allowed to follow her, he had simply lent against the wall and collapsed to the ground rather slowly from there. Ziva had still been unconscious when they had taken her through, and getting a glimpse at her ever-paling face beneath all the blood was an image that was starting to replace the original looped memory of her eyelids fluttering closed in his arms.

No words were exchanged between him and Gibbs, but he was glad that his mentor was there. As much as he wanted to be at Ziva's side, he knew that if he went through those white doors he'd interrupt whatever they were doing to save her life. If he interrupted that, he might not get her back at all. At least Gibbs would stop him from doing something ridiculous like that. However, he didn't think that was a realistic idea anyway; the shock of her injuries had brought him to his knees in the corridor and he still wasn't feeling any response from his limps, so he was powerless to do anything other than panic.

Gibbs had wandered away from the agents side for a moment to get some coffee. He brought two cups, one for himself, one for Tony, and handed one to him. Tony didn't so much as look up at him, let alone accept the cup, but he placed it down on the ground near his foot, knowing that it would still be drinkable for a little while - and maybe the scent of something other than the industrial cleaner smell of the hospital would jerk him out of his trance. He didn't hold out much hope, though, it was clear that Tony was in a whole other world where all he could hear and see was Ziva.

And then the cries had started.

Ziva had woken up, it seemed, and she didn't like what was happening. They had no idea what they were doing to save her, but she obviously didn't like it, her whimpers and screams varying depending on whatever they were doing at the time. Neither of them had ever heard those sounds from Ziva, but it was undeniably her. Though she would hardly ever admit to being afraid, Gibbs could barely imagine how frightening it must be for her; half-conscious, unaware of where she was or what was happening around her, but still protesting in indescribable pain as the bullet that desperately needed removing continued to plague her with pain.

And Tony was in just as much agony on the other side of the door, holding up as best he could whilst knowing that it was Ziva, of all people, in that much pain, and he wasn't allowed to do anything about it. It was several minutes before they sedated her. God knows why they hadn't sedated her before, but when she clearly couldn't calm down, there was no other choice. At that point, her cries finally stopped, but until then Gibbs kept glancing at the look on Tony's face as he heard the sounds of extreme pain surrounding them. It seemed like someone was playing tug-of-war with his ears. There was a moment when her sobbed groans of pain had formed distinguishable words, one of them more understood than the rest.

Tony.

When he heard her calling out his name he was confused at first, as if wondering where the sound came from. But he heard that voice, he heard Ziva calling for him in sobs before the sedation took over her, and he looked to Gibbs rather helplessly. Gibbs reached over and put a hand on the younger man's shoulder, watching as he bowed his head, placing it in his hands and trying to breathe with some regularity. With whispered tones, he looked back up to the door. "I'm here, Zi," he muttered, even though she couldn't possibly hear. "I'm right here."

Only minutes later, those haunting white doors finally opened. Within seconds Tony was on his feet, wasting no time in making his way over to the gurney that was brought out from the trauma bay. He only got a quick glance before the doctors moved on towards the surgical ward, but that one glance told him enough.

She was still unconscious, now from the sedation rather than blood loss, and while Tony wanted nothing more than to see her eyes open after the way they had closed in his arms, he knew that it was better for her to be sleeping right now. If she was sleeping then she wouldn't feel the pain until later, when it would have dulled further. He remembered his mother telling him that once, when he was sick as a child. "Go to sleep, Anthony, you can't feel the pain when you're sleeping," she'd said. However, Ziva's cheeks were no more coloured than when they had first taken her into the trauma bay, still the same white-grey colour they had dissolved to back in the corridor.

One doctor followed the gurney into the surgical ward, but another hung back and came over to Tony and Gibbs. Tony continued to stare after the gurney, so Gibbs placed his hand on his shoulder to attract his attention.

"She's going to be okay, right?" he asked immediately, with a break in his voice that betrayed the only semi-broken look on his face.

"We're taking Officer David into surgery to remove the bullet. Unfortunately it hit her in a position where any further movement could cause it to move, either into her lung or her kidney, both of which could cause catastrophic complications within the surgery," the doctor told him.

Unfortunately. Lung. Kidney. Catastrophic. Complications. Those weren't good words, especially not in the same sentence as Ziva's name. With all that had been hanging on his shoulders already, hearing this left Tony ready to break altogether. She has to be alright, she has to be okay, he told himself on a mantra. He couldn't lose her, not now, not so soon. Aside the fact that he loved her more than any woman he'd ever cared for, she was the best partner he'd ever had.

"The surgery will help?" Gibbs asked, seeing as the movement of Tony's tongue seemed to have stopped altogether.

"As long as the bullet doesn't move and there are no further complications, the surgery should go smoothly. She's already lost a lot of blood so we're giving her a transfusion so that her healing will be quicker-"

"Please," Tony begged, cutting off the doctor with a choked sob. "Just tell me that she's going to be okay. Please."

Gibbs looked at Tony, concerned not only for Ziva but also for her partner now. This wasn't the same as Tony begging to be able to leave early, or not to have to do something particularly gruesome. This was him begging for a life. He was reduced to nothing because of the sheer possibility that Ziva might not pull through from this.

The doctor looked at him for a moment, an almost pitying expression on his face. "I'm sorry, sir, but the answer to that question depends on the outcome on the surgery."

"What?" Tony asked in disbelief. The man before him was a doctor. Doctors were supposed to make promises like that, right? They were meant to do the impossible and keep people alive. They weren't meant to say 'sorry, we couldn't do it'. By this point, he was really fighting back tears, and while he really didn't want to break down on Gibbs for a second time, the whites of his eyes were brimming with red. His voice was breaking dangerously as he spoke. "No, you don't understand," he explained to the doctor. "She has to be okay. I can't lose her."

"There is still a chance, sir, even if it is a small one," the doctor assured him. "The surgery will be long, at least a few hours baring complications, so I would suggest that you take the opportunity to get some rest and-"

"I'm not going anywhere," Tony said quickly.

"We're staying," Gibbs nodded after.

"I understand, I'll make sure you're kept informed," the doctor said to them before he went towards the surgical wing.

\-------

McGee opened up the door to his apartment with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Gibbs had instructed him to take charge of finding Adam, but while there were no leads and no witnesses who had seem him escape, there wasn't much he could do. He had a trace on the old cell phone that Ziva had a number for running, and he had temporary agents running up some seemingly useless leads. All that he could do now was go home and change his shirt. He shifted his jacket around him further, doing up the zip because he knew that Penny was inside his apartment with Abby, and part of his white shirt had been stained with blood when the paramedics had pushed past him with Ziva. There was no need to scare Penny, especially if he had to panic his heavily pregnant girlfriend.

The inside of his apartment was an instant escape from the day. It was only lunchtime, but already the two girls seemed to have made a nice mess of the place. The dining table had a large bed sheet thrown over it, and the chairs had all been pushed out a little to create a tent effect. In the corner of the room his laptop was being used to play some bubbly and bouncy Disney tunes. He couldn't say which movie it was from, but he recognised it which meant that Penny had obviously brought this movie over to their apartment before. From underneath the tent/table he heard a tiny giggle, and when he closed the front door behind him there was a chorus of "Shh! Shh!" from underneath, followed by more giggles.

He went over to the table, dropping to his knees and looking underneath the sheet. "Hey," he said, trying to make his tone sound bright.

"Uncle Probie, we made a castle!" Penny told him, her voice filled with so much excitement it was impossible to see any resemblance between her and her father that day.

"It's a great castle," he praised her, noticing the littering of dolls and stuffed animals inside. "Are these your toys?" he asked her.

Penny shook her head. "They're presents for my new cousin," she told him proudly. "I made daddy buy them."

He managed to genuinely smile this time, looking at the stuffed animals in soft colours, noticing that the dolls weren't just Barbie types, but also the sort aimed at men. He wasn't all that pleased to see his original type Wolverine figurine in the middle of this pile, but still, he smiled. "That's very kind, Penny, I'm sure your new cousin will like them very much." She grinned with more elation. "Are you both princesses?" he asked, looking to Abby, who was sitting cross legged under the table, her fully-grown stomach cradled in her lap.

Penny shook her head. "I'm Princess Penny and that's Queen Abby."

"Queen Abby?" McGee questioned.

Abby pointed to the paper crown on her head, with her usual pigtails swinging over the top. "The crown fits, Timmy," she smiled.

"Can I borrow Queen Abby?" McGee asked Penny.

Penny pouted and folded her arms. "But we're playing!"

"It's important Queen business," he defended.

Penny huffed. "Can't the guards do it?" she asked.

"The guards are fighting the dragon," he played along. "Queen Abby needs to talk to the King."

Penny nodded her approval, and turned to some of the dolls to join in her game. As she started humming to herself, Abby made the awkward manoeuvre of getting out from the makeshift castle. In the end, McGee half lifted her to her feet. "You're back real early," she observed. "I was wondering whether you'd be back for dinner in a case like this, but lunch time? Did Gibbs find a better coffee shop or something?" She moved over to the couch and sat down more comfortably. She winced momentarily but then grinned as the child within her moved around with her and then settled in a new position.

"Abby," McGee said simply, his voice more sombre than he realised it would be.

She looked up at him, her playful manner gone instantly. "Tim, what's that on your shirt?" she asked him, looking at his chest.

In helping her to her feet his zip had been knocked, revealing about an inch of a bloodstain on his shirt. He sat down beside her. "It's blood." her eyes widened. "Don't worry," he added quickly. "It's not mine."

"Don't worry?" she repeated incredulously. "That had better belong to Adam or…" McGee's averted gaze told her what she needed to know. "It doesn't belong to him, does it?"

"No," he said quietly.

"But if it doesn't belong to Adam or you, that leaves…" her eyes became more panicked. "Who's blood is it?" she asked.

Avoiding having to tell her, he told her what his instructions for her were. "We need to keep Penny here tonight, let her stay over. I've got the keys to Tony's apartment to get her a change of clothes. We'll bring the dog over as well-"

"Is it Tony's blood?" she asked.

"No," he said.

"Will you just tell me already?" she asked, her eyes getting more frantic by the second.

He sighed. "Tony and Ziva went after Adam after he ran. They ended up in the top hallway of another apartment building. Adam ran again but he got off another shot first. He hit Ziva in a gap where her vest wasn't covering her-"

"Ziva's been shot?" Abby whispered in devastation. Her eyes flickered to the makeshift castle where Penny was still humming obliviously. "She's going to be okay, right?"

"Tony and Gibbs are at the hospital with her now. Gibbs called and said she'd been taken in to surgery, but it's a bit touch and go at the moment."

Abby looked like she was about to cry. "Timmy…"

He placed his hand over hers, before bringing her towards his shoulder for the hug she almost certainly wanted. "She'll be fine, Abs. This is Ziva, remember."

"But what if she's not?" she asked. "We can't lose her, Tim. She's my best friend...she's going to be my birth partner…and Tony…and Penny…they need her. What if-"

"Don't think about that," he told her. "She'll be okay."

"What can we do?" she asked, a shuddering in her voice.

"We take care of Penny so Tony can stay at the hospital with her," he told her.

Abby shook her head. "I need to see her," she insisted. "I need to see she's okay."

"No one's allowed to see her yet," Tim reminded her. "Not even Gibbs."

"But he's Gibbs," she justified. "He could get by-"

"He can't get into a surgical ward, Abs." Abby's face dropped even more and she bit her lip. There was no doubt she'd be in hysterics if Penny weren't able to hear that. "He'll let us know when we can see her."

"I want to see Tony," she said, changing her mind. "Gibbs won't understand."

"He won't understand what?" he asked.

She looked hesitant for a moment. "A couple of weeks ago, when the mission just started, Tony came to me and said that he felt something was changing with their friendship, something more romantic. I told him he had to do something about it and since then he's been happier. I don't know for sure, but I think something might be going on between them. And if it is, it's not some casual thing, it's the real thing. Gibbs won't understand that, you know what he's like with rule twelve and those two. Tony's going to be completely losing his mind-"

"I know," he said quietly.

Abby swallowed the lump in her throat. "Was Tony there when it happened?" she asked. He just nodded in response. "Oh my god."

"She couldn't have been with anyone better," McGee assured her. "He was with her, he was holding her."

"He'll think this is his fault," she realised.

"But it wasn't."

"You know what he's like, Timmy. Especially when it comes to Ziva." She rolled her eyes at the mere thought of how Tony usually reacted to the little things when it came to Ziva, but something as catastrophic as this? He'd be wallowing in self pity so much the doctors were probably on the verge of sedating him just for some peace and quiet. A louder humming came from the makeshift castle and she looked over. "What do we tell Penny?" she asked.

"That Tony and Ziva have to work tonight," McGee improvised. "We'll tell her that they've had to go somewhere for work, and that they're coming back tomorrow. By tomorrow Tony will be able to talk to her on the phone at least, then he can explain however much he wants her to know about Ziva. Until then, we'll tell her we're having a sleepover tonight. We'll take her to get her things, whatever movies she wants, then just…"

"…wait," Abby finished for him. "We wait."


	52. We'll Kiss It Better

Tony hadn't noticed how long they'd been waiting for news on Ziva's condition until he noticed the position of the sun was blinding him through the window. It was only then that he noticed the blood-red sun was dipping below the nearby buildings, the pinkish-orange sunset and a glance at his watch told him that Ziva had now been in surgery for over six hours. How long did it take to remove a bullet? He'd had a bullet removed from his thigh before, back in Baltimore, and that had been over and stitched up within an hour. This was six times as long. The doctor had lied when he said they'd be kept informed on her surgery, because they hadn't so much as seen a doctor who had been with Ziva, let alone had one of them come over and talk to them. Just knowing where she was would be a help. Once they had taken her down the surgical wing, he knew nothing other than that there were many different operating theatres and immediate recovery wards. He didn't know which of these she was in, but he knew that if he went deliberately searching for her he'd be forced away before he could even get near her.

At the moment, he was pacing up and down helplessly, unable to do anything except to keep up the steady rhythm of his own feet. He knew that it was his own fault that he was so restless from sitting down for most of the morning and afternoon, waiting for news as he kept himself cramped up against the wall so much that, at times, he'd needed to move just because his limbs were moulding to the shape of the chair edge he was leaning on. But it was also because he knew that he needed to do something, anything, even if it was just walking up and down trying to come to a logical thought that didn't include a worse case scenario for Ziva.

McGee had come over at some point in the afternoon with a change of clothes for Tony, knowing that he was covered in Ziva's blood and that he'd no doubt have made no move to clean himself up. Tony had managed to get a hold of himself long enough to ask after Penny. He was pleased to know that Penny knew nothing about what was happening, and that she was happy to play with Abby and have a sleepover for one night. Playing with Abby seemed to take her mind off of what had happened with Rochet at Jenny's house, and if games took her mind off the horrible even that had only happened last night, he was glad that Abby could do that. He was no use to her at the moment. After that, McGee spoke to Gibbs about the case and Tony tuned out again.

He changed into the clean clothes in a nearby bathroom, fingering the shirt that was doused in Ziva's blood so furiously that it had even left a red stain against his skin. He'd taken some paper towels and scrubbed harshly at the skin until he couldn't be sure that the red mark was from a blood stain or his attempt to remove several layers of skin. After that, he put the new shirt on and went back to where Gibbs was in the waiting area. By that time, he'd gotten to know what most of the waiting areas occupants were waiting for. He knew that the scolded boy with his father was waiting for his elder sisters broken arm to fixed, because he'd 'accidentally' pushed her off her bike. He knew that the elderly couple were waiting to hear if their daughter would give them a new grandson or granddaughter. He knew that the woman on her own clutching her cell phone was waiting to see if her boyfriend would pull through a car accident. So many people waiting. All in their own personal hell. Why should he be any different?

"How could I have been so careless?" he asked himself, shielding his eyes from the setting sun, shaking his head against the glare. "I should have known Adam would try something. I should have known that he'd go for Ziva."

"You reacted as quick as you could," Gibbs assured him. "You did what was best for your partner."

"What was best for my partner was that she wasn't there in the first place," Tony pointed out.

"When you're close to your partner, these things happen," Gibbs said. "You get close and the slightest hint of danger seems much larger than it really is."

Tony frowned. "He was always jealous of mine and Ziva's friendship," he remembered. "He needed a way to get to all of us, especially me, and Ziva's the only way to do that."

He rubbed at his brow, sighing. Gibbs watched this reaction. "This isn't about friendship, Tony," he said simply. Tony tensed at this, the moment he was being caught out. "How long has this been going on for?" he asked.

Tony didn't look up. "Nothing's going on," he lied.

"She was lying in your arms in that hallway," Gibbs reminded him, watching Tony's eyes screw up at the memory, but he continued. "She told you that she loved you."

"She told me to stop Adam," he choked out.

"Right before she told you that she loved you," Gibbs said. "I took over from you, I tried to stop the bleeding, and you carried on holding her. You asked her not to leave you, and she told you that she loved you again."

"She didn't think she could handle the pain…" Tony whined, too caught up in his own memories to fight against the ones Gibbs was bringing back. "I told her she had to…"

"Then she told you she loved you again."

"She never said that before," Tony admitted. "I knew she did, but she couldn't say it. It was too hard. But she thought she…she didn't think she'd make it…so she said it."

"You said it back, Tony," Gibbs told him softly. "You said it back, and then you kissed her."

"I can't lose her," he whimpered into his hands. "Boss, I can't…I haven't told her enough, yet. I haven't told her enough."

"Haven't told her what?"

Tony gulped, raising his head and looking Gibbs straight in the eye so that he could see every hint of truth in his words. "I didn't tell her because I thought she didn't feel the same and then I had Penny to think about, but I couldn't stop thinking about her and then it all just…came out," he shook his head, rubbing at the underneath of his eyes for a moment. "I just…I love her so much, boss. I really do. So I told her. I told her, but she said she couldn't say it back because she found it too hard to say, but that she did feel the same. And things were great. We had to hide it but we had each other finally. I told her every day how I felt, and it'd always make her smile. But…but I haven't told her that enough yet. I can't lose her before I've told her enough…" he looked towards the surgical ward and sighing. "Any minute now, she could be gone, and I'll lose her forever….and it'll be because I wasn't watching out for her."

\-------------

Up until that moment, the panic hadn't been directed at her own being. She'd been worried about Ziva, going through life-saving surgery. She'd been worried about Tony, sitting and waiting for any update on her condition. She'd been worried about Penny, oblivious to any wrong-doings in her world, but who would no doubt start to notice that things weren't right soon enough. She'd been worried about Gibbs, and what he would think when he realised that Tony had stronger feelings than friendship for Ziva. She'd been worried about McGee, about the amount of stress he'd be feeling with taking over the case as well as wanting to know what was going on with his friend at the hospital. But she'd never once been worried about herself. Not until McGee had come home from headquarters looking as exhausted as she expected him to. Not until she had gotten up from the couch to greet him and felt an almost tearing sensation rip through her.

Through the seemingly endless trimesters, she'd not once been worried about experiencing the pain of childbirth or anything else that could or would happen. They'd had their scare in the early days but they'd come through that and she'd followed the doctors orders, taken her vitamins, she'd eaten right, she'd given up caffeine, she'd kept up with light exercise once her bed rest had been lifted. So no, she wasn't afraid of any complications. Besides, she was Abigail Scuito, forensic scientist extraordinaire. She saw horrible gruesome things all day and contributed to the solving of all those hard cases that the teams were given. Nothing was supposed to scare her. She could handle childbirth, right? Well, that's what she thought. Now, second thoughts were plaguing her, and even though she wished them all away it didn't take her long to realise that she wasn't in control anymore.

"It's too soon," she'd argued, when McGee all but bundled her into the car, telling Penny that they were going on a road trip to see Auntie Jenny. It was too soon. Way too soon. Three weeks too soon. Her baby wasn't ready for the world yet, she told herself. Her baby was going to be just like it's parents, nice and punctual and on time.

She wasn't really having a baby now, was she?

\-----------

"Tony."

McGee's appearance in the waiting area with his daughter was something that Tony wasn't quite ready for. Penny was settled on his hip with her coat pulled on even though the waiting area was stiflingly hot. Apparently the air conditioner didn't apply at night. She looked exhausted from her playing all day, but it was the panicked expression on McGee's face that was clearly the reason for him being there.

"Hi, daddy," Penny said, as McGee all but dropped her into his lap. He had no choice but to react and grab hold of his daughter.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Baby," he said in a rushed tone. "Baby coming now."

At this, Gibbs' head jerked up from his coffee. "Abby's in labour?"

"They've just admitted her, the midwifes on her way…"

"It's too soon," Gibbs said, with the same argument. "She's got three weeks left."

"The baby doesn't think so," McGee told them, before he turned to Tony. "I'm sorry, Tony, I tried to call the Director but she's in an MTAC conference and Ducky's got an autopsy…"

"It's okay," he said, starting to take Penny's coat off. "Is Abs okay?"

"She's scared, she keeps saying that she refuses to have the baby without Ziva there."

Tony frowned. "What?"

"Ziva was meant to be her birth partner," he explained.

Tony sighed, ducking his head momentarily, his hands paused on Penny's zipper. Penny looked at him with expectant, confused eyes. She had no idea what was happening, other than that she wasn't playing princesses anymore. "Penny's fine with us," he said softly. "Abby needs you right now."

"Thanks," McGee said.

Gibbs stood, so that he was eye to eye with McGee. "You okay, McGee?"

He sighed. "Bit nervous, boss."

"Don't be," he assured him, doing a completely unthinkable thing and handing the coffee in his hands to McGee. McGee took the plastic cup with wide eyes, and Gibbs placed both his hands on McGee's shoulders. "This will be the greatest moment of your life. If you need anything, we're right here. Give Abby our best."

"Uh…actually, boss. Do you think you can talk to her for me?" McGee asked hesitantly. "She's refusing to talk to anyone except Ziva right now, and well…"

Gibbs looked down at Tony, who just nodded at him. "Sure," Gibbs said. As Gibbs and McGee headed out of trauma to another ward, Tony focused all his attention on Penny.

"Where's Ima?" she asked him, with her head tilted to one side.

Tony paused, putting Penny's jacket on the empty seat beside him and then turning back to her. He noticed a paper crown around her pigtails and played around with it for a moment. "Did you play princesses with Auntie Abby?" he asked her.

The distraction worked for a moment. "Yeah," she told him. "I was princess Penny and she was queen Abby and we made a big castle under the table and Jethro was our guard dragon."

"I bet that was fun," he mused with a false smile.

Penny played with one of her pigtails, looking around her. "This is the hop-sital," she said, pronouncing it wrong and saying the word with some sense of dread.

"Yeah, it is," Tony said simply.

Penny frowned, her eyes settling on a nurse. "Why are we here?"

"We've got to wait for somebody," he said softly.

Penny shook her head. "No wait," she said. "Don't like it here."

"Penny-"

"Go home now, daddy?" she asked, looking at him and gripping at his shirt.

He was caught between taking Penny home and waiting for Ziva's condition. Maybe they'd know soon and they could compromise? He sighed, playing with the pigtail she had abandoned. "Penny, we can't go home yet," he told her. "We have to wait for Ima first."

Penny frowned even more. "Is Ima here?" she asked, looking around.

"Ima's gone to see the doctors for a bit," he told her. Penny's fearful eyes suddenly exploded. Last time her mother went to see the doctors, she never saw Alicia again. Now Ziva was with the doctors as well? "It's okay," he assured her quickly, stroking her face, and he wondered how he was able to convince Penny so surely but not himself. "She got a little bit hurt and they're making her better now."

"I don't want her to be with the doctors," Penny complained quietly. "I want Ima to come home with us."

"I know, baby," he said softly, drawing her into his arms and settling comfortably in the chair. It was late, and she was ready for bed even though she was confused and scared. She drew her head onto his shoulder and cuddled up to him as he wrapped her up in his embrace. "I want her to come home with us too," he told her, his voice nothing more than a whisper now that they were so close. "But the doctors are going to make her all good as new."

"Will they give her a band aid?" Penny asked innocently through a yawn.

"Yeah," Tony said with a little brightness. "That's right, baby, that's exactly what they'll do. She just needs a band aid."

"And then we can kiss it better?" she asked again.

He nodded, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. "Yeah, we'll kiss it better."

"Daddy, tired," she announced.

He stroked her hair, careful of the paper crown and he kissed her again. "Go to sleep, princess. Daddy's got you."

"Love you, daddy."

"I love you too, baby."

"Love Ima, too," she whispered sadly.

Tony sighed, stroking her hair. "Yeah, Penny, I love her too," he whispered back. "Just go to sleep, it'll be better tomorrow," he tried to assure her.

\-----------

Inside the maternity ward, Abby was hooked up to a number of wires, all of which made Gibbs swell with protection for her. Abby and Ziva were like his daughters, and having both of them in hospital on the same night was taking ten years off his life. He thought it was rather inconsiderate that she was in the same room as a woman nursing her child and another woman showing off her new child to a few visitors who were clinging to the end of visiting hours, but he didn't voice his concerns to the doctors. Instead, he went straight over to her bed, where McGee had already headed. He took up a position on the other side of the bed.

"You okay, Abs?" he asked, taking one of her hands and kissing her cheek.

"It hurts, Gibbs," she croaked up at him.

"I know it hurts," he nodded, stroking the back of her hand with his fingers. "But it'll be worth it, Abs. At the end of all this, you'll get to see your baby finally."

"Not just yet," she acknowledged a little sadly. "They're stopping my contractions."

"They can do that?" Gibbs asked, looking to McGee, who just nodded as he stroked Abby's other hand.

"Yeah," she told him. "They want me to hold on as long as possible as it's so early."

"That's good," Gibbs said. "Make sure that little one's ready."

"I'm scared, Gibbs," she whispered.

He gave her a comforting smile, and kissed her cheek again. "Don't be scared, Abby," he reassured her. "You can do this. I know you can."

"Will you be here?" she asked him hopefully. "When the baby comes? You don't have to be right in the room, but my mom and dad can't get here in time, and…"

He nodded, cutting her off. "I'll be wherever you want me to be, Abs," he said.

Abby smiled at him. "Thank you." Then, her smile faded. "Is Ziva okay?" she asked.

"There's no news yet," Gibbs told her.

"You'll tell me when there is?" she made sure. "I hate not being able to wait with you guys."

"You just worry about keeping that kid in a while longer," Gibbs instructed. "Leave the waiting to us."

\-------

When Gibbs returned to the waiting area, he saw Tony and Penny wrapped up together in a single chair, both of them fast asleep. It was almost nine o'clock now, and Ziva had been in surgery for too long to warrant not worrying. He lifted Penny's coat from the chair he'd been sitting in so that he could reclaim the seat, and as he did, he noticed a doctor walking towards them. He nudged Tony.

Tony's head snapped up, causing a crick in his neck to make it's presence known painfully. He'd not been sleeping as much as repeating a single mantra in his head with his eyes closed. Please, let her be okay, he kept begging internally. Let her live. Let me keep her. Don't take her away from me. A few times he had said the latter part aloud without realising it until Penny had shifted in her sleep at the slight disturbance. Now, with Gibbs back at his side and a doctor heading towards them he stood quickly, turning to place his sleeping daughter safely down on the seats with her coat over her as a blanket and his jacket as a pillow.

"Is she okay?" he asked the doctor quickly, almost stumbling over his words where he was speaking so quickly.

The doctor gave him a momentary smile, which alone gave Tony hope. "The good news is that Officer David has made it through the surgery. We had a momentary complication when the bullet clipped her lung, but we've managed to repair the tear and her body is responding well to the blood transfusion."

Tony frowned. "You said the good news…does that mean there's bad news?" he asked, not wanting to celebrate the fact that she was alive if there was a catch.

"After the bullet damaged her lung we had to work fast to keep oxygen in her body, and as a result she was deprived of oxygen for a few seconds. Combining this with the stress of the surgery and the injury itself caused her to slip into a coma."

Tony's face paled. "A coma?"

"When will she wake up from it?" Gibbs asked from his side.

"It's hard to say," the doctor explained. "However we expect it to be soon as her brain function is very promising." He apparently noticed the ashen expression on Tony's face and turned his focus to him. "Sir, the fact that Officer David is in a coma shouldn't be seen as a necessarily bad thing-"

"Of course it's a bad thing!" he complained. "She should be awake! She should be okay!"

"Her body is simply taking time out to rest and heal," he explained. "And if she were to wake immediately she would be in an immense amount of pain, the coma enables her body to heal enough to skip that part of the healing process."

Gibbs looked at Tony warily, unsure whether this news was going to have Tony burst into tears or attempt to hit the wall as he had done earlier. Instead, however, he did nothing. He simply took a deep breath to calm himself down and then closed his eyes, running his hands through his hair for a moment. "And when she wakes up…she'll be okay?" he asked.

The doctor nodded. "When she wakes up, there's no reason to expect anything other than a full recovery."

"So, she's okay?" Tony asked, needing to hear it one more time.

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

Tony crouched down to the ground, his hands flying up to his face. This time, he held his hands there, wiping away all the anxiety that had built up throughout the day. She was okay. She was alive. She had survived. She was going to be fine. "Oh, thank god," he said. "I get to keep her."

Gibbs turned to the doctor. "Can he see her?" he asked.

"She's in the ICU at the moment, we'll be moving her to her own room in the morning," he explained.

Gibbs indicated to the crouching man mumbling into his hands. "This man loves that woman. He's sat here all day wondering whether she's even alive. He needs to see her."

"Of course," he said. "I'll go alert the ICU then come back to escort you."

When he was gone, Gibbs bent down to Tony's level, putting his hand on his back. "Tony," he said softly.

He looked up at Gibbs. "She's okay, boss. She's okay."

"I know," he nodded. "The doctor will be back in a minute, and when he is you're going to go with him to see Ziva."

"I can see her?" he asked with a grin. Gibbs nodded, and Tony sighed with relief until something triggered in his mind and he looked behind him at the sleeping child. "But Penny…"

"I'll take her to the family room so she can get some decent sleep," he said. "I'll stay with her. I'm staying close for Abby anyway."

"Abby," he mumbled. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine, they're delaying things for a while. You just worry about Ziva now, okay? I'll worry about the rest of the girls."

Tony smirked, clearly he wasn't the only one who referred to them as 'his girls'. The doctor came back over to them. "We're ready for you, sir."


	53. Thanks For Being Here

The intensive care unit was one that Tony hadn't visited for a while. He'd been here a few years ago, waiting for one of their victims to recover, only they never had. Since then, no case had lead them to this part of the hospital. They walked down the corridor together - Tony, Gibbs and the doctor. Penny was wrapped up in her coat in Gibbs' arms. Tony had attempted to carry her himself, but had barely been able to lift her sleeping body from the chairs where he was trembling so much. He wasn't sure whether it was the relief that was reminding his body that he probably needed food and drink that wasn't coffee, or the fear of what he would discover in Ziva's room. Either way, it had stopped him from lifting Penny without fear of waking her, so Gibbs had stepped in, taking the little girl effortlessly into his arms. Penny had put her head on his shoulder, linked her arms around his neck, and gone back to sleep without so much as acknowledging who it was that held her.

The doctor came to a halt outside room one. Tony was confused for a moment when they stopped, but when he realised that they had stopped because they had gotten to Ziva's room he felt the familiar, increased thumping within his chest. He was beginning to feel as nervous and scared as he had a year ago when Penny had come into his life; not knowing what to do, how to help, how to feel. The doctor opened the door, pushing it and allowing space for Tony to enter through the new space, but he didn't move.

"Tony," Gibbs prompted when he noticed his agent has frozen in place.

Gibbs' questioning tone startled him out of his small trance and he shook himself, taking a deep breath and stepping towards the door. However, he never got through the doorway.

Even though the room was large and there was many monitors and tubes in the room that should have frightened him, it wasn't the daunting medical equipment that instilled the unfamiliar fear inside him. Instead, it was the figure in the bed that made his heart pound. "Oh, Ziva," he whispered breathlessly. She was lying still, her arms draped over the blankets that shielded the bandages from her surgery. She was still deathly pale, despite the blood transfusion she was still hooked up to. Her dark hair was spread around the white pillow beneath her like a halo of the darkness that had shaded many years of her life, her honey toned skin making the white much brighter than it already was. Still, even though he had seen many people in similar positions through his job, it was unnerving to see the tubes coming out of her arms, some draining fluid, others inserting it. There was an oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth, making sure that she didn't stop breathing. He wasn't sure why that was there if she was fine. That didn't give him the impression that she was okay.

"Don't be alarmed by the mask and the I.V.s," the doctor told him, noticing the unease on Tony's face. "It's all precautions."

But still, it was a precaution because there was a risk, and that was what alarmed him. From previous experience, he knew that people only told others not to be alarmed when there was a valid reason for being alarmed in the first place. Even though they had assured him that Ziva would eventually be okay when she woke up, he realised that until she did wake up she was still at risk, and he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to know what these risks were. A risk she'd stop breathing? Her stitches would tear? The surgery would fail? More complications?

A burning sensation behind his eyelids caused him to blink rapidly, and it was soon followed by a thick lump choking up his throat. He felt his own strength, which had been wavering for too many hours, start to disappear completely as he leaned sideways against the doorframe for support. As he did, he bowed his head down so that he couldn't see the heartbreaking scene before him anymore, and he covered his eyes with his hands (just in case a slither of the image cropped up before he was ready to look again). He tried to control his breathing as it began to overwhelm him, determined not to lose control as he already had done twice with Gibbs. But it was hard. The past year had been full of so much pain and this was just the twist of the knife in his heart on top of it all. Sleep deprivation from the past few days along with his anxiety didn't help matters with his willingness to fight the weakness that crept over him. He'd never felt so completely helpless with this much blame on top of his shoulders. He didn't care how much any of the others told him that this wasn't his fault - Ziva was his partner and if he'd done his job and watched his partner's back properly like he was supposed to, she would be okay.

After a while, in which he wasn't sure how much time had passed, a firm hand came down on his shoulder, a gentleness in its weight. He didn't have to turn to know that it was Gibbs, but he did anyway. Looking up at his boss, Tony shook his head. "What have I done to her, Boss?" he choked out.

"You did none of this, DiNozzo," Gibbs assured him.

"Look at her!" he cried out, flinging his arm behind him. "She looks…." his eyes fell on Penny and he lowered his voice. "She looks dead, boss."

Gibbs, however, didn't need to look at her. Not again. He'd already looked over Tony's shoulder and seen her lying there, lifeless but for the steady status monitors assuring them otherwise. "Get those thoughts out of your head," he instructed, watching as Tony let out a frustrated sigh and covered his eyes for a moment, still refusing to look behind him. Noticing this, Gibbs used the hand on his shoulder to physically turn him towards the room, forcing him to look at Ziva. "She's your partner," he reminded him, although that wasn't what he really needed reminding of. "You've got to go in there and get her to wake up."

Tony sniffed a little, a quiet sound which he tried to disguise from his boss, despite his previous breakdowns already being witnessed. Obediently, he took a few shaky steps into the room, seeming to stumble a little, like a lost child looking for safety, only to be met with the most horrific sight imaginable. It was almost as if he wanted to stay away, so that he couldn't see the damage his lack of protection had caused, but he knew in his heart that his rightful place was at his partners side.

Gibbs watched the younger man almost protectively, standing and waiting in case Tony had a lapse in judgement and tried to get back through the door. The doctor looked at Penny sleeping in the elder man's arms. "Would you like me to show you to the family room, sir?" he offered.

He inwardly seethed at being called 'sir', but he instead nodded, making sure that Tony was aware of their leaving first. He called into the room to tell Tony this, and he simply nodded back, looking at Penny rather than the man holding her. After that, Tony was completely oblivious to what was happening anywhere other than the room he was in.

Slowly, he approached Ziva's beside, and in a child-like way he half expected her to open her eyes, her beautiful eyes, and smile at him, telling him that he worried too much. He sat down on the chair at her bedside and took her limp hand in his, careful not to jostle any of the tubes and wires. The hand felt warm in his own, which comforted him more than he could describe. It wasn't cold like the dead. No, she was very much alive. He squeezed her hand lightly, not too tight, but enough to let her know that he was there if she could feel him. He felt himself letting out a breath, unsure that he was even holding one to begin with, but as he released it, he felt a constriction around his heart also disappearing. Now that he was at her side, rather than on the other side of the room, he could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest whilst she breathed through the oxygen mask.

Yes, she was very much alive.

\---------

Three days later, Tony raised his head from the mattress. Groaning, he ran his hand over his face. The familiar ache in the back of his head resurfaced, and he knew why instantly - he hadn't slept again. Even though he had rested, true enough, but putting his head down on the mattress with his eyes closed, he hadn't slept. He'd just lie there for hours, waiting…begging for sleep to take him far away, but it never did. Instead, whenever the desperation of sleep fought against him and his eyelids began drooping, he would lean against the edge of the mattress, much as he had done a few hours ago. Supporting his head with one arm he would keep the other locked around Ziva's hand. Part of him felt like he was abandoning her, forcing her to fight this coma alone, were he to release her hand. He didn't leave her side for anything other than something he couldn't control - for example, the time that he had realised he hadn't moved for fifteen hours, and because Gibbs was forcing him to keep hydrated at least, he suddenly realised that he really needed to go to the bathroom. Yet, the nagging fear that he wouldn't be there when she woke up had him racing back to her bedside, his heart falling every time when he saw that her eyes were still closed.

Penny stayed at Gibbs' house most of the time, something Tony was glad for. Adam was still at large, and they had no leads on the case with one agent and their forensic specialist in the hospital and the other two agents refusing to leave their sides. Adam knew where himself, Ziva and Jenny lived, so even though he was appreciative for Jenny's offer of taking care of Penny until Ziva had woken up, he had turned it down. Thankfully, Gibbs had stepped up. When he was at NCIS, Penny was with him, Ducky or Jenny, and when he was at the hospital checking on Ziva and Abby, Penny would play in the family room with either Jenny or Ducky, whoever had accompanied him. After that, she went home with Gibbs and slept there. Yesterday, she had missed Tony, so as the doctors had removed the oxygen mask in favour of a nose clip instead, he allowed her to be brought in for her nap with him. She had been half asleep when Gibbs handed her to her father, so she hadn't paid any attention to Ziva's frail body in the bed beside her. Instead, she curled up against her father and just told him how much she missed both him and Ziva.

The medical staff waltzed in an out every hour to check her vitals. Even though they continued to reassure Tony that she was making progress, he still had a nagging feeling that they suspected her stability could disappear at any moment. Why else would they be checking every hour? However, it was the same monotonous routine every time. They would come in, greet Tony, ask if there was any movement, check for themselves even though Tony would tell them that there wasn't, make their notes, ask if there was anything they could get for Tony, and when he declined their offers as he always did, they would leave.

Ziva was no longer as pale thanks to a second blood transfusion. But she was still painfully unresponsive, with her arms draped limply over the blankets, one of her hands always loosely wrapped between Tony's fingers. In the more recent hours, he'd found himself talking to her a lot. He found himself, at times, wearing his voice thin because of the constant chatter he kept up, despite the lack of response. Somehow, he'd always manage to find something to tell her from within the seemingly empty room. He'd tell her about the weather, which he only knew about because one of the nurses would open the blinds first thing in the morning. He'd tell her about Abby getting ready to have the baby. He'd tell her about Penny missing her. He'd tell her about McGee's worrying. He'd told her that Gibbs knew about them being together. With the last of these, he expected her to wake up and scream at him for telling the one person they'd tried hardest to hide this from, but when she didn't he felt himself slipping further and further away from the people who now came in to check on the both of them, not just Ziva. At least with Ziva, they could medically help her, but there was only much they could do to help Tony when he was failing to help himself.

\------------------------------

McGee was sat in the corridor outside the delivery suites. The chair underneath him felt almost alien to him. He was more collapsed into it than sitting, but still able to let his weight rest in the plastic shape. Everything was working on autopilot at the moment. His body, physically, was in the corridor, but his mind and thoughts were on the other side of the door with Abby. Leaning forward in the chair, he rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. Pressing the balls of his palms tightly into his eyes, he tried not to pay attention from the occasional screaming from Abby's contractions. The closed door wasn't soundproof, and not only was he suffering because she was suffering, but because he wasn't allowed to be there with her, and they both knew that he was only outside…so close, yet so far away.

He couldn't understand why this was happening. Not her. Not to Abby. His Abby. There shouldn't have to be any complications with her or their baby. After all, she was Abby. He'd half expected her to deliver the baby without even getting out of breath, but no, instead he'd been forced away from her because her labour was taking too long and the baby was in danger. Danger. That's all they'd explained to him before they'd basically removed him from the room. Why wouldn't they explain it in more depth to him? Because he wasn't sure they could. All they knew was that the baby was in distress. That was all they could tell him. Of course, they hadn't told Abby that in case it added any stress that would put her and the baby in more dangerous, but it was surely distressing enough to see him be dragged from her side.

"McGee!"

The sound of his name came from further down the corridor. He looked up, remaining seated and only lifting his head with a mild enthusiasm. He didn't regret calling this arrival for help, for comfort, for answers, and he had no doubt that he'd be there.

"You're here," he said simply. There were no 'where were you's or 'what took you so long's. Just 'you're here'.

"Where's Abby?" he asked.

McGee raised his head towards the closed door. "She's in there," he said quietly. "She's in there, and they won't let me go in there."

"What's wrong?" he asked hurriedly. "What's going on in there?"

McGee looked up at his companion with a broken gaze. "The baby's in distress, something to do with the labour not developing quickly enough. The longer the delivery takes, the more dangerous it gets for Abby and the baby."

Then he wasn't sitting alone anymore. Someone was beside him, waiting for news, for any scrap of information that told them Abby was okay. Out of everyone on the team, he knew that he'd find the most strength from this person. He turned his head, and looked into the eyes of the man beside him.

"Thanks for being here, Tony," he whispered.

Tony just nodded, even through his own exhaustion. "No problem, Tim."


	54. This Is How It Feels

After sitting next to McGee for fifteen minutes, Tony had beaten his own personal record. Length of time spent away from Ziva's side: fifteen minutes. It used to be four, but that was only because the bathroom was two corridors away from her room. He suspected that there was a bathroom closer, but Gibbs had lead him to that one. Probably for the walk. Probably just to get him away from Ziva's side for a moment longer than he usually would have. Probably to make him realise that there was nothing he could really do to speed the process of her waking. He hadn't liked thinking about that last one, because feeling useless usually lead to him thinking about the blame, and after Gibbs had given him a head slap and an order not to, he'd tried to stop thinking that he was to blame.

Sitting in the hall outside the delivery suites, however, he realised that although there wasn't entirely nothing he could do for Ziva (he counted being close and talking to her as helping), he could help other people more at the moment. That's why when the nurse had asked if there was anyone McGee wanted called, he had asked them to go and get Tony from intensive care. He hadn't asked for Gibbs or Ducky, he'd asked for Tony. Tony hadn't been sure how he felt about that at first, but it soon made sense. He supposed that the Probie was about the closest he had to a brother, in the same way that Abby was basically his sister. They bickered like children, they were as different as brothers could be, but in moments like this, moments of panic and change, they would drop everything to be at the other's side. Even if that was all they could do.

Just like he had been fifteen minutes ago, McGee was helplessly sunk into his chair. Tony had helped matters by getting him a cup of coffee, just as Gibbs had done for him when they had been waiting for news on Ziva's condition. McGee hadn't held the coffee, though. He'd just put it beside him on the table of magazines and continued to stare at his hands. Tony drank the coffee he brought for himself, however, because he needed as much fuel to keep him awake as possible.

After a while, twenty-six minutes, McGee had counted, one of the doctors came out of the room. McGee hadn't notices straight away, and had to rely on the sudden nudge from Tony to direct his attention to the man now standing before him.

"Mr. McGee," he announced.

Tony frowned. "Special Agent McGee," he corrected quietly. McGee gave him a curious side glance, but said nothing. Tony just shrugged in response.

"Special Agent McGee," the doctor corrected himself.

McGee looked up at him. "Can I see Abby now?" he asked, his voice on the verge of breaking and it was clear in that moment, to Tony at least, that the younger agent had been fighting back an overwhelming emotion for some time now. He recognised the break as one he'd tried to hide in his own voice.

"In a moment, yes," he confirmed. McGee experienced a sudden burst of energy, not able to get to his feet quick enough.

"Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" he asked.

The doctor didn't answer him directly, but he did offer some explanation. "We were preparing for a caesarean section, but the labour has started up more progressively again, so we are going to have Miss Scuito deliver the baby naturally."

McGee frowned. "And they'll both be okay if you do that?"

He nodded. "Yes, as long as the delivery stays on course. Miss Scuito has asked that you be with her for the birth."

"Of course," he nodded quickly.

And as quickly as he'd been called to the hallway, Tony found himself alone in it.

\--------

"Okay, Miss Scuito, you can start pushing with the next contraction," the midwife announced.

Abby looked at the woman in disbelief, wondering how, after all she was doing at the moment, there was anything else that could zap the energy out of her. What she wouldn't give for a Caf-pow right now. At least she had McGee with her, at her side with one of his arms supporting her back as she sat up, the other firmly gripping the hand that she clutched at him with her. Her own free hand was braced against the opposite side of the bed, digging her fingernails into the side of it every time a contraction hit her. Her dark hair was falling out from the single ponytail it had been pulled into - her pigtails abandoned days ago - sticking to the warm sheen covering her skin. No matter how many times McGee cooled her with a compress she felt as if she were burning up to the point of no return, and her usually alabaster skin was almost bright red from the strain of labour. Did she feel attractive at that moment? Definitely not. Yet, as McGee watched her struggling to bright their child into the world against all odds, he wondered whether he had ever seen her looking more beautiful.

"This is going to hurt, isn't it?" she realised with an inward groan.

"It's going to be fine, Abs, you'll do great," McGee assured her, kissing the side of her head from where he stood.

She turned to face him, a sudden panic in her eyes. "What if I can't do this?" she asked him.

"You can," he assured her.

"But what if I can't?" she insisted.

"Abby, look at me," he instructed, and she did. "We're going to do this together, okay? Me and you, and our baby. Think about that. Think about how exciting our life gets to be from now on…think about how it's going to feel when you get to hold the baby for the first time…watching them grow up, learn new things, smiling up at you…think about that, okay?"

The images in her head caused her to nod, her usual determination set on her face. "Okay."

Anxiously awaiting the inevitable pain, she realised that this was it. It was happening, and it was happening now. Soon, her baby would be taking its first lone breaths, and she would no longer be carrying it inside of her. She would be able to hold her child properly, see them open their eyes, hear their cries, be able to calm them. She would be able to meet her baby. It was this thought that gave her the strength to make the first push when the contraction hit her. And the second, and the third…feeling the baby move inside of her hurt more than she could ever imagine, and she didn't hesitate to vocally show her displease with the pain. The midwifes, McGee and the doctor all coached her through it, but she ignored everyone except McGee. At the end of the day, it only mattered that he was there with her, there to see their child into the world.

When the fourth contraction faded, she collapsed back onto the mattress, stopping only when McGee's arm kept her upright. "You're doing great, Abs," he told her again.

"God, it really hurts!" she groaned, her eyes winced from the pain.

The next contraction came, and Abby pushed again, the voice of the midwife reaching the head. "I can see the head, Abigail, keep going."

"See, Abs!" McGee said excitedly. "It's almost over, you're nearly there."

"One more push should do it," the midwife confirmed.

She took a deep breath, and nodded. "One more."

"One more," McGee repeated, gripping her hand tighter.

One more was enough, and moments later the sound of Abby's pain was replaced with another sound, a sound so innocent and new that it could only be the first cry of a newborn baby. McGee grinned as he looked towards the cry, seeing a glimpse of his child being wrapped into a blanket and being whisked away for checks. However, he managed to see a glimpse of the child's face.

"You hear that, Abs?" he asked her. "That's our baby."

"Our baby," Abby repeated, her breath returning slowly as she leaned against McGee. "We did it," she grinned suddenly.

"Yeah, we did."

\---------

McGee left the delivery suite and went into the hall, but he was surprised to find that not only was Tony still there waiting, but he wasn't alone. He expected Tony to have gone back to Ziva's side and wait for news on Abby and the baby there, but he looked like he hadn't even moved from his seat. On one side of him, Ducky was sat with a plastic cup of tea balanced on his knee. On the other side, Gibbs was actually pacing a little. They all looked up as the door closed behind him, all exploding with questions.

"Abby okay?"

"Is the baby okay?"

"How are they?"

McGee grinned. "Everything's great," he confirmed. "Mother and baby both doing great." The three men approached him, all giving him the trademark pats on the back and hugs that went with this moment: fatherhood. "Abby's being taken up to the ward, she's exhausted so she's getting some sleep. She got to hold the baby first though, so she's really happy. They took the baby before we could see, though, to make sure that everything was okay considering all the complications along the way. Everything's fine though, perfectly healthy, ten fingers and toes."

"Congratulations, Tim," Gibbs told him, using his first name for once with a hand on the younger agents shoulder.

"Thanks, boss," he grinned. "Abby uh…she wanted me to take you up to see the baby," he told him.

"We can see the baby already?" Tony asked with all the enthusiasm of a child.

"It's not unusual, Anthony," Ducky told him. "I, for one, would be delighted to meet the newest addition to our family."

"He should know who his grandfather and uncles are," McGee agreed. Gibbs looked at him, but McGee just shrugged. "Abby insisted it all along, but she didn't want you to know until the baby was actually here," he explained.

"Why not?" Gibbs asked.

"Because she knew you'd try and talk her out of it," he pointed out. "She knew you'd think differently once he was born."

"He?" Tony questioned.

McGee nodded at Tony, with an excitement and pride on his features that they rarely saw on his face. "Yeah," he nodded. "Yeah, we had a boy."

"You had a son?" Tony asked. He nodded again, but braced himself for jokes about testosterone levels and manliness, however they never came. Instead, Tony clapped his hands on McGee's shoulders and gave him a grin. "Nice one, Probie. I'm really happy for you both."

There was something suspicious about the grin, and McGee frowned a little. "Did you by any chance win the pool?" he asked.

Tony coughed and stepped back. "So, we can see the baby, yeah?" he asked, distracting him from the original question.

\-------

The baby boy was still on his own, away from the rest of the babies while the nurses finished their tests. They entered the area to see the nurse standing over the new baby, who was lying on his back inside one of the clear plastic cradle, a blue blanket folded at the base of the cradle. He'd already been changed into one of the plain white sleep suits that Abby had packed. On his wrist was a tiny I.D. tag reading 'Baby Scuito' as they had yet to name the boy. That would change once the name had been recorded. McGee stood over his son, immediately smiling at the boy and stroking his head. The boy wasn't crying anymore, as he was sleeping, yet even in his slumber he sought out the owner of the hand. McGee smiled more deeply, allowing his son to hold tight to his little finger.

"Looks a lot like his dad," Gibbs noticed immediately.

"Wow, lucky him," Tony said sarcastically.

"You're supposed to congratulate new fathers, Anthony, not tease them," Ducky scolded lightly.

"I think he looks more like Abby," McGee compromised. "Around the eyes definitely. Her lips, too." He kept his eyes on the baby, too busy watching the life before him to listen to the observations of his co-workers. He was transfixed by the tiny, sleeping child, who had been fighting most of his life already. He was strong, and if the grip on his finger didn't prove that, the obstacles he had survived through already did. "That's my son," he whispered in awe, never drawing his eyes away from the child.

"Sure is, Probie," Tony confirmed.

"So this is how it feels to be a dad, huh?"

"That depends," Tony pointed out. "Overwhelmed, panicky, helpless…" he noticed Gibbs glare at him, so he quickly went down a different line. "…amazed, responsible, proud…"

"Overwhelmed, definitely," McGee agreed.

"You'll do fine, Tim," Gibbs assured him.

And as they stood there, watching the sleeping breaths of Baby Scuito, 5lbs 6oz, Tony couldn't help but feel like someone was missing.

\-------------

Later that afternoon, Tony was joined in Ziva's room by Gibbs. The elder man brought in his hands a vase of yellow roses. Tony frowned at them questionably. "Abby's been swamped with flowers," Gibbs explained. "She wanted Ziva to have some."

"Oh," Tony said simply. "She likes yellow roses."

"Yeah, Abby said," he replied. "Is there any change?" Gibbs asked, as he rounded to the other side of the bed and touched Ziva's other hand gently.

Tony shook his head, the same notion he repeated every time someone asked him that question. He hated that this was always his answer. He wanted to be able to say that there had been a change, but he couldn't. He wanted to see her awake again. He wanted to see her smiling, to hold her in his arms and assure her that everything was okay. He even missed their arguing, the petty disagreements. He'd rather live their worse arguments together than see her like this for another second. "They said she's still sleeping pretty deeply," he remembered.

Gibbs looked at his agent. It was no secret that he had barely left the room for days, and he had certainly not left the hospital. Spending some time with McGee and the new baby that afternoon had been good for him, as it had given him something to focus on other than the gloom of Ziva's unchanging room. He'd had a reason to smile, a reason to be happy, if only for a while. Gibbs knew that Tony had spent several hours up in the nursery with McGee while Abby was still sleeping, looking at the baby through the glass window after the nurses had moved him into the room with the rest of the newborns. He knew that both men had matching pictures on their cell phones of the new baby. But the second he had returned to Ziva's side, the exhaustion had been evident again.

His hair was messed, an in places it was even standing on ends from the amount of times he had run his fingers through it in frustration - and when was the last time he'd showered? Gibbs didn't know, and he didn't want to know either. The bags underneath his eyes looked so deep in his skin that they might have been fit to stay. Yes, these were the eyes of a man who was too haunted to sleep, he'd seen this eyes reflected in his mirror when he'd lost his wife and daughter so many years ago. The only thing that hadn't faded about Tony's appearance was the glimmer of hope as he watched Ziva sleep.

"Tony, get out of here," he said softly.

Tony looked up at him, his face a picture of confusion. "Boss?"

"You're no help to Ziva in this state," he pointed out.

Tony frowned slightly. "We've been through this boss, I'm not going anywhere," he said stubbornly as he stroked Ziva's palm with his thumb.

"Go home," he repeated. "Jenny wants to come and see the new baby, Ducky's bringing her by in an hour. You're going to go and collect Penny, spend the night with her at home, eat something, get some sleep, and then bring Penny in the morning to see the baby." Tony's eyes flickered away from Ziva when his daughters name was mentioned. Gibbs noticed this and put his hand on Tony's shoulder. "Your daughter needs you too, Tony. She's confused, she misses you…she misses Ziva. She needs you to tell her that things will be okay."

"Things will be okay when Ziva wakes up," he argued.

"And what happens when she does?" Gibbs challenged him. "She's going to need taking care of."

"Yeah, I got that," he nodded.

"How the Hell are you going to do that if you can't even take care of yourself?" he demanded.

Tony sighed, running his hands through his hair and messing it up even more. "I have to be here," he said quietly.

"Go home, just for the night," Gibbs instructed him again. "One night."

He shook his head. "I'm not leaving her," he insisted, his voice full of emotion.

"Tony-"

"You don't understand, I have to be here when she wakes up!" he said sharply, still trying to control himself but constantly battling the person inside of him who wanted to strike out at anything who tried to take him from Ziva's side. He'd spent enough time away from her today. Why didn't anyone understand that he had to be there?

"She won't be alone," Gibbs pointed out. "I'll stay."

Tony sighed heavily, dipping his head a little. He knew that Gibbs was right, but admitting it right now was hard for him. "Boss-"

"Any change, I'll call you," he assured.

Tony looked back to Ziva, wondering what she would say right now, if she were awake? Internally, he laughed. He knew exactly what she'd say. She'd tell him how ridiculous he looked and that he was worrying over nothing. She'd force him away until he was back on his feet, rested and relaxed enough to properly deal with the situation at hand. She'd make him take care of himself, just like everyone else was doing. It was just different when she was telling him. He knew that when she told him she wasn't just saying it for the good of the job. She would take care of him, and now he had to take care of her. But to do that, he needed to do what everyone was telling him to do and leave the room.

"Okay," he decided, standing up from the seat which had been a home to him in the past few days. He looked down at Ziva, still holding her hand in his. He squeezed it tightly and leaning down, he placed a kiss on her forehead. His lips lingered, brushing against her skin as he spoke. "I'll be back soon, Zi," he whispered quietly, his heart heavily when she didn't respond to the caress of his lips as she usually did. Giving her hand one last squeeze, he turned and headed to the door.

"Oh, and DiNozzo?" Gibbs said to him. "Shave. I don't care what girls think of the stubble, it's not working and never will. You look like you should be sleeping in a doorway."

Tony smirked to himself, but didn't turn back. If he turned back, he'd see Ziva, and if he looked back at her, he knew that he wouldn't be able to leave her.


	55. If You Don't Like It

Tony lifted Penny up onto his hip, showing her the rows of babies in their plastic cribs through the glass. He gazed over through all the surnames on the front of the cribs, each written on a card with whatever sex the baby was…blue, Crossman…pink, Bailey…pink, Matthews…blue, Greenwood…

The morning had come around in a different way for him. In one way, it seemed to have occurred too quickly and when he opened his eyes he found himself desperately clinging to sleep despite the need to Ziva. But when he thought of that need to be at Ziva's side, the night seemed to drag on into the early hours of the morning, staring at the cell phone just waiting for it to ring. He'd made sure that he plugged it in to charge the second he walked through the door with Penny. Thankfully him and Gibbs had the same cell phone, it made things considerably easier when they ended up at another team mate's house.

They hadn't been allowed to go home. Jenny reminded him of that when he arrived at the NCIS building to collect Penny. With Adam still on the loose, something he'd been less than thrilled to discover, their apartment and the house used in the mission were both targets. For all they knew, Adam was having them both watched, the same went for Ziva's apartment. They knew that Jenny was staying over at Gibbs' house (he wasn't going to ask questions, but he had his suspicions) because her house was still being treated as a crime scene, so they had opted to do the same. Gibbs wouldn't be home because he had promised to stay at Ziva's side in Tony's absence, and Jenny had gone with Ducky to visit Ziva and then Abby and the new baby. They would have the house to themselves. So he had collected Penny, gotten the dog from down in the garage (where he made a very sincere apology about the state of the garage, trying not to sound too self righteous by pointing out that maybe they should have taken the dog outside to do his business) and headed to Gibbs' house.

…blue, Webber….pink, Richardson…blue, Johnson…where was the damn baby? Surely he was too young to be playing hide and seek?

When they had arrived in Gibbs' house, Tony's first port of call had been to bath Penny and put her in her pyjamas, then sit her down in front of the television while he jumped in the shower. The hot water hitting his exhausted muscles had been more relief than he imagined sleep would be, and he felt the cramping from sitting in the same position at Ziva's bedside for so long start to subside. After getting clean and comfortable, he thought about food. Yes, he was starving. He'd only denied the rumble in his stomach because getting food would mean leaving Ziva's side. He ordered in pizza, knowing that it was a safe option for both himself and Penny, and it meant minimal scavenging in Gibbs' kitchen.

But then it wasn't quite bedtime, and they had been bored. Not so much him, but Penny definitely was restless. What was there to do in Gibbs' house? All he did was build his boat. Tony attempted to tell his hyperactive daughter this, and the answer had presented itself: the boat. He wasn't sure that Gibbs would appreciate them attempting to paint his latest boat, but he was pretty sure that he'd react with less violence when he explained that it was Penny's idea, and that it was mainly Penny's flowers covering the hull.

After that, they had ended up back in the bath for Penny, because she was now covered in paint. They had gone up to bed, the two of them huddled on the bed in the spare room. The house was silent in the absence of its residents, and after a made up on the spot story for Penny's benefit, the questions had started. Where was Ziva? She was still with the doctors. Why? Because she was still hurting. Why was she hurting? Because somebody nasty hurt her. Who was it? Just somebody nasty. When was she coming home? Soon. Not now? No, not now. Why not? Because she was still sleeping. Why couldn't she sleep at home? Because she's already asleep. Couldn't she be carried to bed? No, she had to stay with the doctors. Is she ever coming home? Of course. Then came the worst question of all.

"Ziva's not gonna be an angel, is she?"

Tony's breath had caught in his throat at that question, looking down at the heartbroken, confused little girl in his arms - terrified of her adopted mother becoming an angel like her birth mother. He'd kissed her forehead, holding her even closer, reassuring both himself and his daughter that Ziva was going to wake up and be fine.

…pink, Manning…blue, Hughes…pink, Hicks….oh come on, where was he?

McGee had sent them a text message early in the morning, a little before six am. Tony had lunged for his phone the second the message tone had played, while instructing Penny to get her shoes ready. Whether the message was good or bad, he knew they'd be going back to the hospital. The message hadn't come from Gibbs as he expected, however, but from McGee. It contained another photo of the new baby, this time wrapped up in Abby's arms (he could tell from the dog collar wrist band she was wearing alongside the hospital tag) and a name underneath.

…blue, Scuito-McGee…

"There!" Tony announced, pointing his finger towards the baby that his eyes had settled on. Moving along the window a little until they were right in front of him, he continued to indicate which baby they should be looking at. "You see him?"

Penny leaned outwards of Tony's arms, causing him to readjust his grip on her, until her face was pressed up against the window. "Yeah!" she said, her voice filled with awe.

"That's your new cousin," he explained.

"What's his name?" Penny asked, just as excited.

"His name's Caleb," Tony told her, checking the message on his cell phone to check that he got it right. "Caleb Scuito-McGee."

"Caaaylebbbb," she said in a long drawl, testing out the name for herself.

"That's right," he praised on her pronunciation.

Penny grinned. "Now Auntie Abby and Uncle Probie have a baby like you do!" she realised.

"They sure do," he laughed - his first real laugh in days.

"But I'm not a baby anymore, am I, daddy?" she said, still not taking her eyes off the tiny baby she was told was her new cousin.

Tony kissed the top of her head. "You're always gonna be my baby," he told her softly.

"Even when I've got lots of babies too?" she tested him.

He resisted the temptation to tell her that she wasn't allowed to start dating until she was sixty. "Even then," he assured her instead.

Dropping that conversation, Penny tilted her head to the side. "Caleb looks funny," she said.

"That's because he's so little," Tony explained.

"He's all wrinkly," she pointed out, smearing her hand against the window before them.

"He won't be for long," he continued.

"Can he play with me yet?" she asked.

Tony shook his head, watching her shoulders fall with a dramatic groan of impatience. "He's not big enough yet," he told her. "He's got to learn to crawl and walk first before he can keep up with you."

She nodded, and proudly announced her following statement as if she were the only person in the world to know it. "Babies don't talk yet, too."

"No, we've got to teach him that as well," Tony confirmed.

Penny turned away from the window the frown at him. "Isn't that Uncle Probie and Auntie Abby's job?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure we can help them out a bit."

"Good," she announced, nodding firmly. "'cause I gotta look after him 'cause he don't got a big sister."

"No, he hasn't," he followed.

"He's got a big cousin instead, and I'll look after him."

Tony smiled, giving her another kiss. "That's my girl," he praised.

Penny giggled to him, giving him a cuddle before going back to her inquisitive questions. There was no end to her wonderings, but he was happy to answer her questions as long as they distracted him from things that would end his smiles, and providing she didn't ask any questions about how the baby got into Abby's stomach to begin with. At the moment, she seemed thankfully preoccupied with how tiny and cute the baby was and how many eyelashes he had and how amazing it was that he had fingernails than asking those questions.

"Hey," McGee announced, as he joined the father and daughter outside the window.

They looked at him, Penny leaning away from the window to give her uncle a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "McDaddy-O," Tony greeted.

"I'm glad you're here, Abby wants to see you guys," he said.

Penny perked up. "Me too?" she asked.

"Of course, you too!" McGee told her.

Penny grinned at this. "Abby doing okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, she's doing great," McGee grinned. "I'm just bringing the baby up to see her, but she wanted to see you if you were here at all. I had to update his name first, though."

"You're not calling him Caleb?" Tony asked, confused.

"His name's Caleb," McGee confirmed. "We just decided that we wanted a middle name for him after all," he said, indicating to the new name tag being placed in front of the baby Scuito-McGee.

Caleb Anthony Scuito-McGee

\-----

"You named him after me."

Abby looked up as Tony appeared at the side of her bed, Penny absent from his side. She grinned at him. He could still see that she was exhausted, but if nothing else, she was ecstatically happy. "Hey, Tony."

"Why me?" he asked, still confused as to why she had given her son his name for a middle name.

"Because you're family," she said, as if that explanation were enough. "Okay, so maybe it wasn't my decision. Timmy wanted it."

Now he was even more confused. "Probie wanted to name his son after me?"

She nodded softly, sitting up more comfortably in the bed. "He wanted me to explain because you'd probably make fun of him or something," she told him. He opened his mouth to protest, but she continued, cutting him off. "He told me about the scare we had, how you stayed with him."

"I wasn't gonna make him wait through that alone, Abs-" he tried to justify.

"What about yesterday?" she asked him.

"What about it?"

"You left Ziva's side to sit with him," she pointed out. "The place you wouldn't move from for anything."

"He asked for me," he shrugged.

"You came through for him time after time, Tony. It's like your brothers or something. He wanted Caleb to have a middle name after someone close to us, someone he could explain to Caleb when he's older that he's named after somebody great. He chose you."

Tony looked at her, frowning a little. "He chose me," he repeated softly.

"Is Timmy on his way?" Abby asked, changing the subject impatiently.

"Yeah, he's bringing Caleb up with him," he explained. "Penny wanted to help him, so she's following up with him."

Abby nodded, grinning at the thought of seeing her baby, but then her smile faded a little as she reached out for Tony's hand. "Any news on Ziva?" she asked softly.

Tony shook his head. "Gibbs stayed with her for the night so I could take Penny back to his for some sleep."

"That's good," Abby praised.

"No, it's not," he sighed. "I should have stayed with her. Hell, she shouldn't be here in the first place."

"But she's getting better, right?" she checked.

"I think so," Tony nodded. "The doctors keep saying she's making progress. Which is good."

"Great," Abby smiled. "Because she's got someone little and gorgeous to meet."

Tony nodded, knowing that Ziva was going to kick herself when she found out she missed Caleb's birth. However, he quickly turned serious. "Abs, before the others get here to witness me being soppy, I want to thank you," he said quickly, glancing around the ward to check that none of the others had walked in yet.

"What for?" she asked him.

"For all your help with Penny," he reminded her. "The past nine months have been really hard, and you really helped with that. Penny adores you. We were kinda the originals, you know? We were like siblings long before McGee and Ziva joined the team. And now you've got McGee and Caleb…you've got your own family. I can't expect you to keep on looking out for me, not when we're both looking out for our own kids. But before we step back and realise that we're twenty years down the line or something, I want to thank you for…just for being you," he smiled.

Abby sniffled slightly, smiling at him with tears in her eyes, so strong that she actually had to wipe the underneath of her eyes with the back of her hand. "Tony, I'm still pretty hormonal. Try not to make me cry again," she warned him lightly.

"I mean it, Abs," he told her warmly.

"You can make it up to me with plenty of babysitting," she told him playfully.

He smirked, nodding as she hugged him. "Sure thing, Abs."

"Baby Caleb's here!" Penny announced as she ran into the ward ahead of McGee. Tony winced as she almost ran into the back of a ward attendants legs, but she skidded to a halt in time, smiled in apology and then continued on to where she launched herself at her father, climbing into his lap so she could watch McGee placing Caleb into his mother's arms. He caught Penny in his arms, and held her onto his hip as he stood up, going over to where McGee stood beside Abby. When McGee stood up again, he found himself face to face with Tony.

"I think you and I need to have a little chat, Probie," Tony told him.

McGee looked a bit panicky. "Why?" he asked. Tony said nothing, and so McGee looked at Abby. "What did you tell him?" he asked her.

Abby didn't so much as look up from where she was cooing at her son. Penny wriggled onto the mattress, out of Tony's arms, as she crawled carefully to sit in front of Abby on her knees. Abby manoeuvred the baby in her arms slightly so that Penny could see into the mass of blankets, the two of them whispering 'aw's over the top of the baby's head.

"Caleb Anthony?" Tony questioned. "Why do you want to go wasting your first born away with a middle name like that?"

McGee shrugged, a proud smile on his face showing that he wasn't regretting the decision. "I figured he should be named after his godfather."

"Why don't you give him a good name?" Tony asked. "'Cause he'll be stuck with this for life, you know."

"I know," he nodded. "I think Anthony's a good middle name for him."

Caleb made a gentle cry and then settled again. Both men turned to look at him, seeing Penny being shown how to gently stroke the soft tufts of hair on the top of Caleb's head, the two of them having matching looks of pride as they looked at their children interacting for the first time together.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Tony told him quietly.

McGee turned to look at him again. "Abby told you it was my idea, didn't she?"

"Wasn't it?" he asked.

"Well, yeah," he said simply. "If you don't like it…"

"Oh, I'm not saying that!" Tony announced quickly. "There are a shortage of great men to be named after these days, and I'd hate for the kids at school to realise that the kid's middle name is 'Ducky'."


	56. She Said My Name

A week is a long time to wait when you're waiting for the woman you love to wake up. The whole world seemed a lot darker, because he had never felt more alone in his life. He felt alone, but he was never actually by himself during daylight. Gibbs would come every morning before he went into work, bringing coffee and breakfast (both of which would be forced down. Abby would come at lunchtime. She would bring Caleb with her, sometimes Penny. He felt bad that Abby was minding Penny full time while she was supposed to be using her maternity leave to be adjusting to becoming a mother and getting to know her new son, but she insisted that she didn't mind. Penny, of course, adored being around her new baby cousin, but she was always ecstatic to see her father.

The first time she had seen Ziva in her room was a side of her that he hadn't seen since visiting Alicia with her. She was withdrawn, clinging to him as she stared at Ziva's unmoving body. He'd comforted her, showing her that her hand was warm, and then showing her the area on her wrist where her pulse was beating strong - something that comforted him in the hours he spent alone in her side. He'd had to show Penny that both himself and Abby also had pulses in their wrists before she was reassured that Ziva wasn't an angel.

Ducky would stop by during the afternoon, unless he was required for an autopsy. The elder man would come and sit in the spare chair on Ziva's other side, offer him a plastic cup of tea rather than the coffee that everyone else did, and proceed to keep him up to date on the goings on at NCIS. Only rarely did they speak about Ziva's condition further than the 'any change?' 'no' exchanged before any other greetings. Except on the seventh day. He was a little glad for the company, because Abby had to take Caleb for a check with the paediatrician to check his growth was on target so she hadn't visited for lunch.

"How is she this morning?" Ducky asked as he sat down at Ziva's other side, just as he did every time.

"Same," he grunted back. He didn't mean to sound so indifferent, but his voice was so rarely used now that it seemed naturally gravely.

Ducky sat in silence for a while, touching Ziva's hand gently, just as all her visitors did, before he asked the question that had left him wondering for quite some time. "Why do I believe you are much closer to our Ziva than you've originally let on?" he asked, remembering how Tony had needed rush home for that all important conversation, how he had half-confessed his feelings for Ziva to Ducky, but had never given him a real explanation. There had certainly been no signals between the two to suggest that the conversation had become something more than just discussed feelings.

"I can't lose her," was Tony's answer.

Ducky watched Tony looking down at the woman in the bed. There must have been some intensely strong feelings on his part, at least, because there was an emotion in his eyes, one that Ducky had rarely seen in his eyes before. A determination, but a softness, a hope that refused to waver. "She will wake up, Anthony," he said, an encouraging tone in his voice. "For you."

Tony smirked, but the movement didn't travel to his eyes. "Every day they say she'll wake up," he pointed out. "She hasn't yet."

"When she does, she'll see the one she loves at her side," Ducky assured him. Tony tore his eyes away from Ziva to look at him, his eyebrows knitted together. "My dear boy, you aren't hiding your emotions as well as you might have intended to."

Tony sighed, shaking his head. "I guess it's not that much of a secret anymore."

"Who knows?" Ducky asked.

"Gibbs," he said simply. "Abby might suspect, but…only Gibbs for sure."

Ducky nodded slowly. "I am glad that the two of you have embraced your feelings. You have been denying things for too long. You, particularly. You have that look in your eyes when you find her in a crowd."

Tony smiled, this time it reached his eyes a little. He held Ziva's hand tighter, bringing it up to his lips to kiss her knuckles. He didn't need to fight those little urges around Ducky, the same with Gibbs. He could reach for her hand a little tighter, he could keep the loving look in his eyes. "Yeah, I've been told," he nodded.

"By Jethro?" he asked.

He shook his head, stroking the back of Ziva's hand. "By her," he said simply. There was no doubt which 'her' he was talking about.

When the visitors left, that was when the darkness set in. He knew that he wasn't going to forget this feeling for the rest of his life. Without a doubt, he was in love with Ziva. The moment he had taken her in her arms in the hall, holding her as her life slipped away from her, had been enough to send his head and his heart into some dark place, where he was helpless to do anything except wait.

He hurt. His heart actually hurt. He always thought that the expression of feeling your heart breaking was just words to try and explain to someone how it felt to lose the person you loved. However, the person he loved wasn't gone, she was still in front of him, and yet there was still a pain in his chest that begged for some sedation against it. The only person who could take that pain away was the one person he was sitting there and fighting.

She was still deathly pale, with her arms draped limply over the blankets, one of her hands always loosely wrapped between Tony's fingers. He let out a loud exhale, forcing control over himself. He'd been a complete wreck for most of the night, after McGee had left. Fatherhood was definitely treating the Probie well - he was already enforcing dinner on Tony. But after that, he'd stopped fighting it. Exhaustion was doing nothing to help his struggle, either. The temptation to break down was getting stronger and stronger. The fact remained, however, that it had been a week without seeing her eyes, even though she was right in front of him. But he refused to break down. Every time the choking feeling rose up, he would bite it back down even if it drained the last hint of energy from him. It wasn't going to help Ziva. It wasn't going to make her wake up, and it wasn't going to get him anywhere either. If there was one thing being around Ziva had shown him, it was that letting out your emotions didn't work if you didn't have someone to hold you.

However, it wasn't all doom and gloom. Hope had been reignited in him since the medical staff had removed the oxygen mask in favour for a nose clip, stating that her breathing was much stronger now. That had even brought a tiny smile to his lips, knowing that her strength was truly increasing. The tubes in her arms, too, were diminishing day by day. Painkillers were no longer flowing into her body, numbing the pain that was partially the reason for her unconsciousness, and there was only a single tube running between her body and the medical equipment. This was keeping her hydrated, feeing her the nutrients she couldn't provide for herself, which didn't worry Tony nearly as much as the painkillers had. After all, this was simply healing her body in the same way in which somebody would get over the flu - keep eating and keep drinking.

"Please, Zi…" he whispered into the night, bringing one of her hands up to his cheek, holding it there while he reached out to stroke her dark hair. "You gotta wake up now. Move…open your eyes…anything. Just…anything. I need to know that you're okay. It's been a week. That's long enough, right? I keep trying to believe that you're going to be okay, but until you're awake, I can't believe it."

The choking sensation returned, but he knew that fighting it off was useless now. He sniffed back against it, but he didn't fight too hard. "I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you," he whispered desperately. "But that can't happen, right?"

In the more recent hours, he'd found himself talking to her a lot. At times, his voice was worn thick because of the constant chatter he kept up despite the lack of response. Somehow, he'd found countless things to tell her about from within the empty room. He'd tell her about the weather, which he only knew about because somebody had opened the blinds that morning. He'd tell her about Caleb being named after him. He'd tell her anything about Caleb. He'd almost gotten his phone out and tried to show her the wallpaper on his home screen of the infant. He'd tell her about how McGee had asked for him to sit with him. He'd tell her how he and Penny had painted Gibbs boat (and half the basement floor). There was always something.

\-----

"Boss, I think you should get down here."

The call came from a thick, emotional voice. Gibbs could almost picture Tony leaning up against the wall, cell phone in one hand, running his other through his already messy hair. He threw his coffee cup, already empty, into the trash. "What happened?" he asked, walking towards his car even though he'd only just arrived at the Navy yard. He braced himself for bad news, but instead, Tony actually laughed down the phone.

"I think she's waking up," he choked out. "I was talking to her, and she started mumbling things."

"Things?" he questioned, getting into the car and turning on the ignition.

"I think they were Hebrew," he said. "But there was one thing…" he trailed off, as if composing for a moment.

"What was it?" he asked.

Tony took a shuddering breath, so loud that Gibbs heard it even over the roar of the engine pulling out of the parking space. "My name," he whispered, clearing his throat and repeating it louder. "She said my name, boss."

\-----------

The entire team spent the morning in the hospital. Gibbs had called Jenny, who had informed McGee and Ducky they were meeting at the hospital. Ducky had brought Jimmy. McGee had stopped through and collected Abby, which unfortunately meant dragging both Penny and Caleb back to the hospital, but they all wanted to be there. Lunch would have been abandoned, forgotten completely had it not been for Penny starting to jump around the waiting area complaining that she was hungry - after all, she had been ushered into a car halfway through her breakfast. While the team waited outside, Tony remained at Ziva's side, holding her hand even tighter and urging her to wake up. He ended up ignoring the sandwich that Abby brought into him. She took Penny with her, letting the little girl sit on her father's lap through the official visiting hours so that she, too, could talk to Ziva - of course, she simply recited her favourite bedtime stories rather than use her father's constant mantra of 'please, wake up'.

As the afternoon began, the team would take it in turns to check in the room every ten minutes to see what was happening. Most of the time they stood outside, watching through the window in the door as Tony stayed stationary at her side. Ziva mumbled incoherently every so often, with more mention of Tony's name escaping her lips. Whilst Penny had been in the middle of a rather jumbled version of Hansel and Gretel, Ziva had whispered Penny's name, which had pleased them both to no end. Penny was pleased that Ziva had said her name, rather than just Tony's, and Tony was pleased because it showed she was more aware of her surroundings if she could hear and distinguish Penny. Other than that, their hopes remained shaking, waiting for her condition to improve just an inch more, enough for her to wake.

After the nurse had checked in shortly after three in the afternoon, he felt the need to change his mantra. "Hey," he whispered, in little more than a whisper. It didn't feel strange to talk to her anymore, but he knew that the team would no doubt be able to hear if he spoke any louder, especially since they could already see through the window into the room. "I know you can hear me, Zi. You've made it this far. You'll be in the clear as long as you just open your eyes. I know you can do it. Even if it's just for a second." He lifted her hand to his mouth, kissing it and vaguely hearing a gasp from behind them. After, he rested his head forward on their clasped hands, exhausted. "Please," he begged.

The first thing Ziva was aware of was a dull pain throbbing through her torso. It wasn't unbearable, just annoying, and with that was the feeling of being pulled back into sleep, despite feeling as though she had slept for ages. Once she had located the source of the pain, she tried to figure out what had happened. Where was she? Her eyelids still felt so heavy, and although she could hear things happening around her she couldn't open her eyes. She tried to force herself, having finally left the limbo-like state she had been suspended in for so long, but it didn't work. Giving up on visuals, she turned to her other senses. Touch. Someone was touching her, holding her hand. She knew those hands, she trusted those hands. Smell. An almost metallic clean smell. Sound. Beeping…

She knew that sound, that beeping, she'd heard it before. Machines…monitors. She was in hospital. Why? What was going on? What had happened? Then, she heard another sound of the machines, thick with crying but unmistakable in identity. "Please, Zi, wake up,"

There was only one person in the world who called her 'Zi'. Tony. Tony was the one beside her. Tony was the one she could feel holding her hand. She tried to call out to him, but her voice came out in a low moan instead.

"Ziva?" Tony questioned, hearing the moan and snapping his head up quickly. He got another moan in response and he stood up from the chair, letting it tumble underneath him as he moved closer to the bed. "Ziva, can you hear me?"

"To…" she tried to say, before being cut of with another moan. "Tony?"

"Shh," he whispered. "Don't try to talk, okay? I'm going to get the nurse."

He pressed the call button, looking over his shoulder to give everyone a relieved nod. He didn't have time to register the excited bounce that Abby had, or the grins as everyone hugged each other. Instead, he turned back to Ziva, looking down at her as her eyes finally fluttered open. Just a little at first, but there was a slither of those chocolate brown eyes that he had missed. Her eyes were unfocused at first, before they settled on him.

"Tony," she groaned again.

"I'm right here," he told her, sitting down on the edge of the mattress, taking hold of her hand again and placing a hand on her cheek. "I'm here."

"Hurts," she muttered desperately, going to press down on the source of the pain as one would with an ache from cramp. He took hold of her hand, keeping it away from the area.

"It's okay," he assured her. "You're gonna be fine, Zi."

"Hurts," she repeated.

At that moment, her doctor came into the room, giving her a smile. "Welcome back, Miss David," he told her, but she was in no place to greet him back. She barely gave him her attention as he checked her responses, asked her questions about the year, the president, and to all their relief, gave her some painkillers. After that, he turned back to Tony. "She'll recover just fine now," he assured her. "We'll keep her here until the morning to save moving her, but tomorrow we'll move her onto a ward."

"Thank you," Tony nodded, and the doctor disappeared.

Now that they were alone, or as alone as they could be without the team watching them, he moved closer to her. The affect of the painkiller entering her system was almost immediate, and even though Ziva could still feel the pain it was more bearable, so her whimpers stopped. However, when Tony reached out to her, she moved against his touch, trying to bring him closer. "Ziva?" he asked softly. She looked up at him, and raised her hand with some considerable effort to touch his cheek.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice hoarse where it hadn't been used. He closed his eyes, capturing the hand in his to hold it in place against his face.

"I thought I'd lost you," he offered by way of explanation.

"Adam," she remembered suddenly. She looked down at her torso, where underneath the blankets she was aware of a radiating ache and the presence of bandages.

"It's okay, you're going to be fine," he assured her again.

"How long?" she asked, her voice struggling to keep up with the amount of questions she wanted answering.

"Just over a week," he explained. "You've missed some things, but the others want to tell you before I do," he said.

"You have been here the whole time?" she asked him.

"I wouldn't have been anywhere else," he assured her, stroking along her jaw line with his thumb.

"Why?" she asked, even though the slither of a smile told him that she was glad to find him at her side.

"Because I love you," he smiled softly - a very female and bubbly gasp was heard from outside the room - "I was terrified, Ziva," he admitted, needing to get it off his chest. "You stopped breathing and they had to resuscitate you…I just…I was holding you and you looked at me and you stopped breathing. I was so scared I'd lost you. Then it took hours for them to save you and we waited and waited…and when they finally let me see you again you were so pale…so still…" he felt himself getting choked up, and he held her hand tightly. "I thought you were dead, Zi, I really did." By now there were more tears in his eyes but he didn't want to cry again. He had no reason to, other than relief, and it wasn't that which was getting him emotional, but rather the memory that would haunt him forever. He didn't think he'd ever forget seeing her for the first time like that. "I've missed you so much," he told her. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered back.

"No, I mean it, Ziva," he told her seriously. "You're everything to me. You and Penny make up my life and I don't want that to change. Without you…it just isn't worth it. This week has been a nightmare. I could barely get by a week without you, what if I'd had to do it permanently?" he shook his head. "I nearly lost you, Ziva. I was terrified that I'd never get to tell you how much I loved you again. Hell, I was crying to Gibbs about it! I don't tell you how much I love you nearly enough. I should tell you more. I'm going to from now on. Don't ever doubt that I love you, okay?"

She smiled at him, touching her hand to his hair. Yes, it clearly needed a wash. He hadn't been lying when he said he'd spent most of his time at the hospital with her. "Okay," she said simply. "As long as you do not doubt that I also love you."

Hearing this when, for a moment, he'd been afraid he'd never hear it again, almost brought back the lump in his throat and he leaned forwards. Supporting himself with his arms either side of her, their lips joined in the kiss they both needed. It was soft, perhaps softer than they'd ever kissed before, even with that first gentle kiss, but it was so passionate, so filled with love, desire and relief, that they couldn't have replaced it. When they parted, resting their foreheads together, they stole small, chaste kisses before little the gap between them get too large.

As soon as he was sitting upright again, he felt a hand connect with the back of his skull. Reeling forwards, he cried out. "Boss!" he cried. But turning, he saw that it wasn't Gibbs who had smacked him. Instead, it was a very suspiciously angry goth who was starting down at him, her arms folded against her chest.

"Abby," he mumbled afterwards, correcting himself.

She smiled at Ziva, leaning down and carefully embracing her friend. When Abby stood upright, she glared at Tony again. "What?" he asked.

"You could have told me you two were together!" she cried, punching him in the arm. "God, one week and you could have once said to me 'you know what, Abs, Ziva and I are in love,' but no, you didn't say anything." She looked down at Ziva. "I'm not mad at you, because you've not been awake, but if you had been awake and you hadn't told me, I'd have to withhold Caleb from you."

It was then that Ziva frowned. "Who is Caleb?"


	57. I Was Expecting More

"Oh, Abby," Ziva gasped lightly. "He is so perfect!"

Ziva would liked to have been holding Abby and McGee's new baby son in her arms, to see up close the adorable child who had been able to capture all their hearts just as Penny had done. However, thanks to the hospital regulations that couldn't happen. Caleb wasn't allowed in the room, he wasn't technically allowed in the ward at all, but Abby had, earlier, waltzed in with him, very clearly showing him off and muttering to the nurses that she just didn't know where the paediatric unit was for his checks. Caleb, of course, had no checks due, because he'd only had one the previous day, but now that Ziva was awake and in the ward, she had been able to lean forwards in her bed and see a quick glimpse of the little boy.

For now, however, she had to make do with photographs during visiting hours. Now that she was in a ward they were restricted heavily to the visiting hours, even Tony, which he wasn't happy about. There was only two other people in the ward at this time, and Tony had argued that he'd just sit silently while Ziva slept, but the head nurse was still refusing him to stay so much as thirty seconds over visiting hours. Because Gibbs required Tony on a case, Abby had come to keep her company during the visiting hours, bringing with her an impressive collection of photographs. Considering it had only been a week, their photo and printer had to be running constantly to produce so many memories already.

The first photograph she had picked up was the one where Abby was first getting to hold her son. Of course, her hair was sticking up in all directions and she looked exhausted, but she was still looking down at the baby like he was the most precious thing in the world. All that could be seen of Caleb, however, was a tiny arm reaching out of the blankets. Guilt clutched at Ziva as she looked at the photograph. She turned to Abby with a sincere look of apology. "Abby, I am sorry I missed the birth," she said softly.

"As much as your timing sucks, you're forgiven," Abby assured her.

The next photograph was of McGee with Caleb. "Oh, this was the night we brought him home," Abby said, seeing what picture she had gotten to. Caleb was lying against McGee's chest, where he was standing sideways to the camera, his tiny hand clutching at his father's shirt now that he was free of constraint from the mountains of blankets in other photos from the hospital. McGee was looking at the top of his head adoringly, with one arm supporting him under his diaper, and the other tenderly placed on his back. "He likes being held like that," Abby told her.

"The name you have chosen is beautiful," she admired.

"Thanks," Abby beamed.

"It is Hebrew, yes?" Ziva realised.

Abby shrugged. "I'd like to say it has some meaning behind it, but I just liked the name."

"The name has plenty of history," Ziva pointed out. "Caleb was the companion of Moses and Joshua. He served the God of Israel wit his whole heart, always the first to speak up. He was noted for his powers of observation and his fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds."

Abby raised her eyebrows a little. It was good knowledge that Ziva was Jewish, but it was rare that she ever displayed her understanding of her religion. She was glad, though, that she seemed to have picked a fitting name for her son. "Wow. Like his Dad, then?"

"And his mother," she nodded.

Ziva leaned back against the pillows. The bed was thankfully raised so that she was still in a sitting position by doing this. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate Abby's company, but more that she still felt rather weak. She was assured by the doctors that it was just her body being used to being awake again, but she still felt quite tired - clearly healing was no job for the faint of heart. She could easily have fallen asleep, but that would be a waste of the visiting hours that she craved. She knew that Tony would visit during that evening's visiting hours, with Penny. She looked forward to that.

The next photograph showed just that; Penny with Caleb. It was an adorable snap of Penny sitting on the couch with Caleb in her arms. Of course, where she was still so little herself you could see Abby's arms leaning into the photograph from the side, showing her how to hold the baby properly and keeping his head supported. Penny was grinning at the camera as if she was holding the treasure at the end of the rainbow. She smiled softly, touching her finger against the sheen of the photograph.

"Miss Penny, huh?" Abby realised. Ziva just nodded, a sadness appearing behind her eyes. "She thinks that she helped you wake up."

"She does?"

She nodded. "When Tony was sitting with you and talking to you, I had to leave Penny with him while I took Caleb for his development check. She sat in Tony's lap and listened to him talking to you and decided that she wanted to as well, so she started talking to you. She told you stories."

The sadness disappeared somewhat. "She enjoys her stories," she noted. "Particularly ones about princesses."

"So do you, apparently," Abby commented. Ziva frowned in confusion, so she went on to explain. "The day you woke up, Tony called us all to the hospital because you started saying things while you were still out of it. Most of it was Hebrew stuff that we couldn't understand, but you started saying Tony's name quite a lot. But while Penny was telling you a story, Tony told me that you came out and said Penny's name. So she thought she was helping."

"I suppose she did," Ziva smiled. "I do miss her, though. I know that she is not my child, but…"

"I get it," Abby assured her. "You spend every waking second with them, they start to feel a bit like your own." Ziva nodded with a sigh. "So, I hear she's started calling you 'Ima'? Need I guess what that means?"

"It is Hebrew for 'mother'," Ziva told her.

Abby grinned. "I thought so, what with you and Tony being together now."

"It was Penny's choice. In fact, it was a very grown-up action on her part. She sat Tony down and asked him straight if I was allowed to be her new mother, because she missed not having a mother. When Tony was too shocked to reply, she asked me herself."

"Bless," Abby cooed.

"That girl can be very assertive and convincing when she wishes to be," Ziva laughed softly. The action moved her wound, however, and pain shot through her. She winces, so her companion quickly passed her the nearby cup of water. "Thank you," she said, after drinking slowly until the pain began to fade. "Speaking of children, where is Caleb?" she asked.

"Ducky," Abby laughed. "I said I wanted to come and see you while the team was off base and he basically kidnapped Caleb."

"He is wonderful with children," Ziva noted.

"Yeah, you should see Caleb when Ducky starts telling one of his stories. Obviously he has no idea what he's saying, but he just stares up at him and his eyes go really wide," she smiled.

She continued to flick through the photographs, her smile growing with each new picture of the already gorgeous young boy. Caleb would definitely grow up to break some hearts, that was for sure. The combination of his mother and father's features had created a staggeringly handsome child. However, at the very back of the pile, Ziva found herself gazing rather intently at the last photograph.

It was the first photograph she'd seen with Tony in it. Just seeing him in a photograph made her wish that he was right beside her in the room, but her smile quickly dropped into something more melancholy. She held it loosely in her hands, trailing her fingers over the somewhat romantic image of Tony holding Caleb. She had heard from Tony about him being named godfather, and how his middle name was Anthony. He'd been ecstatic when he explained it to her. He was stood up, in what looked like another hospital ward, holding Caleb in his arms. His tiny head was supported in the crook of Tony's elbow, with the rest of his arm cradling him against his chest. Not much of the baby was visible in the photo, just the side of his face, his downy hair and his arm, which was reaching out and taking hold of Tony's little finger. The two of them were staring at each other intently, Tony with the smallest, but completely genuine smile on his lips at the baby's action of holding onto him. She couldn't quite put her finger on why this photograph put an explosion of butterflies into her stomach, but the was something about the photograph that was just so intensely beautiful to her.

"You can keep that one if you want," Abby said softly, seeing the look on her friend's face. "I thought Tony might like it."

"Thank you," Ziva whispered.

"He's so great with Caleb," Abby admired. "It was a shame he had to miss this part of Penny's life."

And it hit her. The feeling. She'd felt it before, but only once with this magnitude of strength - the night Penny had first called her 'mommy'. The overwhelming, but warm feeling of belonging. But what, exactly, did that mean? That she wished she could look at that photograph in it's real context, and see Tony holding a child before her? His child? Their child? It didn't make sense, not to her. She knew that children were something she wouldn't have of her own because of Sa'id, but that had never upset her since Penny had come along. She had accepted that, through her time with Mossad, her world was too dangerous to introduce a child into, but Washington was different. She was different. But that didn't automatically make her long for a child. She didn't need to long for a child, surely? She had Penny. She had Tony's adorable daughter who worshiped her like a daughter would their mother. She had Tony and Penny, and the three of them had formed a family that was strange, but she loved being a part of it. Not to mention that she and Tony had only been officially a couple for just under a month. It didn't make any sense.

It was too soon for her to be wanting something that she couldn't have.

\------

Tony was exhausted when they got back to NCIS headquarters, but knowing that there was only an hour left before visiting hours started filled him with a new energy. Usually Gibbs let him sneak away after lunch to see Ziva, but thanks to a wise guy Petty Officer thinking that he could embezzle three million dollars he'd had to skip his afternoon dose of his ninja to sit in the back of the car. With Gibbs driving, it hadn't taken them long to get back either, so he was hoping that he could quickly do his paperwork, collect Penny from preschool rather than having to ask Ducky to do it again, and then go down to the hospital.

The second they arrived in the bullpen, Ducky seemed to appear. "Ah, Timothy!" he said, heading to McGee's desk and standing before it. "Abigail asked me to pass on a message."

"Everything OK?" McGee asked, as he put his weapon and his badge back into his top drawer.

"Oh, yes, I've had the pleasure of spending my afternoon with your delightful son," he grinned. "Quite the little wonder, isn't he?"

"Yeah," McGee smiled. "He's not that much of a wonder when he's been screaming for hours because he refuses to sleep, though."

"Perhaps not," Ducky agreed. "Abby asked me to get you to pick up some more diapers on the way home. It seems supplies are running low."

McGee groaned at the thought. "Seriously, Ducky, I don't know where it all comes from. I know we aren't putting in as much as he's giving out."

"A conundrum I shall leave you parents to ponder," Ducky laughed, leaving the bull pen again.

McGee sighed, picking up his bag and putting everything he needed in it, so that he could be ready to leave the second Gibbs gave them the word. Tony looked up when he noticed McGee had become worryingly silent, and then he noticed the matching worry on his face.

"You okay there, Probie?" he asked curiously. McGee was silent, and continued packing away. "Hey, McGee!"

"What?" he asked, turning around slowly. "Sorry, Tony, I'm just exhausted."

"Caleb keeping you up all night?" he asked.

McGee nodded. "Abby gets up with him most of the time, but I don't like to make her do it alone. Plus, even when she gets up to feed him, I can still hear him crying and it keeps me awake until he's back asleep. Then I lie there awake waiting for my turn to get the next wake up call."

"Ouch," Tony muttered in sympathy. "The joys of fatherhood."

McGee nodded again, but this time he seemed further away. A few seconds later, he stepped closer, right up to the side of Tony's desk, and he dropped his voice to barely more than a whisper. "Do you love Penny?" he asked.

"What kind of question is that?" Tony asked.

"Just answer it, Tony. Do you love Penny?"

"Of course I do," he frowned. "Why do you ask?"

He looked like he was about to speak, but then he decided against it. "It's nothing," he commended, blatantly lying as he went back to his own desk and sat down.

"Whoa, there," Tony said, pushing his chair over to McGee's desk and sitting on the opposite side of it. "What's going on?" McGee looked at him, as if his stare was reason enough not to tell him. "Come on, one dad to another. What's going on in Probie Land?"

McGee was silent. "I've been thinking about Caleb."

"That's helpful," Tony nodded. "Considering that he's actually here for good now, and all."

"That's just it, it doesn't feel like I though it would," McGee explained quietly. "Obviously I care about him, he's my son, but…"

"But…" Tony prompted.

"But I was expecting more," he admitted. "I was expecting every time I held my son to be like the first time I held him. I was expecting to have this rush of love for him and…and sometimes I don't know whether I really love him or whether I have to love him. And the thought of that, being that bad a father, scares me to death," he added.

Tony was silent, realising that this must have been the mirror image of himself when Penny first arrived - the struggle between protection and love, and realising the difference. At a loss of what else to say, he simply told what he'd come to realise for himself.

"You really love him," Tony told him. "There's no two ways about it when it's your kid, you just do. Sometimes we love someone so much that we have to be numb to it, because if we actually felt how much we love them it would kill us. It doesn't make you a bad father. It just means that your heart's too big."

McGee thought about this for a moment, and then smiled a little. "Thanks, Tony."

"No problem, Probie," he said, kicking his feet against the desk that his chair was wheeled back to his own desk. "You better get to the store before you end up needed a whole lot more than diapers."


	58. I Am Not Going Anywhere

"IMA!"

Ziva looked up, the sound of a child's excited cry heralding the start of visiting hours for that evening. Penny ran ahead of her father, her tiny feet tapping against the laminate flooring like a marching band, and she waited impatiently at the side of Ziva's bed when she reached it. She wasn't high enough to hoist herself onto the bed like she obviously wanted to do, so she settled for bouncing up and down instead. Tony was quick after her, jogging to keep up with the speedy child, handing out apologetic looks to the other patients on the ward who had been disturbed by the noise Penny had made. He quickly lifted her up, turning her to look at him.

"Remember what we talked about before we came yesterday?" Tony asked her. Penny nodded. "What did we say before last time?"

"That Ima's got a poorly tummy so we can't touch it," Penny recited obediently.

"Good girl," Tony praised. "Be very careful with her, okay?"

Penny nodded. "'kay."

Tony put Penny down on the side of the mattress, and Penny quickly, but carefully, crawled up to Ziva, settling at her side. Awkwardly, Ziva moved herself over on the mattress to make room for her. Penny knelt before her, looking torn between wanting to hug her and not wanting to hurt her, just as she had the day before. Seeing the expression on her face, Ziva made the decision for her, moving into a sitting position carefully and embracing Penny into her unharmed side. While they did this, Tony took a seat at the side of the bed, watching the two embrace.

"Shalom, tateleh," Ziva greeted.

"Not hurting?" Penny checked.

"No, Penny, you are not hurting me," she assured her. At this, the little girl visibly relaxed into her arms, hugging her back and making no move to let go. "I have missed you so much," Ziva told her.

"Can you come home now?" Penny asked.

"Not yet, I am afraid."

"But it's been forever!" she complained impatiently.

Ziva smiled softly. "It certainly feels that way."

"Daddy misses you, too," Penny told her.

Ziva directed her smile to Tony over the top of the girl's head. "I am sure she does," she commented lightly.

"Yeah," Tony nodded back. "He really does."

"When can you come home?" Penny asked.

"Soon, I hope," Ziva told her. "I do not like being here.

"It's okay," Penny assured her. "I don't like hop-sitals too."

She smirked. "They are not very nice places, are they?" Penny shook her head. "But do not worry, my little one. I shall be home soon."

"Good," Penny nodded. "'Cause I got new toys to show you."

"You have?" she asked.

"Yeah. Lots of people gave Caleb new toys and so Daddy took me to the store and let me get some new toys too," she told her.

Ziva gave her a smile. "I cannot wait to see them" she assured.

Penny grinned and then broke out her arms, turning to her father. "Daddy! My card!"

"It's right here," he told her, producing a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to her.

She took it from him and held it out to Ziva proudly. "I made it all on my own. No one helped me. Not even auntie Abby!"

Ziva looked at the paper, folded in half to create a card. On the front was a jumble of colourful curls which looked like it should be writing, positioned above three stick people. She opened it to see more of the same multi-coloured loops inside. She smiled. "Thank you very much, Penny, it is wonderful."

"It's me and you and daddy," she explained, then pointing to the curls. "And it says 'to my Ima, come home soon, I miss you, from Penny' and these are lots of kisses and cuddles."

Touched by this, she kissed Penny's forehead. "It is beautiful, Penny. I shall put it up for everybody to see."

Grinning harder, Penny turned to Tony. "She likes it!"

The tiny girl soon wore herself out talking, and as visiting hours started to draw to a close she found herself curled up against Ziva's side, fast asleep. Ziva stroke her hair as she slept, looking down at her contently. She couldn't believe how much she had missed Penny, her innocent and her enthusiasm for life, especially now that she had become a more permanent part of her life. Tony returned from getting coffee to see them in this position and smiled to himself. The curtains had been drawn around Ziva's bed so that they had more privacy, but it didn't hide the fact that he was standing there. Without looking up from the sleeping girl, Ziva spoke.

"I know you are standing there."

Tony laughed softly, moving back into his chair. "Good to see your ninja senses weren't damaged," he mocked. Ziva held out one of her hands for him to take, a soft gesture showing the need for affection that she rarely exhibited. He held it in his own, bringing it up to his for a kiss. "Penny was right, you know. I do miss you."

"I wish to come home so much," Ziva sighed.

"Actually, speaking about home…" he began.

She frowned. "Do not tell me I have to stay in this place longer than I already do?"

"No, three days and you're home free," he assured her. "I checked with the nurse earlier. Actually, it's about where home is." Ziva frowned. "Well, the Director has officially withdrawn us from being undercover, so we had to clear our stuff out of the house pretty quickly. They already had another family wanting to move in, so it had to be done fast. Anyway, we were just putting everything in my apartment for now so we could get it done faster, so all your things are at mine."

He seemed done with his explanation, but as she nodded slowly, she could see that there was something more on his mind. "Tony?"

"Hmm?" he asked.

"You wish to ask me something."

"Do I?" he frowned.

"You are not very good at hiding things from me anymore," she smiled.

He shook his head. "I guess not."

"You may ask me, Tony. I do not scratch."

"Bite," he corrected. "It's bite."

"You are avoiding this now," she pointed out.

He sighed. "I was just wondering…something."

"Something in particular?" she asked.

"Well…" he said, looking down into the coffee. "We're not in any hurry to move things around because there's plenty of space. In fact, it fits in pretty well. So I was just wondering if maybe…maybe you wanted to keep your things there…" he trailed off casually.

Ziva was silent for a moment. "You are asking if I would like to leave my belongings in your apartment?" she checked.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"…I assume this is your way of asking me to go home with you and Penny, rather than to my apartment?"

He shrugged. "Kinda."

"Kinda?" she questioned.

"Well, I know you wanted to stay with us while you were getting back on your feet, as the doctors ordered, but…being with you all the time with the mission, having you close, doing every day things together…it was nice. Better than nice. I was just thinking that maybe not everything has to change now that the missions over…that maybe we can still be that close to each other…" he said.

"You are asking me to move in with you," she realised.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm asking," he confirmed, still not meeting her eyes.

"This is a big step, Tony."

"I know," he said quietly.

"You are sure about this?" she checked.

He nodded. "I'm sure that the thought of you living somewhere that isn't with me and Penny is completely tortuous for me."

She frowned a little. "You are serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, looking concerned now. "Look, Zi, if you don't want to…"

"It is not that," she said quickly.

"Then what is it?" he asked. It was her turn to look away now, directing her attention back to Penny, stroking her hair rhythmically. "Don't do this, Ziva," he pleaded quietly.

"Do what?" she asked.

"Close up on me." She frowned, since when had she been so easy to read? "Come on, you can tell me," he assured her. "Whatever it is, I'll understand."

She was silent for a moment, but he gave her time to answer. Her gaze moved from Penny to where she knew her wound was. "You are not doing this because of…him?" she asked.

Tony followed her gaze, knowing that she was talking about Adam. "What would he have to do with me asking you?" he asked.

"You are protective, Tony," she pointed out.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning after what he did to me, you no doubt want me as close as possible to fulfil your need to protect me," she explained.

Tony laughed it off at first. "What? Ziva, I…okay, maybe you're kinda right. But that's not the main reason I asked you."

"Tony, I will be fine," she assured him. "I can protect myself."

His face suddenly changed, an underlying tone of anger and hurt in his tone. "He shot you, Ziva."

"Tony-"

"No, Ziva, he shot you. He hurt you. He could have…" he lowered his voice, remembering Penny sleeping between them. "He could have killed you, Ziva, just like that. We would have lost out on a lot of time together, time that we deserve to have. Forgive me for being a bit pissed off about that, but I intend to spend a lot more time than that bastard wants us to have, telling you how important you are to me. I want to go to sleep knowing that my girls are safe, Penny across the hall and you at my side. I don't care if that's chauvinistic or whatever, but it's what I feel. I want to close my eyes at night knowing that you're safe, and if it takes you being with us permanently to do that, then yeah, that's what I'm prepared to do." Ziva was silent for a moment, and in the fading light outside he could see the sheen over her eyes. "Oh God, please don't cry," he said in a tone of dread.

"I am not crying," she insisted. "I…it is the painkillers."

Knowing that this was a cover, he smirked. "Yeah, aspirin will do that to you." She looked at him, shocked. "I was curious earlier, so I asked the nurses what drugs you'd be on once you came home. She said you were pretty much on aspirin now."

"Tony, I…"

"Look, I get that this is a big thing, okay?" he acknowledged. "It's a big thing for me as well, but I just wanted you to know that if you wanted to give it a try, then I'm one hundred percent wanting to try. So don't decide now, no pressure. Just…promise me that you'll think about it?" he requsted.

She went to answer, but then swallowed her words and nodded. "Yes, I shall think about it."

"Thank you," he whispered, before leaning to kiss her. However, at that moment a rather annoyed nurse burst through the curtains.

"Agent DiNozzo, visiting hours finished ten minutes ago," she informed him sharply.

"Really?" he asked innocently. "I didn't realise…"

"Oh, you realised all right," she scoffed.

Tony looked Penny. "But she's sleeping…"

"And Officer David is not, and she should be," the nurse pointed out.

Ziva looked up from Penny's sleeping form. "I am not tired."

"You should at least be resting," the nurse told her.

"But I am resting," she argued. "I am lying comfortably and having Penny close is very relaxing for me."

"I am sure it is, Officer David, but rules are rules." She turned to Tony again. "I'm sorry, Agent DiNozzo, you'll have to come back tomorrow. Even if Officer David isn't tired there are plenty of other patients on the ward that would like some peace and quiet to sleep."

Tony sighed. "Can you at least give me ten minutes to wake up my daughter and let her say goodbye?" he asked. The nurse frowned. "Please, it would mean a lot to my little girl if she could say goodnight."

"Five minutes," the nurse allowed.

"Thank you," Tony called after her as she left. Once she was out of earshot he leant back down to Ziva. "She really doesn't like me, does she?"

"You do make her job rather difficult," she pointed out.

"Am I really that bad?" he asked.

She nodded. "You are using your daughter as an excuse to stay for ten more minutes."

"Actually, it's not an excuse," he said. "After last night she gave me a good long talking to about leaving while she was asleep, because it meant she didn't get to say goodbye to you." He placed his lips against Ziva's, before turning to wake Penny with a gentle shake. "Penny…Penny, wake up."

"Huh?" she mumbled.

"Time to go home, princess, say goodnight to Ziva."

Penny whined at this. "Ohh…."

"Sorry, Penny, but we've outstayed our welcome tonight. Let's say goodnight and we can come back and see Ziva tomorrow," he suggested.

Penny just cuddled up to Ziva more. "Wanna stay."

"Me too, babe, but we've got to go."

"I shall still be here tomorrow, tateleh," Ziva assured her. "You shall see me then."

"Promise?" Penny checked.

"I promise," Ziva said, hugging her as close as she can. "Ani ohev otach."

"What?" Penny asked, confused.

"It means 'I love you'," Ziva translated., before kissing the girl's forehead.

"Oh," Penny realised. "I love you lots too, Ima."

"Goodnight, Penny. Sleep well and have pleasant dreams."

Tony helped her off the bed and she waited patiently at his side while he leaned back over Ziva, kissing her. "I love you," he mumbled.

"I love you also," she smiled. "You really must go, though, or the nurse will hate you even more."

He smirked. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to get rid of me, David."

"I am merely considering your safety," she explained. "You would never hit a woman, but that does not mean the nurse would not consider hurting you."

He laughed lightly. "We'll come back tomorrow, okay?" he promised.

"I am not going anywhere, Tony," she said, gesturing down at the bed.

Tony, however, read something more in her words and nodded slowly, never taking his eyes away from hers as he brushed back some stray hairs. "No, you're not."

\-----

Back at the NCIS headquarters, Jenny found herself accepting a late evening call from Tel Aviv. She knew who it would be immediately, hoping that it was Mossad returning information she requested on a terrorist cell, but instead of her usual contact she found herself looking at the Director himself on the screen. "Shalom, Jennifer," he greeted.

"Shalom, Eli," she returned. "What can NCIS do for you this evening?"

"I am sorry for the lateness of my call on your side of the world. I hope I am not inconveniencing you in any way…"

"Not to worry, Eli, I was here anyway," she assured him.

He folded his hands on his desk, an action just visible through the feed. " I am sure your country's news is no stranger to Israel's current disputes?" he assumed.

"I take it you're meaning the conflict with Hamas?" she asked.

He nodded. "As I am sure you are aware, a pause in hostilities between Israel and Hamas went into effect on the nineteenth of June," he began.

"Of course," she confirmed. "The agreement that Hamas would end rocket attacks and enforce the lull throughout Gaza, and in exchange for the blockade to end and the commerce to resume."

Eli continued on where she had stopped. "We eased the blockage following a reduction of rocket fire, and began to permit more truck shipments to enter Gaza. Hamas, it seems, were still not please with this and insisted we were continuing the blockade. There were also several accusations filed which showed there could be continued acts of weapons smuggling using tunnels to Egypt."

"The agreement hasn't lasted long, it seems," Jenny noted.

Eli sighed, shaking his head slowly. "The situation is not boding well, Jennifer, if I am honest. There are violations of the agreement on both sides, and it is up to me to figure out who and why."

"And NCIS can help in some manner?" she assumed.

"NCIS, not particularly," he denied. "But Ziva's aid in several missions I intend to put into operation would be more than an asset."

Jenny's heart pounded, but she kept herself composed. "You want Ziva back?"

He nodded. "Her training in this measure of operations is extensive. I would trust none other of my men as I would her."

"And when would she be needed for these operations?" Jenny asked.

"Immediately."

Jenny was silent for a moment, and then spoke again. "Eli, I can understand entirely why you would want Ziva to return, but I'm afraid at the moment I cannot agree to a transfer."

"You deem her work at NCIS more important?" he accused lightly.

"Ziva was injured recently during a case, and at this time is in no physical condition to be working," she explained.

Eli fell silent. "She was injured?"

"We did put several messages through to your office to inform you of her condition," Jenny remembered.

"It seems I need to pass on several messages of my own to my assistant," he complained. "The injury was not serious, I hope?"

"Unfortunately, it was," she confirmed.

"What happened?"

"She was shot, and after a successful surgery she spent a week in a coma."

Eli sighed, bringing a hand to his face briefly. "And her condition now?"

"She's awake, but she hasn't yet left the hospital," Jenny informed him.

"And she will recover well, yes?"

She nodded. "The doctors assure us that she should have a smooth recovery."

Eli was quiet for a long time before he was composed again. "Jennifer, I understand that you consider my daughter a great asset to your organisation, but that is an opinion of her that we both share. Ziva's foremost responsibilities, however, remain with Mossad. As soon as she is able to work again, I trust that you will ensure her transfer is processed with high priority?" he assumed.

Jenny was shocked at this, that Eli wanted his daughter back, something she couldn't refuse him, either legally or morally, but she didn't show it. "I'll speak to Ziva-"

"Do not," he instructed sharply. "Just process the transfer."

She nodded numbly. "Of course."

"Thank you, Jennifer. Shalom."

"Shalom," she murmured back, the feed cut off before she reached the second syllable.

She turned to leave MTAC, but found that there was a person sitting in the front row of chairs - the one person she didn't want to see half hidden by the shadows. "Jethro," she breathed. "How long have you been in here?"

"Ten minutes before you got in here," he confirmed. He stood up, abandoning his coffee as he stood before her. "Good luck getting out of this one, Jen."


	59. He Loves Me

It was hard to resist the overwhelming temptation to throw her head down on the desk before her. However, that wasn't the way that the Director of NCIS thought about her problems; it certainly wasn't how she solved them. Jenny certainly had a problem though, perhaps one of her toughest challenges as Director - the choice between protocol and preference. She could understand now why she had been advised not to take the position as Director. She'd assured herself and plenty others that she could deal with things objectively, of all manners and interests, but that clearly wasn't the case now.

Of course, things were different because it was Ziva. That was all it came down to. Ziva had been a very close friend of hers for many years. They had secrets, inside jokes, even, spreading back to their anti-terrorist ops in Cairo. They'd saved each other, confided in each other…even now they were close, even if it was more of a working relationship than a social one. She knew, however, that if she ever needed anything Ziva would be at her side in a heartbeat. They were loyal in that way. Loyalties were being pushed now, though. Strained, tugged at the seams until they were almost painful.

"Good luck getting out of this one, Jen," Gibbs had told her. She felt the skin around her eyes tighten in a frown. Of course he would say something like that - it was so typical of him to say something like that, in his 'you should have stayed a field agent' voice. He hadn't used that on her in a while, she suspected because it had stopped working, but now? Oh, now how she wished she could go to a superior and argue the decision, rather than have to make it herself. She had options, but she didn't like them. Before her was a crumbled piece of paper, one that had been screwed up and straightened out many times in her frustration. The paper held a list of her options, but she knew that she was limited, even if the list was long.

Option one: do as requested.

She didn't like this option; nobody would. It would have repercussions on the agency, on the team, on the people themselves, that Eli David could never have predicted in his determination to have his daughter back at Mossad. Ziva would go back to Israel as soon as she was well enough to work again, which with her strength, would be too soon. She'd be leaving behind Abby, would glare at Jenny like a child told 'no' until Ziva stepped back on American soil. She'd be leaving behind McGee, who wouldn't be quite so public in his anguish as Abby, but still disheartened all the same at the loss of his friend. She'd be leaving behind Gibbs, who would no doubt take it upon himself to make Jenny's job miserable and difficult until she found a way to get Ziva back. She'd be leaving behind Tony and Penny.

Could she do that? Morally? Did she have the strength in her to look Ziva in the eye and tell her that she had to leave behind the family she had created for herself? She'd been told all about the secret relationship the pair had been hiding for quite some time, and right under their noses on the surveillance as well. She'd been so curious about how they'd not noticed it that she'd gone back to some of the footage and watched over it; this time noticing more of the lingering glances and sleight touches she'd originally branded innocent and unknowing; touches she now knew to be intentional and teasing instead. But for Ziva to have to leave that? She knew that she was Mossad, but that didn't mean she didn't have a heart, no matter how much of her life she had spent depriving herself of emotional ties. She had made those ties here at NCIS, with Tony and Penny especially. Penny had adopted Ziva as her mother, Tony had actually made a decent attempt to settle down…Ziva had found her place outside of work and missions, and she liked it. Jenny didn't want to be the one to take that away.

Which lead her to option two: tell Eli no.

That one wouldn't go down well. In fact, he'd probably be so angry that he'd permanently detach Ziva from NCIS, cut all liaisons with them altogether and leave them with an empty gap in the intelligence field. The steady stream of intel they received from Mossad as intensely valuable to them, and she wasn't sure that their success rates with high-profile dealers and terrorists would be quite as high without their overseas information. That was ignoring the fact that Eli would send his best men over to retrieve Ziva by force, if necessary, and after that…well, in the least they'd never see her again.

She strolled into the hospital ward without her usual confidence. Her shoulders were sunk forward, clutching onto her bag as she scanned the ill and injured faces of the ward. Eventually her eyes fell on the more familiar face of Ziva, who was looking particularly pained and trying not to show it. She gave her a smile as she saw she had a visitor, however, and tried to sit up more. Jenny greeted her and sat down beside her.

"Shalom, my friend," she said softly.

"Shalom, Jen," Ziva smiled. "I am surprised to see you here, I was expecting Abby."

"McGee said that they had a rough night with the baby last night, so I told her to stay home and get some rest," Jenny explained. "Besides, this was the only free morning I've had in a while."

"I am glad to see you," Ziva assured her. "It will be nice when I can leave so I can visit everyone I have missed, at least."

"When do you leave?" Jenny asked her.

"I am being discharged tomorrow morning," Ziva said, relief flooding into her tone.

"Tony's staying with you, I assume?"

"Actually, I am staying with him," Ziva corrected her, a little hesitantly as if she were afraid of the reaction. "I have been told to stay with somebody for a while as I am healing. Tony happened to be here when the doctor told me so he would not take no for an answer."

Jenny smirked. "Why do I get the feeling it's more than that?" she asked.

Ziva sighed, picking slightly at the edge of the blanket. "I do not think I shall be returning to my apartment anytime soon," she said softly.

"You're moving in with Tony?" Jenny gasped.

She nodded. "He asked me yesterday evening if I would. I said I would consider it."

"You seem to have considered it quite a lot," she noted.

"I wish to say yes, but…"

"But?" Jenny asked.

"It is a fast move," Ziva pointed out. "We have only been seeing one another for a month."

"And how long have you been in love with him, Ziva?" Jenny asked.

She laughed softly, leaning back against the pillows that had been placed there to prop her up. "A good point."

Jenny saw her smile, saw the yearning in her eyes to have that family life, with Tony, with Penny, and felt words bubbling up her throat. She couldn't keep this from Ziva, it would be wrong. She deserved to know, to make the decision for herself. She deserved the change to make her own choice and have her choice heard by her father. Eli would listen to her, surely? She was, after all, his daughter.

"Ziva, I have something I need to talk to you about," Jenny started gently.

Ziva nodded slowly. "This conversation is going to be one I do not wish to have, yes?" she asked.

"I believe so," Jenny admitted.

"What has happened?" she asked.

"Your father contacted NCIS yesterday."

The second she heard those words, she knew. She knew why her father would have called, and unfortunately it wouldn't have been to check up on her health. He probably didn't even care about that. No, she knew what he wanted. She'd had nothing else to do other than to read newspapers and watch the news - she was no stranger to what was happening in Israel, and it was only a matter of time before her father wished to involve her in the matter. But hearing the request out loud was different. She wanted to believe that she would never have to hear those words from the Director, but alas, life could scarcely be fair, could it? She'd been dreading hearing from her father like this ever since she had become comfortable in Washington. She'd especially been dreading since she had discovered her feelings for Tony and Penny, because her feelings seemed to intensify alongside the rising conflict in her home country.

"Oh," she said simply.

"He says that your experience on the missions he wants to begin would be a great asset," she explained.

"Yes, he would say that," Ziva commented quietly. "This is his way of asking for me to return to Israel, is it not?" Jenny was silent. "I thought as much."

"I am sorry, Ziva, I did all I could to persuade him…"

"He knows I am injured, yes?" Ziva asked, indicating to her wounded stomach. "Even if I wished to return to work, the doctors have forbidden it for a fortnight, at least."

"He knows now," Jenny said.

"Yet he still wishes for me to return?"

She nodded. "As soon as you're able to work again."

Ziva closed her eyes against the pillows, slowly sinking into a pit of despair. At least, that's what it felt like. If her heart had been pounding any faster she'd have the doctors around her with those awful paddles. How was she supposed to choose between her alliance with her country and her relationship with her new family at NCIS? "I cannot go," she whispered finally.

"Ziva-"

"I cannot," she said, more firmly this time. "My father will have to send other agents on his missions. I…I will not go."

"Ziva," Jenny said, like a mother speaking to a child. "More is at stake than your position at Mossad, you know this."

Ziva was quiet again. She laughed hollowly in the back of her throat. "I was never my father's favourite," she mused. "From a young age I consistently disappointed him. It seems now shall be no different."

"I understand that you care for Tony very much," she mused, "But it is really worth risking your relationship with your father for?"

Ziva returned her eyes to Jenny, a sudden burning in them, a flaming passion that was impossible to ignore. "Tony loves me," she said, putting emphasis where needed. "He loves me, he does not care what I have done in Mossad, he does not care what I have seen. He does not care what has happened to me. He…he just loves me, Jenny and that…to have somebody who loves me for me, not the person my father wishes for me to be…it is worth everything," she whispered.

Jenny nodded. "Then we need a plan," she pointed out.

Ziva thought for a moment, and then came to her decision. "My father…does he know how I was injured."

"He knows you've been shot," she informed. "He didn't ask the details."

"Then we shall tell him differently," she decided. "If he cannot have me back until I am able to work, then I shall have to be unable to work for longer than expected."

"What are you suggesting?" Jenny enquired.

Ziva indicated to an area on her shoulder. "A bullet wound here would have the danger of becoming entangled in one's nerves. Surgeries would be required, risky surgeries that could damage and threaten the use of one's arm. Physical therapy would also be needed, regular appointments which could not be missed."

Jenny nodded slowly. So they had reached plan three. "We lie," she said simply.

"We shall have to cover our tracks. My father will not be afraid to send spies if he believes we are pulling the fabric over his eyes."

"Wool," Jenny corrected.

"Yes, that too," Ziva nodded.

"I'll have to inform Gibbs-"

"No!" Ziva said quickly. "You cannot."

"He can help, Ziva."

"The others cannot know," she insisted. "If Tony finds out…" she broke off, shaking her head. "He cannot know that this is a possibility. If all we can do is delay this…he cannot know, Jenny. Please."

Jenny looked down at Ziva from where she now stood at her side. "We lie," she repeated.

"We lie," Ziva nodded.


	60. Why Is It Special?

Having Ziva home, and knowing that she was calling it home, was a magnificent weight off of Tony's mind. Gibbs had already allowed him a couple of hours off in the morning to get Ziva back to his, their, apartment and have her settled (or as Gibbs put it, make sure she was unable to find her way out of the apartment and cause herself more pain), and strangely, at the last minute, had told him to take the day off. To his surprise, Ziva made no attempt to escape. She also didn't fight him on anything, which was more of a nice surprise than a shock. He helped her to the couch, where she sat down comfortably with her feet up and allowed him to place a light blanket over her. She was already wearing comfortable clothes that he had brought to the hospital for her to change into, so she had simply placed a pillow against along the back of the couch and leaned sideways against it rather contently.

With a day to spend, however, Tony was left at a loss. Ziva didn't look tired, considering all the hospital allowed her to do was sleep and rest, but she looked more than happy to continue leaning sideways. She did look comfortable. So he had simply lined up a pile of movies next to the DVD player and joined her on the couch. She lifted her legs as he sat down in the middle of the couch, not at the other end like he probably should have done. Chase made no waste of time in jumping up on the couch on Tony's other side. When she lowered her legs once he was in place he rested his hands on top of the blankets, one hand lying atop her knee and the other trailing fingers along the bottom of her thigh. There was nothing sensual in the touch, just something innocent, something that showed the ease in which they could exist in each other's lives.

Tony didn't pay that much attention to the movies, which was strange, but Ziva certainly did. He paid more attention to her as she would curl her lips at the amusing scenes, sometimes laughing softly at the moments she couldn't deny tickled her funny bone. On the more emotional moments of the movies, the ones he would brand chick flicky and undeniably cheesy, she would force a stoic expression, but he would see the way she would identify with something in particular and her eyes would narrow, the chocolate colour turning much darker with her own emotions. Halfway through one of these moments her hand travelled up from her lap, taking hold of his hand, the one that was resting on her knee. He smiled softly, bring it to his lips before replacing their clasped hands on her knee again.

Come lunch time, she did try to get up. However, she accepted Tony's help. Sitting up was still painful to her stomach, something she was told might be the case for a while, but she still needed to keep moving the muscles so that they didn't break down and become weakened. She still held on to Tony's arm as he lead her to the bathroom, and she couldn't help but smile when she saw him waiting against the wall opposite the door when she was done. After that she returned to the comfortably position she'd found on the couch and listened to him clattering around the kitchen to make her some lunch so that she could take her painkillers with some food.

They remained curled up together all through the afternoon, and Tony eventually had to leave her alone for just thirty minutes to collect Penny from pre-school. Abby had called and offered, but he told her that it was no trouble, and to enjoy the afternoon with Caleb Penny-free. She insisted again it was no trouble, but Tony knew that it was probably a strain to entertain his daughter while trying to get to know her son. It would be different of course, if it had been her own child wandering around as well, but he couldn't expect to send Penny over there when he was at home more than early enough. Once Penny had returned from pre-school, having no idea that Ziva was home, he'd watched the ecstatic smile light up her face when she saw her Ima curled up on the couch. Penny had bounded over to the couch, carefully climbing up where Tony had been sitting before and taking his place beside her.

Tony cooked dinner while the two of them watched a Disney movie. He could hear Penny singing along like she usually did, giggling at the jokes, but he couldn't hear Ziva joining in. A quick look in the living room had shown him that she was asleep however. He'd had to reluctantly shake her awake for some dinner, but she insisted that she'd much prefer to have dinner with them than sleep through the meal and wake up hungry later. They'd had dinner on the couch, Penny with the TV tray pulled up in front of her, so that they didn't have to make Ziva move into the kitchen.

Evening was heralded by a flood of phone calls, no doubt the time everyone had arrived home from NCIS. Abby had called first, to talk to Ziva and then to talk to Tony and make sure that he was taking care of her. Gibbs had been next, doing exactly the same, although Penny had grabbed the phone from her father to talk to Gibbs about how he was liking the new colours on his boat. Apparently he was liking them very much, but Tony was sure that this was just what Gibbs was telling Penny this and he was secretly planning to hunt Tony down for not only letting her do it, but also doing it alongside her. Then Ducky had called to make sure that she wasn't trying to play hero by not taking her painkillers, she assured him that she was taking all of her painkillers as and when she was supposed to.

Then things quietened down. Ziva relaxed, her eyes closed but not sleeping, listening to the usual happiness coming from Penny's laughter during bath time. She could pinpoint which giggles linked to the usual occurrences, so she could tell when Tony dropped the shampoo into the tub and splashed her accidentally. She could tell when Penny splashed the bubbles and soaked Tony. It made her smile softly to herself, even in the emptiness in the living room. It only made her feel more comfortably to consider the answer Tony's question. Would she move in with him, live everyday with him and Penny, as a family? Yes, she thought to herself, listening to the every day innocence in the bathroom. Yes, she could picture her life like this.

She could picture the three of them in the kitchen, her cooking dinner, Tony passing her plates ready to dish up the meal, Penny bouncing at their heels as she waited impatiently for her food. She could picture the three of them walking the dog in the park, Penny running ahead and throwing the ball for Chase to run after, her and Tony trailing behind hand in hand. She could picture the two of them putting Penny to bed at night, making sure that the nightlight was working, that the monsters under the bed were gone, and the kisses goodnight that were so innocent it sometimes broke her heart to receive them. She could picture herself waiting outside the school gates for Penny after her first day, both her and Tony waiting with bated breath to see if she had enjoyed herself. She could picture her and Tony lying on the couch at the weekend, in those precious few hours where they were awake before Penny. She could picture herself waking up every morning to see him snoring gently beside her. She could picture so much, so many things that would be so normal, yet such a big step for her.

Two years ago she wouldn't have wanted this. Two years ago she wouldn't have seen herself settling down, especially not with Tony, of all people. She was still putting her career first at that point in her life, and family had been something she'd sacrificed to do so, something she'd had to let go for her entire life. Ever since Sa'id had so cruelly taken her child from her when she was so young, she'd abandoned all hope of a family of her own. She'd thrown herself into Mossad, diving headfirst into all available missions, and chance to prove herself as a capable agent…so at least she could be a success at something. And it had worked. It had worked so well that she had been able to believe the lie and turn it into the reason she existed. Yet here she was, in the presence of Tony and Penny, a father daughter team who had rekindled that yearning for motherhood that she'd felt swell within her many years before.

And it made her happy. She used to shun her friends when they would talk of their children's achievements, but now that she could experience them for herself she understood. Even though Penny was not biologically her daughter, she felt a tug on her heartstrings whenever she called her 'Ima', especially knowing that it wasn't because she had been brought up to but because she wanted to, because she had asked to. She was proud when Penny brought home paintings and drawings of what looked like nothing in particular, but even now she was beginning to see trees and people in her childish artwork. She didn't have to think twice about wrapping her arms around the little girl when she curled up beside her.

After bath time, Tony and Penny disappeared into the bedroom to get her pyjamas on. He'd stuck his head in the living room to check that Ziva was okay, carrying Penny in her big fluffy towel on his hip. He'd offered her a smile before taking his daughter to get changed, and she had smiled back to assure him that she was fine. Moments later, they emerged again, Penny changed into her nightdress and bathrobe. Like clockwork she ran to Ziva, sitting on the edge of the couch with her back turned, holding out a hairbrush and some hair bands so that Ziva could do her braids for the night. Manoeuvring herself carefully so that she could reach Penny without pulling at her stitches, she pulled her dark hair into two braids on the side of her head, wrapping the bands around them to secure it.

Afterwards, Penny settled on the floor with her colouring book. Tony got her colouring pens down from the kitchen table, where she had left them, and then she set to work with her colouring. Tony sat down on the ground before the couch, right in front of Ziva, turning the television onto some old reruns of a comedy programme. Ziva didn't recognise it, but Tony had laughed gently when he saw what it was so she guessed it was something he thought was worth watching. She turned to lie on her healthier side, hanging one arm over Tony's shoulder. He placed his hand up on her wrist, holding it in place.

"This programme is a favourite, yes?" she asked softly after a while.

"How did you guess?" Tony asked her.

"You are laughing more than you usually do," she pointed out.

He kissed her wrist, saying nothing at first. Then he dropped his voice to a lower tone, taking advantage of the fact that Penny was so involved in her colouring to pay attention to what they were saying, even if she was right beside him. She was sticking her tongue out in concentration, which from experience told him that all she was hearing right now was whatever Disney song she was thinking of at that time. "It feels good knowing you're here," he said, a gentle sigh of relief in his tone.

"It feels good to be home," she agreed softly. He turned his head a little, catching her gaze out of the corner of his eye. "What is it?" she asked.

"You said 'home'," he pointed out.

The word had rolled off her tongue so simply that she had barely realised she'd said it until he pointed it out. "So I did," she realised.

"Sounded good," he said casually.

"It felt good," she smiled.

"So does that mean…" he asked, trailing off at the end so that she could supply her own answer.

She was silent, but not for long. Her eyes and her smile answered before she did. "It means I am saying yes," she assured him. His eyes lit up at this, but she gave him a pointed stare. "However, it does mean that there is something I need to speak with you about." Her eyes wandered to Penny momentarily, and he followed the movement.

"It's okay," Tony assured her. "She's not listening."

"She is right beside you, Tony," she pointed out. "She can hear everything you say."

Instead of answering, Tony decided to test this. "Well," he spoke aloud. "You see, if she was listening, then she'd know that I was about to do something." He trailed his hand along the carpet. Penny saw his movement and looked at his hand in anticipation, recognising this routine. "Because she just happens to be really ticklish…" Penny froze. "Right about…" she dropped her pen. "Here."

With that, Tony reached forwards and started to tickle her sides, making her squeal with delight. "Daddy, stop!" she cried out through her uncontrollable laughter. Ziva laughed softly at the pair, not trusting her amusement that much because she knew that too much laughter strained on her stitches. When Tony stopped tickling her, Penny lay on the floor for a moment having rolled onto her back, her giggles exhausting herself to loud breaths. She was still lying down when a look of realisation passed over her and she launched herself at Tony's feet. She started to tickle him back, and even Ziva was amused to see that she didn't realise how ticklish Tony's feet her. It was hilarious to see how Penny had turned the situation back on her father, but he quickly managed to get a good hold on his daughter, before lifting her into the air and dangling her upside down in front of him.

"No, put me down!" she giggled in mid-air, her face bright red from laughing.

"Are you going to tickle me again?" he asked her.

"No!" she said, still laughing furiously.

"Do you promise?" he asked. "Because otherwise I'll have to leave you like this all night, like an acrobat."

She giggled harder. "I promise."

"Really promise?" he checked.

"Yes! Yes!" she laughed.

He put her back down on the carpet, leaning sideways against the bottom of the couch, facing her. This also put him closer to Ziva, and he unconsciously put his arm on the top of the couch, running his fingers through the bottom of her hair. Penny responded by tilting her head to one side and watching the interaction strangely for a moment.

"Why are you playing with my Ima's hair?" she asked curiously.

Tony suddenly alerted himself to what he was doing, but he didn't stop. "I like your Ima's hair," he said simply.

"Why?" Penny asked again. "It's just hair."

"I know," he said.

"Then why is it special?"

Tony fought back a laugh, but instead he smile. "It's special because I'm the only one who does it," he pointed out.

Penny clambered into his lap, standing between him and the couch so that she, too, could put her fingers in Ziva's hair. "No, you're not," Penny told him proudly. "See, now we both do it."

"Do you know what that means?" Tony asked her.

She thought about it, touched Ziva's hair again, and then shook her head. "No."

"It means that we both love Ziva very much," he explained.

Happy with this explanation she smiled, sitting down in her father's lap and leaning against him. She fidgeted herself into a comfortable position with her head on his shoulder, curled up against him sideways and then pulling his free arm around herself to make a cocoon of warmth.

"Somebody is tired," Ziva noted.

Tony looked down at the snuggling girl. "Shall we go to bed?" he asked her softly.

"No," she protested, curling closer. "Stay up with daddy and Ima."

He nodded wordlessly, agreeing, but within a few moments Penny had drifted off to sleep in her father's arms. He didn't move her, though. They were only watching television quietly so she wasn't being disturbed and she was comfortably. After a while an advert break showed on the television and Tony remembered something. He looked up at Ziva.

"Oh, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked her.

She looked at him cradling his daughter whilst stroking her own hair, and she suddenly couldn't bring herself to mention what Jenny had told her. No, she was going to enjoy this for a while. She wouldn't live every second with Tony fearing she was leaving soon. She didn't need to see that look in his eyes. Yes, she trusted him completely, but she didn't want to see that heartbroken look in his eyes. She just gave him a smile and kissed his cheek. "It is nothing that will not keep," she assured him.

"If you're sure?" he checked.

And with that, she fought down every temptation to tell him and just nodded. "I am sure."

\-----

Israel's constant heat did nothing for his temper. Something was making him more irritated by the second, and not knowing what his nagging suspicions were trying to tell him was making him even more angered. Several secretaries had come and gone from his office, all of them dismissed with nothing more than a silent gaze. He'd been that way since he'd come out of conference with Director Shepherd at NCIS. She'd rather bluntly informed him that Ziva would not be in any position to transfer back for sometime, as the doctors at their naval hospital had insisted she remain in the country under their care for a course of physical therapy. Six months of physical therapy. That would take them through until the holiday season. There was no telling what could unravel politically in that time.

But it was the entire nature of the situation that had his temper treading the line. It reminded him very much of the time that Ziva had been visiting a friend as a child, and she had wished to stay with her overnight. He'd insisted that she return home, but she had later called to inform him that she had been taken unwell at her friends house, so her mother was insisting that she went to sleep there for the night so that she could get some rest and be well again in the morning. She had only been seven years old at the time. It was the first lie that she had ever told him.

That had been the first lie.

This would be the last.

Pressing a single button on his phone, he sent a message through to his assistant desk outside of his office. "Sarine, could you send Officer Shaul to my office immediately."

He didn't wait to hear her response, but he knew there would be none. She would simply get to her job. He was thankful for this. Something about this didn't feel right. Ziva was lying to him, he knew that much, but he couldn't imagine why. It was only a matter of minutes before there was a knock at his office door and Sarine entered, Officer Shaul following behind her.

"Ah, Officer Shaul," he greeted, standing up, but not inviting the man before him to sit.

"Shalom, sir," he greeted in reply, a bow of the head in respect. "How may I be of assistance?"

"I am taking you out of the team travelling to Gaza," he informed him

Officer Shaul looked shocked at this. "Sir?"

"This is no measure of your capabilities in the field, I assure you. Your skills and methods are rarely matched in this agency."

Officer Shaul smiled at this. "I have my mentor to thank for that, Sir."

Eli also smirked at this. After all, he had been the mentor that the man before him spoke of. "I would like to use these skills in another area interest to me. Surveillance, in particular."

"Not in Gaza?" he questioned.

"America," he answered. "Washington D.C. to be exact."

He looked more confused. "Might I ask, sir, what in Washington is of interest to Mossad?"

"My daughter," he said simply. A flash of recognition fell over Officer Shaul's face. "You are familiar with Ziva, yes?"

Shaul nodded. "We trained together on several occasions," he mumbled.

"Good," Eli nodded. "Then you shall be capable of locating her."

"She is liaising with NCIS, is she not?"

"She is," Eli agreed. "However, I recently contacted the agency to request her transfer back to Mossad, given the political climate as it is, I believe she can be invaluable on several operations I plan to run. I was informed, though, that she has recently been injured and she is not able to return."

Shaul frowned. "You suspect she is not being truthful?"

"Oh, I know she is not being truthful," he shook his head. "Ziva is a confident liar, to be sure, but she is still unable to lie to her father. I know she is lying to me, Shaul, what I do not know is why."

"You would like for me to find out," he realised.

Eli walked around the desk so that he was standing in front of Shaul. He handed him a file containing Ziva's employment history. "Ziva is a highly skilled agent, Shaul, you shall need to be prepared. She will know if she is being watched, you shall need to be at your most vigilant."

"Of course, sir," he nodded. "I shall treat this mission with the highest urgency."

"And I thank you for that," Eli nodded. "Assemble a team, you choose the men you work best with. No more than two others, I wish for this to be undetected. Do not report back to anyone other than myself."

"And if she discovers us, sir?" he asked, although he was confident she would not.

"Then you bring her back to Israel," he said simply. "One way or another."

Shaul nodded. "Yes, sir. Understood."

Eli put his hands on Shaul's shoulders, giving him a firm grip. "If there is anyone I trust with this matter, it is you, Sa'id."


	61. Not Impossible

"Bed….sleep more…sleep good…" Tony grumbled as he crawled out of bed. Of course, he had to crawl carefully and avoid putting any profanities into his early morning mumbles because of the presence of his daughter and another baby.

"You offered to do this," Abby reminded him, sitting comfortably on the other side of the bed, completely undaunted at being awake at this time in the morning. Of course, she had a baby to wake her up before the crack of dawn every morning now.

Of course, he was right. He had volunteered to baby-sit Caleb for the day. Abby and McGee were hard working, good parents, and they deserved a break. Ziva was climbing the walls about getting to finally meet the baby in something other than photographs, so he had mentioned, as it was the weekend, that now would be a great opportunity for Abby and McGee to spend some quality baby-free time together. It was Ziva's idea, but Tony knew he'd be doing the majority of the work, as she was still finding it hard to move around when it jostled her side, aggravating her wound even more so. But it wasn't like the new parents were collecting him late, and he had to admit that he liked spending time with his godson.

"Daddy you said we could play today!" Penny protested, sitting up on the bed beside Abby, still in her pyjamas. Ziva wasn't in the bed, having moved into the living room an hour ago when Penny woke up, but Tony had opted to stay in bed as long as humanly possible.

"We will," he assured her, sitting up and tugging a nearby t-shirt over his head. Caleb gurgled on the bed where Abby had lied him on the empty part of the mattress. "Hi, Cay," Tony said, poking his nose gently, watching as the little boy, only two weeks old, tried to follow his finger and make himself cross eyed.

"Daddy!" Penny complained again.

"Okay, I'm up!" he said, throwing back the blankets (careful not to send Caleb flying with this action and shuffling out of the room. Penny followed with a grin, grabbing hold of his hand and tugging him down the hall while Abby picked up her son and followed in the same matter. "Why do you guys gotta go so early anyhow?" Tony asked her.

"Because I wanted to avoid the 9am diaper," Abby said simply. Tony stopped walking, giving her a fearful look. "Seriously, Tim and I draw straws over it." He gulped as she walked past him, patting his arm. "Don't worry, I'm sure it won't be too bad."

He wandered tiredly through the living room, stumbling to keep along with Penny's insistent tug. Ziva had made herself comfortably in the same sideways position she had done the day before, and so he leaned over the back of the couch on the way to the kitchen to greet her with a kiss. "Morning," he mumbled against her lips.

"Good morning," she smiled back.

"You okay?" he asked her. "You take your meds and stuff?"

She nodded. "Yes, Penny and I have eaten breakfast as well. There is coffee in the pot."

He sighed. "That doesn't sound a lot like the resting the doctor ordered."

She shook her head. "I was hungry and you were sleeping."

"You should have woken me up," he told her.

She laughed. "We tried," she pointed out. "Apparently only Abby is capable."

He leaned up. "Coffee?" he asked.

"Tea would be nice," she smiled.

"Abby?" he asked, straightening up from the back of the couch. "Got time for a coffee?"

She didn't answer him. Instead, she just grinned at him.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"You two!" she cried. "You're so adorable."

Tony and Ziva looked at each other in confusion. "Adorable?" they repeated in unison.

"Yeah," she said, as if she were swooning over her favourite couple on a television show. "I knew you two totally loved each other, it was obvious. Seriously, Tony, when you kissed her in the hospital I wanted to take a photo of it, have it blown up poster sized with the words 'I told you so' and hang it above your heads."

He stared at her long and hard, trying to figure out a way any other person than Abby would see that as normal, but he found none. "Is that a yes or a no on the coffee?" he asked.

"No, thanks," she said. "Not quite back on the caffeine yet."

"What?!" they both asked.

"I'm breastfeeding," she pointed out simply. "Caleb already seems like he's allergic to sleeping or something, with the amount of time he spends awake, so do you really think breastfeeding with pure caffeine is a good idea?"

"She does have a good point," Tony nodded.

"How are you getting on with the breastfeeding?" Ziva asked her.

"Great now," she nodded. "Neither of us seemed to like it at first, but at least he was feeding. But it's not that uncomfortable once you get used to it."

"He is feeding well?"

"Oh, yeah," Abby laughed. "I'm surprised there's anything left for him half the time. He eats like Tony after a stakeout."

"Hey!" Tony protested.

"I am glad you are enjoying breastfeeding," Ziva smiled at her. "Many mothers create wonderful bonds with their children through it."

"We're bottle feeding as well, so that Timmy can do some of the night feeds, but he seems to prefer breastfeeding," she nodded.

At this, Tony held up his hands. "Okay, I have to walk away from this conversation now," he said.

"Are we yukking you out?" Ziva asked.

"Grossing," he corrected. "And yes, you are a bit."

"Breastfeeding is a natural and beautiful event for mothers and their children, Tony," Abby told him firmly.

"I'm sure it is," he assured her. "And I'm sure I'd feel completely different about sitting around listening about it if it was my kid, but Caleb is your kid and he's feeding from your…yeah, you know. So I need coffee. Now."

As he walked away from them and into the kitchen he heard Ziva and Abby carry on talking, but it was Abby's voice that stood out to him most.

"When he does that, he convinces me that he's slowly turning into Gibbs."

\--------

Penny had worn herself out playing and so Tony had taken her into her bedroom after lunch time for a nap. She'd put up no fight to it, and while she rarely took a nap during the day now she certainly needed one after waking up so early and basically running around constantly. Caleb had slept in his carrier most of the morning, but he had woken up for a feed and remained asleep long enough for Ziva to meet the child afterwards. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, holding Caleb in her arms in a way that made sure that if he moved he wouldn't cause her any pain.

When Tony returned from Penny's bedroom he stood in the doorway, watching her for a while. She just stared at the little baby, who cooed and made gentle, content sounds in her arms. The weight of the baby in her arms was almost reassuring, comforting to her. As Tony stepped closer to her she gently stroked a finger down Caleb's face, almost in a curiosity, before the baby reached up and grabbed the finger and hold onto it tightly. She smiled at this, a soft smile that he'd not seen much before. He couldn't help but match her smile. She looked so natural with a baby in her arms, so happy. He knew that after her ordeal when she was younger that she didn't think she could have any children of her own, and while Penny kept them more than occupied with their love and attention, he knew that it would be just as wonderful to have another child, with her. Would they have her gorgeous dark curls, his brown floppy hair? Her chocolate eyes or his green ones? Appearance and behaviour often said nothing for a child's parentage, though. After all, so many strangers were fooled into believing that Penny was biologically Ziva's child. Although Penny was so much like her mother, as he remembered from the years he had spent with Alicia, he had to admit that she was increasing becoming Ziva's mini-me.

"He is so precious," Ziva whispered as Tony settled down on the couch beside her.

"And he has a great middle name," Tony commented again as he put his arm along the back of the couch behind her.

She smirked at this. "You are very proud of this, yes?" she laughed.

"His name's Caleb Anthony, after me," he pointed out. "It's nice to see someone appreciate my name, really. My dad never really did. Until I was ten I thought my full name was 'damnit, Anthony, look what you did," he laughed. However, despite his laugh she knew that he was referring to the strained relationship with his father. "You're good with him," Tony noted.

"I am simply holding him," Ziva said.

"But he's happy enough to sit there," he pointed out. "Trust me, this one grizzles like a bear when he's not comfortable."

She smiled again, paying all of her attention to Caleb, who was softly turning his head from side to side, as if to look around him. She stroked his cheek again, turning his eyes onto her with a gurgle. "He is a perfect mix of his parents," she noted. "So much like the both of them."

"The big question remains though…will he be a goth or a geek?" Tony teased.

"Maybe he will be both, maybe he will be neither," she pointed out. "It does not matter. To his parents, he could never be anything less than a blessing."

He watched the content smile on her face she showered attention on the little boy. He knew that she felt guilty, because she had missed his birth even after she had promised to be Abby's birth partner, but in hindsight she knew how special a moment it was for McGee to be there, even if he had been nervous about it. He must have been thinking loud enough to wake the dead, or at least loud enough to arise Ziva's senses, because she suddenly frowned looking up at him.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," he insisted with a shrug.

"Something is on your mind," she noticed.

With that observation, he fell into a short silence. His eyes never left her face, but she found it was a long time before he was able to answer him. "Do you really think you can't have kids?" he asked her quietly.

"I do not know," Ziva answered. "It is a very high possibility that I cannot."

"Because of Sa'id?" he asked.

She nodded. "There was lots of scarring," she remembered. "Complications like that make it highly unlikely to conceive."

"Just unlikely," he repeated. "Not impossible."

"Maybe not," she noted. "But still, it would be dangerous, there is a risk of complications."

"There always is," Tony pointed out. "Abby was perfectly healthy and she had complications all the way, but look how this little guy turned out," he said, indicating down to Caleb, who's tiny eyes were drooping. Ziva adjusted her arms slightly so that he was cradled more tightly against her. "We don't have to let maybes stop us, Zi," he said softly.

Ziva watched the little boy slowly drift off to sleep. Yes, Tony was right - it was technically only high odds, odds which had been overcome by many couples. There were ways of getting around maybes. However, it was more than becoming a mother that needed considering. There was the growing problem of her father's request always in the back of her mind - if he found out that she was expecting a child he would almost certainly have her recalled back home. After all, she'd be unable to work at NCIS when maternity leave was needed and she would be expected to return to Israel then. They could get separated - Tony and Penny on one side of the world, and her and a new baby on the other. She couldn't make these promises until she knew that she was remaining here for good.

"That may be so," Ziva nodded, looking up to Tony and giving him the best reassuring smile she could manage. "But let us see how things progress, yes? It is a lot of responsibility having a child."

"We've already got Penny," he pointed out. "We know we can handle kids."

"Yes, but Penny is not entirely mine," she reminded him. "Emotionally, yes, she is, but biologically she is not. Having a child in the family who belongs to both you and me may make her feel confused and uncomfortable."

"Penny would love it," Tony disagreed. She went to argue, but he shook his head, giving her a kiss. "It was just an idea, I didn't mean we had to make a decision," he assured her. "I just…I want you to know that if anything ever happened, I'd be okay with it. I mean, I love being a dad. Getting to do it again, only to be there from the beginning the next time around and sharing it all with you…it's be great."

She smiled at this. "That is good to know," she nodded.

\---------

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Abby mumbled doubtfully.

She looked at her partner with a worried frown. McGee looked up from where he'd been clipping the lead on Jethro's collar and saw her anxious face. "Walking the dog?" he asked.

"Leaving Caleb," she corrected.

He gave her a reassuring smile, abandoning the dog lead and going to stand before her, cupping her face. "Abby, we aren't leaving him alone. He's with Tony and Ziva."

"I know," she said, her voice still filled with doubt.

"But…" he hinted. He knew her inside and out, and there was a definite 'but' that was coming. Abby didn't answer, she just folded her arms over her chest. "Abby…" he stared, putting his hands on her waist.

"It was really hard leaving him there, Timmy," she admitted. "I felt really bad because I trust them completely and they're like my best friends in the entire world, but…but it was still really hard to walk away from him."

"It's just for a couple more hours," he reminded her, even though it was just as hard for him to imagine not seeing his son for the entire day. When he was working it was different, but at home, it suddenly felt empty without their tiny son occupying the space along with them. "It's no different from the time you left him with Ducky to visit Ziva."

"That was for two hours," Abby pointed out. "Not an entire day."

"Abby, you rang them twenty minutes ago, and Caleb is absolutely fine," he pointed out.

"I know," she mumbled. "I just miss him, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, I miss him too," he agreed.

"Not just hard for me then?" she mused.

"Not in the slightest," he assured her.

She sighed. "God, if it's this bad now, imagine when he starts college…" she started.

"What?" he cried, pulling back to look at her. "Abby, he's two weeks old, I don't think we need to worry about him going off to college just yet."

She gave him a serious expression. "Tim, it's never too soon to think about college. What if he decides he wants to go to M.I.T? Colleges like that are expensive. Maybe we should set up a savings account soon so that if he wants to go, he can. I mean, if he's smart enough to go then we shouldn't stop him just because we can't afford it. And-"

"Abby," he laughed, cutting her off. "We'll hold off on deciding his college until he decides what he wants to do with his life, okay?" he asked. "He might not want to be a scientist or a computer technician. He might want to be a teacher or a doctor, or…"

"Now who's getting carried away?" she teased him, punching him gently on the arm.

He frowned, and returned her gentle hit, causing her to laugh. "Come on," he said. "Let's walk the dog before he tries to walk himself."


	62. Did You Make A Wish?

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Penny, happy birthday to you…"

The group cheered as the little girl took an exaggerated deep breath and blew out the candles on her cake. It wasn't the small gathering that Tony had planned her fourth birthday to be, but Penny hadn't stopped grinning since she first woke up, and that was all that mattered. He'd asked her what she wanted for her birthday, and her reply had been one word, and one word only: party. So he rallied round the team, preparing for a party, only to collect her from pre-school one day to hear her telling her friends about it. She'd ended up inviting six of the girls and two of the boys from her pre-school group, all of whom had bought their mother's along to the party. So there were nine children, eight mothers, Tony and Ziva, Gibbs, Abby, McGee, Jimmy, Ducky and Jenny all talking up room in his suddenly rather tiny-seeming apartment. Of course, Caleb was there as well, but since he was hoisted into his father's arms most of the afternoon, Tony didn't count him among the group of people taking up space in the chairs.

The air filled with the aftermath of candles, and Tony snapped yet another photograph. Getting a new camera the week before had been a good idea. He'd almost filled up the 120-picture capacity memory card, though. From the moment she'd woken up, Penny had been buzzing, and he'd captured every moment as she tumbled herself out of bed, realised what day it was, and come charging into the bedroom to wake him and Ziva up. Luckily, it had been six weeks since Ziva's hospital stay, and she'd not been hurt in anyway by the barrelling attack of the newly four-year-old.

"Did you make a wish?" Ziva asked, from the little girl's other side, as Tony came to stand beside his daughter.

Penny nodded eagerly. "Uh huh! I wished for-"

"No, no, no!" Tony told her, placing a finger over her lips, whispering as if telling her a secret. "If you tell everyone what you wish for, it won't come true."

Her eyes widened, and she pretending to zip up her lips, the wish she made filtering into the smoke that quickly faded into nothing. Tony wondered what she could have possibly wished for, seeing as she had already unwrapped the Princess castle for her dolls, that she'd been begging for as soon as she realised her birthday was coming up, that morning.

On the other side of the room, Abby and McGee watched the pair. Caleb made a tiny squeal on his father's shoulder that had no purpose other than to attract attention. Abby leaned across to him and kissed his forehead. "You wait your turn, little guy," she told him lightly. "It's not your birthday yet. We just had a party in your honour."

Caleb squealed again.

"Somehow, I don't think he cares," McGee smiled.

Abby laughed, and kissed him again. "Okay, my special guy, we'll have a party for you when we get home."

McGee frowned. "I thought I was your special guy?"

"I have two now," she assured him, kissing his cheek. She looked over to where Tony and Ziva were leaning over Penny, helping her to very carefully cut her birthday cake into slices for everyone. Of course, given that the knife was rather large, there were not only Penny's tiny hands holding it, but also the more experienced hands of Tony and Ziva, the two of them taking control of the blades movement so she wouldn't hurt herself. "Everyone's happy," she admired.

"It's nice," he nodded.

"Tony and Ziva have Penny, you and I have Caleb, Jenny and Gibbs have each other…in their own weird denial-ruled way, and Ducky has…"

She trailed off, and they both answered in unison with a laugh. "…Jimmy."

As Penny tucked into her birthday cake, Tony kissed Ziva over the top of her head. It was only small, but when he pulled back, they were all staring at the two of them. "C'mon, guys," he laughed. "Six weeks of knowing and you're not used to it yet?"

"No more than necessary," Gibbs shook his head.

"We're off the clock now, boss." Tony pointed out. "I'm at home and I can do it as much as I want."

As he leaned in for another kiss, Ziva put her fingers over her mouth. "Not entirely," she contradicted him. "For I would like some of this cake before Penny devours it on her own."

"I'll second that," Jenny nodded.

"Cake!" Penny grinned, her lips surrounded by the pink frosting. "More cake!"

Hours later, Tony came out of the bathroom, a now-half asleep Penny on his shoulder. He closed the bathroom door behind them. "Too much cake."

Ziva smiled sympathetically, placing her hand on Penny's head as he walked past, whispering a goodnight to her as she followed father and daughter into the bedroom. As he laid her down on her pillow, her last coherent mumble was unmistakable.

"Cake…?"

\-------------

"Where you goin', Ima?"

Ziva stopped in the doorway of the hall, her hand paused on the doorknob as she turned to see a sleepy Penny rubbing her eyes, Bertha faithfully tucked under one arm. "Good morning, Penny," she smiled. "Are you feeling better this morning?" Penny nodded as Ziva picked the girl up, holding her to her hip. "My goodness, you are much bigger now you are four!" she announced brightly.

Penny just yawned in response. "Where you goin'?" she asked again. "Still bedtime."

"I am going for a run," she told her. "And since it is still bedtime, I think you should go back to sleep. Come, we shall put you in the bed with your father, yes?"

"Daddy sleep?" she asked softly, looking down the hall.

"Yes, he is still sleeping," she confirmed, stroking Penny's wild hair away from her face. "You go and sleep for a while longer, and when I get back from my run we shall make some breakfast, yes?"

Penny frowned. "Can I come running?" she asked.

Ziva laughed softly, kissing her forehead. "When you are taller, and your legs are longer, than you can come running with me," she told her. "But for now you are still rather little, and you are also very tired."

"Sleep," she mumbled, burying her face against Ziva's shoulder, letting out the telltale sigh that told Ziva that she was just on the brink of sleep.

"Come on now," Ziva whispered, going back down the hall and back into the main bedroom. True enough, Tony was still fast asleep, having not moved with the exception of his arm, which had been wound around Ziva less than ten minutes before, but she had made that movement for him. She lowered Penny into her place on the bed, the bed that had become truly half hers in the past six weeks, and she watched as Penny crawled completely into her father's embrace.

"Hmm?" Tony mumbled, as he woke up with this. He looked down to see that the woman he remembered falling asleep in his arms had been replaced with his daughter instead. "Morning, Pen," he managed to mumble over his sleepy tone.

"Bedtime," Penny mumbled back.

Ziva smiled softly. They were so alike when it came to mornings, both with their extremes: if the morning bought with it something good, like a birthday, then yes, it was worth waking up bright and early and they'd be in an annoyingly good mood for it, but today, when the weekend bought with it no reason to move from bed before the sun had been up for several hours, both would be insufferable unless allowed to sleep through their morning mood.

"I shall be back in an hour," she whispered, planting a kiss on Tony's cheek.

"Where're you goin'?" he asked, not opening his eyes as sleep called at him.

"I am going for a run," she told him. "Sleep now, I shall be back."

"Kay," he muttered, before returning his head to the pillow and going back to sleep.

\---------

Taking her usual route through the park, Ziva felt her mind clear. It had been a relief when, a week ago, she had been able to wholly admit that she was up to running again. She'd been at the door ready to go many times in the five weeks previously, but Tony had pointed out that she still got cramp following the surgery just standing up in the shower too long, or that she was in too much pain just from walking Penny to pre-school, and so she'd surrendered every time and gone back to bed. The first time she ran, Penny had slept over at Gibbs' for the night and so Tony had run with her, ready when she wanted to admit that it was too much for her. Instead, it seemed to have done miles better than any of her rehab treatment had gone.

Of course, her rehab treatment wasn't quite as frequent as she was making it out to be. She knew that her father wasn't stupid, and that he would be able to find out anything that he wanted, and so she had carefully covered her tracks. The falsification of nerve damage had been discussed with the doctor who treated her, and Ducky would accompany her to Bethesda twice a week for an appointment with him. However, this appointment never amounted to anything more than Ziva and Ducky sharing a cup of tea in the hospital cafeteria after the doctor showed her the recent set of notes he'd slipped into her file, just in case anyone at Mossad attempted to get hold of it.

So now Ducky knew as well.

She suspected that Gibbs knew, because every time they were in a room together he would give her that look that she wasn't entirely convinced didn't have similar properties to an x-ray machine. He'd then look to Jenny, who would quickly look away. Yes, she soon realised, he more than likely knew. That only left Abby, McGee and Tony who didn't know.

Oh, Tony.

So many times, she'd almost told him. The time after they first made love after she'd come out of the hospital - it had been a few weeks because of the pain she was still suffering, but it had been wonderful - he had looked at her with his soul bared open, the first time he had been able to express his love for her in a physical way after he'd almost lost her, and she'd almost crumbled right there beneath him. In fact, several times in bed she'd almost told him. He had a marvellous yet destructive habit of gazing at her with such honesty and adoration in those calm moments afterwards, and knowing that she was holding such a lie back from him stopped her from returning that gaze. He put it down to exhaustion from her injury still affecting her, but she knew that she couldn't hide behind that excuse forever.

The second instances had been when he'd hinted once again with the babies conversation. It had pained her to have it in the first place, especially because of the combination of wanting it so badly and knowing that she couldn't have it. Of course she wanted it. Of course she wanted to carry Tony's child, to be able to present him with a bundle of perfection that they could claim as their own in a world where everything seemed to be against them. It had almost destroyed her inside to have to tell him 'no', if not because she knew in her heart that she couldn't carry a child, but because the situation with her father was too complicated to bring a baby into. It was bad enough that she could end up breaking one child's heart in this mess, she couldn't bare to do it to more than that.

She'd almost let it spill in the kitchen once, when he asked whether she'd spoken to her father recently, to let him know that she'd been in the hospital. She'd had to bite her tongue and focus with a fierce determination on the potatoes she'd been peeling as she told Tony that she knew Jenny had spoken to him, but he hadn't cared enough to contact her personally. That had been true. All messages from her father had come through the Director, never through her own means of communication. It wasn't that her father didn't know her personal numbers, but he didn't know that she had moved in with Tony. Until her apartment had been sold, she had an empty answer machine that was probably picking up several angry messages from her father, so she chose not to go back and listen to them. He knew her cell phone number. If he wanted to yell at her actions that badly, he would use that.

And then there was every time Penny had to check, yet again, that her newly constructed family wasn't going to change. Every time that Ziva had to assure Penny that she wasn't going anywhere it gave her a pain in her chest that was never quite as gripping with Tony as it was with Penny. Yes, she loved Tony and she hated lying to him, but lying to Penny made her despise herself. But what other choice did she have? She couldn't say to such a young child that she was telling law-bending lies to her own father so that she could have just a little longer with them in America. Worst case scenario, she'd burrow back into her hiding place where she was desperately checking every waking second that the person closest to her was going to come back when they walked out of the room. Best case scenario, she'd end up thinking it was acceptable to tell lies of the illegal kind to her father.

She didn't want to be responsible for either.

\----------

"Her physical therapy does not seem to affect her exercise," the Mossad agent grumbled to himself, as he shifted himself in the seat of the car.

"So it should not," his superior shot at him from the driver seat. "It is her shoulder that she claims to have damaged, Aden, not her legs."

"Still, she needs her arms for swifter movement, yes?" Aden pointed out.

There was little answer past a smirk, and none that provided him with much knowledge. "You have never worked alongside Officer David, have you, Aden?"

"No, sir," he replied.

"Appearances may deceive one," he explained, "but Ziva can deceive anyone."

"If that were so," Aden noted, "we would not be here."

Sa'id turned to the younger agent, and nodded in approval. "Now, Aden, you are thinking like a Mossad agent."


	63. You're The Best

"It bought out in me the person whom I had the potential to become. I think that's why I loved it for it's own sake, not to be a ballerina."

The longer he stared at the quote on the poster, the more it seemed to make sense to him. However, that might have had something to do with the running commentary of Mrs. Randall that was playing non-stop in his ear as he stared at it. It hadn't taken him long to work out that this was the same 'Patricia' that Ziva would rant about for supplying child raising tips, housekeeping suggestions and (the ultimate blow to Ziva's ego) recipes. The fact that he was the only father here made him an easy target, it seemed.

His promise to take Penny along to her first dance session had not been forgotten. Although Abby, Ziva or Jenny would easily have fought over the privilege to see her dance in the outfit she'd insisted on having for the past fortnight, it was Tony who would end up with that special moment, something that he'd insisted upon. He could still remember the look in Ziva's eyes a year ago when she had let slip about her father never being there to watch her dance, and how that had disheartened her so much - that was partly why he wanted to be there for Penny so much. He'd seen how something that could seem so insignificant to an adult, like taking half an hour to watch a dance recital, could be the greatest honour in the world to a child. Besides, he hadn't just promised Ziva that he'd be there for it, he'd also promised Penny - he'd rather suffer endless head slaps than see them both give him that 'you are in so much trouble' gaze that they managed to imitate off one another so well.

So he was stuck sitting on the most uncomfortable plastic chair in the world, staring at a poster of Suzanne Farrell. He knew he name only because it was printed in curling handwriting underneath the quote itself on the poster. When Patricia had noticed him looking at it so intently (because the girls were out the back being shown around the other dance halls in the studio and he had nothing else to do) she had instantly launched into a biography of the ballerina's life. He half took in the information of how she was one of the most noted ballerinas of the twentieth century, the founder of her own ballet company right here in DC, and how her stage career had been shattered by the onset of arthritis. He mainly only listened enough to know when to say 'hmm' and 'interesting', occasionally a 'really?'. Thankfully, Patricia didn't pick up on his methods.

"My Natasha adores her," she cooed, staring up at the poster like he did. "She has the same poster on her bedroom door."

He wanted to point out that this probably wasn't in the admiration that she imagined. Natasha had probably seen a poster with a ballerina in a pink tutu with the word 'ballerina' featuring somewhere on the picture and decided that the poster would look absolutely perfect on her bedroom wall. Instead, he just nodded.

"Penny has a Finding Nemo poster," he replied.

A few minutes later he was saved from more ballet and opera history when the girls all came back into the main studio where they were sat along the edge. Penny, surprisingly, was one of the smallest of the girls, all aged between four and six. She tottered in on her miniature pumps (covered in sequins, because she couldn't bare them to look plain), as the other two girls he knew from the preschool, Natasha and Annabelle, rushed alongside her. He was pleased to see her chattering along with some of the other girls in the group, though, especially as Patricia had taken three minutes out of her history lesson to point out to him that lots of these students would be attending the same school as Penny, Natasha and Annabelle in the fall - just another daunting realisation that his daughter becoming 'a big girl', was not too far off.

The three girls giggled when their instructor, Celina, reminded them that dancers to not run, they glide, and it was then that Penny spotted her father. Her face broke out in an excited grin, and she bounced for a moment, waving at him. He raised a hand back, but she barely saw it before she rushed to stand at the bar with the other girls, casting her eye through to the other studio in awe of the older dance class taking place at the same time. Their exchange had been momentary, but it had been enough for her to realise that her father was there, watching her, seeing her dance, and that had made her smile.

And to see her smile, he thought, was worth suffering Patricia's history for.

\-------------

"And did you see my spinning? I think I'm good at spinning…"

Penny continued to babble excitedly as Tony turned the key in the lock, opening the front door to the apartment and letting her run into the hall ahead of him. He crouched down to help her with her coat, which she was apparently too excitable to do herself, and she continued to recall all the events that he'd actually watched intently.

"And Celine said that at Christmas we can do a big show and lots of people can come and watch and our daddies and our mommies can all come and watch but I asked her if my Ima could come instead and she said yes and---" Penny stopped abruptly, her face turning in the direction of the kitchen with her nose sniffing in the air. "Sketty! Sketty! Sketty!" she cried, jumping on the spot. Tony smiled at her pronunciation of the word 'spaghetti', following after her as she ran down the hall chanting "Ziva's cooking sketty!" at the top of her voice.

He loved this moments of domesticity. A year ago, he wouldn't have imagined he'd ever be able to do this - walk into his home with his child, watch as she jumped eagerly into the arms of the woman she called her mother, the two of them hugging as he went past them, kissing them both briefly before taking over watching the dinner so that the two girls could talk about what they had both missed that day. And yet, he didn't think of anything else feeling quite so right. As he resumed the stirring of the bolognaise sauce that Ziva had made from scratch, he didn't think about how exhausted he was from work, even though he'd been able to leave early, or how much he wanted to have a nice hot shower, get into some more comfortable lounge clothes and relax in front of movie for the night. In fact, he didn't think about anything. He just took in the blissfully normal world around him.

Dinner simmering gently on the stove. The radio playing some kind of chart hit of a young girl singing about Romeo and Juliet (he'd heard this before, surely Penny was to blame). Penny showing Ziva just how she did her twirls and her jumps, mispronouncing the real names for them. Ziva making the exaggerated sounds of amazement that she knew Penny adored. The kettle boiling, as it always was when Ziva noticed him finally coming into the building after work, two mugs filled with coffee, one with extra sugar, already stood ready by it with a new carton of milk.

Normal, his head agreed with his initial view.

Perfect, his heart corrected.

\---------

"I am glad you had a good time," Ziva smiled, as Penny's ballet story finally ended the same time as dinner did. She stood to clear the plates, but Tony got their first, allowing the two of them to continue their conversation. "Perhaps next week I shall have to come and watch."

Penny's eyes lit up at the thought. "Really?"

"I would love to," Ziva nodded.

"'Cause everyone else's mommies went, so I think my Ima should be allowed to come to, 'cause an Ima's a mommy too, right?"

"Right," Ziva nodded.

"I think Patricia missed you too," Tony teased, as he lifted her plate from in front of her. He laughed as she grimaced at the thought. He took the plates over to the sink, loading them in to soak and then going over to the window to close the blinds. If he didn't do it now, he knew he'd forget later on tonight. Just as he was about to draw the shutters, however, he saw that there was a car parked outside the apartment block.

He frowned at this. He'd been living here long enough to know all the residents, and they all knew him pretty well, so he knew instantly that the two occupants of the car weren't residents. He wasn't sure whether it had been there when he and Penny arrived home almost an hour ago, because he'd had to rush to follow Penny into the building before she attempted to get into the elevator herself and figure out that she wasn't tall enough to press any of the buttons. They were only three floors up, though, so he could see that on the front dashboard there was a set of binoculars and a map, which the two seemed to be arguing over. After a few seconds, the car started up and the two of them drove off. Wrong directions, he thought to himself.

But later that night, when he noticed the same black car parked on the other side of the street, with the same occupants inside of it, he wasn't entirely convinced they were lost travellers. He took out his cell phone, snapped a photograph as best he could before closing the blinds. It could be nothing, but it could be something and it all pointed to things he'd rather not consider.

Two men sitting in a car, seen several times in the same vicinity = classic stakeout

Binoculars = surveillance

Arguing over a map = a perfect cover.

Something was very wrong here. But if they were under surveillance, who was it from?

And who, exactly, where they watching?

\------

A girls lunch seemed to be exactly what everyone needed. Jenny had called Abby during a quite moment that morning, asking after both her and Caleb, before inviting them to meet her for lunch. After all, she was Auntie Jenny for a second time, and a busy schedule meant that she'd hardly seen photographs of her assumed nephew. She was in no shortage of photos, however. If McGee wasn't on hand to show numerous photographs of his son, she would always wander past Jethro's desk, amused by the fact that he had a photograph frame beside his computer with a picture of Penny and Caleb, proudly displayed as if they were biologically his grandchildren. Although, if there were any of the employees at NCIS who would be most likely to be Gibbs' children, it would be Tony and Abby - it only made sense that their children were displayed on his desk.

On her way to lunch, Abby collected Ziva, insisting that all the grown up girls got together. At times like this they had to insist it was grown up girls only, because Penny assumed that 'all girls only' included herself. That, and Abby knew that unless Ziva came over to visit her during the day, that she would have nothing to do until Penny needed collecting from pre-school. Caleb, of course, was there, but they decided that such an adorable boy could impose on the girls only rule.

"So, Ziva, how are you coping at Tony's?" Jenny asked, as their lunch was placed before them by the waiter.

Ziva smiled. "Well, thank you," she nodded.

"Re-arranged his movie collection yet?" Abby smirked.

Ziva laughed. "Oh no, I have no doubt that I would find myself in danger should I do that."

Abby just shrugged. "Maybe just keep it as a threat then," she suggested. "You never know when he might refuse to take the trash out or something. Just give him the right incentive. I mean, he's got like five hundred of them, I'm sure he'd hate to have to sort them back into whatever the hell order he's got them in."

"Five hundred and twelve," Ziva corrected. "And he orders them in genre. Action first, then classics, comedy…" she noticed the other two women looking at her, biting back their laughs. "Yes, I have lots of spare hours in my day that I find frustratingly boring," she admitted.

"I'm sure we can have Gibbs send over some paperwork," Jenny offered jokingly.

Ziva's smile dropped. "I believe I would rather sit through the film about the blonde woman going to law school again."

Abby laughed loudly. "Tony actually owns Legally Blonde?" she asked incredulously.

"It is ridiculous, if you ask me," Ziva shook her head. "Why should somebody need to be legally declared as having a certain hair colour? And there is no statistical evidence that blonde haired women are any less intelligent than dark haired women."

"Speaking of blondes," Jenny piped up, smoothing over Caleb's hair from his spot propped up in the strolled between her and Abby. "Somebody's inherited their mother's natural hair colour."

"You are a natural blonde?" Ziva asked.

Abby nodded. "Yeah, haven't been blonde for about fifteen years now though. It might go darker though," she said, turning her attention to her son's show of hair. "He's already more like Timmy, might as well have the hair colour too."

"I'm sure you have some dominant genes in there too," Ziva assured her.

"Music taste, hopefully," she laughed.

"Have you filed your return to work submission yet?" Jenny asked her.

"I got it in the mail," Abby nodded. "But I haven't actually….filled it in yet," she explained.

"Why not?"

"We haven't even figured out childcare yet," she pointed out. "Every time we start talking about it Caleb starts crying and by the time we've fed him or changed a diaper or calmed him down we've changed the subject."

"You have plenty of unused vacation time, Abby," Jenny assured her. "If you need more time off it's no trouble to arrange."

"Thanks, but…" she trailed off, sighing as Caleb gargled away from himself. "I'm thinking I might have to take a while longer than I've got saved up though."

Ziva looked at her curiously. "You are considering not coming back to work?"

"I might not have any other choice," Abby pointed out. "Neither of our families are close enough to take care of him every day, and our working hours are so varied that we couldn't rely on standard childcare. It's different with Penny, because she understands that when she's at NCIS she can't go into autopsy and she can't wander off and all those things, but when Caleb starts crawling we can't be sure that he won't crawl in to see Ducky or end up falling down the stairs before he can walk properly. Forensics and NCIS is everything to me," she said gently. "But so is my little boy."

Ziva watched Abby, noticing the saddened way in which she looked at her son. There was no resent or regret in her eyes as she gazed at him, but they were no stranger to Abby's plan of being a wonderful mother as well as maintaining a career. She wasn't about to let raising a child ruin her career, just as she was determined not to let her career get in the way of watching her child grow up. She wanted the balance, even though she knew the needs of her child would always outweigh her love of her job. And right now, the needs of her child were being very strongly brought forward. Her child needed caring for - and she needed to be able to trust the person caring for him, especially when she worked the hours that she did. She wouldn't allow her child to stay with a complete stranger for more hours in the day that she actually got to see him. But Abby was Abby, and Abby needed to work just as much as she needed to be a mother, if only for her sanity.

"I will take care of him," Ziva said suddenly, after a few moments of silence between the three women. They looked up at her, and she continued before they could question her. "I cannot return to work for the foreseeable future, and I have nothing else to occupy my time. I could care for Caleb until either yourself or McGee finish working, and then you do not have to worry about him staying with a stranger."

"Wow," Abby smiled. "Ziva, that would be….wow, are you sure about this?"

"Of course," she assured her. "We are family, yes? Families help one another."

Abby leaned to her side, putting her arm around her shoulders. "Ziva, you're the best!" But her smile faded when she realised something. "Wait, why can't you go back to work yet?"

Ziva and Jenny exchanged a quick glance before Abby got her answer. "I am still attending rehabilitation appointments because of my injury," she revealed, her well-prepared answers. "The doctors feel it is important that while I am resting to quicken the healing process, it is also important the muscles which were damaged do not become stiff."

"That, and the doctors know by now that anyone on Gibbs' team isn't going to listen to medical advice unless it it's ordered upon them," Jenny added lightly.

"But I thought you were okay now?" Abby frowned.

"Abby, I am fine," Ziva assured with a smile. "This is merely precautions to ensure that the tissue damage is not extensive."

"But…it won't be the same without you there," she frowned. "The team won't be the same."

"She'll be back soon enough, Abby," Jenny stepped in. "I'm only assigning a replacement agent to Gibbs' team on a temporary basis, ready to reassign them to another team as soon as Ziva's doctors have declared her fit to work again."

Abby narrowed her eyes momentarily. "You promise? Because the team's family. And bringing in another agent is like sneaking some random person into the back of the house. You don't sneak them in, you have to bring them in to meet the family first before they're allowed sneaking privileges."

"I promise the agent will be reassigned the moment Ziva comes back to work," Jenny assured her.

Ziva smiled along with the comforts, but Jenny's promise didn't mean as much to her as it did to Abby. She knew that the moment she came back to work for NCIS the agent would be reassigned. She just didn't have that much faith in her returning to work for NCIS before she was recalled to Mossad.

\--------------------

Abby rushed into the bathroom when Caleb's unaccounted diaper emergency threatened to put half the restaurant off their food. When she was packing up the diaper bag again, pleased that she had found one stylish enough to bear a skull and crossbones design, she looked down at her son. "You shouldn't look so pleased with yourself, you know," she scolded him lightly.

His amused face looked up at her.

"I mean it," she reinforced. "You could put a restaurant out of business making stinks like that. No one will want to eat anymore."

Caleb gurgled a response.

She poked her finger to the end of his nose, laughing as his eyes followed her finger until he went cross-eyed. "Don't you give me that babble back-chat, Caleb Anthony," she said.

Caleb gurgled further.

"Okay, you do make a good point," Abby smiled, throwing the diaper bag over her shoulder and lifting her clean and smell-free son from the changing mat. "Now, we'll just give Uncle Tony a call and we'll get home."

She pulled out her cell phone, dialling speed dial number 3 until Tony picked up.

"DiNozzo."

"Hi Tony!" she cried.

"Hey Abs, what's wrong?"

She frowned. "Nothing's wrong. Why would anything be wrong?"

"Because you're calling me in the middle of the day, so it's obviously something that you don't want Gibbs or McDaddy to know about."

"I take it they aren't there?" she assumed.

"Coffee break," he confirmed. "So to what do I owe the pleasure? Tell me it's a dinner invitation, it's my turn to cook tonight and I don't think I'm getting let off my desk until at least midnight."

"Sorry, Tony, can't tonight, I've got to call my mom," she told him. Her mother could talk for the flag, so she knew she'd be on the phone for hours. "I just wanted to ask how Ziva's doing."

"Didn't you just have lunch with her or something?"

"Yeah, but you know what she's like when it comes to giving straight answers about medical stuff."

"Good point," Tony laughed. "Well, the doctors are pleased with her progress, but the rest is all long words I don't really understand. You'd do better to ask her and force straight answers out of her. Or just ask Ducky, he goes to all her appointments with her."

"But the rehab's going okay?" she asked. "I mean, that stuff can be nasty if you're still in pain." There was a silence on the other side of the line. "Tony," she pressed. "It's going okay, right? She's okay?"

"Abby," he mumbled. "Ziva rehab ended three weeks ago."


	64. It Could Not Be Helped

A shrill ring broke into the early morning silence, causing the two agents tangled up in one another to jump awake with a start. Both of them groped around for their cell phones, trying to find out which of them owned the offending item disturbing their sleep. Ziva, of course, held the ringing cell phone, and after blearily recognised the number calling her she instantly felt more awareness take over. She continued to let the phone ring as she climbed out of bed.

"Yours?" Tony asked her, feeling the mattress shift as he threw his cell phone down on the ground, missing the bedside table by miles.

"Yes," she whispered back, even though the phone was making a wonderful effort at ruining the silence of the morning. She was about to do the usual, tell him to go back to sleep, just as she did when she went running, before she realised that the phone was soon going to wake Penny up as well, and once that happened there would be no rest.

"Officer David," she spoke into the phone, trying to sound more awake than she was.

"Shalom, Ziva."

She stopped in the doorway, gripping the wood momentarily in her palm.

Tony frowned over at her. "Is it Gibbs?" he asked.

She just shook her head, walking down the hall. However, in the morning calm he was able to hear the words she murmured into the phone. "Shalom, Aba."

Aba. That was a Hebrew word. Worse - that was the Hebrew word for father.

Red alert, his mind warned him. Red alert - Israel has made contact. He couldn't even remember the last time Israel made contact. Surely that couldn't mean anything good? Relax, he tried to assure himself, maybe this is a social call?

But as he placed his head back down on the pillow, he realised in the years that Ziva had been at NCIS, she'd not once had a social call from her father.

"How are you healing?" her father asked her, as she sat down on the couch, curling her feet beneath her. She wasn't surprised at his question. She knew that it was obviously going to be about how soon she could return to Israel. She should have known that he would ask her how she was physically, not emotionally. After all, developing a few insecurities after being shot in the torso by an ex-lover who cheated on her multiple times before she found love with her partner…a weakness, in her father's eyes.

"Slowly," she mumbled. "Too slowly for my liking."

Okay, so maybe it wasn't all a lie. While she was feeling worlds better than when she had woken up in the ICU six weeks ago, she still felt the reminding twinge whenever she moved at an awkward angle. Sometimes it was when she overstretched in a cupboard to get the glasses down for dinner, or when she chanced running that extra mile in the mornings. Whenever the muscle stretched, it hurt, and she couldn't deny that. However, while she had at first hated the voice in the back of her head that spoke the chilling words: 'you're not indestructible' whenever she felt the ache, it only took Penny or Tony to walk through the room for the voice to change to a more familiar tone: 'you're only human'.

And up until her phone had rung that morning, she'd been quite enjoying being 'only human'.

"Spoken like a true David, my dear," her father praised down the phone.

Was this the only time he'd given her praise? She wondered. Surely there had been a time in her life when he had praised first steps, new words…milestones and achievements that didn't involve weapons and hits.

Am I his greatest achievement as a daughter, she wondered, or his greatest achievement as a soldier?

\-----

"Daddy!"

The call came right on time, no less than three seconds before his alarm clock started to blare out into the previously quiet bedroom. He rolled over, hitting the button on the alarm clock just as it starting beeping. Sitting upright, he stretched out the cricks in his neck before pulling his arms up above his head, removing the sleepiness from his limbs. He sighed heavily, running his hands over his head mumbling some incoherent anti-morning grumbles to himself.

"Daddy!" the more insistent call came.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he said to himself as he pried himself away from his bed.

Summer seemed to be ending sooner than he thought, he realised, as he walked towards Penny's bedroom. Granted, it was 6am, but even so it was usually quite warm in the mornings. It was certainly the first time in several months that he felt the slightest chill against his bare chest. Surely it wasn't time to start wearing undershirts in bed again? Surely not when he had a gorgeous woman to wake up beside who wore gorgeous negligee over her gorgeous body? No. No, the boxers or the sweat pants would suffice as long as his duvet remained over him and not being held captive by the ex-assassin who slept beside him.

They had a new routine in the mornings now. Not that there was anything wrong with the old one, of course, but Penny had seen fit to change things just as they'd gotten used to them. Now, like clockwork, Ziva would rise at 5am and go for her run. At 6am, she'd come back through the door just at the same time Penny called out for Tony to come and get her ready for the day. Ziva and Tony would pass in the hall, him on his way to Penny's room, her on her way to the bathroom, give each other a hurried 'good morning' kiss. Sometimes, when memories of the previous night crept up and consumed them, the kiss would be slower, more sensual, and Penny would end up calling out for Tony a third time.

He got into the bedroom, seeing her lying amid the tumbled blankets on her bed - how she managed to work them into some kind of stuffed cave simply by tossing and turning was beyond him - with her arms folded impatiently over her chest, pouting like some spoiled princess. He mocked a bow in the doorway. "You called, your majesty?" he said in an overly posh tone.

The pout disappeared, and Penny giggled. "You're late!" she said, pointing her finger at him as he advanced to the bedside.

"I am not!" he argued back.

"You are!" she insisted. "I had to call you this many times," she said, holding up her left hand with all four fingers and her thumb poking out.

Tony laughed, taking her tiny hand in his and pushing two of her fingers and her thumb down into her palm. "No, you called me this many times," he corrected her.

"Nu-uh," she argued, shaking her head.

"Yuh-huh," he nodded back.

"Nu-uh times forever and ever, I win!" she declared.

"You want to know what you win?" he asked her, with an amazed expression.

She looked up at him hopefully.

"Your prize, Lady Penelope, is….." he said, emphasising a drum roll on the bed frame. "…you get to go to pre-school today!"

Her excited expression fell. "That's not a prize!"

"We do this every morning," he reminded her. "Daddy's run out of prizes now."

"A pony?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Nope," he shook his head. "Pre-school."

"Daddy…" she whined, as he stood up and went over to her wardrobe.

"Come on," he told her, opening the wardrobe door. "What colour today?"

"Green and red and blue and purple," she said, burrowing into her duvet cave.

"Well, Daddy hasn't done the laundry for a while, so you've got to wear your jeans," he told her. "So if you could just pick the one colour, that would be nice?"

Penny's head emerged from the covers. "Red and blue and purple," she decided.

"That's three."

"Blue and purple," she tried again."

"Still one too many."

"Purple."

They played this game every morning too, Tony mused. Purple always won. This was handy, because she didn't really have many clothes that weren't purple. Walking into Penny's bedroom was becoming increasingly like walking into a field of lavender. Once she was dressed with her hair brushed, he threw the giggling girl onto her shoulder, and they marched off down the hall.

When they passed through the living room, Ziva quickly raised an arm and waved him on, pressing her finger to her lips as she did so. He knew why, so he went as quickly as possible. Ziva's father didn't know they were dating, let alone living together - if he was to hear the early morning routine going on in the background, the all powerful Eli David would certainly have some intriguing questions which Tony would find himself answering tied to a chair with sharp objects pointed at his favourite appendage. He put his finger to his lips in a similar manner, showing Penny silently that they needed to be quiet. When she repeated the gesture, they went on through to the kitchen.

They tried to be as quiet as possible until Ziva entered the kitchen several minutes later. Tony was just pouring two coffees for them, a glass of juice already on the work top beside him. Ziva breezed past him effortlessly, whisking the smaller glass up and placing it on the table in front of Penny. She then leaned around Tony to get the cereals down and place them in Penny's plastic bowl. The continued silence hung over them until it was unbearable.

"Everything okay?" he asked her tentatively.

She nodded her head towards the living room.

He followed her gaze, heading over to the doorway so that he could see into the lounge. She'd left the television on, ZNN playing silently into the empty room. Instantly, he could see the reason why the sound wasn't on. In the background of the news feed were scenes of destruction, destroyed houses, screaming civilians, and injured bodies being taken away on stretchers. He was pretty sure that the sound of whatever this was would be unsuitable for Penny's ears. It would only end to questions that he didn't want to answer - why was that lady crying? What's all the black stuff? Why has that building got a hole in it? Penny was too young to learn of the casualties of war.

The scrolling news bar at the bottom of the television screen was playing on repeat. It ran through three times before he even took in the words of it. The second he did, however, he knew what the call was about. He knew why Eli David had found it necessary to wake his daughter up when he knew the international time differences between America and Israel. He knew why Ziva was suddenly getting 'social' calls from Mossad. Because they weren't social calls. They were intelligence calls.

6 Dead, More Feared Injured In Hamas Strike.

"One was a Mossad agent," Ziva spoke, before he had taken the time to realise she was even standing next to him.

"A friend?" he asked her.

"We shared training together, several missions," she confirmed. "My father thought it best to hear the news from himself, not from a reporter."

He turned to her, placing a hand on her arm, the other falling into place on her hip. "Ziva, I'm sorry."

"Do not be," she assured him, though there was no smile on her lips. "It could not be helped, yes?"

But as she slipped back into the kitchen, focusing her attention on Penny so that Tony could not ask her any more questions about what was taking place in Israel, she knew that it could have been helped.

And it could have been her who supplied the help.


	65. Take Care Of Her

"No retaliations on Israel's part have taken place, but many fear that a revenge strike against Hamas may place those in the Gaza strip in danger…"

"DiNozzo!"

He turned the television to another news channel with the flick of the button, but that made no move to hide what he had been watching. Every channel was covered with the same war torn photographs and video footage that had been on his television screen early that morning. No matter which station he turned to, they were all showing the same thing: Israel's losses. He'd not got much information out of Ziva that morning because she'd shut herself off and insisted that there was nothing to talk about, and he dared not turn the sound on the muted television in case Penny started asking questions that neither of them wanted to answer.

"Yes, boss?" he asked, trying to act innocent as he muted the volume and fell back into his desk chair.

Gibbs looked at the television screen. "Ziva know?" he asked simply.

"Her father called her personally to tell her this morning," he said, almost bitterly. Gibbs stared at him, but did not ask the question that Tony answered anyway. "One of those who died was somebody she used to work with."

"Eli call personally?" Gibbs asked curiously.

Eli, Tony mused. Since when was Gibbs on first name terms with the Director of Mossad? Then again, he realised, who would argue against Gibbs using their first name? He'd let Gibbs call him Pansy Flowerbottom if it saved him a head slap or five.

"Yeah, real early," he nodded.

"Time difference," Gibbs reminded him.

"Guess so," he nodded again, not entirely sure that the time difference made the call any more convenient for Eli to make. However, the attack on Israel was probably something worth getting out of bed for….both for the Director himself and his daughter. After all, Ziva had never come back to bed after the news had switched on. He knew that she didn't appreciate the extra thirty seconds before the alarm like he did, but surely she could be more appreciative to over an hour?

"Ziva okay?"

"She's Ziva," he said, by way of explanation. "You know what she's like with stuff like this."

"Doesn't let you see it," Gibbs nodded, noticing familiar streaks in all his agents when it came to that, but none more so than Ziva. Perhaps it was working on the MCRT team with all men that enhanced it, but she saw weakness more readily than even Gibbs did, and so made more of an attempt to remove it. Most of the time, she was actually believable. "DiNozzo,"

"Yeah, boss?"

He cast his eyes away from the television, going back to his desk. "Take care of her."

Tony frowned. "What do you mean, boss?"

"I mean, her country is under attack," Gibbs pointed out. "Her family, her friends…they're in the middle of it. Take care of her."

He continued to frown, but he nodded as he looked back at the television. "Sure thing, boss."

"…but the real question on everybody's mind, of course, will this turn into a war that will involve more than just Israel and Palestine? How soon is it before America feels obliged to intervene and offer help to those who need it?"

\--------

It wasn't really that long ago that night was just an extension of the day. He never really appreciated night for peace and quiet until he'd got to a point in his life where he had a child to put to bed. When the toys were put away and the television was turned off and his daughter was asleep, Tony began to appreciate evenings for more than just dates and parties. Nights like this, especially, he appreciated. There was calm everywhere.

Penny was asleep in her bed, and had been for an hour. Ziva had been asleep for around half an hour. She'd put Penny to bed with him, just like she did every night, and then she had shuffled back to sit on the couch in front of the news feed. After another phone call from her father, one which she didn't answer, she announced that she was going to bed. He didn't argue with her, knowing that it was getting late and they usually ended up in bed around this time anyway, even if it was just to watch television. He wasn't sure whether she'd actually sleep, because he knew how her mind worked, and her mind didn't relax for sleep when she had something bothering her - something like a war in her home country that had rapidly turned very violent.

That was how he'd ended up lingering in the bedroom doorway, just watching her.

Now that Ziva had moved in indefinitely, his bedroom had taken on a much more domestic feel. It was almost marital. The walls were still the same colour, the carpet a similar shade, just a fraction darker. The bed sheets had been changed to the white ones from Ziva's apartment, the ones that shimmered with a silvery tone when caught in the right light, the ones that had a small pink stain on from where Penny had dropped her dessert when they had a movie night in bed together. The bedside table on Ziva's side covered, as always, by her cell phone and whichever book she was reading at the time, and the one on his own was home to just an alarm clock, waiting for his cell phone to join it.

Ziva was lying on the bed, curled up on her side beneath the blankets which were raised only to her hips. The white sheets and silver blankets contrasted to the navy shirt she wore and with her dark hair. He waited for a long time, to see whether or not she was actually sleeping. Usually, if she wasn't, she'd call him out on his staring without even opening her eyes, her ninja senses serving her well. However, her lips were slightly parted, her breathing steady and even - if she wasn't fast asleep, she was getting better at faking it.

He turned and left the doorway, going back into the living room. He was as quiet as possible with every movement because if she caught him now, he didn't want to explain what he was doing. He spotted what he needed on the coffee table: her cell phone. He lifted it, careful not to scrape the plastic coating along the table top and make a sound, and then he brightened the backlight to see something a bit more alarming than he realised.

7 missed calls.

Press Enter for more details.

Oh, like he had the capacity to resist that. His curiosity had more influence over him than this parents had during his childhood.

Missed call 1 - Dir. David. 16.29

Missed call 2 - Dir. David. 17.42

Missed call 3 - Dir. David. 18.10

Missed call 4 - Dir. David. 18.16

Missed call 5 - Dir. David. 18.29

Missed call 6 - Dir. David. 19.03

Missed call 7 - Dir. David. 20.59

Something was definitely not right. How many times did he need to call her about this? Nothing else had happened, that he was aware of. Had something happened that didn't make the news?

Making up his mind, he sent the phone back down, not trusting himself to go near the seven matching voicemail messages to go with the unanswered calls. So he walked away, back up the hall, telling himself that he was doing the right thing. He went over to the side of the bed, and leaned over Ziva, kissing her on the cheek. "Zi," he mumbled. She made a similar noise in reply and rolled over to face the middle of the bed. "I'm going out," he told her.

"Where?" she asked him.

"Just going to the store," he lied. "Penny's out of cereal, we'll never get her to pre-school without it in the morning."

"Okay," she replied, settling back down and going back to sleep with ease.

He watched her for a moment longer, taking in the full extent of what he was about to do. Then he kissed her forehead, and left the room. On his way down the hall he checked in on Penny, giving his sleeping daughter the same kiss on the forehead, before leaving her room without disturbing her. He grabbed his keys, grabbed his wallet, and grabbed his jacket, his cell phone…all he'd need. He wouldn't need his weapon, and the fuss it would take to unlock the drawer and get his weapon out of the safe keeping place out of Penny's reach would surely wake up Ziva. If he woke her up again, she'd ask why he was taking his weapon just to go to the store.

No, he wouldn't need it.

But once he was in the car, he couldn't bring himself to turn the engine on. Was he really about to do this? He took his own cell phone out, staring at the screen before flipping it open. He flicked through his contact lists until he found the number he wanted and then dialled it.

"Hey, it's me….yeah, sorry, I know it's late…I need your help, its important…yes, really important…meet me down in the lab, thirty minutes…okay, I'll see you there. Thanks, Probie."

Closing the phone, he sighed, turning on the engine. As he drove away, there was only one thing left to say.

"I'm sorry, Ziva."

Take care of her, Gibbs had said.


	66. Why Would She Lie?

The lab was quiet at night when there were no cases in progress. Though there were always technicians in the corridors, the lab itself was much more peaceful. There was no beeping, no hum of the computers, no music. It didn't seem like the same lab. It always felt empty when Abby was away anyway, but now, with the lights off, the music gone, and everything turned off...it hadn't felt this empty since the night Kate was shot.

This was partly why he was so pleased when McGee finally showed up. Granted he was ten minutes late and there was a baby balanced on his hip, but he was still there. If anything, Caleb was guaranteed to bring more sound to the lab, so he was pleased for that, at least. However at the moment he was asleep. Tony immediately plucked his godson from the tired man's arms and proceeded to get the boy comfortable against his shoulder.

"Alright, why are we here?" McGee asked, grateful for the relief as he sat down at one of the lab benches.

"Why are you both here?" Tony asked.

"Your phone all woke the baby," he explained.

"You should have answered the phone quicker," he pointed out.

"Whatever. Look, the only way I could get out of the house without Abby asking questions was to say I was taking Caleb for a walk to settle him down."

"She believe that?" he asked.

McGee shrugged. "She didn't follow me, so she must have."

Tony laughed. "Lying to her and you're not even married yet," he noted.

"We're not even engaged yet."

"Yet?"

"I thought we were here to talk about something really important?" McGee covered up quickly.

"One could argue that marriage is really important," Tony pointed out.

"It is, but you mocking me about when, where and how I'm going to propose isn't. Let's just get this over with so I can go back to bed."

"I'm the first person to think that you're in desperate need of beauty sleep, but right now, we've got bigger things to deal with," Tony said, heading back to the reason they were here.

"This had better be good."

"On the contrary," Tony sighed, starting to pace up and down as Caleb started to fuss. "I think Ziva's up to something."

"That's...not good," McGee agreed.

"No, it's not."

"What makes you think this?"

"She's been talking to her father," he explained, shifting Caleb from one shoulder to the other. "Or more specifically, she's been ignoring his calls, not answering her voicemails...now, I'm not denying that she's got some serious daddy issues, but a lot of things haven't been adding up since she got shot."

"Such as?"

"Gibbs telling me to take care of her...going to lunch with Jenny...a lot...not to mention that she's freaked out over this Israel-Palestine flare up and she's been having a lot of hushed conversations in Hebrew..."

"Okay, maybe you're reading too much into this," McGee suggested

"Seriously, does any of that sound like normal behaviour?"

"If you take into account the obvious, yes," he nodded.

"What's so obvious that I'm missing?"

"Well, for starters, now that you and Ziva are officially breaking rule twelve, Gibbs has every right to make sure that you take care of Ziva, it's basically been added to your job description. As for the lunches with Jenny, Abby's been going to them too. I know that women's lunches obviously have some suspicious conversations, no doubt about us, but I don't think that has anything to do with conspiracies."

Tony was silent for a moment, before frowning. "Did I mention that the phone calls have started being answered in the bathroom?"

"Tony," he started, leaning forwards on the bench. "She's having a hard time, and it can't be any easier with her recovery as well. She's just doing what she needs to get her life back under control."

"Oh, her recovery's fine," he brushed off. "She'll be back at work soon."

McGee frowned, confused. "But she just offered to watch Caleb when Abby comes back to work."

"She what?" he asked.

"She said that her physical therapy meant she couldn't come back to work yet," he nodded.

Tony looked up at the skies incredulously, and then groaned loudly. "What is going on with this physical therapy? First Abby asks me how she's coping, now this? She's not having the therapy anymore. It ended weeks ago."

"Why would she lie about that?"

Tony sighed. "That's what we're going to find out."

"Why me?" McGee asked. "Why not ask Gibbs? Ziva could never lie to Gibbs."

"Because I think Gibbs is in on this, just like the Director and Ducky."

"Ducky?" he repeated in disbelief.

"He's been taking her for coffee several times a week, at exactly the same times she used to have her physical therapy. If we want to know what's going on, we have to find out for ourselves. You with me on this one?"

McGee sighed. "What do you need me to do?"

"For starters, we need to find out exactly what Ziva and her father were talking about during those phone calls."

Ziva awoke to a soft clinking sound, a sound, she soon realised, was the sound of stainless steel on plastic. She opened her eyes to see Penny tinkering around on the dressing table, pouring a miniature box of cereals into the plastic bowl. There was already milk swimming around in the bottom, no doubt from the open carton of milk beside the lamp.

"What are you doing, Penny?" she asked in a soft whisper.

"Making you breakfast," she told her simply.

"Thank you very much."

Penny looked at her strangely. "Why are you whispering?" she asked her.

"I do not want to wake your father," she explained.

Penny frowned. "Daddy's not here," she said.

Ziva looked over her shoulder, seeing the sight of the bed still made neatly on the other side, as if it hadn't even been slept in.

"Daddy didn't wake me up today," Penny continued. "Daddy was already gone."

"Was he?" Ziva asked, reaching for her cell phone. She rang Tony's number, but it went straight to voicemail. She sighed, looking up to see Penny standing there, confused as she held out the bowl of cereal.

"Is daddy okay?" she asked.

"He had to go to work early this morning," Ziva lied with a smile, before noticing the absence of something furry beside Penny. "Where is Chase?" she asked.

"I gave him his breakfast too," she said simply.

Ziva was a bit worried now, because she knew that Penny couldn't get into the tins of dog food. They'd already had the conversation with her that dogs couldn't eat chocolate, but who knows what she'd missed Chase almost eating this time. Maybe she'd remembered that Chase normally had biscuits in with the meat chunks. "I hope that you gave him his breakfast and not the same as me," she said lightly.

"No, I gave him a special breakfast," Penny said brightly.

"Really, and what special breakfast was that?" she asked. Please say Lucky Charms...

"Daddy's 'talian shoe."

"His Italian shoes," she repeated, fighting to keep the panic out of her voice.

Penny nodded. "The really shiny ones. Chase was playing with one last night and Daddy kept saying 'no, Chase, bad doggy,'" she said, deepening her voice to mimic her father's. In another other situation it would be hilarious. "But Chase really wanted to play with it. He brought it into my bedroom last night and started eating it so I thought he might like to eat the other one too so that Daddy didn't notice one was gone."

Ziva was stunned, for a moment forgetting her new found anger at Tony's midnight behaviour and wondering how she was going to break it to Tony that his favourite pair of shoes were gone forever, only weeks after she'd promised him that Chase knew which toys he could chew on and he would never dare go near Tony's closet.

"Let us go see him, yes?" she suggested.

"'Kay," Penny chirped.

The apartment block across the street provided a perfect hiding spot for the Mossad agents. Lying low from someone with Ziva's talents was almost impossible, especially in Aden's chosen spots of driving outside her apartment in the car. Renting the apartment under a false identity to an unsuspecting landlord seemed a little old-fashioned, but sometimes the newer techniques were the easiest ones to detect.

"Such domestic tasks are beneath a woman of her standards," Sa'id grumbled, as he watched Ziva move around the kitchen through binoculars.

"It could be a cover," Aden suggested.

"It could be real," he compromised quietly.

"Sir?"

"Women are complicated creatures, Aden, do not forget that," Sa'id explained. "They would just as soon fall in love with you as they would shoot you were you stand."

"From the stories I have heard about Officer David, this does not surprise me."

"Allow her to surprise you, Aden, and you shall not live long enough to acknowledge what it is you have done," he warned.

As he said this, the two of them noticed the most interesting development in their observation. Just as they glanced back to the window, Ziva disappeared out of sight, ducking below the window for a moment to lift a small dark haired girl onto the kitchen counter. Once the girl was sat before her, they spoke to each other, the two of them smiling broadly and laughing with one another.

"Though, this is surprising, yes?" Aden pointed out. "Such easy movement for someone who is recovering from surgery."

"That is not the most important matter at hand here, Aden," Sa'id pointed out. "How old would you say that child is?"

"Three, maybe four years old?" he estimated.

"Get me the director," he ordered. A moment later, Aden was back at his side, holding out a phone. He took it to his ear. "Shalom, Director. I have discovered something important that your daughter may be keeping from you."

Director David's anger was boiling high as he made his next phone call, waiting for a moment until the phone call was answered. The female voice was high, filled with laughter as if she had not even looked at her caller I.D.

"Officer David," she greeted, still laughing.

"I would like to give you this last opportunity to stop lying to me," he growled.


	67. That's Where You Should Be

Shutting down his computer for the night, Tony sighed. The day had been long, boring, and full of paperwork. It had been even longer thanks to his midnight outing that had taken so long that instead of sneaking home and using his intended cover story of waking early, he'd just gone straight to his desk in the clothes he'd worn yesterday night. Gibbs had stepped into the elevator at the same time as him, and chose not to question the fact that Tony was heading to his desk from the lab, in the same attire, but instead just nod a greeting and press the button of the squad room floor. Between the paperwork, when Gibbs would take trips to the Directors office or coffee shop, he'd try and do some research into Ziva's mystery. He'd start at the search box though and not get anywhere – what was he supposed to look for? Until he knew what her father had been saying to her, he knew nothing.

At lunchtime, things had changed. He received a rushed text message from Ziva around midday to say that she needed to go to the embassy for a terrorist group tip off, and that she had dropped Penny with Abby. He spoke to Abby, who had matched Ziva's story about the embassy tip off and agreed to drop Penny at her ballet class if Ziva wasn't back in time. He doubted that she would be, he knew that embassy trips that "wouldn't take long" usually took "longer than expected". He thought briefly about trying to call her, but remembered how McGee had deeply regretted calling her cell phone while she was inside the embassy several years ago.

He stood up and started packing away. Gibbs had said they could go when the paperwork was done, and he hadn't done any for at least an hour. He was just killing time until he had to pick Penny up. He wasn't particularly looking forward to going home to an angry Ziva. After all, he'd been gone all night, he hadn't called, and he hadn't left a note. He'd been expecting a raging phone call with threats of dismemberment first thing this morning, but there wasn't even a voicemail warning him to keep looking over his shoulder until she was done with him.

"Tony," McGee called out as he left his desk. He stopped at the side boards and leaned against one.

"See you tomorrow, Probie," he said half-heartedly.

"Wait-"

"Look, I've got to get going," he cut him off, looking once again at the time. "Penny's at ballet and she'll kill me if I'm not there to pick her up again."

McGee frowned. "Again?...wait, never mind. I managed to get into Ziva's phone," he revealed.

Tony dropped his bag and went over to the other desk. "Can we hear the messages?" he asked.

"Better than that," he said triumphantly, handing Tony two sheets of paper. "Transcript of the first phone call."

"That was in Hebrew," Tony remembered, glancing over the very much English words without taking in the content.

"It's been translated," he pointed out.

Tony frowned. "Who translated it? We can't have anyone else-"

"Relax, I did it," he reassured him. "I used an internet translator. It took my entire lunch hour and every spare minute Gibbs wasn't around, but I figured this was kind of important."

Tony looked at McGee for a moment, taking in the ever present signs of exhaustion in the new father. He realised the sacrifice that using his lunch hour alone meant, because he usually snuck down to the pull-out in Abby's lab to catch up on the sleep he lost at night. He admired that McGee spent the nights getting up with Caleb, claiming that it was only right when Abby had to do it all day. Thanks to the long hours and Caleb's sleeping patterns, it was probably the only decent time he got to spend with his son. "Thanks, Tim."

"No problem," he said with a small smile, moving to shut his own computer down for the night. "Just...don't let Ziva catch you with these and....good luck," he said awkwardly.

Again, he frowned. "For what?"

"You'll see."

-

Despite the temptation to read the translations of the phone call while he was walking to the car, he didn't. He knew that Penny needed collecting, and he was dreading what was on the paper, so the only logical reason was to force himself to put it aside for now, so that he didn't end up sitting in the car reading something possibly unpleasant and forget to pick her up. The drive was torturous though, with his eyes always flickering to the manilla folder containing the two sheets of paper every time he hit a red light, and every time his fingers would twitch at the realisation of how easy it would be to hold up the traffic and read them right there. At one point, he was so desperate not to read them that he almost considered running a red light.

He turned up at the dance studio with ten minutes to spare. As he looked out of the window he could see some of the girls still standing at the bar, practicing the same leg lift over and over. He spotted Penny instantly, her dark hair instantly recognisable from the two blondes either side of her. Unfortunately, he also spotted some of the other girl's mothers all hovering near the entrance, holding their daughter's coats and bags ready for them to finish. He grimaced at them, glad they hadn't seen him pull up and park, because he didn't want to be caught chatting with them again. Ziva was always amused at how they would swoon over him, always happy to feed him to the wolves for her own entertainment – better than most television programmes, she insisted. At one point, he would have used it to his advantage, but now he rarely went to pick Penny up without Ziva. Sometimes he would ring Abby up and 'casually' beg her to collect Penny and swear that he would make it up to her a thousand times over just so that he didn't get stuck talking to all those women.

And now, he had spared time. His eyes flickered to the folder once again. This time, he couldn't resist temptation. Once Penny was in the car, he wouldn't get a chance to read them, and once he got her home he definitely wouldn't. Realising this was his only chance barring the possibility of using it as bathroom reading material, he pulled the folder into his lap, unfolded it, and stared at the paper for a moment. Each sentence was started with a time and a date, the whole conversation spanning no more than two and a half minutes. McGee had obviously put more effort into this than just translating it. He had labelled it at the top, indicating that the text in italics was Ziva's words, and the ones in bold were those of her father. It made for easier reading of course. Taking a deep breath, suddenly unnerved by the greater presence of bold text signalling Eli dominating the conversation, he began to read.

O _fficer David._

_**Shalom, Ziva.** _

_Shalom, Aba._

_**How are you healing?** _

_Slowly. Too slowly for my liking._

_**Spoken like a true David, my dear.** _

_Is there something I can do for you, Aba?_

Tony smiled a little. He could almost hear the tone of her voice. She would often say the same phrase to him, usually when she caught him staring at her. He'd always mumble an innocent no, and suddenly occupy himself with the nearest task at hand, but he always wanted to say yes. Yes, there is something you can do for me – you can promise to always smile as much as you do around my daughter, you can keep on singing in the kitchen because it sounds so much better than the radio, you can reorganise the living room as much as you want because this is your home too now. But he always remained innocent. He always said no. It made sense, then, that her father wouldn't take a single tone of innocence. What could be innocent about the man who raised his daughter to be a killer?

_**Have I called at a bad time?** _

_Not bad, just early._

_**There is no rest for the wicked, Ziva.** _

_We are not the wicked, Aba. We stop the ones who are so._

_**That does not give us leave to rest. I trust you have seen the news?** _

_I have heard rumours from the Embassy that Hamas are becoming more troublesome._

_**Turn on your television.** _

There was a small time gap between Eli's instruction and the next reply from Ziva. He imagined that the ten second gap was how long it had taken Ziva to find the remote among the ever-present collection of Penny's drawings on the coffee table, turn on the television and then process what she was seeing on the screen.

_When did this happen?_

_**Several hours ago.** _

_Casualties?_

_**Many. Six fatalities, more to be expected from those who are wounded. One of our own.** _

_Who?_

_**Officer Eidel.** _

_Alistair?_

_**Yes. You knew him well, yes?** _

_From many of my missions, yes._

_**Then you understand that his loss is a great one to Mossad.** _

_And a greater one to his family, I am sure._

_**Yes, I am sure his daughters shall miss him.** _

_He had daughters?_

And right there, Tony realised how much Ziva really had changed over the past year. Penny's presence had awoken a maternal instinct in her that she had always forced into a dormant hiding place in the back of her heart, where it would be most protected from the horrors that her job and her duty displayed to her on a daily basis. He knew that she probably was a lot closer to this Officer Eidel than she was letting on to her father – she had called him by his first name, for starters. He guessed that he was more of a friend than a colleague, especially for Ziva to have worked with him several times. He had heard stories before that she'd worked with so many different partners in Mossad because she frequently failed to find a partner whom she felt matched up to her standards. Amid accepting the news of his untimely death, however, she was showing concern for his daughters.

_He had daughters?_

_**Two. Both shall know of their father's dedication, I assure you. They shall be proud of him. Ziva, it is time.** _

Whoa, what? Time for what? Tony's hands started to grip the paper tighter, crumpling the edges of it beneath his fingers. Party time? Hammer Time? Something good, he pleaded. But as he read on, he felt his heart dropping with every sentence. At this point, he knew exactly what the conversation was regarding. He knew what she had been hiding from him, but he couldn't stop reading.

_Aba..._

_**Eidel had operatives on the outskirts of the Gaza strip. He was returning to Tel Aviv to brief me personally on their findings. Prior to his death, only Eidel and I knew of their location. His men are not aware of his death. They are working blind, Ziva, and with Hamas at their current ferocity, that is not acceptable.** _

_You wish to send me._

_**You are my most trusted officer.** _

_My health does not permit me to return to the field, Aba._

_**I am not doing this as your father, I am doing this as your Director.** _

_Then as your Officer, and not as your daughter, I am assuring you that I am not yet fit to work._

_**You are needed here, Ziva.** _

_I am needed in America._

_**Ziva, you have been an asset to both Israel and America as a liaison officer, but it is time to leave that post behind now. It is time to come home.** _

A sharp rap on the window interrupted his thoughts. He closed the folder quickly, shoving the papers into the glove compartment as though the paper had burnt him. Once he saw that it was Penny's ballet instructor, he jumped out of the car, ran around to the other side and met the thought-intruders (also known as his daughter and one of her teachers) on the sidewalk. "Sorry, Celina," he mumbled with a sigh, running his hand through his hair.

"Not a problem, Mr DiNozzo," she smiled back at him. She smiled down at Penny, who stood obediently next to her holding onto her hand. "We saw from the window that you were reading. I thought I would bring Miss Penny out to you, in case you were running late."

"Yeah, we've got somewhere to get," he mumbled distractedly. Home. He had to go home, home to Ziva, home to talk to Ziva. Distracting himself form the words on the paper once more, he bent down, lifting Penny up onto his hip with a forced enthusiasm. "Hi, baby girl."

"Hi Daddy," she smiled, trying to show her usual hyperactivity, but as usual, her ballet class had removed all her energy from her.

"We're all very pleased with her progress," Celina praised. "It is obvious she has been practicing at home."

"Oh yeah," he half-laughed. "It's hard to get her to stop." Penny giggled along with him, and he turned back to the instructor. "Thanks for bringing her out, Celina."

She just nodded her gratitude and turned to Penny, smoothing down a piece of hair which had escaped the usually iron-hold of the braid. "I will see you next week, Penny."

"Bye Miss Celina."

When they got into the car, making sure that she was strapped in properly and enthusiastic, Tony realised what he had to do. He couldn't talk to Ziva with Penny there. She had a habit of sneaking down the hall, and Ziva's ninja skills weren't always able to detect it, especially when they were laughing or talking. There was no guarantee that it was going to be a quiet conversation. There might be yelling, some swearing on his part, words exchanged about situations that weren't suitable for a four-year-olds ears. At he stopped at the traffic lights, instead of turning left, he swung the wheel in the opposite direction.

"Say, Penny," he said calmly. "What do you think about staying with Uncle Gibbs tonight?"

-

Penny scampered through the door the second she pressed her palms against the wood. It was unlocked, as usual. Gibbs was standing in the hall with a coffee mug, watching calmly as the girl appeared from nowhere with a giggle, and then disappeared upstairs, no doubt to claim her usual bedroom – Kelly's old room. It was comforting from him to see more toys on the floor, toys that didn't hold painful memories behind their purpose. There was even a drawer among Kelly's old clothes that had some of Penny's for the impromptu nights she stayed over, like tonight, he assumed.

As footsteps sounded on the landing above, he looked back to the front door, where Tony was just walking through, closing the door behind him. "Late call, DiNozzo."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry, boss. Can you-"

"Watch Penny," he finished for him.

"Yeah."

Gibbs walked into the kitchen, indicating for Tony to pour himself a coffee. "All night?"

Tony nodded, reaching for a mug. "She's begging to stay for ages anyway, and since..." he trailed off as he reached for the kettle.

"Since..?" Gibbs prompted.

"Since Ziva and I have something important to talk about tonight, we figured it would be better-"

"Not to be interrupted," Gibbs finished again.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Do you mind?"

A few more footsteps sounded upstairs followed by a giggle. No doubt Penny had discovered the few extra dolls Gibbs had put in the room and was now occupying herself – seconds later, her coat came flying down the stairs to signal that she was happy, staying upstairs, and then all was silent as the playing begun. "She's already settled," Gibbs pointed out as a form of acceptance. "You gonna tell me what this important thing is?" he asked.

Tony silently handed him the transcripts as he joined Gibbs at the kitchen table with his coffee. He studied his mentor for any reaction as he glanced through the words, but even when he turned to the second page there was no telltale sign of knowledge, yet nor was there one of surprise – just as he expected. When he set the papers back in the folder on the table, he was silent.

"You knew," Tony realised.

"I knew he wanted her back," Gibbs said. "I didn't know how far he was willing to go."

"He's the Director of Mossad, how far did you think he was going to go?" Tony shot at him. Gibbs glared at him, and he sighed, calming himself down. "Does Ziva know?" he asked, only to be met by silence. "Boss, did she know about this, before this phone call?"

"Like you said," Gibbs pointed out, "you have something important to talk about."

"Boss-"

He held up his hands. "I don't know how much she knows."

"But she knows something?"

Gibbs stood up, his eyes glancing towards the stairs. "Penny had dinner?"

Tony realised he wasn't about to get an answer out of his boss. The answers would have to come from Ziva. "No. No, we usually eat after dance practice, then-"

"Then bath, then hair braided, then bed," Gibbs recited perfectly. "I know the drill. Where's Ziva now?"

"Home," he whispered.

"Then that's where you should be," Gibbs told him. "Go say goodnight to Penny, and then go home."

-

All is quiet when he opened the front door. It lacked it's usual homely buzz. There was no TV sound, no radio, no laughter, no voices, no singing, no barking dog...there was also no light on. He put his things down inside the front door, keeping the folder with him. He'd decided on the way home that it would be easier to give her the evidence to explain everything, rather than to barge in asking questions.

"Ziva?" he called, walking through into the lounge. He flicked the light on, revealing Ziva to be sitting on the couch and Chase lying at her feet. The reason for sitting in the dark was clear, as the sudden light revealed the active tear tracks on her face. Forgetting the folder and its contents, he dropped it on the arm of the couch in his effort to rush to her side. "Ziva, what..."

She fought against him, stopping him embracing her. "No, Tony, I..."

"You what?" he asked. "Are you okay? What's wrong, has something happened?"

"Tony," she started, her voice thick as she collapsed into very uncharacteristic sobs.

"Ziva, talk to me," he whispered, putting a hand on her leg. "What's going on?"

"I..."

"You what?" he repeated. "You're hurt? You're angry? You're cutting your hair? Help me out here, Zi. Tell me what I can do."

She shook head as another track of tears overtook the last. "There is nothing you can do," she told him.

"Zi..."

She let another sob come out, buried her face in her hands to avoid his eyes and then tried to compose herself enough to let the words escape.

"I am going back to Israel."


	68. It's Out Of Our Control Now

When he had walked through the door, the silence had been worrying. He'd panicked that Ziva wasn't home, that something was keeping her at the embassy, that the dog had gotten out and somehow ended up under a car...this was worse. Obviously, Ziva had never been at the embassy, considering she was still sitting in the same sweat pants and nightshirt that he'd watched her go to bed in the night before. She definitely would have changed out of her night clothes to go to the embassy. She was never anything less than impeccable when she went to the embassy. But sitting in the dark, it didn't really matter. It was only when he'd turned on the light that her attire was revealed.

The tears continued, but they were the only sound in the room. The television was off, the radio off, there was no children's laughter, no barking dog...all their usual homely sounds were gone. The kettle wasn't even boiling. Between his new need for coffee and Ziva's everlasting love for tea, the kettle was almost always near boiling point.

"Tony..."

She was speaking, but it took him a while to realise that it was his name.

"Tony..." she begged. "Say something."

Say something. Find words. Make sentence. Make sentence make sense.

"...what?"

She let out a sob that took on a sarcastic tone. "Thank you for the intelligent response," She said, shaking her head as she wiped underneath her eyes.

"Call it shock," he told her, regaining himself, but still staring at the carpet and the dog's tail rather than her. "Seeing as the whole announcement is rather shocking."

She sighed, running her hand through her hair as her tears stalled. "Please, Tony, I need you to be..."

"What?" he cut her off. "Understanding?"

"Is it so hard to ask for?"

He shook his head, trying hard to process what she'd told him only moments ago. "You're going back to Israel."

She nodded. "I must," she whispered.

His eyes found the manilla folder on the table, just where he'd discarded it. "Your father's orders, right?" he assumed bluntly.

She looked confused. "How did you...?" she stopped as he handed her the folder. She looked at it for a moment, her confusion growing when she looked at the sheets inside. "Where did you get this?" she asked.

"You've been worrying a lot of people," he explained simply.

Another sigh, and then she sounded almost annoyed. "I assume yourself, Abby, and as only one person could acquire this conversation, I am guessing also McGee?"

"Am I right in thinking that we were the only ones who didn't know?" he shot back at her. She looked away quickly. "Yeah, I thought so."

"Tony, I could not tell you."

"Why not?" he challenged her. "At the very least, we're partners, Ziva. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It means everything to me, and that is why I couldn't tell you."

"Because you thought I wouldn't understand?"

"Because I knew you would do everything in your power and more to keep me here," she explained.

His eyebrows knitted together. "And that isn't helpful, how?" he asked her.

"It will take more than your power to make that happen," she reminded him. "These are my father's orders , Tony, and he does not reconsider for anybody."

"Even his own daughter," Tony added.

She shook her head. "I am sure this is some form of punishment. He must know something. It is...strange," she finished.

"How so?"

"If I were the only one he truly wanted to lead Eidel's mission, he would have had me back in Israel immediately. My injuries would not have altered his decision, he would have had me transferred to a hospital in Tel Aviv. Yet instead, he allowed me time to allude him, time to give excuses. That is unlike my father. He knows something that he believes will give him leverage. He is punishing me for something."

"Why would your father want to punish you?" he asked her.

She was silent, her entire body stiffening. "That question has many possible answers, none of which you would wish to know," she told him robotically, her voice turning darker.

Surrendering, as he knew she wouldn't talk about it, even to Tony, with that tone of voice, he asked the next question. "So, what is this punishment?"

"My father has decided that there is only one Mossad officer whom he trusts with this mission."

"You," Tony said.

"Yes, me."

"Did you talk to the Director?" he asked. "Surely she can do something?"

"Yes, I have spoken with her," she nodded.

Another person that knew. "And...?"

"Tony..."

"Don't 'Tony' me, Ziva. Just tell me," he half snapped.

"I cannot stay," she whispered.

"What?" he repeated, having expected – and much preferred – to have heard that she was planning on going to Israel only long enough to kill her own father.

"I need to go back," she said more clearly. "I have to do this..."

To hear her sound like she had already sold herself down the river, he half laughed. "Well, I hope that this mission is real important to you," he snapped.

"It is important to Israel, it is important to Mossad, meaning it is important to me," she snapped back. "If not for personal reasons, for professional reasons, yes, this is important to me."

He sighed. "Ziva..."

"Eidel has three men on the outskirts of the Gaza strip. You have read the conversation I had with my father, you know they are blind to what is happening around them. If Hamas get to them first they could have unspeakable consequences for many countries."

"This had better not involve the words 'road trip'," he warned.

Her look away told him the answer before her words. He knew her too well after working together for so long, both as a field agent and as a friend, a partner. He knew where her heart lie, and what it was telling her to do. "I am afraid it does," she nodded.

He shook his head, his heart pounding. "I've seen the news, Ziva. I've seen how dangerous it is down there."

"I am not going 'down there'," she tried to tell him. The Gaza strip had been all over the news, she knew he had seen the images on the television screen behind his desk.

"You're going damn close to it!" he said, gesturing wildly towards the papers of the conversation. "You said it yourself, it's dangerous to be anywhere near there!"

"Yes, that is true."

"Then why are you doing this?" he shot back.

She shook her head slowly, an ironic smile barely touching her lips. "It is interesting that you are so against this, when your government has always supported Israel's actions and decisions."

"Ziva-"

"Especially since you work for the government, serving the Navy-"

"Ziva-"

"-Your job is to protect the men and women who are out there fighting, and you are preventing me from doing my part to help them-"

"Doing your part could get you killed, Ziva!" he shouted.

There was a moment where the silence was too much, but it was needed. All that was heard was Tony struggling to take the deep, even breaths that he needed to block out the images of shattered bodies, crushed by rubble from explosions that he'd seen on the news, and imagining one of them to be the woman beside him, the woman he loved.

"I am a skilled officer," she reminded him calmly. "I have experience in missions you could hardly imagine."

"Please," he whispered. "Don't do this."

"I do not have a choice," she said.

"There's always a choice," he argued. "You're an NCIS agent..."

"No," she cut him off. "No, I am a Mossad Liaison Officer. If Mossad request my services on a mission of any nature, I am at no power to decline."

"So, what? You go out there, you find Eidel's men, bring them home? That easy?" he questioned. Again, Ziva answered with her silence. "Oh, right," he realised. "You're not bringing them home until after you finish this guy's mission. Another one of Daddy's orders."

"My father has been Director for many years. If he believes this is what is best-"

"Best for who, Ziva?" he shot back. "Are you doing this because your father wants you too, or because you knew the guy who was killed?"

"Yes, I knew Alistair," she admitted. "I also know his wife, Deliah. We were close acquaintances for many years, and before you ask, yes, I have spoken to his widow."

He scoffed. "Bet you couldn't say no after that," he muttered.

"He has two daughters, Tony," she said softly. "His youngest is two months younger than Penny."

"So this is personal for you," he realised. It wasn't a question.

"They will never see their father again," she continued, just as gently. "They will never know how much he went through to ensure their safety. Alistar died protecting their future. He died in the hope that Hamas would not come to Tel Aviv and take them from their beds. He died so they would be safe, and until his mission is complete, they are not safe. No children are. No one is."

"And what about Penny?" he asked. "What do I tell her? That she'll never see you again? That you're doing this because Hamas are horrible people are hurt others, and no one else in the world can stop them? That you might die protecting futures? That you're finishing someone else's mission because the man it was given to is already DEAD?"

Ziva was quiet. "Where is Penny?" she asked after a moment.

"She's with Gibbs."

"I am coming home, Tony," she whispered.

"But you're still going away," he pointed out.

"Yes, that is true."

"How long will his mission take?" he asked.

"As long as it needs."

Meaning she didn't know, he realised.

"How soon do you leave?"

"Too soon."

"Meaning this week," he nodded.

"Meaning the day after tomorrow. Early morning. 3am flight."

"Wow, your father books early."

"I booked late," she corrected him. "He wanted me to leave tonight."

"You convinced him to let you stay another day?" Tony asked.

"No," she said bluntly. "I simply cancelled the ticket he arranged for me, and booked my own two hours ago."

"So soon," he mumbled.

"I will be back, Tony," she told him again.

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes," she said confidently. "It is a promise."

"What happened to not being able to make those promises?" he pointed out.

"I have a reason to come home," she explained.

"Home," he mused.

"Home is not Israel," she told him. "Home is with you and Penny."

He leaned forward, crushing his face into his hands with a groan. "God, how am I going to explain this to her?"

"We will think of something," she told him. "I am sorry, Tony."

He shook his head. "No, don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry."

"It is not fair for me to put your daughter through this hurt again."

"Our daughter, Ziva," he corrected her. She looked at him. "She thinks you're her mother. She asked you to be her mother. She loves you as her mother. Biologically, she will always be Alicia's, but in her heart, she's yours now. Besides, you said it yourself – there's nothing that can persuade your father."

She sighed. "I wish it did not have to be this way."

"I love you."

"Tony, please..."

"No, I love you."

"This is out of our control now."

"That doesn't make me love you any less. There is one thing, though..."

"What is that?" she asked.

"How did you do this? This would have taken more than just avoiding your father's phone calls. How did you keep this secret?" he asked.

"I did not do it alone," she said vaguely.

"Who?" he asked. She was silent. "Who else knew?" he asked slowly.

"Jenny. Gibbs. Ducky."

"Let me guess, Jenny told the lies, Gibbs backed her up, and Ducky was part of the cover up?" he guessed.

"That is the short version, yes."

"Jesus Christ," he breathed, putting his head in his hands. "Ziva...is there..?"

"There is nothing we can do," She said, finishing his sentence when he couldn't.

"I'm supposed to just watch you go?" he realised. "I'm sorry, Ziva. I don't think I can."

"You do not have a choice."

"Why not?" he asked unfairly. "What happened to doing things together, Zi? We're supposed to be partners."

"We are," she insisted. "Why do you think I could not tell you?"

"You did think about sharing this tiny, life-shattering detail then?" he asked.

"Tony, will you stop being such a drama king?"

"Drama Queen, Ziva. And I come home to find you sitting in the dark crying, and I'm the drama queen?" he accused.

She pulled her hair behind her ears. "Please do not make this into an argument about us."

"I'm not sure what this is supposed to be about, Ziva. I mean, did you want me to just sit her and say that it's fine, to watch you disappear out of my life, to watch you walk willingly to your death?"

"I need you not to make this hard for me," she told him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he drawled sarcastically. "I didn't realise this was hard for you. What about us, Ziva? What about the ones you're leaving behind? Don't you think it's going to be hard for us?"

"It's going to be hard for all of us," she acknowledged. "I need to have your support on this."

"You're leaving me. You're leaving Penny. You're leaving your family, Ziva...and for what? To finish a mission that is a s good as a suicide? You could die, Ziva. I almost lost you a few months ago, I had you in my arms, and you closed your eyes, and you stopped breathing. You could have died. You would have, if the EMT's hadn't arrived right then. And now you want me to watch you go to potentially the most dangerous place on Earth right now? You could actually be killed out there...I'm sorry, but I can't give you my support for that."

He stood up, grabbing his jacket and his keys. The dog followed him, right up to the front door, where he only opened it enough for him to slide out without a previous incident of having to chase the dog down the hall and back into the apartment. As he pulled the door close, he heard two unmistakable sounds, neither of which made the decision to leave any easier.

First, the sound of a dog watching his owner walk away from him and not liking it.

Second, the sound of a scared and suddenly lonely woman allowing the last wall of strength and self-reliance to collapse, as she resumed her curled position on the couch and started to cry once again.


	69. We Can Do This, Right?

"You gonna knock, or what?"

Tony looked up from his seat on Gibbs' porch. He shook his head. "Didn't wanna wake Penny," he mumbled as an excuse. He needed an excuse, because he was sitting on his boss' porch bench while his partner was at his home, crying on the couch with only the dog for company, and his daughter was sleeping upstairs in the house he was currently at. He wasn't entirely sure where it was best to be, but he was sure that he'd do more harm than good at home right now. Of course, that explained why he wasn't at home, but it didn't explain why he'd chosen to sit outside in the dark on his own for over an hour.

"She's been asleep for two hours," Gibbs told him. Tony didn't move. The fact that Penny was, and had been, asleep for ages, didn't improve his enthusiasm to move. "Get in, DiNozzo. Summer ain't warm anymore."

Okay, that convinced him. Reluctantly, he pulled his suddenly heavy body from the bench. Was it heavy because he'd been living on mostly TV dinners and take out since Ziva had gone into hospital, and they were too busy balancing work and her recovery to change the routine, or because he wanted to sit on the bench forever and ignore the rest of the world? He obediently followed Gibbs instead, closing the door quietly behind them and trailing into the kitchen almost lifelessly. He went straight to the fridge and pulled out a beer, only to have the elder man take it from him before he could take the cap off, and put it back into the fridge. The chilled bottle was quickly replaced with a steaming mug off coffee.

"You don't wanna be drinking," Gibbs pointed out.

"Guess not," he sighed, taking the coffee. "Got any sugar, boss?"

"No." Gibbs sat down at the table, indicating for Tony to do the same. "You wanna tell me something, Tony?"

"You already know," he spat bitterly.

"DiNozzo," he said, softly, but with a lot of warning in his firm tone.

He sighed again. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked. "Surely, after everything that's happened, I have a sight to know something like this?"

"It was her place to tell you, not ours," Gibbs reminded him. "If she didn't want you to know, she would have hidden it better. Ziva knows how to cover her tracks."

And with that, he realised.

"You knew I'd go looking for answers."

"I know what kind of agent you are," Gibbs said, taking a sip of his own coffee, "and what kind of person you are."

"I suppose I should be touched," he mumbled, sounding anything but.

"But you aren't."

"Do you blame me?"

"Considering the circumstances, no," Gibbs agreed. "I think you have every right to be angry with a lot of people."

"And worried," he added, "and scared, and annoyed, and upset...there are...a lot of things...emotions..." he sighed, turning to his coffee. "I guess that's what you always wanted to teach us, right? The dangers of getting involved with your partner." Gibbs was silent, so he took that to mean a yes. "You knew something like this would happen, but you let us get involved with each other anyway," he accused.

"Tony-"

"Why?"

"There was no stopping you. It was inevitable," he pointed out. "If someone slapped a ban on it, it'd only become more tempting."

"But I bought her too close into my life, into Penny's life-"

"-Because you love her," Gibbs finished for him, causing the younger man to stop. "This isn't an office fling. What you and Ziva have isn't anything to do with Rule 12. You aren't dating, you're involved in something much stronger, and right now you have to believe that it's strong enough to get through this."

"But she could die out there," Tony choked out.

"She almost died here," he reminded. "Location doesn't guarantee safety."

"But-"

"Why are you here, Tony?" Gibbs asked, turning it back on him.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Earlier tonight, you agreed that you should be home with Ziva so you could discuss this. That's why Penny's here. So why are you here, too? Why aren't you at home?"

"I talked to her," he mumbled pathetically, sounding like a teenager unwilling to admit he was wrong.

"She threw you out?"

"I left," he corrected.

"Sound like a good idea to you?" he asked.

"No," he mumbled.

"Then why'd you do it?"

"I needed to think," he explained, still mumbling.

"And did you?" To that, Tony was silent. Gibbs leaned forward on his forearms. "Like it or not, Ziva is still primarily an officer of Mossad, and Mossad business will always come before NCIS business."

"But it's..." he trailed off.

"It's not, what?"

"It's not fair," he argued childishly.

"No, it's not," Gibbs agreed quietly.

"We both struggled to get to where we are now. We're stronger together than we are apart."

Gibbs nodded. "You're a good team."

"Then why has the Director agreed to split us up?" he asked.

"Jen didn't have a say in this. It was an order, not a negotiation," he explained, causing Tony to sigh. "Israel is facing many difficulties at the moment-"

"Yeah, boss. I heard this part already," he said, cutting his boss off mid-sentence.

"Ziva was never forced into Mossad, DiNozzo," he revealed.

Tony looked confused. "But, her father-"

"Her father merely presented her with the option," Gibbs said. "He might have prepared her for it, almost expected it of her, but once her mandatory service was up she chose to continue with her service, and she chose to move into the field that she did."

"Why didn't she say no?" Tony asked.

Gibbs shrugged. Even after all these years, Ziva's motives for joining the metsada were still a mystery. "She wouldn't have ended up here, if she had."

That was true. She wouldn't have ended up here. Ari Haswari would have had another control officer, one that wouldn't be anywhere near as good as Ziva, and would probably have let him kill most, if not all, of the team before he was stopped. Ziva would never have come to the team. She'd never have been there to comfort him when Gibbs left for Mexico, she wouldn't have been there to help Gibbs get his memory back after the explosion, or to help him when Penny came into his life.

"I need her here with me, boss," he whispered.

"She'll come home when she's done," he assured him.

"And in the meantime?" he challenged. "Boss, a year ago, when I bought Penny home, Ziva was the one who stayed with me almost every night when I was freaking out about bathtime, and shopping, and dinners, and bedtimes, and what to do when she got sick, or upset about Alicia. She showed me how to be a father, she showed me how to love Penny how she needed me to. I've never had to do any of this without her, and I'm not sure that I can."

"You can," Gibbs said confidently.

"But why should I have to?" he argued. "We might not be a perfect fit, but...but we're a family now. The three of us have a good thing going on, and this thing with Hamas might end it..."

"The casualties of war spread farther than human lives, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him. "People don't just grieve for the loss of life in the midst of war, there's also the ones back home, a loss of relationships, of family units..."

"I don't want to lose her," Tony interrupted firmly. "I don't want her to go."

"But she has to."

Tony stopped, dipping his head for a moment to stare into his coffee. When he lifted his face again, he seemed to be struggling with how to say something. He looked confused, then inquisitive, then confused again, then doubtful..."Is there nothing we can do?" he asked.

"Jen and I have been through all the options," Gibbs told him. "We've tried to negotiate with her father. We gave her as much time as we could, but now that her father has found out we weren't honest about the extent of her injuries, we have no way of keeping her here. She's still an Israeli citizen."

Tony was silent for a moment, nodding slowly. "What if..." he started, stopped, and then took a deep breath. "Boss, what if she wasn't an Israeli citizen? What if she was an American citizen?"

Realising what he meant, Gibbs leaned back. "Tony..."

"I mean, we love each other-"

"Tony..."

"Who knows, it might even happen one day anyway-"

"She wants to help her country, Tony," Gibbs reminded him yet again. "And when she's done her part, she wants to come home to you."

"She can, but..."

"Does she know that?" Gibbs asked.

Tony looked confused. "Of course she does."

"Does she really?" he pressed further. "You walked out on her tonight, DiNozzo, right when she needed you to understand the most." Tony sighed, realising he was right. "Go home, Tony. Spend your time with her wisely."

He stood up, nodding as he went. "I'm just gonna check on Penny while I'm here."

"Ok," Gibbs nodded, taking Tony's empty mug over to the sink while Tony disappeared upstairs.

-

Peeking his head into the pink bedroom, Tony slid silently into the bedroom. However, his efforts weren't needed as Penny was sitting up, cross legged on the bed – wide awake. He rolled his eyes, noticing how alert she looked and thinking that after her ballet class she shouldn't have been this awake at all. Usually they got the best nights sleep and a lie in after her ballet class, providing they weren't woken earlier than usual for work. He sat down on the bed in front of her, mimicking her cross-legged position.

"Hey, princess, what are you doing awake?" he asked her quietly, taking the stuffed toy she handed him between his hands, so that they were both holding one. Bubble, he remembered. She'd named this bear Bubble.

"I heard your voice downstairs," she told him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he smiled.

"Are you having a sleepover here too?" she asked him brightly.

"No, babe, I'm going home now. I just needed to talk to Uncle Gibbs first."

"Is Ima here too?" she asked, peering at the door just in case Ziva was about to walk through.

"No, she's at home."

Penny frowned. "But she'll be sad on her own," she argued.

"What makes you say that?" Tony asked her.

Penny looked a bit awkward for a moment, as if she weren't sure she was allowed to say what she did next. "She cried lots today when she was on her own. She didn't know I could hear her." Tony was silent, nodding slowly. "Why is Ima sad?" she asked him.

"Don't you worry about that," he told her. "I'll look after her."

"But I don't want her to be sad," she pouted. "I want her to be happy."

"Sometimes grown ups have things that make them sad," he tried to explain. "And we need time to be sad before we can make things better."

"Are you and Ima going to make things better?" she asked him.

"We're going to try," he nodded.

"If you can't, you should ask Uncle Gibbs," she told him. "He cam make a lot of things better."

Tony had to let a small laugh out at that. "I will, don't worry," he promised her.

"But if it's a computer," she continued, "you should ask Uncle Probie, because Uncle Gibbs doesn't like computers."

"No, you're right," he smiled.

But when the words stopped, the smiles faded and the frowns returned. "What is Ima sad about, Daddy?"

Tony sighed. "You need to go to bed, Princess. It's past your bedtime."

"But Daddy-"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" he told her, as he stood up and started to tuck her back into the bed. "I'll come and get you after breakfast and we'll go home to Ima, and we'll have a big talk, ok? How does that sound?"

Penny nodded. "'kay".

"Ok, good girl," he said. "Now, bedtime."

"Goodnight, Daddy," she whispered, as she curled up.

"Sweet dreams, Princess." As she rolled over on her side though, he caught her attention again. "Hey," he whispered. "I love you, ok?"

"Love you, too, Daddy."

-

The next bedroom he walked into was his own. Ziva had vacated the couch and gone straight to bed, no doubt expecting Tony to stay the night wherever he had run off to. He'd almost been disappointed when the dog didn't run to greet him at the door (twice today now), but he realised that Chase was definitely more loyal to Ziva than to him, and he wasn't surprised when he saw the pup curled up on the end of the bed at Ziva's feet. She was lying on her side, facing away from him, so he stood at the end of the bed to see her face. She had her eyes closed, but he wasn't convinced.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She didn't move a muscle, but Chase lifted his head momentarily before laying it back down on Ziva's ankle.

"I know you're awake," he continued. "It's too quiet in here for you to be asleep."

"I am tired, Tony," she said quietly, still with her eyes closed.

"And I'm sorry," he repeated.

She sighed, opening her eyes and sitting up in the bed. "It took you walking out to realise that?"

"Actually, it was the talk with Gibbs that did it," he corrected her.

"I should have known," she mused, moving to lie back down.

"Don't," he said quickly, stopping her mid-move. "Please, can we just talk for a second? Please, just five minutes, then I'll let you sleep and I'll even go sleep on the couch if you want."

"Fine," she said, indicating for him to sit down on the bed. "Talk."

Tony sat down where she pointed, and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, you have said that," she pointed out.

"And I mean it," he insisted. "I...I was a jackass."

"I could have told you that."

"I shouldn't have walked out," he carried on, ignoring her angered dig. "I should have stayed. I just couldn't stand not being able to do anything. All the decisions are made and there's nothing I can do to stop it, to stop you leaving, and I couldn't deal with that."

"And you can now?" she asked.

"No, but I know that it's not my decision," he recognised. "Even if I could find a way to keep you here, I know you'd still want to go."

"It is not a sense of duty, Tony," she explained. "I need to do this for Alistair, and for myself."

"So, your father has nothing to do with this?" he asked.

"He is the one who has ordered it, yes, but I do not go unwillingly," she told him. "I do not want to leave you and Penny, and my friends, but this is something I must do, and I will be back."

"It's still dangerous out there-"

"But I will be back," she repeated. "As long as I have a reason to. As long as I know I have a family to come back to..." she trailed off. Tony was silent. "Do I?"

"Of course you do," he assured her.

"Then you need to respect that this is something I have to do," she told him.

"I know," he nodded. "I know that now." He acted boldly, taking her hand in his, and was relieved when she didn't try to remove one of his fingers or it. "Just...the thought of losing you..."

"You will not," she said confidently.

"I nearly have already," he reminded her. "You weren't conscious for most of it, so you didn't have the whole panicked meltdown thing that I did."

"But I had a reason to come back," she said. "Just as I do now."

"Just try not to get hurt...please?" he begged her. "Just try. I don't want to explain to Penny why you've come home without an arm or something," he mumbled feebly.

"Oh, Penny," she sighed, placing her free hand over her eyes for a moment.

"I've seen her," he told her. "She wants to know why you're sad, I told her that we'll talk to her tomorrow." Ziva just sighed in response. "So, we can do this right? We can survive this? You, especially."

"Yes, we can," she said, with as much determination as she could.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"You are forgiven," she told him. "But you are free to grabble a little more."

"Grovel," he corrected her, but afterwards leaned forward to kiss her waiting lips. "How's that for a start?"

"It is a small improvement," she admitted.

"Fine," he grumbled, kissing her again but with more passion this time. "Better?"

She responded by putting a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss so passionate it felt like his hairs were stood on end afterwards. "That is better," she announced.


	70. Do You Understand?

Penny sat at the kitchen table, her tiny legs kicking away as they hovered a clear foot above the linoleum floor. Every now and again one of her shining black shoes would stray to the side, hitting the table leg with a 'clunk' that made her jump and stop swinging her feet, but a few seconds later she'd forget about the 'clunk' and resume her solo game. She was still low on the chair, even with the pillow that Daddy had placed underneath her to raise her up. In fact, the only way she could assure that she could completely see over the table was to place her chin on the edge of the table and hook herself secure. Usually, at dinner, she would sit on a booster seat that Ima had bought especially for her, but today Daddy was in charge of her sitting at the table and he had just given her a pillow.

It wasn't her fault that she was little. She was the littlest of all her friends in her class at pre-school, except Charlie, but Charlie was only three and she was a big girl and four now. She did think that when she was four she would get bigger, but she had checked on her birthday and all her clothes and her shoes had fit her all the same, so she hadn't got any bigger. She was still little. All her friends at ballet were bigger than her too. Sandy got her new dance shoes because her feet didn't fit in her old pink ones anymore, so her Mom got her new ones that were a different pink, but still pink. Penny had never got new ballet shoes before. Ima and Auntie Abby bought her pink ones with her ballet clothes when she started her dance lessons, but she still had the same little feet so hadn't got any new ones.

She did ask, when Sandy got her ones, but Daddy said that he "wasn't made of money" and that dance shoes were "extortionately expensive" and she would have to wait until "her feet grew". Whatever all of that meant. She remained quietly confused in the car, staring at her tiny feet in her tiny pink ballet shoes, wondering if her feet were going to grow without the rest of her growing. The clown at Michael's birthday party had big feet and he was still the same size as Daddy was. She didn't want her feet to get that big though. The clown man couldn't walk very well, and she had never see shoes at the shoe store that were as big as the ones that the clown was wearing. She thought that she could walk very well now. She could really run too. She didn't even bang into anything anymore when she didn't look where she was going. Well, sometimes. It was good, because Uncle Probie told her that meant she could show Caleb how to walk when he got big enough. He was getting very big, and very happy. He made her arm hurt the last time Auntie Abby helped her hold him...

"Penny, do you understand what we're saying?"

She stopped thinking about her shoes, and her feet, and walking, and running, and Caleb...and forgot what Daddy had said.

"Penny?"

She shook her head, sliding her chin across the top of the table.

Daddy sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. He did that a lot when he sighed. Usually when Penny shook her head, or when Ima gave him a special look.

"Penny, it's very important that you listen and understand, ok?"

She tried to nod, but it didn't work with how her head was hooked on the table.

"Penny?"

Daddy wasn't happy that she didn't answer. So she whispered instead. "'Kay."

Daddy really wasn't very happy today. He looked very sad. Why was Daddy sad? Perhaps Daddy realised that he'd only put her on the pillow and not her on her booster seat. She was sad about that too. Ima looked sad as well, but if Ima was sad about the booster seat she'd just go and get it and change them over, so Ima must be sad about something else. If Ima and Daddy were both sad, then maybe they were sad about the same thing.

Did that mean no one was sad about her booster seat?

Well, she was.

"Penny, do you remember we told you where Ima used to live?" her father asked her.

"She used to live at the big house with us and Chase," she answered. She liked that house. It had a really big garden and Daddy's apartment didn't have a garden. Neither did Auntie Abby and Uncle Probie's. Uncle Gibbs had a garden. He had a real big garden with pretty roses that he helped her plant. There were flowers in his basement too because her and Daddy painted them on his boat. Uncle Gibbs really liked them, he told her so.

Daddy sighed again. "Before that, honey."

Penny frowned. "She lived at her house."

Ima leaned over the table a little bit, taking over for Daddy. Perhaps Daddy wasn't doing a very good job at telling her what she was supposed to be listening to. "Penny, how do we say 'hello'?" she asked. "How did I teach you?"

"Shalom," she said softly.

"Do you remember where I learned to say that?" Ima asked her.

"Your Ima and your Ada taught you," she remembered. "In Israel." She then realised what Daddy had been asking and looked at him. "Daddy, Ima lived in Israel."

"Yes, that's right," Ima praised her. "My Ada still lives there."

"He's a boss like Auntie Jenny," she nodded.

"That's right," she said again.

"He was on the phone the other day," Penny also remembered.

At that, Daddy and Ima looked at each other for a long time, then Daddy talked again. "Penny, Ima's Daddy misses her a lot, and she needs to go and see him for a while."

She smiled and jumped enough on the pillow that she could see properly over the table. "Are we going on holiday?" She wanted to go on holiday. She wanted to go. She didn't think she'd ever been on one before. Daddy had, because that was why she didn't see him for a long time. He came back when Mommy got sick though, because he wanted to look after her so that she didn't have to live with Grandma and Grandpa. Ima said that there were beaches she used to go to when she was little, and Penny wanted to go to them.

Wait, why weren't Daddy and Ima smiling too?

Weren't they going on holiday?

Were they going without her?

"Penny, my Ada needs me to help him with his work," Ima told her. "I need to go and stay with him for a while to help him."

"Are you allowed to work on a holiday?" she asked.

Daddy sighed. Again. "Penny, you and me are going to stay here while Ima goes to work?"

"Why?"

"Because Ima needs to go on her own?"

"Why?"

There were lots of words next that Penny didn't really understand but they weren't words that made her happy. Ima was going to find some people who were lost, and her and Daddy had to stay here without her until she found them. She didn't know why she wasn't allowed to go and help. She was much better at finding thing than she was at losing things. She helped find Daddy's lost shoe after Chase hid it. She helped Ima find the remote after Daddy hid it. She helped Chase find Daddy's shoe after Ima hid it. But Ima had to go alone. She had to find the lost people and bring them all home to their Ima's and Daddy's and their little boys and their little girls.

"But I want you to stay," Penny whispered with tears in her eyes.

"I wish I could," Ima whispered to her. "But it is not fair to leave the lost people all alone, is it?" she asked her.

"Can't someone else find them?" she asked.

"I am afraid not," Ima said.

"But who will look after me and Daddy and Chase?" she asked.

"You will look after each other, and you will have Uncle Gibbs, and Auntie Abby and Uncle Probie..."

"But they're not you," Penny whispered.

Ima moved from her chair and came and sat next to her chair on the floor, looking up at her with sad eyes. "Penny, I am so very sorry that I have to go away and I will miss you so very much. I need to help the lost people because they are alone in a bad place and they want to be at home with their families, and I am the only one who can find them."

"I can help," Penny sniffed. "I'm a good finder. I can help-"

"I know you are a very good finder," Ima told her. "But these people are very, very lost. You can help me best by staying here with Daddy and helping him find his lost things. Can you do that for me?"

Penny sniffed even more. "But I can help find the lost people."

"Penny, if you come with me and find the lost people, who will look after your Daddy?" Ima asked.

"We need you to look after us," she said. "We will miss you too much."

"You will be ok," she said, stroking Penny's face. "I will come home when I have found them."

"When will you find them?" Penny asked.

"I will be some time, but I will come as soon as I've found them, I promise."

"Will you be home for Christmas?"

Ima didn't say any more words after that.

Ima didn't move at all after that.

Ima's hand stayed on her face, watching her carefully with eyes that had got more sad in them. Penny didn't like Ima when her eyes were sad. They were pretty eyes. She knew Daddy liked them a lot. Daddy always says that she's got pretty eyes. But Daddy also knows when Ima is said from her eyes. She wasn't sure how, but she could see looking at Ima now that her eyes were very sad indeed. Penny's eyes were wet with tears, she knew what her eyes felt like when she was crying. She didn't like crying but she cried a lot. Everyone said it was ok for her to cry a lot because she was very little and had some very sad things happen to her. She didn't like crying thought because it didn't feel very nice and she always ended up asleep afterwards.

When Daddy got out of his chair and came to sit next to Ima in the floor, Penny realised that this might be another sad thing that she would be told it was ok to cry about.

She kinda hoped so, because she was already crying.

"Penny, sweetheart..."

"Daddy, I don't want her to go away," she said, starting to cry.

"I know, I don't want her to go either," he agreed. "But Ima needs to help the lost people."

"But I want her to stay here with us," she argued.

Daddy took her off the chair and cuddled her against him. She liked to cuddle Daddy when she was sad, he was warm, and he smelt like...daddy smell. Daddy was perfect for cuddles. Nothing bad could get her in a Daddy cuddle. Not in the middle of the night when she was scared of the monster under her bed. That monster was scared of Daddy because Daddy was a cop, and he made monsters go away. The monster was even more scared of Ima.

"Do you remember when Mommy was sick?" Daddy asked her. Penny sniffed and nodded. "Mommy was hurting when she was sick, and even though she wanted to stay here with us she had to go away to a place where she didn't have to be sick and hurting anymore."

"Is Ima sick?" Penny asked in a panic.

"No," Ima told her, leaning her head on Daddy's shoulder with her and joining in their cuddle. "No, I am not sick, tateleh."

"What I mean," Daddy carried on, "is that even though Mommy wanted to stay, she had to go away. She's up in Heaven looking after all the children up there. Ima wants to stay, but she has to go away for a while. But she's only going to Israel, not to Heaven."

"Is Heaven in Israel?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"No," Ima told her.

"I've got an idea," Daddy said, standing up while still holding onto Penny. Ima stood up as well and together they went into the living room, over to the shelves on one side of the wall. Here were all Daddy's films, and all Ima's books, and some photos of them all with their friends and their families. There was a picture of Mommy next to one of Penny and Daddy, and on the other side of Mommy was one of Penny and Ima. Next to some of Ima's books on the shelf there was a big round globe, Ima would sometimes bring it over to the table on the days where she wasn't working again yet and she wasn't at pre-school and tell her about the different places there were in the world and what you could do there.

Daddy picked up the globe and took it over to the table by the couch, like Ima usually did. Penny had never seen Daddy playing with the globe before, but Ima had told her stories about the places that Daddy had been to as well. Ima had been to much more places than Daddy had. He started spinning it around, and he found the big country called the United States of America. Ima had shown her this one first because this was where they lived. They were on the edge of the big coloured spot on the globe, right by the blue part that was the ocean.

"You see here?" Daddy asked, pointing to it. "This is where we are right now."

"United States of America," Penny recited, her voice still tiny and sad.

"That's right," he told her. "And this..." he said, starting "...this is Israel. This is where Ziva's going to go."

Penny stared it for a long time. It was the same colour on the map as the country they were in. She started to turn the globe.

"What are you looking for?" Daddy asked her.

"Heaven."

"Heaven isn't on the map," Ima said.

Penny frowned. "Then how did Mommy know where to go?" Mommy would need a map. Mommy had always used a map.

"The angels showed her." Ima told her.

Penny looked up at Ima. "If the angels show Mommy where to go, who's going to show you where to come home?"

Ima gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "I shall remember the way."

"And you'll come home real soon?" she asked hopefully. "Right after you find the lost people. And for Christmas."

Ima took her hands tightly. "Penny, I cannot promise that I will be home as soon as you want me to be. I also cannot promise that I will be home for Christmas. But I can promise that I will try, and that I will be home as soon as I possibly can. And one day, when you get up in the morning to have your breakfast, I will be here."

But telling Penny that she would be leaving the next morning had started the tears all over again.

That night, Tony and Ziva lay in bed, entwined tightly around one another for the last time in too long. He didn't know how long it would be until he felt her warm skin touching against his own. He didn't know when he would next hold her against him without her being taken from him. He kept his eyes closed but willed himself not to fall asleep. He could sleep tomorrow, thinking he'd take up the offer to cry himself to sleep alongside his daughter. She'd done that already tonight, when Ziva had said she'd put her to bed, not wanting to say that it might be the last time she'd do so. She'd hated herself all afternoon for promising Penny that she would come back when she'd been unable to do so to Tony.

"I do not want to sleep," she whispered into the darkness of the bedroom.

"We don't have to," he whispered back.

"Penny will be waking us up for pre-school in four hours," she told him.

"She's not going," he decided. "The rest of us are going to say goodbye at the airport, I can't leave her out of that."

"Tony," she sighed, leaning up on her forearms. This disconnected their embrace and he mimicked her so that they were eye to eye. "I would prefer if you all did not come to the airport," she told him.

He frowned. "Why wouldn't you want us to?"

"I have said my goodbyes, Tony," she reminded him. "I have spent my day with you all. I have spoken with Gibbs, with Ducky, I have spoken with Tim and I have been hugged violently by Abby, and I have held Caleb. Tonight, I have put Penny to bed, kissed her and told her that I loved her, and I have spent my night in your arms with no doubt of our love for one another. I have spent the day saying my goodbyes, and do to so again would feel too much like I will not be saying hello to them again."

"You will be," he assured her. "You're coming home, Zi. Even if I have to come to the Gaza Strip and drag you home myself."

She smiled sadly. "That is very sweet of you, but I would not recommend it."

He leaned forward and kissed her. "Don't not ask me to come to the airport."

"You need to keep the day as normal as possible for Penny," she told him. "Take her to preschool. Go to work..."

"Then come home to an empty apartment."

"The dog will be here," she told him. "Unless you plan on sending Chase with me."

He sighed. "It won't be normal without you, Zi. You are our normal now. Although the part about Chase is tempting. You are the only one he listens to."

She moved closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder and sighing. "Sleep, Tony," she tempted him. "I want us to wake up together in the morning."

And though he didn't want to turn off his mind from inputting every detail of her to memory, the feel of her gentle breath against his collarbone lulled him easily into a restless sleep.


	71. I Can Make It

The alarm peirced through the bedroom with its usual shrill cry. As he shut off the screaming demand that he get out of bed, Tim debated getting a more subtle alarm. It wasn't like he needed a such an obvious one, not with a baby boy in the house. It was rarely that he actually got to chance to hear the alarm without already being awake. Slowly, he pressed down on his eyes, begging that lingering sleepiness to leave him a bit faster. As it did, he noticed that the six o'clock alarm hadn't bought the grumbles that it used to. Although Abby was always raring to go within seconds of ingesting caffeine, she didn't always make the transition between sleeping and waking easily. In fact, the instant waking demand of coffee or Caff-pow was sometimes frightening to hear, and he sometimes wondered whether it would be more dangerous not to feed his son or not to make the coffee.

Sure enough, when he looked around, he found that the spot in the bed next to him was empty, and a stretch of his hand against the sheet proved it to be cold. Abby wasn't in their bed, and hadn't been for a while. With sleep still sitting on his shoulders, he pulled himself away from the pillow and pulled a shirt over his head. Usually when Abby was out of bed before the alarm and without complaint it meant that Caleb had been awake all night, and that usually bought a lot more noise than the current silence in the house. If it wasn't for the fact that the front door creaked in a way that alerted everyone during the night, he'd have believed he was alone in the house.

He wasn't alone, as he quickly spotted Abby slouched on the couch with their son occupying himself with using her a climbing frame. He was awake, but content and happy, a sign that he had been fed and was enjoying the still sleepy cuddles with his mother that he did every morning. Abby was due to return to work after her maternity leave in three weeks, and they still had not made a decision about childcare. It was Ziva's offer of looking after Caleb for Abby to return to work which had revealed all of the complications which had lead to...

Today.

It was today.

And remembering that made him realise exactly why Abby was up hours before she needed to be. Today was the day that Ziva was leaving, and she had spent an emotional day yesterday saying her goodbyes. Ziva had asked them not to go to the airport, and while Tim had found it incredibly hard to say goodbye to her for what would be an indetermined amount of time, for Abby it had been devestating. It was that girlfriends bond that had taken a while to set in for them which was now being ripped apart. It was almost as bad for him as watching Tony looking at Ziva across the room. Ziva had always made it very easy to keep herself out of situations where saying goodbye emotionally would be necessary, and now, with the life she had built for herself here, she had landed herself in the exact situation she'd always fought to deny herself. She'd had to say goodbye to Gibbs, to himself and Abby, to Caleb, who had seemed to know something was wrong and fuss when Ziva had passed him back to Abby, and there was Ducky, and Jenny, and Palmer and of course there was Tony and Penny.

There was also the possibility of her not coming back that was haunting the back of their minds.

"She'll be ok," Tim whispered.

Abby didn't make any indication that she'd heard him.

He joined her on the couch, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. This time she recognised his presence and laid her head down against him. She looked broken and angry. Caleb spotted his father and gurgled, settling himself between his parents and grabbing each of their free hands. He was gaining strength in his tiny limbs now and was particularly interested in people's hands.

"She'll be ok," he repeated.

"What if she's not?" Abby asked. "Things happen. Mossad happens. Terrorists happen."

"Yeah, things happen," he acknowledged, "but Ziva happens to, and she's tough."

"Ziva's changed since she first came here," she reminded him. "She's not the same emotionless warrior that she'll need to be out there."

"I think that's for the best," Tim told her. "I think that knowing she has people to come home for is good for her. She'll remember how it feels to be home when she feels so far away."

Abby sighed, and Caleb put his hand on her cheek with an exclamation of "bah!". "What if Caleb doesn't remember her when she comes home?" she asked.

"He'll remember," he insisted. "This kid doesn't forget a thing, trust me. He'll remember. We all will. Anyway, we've got to be strong now, for Tony and Penny."

The weight of Ziva's leaving doubled when their names were mentioned, and the room was silent for a while. "I can't believe this is happening," Abby mumbled, turning her head into Tim's shoulder once again.

He was going to die. Or pass out. Or start hyperventilating. Or stop breathing. Wait, that was dying, right? No, if he stopped breathing, he'd eventually pass out, and passing out can't kill you. Something was going to happen, and while he wasn't a doctor he was pretty sure that it wasn't something good. His palms were sweating, his heart was pounding, every limb was trembling, his tongue felt five times bigger than it should be...

Oh god, she was really going.

The small suitcase was by the front door, and he knew that it contained nothing but the memories she wanted to take with her. There was a few change of outfits, a lot of photographs that he insisted she take with her, and a small stuffed animal of Penny's that his daughter had forced into a small gap in the case before Ziva had closed it yesterday. It was a dolphin that Ziva had bought for her, part of a matching pair that contained a 'mommy' dolphin and a 'baby' dolphin that was several times small. Naturally, Ziva had been given the bigger one until she had pointed out that she should take the small one to hug instead of Penny, and that Penny should keep the larger one to hug instead of herself. It had taken a long time, but Penny understood eventually.

Everything else was staying in his apartment. Their apartment. It was still theirs, even though she wasn't going to be here for a while, and even though they didn't know how long that while was. Her straightening irons were still in the bathroom, as were her shampoos, her conditioners, her bath oils. In the kitchen, her mug would continue to sit next to his, perhaps the only part of the home that they did adopt the 'his and hers' cliche, and her turkey-bacon substitute would still be in the refrigerator until its use by date had long passed. She'd told him to throw it out, but part of him wanted to keep it in case the date was still good when she came back. They both knew it wouldn't be, the expiry date was in four days. Her running shoes would even have been by the front door from several days ago, but she was ridiculously organised and they had already been put back in the closet.

Everything was staying, but she was going.

"Tony," she whispered. "It's time."

"No, it's not," he immediately denied. "It's not time. We need more time."

She took the extra step closer to him and he heard that her breath was shaking as much as his was. Although he wanted to spend as much time looking at her as he could, he drew her into his arms with so much force that it hurt them both a little. But still, they clung to each other, almost wanting it to bruise for a reminder of that moment, the moment in which they were together. They needed this moment, as Tony had said, they needed more time.

"We shall have more time," she told him.

"I thought you weren't making any promises?" he reminded her bitterly.

"Tony," she scolded him lightly.

"Sorry," he breathed. "I just...this mornings come around real fast."

"Everything has happened fast," she agreed. "There are many promises I cannot make, but I can promise that I will be as careful as I can be, and that with every inch of my heart I will strive to come home to you and our family."

"Our family," he repeated. "I like the sound of that."

"It is an odd family," she commented. "But I would not trade it for the world."

"Yeah, me neither."

Silence fell around them, and not even the dog stirred. At the moment, Chase was stationed outside of Penny's bedroom door, silently staring at the couple down the hall without interrupting them with his usual whine of knowing when something serious and potentially sad was happening. The need to speak and say everything was overcome by the lack of wanting to say goodbye. So they held each other, and they didn't let go until they absolutely had to. When they did pull away, both had tears on their cheeks and there was no hiding either of them. Their lips met with a softness and an urgency, neither wanting this to be their last kiss even though the situation may have made it so. If this was to be their last kiss, he wanted her to feel all his love in it, and if it wasn't, then he needed it to be enough for her to come home for.

And after their lips parted, they rested their foreheads together and remained that way. He wasn't sure if his heart was pounding overtime or whether it was about to stop beating altogether, all he knew was that he didn't have the necessary motor skills to let go of her. His arms were cemented to her sides, his hands fused to her back. Even though she wouldn't need it, he wanted to believe that he could protect her from the rest of the world with those arms. Instead, he could just wait with open arms for when she would walk back into them, hopefully in the perfect condition in which she was leaving them in.

"Please-"

"Tony, you can't ask me not to go," she told him, her voice unmistakenly thickened with the unshed tears in her eyes.

"Why not?" he asked, his own voice bordering on matching hers.

"Because I can't stay," she told him, even though she wanted to stay so much.

"Ziva-"

"Tony, please, this is hard enough..."

"I know this has already been decided by higher powers than us, but I really don't think I have the strength to watch you walk away, not after everything that's happened," he admitted, his hands pressing firmer into her back. "I don't...I can't watch you leave, I can't."

"You have to," she told him.

And then at that moment, as he looked into his eyes and began to lean in again, he was reminded of another moment not to much over a year ago. Another moment he'd been this close to her and asked her the same thing. He remembered being this close, wanting to be closer, and of all places, they had been stood in the same part of his home. This time, it wasn't Adam stealing her away from him though, it was her home and her duty.

"Stay," he whispered, as he had done a year ago.

"I told you not ask me that," she told him, her voice sounding even more broken.

"If I ask again, will you stay?" he requested, and as she met his eyes he knew that she understood that they were revisiting this moment. She understood that she had walked away from him once before and that this was just like that moment. That moment, he had stepped aside and he had allowed her to leave trusting that she would be safe, but Adam's actions had landed her back on his doorstep days later with his worse intentions and Tony had vowed never to let her walk away from him again.

"Yes," she told him, using the same words as before. "So do not ask."

And last time, this is when Penny had interrupted them with her sleepy whispers and requests for her father, but this time there was no interruptions. There was nothing breaking the moment other than themselves. They would need to take themselves apart, separate themselves in much more obvious terms than just from their arms.

"I love you, Tony," she told him.

"I love you too,"

And that's all he remembered. He closed his eyes as she picked up her bag, and closed the door behind her. He didn't want to remember the sight of her leaving, he just wanted to remember her eyes when she told him that she loved him. He needed to cling to that memory, of their love, rather than the image of her leaving. He stood there for a moment, letting the pain and the heartache leave him through his eyes but attempting to stay as quiet as possible, and then he knew exactly what he needed to do, and he woke up his daughter.

A furious banging on the door startled Caleb into noisy, irritable tears. Abby rushed to calm him while McGee answered it, allowing a hurriedly rushed Tony to force himself into the apartment. Penny was still sleepy and miserable, tucked on his shoulder in her winter coat and summer sandals, obviously the closest things Tony had grabbed. Both of them had disheveled hair and dark circles under their eyes.

"Tony, what are you doing here?" Abby asked, as Tony immediately put Penny down on the couch beside Abby and the baby.

"I know it's short notice, but I really need you to watch Penny for a while. I'll be back soon-"

"What's going on? Has Ziva gone already?"

"Her flight leaves in thirty minutes, I can still make it-"

"Tony, she didn't want us-"

"I don't care!" he insisted. "Look, I have to be there. There's still time. I can make it."

"Tony, you'll never make it in time now," Tim told him quietly.

"I can make it," he insisted again. "Please."

A look at the confused little girl, who had already cuddled up to Abby and resumed sleeping on the couch, and Tim had made up his mind.

"Ok, we'll watch her. Go."

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. On some level, it still did.

Casablanca, 1942. An American expatriate sent his former lover away on a fog-filled tarmac in one of cinema's greatest scenes. Bogart and Bergman in the classic genius of cinema.

A boy screaming on top of a suitcase. A woman hoisting a baby onto her shoulder. A severely sunburnt man.

No Ziva.

Meet The Parents, 2000. A nurse waits to return back to his former life, unaware that his father-in-law to be has called ahead to purposefully annoy him. Not quite classic cinema, but a brilliant satire on airport boarding and airport security.

A large woman followed by three kids all demanding candy.

No Ziva.

Love Actually, 2003. A young boy dodges past security and runs as fast as he can through the airport while chased to find the girl he loves before she returns to America.

People. Suitcases. Stewardesses. More cases.

Where was she?

He ran through the airport, ignoring all requests for him to slow down and to be careful of others. He'd imagined the airport cliche of the crowds parting and Ziva be standing in the middle of them, waiting within arms reach. Did movies really tell the truth about anything in life?

He was running out of space to search, and just when he found himself close enough to see her dark hair, pulled back in a braid running down her back, and to see that honey coloured skin and her dark brown eyes turn to glance at is, it was just like in the movies. She looked at him with a mixture of sadness and happiness, obviously upset that he had ignored her request to stay away from the airport, but glad that if somebody had come that it was him. Now, just like the movies they would come together, embrace and he would bring her home...

But the sadness in her eyes, it wasn't because he'd defied her wishes.

She'd already gone through the gate.

His heart pounded as he finally slowed to a stop, right at the side of the gate. He stared at her, mirroring her gaze, broken, helpless, and with an unresigned tiredness.

He was too late.

If he'd been thirty seconds sooner...if he'd not hit that red light...if he'd not taken the time to park correctly...if he hadn't slowed down behind the kids playing by a vending machine...if he hadn't almost taken that wrong turning...if he hadn't had to double check the flight number on the board...

She'd gone too far. There was no going back.

"Tony," she whispered, stepping closer back to where he stood rather than heading into the tunnel that would take her to the plane. The stewardesses glanced at the clock and then at Ziva, something that neither of them failed to notice. They were short on time. Ziva would not allow the plane to leave without her, he had to be quick...

"We don't have much time," he told her hurriedly. "I can't let you go back there."

"Tony, we have been through this-"

"I know," he told her. "But I can't let you do it. It's too dangerous."

"They are my friends, Tony. They will die if I do not go-"

"And you will die if you go," he said. "Don't deny it, it's dangerous out there and you're not only going into the heart of it, you're going in the most dangerous way possible."

"Tony-"

"You don't have to go."

She took another step closer to him. "I am not able to stay, Tony."

"He can't make you go."

"He is my father," she told him. "Of course he can."

The stewardess stepped beside Ziva. "Ma'am, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid it's time to go, we can wait no longer."

"Please," Tony said to her. "It'll just take a minute-"

"Sir, I'm afraid the plane cannot wait for one person."

"Tony," Ziva shook her head. "I will be back."

"He can't make you do this," he told her desperately. "He can't take you away from me."

"He already has," she whispered, tears in her eyes once again as she kissed him softly over the barrier and turned away before they fell to her cheeks.

"Ziva!" he called her, when she refused to turn.

The stewardesses gave him a sympathetic look and he called her again, twice more, no answer, and just as she was about to disappear, he said the only thing he could think of to get her to turn around and stay.

"Marry me!"


	72. Duty Before Family

Penny was sat silently on the couch, watching baby Caleb kicking his legs around. Abby had decided that he was enjoying laying out on the rug after she'd changed him so was letting him stretch out his legs while he enjoyed the wonderful view of his baby gym mat, occasionally lifting a hand to knock the soft toys that hung above him. Usually, Penny would be sat beside him, knocking them for him so he could hear the bells ringing inside them, giggling when he tried to reach them and couldn't always stretch that far, or when she would press the button that started a tune she would sing along to it. Today, she sat alone on the couch, just watching him play without her. Abby felt even sadder as she watched her, she knew that she would miss Ziva as her friend, but Penny had already lost one mother figure and now she was losing another, however temporary the situation would be. At this rate, she would forever associate mothers with hospitals, sickness, injury and leaving.

"Penny, do you want to play?" she asked.

Penny shook her head, pulled her legs up in front of her on the couch and laid her head on the pillow. "No."

"Are you still tired?"

She nodded a little. "Early," she decided.

It wasn't early. It was ten minutes away from leaving for her pre-school, but Abby wouldn't be ready in time to leave from when she'd remembered that so she'd already called ahead and told them that due to a family situation she was being kept home today. "Why don't you take a nap, honey, and when you wake up we'll go see Uncle Gibbs, ok?"

She nodded again, and put her head down on the pillow and fell asleep within moments. Abby took this opportunity to remove the girl's shoes and pull a blanket over her. Caleb was perfectly happy playing so she sat down next to Penny and took out her cell phone. A quick dial to Tony showed that his phone was still off, as it had been all morning. She knew he'd get hell for having his phone turned off all morning, but hoped that Gibbs might overlook it. She looked down at the sleeping girl and shook her head.

"I hope your Daddy knows what he's doing," she murmured.

Taking Penny to NCIS may have been a slight mistake. Abby was hesitant to go down to the lab because she didn't want to see what her maternity leave replacement was doing to her babies, so she decided that with all the absences today she would sit in Tony's desk. She would have sat at Ziva's, but Penny had instantly scrambled into Ziva's chair and was now guarding the area like a small tiger cub. Any time they suggested going somewhere else, she shook her head firmly and decided to guard the spot as if someone had threatened to burn the desk to the ground. They were alone in the bullpen as McGee and Gibbs were out on a case. Caleb slept happily in his car seat which was snug securely in the chair from McGee's desk which she had bought over to Tony's so that he was beside her.

There was nothing to say.

Nothing to do.

Penny was standing her ground, folding her arms and glaring at anyone who she felt was close enough to come and take Ziva's desk from her. Abby watched her sadly, unsure what to do. She'd had an awful lot to cope with in the past eighteen months, and just when everything was settled and happy she'd had it all stolen away from her as if it had never belonged. Children shouldn't have that happen to them. Tony and Ziva didn't deserve it either. Lord knew that the three had been through enough to be together as a family and there was always one more speed bump, one more obstacle that ended up conquering them. What more would they have to go through before they were allowed to be a family, or was the universe completely against it?

Abby wanted to believe in true love. She'd sometimes had her doubts, but she firmly believed that if love was real it was capable of outlasting everything, sometimes even life itself. She'd seem so much evidence to the contrary but there were small moments in her life that overcame those. She wanted to believe that Tony and Ziva could have that love. She desperately wanted them to be happy together. They'd struggled so much, encountered situations that normal couples couldn't even dream of overcoming and they were still alive. They still had each other. They'd gone up against terrorists, been in hostage situations, even their own friends and family, people they had believed loved them unconditionally who had in turn hurt them. But they had survived. They had remained standing and only by doing so together.

This could not be the end of them. Whatever Tony was planning, she hoped that it worked.

But what was he planning to do? He couldn't prevent a plane from taking off any more than he was capable of flying. Was he planning on stopping her getting on the plane? Would she allow that? Abby knew that Ziva wanted to stay, but under what circumstances would she abandon Mossad?

Whatever you're doing, Tony, I hope it's enough.

"Abby?"

She looked up to see Jenny standing beside the desk, leaning over the wall partition as she usually did when she was attempting to keep out of Gibbs' eye line. "Director," she greeted without enthusiasm.

"Good morning, Penny," Jenny greeted as she went over to put her hand on the girls shoulder. Penny responded by looking up at Jenny and glaring at her. Abby shrugged apologetically as she made her way over to them.

Jenny indicated to Caleb. "May I?"

Abby nodded, and Jenny joined her behind Tony's desk. "Penny isn't taking this well, I see."

"She was never going to," Abby pointed out.

"The team has a case?" Jenny commented. "I would have thought that today..."

"Tim and Gibbs have a case," she said. "Tony went to the airport."

Jenny looked round quickly while she was settling Caleb into the crook of her elbow. "He did?"

She nodded. "He turned up first thing this morning, right after she left. He was insisting that he could stop her and left Penny with me."

"He's going up against a powerful man," she pointed out.

"He loves her," Abby shot back lightly.

"I hope it's enough," Jenny muttered.

It was another hour before Tony's name flashed up on the caller I.D. on Abby's phone. She was sitting in the break area of NCIS with Caleb. She'd finally managed to pry Penny away from Ziva's desk on the understanding that they check every twenty-three minutes to make sure that no one else had stolen it. When they checked back for the third time, Gibbs was back at his desk and Penny had decided to keep watch on Ziva's area by sitting on Gibbs lap and resuming her glaring at everyone except Gibbs. He understood her glaring, almost praising it when Abby commented that she must have learnt it from him because she'd never seen such a dangerous look on a child before.

She had retired to the break room with her now-fussy baby and fed and satisfied him until he was once again calm. He was happy enough to lay against her shoulder and play with the end of the nearest pigtail until she managed to formulate her thoughts. In the first calm moment of the day when there was no child that needed immediate intention, she started to realise that once again, her best friend was gone.

It was easy enough to assure Tony that she would be fine, that Ziva was tough and nothing could possibly happen to her, she found it much harder to believe when Tim told her the same thing. She wasn't happy without another girl around to conspire with, much like a ten year old. It had taken a while for her and Ziva to warm up to each other, but that had been because she was mourning Kate and Ziva was learning that it was ok to make human connections and not worry about them disappearing or disappointing. They had made it work though, much like the way her and Kate had done straight away – the fact that it had taken some time didn't make it any less of a friendship, it just showed that they had worked for it, and she liked to work on things. Like her relationship with Tim. They had worked on that for years and he was a wonderful friend and he had always been there for her, and now they had a beautiful baby boy together and even though he was trying to hide it he kept struggling with himself about how and when to propose, she just pretended not to notice but...

But Ziva was gone.

And there was no denying the fact that she was in terrible danger.

If something terrible was to happen to Ziva, she wasn't sure that they would survive. Losing Kate had almost broken them, even though she had only been with them for two years, but losing Ziva would destroy them all. Ziva had helped give Tim confidence, even if it was mostly just the confidence to stand up to Tony more. It was a good confidence though. She remembered when Tim first joined them and he was sweet and shy and stumbling over his words, and it had been adorable no doubt about that. It was nice to have watched him grow though, to have seen him transform into this confidence man who would stand up for himself and not just other (not to mention losing the slightly adorable puppy fat beneath his chin). She hadn't denied her surprise when she'd seen the additional sculpture his body had taken on when they had reunited.

And Gibbs. Gibbs had lost his wife and his daughter. The love of his life and his baby girl. It had destroyed him in ways that they could never understand, and ways that they never wanted to understand. No one wanted to have their two reasons for living taken away from them. And then he had taken Kate under his wing and Kate had been killed as well. Kate had been murdered. Shannon had been murdered. Kelly had been murdered. If something was to happen to Ziva in Israel, it would be murder. She didn't think Gibbs could lose another person. He'd retreated into a shell of himself and only let certain people see the real him, and Abby was one of the select few, and there were still things she wondered about, but what would losing another one do? She knew that there was something that had happened for Ziva to join NCIS that only her and Gibbs knew about, something that joined them close together, and to lose her?

Penny had already lost a mother. She was four years and four months old. She couldn't take another loss, especially a loss of another mother. She'd adopted Ziva instantly, basically taken to her as quickly, if not sooner, than she had to her own father. Ziva and Penny had a bond, something that losing a mother at a young age did to them. Penny had lost a mother. Penny could not lose Ziva. Losing Ziva would be the second biggest injustice of her life, and she was only four! People are not supposed to lose their mothers until they're grey and old themselves. Penny was four. She needed a mother, and after losing Alicia that mother was Ziva.

And Tony. Tony couldn't possibly lose Ziva. Tony had been through so many heartaches and near death experiences to lose the love of his life. It was different for them. She wasn't sure what it was that connected them so deeply, and she wasn't even sure that they knew, but whatever it was it was strong and durable and up until this moment she wasn't sure that anything could break it. She needed to believe in the fairytale that was Tony and Ziva. Ok, there was no castle, no princesses, no fire breathing dragons – not literally, anyway – but they had a fairytale even if it was never clear who the damsel was. They loved one another and love was always enough. Love was enough.

Love was enough.

It had to be.

She stared at the ringing phone for three seconds before answering it. She expected to hear the background blaring of an airport, she wanted to hear whispered mutterings between Tony and Ziva and she wanted to believe that everything was ok.

But she heard silence.

"Tony?" she questioned.

"Yeah, it's me," he mumbled back.

"Tony, what's going on? Where are you?"

"Cemetery," he told her. "Alicia's headstone."

And that's when she knew that Ziva had got on the plane, and that love had not been enough.

Abby arrived at the cemetery an hour later. She'd managed to get Tim to watch Penny and Caleb and by begging in front of Gibbs she'd managed to secure them all the afternoon off work after a fast open-shut case. She got to the cemetery a while later and found that it was surprisingly empty. The last time she had been here was Alicia's funeral, something that she felt she shared with Tony. He'd never mentioned coming here before, and she didn't think that he had spent the first anniversary of Alicia's death here. He would bring Penny as she got older, but he had just managed to get her to firmly believe in heaven and wouldn't ruin that by taking her to a cold gravestone with her mother's name and tell her that they were visiting her mother. When she found him by the headstone though there were flowers in front of it, yellow tulips and white roses – the same flowers that Alicia's stepmother had sent to the funeral.

"Tony," she mumbled, standing next to him and looking down at the grave. They looked like an old couple as she linked his arm, ignoring the fact that he had stuffed his hands in his pockets and only opened up his elbow enough for her to squeeze her arm inside. She rested her head on his shoulder and he sighed shakily.

"She's gone, Abs," he said quietly.

She knew he wasn't talking about Alicia.

"She'll come back," she tried to say strongly, but it sounded more like she was begging to believe it.

"I asked her to marry me," he said, so quietly it was lost on the wind.

Abby raised her head from his shoulder and stared at him. He just kept staring at the gravestone.

"I don't even know why. I mean, I want to. I've wanted to marry her for a long time, probably longer than I should have done. She's Ziva. Why wouldn't I want to marry her? I love her. My daughter loves her...our daughter," he corrected himself. "Our daughter loves her. We're a family. I guess that's kinda why I did it."

He seemed to be rambling so she put her head back on his shoulder. "You thought it'd get her to stay."

He nodded slowly. "I guess I thought it would be enough."

"I assume since you're here alone..."

"She said no," he told her, spitting the words out as if they were venom, before repeating them softly. "She said no. Said she couldn't. I think she thought I was just saying it because I didn't want her to go. That it was just a reason to get her to stay."

"Was it?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I love her so much, Abs."

"I know," she whispered.

"If anything happens to her-"

"Tony-"

"This is ten times scarier than waiting for her to wake up," he mumbled. "When she was in the hospital, and we thought she wasn't going to make it, it was so terrifying. It just...it gripped me. I'd never been that scared in my life. Every second her eyes were closed I thought I was going to lose her the next second. And now it's the same. Every second she's gone she could be hurt, she could be dying, she could already be..." he choked over the next word and he swallowed it down before it escaped. "...the only difference between then and now is that I was there before. I was right there holding her hand, even if that was all I could do. But now I can't do anything but wait and hear if she's still alive when she's allowed to make contact."

"She'll be ok," Abby told him. "She has to be. She promised she'd come home."

"She promised Penny."

"She'd never break a promise to Penny," Abby reminded him.

"How is she?" he whispered.

"She's not happy," she admitted. "Timmy took her home. She was guarding Gibbs' desk. She's learned how to glare just like him. It'd be sweet if it wasn't so heartbreaking."

Tony sighed. "It's been so long since Penny and I went home without her," he said. "She's our family, we need her."

"She'll come home."

"She should never have left," he argued. "Love should have been enough."

"Mossad doesn't understand the way you and Ziva love each other," Abby told him. "Ziva's father is many things, but he's not exactly a model parent or husband, is he? He doesn't understand what he's taking Ziva away from."

"She didn't want to go," he told her. "She's going because it's her duty, because she feels she owes something to the family of the man who died in that attack last week." Last week, is that all it had been? It felt like months ago. "She's walking into the most dangerous place in the planet, where anything could happen to her, and she's doing it because of some feeling of patriotic duty. What about us? When does duty come before family?"

"She was raised to be Mossad, Tony," Abby reminded him, standing a step back from him now that he was getting angrier at the situation. His voice was raised and he was trembling. "Her father trained her to be his personal assassin. Duty was the only sense of family she had as a child and you know that!"

"She's changed!" he argued. "She's not like that anymore!"

"She's still a citizen of Israel. She has to answer to her father's command."

"But she's mine!" he shouted.

Abby had no answer, and the echoed shout bounced off the far corners of the graveyard.

He made some kind of strangled noise in the back of his throat and hung his head. "She's mine," he mumbled, more upset than angry. "He took her away from me just like that."

"Oh, Tony," she sighed, embracing him. He reacted instantly, clinging to her tightly like a scared child would do to their mother.

"I would have married her," he insisted.

"I know you would have," she nodded. "You will. One day."

"Yeah," he agreed weakly.

"She's going to come back, and she's going to be perfectly fine. Then you can hold her as much as you want, and she'll stay and then you can marry her and the two of you can give Penny a thousand brothers and sisters." He made the strangled noise again. "She'll come home."

"I love her," he whispered.

"She knows. That's what will bring her home."

"I can't just wait..."

"You have to," she told him.

This time, neither of them said anything. For a long time they embraced one another in the graveyard, certainly not the circumstances that Alicia's grave should be visited under, and then somebody made the decision to go back to the cars. In the years to come when they looked back on that conversation, neither of them knew who had made the first movement or who had even made the decision to go back to the cars, but they only knew one thing.

They went home, and Ziva wasn't with them.


	73. Dear God, No

"Away in a manger, no crib for a bed, the little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head..."

It was beautiful. It was precious. It was everything that made his heart pound and his soul melt into a puddle that just proved he was either getting way too involved as a father or that he was beginning to lose his manliness at long last. As he watched his four year old daughter singing Away in a Manger with the rest of her kindergarten class, he decided that it was most likely a combination of the two.

Penny had started kindergarten in September, something that he'd been terrified about. Suddenly preschool had seemed like a tiny step and this was something that almost had him trapping her in the apartment, insisting that school was how everything started and that she needed to be kept home where she could be protected from anything and everything that could happen. Big school (as they were calling it) held worries that he never even considered with day care – bullies, for one. Big school was where differences began to be pointed out by the innocence of children who believed that the homes they came from were what every family should be, no matter what walk of life they came from. He worried that Penny would be picked on for having a mother who had gone to Heaven, that the other children might not understand what that meant, and that Penny would feel like an outcast because Ziva had also gone to Israel. He also worried about whether she would fit in, whether the other girls in her class would be insanely addicted to Disney movies like she was.

"The stars in the bright sky, looked down where He lay, the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay..."

In reality, he just didn't want to admit that his tiny little girl was growing up. Perhaps it was because he had missed the first three years of her life, and he wanted her to remain small enough so that he could catch up on those years, and perhaps it was because he was afraid of too much changing before Ziva came home. It had been five months since Ziva had gone to Israel, and there had been no word of her other than for her to inform them through email that she had arrived safely in Israel and was just about to leave to be briefed on her mission by her father. It was short, sweet, and essential. I'm safe. I'm leaving soon. I love you. The essentials. It had been hard to read that email knowing that it would be the only one until she was back, but it had been much harder in the months that followed to wake up every day, check his email, go to work, check his email, pop out for coffee, check his email, pick up Penny, check his email...and see nothing.

"The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes, but little Lord Jesus no crying he makes..."

He just wanted her home. They all did.

"I love thee, Lord Jesus, look down from the sky, and stay by my side until morning is nigh."

But it stopped them moving forwards as much as possible. Tony had such heart-wrenching reminders of that morning Penny started pre-school, when Ziva had spent so much time calming him down and assuring him that pre-school was a good thing, and that he needed to allow his daughter to grow and learn among other children, that he almost forgot the time and she was very nearly late for her first day. She attended a good school, Gibbs had seen to that. He might have acted like it was a fancy private school at first, and Penny wasn't thrilled at the idea of wearing a uniform the same as everybody else but as soon as she'd been presented with her own blue-chequered sundress and royal blue cardigan she had changed her mind. He wasn't comfortable with the idea of Gibbs paying for Penny's school fees at first, and on some level he still wasn't, but there was no denying that Gibbs loved Penny in his own special way, and when Tony had struggled to find a school that both himself and Penny liked and that was close to the Navy yard and his own home, he had approached Tony and suggested that he use the money he had once set aside for Kelly's college fund. It wasn't much, he told him, but it was enough to pay her school fees until she was done with primary school.

It wasn't much, he'd said. To Tony, it was not only an incredible amount, but an incredible gesture. At a loss of how he could ever repay Gibbs for the opportunity he was providing for Penny's education, he spent an entire Sunday afternoon shut away in the apartment with Penny, surrounded by glue sticks, glitter, crazy edge scissors and multicoloured paper until they had created the ultimate thank you card, and every day when Tony collected her from preschool she had to inform Gibbs of everything that happened at school that day. If he couldn't take her to the Navy yard to tell him in person she would demand Tony's cell phone so that she could call him immediately.

And she had almost survived her first term at big school. And Tony had almost survived her first term at big school. And now she was in the first row of her class as they stood on the auditorium stage at their Carol Concert.

"Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay, close by me forever and love me I pray..."

It was Christmas Eve, outside it was blisteringly cold, so much so that some of the parents were still wearing their coats and scarves even inside the heated auditorium. Tony had his coat opened, revealing the smart shirt he'd put on for his daughters performance. Two of the elder classes had already sung their songs and one of the girls had read out a Christmas themed poem that she had written and now, finally, it was his daughters turn. Penny had been practicing this song, sometimes with jumbled words, in her bedroom before she went to bed ever since she'd been told about the performance three weeks ago. She liked to believe that Tony couldn't hear her, but in reality he sat outside her bedroom and listened the entire time.

"Bless all the dear children in thy tender care, and take us to heaven to live with Thee there."

She looked so much smaller compared to her classmates. Her neat hair, starting to look less like the straggling curls he was used to and more like gently prepared ringlets, sat perfectly on her shoulders, contrasting beautifully against her royal blue cardigan. She sang the words perfectly, her eyes not focused on anything on particular, just staring around the room and the lights and all the parents, and you could tell just from watching her that she was trying her hardest to not only remember the words, but also remember that she had to stand perfectly still with her hands clasped in front of her. Tony smiled softly. She was doing brilliantly. He almost felt choked up as the class began singing their second song, one that he hadn't actually heard before but he knew that Penny adored it.

"It was on a starry night, when the hills were bright. Earth lay sleeping, sleeping calm and still..."

He looked around him at all the parents, all watching their children with the same adoration he assumed was written on his own face. He spotted a particular couple in the row across from him, noticing how they were leaning close together and nodding towards their child. He recognised them as the parents of one of the boys in Penny's class. He felt a saddened for a moment, wishing that he could be sharing this moment with Ziva, knowing that even though she would have hidden it, that her eyes would be shining with unshed tears as she listened to the girls singing. It would have meant a lot to her to have been there, because he remembered how she had said that her father had never watched her dance, and that it was important that he always watch Penny with whatever she did. He had promised both Ziva and Penny that he would be there, and today, despite the Christmas rush and knowing that he would be up until past midnight with wrapping presents and putting them under the tree, he was there in the seat he had booked beside his team mates as soon as Penny bought the letter home. He just wished that Ziva was there beside him.

"Then in a cattle shed, in a manger bed, a boy was born, king of all the world."

Too much had changed since Ziva had gone into a warzone, but all of it had been unavoidable. True, Penny had started school and Tony was allowing her to grow up, but there were also small changes, changes that Ziva would have been a part of if she hadn't gone. Penny had three different favourite Disney princesses in the time since she'd left. First Belle from Beauty and the Beast, then Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, and at the moment she was settled on the not-quite princess Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. He suspected it was because Lilo had the alien/dog following her around and she kept checking under Chase's legs to see if he was secretly hiding any more, or perhaps some antennae.

"And all the angels sang for him, the bells of heaven rang for him, for a boy was born, king of all the world..."

She also had more structural changes though, changes that the school seemed to keep him just as informed on as the day care had done. Penny's drawings of people had now developed past stick-men and stick-women, people she drew now had sausage outlines of bodies and slightly more controlled hair. She was able to write her own name and some other words. She could now completely dress herself without struggling, buttons and zippers and all. She hadn't quite mastered putting her hair up or braiding it but she was quite adequate at combing out all the knots, even though she still liked to sit between Tony's knees in front of the television after her bath to have it brushed. She often now just went off to the bathroom on her own, no longer announcing "daddy, I hafta go baffroom," whenever she went, waiting for that "ok, off you go" from the nearest adult. For safety reasons, she could now recite her full name, address and Tony's cell phone number on command, something that they'd made her practice over and over because they were terrified of her getting lost. She also had a better concept of telling the time, and while it wasn't spot on with ten-pasts and quarter-twos, it was always good with big hand on the five and small hand on the 6 means that Daddy gets to turn his computer off and go home.

"Soon the shepherds came that way, where the baby lay, and were kneeling, kneeling by his side."

And Caleb! God, Caleb was growing by the second. Every time Tony saw him he swore that he'd grown at least ten inches. He was clearly going to be tall like his father, there was no denying it. He crawled around at the speed of light, and he knew that Abby had compromised on some of her favourite Goth items because he had almost impaled himself on them or climbed on them. Abby's apartment was almost unrecognisable from before Caleb was born. He was getting chatty too, although none of it was understandable. Penny insisted that she could have full conversations with Caleb and that she understood it all, but none of that had been proven yet. And Abby had returned to her lab at long last, and it had welcomed her back with open arms. She'd been nervous about putting Caleb in a day care when she loved being at home with him, but she couldn't not work, she wasn't built that way, and she'd been able to find him a wonderful spot in Penny's old day care centre which she'd been comfortable to leave him in. There were no more overnight stays in the lab unless Tim or Tony was at home with Caleb, but that was part of the good side of having another child round already – someone always went home at a respectable hour, even in the middle of a case.

"And their hearts believed again, for the peace of men, for a boy was born, king of all the world."

The parents all applauded their children, and he watched Penny's eyes search the crowd for her family. She spotted Abby madly waving at her and followed along the line to see her father grinning at her. Yes, he would admit that there was a tear in his eye, but his daughter was singing and she was happy and she was beautiful and she was growing up, and this was his second Christmas with her, and despite their last five months of torture he was going to enjoy his Christmas with his daughter, and for all those reasons and a thousand more, he allowed the tear in his eye to stay, and he applauded louder than all the other parents.

Make sure you watch her, Ziva had had told him all those months ago when they'd watched Penny admiring her braid in the bathroom mirror, only a week after her mother had passed away. Make sure you watch her, because you are the only person she will search for in that audience, and it will break her heart if she cannot find you.

And the look on her face when she had found him was everything he wanted it to be and more.

\--

Ziva awoke, as always, to the sound of dripping. She still had not discovered where it was coming from, but the way that it pounded into her skull told her that the nausea had returned. When the nausea gripped her, it didn't make a different whether it was falling directly into her ear or on the other side of the small area that could barely be disguised as a room. Her head moved slightly as her conscious thought returned to her much slower than she would have liked it to. She was never surprised by what was around her anymore. When she had once been sure that they would not be in this underground encampment long, she now was starting to doubt that they would ever escape. She had found it easy to locate her old friends team, and though Amzi and Lior were as desperate to escape as she was becoming each day, they were trained well enough to know when the efforts were futile. It was already miraculous they had survived this long.

Their encampment was underground and due to a shell attack right after Ziva had joined them it had been narrowed down to a small passage and enough space for the three of them to stretch out to sleep. Three others had been crushed in the collapse of the tunnels and Ziva had almost been one of them had Amzi not pulled her out of the way when he did. They'd managed to dig through to one of the other tunnels but it had been too likely to collapse again and alert people above them to their presence. They knew that they were directly underneath their enemy, that if they alerted their presence they would immediately be killed after hours or days of painful torture. They knew this without discussing it, so they decided to wait.

Every day, it got worse. The nausea. It went away for a while but on days where water was limited through a tiny stream coming into a gap in the tunnels it came back with a fury. Her stomach was already getting used to not having food any more than a few days apart, but it was certainly complaining about it much more than it used to when she'd been in these situations. Amzi and Lior were not foolish, they ate enough of what appeared to them to keep themselves alive until their next meal and all other nourishment was passed to Ziva. She knew that she couldn't refuse the food and she accepted it without insisting otherwise. She knew why they did it, and it was the same reason she wouldn't argue it.

Luckily she had been able to keep track of time quite well and todays date fell over her with a saddening thought. It was Christmas eve. Back in DC, her friends, her family, would be celebrating with gifts. She had been here for five months, away from them, unable to contact them, and they had no idea where she was or how much danger she was in. She was horrified by the thought that something could happen to her and they may never find out, she would just be another missing in action soldier who's body was never found. Tony would never have that closure of her leaving, and she would have broken her promise to Penny, who would be losing another mother. Tony and Penny, they kept her alive every day, she remembered what it was like for Penny to come running into the bedroom and jump on the bed and it made it a little easier to begin the monotonous day. She would imagine she could hear Penny singing, with Tony joining in and changing the words to something he felt much more humourous as Penny laughed at him. She was only able to fall asleep if she remembered how it felt to have strong arms wrapped around her and breath on her neck.

It was Christmas eve, and they were oblivious.

They were gathering together, she knew they would, and they were enjoying the peace of Christmas, perhaps with a small moment of sobriety that would dawn on them when they realised they were missing somebody important. Yet two thousand miles away, the mood could not be more different. Something was about to happen. Something horrific was on the horizon, she could still sense that part of her Mossad training telling her that it was time to leave. It was time to make their attempt, no matter what.

"We must go," she announced softly.

Lior's expression did not change. "We have attempted-"

"and we have failed," she finished for him. "This time we must succeed."

"It has been five months, Ziva-"

"And I will not have it reach six," she told him. "Something is happening out there that we are not informed of. Can you not feel it?"

The men fell silent, unable to deny that she was speaking the truth. They'd received the same training and they could feel the stillness in the air, that unnerving silence. The calm before the storm.

"We need to leave. Nightfall," she told them. "It is too still here, too calm."

"Is it safe for you to travel?"

Amzi's words hung in the air no differently from the awful stillness. Ziva did not answer for a long time, but when she did, she wasn't able to answer confidently. "I do not know," she admitted, as she fought off more of the nausea that plagued her. "I just know it is more dangerous to stay."

"We should wait," Lior suggested. "After we next get a meal together so our strength is at its best-"

"We cannot afford to wait," Ziva insisted.

"We are too weak," Lior insisted. "You are-"

"I am fine." Ziva insisted.

"Ziva, it is too risky. We must get our strength up first. Think with your training, not with your heart. We all wish to go home."

\--

He'd heard that the Palestinians were calling it the Massacre of the Black Saturday.

Tony first heard about it on CBS when he was just about to turn off the flatscreen behind his desk after spending the twenty-seventh of December investigating the murder of a Petty Officer who'd gone missing on Christmas Day. He'd turned around, the first to leave the office and seen the images flashing across the screen, video footage of one of the worst shell attacks he'd ever seen. He froze. Gibbs froze. McGee froze. They stood side by side staring at the screen. McGee was the first to move, running his hands across his face and looking away from the screen, no longer able to take the images. Gibbs mumbled some expletive that he couldn't hear, but he just stared and stared and stared, his heart breaking into a thousand pieces every second that passed and then their worst fears were confirmed when the caption along the video footage showed them exactly what they didn't want to see.

Israel drops more than 100 bombs on Gaza strip. Death total unknown, expected high.

And all they could think about was the same thing.

If Ziva hadn't made contact to say otherwise, then she was still in Gaza.

"Oh, please, God, no..." Tony whispered as his throat started to choke up.


	74. Is Daddy Going To Heaven?

Dear Ziva,

I hope you're ok. Please be ok. There's been some really scary stuff on the news about Israel dropping over a hundred bombs on the Gaza strip? I hope you're not still there. We all do. Everyone's really worried because we haven't heard from you since you left, especially Tony and Penny. And me, of course. Please, please, please just tell us that you're safe and that you weren't hurt. We love you and we miss you and we need to know that you're ok, even if you can't come home yet.

Love, Abby.

p.s. Caleb's so close to talking now! Please come home soon, I can't have his godmother miss his first words.

\--

She wasn't there.

She couldn't have been there.

In the days and endless news reports that followed, Tony found the idea more and more absurd to comprehend. Ziva could not possibly have been in the area where Israel unleashed a strike. Of course she wouldn't have. Ziva was representing Mossad by aiding in the rescue of her colleagues. He knew that she was still alive because if she was not alive, Eli would know about it, and he had every reason to believe that Eli David would almost certainly inform the if he believed his daughter to be dead, particularly because she was only temporarily assigned to her old post in Mossad and that she was agreed to be passed back to NCIS after the rescue mission was over. Passed back. As if she were some kind of political possession.

Ziva could not have been hurt in those explosions. He knew that there were over 100 bombs that were dropped by Israel, but he got the feeling that Mossad would have had some kind of knowledge about it, it would seem silly for them not to, and Mossad must have contact with Ziva somehow, wherever she was, and she would have been informed if there was a decision to drop over 100 bombs on her location. Mossad would have told her. Her father would have told her. He wouldn't have let her be killed.

So why couldn't he sleep? Or eat? Or function rationally, for that matter.

Truth be told, he forced himself to believe it because he couldn't bare the alternative. He was waiting for that feeling in his gut, the Gibbs-like certainty that took over the voice in the back of his head to tell him repeatedly she was not there, she is safe but it never happened. Every time he watched the news he got a sinking feeling in his stomach, and it was everything he had to ignore that and force himself to think positively.

After a week, he started to seriously doubt it. If Ziva was aware of the strike, which by now she would have to be as it was splashed over the news in every language, she would have realised that they had found out about it. She would have realised that they had seen the news and would be fearing the worst. She would know that and she would have made some kind of contact – a phone call, and email, a text, hell, why not go out on a limb and make a personal appearance? But a week passed, and nothing happened.

Two weeks passed, and there were retaliation strikes, and more still. And no contact was made.

Tony began to pester Director Shepherd to contact Eli David for information. She claimed she had tried but he was ignoring all messages and no level of authority was permitting her access to speak to him in light of the national emergency they had procured themselves.

Three weeks passed, and Penny was starting to notice that something was wrong. She told him how Auntie Abby had started crying at the news and that Uncle Probie had turned it over very quickly because there was lots of smoke on the television. Uncle Probie had told her that Auntie Abby was having a bad day but Penny didn't believe them. She then told him that he had been very sad too and he had forced a smile and told her that everything was ok and that it was time to go to bed. Once he had tucked her in, she had asked, as she did have every night:

"Will my Ima be here in the morning?"

He just smiled sadly, kissed her forehead, and told her it was time to go to sleep.

Four week passed, and still there was no contact.

Something was very wrong.

And it wasn't just happened in the Middle East.

\--

Ziva,

Make contact soon. We're worried. Be safe.

Gibbs.

\--

"I'm worried," Abby said one morning, planting her hands on Gibbs desk with her usual determination of 'something is wrong and you must fix it'.

Gibbs looked up at her from her coffee. "I know," he nodded.

"Not about Ziva," she dismissed, but then realised her mistake and started wringing her hands. "I didn't mean that, I am worried about Ziva, I've been worried about Ziva for months, and especially now she's...well...missing...but today I'm more worried about someone else."

"Tony," he finished for her.

She looked at him for a moment. "Yeah," she mumbled. "You noticed too?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded, still not looking away from his computer.

"We need to do something," she insisted.

"I've tried," he told her. "Wouldn't listen."

"Make him listen," she said.

He sighed and looked at her. "Abby..."

"This is serious, Gibbs!"

"What do you want me to do, Abs? Put a gun to his head?" he asked her hypothetically.

"If it will make him listen, yes," she deadpanned.

"Do you think that's the best thing for him now?"

"I think that the best thing for him is to be healthy. I know that he's scared and he's hurting, and that even though we all are none of us can compare to what he's feeling about...everything...but he needs to be healthy, especially now. It's January. It's freezing outside. People are sick everywhere and he has to be so careful with getting sick. I know he knows that, but he's locking himself away, he's not eating, he's not sleeping...his immune system is in shreds as it is and he's not helping himself. If he gets sick-"

"He won't get sick," Gibbs told her.

"He was sneezing down in my lab yesterday."

"He won't get sick," Gibbs repeated, standing up with a file in his hands and starting to leave the bullpen. "I warned him about that last time."

\--

Hi Ima,

Uncle Probie is helping me write this on the computer because I'm too little to do all the letter myself and he said it would take ten hundred years to do it on my own. I think he's lying, but he says it's true. I miss you a billion times a day but not as much at night because I am asleep at night and I don't always remember my dreams but last night I had a dream about Chase eating Daddy's shoes. When I woke up, Chase had bought me some shoelaces so I think maybe perhaps he had eaten them, because Daddy was really sad too. I asked him if he was sad about his shoes but then Daddy saw all of the mess in the hall and he told Chase off. Please come home soon, I miss you lots. I hope you are getting all of the pictures that Daddy has helped me to send you on the computer. Its very clever. I think I can nearly do it by myself but Daddy says not yet because I am too little. I think I am too little for everything. I love you lots and lots forever and ever.

Penny

\--

By the time he started noticing it, he knew that it was already too late.

Influenza.

The joy of the post-holidays office, full of germs that were spread around after everyone had met up with their families over Christmas. Penny caught it first, the poor girl succumbing to the curse that was primary school – a germ infested play ground that made her snivel and splutter pathetically in bed all night. She kept him up all night as he debated between letting her sleep it off like she needed and bundling her up in his arms and rocking her like a baby like she wanted. In the end they settled for both, with her curled up in his bed, spluttering her germs over his old college shirt and she sneezed into his chest all night. He couldn't possibly have fallen asleep during that. One night he'd called Gibbs in a panic because she was wheezing in her sleep and he was convinced that she couldn't breathe properly. Hours later, Gibbs had left taking Penny to school so Tony could catch up on a few hours sleep.

When he woke up, he felt instantly worse. He was expecting a few hours sleep to refresh him enough to get through the day, but when he opened his eyes again he felt like a dead weight. It took all he had just to pry himself from the pillow. There was a special ache that came through with the flu, and it was one that he remembered well, and it was one that he knew a few cold and flu meds wouldn't be shifting. As he stared off the side of the bed, looking at nothing but the wardrobe door, he felt a shifting in his stomach that he knew wasn't anything to do with the onset of flu. It was one that had been festering for a while and he knew exactly what it was.

Dread.

\--

Ziva,

We're getting worried with no contact, I'll be honest. I've spoken with your father but he's unable to tell me anything and since the air strike...well, he's not the easiest person to get information from at a calm time, let alone now. I hope you're safe. I hope you're somewhere safe.

Jenny.

\--

"Tony, are you sure you're feeling ok?"

He looked up at Abby's question. His throat burned, his chest pounded even though he'd come downstairs via the elevator. His skin felt a thousand degrees and he felt damp all over, probably due to the amount he was sweating. He felt like the immediate aftermath of a severe migraine, the kind of hung-over that makes you never want to even look at alcohol again.

"Yeah, Abs. I'm fine."

She didn't believe him. That much was obvious.

"Ok."

Ok?

"Ok?" he repeated.

"Yeah," she nodded, sounding a little subdued. "If you say you're ok, then you're ok. Unless you want to change your mind about that?"

"Why would I?" he asked innocently, taking an interest in what was on the screen. "Gaza," he mumbled, even though looking at the screen was burning his eyes and causing black spots to swim. "You're looking for Ziva."

"I wasn't going to tell you unless I found something," she mumbled, switching the screens.

"No," he protested. "I want to see."

"I just told you there wasn't anything," she said.

"No, you said that you weren't going to tell me anything."

"Unless I found something," she finished. "But I haven't. I haven't found anything."

"Abby, you can do anything, you can find anything."

"Tony, I can't find her," she whispered.

"Yes, you can."

"Tony-"

"You can!" he snapped, cutting himself off with a cough.

Her tone softened even more. "Tony-"

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"No, you're not. You're sick."

"It doesn't matter. I'm ok. I want to help you find Ziva."

Abby sighed, he was incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be – which was all the time. "It isn't that simple," she stepped around the issue.

"It has to be," he insisted, his face paling by the minute. "It has to be, for Penny..."

And then it started.

His chest felt like it was made from lead, unable to expand enough to get the oxygen he needed. He'd felt like this before. He remembered it well, even though it was years ago.

Oh, God.

"Tony?" Abby was asking, her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm ok," he mumbled.

"You're not ok," she decided, her own voice shaking.

"I am not the issue here," he said, even though he was aware he was starting to lean on the table behind him more and more...

"Tony, you're really pale, I'm going to call Ducky-"

"Abby, show me what you've found..." he said, indicating to the screens she still hadn't changed.

"No, you need to sit down for a second," she insisted, guiding him towards one of the stools.

"I can't sit down," he protested weakly. "I need to-"

"Daddy?"

The word struck her with fear. Looking at the doorway as she forced Tony to sit on the stool, she remembered that McGee had left an hour ago to pick Penny up from school because Tony wasn't looking too good, Gibbs had told her that. And now they were back, and they were here, and Penny was watching Tony slump in his stool with his head so foggy that he hadn't even heard her tiny worried tone.

"Daddy, are you poorly?" she asked him.

"Abby?" McGee questioned quietly, looking between her worried and panicked face and Tony's.

"Get Penny out of here," she mumbled, holding Penny back as she left McGee's side and went to see her father.

"What's going-?"

"He's sick," she whispered, trying to avoid scaring Penny. "Take her, go find Ducky and get him here fast-"

"Daddy?" Penny questioned again.

"Penny," he mumbled.

"Penny," Abby told her, crouching down to be at her level. "Penny, it's very important that you take Timmy and go and find Ducky now, ok?"

She frowned. "But I want to see my Daddy now."

"Daddy isn't feeling very well today," she told her.

"Daddy's sick," she whispered.

"Yes, baby girl. But you don't need to worry because Auntie Abby is going to take him to see the doctors and he's going to get all better when they give him some medicine."

But it was too late, Abby realised, as she stroked Penny's hair to reassure her, she'd already said those words. Daddy's sick. You could see the words going around and round in her head behind her tiny, worried eyes which were suddenly wide.

"Penny-"

"Is my daddy going to heaven?"

Tony heard the words spoken from his daughters lips, and he heard Abby's rushed reassurances that no, he was not going to heaven, but he couldn't move. He wanted to go to her, hold her and tell her that he was ok, that he just felt a little bit sick and that he'd be better really soon, but he couldn't even tell himself that. He'd move heaven and earth for his daughter, and now she thought he was going away from one and towards the other, just like her mother had done.

Then the panic set in, and he remembered things getting rather bad last time once he had accepted that something bad was happening. It didn't take a doctor to know that he was seriously ill, and that he should have seen a doctor a long time ago. He didn't have the immune system to bundle up all night for a week with a sick child and expect not to catch anything himself. He should have known better. He should have taken preventative measures like he usually did. He should have taken care of himself as well as his daughter. But he hadn't. And now he was sick. And shaking. And hot. Really, really, hot. And his eyes were...darkening? Oh, god. He was going to pass out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"I want my Daddy."

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Timmy, get her out of here now."

Breathe in. Breathe out.

He needed to stop Penny seeing this.

"I need to-"

And then it all stopped.

\--

FAO: Director Eli David, Mossad.

Status: URGENT.

Dear Eli,

I understand that there are pronounced difficulties in your country at present and that you recalled Officer David to her post in Mossad for a mission in the Gaza area, however I am writing today to request that she return immediately to Washington. I understand that she is invaluable to your force yet she is also invaluable to us personally, and it is due to a matter of deep personal request that we ask this. Her partner, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo is currently in Bethesda Naval Hospital with severe pneumonia following a diagnosis of pneumonic plague several years previously. His condition is deteriorating with every hour, and he was very close with your daughter. Their partnership is a complex one yet it very special to them both, and we believe that her presence might give him the strength to begin his recovery. The lack of contact with her in the present months has contributed to his vulnerability to illness.

I am in no place to demand her return yet ask that you treat this request as such. Special Agent DiNozzo is very sick, and he has a confused young daughter who idolises Officer David and may bring some peace to her also. Please contact me urgently to discuss this, as I do not wish to lose a member of my team, and we are not certain how much time we have left for discussions and maybes before it is too late.

Dir. Jenny Shepherd.


	75. I Won't Have Any More Places To Live

If there was ever a more heartbreaking moment, it was watching Penny revisit the moments after her mothers death. She sat in the hospital corridor, curled in a ball between McGee's legs. He was sat on a chair, to agitated to read any of the magazines piled up on the table beside him, stroking Penny's hair absent mindedly, all the time staring blankly at the floor. He'd tried several times to lift Penny from the ground, to sit her either in his lap or on her own chair, but every time she had tensed and thrown her whole weight to the ground to prevent this, squealing as if she thought he was trying to move her out of the hospital altogether. In the end they settled in the position they were now, him seated in a chair, and her on the floor leaning against his leg, sniffling every thirty seconds yet with no tears on her face.

Gibbs watched them from the door of the family room. Due to Tony's condition, Penny wasn't allowed to see him in the room he'd been allocated, which was for the best. If he were conscious enough to make the decision himself, he wouldn't want his daughter to see him that way. Since his collapse in the lab three days ago he'd been floating in and out of consciousness, his health deteriorating with the hour. Even with the assistance, breathing was difficult and painful for him, Gibbs could tell in the hour a day they were allowed to stay with him that it was taking everything he had not to stop altogether. This shouldn't be happening again, he would think to himself amid verbal warnings that he needed to hold it together and keep breathing for his daughter. Last time, Tony had barely made it through his pneumonic plague, but that had been plague. That was a once-in-a-lifetime bad illness. But Tony's immune system had never recovered from that sickness and had remained at a constant low. He took precautions every time there was a sickness bug in the office and was always the first to stay away from a body that could have some kind of infection. Nobody made a fuss about it particularly because they all knew why he did it. Ziva wasn't fully aware at first but she had learned quickly, as always. When it came to sickness, he had to be careful.

Pneumonia on its own was killing him only slightly slower than the plague had tried to. It was lingering, deteriorating with signs of brief improvement only to plummet further. For the past three days, he'd been only slightly aware of where he was, and he was informed every day where Penny was going to be staying until eventually his replies were limited to mumbles of acknowledge moment, not wanting to strain himself with speaking. Tonight, Penny was going to be sleeping in her own bed. For the past few days she had been staying with Abby and McGee for two nights, and also spent a night with Jenny, but there was something about juggling her around that was unsettling her even more. She needed to spend the night in her own bed, in her own room. She needed familiar.

Gibbs approached the pair, McGee looked up hopefully but Gibbs shook his head. He crouched down before them and directed his attention to Penny once more.

"Penny, it's time to go home now," he told her softly.

She shook her head.

He held out his hand to her. "Come on, time to go home."

"Is Daddy coming home yet?" she asked him.

"Not yet, kiddo."

She seemed to physically plant herself on the ground even more. "I'm not going home if Daddy's not going home."

Gibbs shifted onto one knee. "Penny, Daddy has to stay here so he can get better, do you understand that?"

"That's what Mommy said too!" she argued. "And I went with Grandpa so Mommy could get better but Mommy didn't get better and she had to go away and then my Ima went away too and if Daddy goes away too I won't have any more places to live!"

By the time she had finished arguing her case to Gibbs, who remained stationary throughout, she had thick tears rolling down her cheeks. Her mother had gotten sick and died. Ziva had been hurt and then gone away to Israel. Her father was now sick and not allowed home. He could understand how that worked in her head. She was still too small to have had so many people leave her under circumstances that were out of their control. He waited for her to finish her heaving breaths until she was just staring at him with utter despair, then, once again he held out his hand.

"Come on," he whispered. "It's time to go home."

Throwing the used dishcloth back onto the rail, Abby left the kitchen tidied and sparkling behind her. At work, she was meticulous about being clean, but it was only since Caleb had become a permanent resident in the apartment that she had extended the same cleanliness at home. When she focused on the area of her living room where she'd last seen her son, strapped into his high-chair being fed by his father, she found that he was no longer there, neither was Tim. She frowned a little at first, wondering what the two of them were getting up to, but then recognised that this could be her opportunity to relax for five minutes and made her way to the couch.

"Amamadadamam-"

The merged gurgle of baby language caught her attention and she cast her eyes past the couch to see that Caleb was lying down on his front on top of Jethro's back, who was curled up in his basket. Abby went over to them, smiling despite the situation happening elsewhere, and knelt down in front of the basket. She put a steadying hand on her sons back and then stroked the dogs head, who just stared back at her.

"Looking after my baby, Jethro?" she asked him sweetly.

Jethro made a strange whine back at her.

"Don't worry," she assured him, scratching behind his ear softly so that he titled his head. "You're still my baby too."

"If that's so," Tim added from somewhere behind her, "I am not claiming to be Jethro's father."

She turned around, lifting Caleb up with her and saw that he was just coming back in from the bathroom. "Any idea how our son got on the dogs back?" she asked him.

Tim frowned. "He did it again?"

"He's done it before?"

He shrugged. "Abby, I love him, but I think he's keeping secrets from us about his motor skills and how much he's actually capable of doing."

She smirked at him. "You're exaggerating slightly."

Caleb gurgled again, leaning his head on Abby's shoulder as if to say yes, mommy, you are completely right.

"I am not," he insisted. "I have no doubt that if we left him beside a baby tuxedo and left the room, we could come back ten minutes later and he'd be suited up and ready to go."

"Bah!" Caleb exclaimed forcefully.

The two parents looked at him for a moment, before looking back to each other. "See," Abby said pointedly. "He disagrees."

"I think it's wrong that you take his word on everything when he doesn't actually have words yet," Tim mumbled.

The two of them went towards Caleb's bedroom ready to put him down for the night. He was very good at sleeping, though not very good at staying asleep for very long, but Abby had heard about other mothers screaming themselves raw about the fact that they didn't get any time to themselves in the evening because their babies simply didn't like going down in the crib. Caleb, however, was better at going down for the night in his crib then he had been in the bassinet beside the bed when they first bought him home. It meant that less than five minutes later, he had been changed, rocked, and the two of them were standing in the doorway to his bedroom listening to his musical mobile lull him to sleep while he gurgled at it.

Tim's hand appeared on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. "You ok?" he asked her.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"The past few days have-"

But she started to walk away from the bedroom and back towards the kitchen. "I need to get that laundry sorted. I've been a bit behind on it."

"I can help," he told her.

"No, it's ok, I've got it," she said. "Weren't you meant to call your publisher? She's called three times this evening and you've blown her off because of Caleb."

"She can wait," he insisted.

"She's just going to keep calling-"

"Abby, will you stop making excuses and just talk to me!"

His outburst stopped her instantly, pausing with her back to him in the middle of the living room. She said nothing, but heard him approaching behind her. When his arms wrapped around her waist and his chin took up rest on her shoulder, she almost fell apart. Almost. He always had been incredibly sweet when it came to her, but also incredibly stubborn, yet rarely at the same time as he was exhibiting now.

"Abby, you are exhausted. You're trying to work, you've been looking after Caleb and Penny in the evenings, and keeping up with the house...and Tony-"

"Tony's going to be ok," she sniffed.

He sighed. "Abby-"

"No, he will!" she insisted. "He wouldn't leave Penny and Ziva like that, and you know it. He wouldn't do that to them, to all of us."

"This is out of his control now," he reminded her. "Tony has no control over his body or the sickness any more."

"He loves them too much to leave them," she said firmly. "He will be fine as soon as Ziva gets here."

"And if she doesn't?" he questioned, even though he wanted her to be there as much as anyone else.

Abby turned in his arms, retreating just a little so that she could see his face. She looked up at him curiously with a hint of scepticism. "Why wouldn't she?"

"We've been writing to her for months and with no reply..."

"She's been on a mission," Abby defended. "She wouldn't not reply for no good reason."

"But with the airstrike in Gaza-"

"She wasn't there."

"You don't know that."

"But I have to believe that!" she cried, her eyes watering dangerously.

"Abby," he murmured softly.

"I have to believe it," she repeated. "I have to, because if she was there, it can only mean that she's...and Tony's sick, and the doctors are saying that he might not make it...and we've lost Kate already, and we can't lose Tony and Ziva as well. They're our friends, Tim, our family, and we have already lost enough family for them to leave us. And what about Penny? She's already lost her mother, and she adopted Ziva for her new mom and she can't lose them both. I'm surprised she's as well adjusted as she is but this will break her. If they die, she will never come back from this."

"None of us will," Tim whispered.

Abby inhaled and exhaled deeply for a few moments, bringing her face to rest against his shoulder. He held her tightly, the two of them holding fast as much as they could with their exhausted bodies, but in the end there was only thing left to say.

"What if she doesn't come?" Abby asked softly.

To that, Tim had no answer.

The photograph in her hand was crumbled and damaged, burnt at one corner from something she could not recall. Many things had happened since the last time she had looked at it. It usually hid in the bottom of her boot, somewhere that she would not be searched if they were ever stopped. She couldn't have been found to be carrying a photo of Americans on her person for her cover. She shouldn't have taken it with her in the first place, but she could not bring herself to leave it behind. It was taken at Christmas, the only person missing from the photograph being Caleb, who in the photo was still settled comfortably and growing inside Abby's stomach. Everyone was smiling, and her, Tony and Penny were at the centre of the photo, Penny grinning as she squeezed the two of them together. Over a year ago, her mind told her. This was last Christmas. They were well into the following new year now and she'd barely been able to accept that so much time had passed until it had been set in stone for her.

"Your team mates, yes?"

She looked up at the voice and was almost startled enough to drop the photograph. Her father was stood inside her room. Her bag was still unpacked from when she had arrived and been immediately briefed on her mission despite the jet lag, so she was simply reorganising it so she could be prepared to leave once again. The photo left her hand and settled on the small table beside her bag. Her father stood beside her and looked down at it.

"Or perhaps, a new family?" he suggested.

"Is there something you need, Aba?" she asked him calmly.

"You are packing," he noted.

"I did not unpack."

"You are wishing to return to America," he understood.

Ziva looked around at herself. "I would have thought that given the situation, that were obvious."

"The girl," he changed the subject, noting to Penny's tiny form in the photograph. "Agent DiNozzo's daughter, yes?"

"So, you were having me followed," she realised.

"With your best interests, as always."

She knew enough to know that he did not mean that. But she didn't raise that point. "I understand that I was sent here for work purposes, Aba, but now my mission is complete. I have returned your surviving men to you and no vital information was lost. I should like to return home now."

"Home."

"Yes."

"Ziva, this is your home."

She looked around her. Yes, this had been her home. She had grown up in this room, completed her studies, spoken with her mother and sister, played games she could barely remember, sang songs of innocence and happiness. But she did not want to call this room home. She wanted to go home to the room where she curled up at night beside a warm body who loved her. She wanted to go to the room where a tiny girl crept in during the night to cement herself between them. She wanted to go to the room where in an oddly domestic moment she would find herself yelling about clean laundry being thrown on the floor with dirty laundry.

With her voice shaking, she turned her voice back to her father. "Home is not where we have lived," she recited to him. "Home is where we can always return to."

Her father looked at her with an unreadable expression. With all these years between them, she still could not read him as effectively as she could anyone else, hardly so in fact. He was a master at keeping things from her.

"Agent DiNozzo is sick," he said calmly. "Pnuemonia."

She said nothing, but her heart plummeted quickly and she felt a dread wash over her body as she watched him. She wondered if it was noticeable on her face.

"I have received a request from Director Shepherd that you return to Washington at once, as they are no longer certain how long his condition will hold."

No. No. No. No. No.

The words echoed in her head and she was almost biting down on her lip to prevent them from leaving as audible words. Her father would delight in that particular form of misery too much. He was making it sound like Tony was beyond the point of no return. How did he get pneumonia anyway? He had precautions to take. He always took precautions. Had no one noticed him getting sick? Her stomach flopped and despite herself, she pressed a hand to it to calm it down.

"Then I must go," she stood, taking her back and placing it up onto her shoulder, cramming the photograph with little grace into her pocket.

"Ziva," he said, stopping her at the door. "I received that request three days ago."

She stared at him. "I have been back for four days," she told him. "Why did you not tell me this?"

He had no answer to that.

"Aba, why would you keep this from me?"

"It was not essential at the time-"

"Not essential?" she shot back at him. "Aba, if he has a daughter, a small daughter who has already lost her mother. She has no one else. If he dies-"

The words died on her tongue and she refused to speak them. She dreaded the thought of how much could have happened in the four days she had already been unable to be there. Had he told her immediately, she could have been there within hours of the email arriving. She could have been there. With over a week of him now being sick, she knew logically that he could have succumbed to the illness by now. She knew that it could all be over, that he could be-

"No," she insisted firmly. "I shall not let him die."

"That decision is not up to you," her father told her. "You are not God."

"I will not let him die without first seeing his son."

And with that, Ziva walked out of her father's life for the last time.


	76. I Told Them It Was You

"Mr. Gellar."

"How did you get this number?"

"That does not matter. I believe I have some information for you."

"Who is this?"

"My identity is not important. I believe we are both looking for the same person. Ziva David."

"I need to know who this is before this call continues."

"I cannot tell you that. But I can meet you in two days. Ziva David is coming back to America and I know exactly where she will be."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want her to squirm until she is dead on the ground also. I want her to beg for her life until the moment it is taken from her. And I know the best way to make that happen."

The hospital corridor was a scene they were starting to despise. Even when they were waiting for Caleb's birth, it wasn't a joyous occasion because of the risks to Abby and the knowledge that Ziva was fighting for her life on the other side of the hospital. Too many of them had hospital stays that were holding a dangerous fight for life. It was the impatience that was starting to get to them today. Everyone was hanging on Tony's improvement, waiting for the tiny spike in his condition, but nothing seemed to be happening. For the past two days he hadn't even gotten any worse, something that had given them all some hope, but the doctors told them that he could just as easily deteriorate past the point of no return. Basically, at this moment, he could equally live as he could die. It was crunch time. Which meant that it was time for Penny to see her father.

She'd been sent to school that morning with the promise that if things were ok and if she ate all her dinner and she behaved very well, she would be able to see her father tonight. Of course, this made her very happy and she immediately beamed and starting skipping around. Even though they attempted to explain to her about the wires and the tubes and the fact that he was still sleeping and might not wake up to speak to her, it didn't diminish her mood. She'd seen the wires on her mother and on Ziva, she'd sat by Ziva's side with Tony while she 'slept' and she understood, even now, that it was possible for people to fall asleep in hospitals and still wake up.

After all the bad cards that her short life had dealt her, Penny still had hope.

Gibbs was sat impatiently with his coffee, as was McGee, though he wasn't gulping it down as quickly as his boss was. He was just holding it between his hands to warm them up from the ridiculously air-conditioned hall while Abby paced up and down. Having dropped Caleb off at day care, she'd decided to stop by the hospital for an hour before heading to work. They'd both to get her to sit down and join them on the chairs, something they had resigned themselves to days ago, but she refused every time.

"I've got a feeling," she would tell them every time. No elaboration, no indication of what this feeling was. She just had a feeling. A gut feeling. They would never question Gibbs' gut, and just the same they would never question Abby's.

She wondered if this was how Tony had felt when he had watched Adam shoot her.

Did he have this same heavy feeling low down in his stomach? The same pounding in his heart? That voice in the back of his head that shattered all hope the second it arose? Yet a small hope all the same?

She'd managed to get on a plane in Tel Aviv, the first commercial flight that would get her into Washington. She'd planned to use military transport so she wouldn't have to deal with the changeovers and departure lounges and screaming children. The only child she wanted to see right now was Penny. That was the smiling face that she missed, the smiling face that erupted at a moments notice. Penny. Her Penny. She couldn't possibly be sat in among those screaming children who just wanted something to occupy them, something to do, to hear a story, to interact with parents on a long haul flight, when there was an inevitably scared little girl who was hers on the other side of the world.

She wanted to see her daughter.

But her father was standing in the way of that. He'd put a lockdown on all freight flights out of Israel. The airfield had told her that this was because of suspicion on retaliation strikes on Israeli aircraft but she knew they were lying to her. She knew that they had been told she was planning to leave the country and they were not allowed to give her passage to do so. He wouldn't physically restrain her, not when he knew he had invoked her anger. He would not make it easy for her to return to the life she had chosen over Mossad though. Luckily she had only been made to wait for an hour before she could board her flight. The entire trip from there on out just made her grow in anticipation. She'd sprung for a first class upgrade and was satisfied to see that there had been no whining children around her.

She didn't want to be around any children except her own.

That was where the anticipation started. She needed Tony to be alive when she got home. She needed him to be there with a beating heart when she was close enough to hold his hand. Because that's what they did when things got hard. They held each others hand. They did it through all the hard parts. That touch of the hand, it was a simple gesture, but at the end of the day it was who they are. They didn't need grand gestures. She didn't need roses and flowers and him to get down on one knee. He didn't need her to have dinner on the table, to give him back rubs and call him 'baby'. It was them. But they loved the contact. They could feel each other in a room whether by touch or by sense. They were so deeply connected that they didn't always need the romantic 'crap' as he sometimes called it. They had their own version of love and intimacy that worked for them. And she missed it. But she needed him to be alive for a more important reason than that.

She was six months pregnant with his son.

She hadn't known about her pregnancy when she boarded the flight to Israel. If she had known, or even suspected, she would never have gone. She would never have put a child of hers and Tony's in that danger. She would not have gone. She hadn't been aware when they sent her down to Gaza. Her father certainly hadn't been wasting time with submitting her for a physical exam before sending into her the field, even though he was aware of her previous injury and she had no suspicions of her own. She had told Tony countless times that she couldn't carry children because of her attack when she was a teenager, but he'd always been first to jump in and say that it was improbably, not impossible. She'd never fully believed him though.

She'd always had a feeling her in her heart that it wasn't just the physical scarring that had prevented her from having a child, but also a considerable amount of fate. She had spent years for Mossad as an assassin, taking lives for what she knew at the time to be a greater good. She knew that each of those had reasons for the way their lives ended, they were all deserving, but at the same time they were each somebody's son, somebody's father, somebody's brother, nephew, grandchild or friend. They had families who would miss them, grieve them, and remember them for moments in their lives that their killer would never contemplate. She'd always thought that not being able to create a life of her own was their punishment for ending those lives.

It was rare, she knew that. Considering the circumstances she had survived in for the past six months, it was a rare and incredible miracle that the child had survived inside of her broken body. What was rarer was for Tony to be right about something she was wrong about. She could only image how he would react to that idea.

But how would he react to being a father? Again? He'd said before that he would have loved to have been there for the beginnings of his child's life, the things he had missed with Penny, but would the reality of it be different? What would he think about parenting when he was experiencing the sleepless nights and endless diapers and baby spit on clothing that he was watching Abby and Tim struggle through? She'd had a health check in the infirmary when she returned from the mission, and they'd informed her that their baby was healthy and a quick ultrasound had confirmed that she was carrying a baby boy, and that there didn't seem to be any obvious impairments to her child due to her survival struggle. She hadn't asked to be told, they had just announced that her son was healthy and that was enough. They then announced that at the beginning of April, she would have him in her arms and they had then asked if she was married.

Not yet, she had told them.

But she was getting ahead of herself. First, she had to find out if he was alive.

Gibbs went in to Tony's room that afternoon, attempting to judge whether it would be possible for Penny to go in after school. He was mildly conscious, which wasn't good for Penny's chances of seeing him. When he was conscious, he was aware of his surroundings somewhat and he was almost always in agony. Today in particular his eyes were parted softly and he was shaking, the fever chilling him even though sweat was pouring off of him and soaking the pillow beneath his head. The nurse would change it on her next check in thirty minutes. He remembered this from the last time when he fever had started to break. This could be a good sign, he realised, and made a mental note to follow up on that. If his fever was breaking, it meant that he could beat this.

He put his hand on Tony's shoulder, attempting to overlook the tremors while he began his daily routine of telling him what he had missed. Usually, Tony listened silently and rarely made any indication to prove that he had heard the words, but after ten minutes of listening he had a single word on his lips.

"Ziva..." he murmered feverishly.

"She isn't here, Tony," Gibbs told him softly.

"Ziva..." he repeated.

All he could do was repeat Ziva's name. He asked for her over and over, so much that Gibbs wasn't sure Tony was aware of him telling him that she wasn't there. Perhaps the fever was making him delirious, perhaps forgetting that Ziva had gone. But perhaps it was something more than that. At one point, he just started telling her that she was on her way, that she was coming, that she'd be here soon, telling him whatever he needed to keep calm. After a few minutes the way he said her name started to change. First he was requesting her, but after a while Gibbs realised that the sick man was trying to tell him something.

He was trying to tell him that he needed Ziva. Ziva was what he needed.

Penny arrived with Jenny that afternoon, after she had collected her from school. She was bouncing excitedly, skipping down the hall holding her hand because she was going to see her Daddy today. She'd told Auntie Jenny about how she had told all her friends that she was going to see her Daddy today, and she had shown her the picture that she had drawn for him after lunch today and she had told her all about her day. The only thing that was on Jenny's mind, however, was whether or not Eli David was ever going to reply to her emails or calls. Ziva being with them would make a huge difference, and it was nothing but selfish for him to keep her in Israel if she was able to come home.

But then Penny didn't get what she wanted again today.

Because all she wanted to do was see her Daddy.

And when she went into the family room, Gibbs was sitting down with her telling that she wasn't allowed to go in. But she wasn't looking at him. She had seen something very peculiar over his shoulder, going into her father's room, the room that she had never been allowed to go in and she was frowning hard.

"Penny," Gibbs told her carefully. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Daddy's still sick," she said.

"Yes, that's right. And I'm really sorry but that's why you can't go in to see him today."

She turned away from looking over his shoulder and frowned right at him unfairly. "Why can Ima go in but I can't?" she asked.

Gibbs frowned. "Penny, your Ima isn't here."

"Yes, she is," she said. "She just went in Daddy's room."

Gibbs turned to the door and saw nothing. "No, Penny, she's in Israel with her Dad, remember?"

But Penny would not be swayed. She knew what she had seen, but she knew that people didn't believe her a lot of the time because she was tiny. She knew that she had seen her Ima going into her Daddy's room even though she looked a bit different. No one else in the world could look that much like Ima without being her. And she didn't lie. She told the truth all the time because telling the truth was the right thing to do even if sometimes made people sad, and she had definitely completely forever and ever seen her Ima.

"She's in Daddy's room. Look, I show you."

After she found out what room Tony was in, she didn't waste any time in heading straight there. She expected to see some of the team to be seated outside the room, but she hadn't. (Of course she would have, if she had looked into the family room opposite). She had gone straight into his room and no sooner had the door closed behind her did she finally, after twenty four hours of travelling, waiting and worrying, did she stop. She stopped, and she stared. After six months of being apart, all she could do was to look at him. She could understand now why he had looked so drained when she had been in the hospital, because the way he looked so fragile removed every fighting feeling from her body and replaced it with a hopelessness.

The room was large but a lot of space was taken up by the machines that were attached to his body – IV drops into his arms, a tube supply oxygen to through his nose and a standby mask hanging within reach, a few monitors attached to his chest. She was glad that it was only that, as she'd been afraid that there was going to be a tube down his throat. But his head was thrashing around on the pillow every few seconds, lighting murmuring a single word over and over again.

"Ziva..."

She looked away, a burning sensation behind her eyes causing her blink rapidly followed by a thick lump choking up her throat. He was in this condition because of her. He'd allowed his health to deteriorate because she wasn't there. Because she had left. Because she had said no to his proposal. If she hadn't left, he would have been fine. She'd never felt so helpless, yet so to blame.

"Oh, Tony," she breathed softly.

She looked at the chair next to his bed, still pulled up to the side as if someone had been there recently with him. Her feet and back ached, though she didn't go to the chair as she knew she should have, opting to go to the far side of the bed, hovering over him and watching for the longest moment. He looked older, more pained, more broken. In a child-like way, she expected him to open his eyes and make some stupid reference to a movie, but he didn't.

"Ziva..." he mumbled again, the sound of her name coming from a loved one after so long bringing tears to her eyes.

"Oh, Tony," she whispered back.

A small twitch of his eyebrow, and he repeated her name again.

"Shh," she soothed, placing her hand on his cheek and another on his arm.

He turned his head towards the touch. "Zi?" he whispered, more of a question this time as he lifted a hand to rest on her arm. She could see the effort it took for him to make this movement and kissed his hand before returning it to the bed.

She nodded, even though his eyes were closed. "Yes, Tony, I am here."

"Home," he whispered breathlessly, a sign settling on his lips. "Home."

Home. He was right. She was right where she needed to be and more importantly, Tony was alive. He was alive and he would continue to be so, she knew it. She knew he would fight this and she would fight alongside him. She leaned down, placing her lips against his forehead. His feverish skin concerned her but she was more at ease when she felt him relax under her touch. She let her lips linger for a long time, allowing his scent to erase that of the tunnel she'd been trapped in for five months. "Yes, Tony," she smiled as his eyes stopped jerking around under their lids and he appeared more peaceful. "We are home."

And then the door opened.

And a small, pigtailed cannon ball flew into the room and hurtled at her side.

"Penny!" she gasped. "Oh, Penny!"

"I told them!" Penny insisted over and over as the two of them held on to each other tightly. "I told them it was you! I told them it was you!"

But Ziva was barely listening to the words, only that she was holding onto Penny again, that she had this wonderful little girl back in her arms. It gave her more of a sense of being home than seeing Tony had done. It was life affirming, to be holding this warm, excited girl so close to her again, to smell the strawberry shampoo in her hair and the hint of chocolate that had been sneaked to her. She smelt of clean laundry, soap, dinner and home. She was soft and warm and clean and perfect.

But she was different! She pulled the girl away from herself and sat down in the chair so that she could inspect the changes. "Penny, tateleh, you are so big!" She gushed, even more emotional as the girl grinned up at her with a love that she didn't feel she deserved after the way she left. She was taller already, just for starters. How much else had she missed? Her hair was longer, her face was more shaped and less round. She had grown so much. Half a year was too much time to have missed with somebody her age. Too much changed in that time. "I have missed you so much," she whispered with tears falling on her face.

"Don't cry, Ima," Penny smiled, wiping her tears away with her hand. "We can all be good again now. Me and you and Daddy..."

At that word, Penny realised who they were beside and she looked over to the space next to them. For the longest time she just looked at him, her mind fusing with the image of her family members looking like this before, and then turned back to Ziva. She placed her finger on Ziva's lips. "Shh," she scolded. "Daddy's sleeping."

As simple as that. Keep the noise down, because Daddy's asleep.

"Yes, he is," Ziva whispered back.

"He's been sleeping for lots of time now," Penny told her.

"Then let us hope that he does not sleep for much longer," she smiled as best she could.

Penny then looked down at her stomach and frowned. "Is there a baby Caleb in there?" she asked, putting her hands on the belly that protruded ahead of Ziva.

Ziva smiled softly. "A baby boy, but his name will not be Caleb," she confirmed.

"Is he mine?" Penny asked, looking up at her brightly. "Can I take him home and keep him?"

Oh, she had missed this innocence so much. She had missed this girl so much.

And now she had her back. Now she was home.


	77. I Do Not Have A Boyfriend

"I told you it was her! I told you!"

Penny broke away from Ziva with a new strength to bounce up and down on the spot as the open door revealed Jenny and Gibbs. Both of them had followed Penny but were stunned to see that she had actually been correct about Ziva being in the room. "Ziva..." Jenny gasped, stunned even more so to see her stomach as she stood from the chair beside Tony's bed.

"Gibbs, Jenny," she greeted, her voice shaking after so much time and so much emotion even though she was trying to stay strong. At this, Gibbs crossed the room and came to the other side of the bed where they were, he paid particular attention to her stomach as he approached them, but then took her in his embrace as though they had not seen her for years. It felt like years, she nodded. It felt long enough to warrant this hug. Six months was a long time, especially considering the circumstances. She crumbled instantly in his arms, tears escaping again. "I am so sorry. I did not know-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Gibbs told her, that confident, solid voice she had imagined telling her to survive when she was in that tunnel, the same voice that had commanded her to stay alive, telling her she did not have permission to die. "You came when you could."

"I should have been here sooner," she said, shaking her head on his shoulder.

"You're here now," he said simply.

A hand on her shoulder revealed that Jenny had also crossed the room to join them. She looked up at her old friend. "Ziva, what happened?"

"It is a long story," Ziva said, her eyes flickering down to Penny to let them know that this long story was not child friendly. "Perhaps one for another time."

In the absence of Gibbs' arms, Jenny also came in for a hug. "We thought for a moment, with the lack of contact-"

"If it were not for the retaliation strikes we would never have had the distractions necessary to escape," Ziva told her, knowing instantly what they would have thought. It was only when she was sitting in the departure lounge watching the news that she realised the kind of coverage that the incidents had received and she knew that her American family would be fearing the worst. She wished then that she had taken the time to make a phone call or send an email before rushing to the airport, but by then she had no spare change on her for a phone call, no cell phone because she had packed it in her small case and her laptop along with it. She hadn't even opened it to see her emails received.

"Escape from where?" Jenny asked. Ziva responded by looking down at Penny again. "Another day," she decided with a watery smile. "Today, you're alive and that's what matters."

"And I am home," Ziva nodded.

"For good," Gibbs stated. It was not a question, but she nodded anyway.

"So you don't have to go away ever again?" Penny asked from below them, her face tilted up to follow the entire conversation even though she understood very little.

"No, Penny, I will not have to leave again," She confirmed, stroking her hair.

Penny grinned and hugged Ziva's legs. "Even though my Daddy is very sick, I am still very, very happy that I get to have my Ima back."

But Jenny saw the looks that Ziva was giving Tony's unconscious body, and held out her hand to Penny. "Come on, Penny. We left your picture for Daddy in the car. We should go and get it."

She frowned. "But-"

"We'll come straight back, I promise. Everyone will still be here," she assured her.

She huffed with all the grace of a stroppy teenager. "Okay."

As she followed Jenny out of the door, she paused in the doorway to turn back and wave at Ziva. Ziva waved back softly, but as soon as the door was closed she sat down heavily with exhaustion, one hand resting on Tony's and the other falling to her stomach. She looked up at Gibbs wearily. "How bad is he, really?" she asked softly.

"He's not been taking care of himself since we saw the airstrike on the news, things got out of hand quickly after that," Gibbs told her. "He came into hospital five days ago when he collapsed in front of Penny down in the lab, and until last night it looked like he wasn't going to make it."

At that, she closed her eyes, but his last comment bought her back. "But he has started to improve since then?" she asked.

"Not really. He just stopped getting worse."

Not the answer she wanted to hear, she sighed. "So he could still-?"

"I've told him he can't," Gibbs assured her, as if this were all it took.

"But he could-"

"Ziva, we need to stay strong for him right now."

She wiped underneath her eyes. "Sorry, I am rather emotional. It has been a long time and-"

"Pregnancy does that," he nodded in understanding. "Congratulations, by the way."

"If I had known, I would never have left," she said, the words tumbling out in a rush as if she were afraid of him getting the wrong idea.

"I know," he nodded.

"But I am happy with this. And Tony..." she trailed off, looking at his still form.

"...will be happy too," Gibbs finished for her, standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders reassuringly. She wondered for a moment whether it was to assure her, or for his own assurance that she was really here.

"I did not expect to survive," she whispered. "I wanted to, but..."

He cut her off with a small squeeze of her shoulders. "Not yet," he said softly. "You're home, the facts don't matter yet. All that matters is that you're here. We can talk about the rest later. Just be here for Tony and Penny now."

"How is Penny coping?" she asked.

"She's scared," he admitted. "Today is the first time she's seen him since he came into the hospital."

"It must be terrifying," she breathed.

"She's tough," Gibbs assured her.

"She has been staying with you?"

"Last night, yeah, and with Abby."

Ziva didn't take her eyes off of Tony as she made her decision. "I will take her home tonight."

"Ziva, if you want to rest first-"

"I have not slept for twenty six hours. I am exhausted. I am worried. I am frightened for my partner. But so is Penny. She is scared in the same ways that I am and we need each other tonight," she explained. "And I can do no good here if we are both exhausted. He would want me to take her home, and we will come back tomorrow. I will not have his daughter sleeping outside his room just because I wish to stay."

"Ok," Gibbs nodded.

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the rhythmic beeps of his heart monitor. It sounded strong, despite the guttural sound of his breathing that she was now paying attention too. "If I had stayed, he would not be sick."

"He was always going to relapse sometime," he reasoned.

"Penny could lose her father," Ziva said, her voice shaking.

Gibbs thought his words over, but decided that she needed to know. "He made arrangements for her, you know?"

She looked up at him with a frown. "Arrangements?"

"Before Christmas. He made arrangements for Penny's care if something were to happen to him. He chose you to be her guardian, but I guess that's not a surprise." Ziva said nothing, so he assumed he was right there. "I found the documents last night in the kitchen. He doesn't want her to lose her whole family and Penny trusts you more than anyone else. More than Tony sometimes."

Ziva bought Tony's hand to her face, just to feel his touch again after so long. "I do not know what to do," she admitted.

"Just be here," Gibbs told her. "The rest will come."

"We were finally happy," she opened up. "We were happy, and we constantly had to fight for that. We have spent our whole lives fighting just to be happy and when we find it-"

"Relationships don't work the way they do in the movies," Gibbs told her when she placed her face down into Tony's palm and took a deep breath to compose herself. "Nine times out of ten they end because people just weren't right for each other in the first place and half of couples who marry get divorced anyway. The ones who are right of reach other go through the same crap as everyone else but they don't let it take them down. As long as one of you always stands up to fight for the other, you'll be ok."

She sighed and tried to stop more tears falling before Penny came back into the room. "I hope so."

She found it impossibly hard to leave Tony in the hospital a few hours later, but she knew it was right to be with Penny and take her home. Gibbs drove them back to the apartment and told her that it was full of food and whatever they would need. She assumed that Tony had been a bit lax on grocery shopping from this omission but at least they would be ok for the night. She was home now, she would make sure of it. Penny had been full of questions about Israel, asking the kind of questions that a child would ask as if she had been in Disneyland instead. She asked about what food she ate, where she went, who did she meet, did she go swimming, did she make any new friends? She lied to them all, of course. But Penny was satisfied with her answers all the same. After bathing her and braiding her hair, they curled up together in the main bedroom with Chase lying by Ziva's legs with his head resting on her feet. He was glad to have his favourite master home, yelping with excitement when she had entered the apartment. He looked like a fully grown beagle now, no longer full of that puppy fat that he'd been chubby with when she left. He had at least doubled in size.

"Is my Daddy going to be ok?" Penny asked with her head on the pillow beside her.

"Yes, tateleh."

"Do you promise?" she asked. "Because I don't want him to be not ok anymore."

She thought hard about making a promise like this, but remembered that she had also promised Penny that she would come home from Israel. "Yes, I promise."

She was satisfied with this, and moved her head from the pillow onto Ziva's arm. "Daddy changes his mind a lot," she announced into the dark room.

"I have noticed that quite a lot," she agreed.

"He won't change his mind about you ever though," Penny told her.

"No?"

"No, because if he loves someone lots like he loves me and he loves you then he will love them forever and ever. But you have to love him forever and ever too, ok?"

Ziva looked down at the tiny girl, able to see her determined expression with the light flooding into the room from the open bathroom down the hall. "You are asking lots of questions about love tonight," she observed.

"I heard Auntie Jenny and Uncle Gibbs talking about the baby in your tummy," she admitted. "They didn't see me because I was playing spy dudes, but they said that Daddy will be really happy about it but that you still looked sad. Are you sad to be having a baby?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, of course not!" she assured her. "I am very happy."

"Why did they think that you looked sad?"

"I am sad because your Daddy had to miss some happy parts," she told her.

Penny frowned. "But the baby isn't here yet."

Ziva smoothed her hair. "When you find out that you are going to have a baby, it is very exciting. It makes you feel very happy and very blessed. Do you remember how excited Auntie Abby was when she got to tell everybody?"

She nodded. "And Uncle Probie kept fighting because he didn't want to tell Uncle Gibbs."

"Exactly like that," she confirmed. "It is exciting and fun to tell all your family and friends that you get to have a tiny baby to share and to love. I was sad that I did not get to do that with your Daddy, because he would have loved to so much."

She wondered whether the questions were done, but this being Penny, they certainly weren't. "How did you get a baby inside your tummy when you were all the way in Israel?"

The question. The Question that they had been avoiding. Well, she wondered whether they still were. She would be five years old soon, enough for a basic understanding. Ziva had a full understanding at this age. She was sure Tony did as well. Had this been explained to her while she was away, or should she play it safe? Perhaps she should play it safe. She decided that would be the best option.

"Because love can do wonderful things," she said.

"Love gave you a baby?" she asked incredulously.

"When two people love each other very much, anything is possible."

"Anything in the entire world?" she asked.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Could you have a pet unicorn called Timmy?" she asked.

Despite herself, Ziva giggled. "Perhaps you could."

"I hope that when I am in love I get a unicorn," Penny said dreamily.

"But that also means you will have a boyfriend," Ziva reminded her.

She felt Penny scrunching up her nose at the idea. "I don't want a boyfriend," she decided.

"You do not have a boyfriend at school?"

"NO!" She cried in outrage, sitting up in the bed and leaning over Ziva. "I do not have a boyfriend. Definitely not Michael Johnson or Blake Saunders and especially not Declan Connelly. Absolutely never not!"

"Oh, I see," Ziva said, duly chastised while suspecting that this Declan Connelly sounded quite a likely candidate.

Penny frowned. "No, you can't see them because they aren't here."

"Silly me," she mused.

Penny laid back down beside her. "Silly Ima. You have to take me to school tomorrow and see all of my friends. I keep telling them that you got to go to Israel and do very important work, and they kept telling me that it was a lie because it was a nasty place now and people were getting hurt there but I told them that you were special and wouldn't get hurt so you have to come and see them and show them that you didn't get hurt at all," she decided.

Ziva just nodded. "Ok."

"And then we can go and get Daddy after school and bring him home."

There it was – the belief that if she could come home, Tony could as well. It was heartbreaking really. She rolled onto her side so that they were both facing each other, not all dissimilar to how she used to lie with Tony. "Penny, Daddy may need to stay a while longer with the doctors before he can come home."

"But he's been there for a long time already," she argued.

"I know. I want him to come home too."

"Why can't we look after him here?" she asked.

"Because we sometimes need a little bit more help, but that does not mean that we do not love him very much and want him to get better."

"Will he be home before we get our baby?" she asked.

"He will," she smiled. "The baby will not be here just yet."

"When?" she asked.

"In April. He will be here when its spring again. Where there are flowers on the trees and it rains a lot."

Again, the little girl frowned. "I don't want it to rain when he comes home. I want it to be sunny so he can see that we live in a pretty place."

"I think we shall need to find another pretty place first," Ziva realised. "It is rather small in here. He shall have nowhere to sleep."

"He can sleep in my room with me," Penny offered.

"But babies are very noisy," she pointed out. "However will you sleep at night?"

Penny thought about this for a long while, and then made what she considered to be an excellent decision. "I will sleep in here and Daddy can stay in my bedroom with the baby."

Ziva laughed softly. "Perhaps so."

Penny put her hand in Ziva's. "I am very glad you're home, Ima."

"So am I," she smiled. "We should get some sleep."

"Oh, goodnight," she said, snuggling down closer to her and closing her eyes.

"Goodnight, Penny."

"I love you, Ima."

"I love you too," she smiled, kissing the girl's forehead.

Penny reached around under the covers and touched Ziva's stomach. "I love you as well baby brother."

Ziva placed her hand over Penny's and held it sweetly. "He loves you also."

A loud rapping at the door startled the dog at the end of the bed, sending Chase into a loud furious barking that had Ziva leaping from the bed. Finding herself in the old apartment startled her for a moment but when she saw Penny sleeping beside her she relaxed. Then she left the bedroom and follows the dog to where he was barking madly at the front door. Cautiously, she opened it, before seeing her guest and opening it fully.

"I'm really sorry, I know it's late and Gibbs told me to wait until tomorrow because you were exhausted but knowing you were here I just couldn't wait then Caleb woke up and then I couldn't get back to sleep, not that I was asleep anyway because I was just so happy that you're alive but still scared about Tony and oh, Ziva! You're home!"

And ignoring the fact that it was two o'clock in the morning and how exhausted she was and how badly she needed to go to the bathroom, she fell into the arms of her best friend.


	78. Your Family Are Waiting For You

Abby and Ziva sat on the couch until it was time for Penny to be woken up for school. Abby turning up had turned out to be a godsend as Ziva didn't know what time she had to be there, whether her uniform was clean, what lunch she liked to have, or even where her school was. She was impressed but not very surprised that Gibbs had fronted the bills for Penny's education at an excellent school. Penny was very proud to show Ziva around the house pointing out things that were different - her satchel with her library book inside, one that they read over breakfast because they forgot to read before bed the night before, her school uniform, her special new hair bands that Tony had bought for her to wear, that were no longer brand new and shiny as she explained them to be, her brand new school shoes, also in the same condition as the hair bands. It was adorable. She'd done something similar a few weeks into her day care position where she had been given an official place, and when they had gone to collect her that day she had shown them to her coat peg with her nametag over the top of it. She took pride in things that had her name on. It was why she religiously wrote her name inside the cover of every book they bought - ignoring the incident with the library book, of course.

When Penny was awake, Abby announced that she was taking the day off and that she would go with Ziva to drop Penny off and then come to the hospital with her for moral support. Unfortunately the young girl overheard this and immediately wanted to skip school and come along with them. It had taken a lot of convincing that they would definitely remember to pick her up and take her as well. Then when Penny was dressing herself for school, Abby suggested to Ziva that she should make an appointment for her OB to have a proper check on the baby. She'd only have a brief check in Israel in her haste to get back on track and now wanted to have a thorough check. She didn't feel that anything was wrong with the baby, but she had been in that tunnel for a long time in dire conditions, she was suddenly terrified that there was something wrong with the baby that she was unaware of. How would she explain that to Tony? Yes, I'm pregnant, but the baby may not yet survive because of what happened in Gaza. She was sure he would take that wonderfully. In fact, she would take it just as badly and they would probably join together to make her father suffer for sending her there.

True to her word, Ziva took Penny to school and introduced herself to Penny's class teacher. It was interesting enough for Abby to watch as she tried to casually explain her absence while Penny adlibbed with her own reasoning for Ziva never bringing her to school before. Unfortunately Tony's car was at NCIS and Ziva had no idea where her own was, she assumed parked in Gibbs' drive, so they went into Abby's car to get to school. There had been a hilarious moment for Abby to watch as they had crossed the road outside of the school which had just proved to Ziva that while on some level she had missed the regular parenting of Tony's daughter, sometimes it just bewildered her the way that a child's mind worked.

"But I saw him!" Penny argued intently as Ziva resorted to pulling her across the road by the hand to avoid her running into the road and standing in front of a bus pointing again.

"Penny, Barack Obama does not drive a school bus," Ziva told her tiredly.

"He's the leader of the free world, he can do what he wants!" she said stubbornly.

Yes, a lot had changed in six months.

Penny had changed her tune and become quiet clingy when it came to going into class, though. Once introducing herself to the teacher Ziva had found that Penny didn't want her to leave. She wondered if this had happened on the first day of school back in September, which Abby would later confirm for her. She'd needed to promise over twenty three times that she would absolutely be back to collect her from school. She understood why – she'd not once been away from Penny since she'd been reunited, and it was only natural for Penny to have that separation anxiety she was incredibly prone to. It had taken a while but they had managed to leave her there once Ziva wrote her a note that she carried around in her school dress pocket all day.

My name is Ziva and I am your Ima. I absolutely promise that I will pick you up from school today and that I will definitely not be late. If I break my promise and I am late we will get a Happy Meal on the way to seeing Daddy.

Of course, when Penny had taken this and with mild help been able to read it, she'd wanted Ziva to be late as she really wanted that Happy Meal.

"Where is Caleb today?" Ziva asked Abby as they got into the car again to go to the hospital.

"Tim would have taken him to day care," she told her as they started the thirty minute drive to Bethesda. "We managed to get him a spot in Penny's old day care."

"How is he? He is almost a year old now, yes?"

Abby nodded. "Ten months, three days," she said proudly. "A completely different baby to when you last saw him." Ziva smiled sadly at this and Abby quickly looked away from the road for a moment and put her hand on Ziva's knee. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It is fine," Ziva assured her as her attention turned back to the road. "Six months is a long time for a child his age. A child Penny's age also."

"They're both growing," she agreed. "Caleb crawls, he climbs, he makes all these noises like he's going to start talking any day now. Tim thinks it'll be a while yet but Gibbs reckons he's just there. Caleb absolutely adores Gibbs. We all had to work Christmas Eve this year but the day care was closed that day so we had to juggle Caleb between us all, I swear I didn't see my son except when Gibbs was parading him around. Anywhere in the office Gibbs when, he carried Caleb around on his hip. I think Caleb enjoyed the power boost it gave him. If he gets mad at something he just shouts "bah" and throws his hand out as if to push you away, and he frowns like Timmy does when he's confused, and every time Gibbs tried to stare Tony down or get them to do something he would back him up. It was so sweet."

Ziva smiled as Abby rambled on about her son. She paid particular attention to the light in her eyes, the smile on her face even when she talked about how Caleb had smashed one of her ceramic skull ornaments, part of the story about how the apartment had changed dramatically in what was displayed since Caleb had begun moving around. She wondered how long it would take for her to get that light in her eyes. Abby had it instantly, and she didn't really know any other mothers talk about her children like Abby did. When she had been forced to socialize with the mothers in Penny's dance group and day care they always seemed highly strung and desperate to get home and have bedtime arrive. Did that change when kids became more exhausting, or did that change when you had more than one? She had no one's experience to compare it to in depth.

"You know what," Abby decided as they arrived at the parking lot for the hospital, "We're never allowed in Tony's room when they change his IV's and check his breathing. I think they're worried about germs and things during the transfer, but that usually gives us an hour or two where they force whoever's with him to get some lunch. When they come around today we can go sneak Caleb out of day care for a while and get some lunch. Maybe Jenny will come too."

"That will be nice," Ziva smiled. "Although, did you not say just five minutes ago that Tim did not like it last time you did that, as it defeats the object of paying for the day care?"

She just shrugged with one shoulder as they pulled into a space. "What Timmy doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"

Unable to turn down the offer of seeing how Abby's son had grown, she smiled. "Right."

They walked into Tony's room with shaking breath that morning when they saw the doctor standing beside Tony's bed. It could only mean two things, and for a startling moment Ziva wasn't able to hear the heart monitor attached to him and feared the worst, but there was a reassuring smile on the doctors face. "Relax, it's nothing bad," he said, holding up a hand. "We are a little late running our morning rounds today and I was just finishing up."

"Are we ok to stay?" Ziva asked.

"Of course," he nodded. "I'm Dr. Pitt, I treated Tony the first time for his pneumonia when he had the plague. Director Shepherd personally asked me to oversee his care again. You must be Ziva," he said, holding out his hand to her.

She nodded, shaking his hand over Tony's bedside. "Yes, how did you-?"

"Everyone here talks a lot," He explained, sharing a look with Abby. "Including this one," he said, indicating to Tony.

"How is he today?" she asked.

"We're all holding our breath, but I believe that he may be making an improvement," Dr. Pitt informed them with a smile. Abby grasped at Ziva's arm. "It's not set in stone, you understand, but since last night his breathing seems to be stronger and his heart rate is finally constant and steady. If he continues at this pace, we may be able to take him off the breathing apparatus this afternoon."

"Oh," Ziva sighed, unsure of what words to say next. She glanced down to Tony's still form, aware that when she was this close yesterday she could see beads of sweat on his forehead and heard him wheezing with every breath, and that she couldn't hear that today. Abby nudged her.

"See," she smiled. "He knows you're home."

Ziva said nothing and just smiled.

"I'll give you some privacy," Dr. Pitt said, excusing himself. "As always, any changes at all, good or bad, press the nurses button and someone will be here. He's been in and out of consciousness since dawn, so if he does wake up you won't need to alarm someone unless he's struggling for breath or experiences any sickness. There might be some confusion because of how long he's been unconscious but he seems relatively aware from what we've seen so far."

When he'd seen their confirming nods he left the room, allowing them to have their time with Tony. They each took up a seat on the opposite sides of the bed and took one of his hands each, an unconscious movement but they smiled when they realised they had done the same thing. "He's beating this," Abby smiled. "I'll call Gibbs in a bit. I just want to stay for a while."

Ziva nodded and was silent still.

"You ok?" Abby asked.

Ziva sighed, and ran her hand over her face. "Yes, I am just..."

"Exhausted?"

"Overwhelmed," she admitted. "And yes, a little tired also."

Abby suddenly looked apologetic. "I'm so sorry, I stole half your nights sleep last night."

"It is fine," she brushed off. "I would much rather have spent the time with you."

"Yeah, but I know how much more wonderful sleep is when you're pregnant," Abby pointed out. "I used to survive on caff-pow and hardly any sleep, but when I was carrying Caleb sleep was just so fantastic I wanted it all the time."

"Tony is more important than sleep right now," she said.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind, but when you were dropping Penny off I made an appointment with an OB for you," Abby suddenly blurted. "I know you want to be focused on Tony and Penny but it's really important and-"

"Thank you," Ziva smiled. "When is the appointment?"

"Two-thirty," she said. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Of course not," Ziva assured her. "Thank you."

They fell into a comfortable silence, and after around an hour Abby excused herself to go to the bathroom. When the door had closed behind her, Ziva stood and leaned over Tony. With the moment of privacy, she placed her lips to Tony's forehead and greeted him properly. "Shalom, my love," she whispered.

A small moan greeted her, and a tiny squeeze on her hand. Her eyes widened a little.

"Tony," she whispered. "Tony, are you awake?"

Another moan.

"Tony, open your eyes," she coaxed, but there was no reply to this and he seemed to be more relaxed again as if he were sleeping. She sighed and placed her lips to his cheek, about to sit down when she realised that he had tightening his hand around her fingers when she kissed him. It reminded her of how they would wake in the morning, how he could ignore the alarm if his arms were around her but when she turned in his arms and kissed him he would wake slowly, bringing her in closer as he held onto sleep. She kissed his other cheek as his hand tightened again. "Wake up, Tony," she whispered.

This time, an odd noise came to his throat, guttural and dry.

She placed her lips against his, and heard his heart monitor speeding up a little. He was waking up. He was responding. She let her lips linger against his for a few more seconds and then pulled away slowly. "Please, Tony," she whispered emotionally. "Please, come back to me."

With that, she felt his hand release hers and come to rest on the back of her neck, weakly exerting minimal pressure as if to bring her closer. She responded willingly as tired lips reached out for her own, lowering hers to his as they met again in a kiss. It was soft, gentle and when she pulled away his eyes were still closed as if in sleep, but there was a tear escaping from one closed eyes. Dr. Pitt was right, he was aware. He knew it was here. He knew she was home.

"Oh, Tony," she whispered, pressing her face to his shoulder.

"Zi?" he whispered back, his voice dry, probably from being unused

"Yes," she nodded, raising her head to look at him and placing both hands on the sides of his face. "Yes, I am here."

"You're home," he gasped.

"Yes," she nodded again, tears on her own cheeks.

"You're safe," he said, his hand fell from the back of her neck, landing on his stomach as the exertion of keeping it raised got to him.

"I am safe," she said. "I am not going anywhere."

He sighed heavily, his face now streaming with tears. "Was so scared," he murmered.

She could see in his eyes that he wanted to hold her, he wanted to bury her against him and never surface, but he wasn't strong enough too. She'd seen it on his face when she'd been shot by Adam and she'd woken up and he wanted to hold her so close but was afraid to because of her injuries. She placed her lips on his again. "You have scared me too!" she pointed out to him.

"Penny?" he croaked.

"She's fine," she assured him. "She is at school. I am staying with her, she is fine, just worried about her Daddy."

He sighed and put his head further back on the pillow, as if relief were flooding through him. She stood full to ease the ache in her lower back and stroked his hair. "You should rest, love," she told him. "I am not leaving."

He rolled his head on the pillow to face her as best as he could. "Missed you so much," he whispered, exhaustion clear on his face again as he let out a small cough.

"I miss you too," she smiled. "You just need to recover, and we can all be together again."

"Together," he smiled gently, but was cut off by another cough.

She had to tell him. She had to tell him now, even though he had not yet discovered it for himself. She took one of his hands and placed it on her growing stomach. "All of us, together," she emphasized.

Tony was confused for a moment and then glanced down at where he hand was. Slowly, he made the connection of what she was trying to tell him and his breath caught in his throat. He swallowed audibly, partly because of the dry throat and partly because of disbelief. He couldn't organize his thoughts to put them into words, but after a long time, his face broke out into the most emotion she could ever remember seeing on his face. The expression was so raw, so real, that he couldn't have disguised a single thought and it dispelled every doubt that she had about telling him. He was happy. He was over the moon.

She could see the exhaustion overtaking him and the emotion on his face told her everything that she needed to know, he did not need to put it into words just for her sake. He saw, he understood, and he approved greatly. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair again. "Sleep, my love," she told him with a smile. "Rest, your family are waiting for you, and we are not going anywhere."

He was improving. He would beat this.


	79. I'll Try My Best

Cold. He was cold. He was so cold he wanted to curl the blankets around him and bring them up to cover his face. He wasn't even above shoving his head into the warm crevice underneath the pillow to create extra warmth. That sounded good. He wanted to get to that warmest place, the place where only a cup of cocoa (yes, including marshmallows) could make things warmer. That warm place, where skin brushed skin and he could bury his face in her hair, feel her warm breath against his bare chest. Because, you know, the best way to get warm is skin to skin contact. They do that in the Arctic. He'd tell her that, as well, ignoring the finger she'd jab into his ribs, that subtle warning to stop talking and enjoy the moment, enjoy the warmth, because he liked the warmth. He had missed that warmth, and not just because it was winter, but because he was missing her in the bed. She wasn't there to curl up with. She had gone, gone away to...

His mind was more aware today, and more than anything it was the knowledge that his mind was playing tricks on him. Because his hand felt a lingering warmth as if she'd touched it, the same as his cheeks and his lips. He swore he could even run her fingers in his hair, but that was impossible. She wasn't there. She couldn't be. She was in Gaza. Or Israel. He wasn't sure anymore. All he knew was that she wasn't here. Perhaps it was because he was here. In the hospital. He remembered Dr. Pitt telling him it wasn't good to see him again, so he had to be here for a second time, which meant he had to be in the hospital – that, and this definitely wasn't his bed. If he was in the hospital, it was because he was run down from searching from her.

That had to be it. He was so determined to find her that finding nothing had been a proverbial kick in the nuts, only it had hurt fifteen times more than he thought possible. He'd wanted to find her so badly that in the end, his body just couldn't take it. It wasn't like any other kind of pain, this was the kind of pain that ended up with him wanting to end everything. He wanted to get as far away as he could from that pain, but it was everywhere. The lack of her presence was staring him in the face wherever he went.

The desk across him was always empty, even when a temporary agent filled it from time to time; he still felt it was empty because she wasn't in it. Anyone who wasn't her didn't belong there. The coffee machine had been replaced since she left – when the colder weather kicked in people rushed to it and finally it had given out, and this newer model didn't have a small dent in the bottom corner where a few years ago she'd gotten stressed and kicked it because it had given her de-caff and 'lied to her'. His bottom drawer still got stuck at his desk, which every few months that she had kicked and it wouldn't stick for a while – now it had stuck since she had left and nothing he seemed to do helped it. They were handy, those kicks of hers.

At home, it was worse. Since the undercover mission, her home had become his. They had never spent a night apart from that bed. She moved his toothbrush out of the sink when she cleaned her teeth, and he put her running shoes in the closet when she went for her shower. She braided his daughter's hair after her bath after he'd bundled her into a fluffy towel. Some of her things were still there – most of her clothes, her hair irons, her shampoo, even though Penny had accidentally spilled half the bottle when she decided that she wanted her hair to look like Ziva's for her first day of school. She was everywhere, and that didn't help with his determination to find her. All that was absent was her body, her presence in the bed, her teaching him to cook (though without her, he'd managed to do quite well). And most importantly, her words. He missed her voice, whether she was telling him that she loved him or telling him that his shoes were going to be chewed up if he just left them out of the closet.

He decided he was right. His body hadn't been able to handle it. All these years and everything they had been through, and he physically couldn't be without her. He couldn't live without her, what more proof did he need than his body shutting down? He'd always thought in this situation, now that he had Penny, that you survive anything for your kids. They're supposed to be the biggest motivation and the greatest drive, wasn't that right? He was supposed to be able to lift a car off her, if need be, stop bullets, fight lions and get rid of the monster under the bed. But he was just so...tired. His muscles hurt from the coughing, his mind hurt from thinking, and every part of him just wanted to sleep for as long as he could. But he knew the situation. He knew he had pneumonia. And he knew that he was risking his life every time he went back to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he feared never opening them again, fearing that the last time he would ever see his daughter was when McGee tried to stop her seeing him pass out while she screamed his name. Perhaps that was the only thing that made him wake up every time, the fact that he refused for that to be the last image his daughter had of him.

But what of her last image of him, if he couldn't recover now? What if her last image was not of him hitting the ground in the lab, but of him weak and helpless in a hospital bed, surrounded by wire and beeping machines? What if the last image of her mother and father were the same? At least, if the worst happened, her final image of Ziva would be of her tucking her into bed, singing her to sleep and whispering loved words in a place where she felt safe and loved. This was a hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses, strangers. She would be surrounded by strangers, and unable to understand what happened. She knew that Alicia had passed away, gone to heaven, because her body was sick and the doctors had tried for a very long time to make her better but sometimes people just got to sick. She didn't know that with Tony, because he had got sick very quickly and she wasn't allowed to see him in the hospital and she didn't understand that there was someone else to take care of her. Alicia was gone, Ziva was gone...Tony couldn't go to.

Move. He told himself. Tired is not an excuse. Move.

His hand moved, feeling that blissful stretch but also the inevitable exhaustion. But he could move. He knew that he moved yesterday and he could move today as well, and that was more than he could do the day before. Or perhaps it was a week. He'd slept a lot, and he knew a lot of time had passed because he heard people talk to him, but he wasn't sure exactly. He just knew that a while ago when he woke up he hadn't been able to move and that had scared him a lot. Now, he could move, and all that was stopping him move anymore than he did was the fact that he was tired. Not pain. He didn't feel aching anymore, just exhaustion.

He wanted to get out of this hospital and go home. He wanted to take his daughter to school, bring her home and then cook her a nutritious dinner that wasn't pizza, except on Fridays. He wanted to brush her, braid it and listen to her tell him that he wasn't doing it right. He wanted to sit at his desk and throw paper at his Probie to wake him up after he complained his son was keeping him awake at night. He wanted to go and see Abby and have her give him that extra long hug because she knew that he was hurting, and he wanted to give her one back just for being the amazing woman that she was. He wanted Gibbs to smack the back of his head and tell him to get on with his life, that they all missed her but she'd be back as soon as she could and that she would, no matter what, be back. He wanted to listen to Ducky's stories, and perhaps now he'd to more than just pretend to listen for thirty seconds. And yes – as much as it pained him to admit it – he wanted to walk his dog.

He hadn't been Chase's biggest fan when Gibbs first sprung the puppy on him a year ago, but now he was less a small stumbling eating machine and now he did give him an extra sense of security in the night. It wasn't that he needed it, but it was nice that now Penny was too old to come crawling into his bed in the middle of the night, it was nice when the dog did, just to put some weight on the other side of the bed. Chase didn't do it for Tony though; he did it because he missed Ziva. Tony liked the dog and all, but the dog was intelligent underneath his hunger for Italian leather and knew which of the adults in the house loved him more. But he missed that damn dog, he didn't miss coming home to chewed up chaos, but he did like coming in and finding something pleased to see them, and he did like how much the mutt comforted Penny when she was sad –he wasn't sure if Chase was her shadow or if Penny was his.

Who was looking after the dog, if he was here? Abby had Jethro at home, perhaps she'd have taken him. But what about Penny? Penny wouldn't be separated from Chase, and Abby's apartment wasn't big enough for two adults, two children and two dogs. It must have been Gibbs then, because Penny wouldn't stay elsewhere except Ducky's, and Ducky wasn't really agile enough to run around after a child and a dog all night. Penny would have somewhere to stay but it wouldn't home. He had to get home, and give her back her stability. He had to go home. But home needed Ziva. Without Ziva, it wasn't home. He had to get out of bed. He had to get up. Move. Tony. Move.

"Tony?"

Someone was there. A man. He knew that voice.

"DiNozzo." Sharper this time.

"Boss," he mumbled.

"Good. That's good."

No, he wasn't doing good. He needed to be doing much better than this. He needed to get out of bed, out of this hospital. He needed to go...

"Home."

"Not yet, Tony," Gibbs told him. "Not just yet."

He opened his eyes, the feat easier than he thought he would be. Perhaps the trick was in staying awake. Perhaps sleeping all the time was what was keeping him down. He just needed to stay awake each time long enough to think for a while, realise where he was and then move slowly. He looked up at Gibbs, strangely noticing a rare weariness on his face. God, how many people was he worrying?

"Being awake is enough for now," Gibbs told him.

No, it wasn't. It wasn't enough not for him.

"Penny?" he asked.

"She's at my house."

But if Penny was at his house, why was Gibbs here? Why wasn't he looking after her?

"She's not alone, DiNozzo, I ain't that old."

He relaxed a little, though he couldn't sink into the bed much more because he was already as limp as could be.

"She's with Ziva," Gibbs told him.

Tony's eyes snapped back to him and a thousand feelings returned to him. The fingers in his hair, the lips against his, the hand holding his fingers. "It wasn't a dream," he realised with a shaking breath.

"No, she was here. She was here yesterday with you but you didn't wake up, you spoke with her earlier though."

His heard begun to pound, and though he hated it more than anything he felt his head starting to swim as if he were going to lose consciousness again. She was here. In this room. With him. Touching him. Talking to him. That meant she was alive. It meant that she had really come home. He hadn't been dreaming when he swore he heard her voice and felt the warmth of her hand. Ziva had come home. Ziva was alive. She was alive.

"Yeah, she's alive. So are you."

Guess he'd said it out loud.

"I told you before, DiNozzo, you're not allowed to die."

Can't die. Not allowed to die. Penny needs a father. Ziva needs...him. Chase needs shoes to chew. Penny needs him. Ziva needs him. The goddamn dog needs him. And he needs them. His family. His awkwardly discovered, mismatched, patchwork quilt of a family. The daughter he'd not known for so long, the woman that had crept up on him, and the dog that had been thrown upon them.

"I want to go home," he said, his voice growing stronger along with his will. "With them."

"Soon," Gibbs assured him.

"Ziva was here earlier, she talked to me," he repeated.

"Sure did," Gibbs confirmed.

"She told me something."

"I'm sure she told you many things."

You know, Tony thought. Gibbs knew, but he wasn't going to say it. He knew what Ziva told him – how could he not, he had eyes, and somehow knew everything anyway – but he wasn't going to say it because he thought that Tony didn't remember. He didn't want to slip up and freak Tony out by saying it if he couldn't remember Ziva telling him in the first place.

"I'm going to be a father."

Silence. A cold cloth on his forehead.

"You are a father, DiNozzo."

"From the start this time," he mumbled. "I get to be there for everything."

"You do," Gibbs confirmed. "Don't screw it up."

It wasn't a warning. It was a close to a blessing as they'd get for two of his best agents reproducing. Gibbs loved Penny though, and he'd already allowed them so much considering how many of his rules worked against them.

"I won't," he said surely. "I love them. All of them."

"I know."

"Even the damn dog."

Penny's hair bounced around in curls the following morning. She was standing on a chair in front of the bathroom mirror while Ziva brushed her hair now that it was free of the braids from the night before. She'd asked that Ziva braid her hair like only she had ever done – not the same as Abby's braids which gave her frizzy curls for school. Ziva did special braids that gave her gentle curls, more controlled, but she liked them because it looked like Ziva's hair when it was curly. She looked very hard at Ziva's face in the mirror while she focused on her hair.

"Why don't I have to wear my uniform today?" Penny asked, commenting for the first time on the fact that she was wearing a lilac zip-up sweater with her jeans. She guessed that she would be allowed to wear her sneakers instead of her school shoes.

"Because you are not going to school today, Tateleh," Ziva said softly. "Remember, we talked about this last night?"

Penny nodded her head. "We're going to see Daddy today."

"Yes, we are."

Penny was quiet for a moment, and watched Ziva brushing her hair for a while longer. When she was finished, she put a glittering hair slide onto one side of her hair to control where the curls were stronger.

"When is Daddy coming home?" she asked.

"When he is well enough," Ziva told her.

"Is he well enough today?"

"We shall have to ask his doctor when we see him. Now, come on, time for breakfast."

Penny jumped down off of the chair and ran into the kitchen. She was excited to finish breakfast and clean her teeth because then she could go and see Daddy faster. Ziva followed her, bringing the chair back to the kitchen table while Penny climbed up into another. She immediately reached for a discarded pile of pens and paper while Ziva made her breakfast, finishing yesterdays drawing.

"What are you drawing today?" Ziva asked, as Penny pushed it aside to exchange for the cereal that Ziva offered.

"My brother," Penny told her, showing her the paper. Ziva was still astounded at how her pictures looked like actual people and not just a colourful mess now. "See, he's playing with the cars that Daddy bought for him. I think that he'll like cars. And I think that Daddy will buy him some."

"I think that Daddy will buy him many things," Ziva agreed.

"Especially cars and dinosaurs," Penny nodded firmly.

"Dinosaurs too?" Ziva laughed softly.

Penny gave her a strange look. "Yes. Everyone loves dinosaurs. They're brilliant."

"Of course they are," Ziva agreed.

Penny ate her cereal in record time, and ran off to clean her teeth without being asked to – definitely for the first time ever, even in Ziva's memory – and when Ziva had finished putting the breakfast things away Penny was standing by the door with her coat on and a teddy in her hands. This was a different teddy than Penny usually took with her, and she had long since grown out of wanting to take a stuffed animal anywhere with her.

"Who is this new addition?" Ziva asked, as she sat on the couch to put her own shoes on.

Penny held out the pink fuzzy bear to show her. "Her name is Sadie," Penny said. "Jimmy Palmer gave her to me for Christmas."

Ziva smiled, clearly Penny had also not grown out of her habit of calling Palmer by his full name. "That was very nice of him, she is very pretty. Is she coming to the hospital with us?"

Penny nodded. "Yes, I'm going to let Daddy keep her so that she can remind him of home."

Ziva opened up her arms and beckoned Penny into them. Penny ran over and embraced her. The smell of little girl invaded her, reminding her once again that she was so wrong to have put her fathers needs ahead of the child that loved and needed her. She was wrong to have walked away from Tony and his daughter, and she was wrong from unknowingly taking Tony's son with her when she walked. She always intended to come back, but she knew that there was a chance she wouldn't. Could she really have allowed herself to die on that mission, without never holding this child again, without ever seeing her smile, or hearing her laugh or her sing, or watch her play with her toys and chatter away to herself. Could she really have left this world without having seen that one last time.

"I love you very much, Penny," Ziva whispered. "You are such a brave little girl."

"I'm quite big now," Penny told her.

"And yet, I still love to you," Ziva smiled, placing a kiss to her hair. "We will all be just fine. You, and me, and Daddy, and our new baby. We will all be just fine together, you will see."

"I know," Penny nodded. "I asked Mummy especially."

Ziva pulled away and looked down at Penny, her hands still on her shoulders. "You did?"

Penny nodded. "When I want something to work very much I talk to Mummy and I ask her if she can help us from Heaven. Because good people are in Heaven and Daddy told me that when good people turn into angels then they can do good magic to make happy things turn out okay. And I asked her if we can all be okay because we are all happy together. I know that we will all be okay because I asked Mummy and she didn't say no."

"That was very kind of your mother," Ziva commented with misty eyes.

Penny nodded again. "Mummy is very kind."

"Just like you," she smiled.

Penny grinned back at her, her father's smile. "Can I show Daddy the picture of my brother?" she asked hopefully.

Ziva nodded. "Of course, it's in the kitchen if you want to get it."

Penny ran away faster than ever to get the picture. Instead of taking the one that she drew, she took the one that they had used the fridge magnets to pin up the night before. She ran back to Ziva and watched her carefully put it into her bag as she took her hand and they left for the hospital.

Penny ran into the hospital without a care in the world. She didn't notice the orderly she almost knocked over, or the flowers that went flying when she bumped into the lady in reception, or the coffee that stained the shirt of the nurse she ran into. Ziva followed her as quickly as she could, apologising repeatedly to everyone she reached after Penny had occurred upon them. It didn't take long for them to reach the room where Tony was staying. Dr. Pitt was just leaving his room and managed to stall Penny long enough for Ziva to catch up. She noticed her slower speed from the extra weight in her stomach even more when she was trying to keep up with Penny.

"Good morning, Miss David," he greeted her.

"Good morning, doctor. How is he this morning?"

"Very excited that he's getting a special visitor today," he said, nodding down at Penny, who was now jumping up and down on the spot. "He's sleeping better, spending longer awake. In fact, he woke up ten minutes ago so you may get up to an hour before she falls asleep again."

"Perfectly timed," she noted, having spent a good hour wondering what she would do if they arrived at the hospital and Tony had just fallen asleep.

"Honestly, he's doing much better today. If he continues at this rate, we may be looking at next week for coming home."

Penny perked up at one word in particular. "Daddy's coming home?"

"Perhaps soon," Dr. Pitt told her. "If he keeps getting better, maybe sooner."

Penny grinned. "Can I go in now? I want to see my Daddy."

"Of course you can," he told her. "He's very excited to see you."

Penny disappeared into the room, and Ziva followed , pausing in the doorway. "Really, next week?"

Dr. Pitt nodded. "Since you arrived, he's been improving at a much greater rate. Whether its timing, coincidence, or something more, I don't know, but whatever it is, it's working. I didn't want to get your daughters hopes up so I said next week as a precaution. I spoke with Tony this morning and we've agreed to aim for Monday."

With that, he disappeared to check the patient in the next room and Ziva slipped into Tony's room, closing the door behind her. Penny was struggling to climb up onto the bed so she gave her the additional help needed while leaning over to kiss him at the same time. "Good morning, you're looking well."

"And you're looking beautiful," he told her, his voice weak but better than it had been the last time they spoke. "And you, my girl, my princess, I've missed you so much." He leaned forward, embracing Penny as tightly as he could. When he couldn't hold himself upright much longer he leaned back against the pillows, bring her with him. She didn't even try and hold back from him, holding herself against him as tightly as she could. Eventually, they settled with her head buried between his neck and shoulder so that she could see them both. "You okay, Penny?"

Penny nodded. "I want you to come home."

Her excitement had given way to a sadness, knowing that the time would come when they would have to say goodbye, and already she didn't want to.

"Soon, princess," he told her giving her a kiss. "I don't think I'll be here much longer. I'm getting better now."

"Get better faster," she told him.

"I'll try my best, boss," he told her with a gentle smile. "Now, how's school?" he asked her, reaching out to take Ziva's had and non-accidentally brushing her growing stomach as he did so. The smile stayed on his lips the whole time.

"Good," she told him.

"Penny, didn't you have something you wanted to show Daddy?" Ziva prompted.

Penny brightened up again extending her arm to Ziva. "Yes! Daddy, I have something to show you!" she told him. "It's very brilliant."

"Is it?" he asked. "Let's see it then."

Ziva pulled the picture from her bag and snuck it into Penny's hand. She thrust it before his eyes and pointed to something in the middle of it. "See there?" Penny told him, keeping her finger there until Tony's joined it, both of them touching the same white shape in the middle of the dark piece of paper. "That's my brother."

"Is it now?" Tony asked in a quiet wonder.

Ziva wasn't at all worried about how silent he fell, because to her it wasn't silence at all. She knew that there was astonishment in his breathy sighs, and that there was excitement and happiness in his shining eyes.

"If that's your brother, then that must be my son," Tony said softly, raising his eyes to meet Ziva's. "Our son."

She nodded. "Our son."

"This is where you were yesterday?" he realised.

She nodded again. "Abby made me an appointment with her doctor to make sure that everything was okay." She left out a lack of healthcare options when she was in Israel but he seemed to understand.

"He's okay?" he checked. "He's healthy?"

"Very much so," she assured him, taking his hand in both of hers. "They say that he appears to have broad shoulders, which I admit I am not looking forward to bringing into this world."

Tony laughed softly at this. "Football shoulders."

Penny frowned. "My brother isn't playing football," she decided. "He's going to do dancing with me."


End file.
